Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! (Uncut Version)

by IAMMaster

A guilty pleasure designed to emotionally scar people who love Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. (This includes myself) The Master Has Spoken. Chapture 6: 100% IAM BACK!

4. Chapture 4: Of Glitz and Gloryholes!(P1)

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated N, for, "Nigga, getcho ass outta here if you a little, punk-ass kid or a butthurt, easily offended muthafucka, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit."

"Getting offended by a joke makes you part of it."

~ George Washington

"If a joke makes you choke then with good timing it was spoke!"

~ Abraham Lincoln

"If nigger is your trigger, try not to be so bitter. If kike is your hype, go back to the trike. If chink makes you sink, you need a drink. If faggot makes you nag it, then this room you shouldn't inhabit."

~ Some homeless guy who I'm pretty sure was high as fuck when saying this

Also, this chapture will come with 2 parts due to it being long as fuck and probably the longest chapture I will ever write ever.

Enjoy.

Super Mario and the

Thousand Year Drama!

(Uncut Version)

Chapture 4: Of Glitz and Gloryholes!

PART 1

Anticipation Music: Dragonball z American soundtrack - the saga continues by Bruce Faulconer

Last time on Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama, Mario and his strange pals arrived back to Gettoport yet again to learn about their new destination for the star in Boggly Woods. Despite cryptic information handed out from the Professor, they managed to find a creature among a species of Punies who lives in a giant tree inside the woods. They soon made it to the tree only to find out, it was sealed shut by the sinister X-Nauts. With the help of the famous porn star known as Madame Flurrie, they successfully found a hidden entrance inside the tree. As soon as they accomplished that shit, they were immediately encountered by a series of X-Nauts and they rescued the rest of the punies. Team M as always, used their smashing abilities to take on Robotnik in a fight for the 2nd star bringing somewhat of peace back to their tree 1ce again. Stay interested and find out what happened this issue of SUPER MARIO! AND THE THOUSAND! YEAR! DRAMA!

Chapture 4 - 1: Meanwhile! In the legion of X - Nauts!

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 21th, 2004. It is 12:00 PM, Unknown Weather F.]

[X-Naut Fortress]

Grodus was busy sitting at his mechanical throne room as usual like the evil motha fucka he is. While he was impatiently waiting for cutting edge results on Robotnik, a stupid X-Naut started smashing his fists knocking way too hard on the damn door.

X - Naut #186: Sir. Grodus! SIR. GRODUS! Hey Sir. Grodus! Open up!

Grodus: OH FOR FUCK SAKES! Come in!

The X-Naut barged in immediately when the door open with his hands groping his own genitals for reasons that aren't totally perverted.

X-Naut #186 (Age 27): Oh thank god you opened the door! I really have to piss like there's no tomorrow! ERR!

Grodus: ...

X-Naut #186 started doing a wicked foot tapping bathroom dance while beginning his update.

X-Naut #186: Yeah! im doing a contest with X-Naut #213! To see who can go the longest without pissing! I hope I end up winning cause if I don't-

Grodus: IS THIS why you entered my throne room!?... *Sigh* I'll tell you what, I'll only let you GIVE ME 1 GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T FUCKING KILL YOU RIGHT HERE!?

X-Naut #186: OH! THAT'S I WHY I CAME HERE! You see uhh... ERR! i'm so distracted with my need to takes a wicked piss! OOOO… Alright… So I have news to inform you on our operation to collect the 7 Dedly Stars!

Grodus: Hmm... yes... Go on.

X-Naut #186: You see! Uhh... We can't OWW I HAVE TO PEE! We can't get in touch with Robotnik!

Grodus: So you mean... to tell me... that you entered my evil throne room, so you can tell me there were NO updates on Robotnik?

X-Naut #186: WHAT WHAT!? Uhh... I thought you were looking for just about ANY update from our overall goal! OOOWWWW! Including little updates! Like that!

Grodus: ... You do realized the severity of how much you just shortened your life expectancy cause of this, correct?

X-Naut #186: Well! Errr! NO! IM SORRY! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! OOOWWW! ITS SO HARD NOT TO PISS WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO KILL ME! IM SO SORRY SIR. CHODUS!

Grodus: Wh- What did you just call me?

X-Naut #186: uhh... Grodus?

Grodus: ... No... There was a "Ch" in that name? ... Which mean you called me... CHODUS!? YOU THINK MY NAME IS SOME KIND OF JOKE DIPSHIT!?

X-Naut #186: NO! IT WAS A JUST A JOKE!UHH-H-H-H REALLY! I PROMISE!

Grodus: Does any1 else know about this "Chodus" joke!?

X-Naut #186: ME AND COUPLE OF X-NAUTS THAT MADE UP THE JOKE! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

Grodus: RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Grodus got up from his chair, and blasted lightning from his fingertips like Lord Sidious from Star Wars and blasted the stupid X-Naut. This caused the X-Naut to blow up like a piss filled water balloon and covered Grodus and his entire throne room ... in piss. Nothing but piss...

Grodus started huffing and puffing with pure rage thinking about the immature name that mocks him so. It was almost like he had never been insulted before in his life. Or maybe it's because he has that severe of a compensation disorder.

Grodus: NO 1... CALLS ME CHODUS…. AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT! WHO EVER STARTED THIS IDIOTIC RUMOR! MUST PAY! I WILL FIND THOSE 2 OTHER X-NAUTS! AND I WILL TORTURE THEM! SLOWLY! AS I CUT OFF THEIR LIMBS AND GENITALS! AND DROWN THEM! IN A POOL! OF LEMON JUICE! YOU HEAR ME OUT THERE!? YOU! WILL! DIE!

Little did Grodus know... 2 X-Nauts overheard this conversation across from the other side of the door.

X-Naut #21: WHOA! HOLY SHIT! I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS ACTUALLY GONNA KILL HIM!

X-Naut #24: Shut up 21! Or he might hear us!

X-Naut #21: Aww man! We shouldn't have made that joke man! Grodus would have probably spared him if it wasn't for us!

X-Naut #24: Look. What's done is done. We can't change the past now. He's ded. Besides, not to start any insult to injury or nothing, but he should not have let that joke slip out so easily if he wanted to live.

X-Naut #21: I know! But I still can't believe he killed 1 of his own henchmen! Also, what if we're next!? He's gonna find out we were the 1s that made that Sir. Chodus joke and then he's gonna find us and torture us next! AWW SHIT! WERE SO FUCKED MAN! WERE SO FUCKED!

X-Naut #24: 21! Relax! You still have a major concussion and a jammed toe. We might as well sleep off that battle with Mario from earlier and worry about it when we wake up.

Grodus: Is that X-Naut 21 and 24!? Enter here at 1ce!

X-Naut #24: See what you did 21!?

X-Naut #21: Shit! I didn't mean t-

X-Naut #24: Look. We'll be fine... We'll just play it cool, and no 1 will get hurt. I promise.

The 2 X-Nauts entered Grodus' throne as they trembled in greasy sweat and agonizing fear.

X-Naut #24: Holy cow! Wow does it smell so much like urine in here!?

Grodus: SILENCE! Now, do you know why I summoned you both?

X-Naut #21 started to quiver in fright and anxiety to the point where he might pass out soon.

X-Naut #24: Why no sir?

Grodus: I wanna know why you both haven't updated me about Robotnik and the mission to find the 2nd star yet.

X-Naut #24: Oh thank god! Well, we just got back from that. You see, I hate to break this to you boss, but Team M now has possession of the star in Boggly Woods. Besides us, all of the other X-Nauts died from Mario and his gang, or from a random earthquake. Robotnik however, we are not sure what happened to him. He seems to have mysteriously disappeared after losing to them.

Grodus: Hmm... So this means that we only know of 3 stars now. Theres the 1 we found from that Ghettoport location, and Team M has the 1 from Hooktails castle, and Boggly Woods. So thats 4 other missing 1s left. And Robotnik even with 10,000 X-Nauts and Shadow Sirens were not enough to defeat those wretched barbarians!? Hmm…. It appears we have a pack of mortal enemies don't we? DO WE KNOW THE NEXT STAR THIS TEAM M IS AFTER NEXT!?

X-Naut #24: Sadly no. We apologize sir.

Grodus: *growls* I WANT YOU BOTH TO KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON MARIO AND HIS FILTHY TEAM! Watch where they sleep! Watch wear they eat! I don't care if you have to watch them take a crap and masterbate! I want you both to keep your eyes peeled on every move they make! And mean EVERY! LITTLE! MOVE! No manner how strange or perverted or erotic they may be. It will intrigue me... UNDERSTOOD!?

X-Naut #24 and 21: Uhh... YES SIR!

Grodus: Now leave at 1ce before I execute all of you! Oh wait! Just 1 more thing?

X-Naut #24: Yes sir?

Grodus: Have any of you heard of any immature phallic like names mocking my own? Perhaps 1 that combines my name with the term... "Chode?"

X-Naut #24: No sir! Sounds like a name that a stupid kindergartner would make up if you ask me.

Grodus: Good good. Cause if you hear any1 say this name out loud, find the blurters for me so I can personally do away with them at 1ce. Oh, and if I find out if you're lying and if it was you 2 who made the joke, unspeakable torture will duly be upon you both. Rest assured.

X-Naut #24: Understood sir!

Grodus: NOW HURRY AND STALK TEAM M AT 1ce!

X-Naut #24 and 21: uhh.. uhh.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

24 and 21 ran off like a band of pussies.

Grodus: No 1 can ever know my painful secret...

Chapture 4 - 2: Move over 2Pac, a new hologram makes the scene!

Meanwhile in the diabolical X - Naut fortress, Peach was in her bed sexually moaning while masterbating using a royal jewel incrested golden viberator that had 2 beady mushroom like eyes on the shaft so she can get off and fall asleep after watching a thrilling Michael Moore documentary.

Peach: Oh, Michael ... Michael Moore! Uhh... dig it in me! Errr Yeah! I'm your little naughty bitch am I? Mmmm yeah! Yeah! Put me in your documentary Mmmmmichael!

Peach started to drip while slapping her ass while she intensely lifted her legs up in the air as she was approaching her climactic burst.

Peach: MMMmmmm... Ooohhh... I like how you're fucking me infront of every1 in the Mushroom Ball! Yeah! You give me your Mushroom AND Balls Michael Moore! YEAH! Don't stop fucking me! YEAH! Give me MOORE MOORE MOORE!

Suddenly, the speaker in Peach's ceiling began to ring with a loud voice.

Tec: PRINCESS. PRINCESS. Please enter the computer room immediately.

Peach: OH GOD DAMNIT! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CUM!

Peach entered Tec's room while wearing a pink tank top and a pink thong with a little mushroom on it from Spencer's while being very very pissed that she couldn't get off cause of TEC.

Tec: Hello Princess Peach. I am glad you have came.

Peach: Ugg... Yeah... Came... Yeah right... I was about to until you ruined my fantasy of Michael Moore raping me in a dance club.

Tec: Peach. I paged you so I can inform you that Mario has received your email.

Peach: … *sigh* Couldn't you have waited until... I woke up? Like, did he even reply?

Tec: Sadly no. It appears that Mario does not know how to read nor write. Along with this, he was too distracted to reply since 1 of his partners puked on his phone. As a super computer, I am obligated to know of such technical data.

Peach: Okay. Whatever... Thanks for wasting my time I guess asshole... Im gonna go back to sleep now.

Tec: WAIT! Actually. The real reason why I summoned you was so you can inform me on more data about... horny. From what data I gathered in your room, you expressed an interest of experiancing intercouse in a ballroom, correct?

Peach: Ex-CUSE ME!? LIEK, WERE YOU LIKE, SPYING ON ME!?

Tec: Affirmative. You do seem awfully surprised. You did not seem so surprised when I acknowledged your tramp stamp in the shower last chapture.

Peach: Oh yeah... I guess your right.

Tec: When you were pleasuring yourself, I had a malicious malfunction to sext with you as well. How my programmings would produce this impulse is inexplicable. I must find out what caused it.

Peach: Find out what caused it? TEC, there's no reason behind such a feeling. Wanting to fuck something... It's part of horny. But then again, you are a stupid fucking computer after all.

Tec: Peach. Please fuck me.

Princess Peach: Whoa... Hold on JUST a minute! What...am I supposed to do? You say you want to fuck me? It's just so...bizarre... I mean, how the fuck can I fuck you? Am I supposed to …I don't know.. take your mouse and shove it up my cunt and maybe rattle it like a dog with a chew toy? Or am I supposed to grind on the keyboard or something? Liek, LOL!?

Tec: I have an idea.

Tec science fictionally produce a life sized accurate hologram of Peach in front of her.

Tec: Would this perhaps be a satisfying substitute for you?

Peach: Wait! Hold on a second! Thats suppose to be me!? You made me look way too fat!

Let's backtrace what I last said... "life sized accurate hologram of Peach"

Tec: This is the best I can do for experiencing intercourse with you.

Peach: So I'm suppose to … have lesbian sex with myself basically? Uhh... I … geez... don't think I can do this... Can't you just transform yourself into Michael Moore?

Tec: Sadly no. I maybe a super computer, but my power is relatively finite. This will be the only substitute I can fulfill since I have so much data on you.

Peach: *Sigh* Alright…. This is going to feel really weird, scissoring with myself...I guess a bitch has to get off some how I guess.

Tec started playing "Dick Dagger's Theme" as Peach pulled down her thong and started scissoring with the hologram of herself. This was really awkward for her at 1st since she was almost literally fucking herself in front of the perverted machine. After 2 minutes of somehow rubbing her royal Peach cliterus on the hologram's vadgelly, she got really into it and soon enough, she moaned like crazy and creamed ALL OVER the goddamn floor with that good ol' princess pussy juice of her's. So imagine if this parody was in the actual game for a second. Imagine pressing the buttons on command for Peach to fuck herself as a hologram. Great, I'm already inventing ideas for new Mario Hentai games on Newgrounds. HAPPY NOW!?

Peach: Wow! That was amazing! I REALLY needed that! Thanks.

Tec: It was a pleasure for me as well Princess Peach. I feel aroused. Though I still cannot compute how to climax, however I still enjoyed the experience.

Peach: Wow! Usually, guys I've slept with were the 1s that left me hanging! Yeah, no! That really was amazing! I never even considered the thought of having sex with myself. I might have have to masterbate to having sex with myself from now on. Narcissism is awesome!

Tec: Aroused? Is this impulse I feel known as... aroused?

Peach: I guess? I don't fucking know.

Tec: I am indeed intrigued by these emotions. In the mean time, would you like some bus fare or perhaps if you'd like, you can use my keyboard to send whatever message you want to anyone who would perhaps be interested in a 3 some.

Peach: I can think of some1.

Peach began and then finished another email you will read and see Team M react to in chapture 4 - 4.

Tec: I believe you sent your email to the "male" specimen Mario...

Peach: Yeah why?

Tec: *sigh* Nevermind. Goodnight Princess Peach.

Tec opened his door for Peach to leave for the night.

Peach: Well goodnight. You know, you are 1 sick fuuuuuuuuuuuucked up computer. Tee hee.

Peach left the computer room forgetting to put her thong back on after that intense sex scene with herself. Apparently, she was too distracted by that awesome orgasm because she just walked through the hallway butt ass naked with only a tank top on. Bet you wish this story had visuals now huh?

Wait? What if Grodus finds the thong in TEC's room. Nah. Nevermind. I'm pretty sure some perverted X-Naut will keep it for himself in perverted secrecy.

Chapture 4 - 3: Bowser's Outside Story!

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 20th, 2004. It is 2:30 PM, Sunny and 64 Degrees F.]

[Petalburg]

After a long staggering 1985 styled journey where Bowser and Kammy Koopa copied Super Mario Bros for the NES, he reached Petalburg in hopes to find the Star of Wrath. Or was it Peach they were looking for? Who knows. This whole area was so 2 Chaptures ago!

Bowser: HAR HAR HAR! THAT WAS THE BEST ADVENTURE EVAR! I'm pretty sure shes just around here somewhere!

Kammy Koopa: Forgive me lord Bowser, but your logic of thinking she'd be in this place of all towns is entirely based off nothing. Since she's kidnapped by other villains, we should look for an evil lair of some sorts.

Bowser: SHUT UP! I'M FUCKING BOWSER! NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I DIABOLICALLY SHOVE YOUR HEAD UP MY ASS AND SIT ON YOU!

Kammy Koopa: Yes... I apologize your foulness.

Bowser: That right! Fuck you bitch! Welp, I'm off! I'm gonna go talk to some of mah homeboy Koopas and maybe I can recruit a few of them since I blew up castle and what not! After this, we are going on that picnic where I am eating all those fucking Air Heads till I start puking sugary fiery acid all over myself!

Kammy Koopa: My Lord, Bowser. I must say. This town seems to be under somewhat of maintenance almost as if it was ravished by some ugly Dragon.

Bowser: Who cares! My story is way better anyway!

Koopie Koo: Hey there! You 2 must be the new tourists I've been hearing about! My name is Koopie Koo! The prettiest girl of this village.

Bowser: Oh my god! Who the fuck cares!? Have you seen a hot blonde Princess around here?

Koopie Koo: You're looking at 1 baby. Why don't you come into my throne and take over and I can be your queen of the Koopas.

Bowser: ...WHAT!? NO! You think I, Lord Bowser would ever be attracted to my own species!? THATS DISGUSTING! Well guess what weakling!? I'm a real King! And a real King is attracted to humans! With their... luscious blond hair... and their... smooth... WHITE... skin. White as the snow of Narnia! Your scaly yellow Koopa skin is only good for slave work under my Koopa monarchy.

Kammy Koopa: Uhh... Bowser, you might wanna be careful with your choice of words. Some of your content may potentially come off as racist!

Bowser: Racist against what!? Koopas!? Just cause I am some deformed king shaped Koopa, It doesn't mean I'm attracted to my own species. I'm attracted to ... slender... white ... Princess humans only!

Kammy Koopa: Yeah, but i'm not talking about the Koopa part, I'm talking abou-

Mayor Kroop: Koopie Koo! What are you doing!? Don't you know that thats the evil Koopa King Bowser! Hes given our race a worse name since Adolf Koopler! RUN! Run and hide while you still can!

Koopie Koo: Well yeah! I'm trying to get in his pants so I can be his queen!

Bowser: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa!

Bowser impulsively decked Koopie Koo in the nose. The same nose that Goombella broke and is still very noticeably broken. She was knocked out in a puddle of blood and pus her nose was so fucked up.

Kammy Koopa: Bowser!? What was that for?

Bowser: I PANICKED!

Kammy Koopa: PANICKED OVER WHAT!? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO FEAR!? YOU RETARDEDLY OVERSIZED KOOPA FUCK!?

Bowser: Wait! Shut the fuck up! Look! Outside dat window! Its Princess Peach!

An image of what appears to be Princess Peach was standing still smiling while explicitly exposing her butt similar to that "Breaking the Internet" photo no 1 talks about as much anymore.

Bowser: ITS PRINCESS PEACH! ITS PRINCESS PEACH!

Bowser started running towards her while blushing. He accidently tripped on a rock but get back up and still ran to her.

Kammy Koopa: Bowser! Thats clearly a post-

Bowser: PRINCESS! I'M HERE TO RESCUE- I MEAN KIDNAP YOU!

Peach: ...

Bowser: Oooo... I like when you get all silent like that... It … It turns me on...hohohohohoho...That's right sexyyyy... Don't make a peep. You and me will AHH! I CAN'T STAND IT! GET OVER HERE ALREADY!

Bowser popped a massive Koopa boner and in the epitome of visual ecstasy, grabbed the Peach poster, rolled it up, and started fucking the shit out it while he closed his eyes with his mouth wide opened and his headed facing fucking upwards.

Bowser: Uhh! YEAH! UHH! YEAH! OOHH! IM SO HORNY! RAWR!

Kammy Koopa: BOWSER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? DON'T YOU KNOW THATS CLEARLY SOME 1's POSTE-

Bowser: SHUT UP! DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME! JUST WATCH! AS I RAPE THE PRINCESS IN A SMALL VILLAGE!

Bowser: UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! GWA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Kammy Koopa: Is Bowser doing an evil laugh while fucking that poster?

Bowser: DON'T STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACH! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Bowser jizzed all of his yellow semen from his STDs all over the ripped up poster. Damn! Every1 in this chapture so far is getting laid huh? Maybe Mario's next.

Bowser: *panting* Ohh yeah... Best... sex... ever...

Bowser: Kammy! Bring me a towel! Lots of em'

Koopabraham (Age 25): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

A random koopa/ owner of the poster ran to Bowser freaking out that his poster got ruined! He started tearing up almost as if his pet get ran over or some shit like that.

Koopabraham: My... My life's treasure... Do you realized what you've done!? I've spent my life's bar-mitzvah money on that life Peach poster and now it's ruined IT'S RUINED! WAAAAAAAAA!

Bowser: P...P...POSTER!?

Koopabraham: This is worse than all of the Hooktail attacks combined! *sniff* Now…. *sniff*... Now I actually have to kill myself!

Bowser: AWW MAN! GREAT! Just great! Now I might as well be the huge, mighty king of RAPING POSTERS! GREAT! I'M NEVER RAPING ANY1 ON SALVIA AGAIN!

Bowser: Kammy! Why didn't you tell me that was a fucking poster!?

Kammy: I tried telling you 3 times you big stupid asshole! How did you not notice it was a poster WHEN YOU WERE FUCKING IT!?

Bowser: YOU'RE A BITCH!

Kammy Koopa: Call me a bitch 1 more time and I'll sack tap you outrageously hard in the balls!

Bowser: I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT YOU OLD WITCH SENILE RETARD TURTLE THING! I'LL JUST BREATH FIRE ON YOU!

Kammy Koopa: THATS IT!

Bowser and Kammy started wrestling with each other harmlessly like a bunch of morons. They were poorly attempted to hurt each other by pulling their hair and pinching each other's nipples while tackling eachother and bitching/ yelling.

Oh. And Koopabraham killed himself in the background never to be seen again.

Chapture 4 - 4: Spider Mario!

Mario (Age 43): An absurdly drunk ass bastard with an incomprehensible amount of issues. He's the horny imperial like leader of the rising Team M. Often times, he has no idea what the fuck hes doing and tends to get impulsively violent to the point where it worries the fuck out of his challenged team mates. Seriously, it's debatable whether he's a sociopath or not. I bet he got so drunk 1 night, he just kind of broke the metaphorical roof of how drunk some1 can get and just never came back to sobered up. Hes an asshole who gives 0 fucks what you or what even I think of him.

Goombella (Age 21): Though she has her own independent thoughts, she's still your day to day pretentious liberal arts college cunt know it all student. She pretends to get grossed out by shit for the sake of being that reactionary character that likes to make every1 feel like shit for superiority purposes. She tends not to get along with other females out of unconscious jealousy and wanting all of the girl attention out of everybody. She has a compensation disorder in almost the same way guys with small ding dongs do.

Koops (Age 18): A simple minded Koopa who tends to get pushed over alot. He gets very easily confused to the point where not many other character's understand him. Not even himself really. He's alot more complicated than he may seem since he struggles alot with identity issues more than you might realize.

Flurrie (Age 49): A perverted former shit fetishing porn star who is constantly looking for a good ol' shtickly with just about anyone. She moved to woods to get away from the spotlight to do weird perverted acts in the woods. Unconsciously, she has a tendency to almost rape all of the members of Team M.

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 21st, 2004. It is 7:30 PM, Sunny and 64 Degrees F.]

[The Great Tree]

Judging from the captain's log, you may gather that Team M was out cold asleep for awhile. Basically, you know how they were sleeping in the even lower basement of the tree where they grow all of their weed? Yeah... get this, THEY SMOKED ALL OF IT! Have you seen Pineapple Express!? We're talking 2ice as much weed than that building held under the Great Tree of Might.

Goombella: Uhh... *YAWNS LOUDLY* Wow! What a night! Thats gotta be the biggest weed hangover like, ever! WHOA! WHAT THE HELL!?

Goombella was shocked by a man in a big spider costume hanging above her while giving an evil grin with his above average lengthed penis dangling in the air. Obviously it's Mario.

Mario: You know... I'm no ordinary spider! Mosst spiders have 8 legs... Well, with me, I also got this here 9th 1! You know what some people also call it? MAH DI-

Goombella panicked and bursted out of her empty weed bag bed thing and skull bashed Mario while wearing her helmet giving him a bloody nose.

Mario: OOOWWWW!1

Goombella followed this by viciously biting Mario in the dick n' ballz hurting him a fuck ton! Mario then spun out on control and fell on his stomach flat.

GOOMBELLA: MARIO!

Goombella: WHAT!

Goombella: THE!

Goombella: FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO!?

Mario: Oww... The fuck! Oww my fucking nose n' balls!

Mario laid on the floor in agonizing pain from the biting of his genitalia.

Goombella: WERE YOU TRYING TO RAPE ME IN A SPIDER COSTUME!?

Mario: ffffffffff. You didn't have to bite my fucking nuts bitch..*Sigh* Look, I was trying to rape you cause I thought it would be funny. Why should that piss you off!?

Goombella: WHY SHOULD THAT PISS ME OFF?! HMM... LETS SEE!? MAYBE IT'S THE PART WHERE YOU WORE A SPIDER COSTUME? OR MAYBE IT'S WHERE YOU TRIED RAPING ME! YOU KNOW I'M AN ARACHNOPHOBIC AND YOU TRIED RAPING ME! DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW FUCKED UP ALL OF THAT IS!?

Mario: Okay... Calm down. You do realize from the reader's perspective that you're the 1 sounding like the bad guy, right?

Goombella: TELL ME TO CALM DOWN AGAIN AND I'LL STOMP ON YOU LIKE YOU WOULD A FUCKING GOOMBA! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPER MARIO, NOT SUPER FUCKING ASSHOLE RAPIST! YOU USED TO KNOW THAT!

Koops: Holy cow like, what's goin on? I just woke up.

Flurrie: Mmmmy... Whats all this?

Mario: So what? You can't take a joke all the sudden? I was trying to recreate your favorite nightmare to tease you in a cute funny way, you really don't get why that's funny?

Goombella: THATS IT! WE ARE NO LONGER ON SPEAKING TERMS, YOU GOT THAT!?

Mario: Heh. Will see about that bitch girl.

Goombella: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Goombella stormed off as she walked to the lobby of the tree.

Koops: Woazers! What was all that about!? And why are you wearing that spider costume?

Mario: Pfffttt... Remember when I was telling you about that whole joke I was planning on where I rape Goombella in this costume to fuck with her by fucking her?

Flurrie: She didn't like that? Aww... But that's soooo sweet though...

Koops: Oh yeah. I remember now. Gosh. You really went through with that? Wow. I feel kind of bad now. It sounded funny when you explained to me, but if she's upset.. uh... I guess I can go talk to her.

Mario: Hah...Well go on. Be a faggot. It was still pretty funny though.

Koops caught up to Goombella with his usual awkward run.

Flurrie: So Mario... If you need some tips on how to do some serious fucking bondage role play, I Flurrie can always be of some sheer service.

Mario: I was trying to prank her by raping her. It wasn't suppose to be consensual.

Flurrie: I don't understand the difference hunny.

Mario: No... no you wouldn't.

Koops caught up to Goombella in hopes that his friendliness would pay off.

Koops: Hey Goombella! Whats wrong?

Goombella: Oh, did you not hear!? Mario was going to... RAPE... me.

Koops: Wait. I don't get it. I thought Mario was doing it as a joke. Like uhh... did you not get it or something?

Goombella: HOW IS SOME1 RAPING SOME1 ELSE A JOKE!?

Koops: Well I don't know... Mario explained it pretty well to me I guess... I don't know.

Goombella: So if Mario raped you, you'd brush it off like it was just some kind of joke!?

Koops: Well... uhh...I don't know. I can see why it'd be funny, but I could see why you might not find it funny either.

Goombella: Whatever... None of you have any ounce of common sense cause you're all a bunch of idiots!

In Koops' Head: Shut the fuck up you fucking bitch.

Koops: Oh wow... I'm just trying to help. Sheesh.

Koops brushed off the frustration he had from talking to Goombella and put that energy into checking Koopie Koo's facebook.

Goombella and Koops reached the lobby of the tree where they were encountered by some Punies.

Punio: Hi Goombella!

Goombella: Good Morning Punies.

Puniper: It's hardly morning.

Punathan: Yeah. Its like, 7:40.

Koops: Oh well thats not so bad!

Punathan: I mean, it's 7:40 PM! Like, the sun is setting.

Koops: Yikes! We must have been passed out for awhile from all that weed.

Elder Puni: Yeah. We weren't even able to sleep the smoke was hurting our eyes so bad.

Punio: Yeah. The whole tree was covered in smoke. We thought it was a fire but then we realized, wait... its just you guys smoking our weed. We would have stopped you, but we felt guilty since you saved us and Mario would probably try to murder-fuck us if we attempted to stop him.

Goombella: He'd probably try to do it while wearing a spider costume too...

Mario and Flurrie entered the room.

Mario: Sup motha fuckas. Whadwe miss?

Goombella gave Mario a really silent and angry look.

Elder Puni: Well... Looks like you all better be heading off now. Before you 4 wear out your welcome even more and smoke more of our weed.

Mario: We smoked it all!

Flurrie: It was most excellent weed I concurr.

Petuni: Whoa! Thats alot of weed.

Koops: Wait, we're not going to overdose on weed are we?

Mario: Dont be stupid. It's impossible to overdose on weed! Even if it was, we would have died long by now!

Elder Puni: Well... again... Thank you for saving our tree. We are still forever in your debt. Come back soon, but not too soon. Were pretty sick of you at the moment.

Mario: You bet your grey shriveled old puni ass you are!

Punio: So uh... Goombella...I'm glad you guys helped me with my tourettes. Just curious... After that whole adventure we had... I was thinking, would you uhh... wanna start like... a long distant thing?

Koops: I still wish I had tourettes.

Goombella: A what?

Punio: You know. Maybe your like ... gosh its hot in here... Like, when you're done with your adventure, maybe you'd like, wanna have a long distant…. relationship? And I can like,uhh… wait for you until your done and we can live together?

Goombella: Oh wow. Uh... I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but... you're honestly not my type in any way. Your like, 14 so that would TOTALLY make me a stachatory pedophile or some shit.

Punio: We don't have to have sex!

Goombella: Well... no offense again, but you punies are kind of hideous to me. I mean, you guys are cute in the pug kind of way, but I don't know. I'm a Goomba, and to me, dating a Puni is like having a relationship with the neighbors dog. I hope you understand.

Punio: *sigh* I guess... *sniff* Well, in that case, have a nice life then...

Mario: Well my strange partners! I guess we're off to our next strange adventure!

Flurrie: Ta-ta Punies!

Team M took off.

Punio: FUCK FUCK FUCK! NO! ITS BACK! SHIT SHIT SHIT!

Mario ran back for 1 more immature remark.

Mario: Punio! I almost forgot! You look like a hideous venereal disease designed to exterminate sick cats! And If you think your life has any other meaning, it doesn't. Grey losers like you have no use other purpose in life other than being food for retarded birds and climbing up ded pervert's assholes! OH! TOLD YOU ID SAY IT! TOLDJUH! PIECE! OF MY DICK FOR YOU TO SUCK! BITCH! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mario caught up with the rest of his team

[Boggly Woods]

Mario: Well that was 1 retarded adventure.

Mario lit up a cigarette.

Koops: Where did you get that cigarette?

Mario: Who knows... Oh shit. I forgot to give back that sun orb! Ehh Who gives a fuck. I'll just pawn the shit out of it when I can.

Flurrie: In that case, Shall we be off to Ghettoport now?

Mario: Shit, your really coming with us?

Flurrie: Why yes of course my lovely little lads! What kind of person would I be if I left the team and went home only to be so far away from my sexy team?

Goombella: A great person!?

Flurrie: Well. I'm stickin' with you on this misguided misadventure harder than i've ever stuck anything up my rancid vadgelly.

Mario: God damnit. Wait-a make our team look 2ce as uglier from now on….

Flurrie: Oh you guys.

Flurrie gave the team an ominous sexual stare.

Koops: Say,,, What happened to Robotnik after you guys like... had sex?

Flurrie: Gosh. I have absolutely no clue. I hope hes alright. He must have just disappeared without leaving me any money. Just like my step uncle.

Koops: Uhh... Mario? Are you gonna finish that cigarette?

Mario: Actually. I just lit it randomly. I don't really know why I just did that. I keep forgetting I don't smoke these.

Mario carelessly chucked his cigarette behind his shoulder landing somewhere on the Great Tree of Might.

Mario: Let's get going.

While they all took off, the cigarette Mario threw away started slowly lighting the Great Tree of Might on fire. The best part is, is that none of them noticed that the tree was about to burn down. Also, the Punies had no idea how to put out the fire so I guess that means no more Great Tree of Might. I think they lived though. You'll find out later.

Koops: Do you guy's smell something burning?

As they were close to the warp pipe, Mario at last received yet another email.

Koops: Mario! Your leg be having another seizure! RUN!

Goombella: Koops. We've been over this. Its just Mario's phone.

Koops: Oh right. hehe.

Goombella: You really need to eat your breakfast more often dude. Maybe you wouldn't be such a fucking retard if you did.

Koops: Yeah true.

Mario: So wait. Who's up for reading this email this time? Goombella do yo- Nevermind. Your still mad at me. Uhh... Flurrie can you? Wait nevermind. I don't know where your hands have been. Koops? Nah fuck that. Your hands are either really cheesey, or way too greasy. Whatever. Koops. Just read it and I'll hold it for you!

Koops: Yay! I'm doing something useful for 1ce!

"Deer Mareeyo m shur yr veree wrreed abaout mii...liek, jk cus U nevr writ mii bac! But ges wat bitch? Im actshelly fin! I havin sex wit a cumpeeutr and hez gud at s3x lol! Hes a lot butter than u cud bii. OMG liek, He liek, clonz a haligram uhv miiself so I can can seckz with my-self cuz im the bessst! But srsly. I wana find mor about out this plaic n i wil du mai bezt 2 e-male U agen if U writ bak dis tim, K? But SRSLY, u must no I dpnt misss U. Latly Ive dreamt bout X-cuting U n front uhf oll hour frindz n de castal. I hop wii spind da dayz loling at Ur decapitated hed az Ur corpse bleds and you $#!+ Urself! Tata! But SRSly, baiii"

-Princess Peach-

Koops: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Koops puked all over mario's phone.

Mario: Aw AWWWWWWW! DAMNIT KOOPS! NOT AGAIN!

Koops: Soory about that Mario Is her gramer's gettin worse? Its geting uh litle contagis

Goombella: Right!? You lose brain cells when ever you read it.

Mario: I love how you've been harping on people for everything today. Anyway, I think that whole computer business is just her on some kind of acid. I can never tell with her cause shes is the purest example of a dumb blonde. Seriously. She became Princess cause her parents are rich and bought her a castle for winning prom queen on her junior year while her spanish toad did all of her school work. Their family was always obsessed with penises so 1000 years ago, they mutated all of the humans and spliced their DNA with penises. I don't know why they had to turn out so small. Even under their hats are fucking heads of penises. Yes. I'm talking about Toads by the way. Anyhow, we should get going.

Flurrie: That is the most precious story I have ever heard.

Koops: So were going down that warp pipe again?

Mario: Yup.

Mario grabbed Goombella, chucked her at Koops' stomach, which projectiling both of them at Flurrie's boobs causing them all to fall down the warp pipe together.

After the 11 Hour Warp pipe ride, they 1ce again for like, the 3rd time entered Ghettoport and are heading straight to the sewer where they met Punio.

[Ghettoport Sewer]

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 22nd, 2004. It is 8:00 AM, Sunny and 64 Degrees F.]

Flurrie: So this is the sewer of Ghettport huh? Mmmm... What a refreshing smell. How arousing...

Koops: Arousing?

Goombella: Geez Flurrie. You would be turned on by the smell of sewage wouldn't you?

Flurrie: Well yeah. Its my profession hunny. You see, the real reason I retired from my extravigant porno career was because I attempted the art that is independant filming. Unfortunately, I lost my entire audience because they were not ready for some of my original Flurrie made ideas. Apparently the world is not ready for I! Madame Flurrie to eat a man's genitals and shit it out onto their sebbard crotch region only for me to remold the shit into the shape of their original dick n' balls and freezing the fecal matter so I can suck off my own shit the shape of the man's privates! So I psychologically convinced myself that I was too good for my audience as an excuse to give up for the safety of my reputation! And if you think it was because of my audience losing interest and turning it's back on me, you can go fuck yourself.

Mario: I think it's because you got too gross for even shit fetish perverted maniacs such as myself to get off to. That says alot by the way.

After a few minor repetitive obstacles, they reached the throne of the 1000 year door as always to do the famous game ritual of knowing where the fuck they gotta go next.

Flurrie: Ahh... The 1000 year door you all have been talking about. Mmm... It's so big and pink and deep It reminds me of Ghettoport's vadgelly...

Koops: It looks a little more red to me.

Goombella: It's not a fucking vadgelly Flurrie. Its a Door. We need the 7 Dedly stars to open it.

Flurrie: Well I bet I can find another way to open it early.

Goombella: Sure... Now Mari- I mean, Koops. Uhhh… Tell Mario to stand on the center podium of the shrine to activate that ritual from last time.

Koops: Mario to stand on the center podium of the shrine to activate that -

Mario: Yeah yeah! I know how to do it. I've done it 2ice before

Mario in frustration spat out a loogy on Koops' crusty hoodie.

Koops placed the Star of Envy on the 51.49 degree of the shrine while Mario stood on the center piece while raising the map up as always.

Mario: This is such a gay ritual!

As usual, blu rays bursted out of the shrine and through the circumference. Both the Stars of Wrath and Envy began glowing in their designated location. Everything was spinning. The map soon burnt another illustration on the upper side of the map. This time, it was a floating babylon like dojo propelled by bursting flames from the bottom possibly ravishing the OZone layer. Also, there was a giant Chain Chomp in the middle that might even be the boss they have to face this chapture. This was shown floating between Hooktail's castle and the Great Tree of Might. Sky level?

The map floated back in Mario's hands.

Mario: Well that was boring.

Koops pointed his greasy finger at the map almost carelessly poking a hole in it.

Koops: Wow! Check it out Mario! This level looks like it's gonna be in the sky. Huh. Looks like we need to get our jet packs huh?

Mario: Shut up Koops!

Goombella: Hey Flurrie! You can stop licking the door! Its not like its gonna open that way!

Flurrie: Give it time girl. It just needs to get a little more wet from my luscious tongue.

Goombella: Eww... You're so fucking strange. Lets just talk to Frankly and hopefully we won't have to go on a long retarded long ass adventure like the last 2 times.

Chapture 4 - 5: Frankly don't give a Fuck and Mario gets Drunk! ... Drunker...

They arose back from the grimy ooze that is the sewers of Ghettoport now walking their way to Frankly from some map like explanation yet again.

Koops: We're seeing Frankly again? Oh gosh.. I'm so nervous. What if he still doesn't like me?

Mario: Well, your not particularly likable, so thats nothing for you to worry about.

Koops: Oh. Phew... Thanks Mario.

Goombella: Now Koops or Flurrie. Can 1 of you tell Mario not to smash Frankly's door down this time?

Mario: You know, you're making it very obvious that you're still on speaking terms with me. Although, guess again dork!

Mario started slamming the door with his hammer unsuccessfully.

Mario: Fuck! He must have bought a better door this time!

Flurrie: Mario. Allow me...

Flurrie knocked Mario out of the way with her stupid boobs and she farted on the door causing even the door got so grossed out, that it disintegrated.

Frankly was seen hangin' himself from a noose with his pants off while passed out. Team M was surely surprised.

Goombella: OH MY GOD! PROFESSOR FRANKLY IS DED!1

Goombella started tearing up again.

Goombella: NOOOOO! SOME 1! CUT THAT ROPE! NOW!

Goombella kicked Koops' shell causing him to spin and fly at the rope cutting it down like a Bob Chandler on the internet.

Goombella: GIVE HIM AIR! NOW! SOME1!

Mario: 1, 2, 3, NOT IT!

Koops: Uhh... Not it.

Flurrie: I'll do it!

Flurrie grabbed Frankly in a provocative like grip and started giving him errotic CPR in the grossest way possible.

Frankly: *COUGH COUGH* BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!Ugg... Where am I? and EWW! WHAT'S THAT GROSS TASTE IN MY MOUTH!? I'VE HAVEN'T TASTED SO MUCH ASS, SINCE I WAS IN VIETNAM!

Flurrie: Why thats my breath hunny... From eating my own ass.

Frankly: EWW! WHO IN GENGHIS KHAN'S COFFIN LET THIS GROSS SMELLY ABOMINATION INTO MY LAB/ HOUSE PLACE!?

Mario: This is Flurrie. She a famous pornstar who decided to get all gross and fat and old for no reason.

Frankly: You mean Madame Flurrie from Cleavage Cluster Fuckers 8 joined your party!? What in Cuckolding Constantine happened to you!? I used to be your biggest fan until now just by gazing at your grossness! BLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Frankly puked on Flurrie's Face.

Mario: Cleavage Cluster Fuckers 8 fucking sucked. That had some of the worst porn angels I've ever seen. Donkey Punch Cuntry will always win #1 in my book!

Koops: Wait, so professor, Why were you trying to kill yourself with your pants down?

Frankly: Well.. Lets see... How do I explain... Are you kids familiar with Auto Erotic Asphyxiation?

Koops and Goombella: No?

Mario and Flurrie: Yes.

Frankly: Auto Erotic Asphyxiation is an act for an intensifying orgasm by depriving the body of oxygen. In other words, choking yourself gives you a really good high while also giving an even greater orgasm. It can be performed by both sexes, and can be done alone while masturbatiing, or during sex.

Goombella: Okay okay! Geez! Thats a little too much information.

Frankly: I must have passed out in the middle of it. Its good you came or else I probably would have died. I guess that's a good thing...yes...

Goombella: Yeah... Well, anyway, we found the 2nd star! So, you know, we did the whole ritual shit and all. You know anything about this new location on the map?

Goombella: Oh wait. Can some1 tell Mario to hand me the map?

Mario: You can just ask me instead of you trying way too hard to hold a grudge.

Mario handed the map to Frankly

Mario: You see this shit Professor? She's been mad at me all day just cause I tried raping her while wearing a spooky spider costume.

Frankly: Aww... You kids and your playful experimental hootenanny and hwat not. So precious...

Goombella: HE TRIED TO RAPE ME!

Frankly: Oh come now. Who in the 8th would take something like that so seriously? He was just playing a practical joke. No need to get all fussy...Next time Mario, I recommend wearing a horse costume. The ladies DIG that!

Frankly: Anyway, I'm assuming you all are familiar with the show The Glory Hole?

Flurrie: Go on...?

Mario: You mean that show on that dying network; EFPN? (Entertainment and FanFiction Programming Network) That Frikken place floats in the sky!? I thought it just took place in some crummy part of Indiana!

Frankly: Stunning isn't it? The name of the floating island/ town it's in is known as Glitzville. Families go there on vacation to get drunk and puke sweat and cheap expired hotdog meat at the contestants. They say that even the children get fat and wasted there! Rich people even wage bets on their mansions, their limousines, and Chocolate Lab Bichon Poodles, and even their own CEO royalties to stupid shit like Cosco and Gap and Block Buster.

Flurrie: Mmmm... All of this is indeed gouging Madame Flurrie's pussy.

Goombella: Please settle down Flurrie. So wait? How the hell are we supposed to get there if it's floating in the fucking sky?

Koops: Heh... Maybe we can just drink some Redbull. You know... I'd become a Paratroopa, you become a Paragoomba, 1 of us can carry Mario, and Flurrie can already fly!

Goombella: ...*Sigh* God damnit Koops. Thats just a dumb fucking gag in the commercials!

Koops: Wait. Really? I've never had a Redbull before so idk.

Frankly: It's common knowledge that red bulls do not give you wings you TWIT!

Frankly grabbed the map and tapped Koops in the nose.

Koops: Oww. That actually hurt.

Koops' bandaid spot on his nose actually started bleeding.

Frankly: Anyway... You can take a blimp to Glitzville from West Ghettoport.

Mario: You mean this fucking town has a "west side"? Thats hilarious!

Frankly: You can only take the blimp if you have the right connections though. You actually have to talk to the Don of the Hawaiian Mafia in order to get a ticket.

Koops: Wow. So people can only get a ticket if they have the right connections? And you can't even purchase a ticket yourself? So that means that line of Blimp Travel would make absolutely no money! Isn't that kind of bad for business on all parts? Also, why would the mafia have ties with blimp travel anyway if it's not making them any money?

Everyone Else: SHUT UP KOOPS!

Koops: Aww man...

Goombella: Wow Professor! This is the 1st time you've actually given resourceful information on how to travel to the next destination.

Frankly: Well yeah. You dumb fucks wont shut the fuck up about it. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I CALL THE HAWAIIAN MAFIA ON YOUR ASSES!

Mario: So with your whole talk about calling the Hawaiian Mafia? That means you have connections with them right? Can't you just get tickets for us!

Frankly: WHAT!? ARE YOU KIDDING!? NO! I GOTTA GO BACK TO CHOKING MYSELF WHILE MASTERBATING!

Koops: I like how you never put your pants back on.

Frankly: YOU OWE ME A NEW ROPE FOR HANGING MYSELF!

Frankly kicked the awkward team out of his house with a power kick.

Frankly: AND STOP GROSING OUT MY DOORS!

Mario: Fuck that guys a dick! Lets go to the bar and get drunk or something.

[Podley's Pub]

Later at the Podley's Pisshole of a Pub.

Battle- I mean... Background Music: Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple.

Koops: Wow! So we gotta talk to some mafia guys!? Sheesh. That makes me kind of nervous!

Mario: You'll be fine 1ce you get drunk. I have alot of coins from killing all those creatures in that tree a day or 2 ago.

Podley: What can I get for you 4?

Mario: Bring me 8 of your finest shots of Buffalo Trace asshole!

Podley: Ahh.. I little spendy spendy I see eh? Hehe... And how about you sir?

Koops: Uhh... I'll have... 2 SHOTS OF TEQUILA!

Podley: Well... What brand?

Koops: Uhh... Mario. Help me out here.

Mario: Jose Cuervo.

Koops: Hozay Queervo Sir!

Mario facepalmed hard as he had a slight realization that he's surrounded by a bunch of stupid fucking retards.

Podley: Its Cuervo son... How about you maam?

Goombella: Some1 Tell Mario, I want 1 Budlite... no ... 2 BUDLITES!

Mario: OH FOR FUCK SAKES GOOMBELLA! ALL YOUR DOING IS SAYING "SOME1 TELL MARIO" SO IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOU'RE DIRECTLY TALKING TO ME!

Everyone: ...

A random guy in the bar started whacking himself with a beer bottle to deth over losing a football bet while doing a goofy drunk laugh.

Podley: Ooooohhh right, how about- OH HEY! Its Madame Flurrie! BLEEEEERGG!

Podley puked on the floor leading to a chain reaction of every1 else puking 1ce they all recognized Flurrie. Apparently the sight of Flurrie makes almost any1 puke at the 1st glance of her existence. Am I right Paper Mario fans? Scream and wake up your parents if you agree with me!

Flurrie: Mmmm... I'll have 1 Sex on the Beach please...

Flurrie started fingering her nipple with her tongue sticking out at Podley in a sexual manner.

Podley: Please stop doing that... Also, can I have your autograph?

Flurrie: Mmmmhmmm...

Flurrie signed a receipt in a pretentious manner. Mario took a look at it.

Mario: HOLY SHIT! 34 COINS!? WHY DON'T YOU JUST CUT MY NUTS OFF WHILE YOU'RE AT IT YOU FUCKSHIT!

Podley: You want the drinks or not?

Mario: GAAAAAAAAAHHH! Yeah... fine…

Mario paid Podley and he soon enough got the drinks ready for the soon to be drunk team.

5 Drunks in the background started to play spin the bottle with each other knowing they're all straight guys.

Goombella: So Flurrie, I have to ask. You're the newest partner, and already you've gotten probably the worst verbal abuse out any of us. You don't even get mad about it either. Whats up with that?

Flurrie: Mmmm... I'm glad you asked my pussy gouging goomba girl... Its because I like it when you guys talk dirty... *aggressive sex moan* It REALLY TURNS ME ON!

Flurrie just downed the hell out of her Sex on the Beach drink.

Mario: That explains alot.

Mario grabbed 3 of his shots of whiskey in a Wolverine kind of way and drank them. 5 to go.

Koops: Wow! That looks awesome! My turn! Hey look every1! I'm Mario!

Koops took the 2 shots, and drank them all at 1ce. Koops then started coughing alot.

Koops: *COUGH COUGH COUGH* HOLY FUCK! I FORGOT HOW BADLY THAT BURNS! WHY DID I DRINK THAT JUST NOW!?

Flurrie: Well they don't call it "picking your poison" for nothing sweety.

Koops: Oh good. My mouth is all numb now. Wow... You're starting to look a little more attractive! So wait. How are we planning on getting in contact with those mob guys anyway?

A random drunk guy attempted to summersault like Sonic the Hedgehog naked while having his skin painted blue.

Mario: Well its simple. *Takes another shot* Were gonna TIE THEM UP! AND WERE GONNA FORCE THEM TO GIVE US A BLIMP TICKET, OR I WILL FORCE THEM TO DRINK MY CUM WITH ORANGE FANTA! AND IF THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, WE WILL MAKE THEM EAT FLURRIE'S SMELLY DIRTY CORN HOLE! AND 1 OF YOU ARE GONNA FILM IT.

Goombella started slowly drinking yet gagging at the wretched taste of Bud Lite.

Koops: But aren't mobsters like... .dangerous...?

Mario: Were Team M! The dangerously badass team where we Murder-Fuck dragons and fight Nazi rip off's.

The Bar Music suddenly transformed into Clocks by Coldplay.

Mario: AH WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT!?

Flurrie: What's wrong Mario?

Mario: WHAT THE FUCK!? NO! WE ARE NOT GONNA LISTEN TO FUCKING COLDPLAY! SOME1 TURN THAT SHIT OFF! NOW!

Goombella: Can some 1 tell Mario to stop making a scene?

Mario drank the rest of his shots looking drunk as fuck.

Koops: It's not so bad.

Flurrie: I think it's a lovely song!

Mario: SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! I CAN'T STAND FUCKING COLDPLAY AND IT'S DEPRESSING CORPERATE GARBAGE FUCKING CUCKING BULLSHIT!

Mario got on the Bar stool and started stomping his feet like an Autistic manchild from Virginia.

Mario: PODLEY! CHANGE THIS FUCKING GARBAGE! NOW! BEFORE I SHIT MYSELF AND THROW MY SOILED OVERALLS AT YOU!

Goombella: Oh my god... he's gonna get us kicked out I just know it.

Podley: Oh well sorry... I just thought that this song would be a good change of pace from what we normally play.

A random customer started drunk break dancing knocking shit over and spilling beer everywhere. Sticky sticky beer...

Mario: I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK! CHRIS MARTIN IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND I HOPE HE FUCKING DIES IN A HOUSE FIRE! THERE IS A REASON WHY BARS NEVER PLAY THIS SHIT! THEY! LOOSE! CUSTOMERS! NO 1 WANTS TO LISTEN TO THIS FUCKING SHIT!

Podley: Please... Just settle down sir... Maybe you can just give it a chance?

Mario: OKAY! THATS IT!

Mario began going on a catchy obnoxious chant where he pumped both fists on tempo, and stomped his foot chanting "TURN IT OFF!"

Mario: TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!

Every1 else in the background including Koops and Flurrie joined Mario in the chant while smashed their hands on the table in unison.

All but Podley and Goombella: TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!

Podley: Alright Alright! Fine! You all win.

Podley switched the song to I'm Gonna Rape You by GG Allin.

Mario: Thats better!

Mario got back in his seat and started somewhat behaving again. Goombella forced herself to drink her 1st whole Bud Lite.

Koops: Gosh golly guys! I can really jam out to this! Look at me go!

The drunk Koopa took a turn at standing on the bar table and started doing the hustle in a retardedly socially awkward way.

Koops: Ooo... Oh yeah! Work it work it! Yeah!

Flurrie: Oh my...

Mario: Koops... There is a special place in the short bus for people like you.

Flavio (Age 25) Hey man! That was awesome what you did just there with that whole Coldplay garbage.

Mario: Ahh... It was nothing baby.. Mmmm Let me kiss you sexy!

Mario grabbed Flavio and kissed and tried undressing him thinking he was a french maid. Flavio panicked, pushed Mario off of him, and ran off.

Flavio: WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!111

Mario: Call me!

Goombella: Great... There he goes raping again...

Mario: Hey guys! Who wants to watch me climb on the roof like Donkey Kong!?

Koops: Dude! You gotta do that!

Goombella: Can some1 tell Mario NOT TO DO THAT CAUSE HE'S LIKE, TOTALLY DRUNK OFF HIS ASS LIEK NO TOMORROW!

Mario: Don't care! I'm doing it!

Mario walked upstairs reaching Toadsworth's room

Toadswarth: Oh hi Mario! It's been awhile since we-

Mario: ROAR!

The inebriated Italian man chucked a random beer bottle at Toadsworth's forehead knocking him out in a pool of blood. Don't worry he didn't die I don't think..

Mario found another door that lead him onto the Roof of the building. Why the hell would some 1 make a door where you can go up to the roof is beyond me. He started bouncing up and down on the roof for joy.

Mario: I'm doing it! I'm Doing it! YIPPEEEEE! I AM MARIO! HEAR ME ROAR!

Flurrie: Wow! My little man is really doing it!

Goombella: Flurrie! Get him off of there! Can't you see this is getting serious!?

Koops: Go Mario! You're the man! WOO!

Mario: Ooooo look! Another item shop!

Mario found a badge shop just sitting on top of the roof. Mario entered the shop noticing a female ball shaped mouse with a black raccoon mask who totally isn't pulling off some bullshit disguise.

Ms. Mow- I mean Badge Shop Owner (Age 25): Hey there. I see you found my secret shop! If theres anything you need, let me know.

Mario: WOW! A BADGE SHOP ON A FUCKING ROOF OF A BAR!? HOLY FUCK! THIS PLACE IS SO WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIRD MAN!

Badge Shop Owner: Well... take your time. We got plenty of magnificent badges beyond this world!

Mario: Hey! You look familiar sexy mouse lady... do I know you from somewhere? Eh? EEEHHH? COME ON! Come oooooonnnnnnnn…. TELL ME!

Mario's partners barged in the badge shop worried about their drunk leader.

Koops: Wow! *burp* I've never seen Mario this drunk before.

Goombella: We need to sober him up! How the hell are we supposed to meet the Hawaiian Mafia like this?

Badge Shop Owner: No, hes fine! I built this shop above a bar so I'm used to the partying type. Hehe.

Goombella: Don't I know you from somewhere?

Badge Shop Owner: NO!

Goombella: Well…. fuck you anyway.

Mario: Alright strange bitch! Give me your 4 best badges!

Badge Shop Owner: Well... We just recently got this 1 badge that does-

Mario: I WANT THE BLUE SPIKY COCK LOOKING HAMMER 1, THE 1 THAT LOOKS LIKE THE POWER SMASH BADGE BUT THE SHOE, THE 1 FUCKING GREEN SHOE THAT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A SMILING SHEEP WITH HORNS! THAT 1's AWESOME LOOKING! OH OH OH! AND THE 1 THAT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A ORANGE STOP SIGN WITH THE YELLOW D ON IT! IT LOOKS FUCKING FUNNY AS FUCK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA!

Badge Shop Owner: Sooo... The Piercing Blow, Power Jump, Sleepy Stomp, and Power Rush…?

Goombella: You know... this might actually not be the worst investment I've seen of his.

Koops: Yeah... He's a good purchaser while drunk huh?

Badge Shop Owner: Is that all?

Mario: Yes it is you stupid bitch!

Badge Shop Owner: Hehe well... that'll be-

Mario: DON'T CARE!

Mario some how matched the right amount of coins needed to upgrade some of his shit and used up all of his BP.

Mario: Thank you! Now back to continuing my drunk rage! WOOOOO!

Mario ran out bursting through the door like the drunk berserker he is!

Koops: HOLY SHIT! HES RUNNING OFF AGAIN!

Goombella: GET HIM!

Mario was standing on the edge of the cliff beating chest and singing the drunkest cover of Free Falling by Tom Petty any1 has ever heard.

Koops: Holy crap Mario!

Goombella: SOME1 GRAB MARIO HE'S ABOUT TO FALL!

Mario: AND I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEE! FREE FAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL*burp*IIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Goombella: SOME 1 TELL MARIO TO GET OVER HERE BEFORE I KILL HIM!

Mario: NOT BEFORE I KILL MYSELF!

Mario jumped off the building doing a flip to show off. Well he survive? Well READ AND FIND OUT THE OBVIOUS!

Chapture 4 - 6: Misadventure in da Ghetto!

Mario landed on the ground resulting in a huge ass fucking fall that should have killed him. Since he's drunk, his body is limp. So hes fine. You've seen the American Dad episode about that right? Although he did land on some1's tobacco pipe!

Zess T (Age 55): What the hell is with all that noise on the roof!?

Mario started to get up with having a shit ton of glass caught all over his bloody cut up face.

Mario: Ugg... Who the hell are you?

Zess T: I'M THE OWNER OF THE FUCKING BUILDING YOUR ASS WAS JUMPING ON! THE 1 CONNECTED TO THAT FILTHY PUB!

Mario: Great... another fucking old person in the story. What are you, like the 10th 1 so far?

Zess T.: Hey what's that glass all over your face?

Mario: What are you talking about? I think I would feel glass if I had glass on my face.

The partners walked through the door of Podley's

Koops: What's going on?

Zess T.: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOU CLUMSY FUCKING DRUNK IDIOT! You fell on my glass tobacco pipe! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mario: Who the hell smokes tobacco out of a glass pipe? I thought people just lied and did that with weed.

Zess T.: WHY WOULD YOU PLAY ON THE ROOF DRUNK LIKE THAT YOU STUPID FUCKING WOP!?

Mario: Oh fuck you bitch! You look like the old retarded munchkin from the wizard of OZ that was never used in the movie on account that you're so ugly! They probably just mistaken your face as sewage treatment so they had to keep you in a containment field instead!

Zess T: FUCK YOU! YOU OWE ME A NEW TOBACCO PIPE!

Mario: Yeah. Fuck that shit! I got places to be so get out of my way!

Mario pushed Zess T on the ground. She immediately got back up and blocked his way to the West side of Ghetto Port.

Zess T: Oh thats it! I'm blocking your way!

Mario: What...

Zess T: Yeah! So now the only way you're gonna get past here, is to buy me a new tobacco pipe!

Mario: Oh hell no! You might as well be another tollway person too! ILL KILL YOU!

Mario attempted to strangle the angry old woman. The partners had to pull him off of her.

Zess T defended herself by pushing some of the glass trapped under Mario's face deep into his flesh.

MARIO: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11

Goombella: Alright alright! We'll buy you a new pipe!

Mario: You're lucky I'm too drunk to strangle you! When I sober up, I'LL HAVE YOU DED YOU HEAR ME!? DEEEEDDDD!

Zess T: Shut your mouth! Your lucky if I don't get a restraining order on you! Since there's no law here, I can't... In the mean time, YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Mario: Gandalf want's his line back cunt! Lets go team!

Mario: Hey guys... Do I really have glass all over my face?

Koops: Yeah! Liek wowzers! Your really bleeding alot!

Flurrie: Yeah... Let me lick the blood and glass off of you sweaty.

Flurrie licked all off the blood and glass off of Mario like a weird hybrid of a vampire and the Grinch played by Jim Carrey.

Mario: Thank you Flurrie.

Goombella: Yeah Koops and Flurrie, you guys should tell Mario that we should buy the old bitch another tobacco pipe from Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop. They must have some shit for that.

Mario: Really? Are you even still pissed at me? Or are you just trying to see how long you can go without talking to me. But anyway... were not doing that! Instead, we're just gonna have to beat that old hag to deth when I sober up.

Goombella: …

Goombella ran off into the item shop without the rest of the team.

Mario: HEY! NO! GUYS! GET HER!

[Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop]

Cheech T (Age 31): Hey there! Welcome to Toad's Bizarre-

Goombella: Yeah yeah... Do you guys sell any tobacco pipes?

Chong T (Age 39): Welcome! Yes, welcome to Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop!

Cheech T: Chong! It was my turn to talk to the cute girl!

Goombella: Tobacco Pipes! Do you sell them or not!?

Chong T: Eh? What's that? You want a glass tobacco pipe you say? Liek, Whoa Man!

Goombella: YES! YES I WANT A GOD DAMN PIPE YOU STUPID STONED RETAAAARDS!

Chong T: Whoa... Hold on 1 second man! I mean... woman!

Mario smashed the door like a stampede of bulls in 1 swing.

Flurrie: Mmm... What are you purchasing in here?

Mario: Goombella what are you doing buying a tobacco pipe for!? We're waiting for me to sober up so I can kill that old lady!

Chong T: Gee, fella, I'm sorry man... , but we actually ran out of stock for those 3 weeks ago! Well tough luck, dude. Well I guess I can special order 1 with the help of some shady gang members in the alley. We can actually get more of those REALLY SOON!

Mario: Goombella! Stop ignoring me and talk to me please! Don't buy this!

Koops: Why does it smell like bud in here?

Goombella: Sweet! Thank you! You want my contact number so you can let us know when you get it?

Mario: "contact number!?" MY GOD YOU'RE PRETENTIOUS!

Chong T: Later dudes! hehehe…

[Ghettoport]

Mario: What the fuck Goombella!? Partners aren't supposed to spend my money! Are you trying to crash the system!?

Koops: If that's the case, I feel like we would have cracked the system awhile ago...

Goombella: Well Koops and Flurrie! Looks like we have some time to do other shit for a while till we get that tobacco pipe. Or when she decides to go to sleep.

Mario: Or we can wait for her to die from a heart attack!

A random wigger rapper popped out of no where, and started rapping while pretending to hold a microphone by balling his fist for the dysfunctional team of tards.

M.C.A$$HAT: Yo sup my pack rats! Its M.C. A$$HAT! I'm rapping all the time, My rhyming is sublime. I don't need to need a bodyguard cause I like to party hard! I smoke weed at the skate park and I like to rhyme with shark!

Mario: Uhh... guys. Lets just ignore him. Maybe he'll go away.

Koops: I don't know man! I think it's kind of catchy! Yeah man, I can dig this!

Flurrie: Those mouth movements!

M.C.A$$HAT: I work at Chipotle cause my life is fo real! I like it when I give those hot girls a free meal! I like twerking cause it makes me feel real real good! I like twerking cause it give me real real wood!

Goombella: Ah jeez.

Koops: WoW! How do you do that!? Man! That's so cool!

Mario: GET LOST YOU RACIALLY CONFUSED PIECE OF SHIT!

As Team M was heading east for some reason, M. pulled 1 more trick up his sleeve.

M.C.A$$HAT: YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT MAH RAPS, WELL YOU KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP! GUESS WHAT I'LL KICK YOU ASS, WHILE I SMOKE ALOT OF GRASS! BAT CAT FAT RAT MC A$$HAT! SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING FORGOT THE WORDS TO MY SONG!

Mario marched back and punched him brutally in the stomach almost killing him. Fuck it. It DID kill him! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!1

Koops: My name is Koops and i'm here to say! I like to rap on everyday!

Mario: No Koops! Don't you start with that shit too!

Koops: Whateva man, dat wack.

Mario: You are quickly peeling away at any ounce of patience I still have in my bloodstream.

Luigi: A-HOY MARIO!

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! Not you again!

Flurrie: My! This man looks awfully like Mario in weird ways. Do you 2 perform sex 3 somes with other people?

Mario: NO!

Luigi: YES!

Mario: No! No we didn't Luigi!

Luigi: Come on... Don't lie. You know we do! Remember how I tried to stick my dick in that 1 hooker but accidentally poked you in the asshole for a little while.

Mario: I was really hoping you wouldn't bring that up!

Blooey (Age 23): It's true! He told me all about it!

Mario: Luigi... Why the hell does that blooper look like a fucking dick shaped cookie with semen stains on it!?

Luigi: This is my buddy I met on my most recent adventure. I was playing Ookie Cookie with a couple of random strangers I just met in a dark alley and I was the last 1 to cum on it. So I decided "Like he'll I'm eating the fucking semen stained cookie!" I mean, it's not that I dislike the taste of semen, Its because I didn't wanna accept last place! You've seen me in Mario Kart! It drives me crazy finishing last! So basically, I wound up rescuing this squid and since I did, the semen entered his body and brought him to life! Like how Pinocchio was brought to life.

Flurrie: Thats hot.

Goombella: That's not how it works stupid.

Koops: Datz Mezzdup G!

Luigi: Anyway, wanna hear my new story folks!?

Mario: No!

Blooey: I don't blame you sir. He lies... you see... What really happened was-

Luigi: EHHEM! IM TELLING THE STORY YOU STUPID JEW!

Mario: God Damnit!

Luigi: So basically, I went to Rumblebutt Volcane and I actually found the 1st compass piece. I would show you it, but it explodes in front of any1 exposed who you're related to like siblings and shit. All kinds of cool ass shit happened in that shit. We did all kinds of dangerous drugs before we passed out on eachother. It makes my nuts hard just thinking about it! Long story short, I landed my ship made out of the corpses of 300 squirrels on the poontang continent where I made my way towards a fucking volcano. I had to spend a couple days fording through the jungle by finding brief shelter and anything I can eat, fuck or eat while I fuck! Thanks to the show Naked and Afraid, I'm pretty crazy good when it comes to survival and sexual needs. Which I also need to survive otherwise I go completely insane! Anyway, scary beasts kept almost mauling my organs, I thought I was ded on countless occasions. So I just showed them my butt so they wouldn't harm me. I was hesitant about doing this since I learned from Naked and Afraid that that's how large animals spare your life. Instead, they just molested me! THEY FRIKKEN molested me! My butt has all these tares and scars from the insane wild animal sex. They literally made me squeal like a fucking piggy! I need to check for rabies. So Blooey got back at those inbred animal and squirted all over his face as a symbol of "fuck you, you fucking mother fucker!" He's a real fucking mad squid! And he's even angrier in the sack when I perform tentacle porn with a fucking cookie. He even gave a name for my dick; "White Torpedo!" He really rumbled my butt as his tentacles had a volcanic eruption inside me! With his hot and bubbly cum! Speaking of penis shaped volcanoes, those pools were bubbling burning red semen like crazy! This place was designed with all kinds of evil traps made to penetrate me in various way. Including skull fucking! The scariest looking trap was this gigantic 100 - foot - tall Roman dick statue that either would have squashed or raped me to deth! Luckily, this dick statue had a weakness! A red glowing tumor on 1 of the balls of the statue! So I had the realization that I can duck, but not far enough. So I decided that Blooey would be the hero since his squishy semeny cookie like powers would do the trick! So I slid him through with my Luigi cock like a hockey puck under the shaft and BULLS-EYE! His ass saved the day! That tumor got so irritated that I shattered the balls which was the engine force of the shaft. So it just shattered before it could maniacally rape me! So 1ce we defeated that thing, it was pretty easy to take a stroll to the hidden room every volcano has! Courage the Cowardly Dog taught me that in an episode! We were able to find the 1st compass piece, but Princess Ebola was in another castle or some shit like that! Since I placed it on the base of the compass, it started pointing west to Placentabelly Village on the Stretch Marks Cuntinent! And so I pulled my magical boat made from the finest squirrel corpses and onward I went! Well actually, I just came back here to Ghettoport to recharge my batteries! Luckily I had A SHIT TON OF CRACK ON ME while I was having this experience!

Blooey: Whoa whoa whoa! That's why I was telling these guys not to believe you! That "White Torpedo" name is for my dick! MY DICK!

Luigi: YOUR NOT EVEN WHITE STUPID!

Blooey: Neither are you stupid! Humans are more sand colored if anything!

Luigi: Well whatever! Fuck you! Wait... Guys! Did you guys like the story?

Mario and the rest of Team just woke up while having fallen asleep in mid story yet again.

Mario: Oh! What was that? I feel asleep again.

Luigi: Well, what did yoou guys think of my story?

Goombella: It actually sounded even more made up than the last shitty story!

Koops: I just kind of slipped right through all that mentally yo! No hard feelinz!

Flurrie: As much as I love stories made out of dick, but as a professional porn actress, I know bad story development when I smell it!

Luigi: Hmm... Mario! You usually give the best feedback! What do you think exactly?

Mario: Well Luigi! The story sucks, the scenes suck, the levels suck, I have no idea whats going on, your breath smells like black hobo cock, and you should kill yourself! Lets go retards!

Mario and his even stranger team than Luigi's left them hanging in the middle of the town.

Luigi: Thanks for the critiques bro!

Mario: Fuck off chode!

Koops: So Mario! What now!? Whatcha wanna do now in da town?

Mario: *Sigh* Don't tell me you're still trying to rap...

Flurrie: Look over there! Its a door with 1 of those shine sprite things! Maybe it works like a cash for gold thing so we can all buy some ecstacy!

Mario: I maybe drunk, but that's retarded! Lets go in there anyway!

Koops: Thats fly, I don't lie!

Mario poked Koops in the lazy eye.

Koops: OW! DONT HAVE A COW!

[Merlon's House]

As usual, Mario enforced his trademark entrance by hammering through the door. A short wizzard about Mario's height with a blue robe and strange giant white mustache that looks like he might be competing in The Ultimate Beard. An actual non made up show on Spike TV. Wait, What the hell am I talking about?

Merlon (Age 502) Welcome…. TO THE HOME OF MERLOOOOON! the super-magician!

Mario: Oh great its a fucking larper.

Merlon: I am no larper since I foresaw your arrivals!

Koops: Damn, datz cray cray!

Goombella: So wait, what do you do exactly?

Merlon: Well you see, I'm just a magical wizzzard that lives with my ancient mom who's asleep right now. Don't yell too loud or anything. I will seriously lose my shit if she wakes up and yells at me again. I told her I wouldn't get a fucking job! So I just stay here and gnaw away at my own life. Basically, I just stand around here all day using my psychicness to predict that 1 day, I would have some krazy kalling for my life! And that prediction is to 1 day power up a fat drunk leader's team of strange partners.

All the Partners: Say what?

Merlon: With just 3 shine sprites each, I can upgrade any of your partners by almost doubling or even tripling your power level based on your hidden potential.

Goombella: So you're like the Guru Namekian from Dragon Ba-

Mario: Yeah yeah! We get it! Well... Assuming you're not on bullshit currently, I've collected 8 Shine Sprites! The readers only knew of 1 in Hooktails castle.

Flurrie: What do you mean sexy?

Mario: I mean, every time the narrator says "A few obstacles later," or some shit like that, we usually collect 1 or 2 of those things unnarrated. I guess this is a better investment than pawning them for crack since these partners are weak as fuck compared to me. So how much will 8 Shine Sprites occupy?

Merlon: I don't know, like 2?

Mario: That works?

Goombella: Wait, so some1 tell Mario which 2 should level up.

Mario: mmmm... How about Goombella and Koops.

Koops: I got a worry! What about Flurrie?

Mario: Fuck Flurrie! You guys have been around much longer, plus Flurrie is already the strongest now. Plus no 1 even likes her anyway!

Flurrie: Aww... you're really turning me on Mario.

Mario: Get away from me!

Mario shoved Flurrie away from him on impulse!

Mario handed Merlon 6 Shine Sprite in hopes that this will work.

Mario: If this is some fucking rip off, I'm feeding your ass to Flurrie!

Flurrie: Thats right!

Merlon: Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiakitnatahu!

Thats actually not gibberish. Its the name of some hill from New Zealand.

The walls started falling apart and animating into some trippy wizard outer space looking background where everything started spinning all majically! Team M started panicking.

Mario: AAHHH! GET ME OUT OF HERE! THESE SPECIAL EFFECT LOOKS SO FUCKING FAKE!

1ce the process ended, the room animated itself back into its original form!

Koops: Dayamn mother fucker! My power feelz all strong! Fo rizzle!

Goombella: Wow! That actually did work! I can't wait to see them statistically in [BATTLE MODE]! I'm finally not the weakest 1 on the team! Some1 tell Mario I said thank you!

Mario stared at Goombella with more condescendingness than you can possibly believe.

Mario: Really? You're taking your grudge with me that far?

Goombella: ... So Merlon! What are you gonna do with all those shrine sprites!?

Merlon: I like to gaze at them into the night and think about my ded dad! It really gets me excited! Welp. Till you collect more shine sprites, take care!

Mario: Okay...

Team M left the building awkwardly and proceeded onto a little more of what the town has to offer.

[Ghettoport]

Mario: So Goombella, have those stoners contacted you yet?

Goombella: Some1 tell Mario I said no, not yet. I feel like maybe they will soon.

Mario: You're not very good at trying not to talk to me are you?

Koops: Ay Mario! You don't seem drunk no moe!? What up wit dat in da hat?

Mario: 1. I'm always drunk. 2. Shut up!

They walked east where they ran into the toll man Gus 1ce again.

Mario: Speaking of me being drunk, HEY LOOK! ITS THAT UGLY TOLL BOOTH FUCK FACE!

Gus: Oh hell naw. Not you again! Thats it! You lookin' for a deth wish motha fukah!?

Gus grabbed his spear and held it up to Mario's face.

Flurrie: This is getting exciting!

Mario: Ha! Big talk for a NIGGER FETUS that doesn't know who the hell he's up against!

Gus: You listen here bitch! Say that again! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHA FUCKA!

Koops: Damn yo! Your Samuel Jackson raps are totally flah G!

Gus: Is... is that nigga trying to act black?

Mario: Yeah. He saw a random lame street rapper, and now he won't stop trying to talk like him.

Gus: Oh you mean M.C.A$$HAT? Sheeeit. I almost stabbed that nigga in the throat his ass was annoying.

Mario: Hey shut up. You're still a nigger fetus.

Gus: OH THATS IT NIGGA! I'M KILLING YOU RIGHT HERE! NO MORE MOLOGINS!

Mario performed a mighty stance in front of Gus.

Mario: Yeah right! As if a stupid fucking nigger fetus could learn golf!

Gus: Thats it! Prepare to die turkay!

Mario: I don't think Nigger fetuses can bowl either.

Goombella: CAN WE JUST STOP THIS SHIT WITH A FUCKING [BATTLE MODE] ALREADY!?

Gus: Yeei... Lets settle dis shit right now nigga.

Mario: Its about fucking time! Alright Team! Time to finally abort this nigger fetus in a dark alley! Literally!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 63

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Power Level still 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Gus: Power Level 50

Battle Music: Party Up by DMX

[TURN 1]

Mario: Normally I would say you look like a Nigger Fetus, but clearly you are 1! So HA!

Gus: FUCK THAT SHIT!

Goombella uses Tattle: Some1 Tell Mario that this is Gus. He's a super-annoying tollway guy with a big pointy spear he tends to throw at people. No sex or race joke intended... like Mario, many people actually think he's just full of shit when he talks, but he really is tough. I mean look at his power level!

Mario: Did you just try ignoring me in your fucking tattle? Whatever.

Mario started the battle off with a Power Jump. Little did he know, Gus' spear was raised in a way where he could counter Mario's attack and splitting his taint kind of: [-3 Damage]

Mario: OWW SHIT!

Gus: You like that bitch!? Well guess what!? I got more big black spear for your ass than you can handle!

Gus threw his big mighty spear at Mario making him take a spear to the knee: [3 Damage]

Mario: FUCKING SHIT THAT HURT! I WILL ASSASSINATE YOU!

[TURN 2]

Goombella skipped her turn to be a dick to Mario.

Mario uses Power Smash on Gus throwing him off a little: [4 Damage]

Mario: You like that nigger fetus!?

Gus: I WILL END YOU WOP!

A bunch of dirty filthy poor urbanites of Ghettoport crawled out of no where and watched the fight as they rooted for Mario and his NON racist remarks.

Gus threw another spear at Mario: [3 Damage]

Mario: YOU REALLY ARE A SPEAR CHUCKING NIGGER FETUS AREN'T YOU!?

Gus: IF I HAD A GUN I'D SHOOT YOU AND PUT AN END TO ALL THIS!

[TURN 3]

Mario noticed that Gus raised down his spear and noticed a perfect opportunity to re:attempt another Power Jump and did so: [6 Damage]

Mario: Hahaha! Your half way done you fucking nigger fetus! What are you gonna do about it now nigger fetus!? Huh!? What Nigger Fetus!

Mario mooned Gus so he can fart at him like in that 1 scene from Super Mario Kun. What? None of you ever read those!? Yeah... me neither.

Mario then performed an annoying drunk chant at gus to taunt him while shaking his butt at him.

Mario: NIGGER FETUS! NIGGER FETUS! NIGGER FETUS! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH A NIGGER FETUS!? NIGGER FETUS! NIGGER FETUS! NIGGER FETUS!

Goombella was trying her absolute hardest not to snap at Mario's racist song. But she was slowly starting to snap.

Gus: YOU WILL DIE WHEN IT'S MY TURN CRACKA!

Mario: HEY! WHY DID THE NIGGER FETUS CROSS THE ROAD!? HE DIDN'T CAUSE NIGGER FETUSES ARE TOO UGLY TO! HOW MANY NIGGER FETUSES DOES IT TAKE TO PAINT A HOUSE!? IT DEPENDS HOW HARD YOU THROW THEM! WHY DO YOU PUT NIGGER FETUSES IN A BLENDER FEET 1ST!? SO YOU CAN SEE THE LOOKS ON THEIR UGLY FACES! WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A NIGGER FETUS AND AN ONION!?

Shrek (Age 33): What Mario!?

Mario: I DON'T CRY WHEN I CUT UP A NIGGER FETUS!

Every1 in the background including Shrek start rolling on the floor laughing and pissing themselves at Mario's immature ded baby jokes. Suddenly, a loud yell shrieked

Goombella: MARIO!

Goombella: SHUT!

Goombella: THE!

Goombella: FUCK!

Goombella: UP!

Every1 paused

Mario: FINALLY!

Goombella: I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU STUPID FUCKING ANNOYING SHIT! YOU ARE THE MOST INSUFFERABLE HUMAN BEING THAT SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIMSELF A LONG TIME AGO! IF YOU HAD TO PUT UP FOR YOURSELF FOR EVEN 5 MINUTES, I BET YOU WOULD WIND UP IN A PSYCH WARD FROM HOW INSUFFERABLE YOU ARE!

Goombella angrily multi bonked Gus by stomping on him while complaining about Mario: [10 DAMNidge]

Goombella: WITH YOU RAPING! AND YOUR SPIDER COSTUMES! AND YOUR LOUDNESS! AND YOUR DRUNKENNESS! AND YOUR GETTING ON THE ROOFSHIT! AND YOUR WHINING! AND YOUR SATIRICAL SARCASM! AND YOUR ASSHOLE BEHAVIOUR! AND YOUR FIGHTS WITH RANDOM PEOPLE! AND YOU SMASHING DOWN DOORS! AND YOUR MURDER-FUCKING! AND YOUR RACISM! AND YOUR "YOU LOOK LIKE A" BULLCRAP! WELL GUESS WHAT!? YOU LOOK LIKE A FAT DRUNK PIECE OF SHIT MARIO! YOU LOOK LIKE A LOSER! YOU ARE A LOSER MARIO! YOU ARE A FUCKING-!

Mario: Holy shit Goombella!

Goombella: What!?

Mario: YOU JUST KILLED THE NIGGER FETUS!

Goombella noticed her feet were covered in blood, and guts, and more of what used to be Gus' head.

[END OF BATTLE]

Goombella: ...What?

Mario: 3 CHEERS FOR GOOMBELLA THE NIGGER FETUS SLAYER!

Goombella: WHAT!? NO! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!

Flurrie: It was the ever most exciting I do say!

The crowd was cheering knowing that they will never have to put up with Mr. Gus' tollway crap! Nor will any1! Ever Again!

They all started lifting up and praising Goombella for her unintentional supposed good deed.

Every1 else: GOOMBELLA THE NIGGER FETUS SLAYER! GOOMBELLA THE NIGGER FETUS SLAYER! GOOMBELLA THE NIGGER FETUS SLAYER!

Goombella: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Later after that exceedingly retarded scene...

Koops: Yo! Goombella! That shit was dope back there! It's like you didn't even care!

Goombella: I still can't believe I killed that Gus guy.

Mario: You'll get used to it. That guy was a fucking nigger fetus after all!

Goombella: WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT RACIST SHIT!? I feel bad enough as it is for killing him and breaking my silent treatment with you.

Mario: Racist? 1st of all. You completely brush it off when any1 ever calls me WOP which is an Italian slur by the way! And Honestly, the word "Nigger" alone without any meaning just sounds like a funny word to me and when you add "Fetus" to it, it's fucking hilarious! I don't even picture black people in my head when I say it most of the time. To me, it's just some goofy silly word or whatever.

Goombella: Then why were you directing that name to a black person?

Mario: I partially forgot he was black. I saw that he had brown skin, but after awhile, I just thought he was just some kind of weird cartoony Loony Tunes looking character that gets offended at black jokes so it became a force of habit.

Goombella: Welp, you also called him "spear chucker" at 1 point.

Mario: Because he was literally holding a spear in his hand. AND throwing 1 at me to be frank with you! Look, most people tend to visually notice skin colors with their eye balls. Noticing race hasn't alway been the case culturally, but lets be honest, most people of every race nowadays does notice race. However, race makes no difference to me personally. I'll fight any1 cause people piss me off no manner what cause every1 to me is just shit. I will say what I can to piss any1 off back, even if I don't believe in what i'm saying. I called what'shisfuck a nigger fetus because it sounds funny as a word, and a weak spot I used to fuck with him. I just fucking hate tollway people with a passion. They're a stupid authority that place a monopoly on the rest of society and I think they should all suffer the same. It's 1 thing when people are just doing it to support themselves I get that, but when a person on their own is self employed and will make money off of where people can walk is some scummy bullshit right there. Even to my standards. It pisses me off!

Goombella: Well… I hate admitting this, but I guess I can actually kind of see where you're coming from a little bit. Don't get me wrong. I don't condone stereotyping and there still is alot of serious oppression and racism that still factors as a real issue facing today, like Princess Peach bringing dedly drugs to kill off black people is really fucked up. So it's hard to not see things like that as a little insensitive to me to be completely honest. Especially the way you go about it. And you kind of seem like you're trying to be preachy and rationalize your racist thoughts too. But I guess your view on it isn't as bad as I thought.. You're just a depressed violent sociopath who's only slightly racist. You've made that abundantly clear this entire story.

Mario: I hate people on an individual bases. Not by a stupid demographic that shouldn't even apply to every1 by the end of the day. You of all people need to learn how to take what I say with a grain of salt. I'm not trying to be any1's fucking role model. Why do you think Nintendo edit's down my real game stories to be kid friendly? But more to my point, I might not be in a position to say this, but I also just wish every1 can get over racial tension too. It sounds ironic I know, but racist jokes or any kind of offensive jokes may actually end of reducing the stigma of social tensions. You shouldn't insult people with racist remarks like what I do of course, but just telling jokes that use racist remarks to make fun of racism should only offend actually racist people. Have a laugh 1ce in awhile. Your laughing cause racist jokes are supposed to be stupid and fucked up. Not because you agree with the points when they're clearly designed to sound fucking stupid. In fact, I think it's the people who complain and are still trying to make every little thing sound racist are the 1s that are passively racist and are making us go backwards in time by pressing so much unnecessary bullshit on the topic. I mean, you have to consider that racism is still slowly dying down and it will continue to do so as time goes on. Civil Oppression in the 60's was almost 40 years ago! Let's just keep raising that number of years and move on so we can all be viewed more as individuals already!

Goombella: Ehh… Yeah... I'll just drop the silent treatment for now. Its better for my patience anyway.

Koops: Whoa what was all that? I wasn't listening.

Goombella: Lets just go see if that item shop has the pipe thing we were looking for.

Koops: Yeah.

[Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop]

They all walked back to Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop.

Cheech T.: Oh hey! Your back!

Chong T.: Who are you again?

Goombella: Hi. Did you guys get that shipment of tobacco pipes like you promised?

Chong T.: Uhh... Yeah man! We got a whole bunch of them man!

Goombella: Wait, so how long ago did you get them?

Cheech T.: We….. kind of had them the whole time?

Koops: Yo! Why didn't you tell us then G?

Chong T: *snickers* we kind of forgot we had them man!

Every1 else: ...

Cheech T: You guys look mad.

[Ghettoport]

Later after Mario and his team compulsively brutally murdered the 2 toked out toads in walls coated in blood and gore, they finally bought- no... Took 1 of their pipes and pretended like none of that ever happened.

Zess T. was still actually standing blocking the west side path intending to not only block Mario's path, but every1 elses. Wow like, what I bitch.

Zess T.: Oh hey there Mr. Drunky pants! Did you get me a new tobacco pipe?

Mario: Yes... here, just take it so we can move on with our journey!

Zess T.: Oh sweet jesus! Thank you stupid! Finally, I can consume tobacco without purchasing over priced cigarettes!

Zess T.: See! That wasn't so hard now was it? Maybe I'll cook you something if you're interested. In the mean time, you shall pass!

Flurrie: Thank you so much you sexy maiden you.

Goombella: Yes finally!

Koops: Fo rizzle!

Mario: ... You taunting bitch... IM GONNA KILL YOU!

Mario attempted to strangle Zess T. and his team yet again had to try and pull him off of her.

Goombella: MARIO! STOP IT! WE GOT WHAT WE WANTED!

Mario: I JUST CAN'T STAND FUCKING TOLLWAY PEOPLE!

Zess T.: Get away from me you psychopath!

Mario: FUCK YOU CUNT SNAKE!

Koops: Yo! jus drop dat shit! Izz coo G!

Mario: STOP TALKING BLACK!1

Goombella: Sorry about that miss... Mario's not very good with people who block paths.

Zess T.: Well part of it's your fault by letting him get away with this you skank!

Goombella: ... Yeah,, fuck you cunt snake!

Mario: Yeah! In the mean time... Enjoy the rest of your menopause bitch!

Mario and his lame ass company of companions quickly ran off while Zess T shook her fist at them hopelessly.

Chapture 4 - 7: Wesside Story!

[West Ghettoport]

Finally after reading this for 4 fucking stupid chaptures, you finally reached the part where I talk about the west side of Ghettoport. For those of you who have never played Paper Mario TTYD, you are probably thinking this is the worst most grimiest part of the ghetto. Guess what? You're wrong! Its actually, the BEST, most WEALTHY, most HIGH CLASS part of this shitty town. Thank the Hawaiian mafia of course. I mean, they emphesize this by growing fucking flowers all over the place like some fucking garden! And weed... Maybe.

Mario: Holy fuck! A part of the town that doesn't smell like rotting fecal garbage! The fuck is this sorcery!?

Flurrie: It's a kind of place I would most partake in sinful foreplay in indeed!

Goombella: It's not that great. I mean, yeah I don't have to worry as much about touching shit as much, but still. I don't see why any1 would ever wanna live here.

Mario: Please don't change your major to anthropological studies.

Koops: I don't know yo! I think this place is pretty shoe!

Goombella: Is that even a thing that rappers say?

Mario: No. No its not. He sucks and is in need for a lobotomy check with my fist.

Koops: What eves shoty.

Mario: Lets go get some drugs. Its the only way I can tolerate you right now.

The bizarre team wound up going to a drug shop called "Westside Goods" I actually didn't butcher the name of the shop this time since that name already does sound like a goofy drug store in the game.

Inside the store, a green naked boo wearing degrading playboy bunny ears cashiered this team of fucktards.

[Westside Goods]

Boozy (Age 18): Hey there... Welcome to Westside Goods where you can get some Westside Goods! Sorry... I have to say that... what would you like?

Mario: Yeah! Get me a... hmmm... I'm feeling a little exotic right now. What are the 2 items you sell that nobody stupid enough would ever buy…? I KNOW! I'll take a Dried Shroom and a Dizzy Dial!

Goombella: What? Why!? Those are like, totally the 2 worst items in the game! Why would you buy those!?

Mario: I'm doing it ironically!

Goombella: But that just makes your reasoning for buying those items even more retarded!

Koops: Yo! Speaking of shrooms, remember when you were tripping on them while you was stoned!? You spent that whole night running into da wall. Man we didn't know what youz was tryin to do G!

Mario: You're really bringing that up now of all awkward times? Whatever. Just get me a dried shroom and a dizzy dial.

Boozy: Wait hold on a second. No 1 ever buys those items ever! Hmmm... I have to ask you a few questions.

Koops: ARE THEY RELATED TO DAT HAWAIIAN MAFI-

Boozy: KEEP QUIET! Are you trying to get shot? Okey... anyway... To my questions to the Mario looking person... What color is your mustache?

Flurrie: Dark Brown…. most sexy of colors.

Mario: What kind of stupid fucking question is that!? I should sue you for asking me such a retarded question like that you slimy hoebag!

Mario took off his glove and smacked her in the face with it.

Boozy: OW! Okay... Sorry. The strip club kept me up late last night...

Mario: What the hell do you have to strip off? Your a fucking boo! You have on bunny ear, sure. But still!

Boozy: Okay okay! I remember now... What is every1's least favorite color?

Flurrie: BLUE!

Mario: No. It's Yellow. I have never met 1 person who actually likes that piss poor color. I will pick brown or grey before I pick fucking yellow.

Koops: Hey! Datz mah favorite color G! And da color of dem coinz!

Mario: Well you don't count cause you have shitty taste.

Koops: Aww damn...

Boozy: Wow... Correct actually. You guessed the right password. Well I guess that checks out.

Mario: Stop rephrasing yourself and get to the point whore!

Boozy: Oh heh... Sorry. So to my point, you must be in touch with the Don of the Hawaiian Mafia right?

Goombella: Oh shit seriously!? Wow. Our answers were solely guessed by chance.

Mario: Well yeah! I'm fuckin Mario! Remember? Lucky shit happens to me all the time!

Boozy hovered over and opened the door heading upstairs to the Don's office.

Boozy: And please don't make any Godfather jokes. He will probably shoot you on sight the moment you even slightly referance it.

Mario: Uuhhh... Koops, you've never seen the Godfather before have you?

Koops: Uhhh… What's dat in da hat?

Mario: Okay good. We should be safe then.

Mario and his bombastic team walked up the stairs through some back alley ghetto shit, and into the Office of Don Pianta himself!

Koops: Wowwii! Were actually gon' meet some real gangsters up in da hood!

Mario: You... really shouldn't do any talking while you're on this rap kick around these guys. And in general. Just…. just stop talking. Please.

Flurrie: He's right Koops.

Koops: Aww shucky shucks...

As usual, Mario slammed the door with the might of his mighty hammer of being an asshole, the Hawaiian Mafia rose up and pulled out their guns.

[The Don's office]

The Don and the rest of his henchmen are a gang of 1950s styled Godfather seeming gangsters in white suits and glasses. They wore green hula skirts that Hawaiians stereotypically wear while wearing sunglasses. Well just look up "Pianta" if you haven't played Super Mario Sunshine. Its not hard. While the henchmen were the color Yellow, the Don happens to be Orange skinned and black suited with an Italian mobster like mustache and black Gurren Lagann looking sunglasses.

Don Pianta (Age 52): Looky here... Looks like we got a couple of wise guys who like to busts down da doors like some kind of barbaric lumberjacks... Hmm... If you got a beef with us, my men will gladly grind your bones and flesh into some angel hair pasta and have a couple of our pit bulls eat it and we'll burn them alive with your flesh inside of em. How does that sound eh?

Goombella: Mario!? Why the HELL would you knock down the door!? Don't you remember who we're dealing with!?

Mario: Yes. The Hawaiian fucking mafia. Do I look scared? Speaking of being so hawaiian? Why are you cucks sounding more Italian than anything else?

Kamehameha (Age 36): It's a lifestyle of choice bubbah! We da Hawaiian Mafia.

Bacon (Age 42): Ye. You got da problem with that, we can put da screws to yuh, yuh boneheads.

Goombella: Oh my god... We are so ded. We are so fucking ded.

Mario: What? You guys just look like a bunch of fucking retarded double knock offs. I grew up watching this bullshit mobster shit and I must say, this is sort of embarrassing.

Goombella: Mario! Stop insulting them. They have guns!

Mario: And I have a foot. And they have asses. So what's your point?

Don Pianta: Mmmmm... Ex-CUSE me!? You think dat shit is supposed to be funny? Are you tryin to be some kind of stand up comedy man!? HAHAHA! You tryin to make me laugh so hard, I pee myself? Or are you boys tryin' to give me a heart attack with my already enlarged heroin heart!? No. You scum kid! Who the hell do you think we are!? I'm Don Pianta! I make the U.S. Marine Corps weep! I mean, just give me a reason why I shouldn't have my boys shoot you here right in my office!?

Koops was distracted as he was looking up hentai of The Cleveland Show on his phone.

Flurrie: Oh.. this is getting so exciting...

Goombella started to shiver for her life knowing she can't run out the door or else shed get shot.

Mario: Because. I know the password. If you kill me, I'll just turn into a ghost and tell every1 so even the most illiterate most dysfunctional hobos can enter your office.

Bacon: Ay! I think this guys tryin to put the screws on us!

Kamehameha: Ya! Juss say da word boss and I'll shoot deez bozos!

Don Pianta: Hmmm... Know what? Call me crazy, but I think I actually like dis bozo and his crew.

Koops was then distracted by posting shitty self made rap quotes on Fuckbook thinking that his very few friends will like it.

Kamehameha: Whatchu say boss?

Bacon: Ye? Why a change of heart all the sudden?

Don Pianta: I'm a Don of a mafia gang. I'm supposed to enforce intense thrilling ironic scenes that don't make a lick of sense. You know,... building intense character. So I seem like the best acter of this movie. Its continuity.

Flurrie: This is making both holes of the mine extra wet!

Kamehameha: I think thats actually the exact opposite of continuity.

Don Pianta: Alright Alright! We get it wise ass! You mad cause you aint' Da Don! NOW CRAM A DOUGHNUT IN IT AND SHUT UP!

Don Pianta: Anyway... so tell me overalls, What brings you into my office actin all nuts and stuff?

Goombella: Well you see. Professor Frankly was saying you have connections to the Ghettoport blimp. We need it to go to Glitzville. We need the dedly star from there so we can open the ancient door under here to collect some treasure.

Mario: GOOMBELLA! Do NOT tell mobsters our plan! That is 1 of the worst things you can ever possibly do!

Koops started doing made up gang hand gestures for Mario to emphasize his words in an even more cringing way.

Goombella: WHAT!? Oh shit! What have I done! I'M SORRY! I FUCKED UP!

Don Pianta: Nah. We not really interested. It does sounds like a good haist though so I'll give yuh credit der.

Goombella: Well it's not really a heist. I'm just doing this for my summer school project at college for a scholarship.

Mario: And I'm trying to have sex with that Princess Peach bitch. Wait... If i'm trying to save the princess, then why didn't I just ask Robotnik who I clearly knew was part of the crew that clearly had Peach hostage where she is last chapture. I could have forced him to tell us so we'd find out. Then we wouldn't need to find the rest of the 7 stars. Or am I supposed to find the stars so I won't get executed? What the fuck is the main plot of this story again? Man. What the fuck did I get myself into..

Don Pianta: Well... whatever demented sugiation yuhz gotchoselves intoz, I don't care bout none of dat. Imma be honest witcchu, I can't help but like a guy who just so happens to be the main character of a story. I mean, If you died, we'd all cease to exist.

Mario: Okay. Now you're starting to over do the 4th wall jokes. Stop it.

Don Pianta: I'll tell you what though... I'll let you in on a little favor of mine. Do this, and I'll let you have 4 of our blimp tickets.

Flurrie: Mmmmm... I sure love the sound of where this is going…

Flurrie started to hover towards the Don with her lips puckered thinking she was in 1 of her pornos. The mafia men on instinct pointed their guns at Flurrie.

Kamehameha: HANDS OFF DA DON OR WE'LL SHOOT YOU YUH SICK BEAST!

Flurrie: Suit yourselves gentlemen...

Goombella: So uuhh... what... do you want from us?

Don Pianta: Well no need to fret. Just a minor task... You see... My gorgeous bbw shaped sexy daughter ran off with this scumbag assistant of mine. To put it lightly, I want you to assassinate him for me. Luckily, it hasn't been too long since they took off. I'm guessing they're still by da docks. You can't miss em! I mean, they're the only frikken other Piantas in this shitty town.

Koops: How you know yo!?

Don Pianta: Cause I might as well be this god forsaken town's mayor! Also, SHUT UP! You I don't like 1 bit.

Goombella: So hold on. You want us to assassinate 1 of your henchmen?

Don Pianta: Thats right. I had warned him not to try anything screwy with my daughter, that id have him sleeping with the Nibbleses if he did. It's bad enough I can't poke that, since she's my daughter and all, SO NO 1 WILL. And to put insult to injury, now he's runnin off with her to some kinda neverland ranch. I mean, fuck this guy right!? That's why I want him ded. Do da job for me, and you get da blimp tickets.

Mario: Sweet! I've always wanted to become a paid assassin! You got yourself a deal!

Bacon: Yo boss... You sure we can trust dis hazbin? I mean, he did break down your door after all.

Don Pianta: ZIP IT! Clearly, you chumptards are incapable of doing this task. So now I'm having these strangers do da job for us! You got any complaints about it, we take this matter outside.

Don Pianta: Anyway, if you have a hard time killing him and what not, let me take care of the matter personally. And if you don't, I can promise you ain't gon' like de results. Capeesh!?

Mario: Yeah sure I guess.

Mario: You know, i'm not gonnna get intimidated by fat Hawaiians that think they're Italian. But yes.

The 2 Pianta assistants held up their guns 1ce again.

Don Pianta: You got any more funny things to say comedy man? Cause I know how to deal with comedy men.

Mario: Alright alright whatever! Lets go team, before I call them out even more on their culturally confusing bullshit and get you guys killed.

Chapture 4 - 8: Dumbass Deeds Done Dick Deep

[Ghettoport Docks]

Mario and his gang of problem children have left the building on to do what that tacky lame AC/DC joke above what your reading is implying. They are now off to the docks. You know, the dock you haven't seen since chapture 1 - 3. Damn. Feels like a long time huh.

Koops: Ah yo Mario-O! That shit was shorty sho!

Mario: I... I don't think I can even understand what your saying anymore.

Goombella: Yeah Koops... I don't think you got this whole rap thing down at all...

Koops: I just need to step up mah game I gess! You'll see!

Mario: Please don't become a fucking wigger dude.

Koops: Haters gonna hate.

Flurrie: So Mario. How shall we plan to find this sexy daughter on the lamb?

Mario: Well you heard the cliche Don. Shes waiting for a boat by the docks. So we gotta go there, and hopefully NOT WASTE ANY MORE TIME BY DOING STUPID SHIT! Like seriously!? Why the fuck is it taking this long to get to the bulk of the chapture!? Seriously! This town is fucking depressing! I wanna get the hell out of here!

Flurrie: It think this town is beautiful with its garbage odor, and its buildings smeared with vile fecal matter for the urbanites to gaze upon. Its giving me vaginal discharge just thinking about it! Wohohohohoooo….

Mario: Alot of this shit isn't even added for the sake of a couple yucks! No! The actual game HAD to put you through this shit too!

Goombella: I heard that IAMMASTER had the hardest time with this pre Glitzville bullshit more than any other part of the original game when TTYD 1st came out. It took him DAYS to get past this mini arc.

Koops: Well at least dat last sub chapture passed by pretty quickly.

Mario: Don't even get me started on how this is chapture 4 - 8 and how we're still in fucking Ghettoport.

Goombella: Guys! Enough breaking the 4th wall! Look! I think that Pianta couple over there might be who we're looking for.

Koops: Oh shiznit! We already up on dos docks!

Mario and his 3 wierdo partners tried sneaking up behind the fat Pianta couple in a very creepy cartoony like way while they stared off into space waiting for a boat ride.

While they were sneaking around to kill the Don's daughter's fiance, Koops impulsively smacked the daughter's Pianta ass in an awkward gangster wannabe like-

Francesca (Age 31): GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU LOW LIFE CREEP!

Francesca grabbed Koops by his nostrils and swung him into the water where he got bit by a Nibbles like how Luigi did. Only he landed in front of them: [1 Damage]

Frankie (Age 36): What da hell is wrong with you, yuh sick perverted turtle!? I outta use your shell as a bowl for the soup that will be made out of your flesh!

Mario: Damnit Koops! You spoiled our plans to assassinate the daughter's boyfriends! You fucking retard!

Goombella: Why would you smack a girl's ass without consent!?

Koops: Ah shucks G! I'm just trying to play dat shit like a real G! Tappin ass and takin names and shit!

Frankie: Excuse me Italian looking grease ball... Did you just say you were planning on assassinating me? What's da deal witchu bubbah?

Francesca: Who's hiring you to do this!?

Koops: Dat Don up in town! He all like "Man! Fuck dat assistant motha fucka! Man! You guys should kill dat fool for running off and banging my daughter!" So he had us G-Units doing it!

Mario: Dude, why are making us and them sound black? They're fucking Hawaiians trying to be gangsters like Al Koopone, not like some Crips and Blood bullshit.

Francesca: WAIT JUST 1 MINUTE! So are you saying that daddy hired you 4 to kill my boyfriend!?

Flurrie: That's the idea sweety.

Francesca: Oh No! I was worried that something like this would happen if we tried pulling this stunt...

Frankie: Yeah. I knew the boss would be pretty steamed at me. Uhh… Maybe we should try talking this whole shindig out and maybe we can change his mind.

Francesca: But Frankie! What if you get killed?

Frankie: Hush my honey buns of high cholesterol. We can't keep running forever. Do you know what your father is capable of? If we don't resolve this now, we'll most likely have to constantly be on the lamb for the rest of our lives! And what kind of life is that? Your big fat caboose deserve more than that!

Mario: Aren't we still supposed to kill him?

Goombella: I... I don't know. I'm just confused

Francesca: But Frankie, don't you love me?

Frankie: Well of course I do Butter Muff. Whats all this your doing? Some kind of guilt trip?

Francesca: Well if you wanna keep this hot body of mine, you'll do what I say. Even if it means running away! Do it, or NO SEX!

Frankie: But sugar clitterus, anything but that!

Goombella: Wait, so does he like, actually love her? Or is he just trying to have sex with her?

Mario: I don't think many people can understand the difference these days.

Francesca: Liston Frankly! Sorry, wrong character... I mean... Frankie! The more you try to put out the flames of love, the hotter they burn! They will burn until they become 1 with the stars. Enfusing cosmically with the sun and soon, the solar system itself! Our love will be seen from the farthest edges of the universe! The multiverse even! Our love will create the second big bang creating a whole new spectrum of life! And love!

Frankie: I think your getting way too ahead of yourself Honey Bunches and Orgasms. Thats gotta be the lamest quote I have ever heard.

Francesca: So you don't love me then huh?

Frankie: No! I do love you my lard of love!

Francesca: Then run! Run away with me so we can be happy!

Frankie: Alright! Fine! Sheesh!

Mario: This is getting retarded fast.

Frankie: Ay you! Screw ball with the goofy mustache! You know all that stuff you saw out here at da docks?

Mario: Yeah?

Frankie: FOGEET ABOUDIT! Seriously. If you don't, the boss will find us and kill me.

Mario: Well you see, this whole mission we have planned is bigger then your life asshole!

Mario pulled out his hammer in a threatening posture.

Goombella: Mario, what are you doing?

Mario: I'm putting an end to this sappy generic love story at 1ce! This has been long retarded long ago!

Flurrie: But Mario! These people are in love! Don't you want them to create sexy galactic fireworks in space when they make love!?

Mario: I don't give I flying fuck! I just met them and I'm already sick of them! I'll even kill the fucking daughter if I have to!

Goombella: But this is getting a little extreme for a blimp ticket. Maybe we can try finding another way!?

Mario: Why? So the Don can go after us next? Either this 1 Italian wannabe asshole goes down, or all 4 of us do! Either way like the boyfriend said, the Don will find him too. The logical decision is to KILL HIM so we can ride a fucking blimp!

Koops: Ah man homeboy, I say let dem fizzle dem nizzles togeda cuzz love be all fo rizzle rizzle. You know what they say, wibble jibble nacky nack biddally boop-ti-boop right MariYO!?

Mario: ... ALRIGHT! FUCK IT! FINE! We were never here then.

Francesca: Oh thank you! Thank you so much kind sir for sparing us!

Mario: I hope you get royally cucked bitch!

And so, Team M decided to say "screw it" to killing off the fat mustached Pianta's daughter's fiance and walked back to the Don's office to figure out a plan.

Goombella: Oh god! Now that we're not killing that guy, what are we gonna do now?

Koops: Yei! Now the Don is gonna go after us and take his caps and put the blap blaps to us!

Mario: Well, if you morons listened to me and let me kill him in the 1st place, we wouldn't be in this situation.

Goombella: Shouldn't we just try to hide or maybe we can even fight off the Don's henchmen.

Mario: Yeah, but that doesn't mean will get the blimp tickets.

Goombella: Well what do you suppose we do then?

While they were walking, a random twerk team of 3 troubled black 17 year old girls were standing in a triangle twerking in the middle of the town where everybody can see them.

Koops: WHOA! TWERKING! CHECK DAT SHIT OUT!

Flurrie: Mmmmm... look at those mud flaps dance! Such a feast for Flurrie's eyes I do say!

Goombella: Are those girls TRYING to get raped!?

Koops ran towards the team of twerkers for reasons I hope do not actually happen.

Goombella: So like I was saying, what do you suppose we do?

Mario: Well its simple. We lie to the Hawaiian Mafia, tell them we killed his assistant. If they believe us, they'll hand up blimp tickets, if not, we'll just kick all of their asses like you said. Who knows. Maybe we will find the blimp tickets that way knowing us.

Koops started pulling out Monopoly money from when they were waiting for Flurrie to wake up last chapture. He waved it at the Twerk Team trying too hard to pretend to be a pimp. This actually made the girls kind of uncomfortable.

Goombella: Yeah, but they have guns...

Mario: Have you seen our power levels lately? For fuck sakes, I got drilled in the face by a fucking drilldo and I turned out fine. I lost a few teeth, but still. We always survive. We Are Team M after all.

Goombella: I guess all we can really do is trust that logic then.

Goombella: KOOPS! Stop bothering the twerk team! We got shit to do!

Koops: In a minute G-Bella!

Koops slapped 1 of their asses in the hied of the moment. In response. 1 of the other girls used her amazing twerking powers to smack Koops far away with 1 of her stretchy buttcheeks. He got slammed to the wall next to the challenged team.

Koops: Oww... I just... wanted... to be…. a pimp...

Goombella: Well... Just so you know you kind of deserved that.

[The Don's office]

A few minutes later, they reached the office in which the Hawaiian Mafia lies.

Don Pianta: Well well well.. Looky here who showed up. The man with the stereotypical Italian child molester mustache and his crew of nimrods! So tell me, how dit go? How was de blood splatter?

Kamehameha: Yei. Did you have to dig up da ded body?

Bacon: Yei! We wanna know how grimy it was!

Don Pianta: And you betta give us da details cause we know if youz was pullin da fibs on us.

Goombella: Well... uhhh... Oh gosh... we'll,,,, what happened wa-

Mario: Well you see! Being the clever bastard that I am, I found him on the docks, so I snuck behind him and grabbed the pinetree on his head, then I ducked his head underwater where his face would get bitten up the the Nibbleses! You know? Those chain chomp piranha fish people remember from the game. Next thing I knew when I pulled his head out of the water, he was basically just a blood fountain and he was dedder than 2Pac. So then I just fucked his esophagus hole right in front of your daughter while my partners forced her to watch. To put it bluntly, she got Murder-Cucked! So she ran off crying for her daddy, but 1st she said she was going to go to the bathroom and you know how long bitches take in the fucking bathroom doing their business right!? Basically, thats our story. So are you gonna give us the blimp tix or what?

Koops: Yei! Dats how dat sheeit happened! *Uses shitty gang hand gestures*

Don Pianta: Hmmm... It's hard to tell whether to buy you guyses story or not, so I guess I does. Alright boys! Get these bozos 4 blimp tickets! They did a job well done!

Goombella: Oh thank fuck!

Flurrie: Yes! Let a fine adventure continue!

Francesca: Daddy! Wait!

Frankie: Boss!

Francesca and Frankly... I mean Frankie barged through the door path that used to have a door.

Mario: NOOOOO! You fucks blew my cover! Its okay! I can just kill him right here!

Don Pianta: Mmmm... Oh hai Frankie... I see you regenerated your head after that drowning Mario pulled on you... Look at you... Standing with your head hung low and your penis behind your legs like some kind of broad with a mangina.

Francesca: Please daddy! I don't care what you do to Frankie Wankie! He deserves it all for bein' disloyal! But you gotta forgive me. Forgive your own daughter, Daddy! That's all I ask.

Koops: Maaann... She gets to call her dad daddy!? I've been jipped!

Frankie: No, boss! Don't hurt me! Shes the 1 who said we should elope. It was HER! But I said no! I said we should come back and talk to you, boss!

Francesca: No, Daddy! It's all on him. It's his responsibility! All the blame, right there.

Frankie: No, Boss! No! No! No! Shes da bad 1. It's her fault! If you're going to punish anyone, punish her!

Francesca: Hey fuck you! Stop trying to blame me asshole!

Frankie: You started it! You've been controlling this engagement since It started yuh harlett!

Francesca: Screw you!

Flurrie: Ahh... Love is in the air!

Don Pianta: AAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTTTTTTTTTT! ENOUGHS ENOUGH!

Don Pianta: Francesca, my ever so fuckable daughter. You used up your last favore on that back alley boob job to help you through junior high. As for you Frankie. You were my best right hand man. You were like a son to me. So you can see why I find you sleeping with my baby angel just plain wrong. No manner how much even I would like to plow my own daughter too, it's still incest. God would probably turn my mushroom into a poison shroom of I performed such an act of coitis on my own daughter.

Mario: Can I still kill him!? I'll even make it look funny!

Don Pianta: Nah! Forget about it. At this rate, I don't wanna ever see my daughter ever again neithers. I don't even care for her anymore. Having my assistant killed over keeping my daughter single is just pure retarded at this point.

Kamehameha: Gee boss... What'ya suppose we do?

Bacon: Ye. What da plumber looking gentlemen said, I still wanna kill some1.

Don Pianta: I said forget about it! I hate my daughter and her terrible choice in men! I don't ever wanna see their ridiculous fat faces ever again! Go! Go gets married and knockeds up. See if I care! Maybe you'll get syphilic like my hero Al Koopone! I mean, Frankie does have that disease after allz!

Mario: This Don guy is making this plot really confusing.

Goombella: Yeah. Talk about 1 whimsical Don.

Francesca: I love you Daddy!

Frankie: Thank you so much for sparing me Mom... I mean, Boss!

Frankie: I'll do what it takes to make your daughter very happy. When we get married, we'll spend our honeymoon in Isle Delfino! I will buy her the island if I have to. Even if I have to go through shameful acts of donkey porn to make her happy!

Don Pianta: I don't care! Just get the fuck out of my office! Da boths of yuhz!

Frankie: Yes boss!

Francesca: Thank you so much daddy!

Frankie grabbed the Don's cheeks and awkwardly kissed his lips.

Don Pianta: GET OUT! NOW!

The 2 Piantas ran off before Don Pianta grabbed 1 of his shoes and tried throwing it at his daughter but missed her.

Goombella: Wow... that was... uhh... yeah... wow.

Mario: Goombella, just look up the words "Fucking" and "Retarded." I think those are the words you're looking for.

Don Pianta: *Sigh* That was emotionally exhausting... Liston up yuh team of schmucks, even though none of you actually killed my assistant and normally in the mafia game, I'd have all of your asses on a platter with a side of your genitals grinded up into spaghetti and meatballs, but since I think were all long done with this painful soap opera. I'll just get you all dos blimp ticket already. I'm sure de people reading dis story are getting really impatient with this whole obstacle course youz been going throughz since chapture 4 - 5. You all need to go to fucking Glitzville already.

Mario: Eh... It's fine. They can always read ahead. Its not like a video game where they have to play through all the bullshit to get to places.

The fat Hawaiian Don looked around at his desk for the tickets, but couldn't seem to find them. Oh shit...

Don Pianta: Hey! Where'd da blimp tickets go!?

Koops: You mean deez tickets!?

Koops put on a pair of shades he stole from 1 of the henchmen and held up the 4 tickets in front of the Don like a wannabe O.G.

Don Pianta: AY!? How'd you get my tickets!?

Koops: I stole them while youz was chattin' with your daughter! Yei I slapped the stank off dat ass earlier nigga!

Mario Goombella and Flurrie: ...

Don Pianta: ...

Bacon and Kamehameha: ...

Koops continued to do pathetic ghetto gangsta wigger poses while having a big ass wigger grin...

Koops: Yo! So Mario was tellin me about dis Godfather movie! You heard of it?

Mario: ... KOOOOOOPS! YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME YOU STUPID FU-

Don Pianta: KILL THEM!

Kamehameha and Bacon pulled out their guns and started shooting at the painfully stupid team of M. Luckily, this is a cartoony fictional story. So that means the Mafia kept missing them giving them enough time to run out the door path with the tickets and no casualties.

Kamehameha: WE MISSED!

[The Blimp Deck]

Mario and his party ran off and reached the blimp deck unharmed whatsoever. Apparently the Hawaiian Mafia didn't feel like chasing them. I think the Don has some kind of bipolar disorder like issue where he changes his plans whether to kill people or not in last minute.

Koops: Yei! We did it! We sure showed their a$$es huh!?

Mario: ... Did you really have to do EVERY SINGLE THING YOU POSSIBLY COULD HAVE DONE WRONG AT 1CE!?

Goombella: Yeah seriously. He was gonna give us the blimp tickets you know.

Koops: We didn't know that fo sure G-Bella! What if he burned dem tix into a shizzle!?

Goombella: Do NOT call me G-Bella ever again bastard.

Mario: This rap phase of yours almost had us killed asshole. At this rate, you'd have to double your intelligence to even be severely retarded.

Flurrie: Even I may be a little more drier than normal from your buffoon like behavior.

Koops: Ah shiznit! It's all swag Flurr Flurr. Want me to start rapping to make y'all feel better?

Mario: JUST GIVE ME THE TICKETS!

Mario grabbed Koops' arm tightly and smacked him in the face. Then he grabbed the tickets out of his hands. Then he pushed him on the ground on his side.

Koops: DAMN! YOU JUMPED ME YO!

Then Mario drop kicked him on his side.

Mario: I'll do it again if you don't shut up!

Goombella: I'm... actually not mad at Mario for doing that this time.

The ticket guy for the blimp happened to be a Cheep Cheep with a degrading train ticket platform hat.

Blimp Ticket Puncher Loser with a low income job and a studio apartment (Age 29): Hi! Are you 4 heading to Glitzville?

Mario: Oh shit! How long were you standing here?

Blimp Ticket Puncher Loser with a low income job and a studio apartment: Ah don't mind me. This stuff happens all the time in Ghettoport. I'm just trying to do my job. Thats all.

Mario: Thats a relief. You know what to do! Get our asses on that blimp!

Mario pointed to the giant helium filled condom called "blimp" while holding up his tickets. Yes. Thats what the blimp will look like in this story.

Blimp Ticket Puncher Loser with a low income job and a studio apartment: You got it! Just pass this gate right here behind me and grab a seat. Your flight will take off shortly.

The strange team of 4 started walking to the blimp.

Mario: Wow! This part was actually fairly simple! I think shit from here on out is going to flow by much easily with far less problems!

Goombella: You can say that again!

Koops: So we aint gonna ask dat guy how he gets paid if dat blimp don't' make no do!?

Mario: Don't think too much about it. It's just a minor plot hole. Get over it.

As Team M walked in the platform under the blimp, that random balloon obsessed homeless guy stood next to them smelling like rabies mixed with salmonella.

Random Hobo: Hai. Are you all riding the balloon too?

Mario gripped the top part of his nose near his eyebrows in stress and frustration due to who he was standing next to.

Mario: Oh god noooooooo... Not this piece of fucking shit again.

Random Hobo: I like balloons. I think they're fun!

Mario: HOW DID THIS SMELLY HOMELESS RETARD GET A TICKET SO EASILY!?

Random Hobo: Do you like riding balloons too!?

Mario: ALRIGHT! I'VE MADE UP MY MIND! FUCK THIS! WE'RE FINDING ANOTHER WAY TO GET TO GLITZVILLE!

Flurrie: Wait! Mario! I have an idea!

Flurrie: Every1 Grab my Boob!

Mario, Goombella, and Koops Grabbed Flurrie's left boob.

Goombella: Eww...

Flurrie: TO GLITZVILLE!

Flurrie and friends flew away off to the direction of Glitzville with Mario and the rest of the Team grabbing her saggy veiny ass cans abandoning the blimp entirely. If any of them let go of her, they will die... forever!

Goombella: So WHY DIDN'T WE DO THIS FROM THE START!?

Mario: Incase you haven't noticed, its because were fucking retarded!

Chapture 4 - 9: Shitz Titz and Clitz!

[Glitzville]

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 22nd, 2004. It is 12:36 AM, partially cloudy and 69 Degrees F.]

Goombella: But you do know how much time we wasted when we could have done that all along right!?

Mario: Are you still on that shit? We're here!

Flurrie landed the gang of morons on the plateau of the floating castle- I mean... Dojo. There were food courts everywhere and other kinds of industrialized concepts. In the far back of the floating man-made island was the dojo itself with the Chain Chomp above the doors making the dojo look scary. Oh wait. I explained that in the map update. Thanks to everything smelling like fast food, tons of drunk families with their drunk ass kids were walking around mindlessly trying to stuff their faces with just about any gross edible thing they can find laying around. Hey, Ever wonder how Glitzville can find all of the fossil fuel to make this small city float? Like, holy fuck.

Goombella: This is TOTALLY crazy! I never thought I would ever stand on a floating island in my life! I mean, wow! You're probably used to it Mario, but still!

Mario: Well you have. It's called a planet!

Flurrie: Now where can we find this Gloryhole business... My cooter is curious...

Mario: In a little bit. Let's get something to eat 1st before we find that star.

Goombella: Yeah. We have to consume more than just beer for 1ce.

Koops: Yo! Whatya think this next star is called?

Goombella: Since we're going by the 7 dedly sins. So far, we have Wrath and Envy. I bet this 1 is the star of pride.

Mario: Maybe it's gluttony this time.

Koops: I think it's the star of player hating!

Goombella: That's...definitely not a dedly sin... That's just dumb. Very, very, dumb.

Mario: Lets just go get some fucking food. I'm starving

Koops: I say we should grab some Mickey D's.

Goombella: Mickey D's what's that?

Mario: He means McDonalds. He's just saying it all retarded like.

Goombella: WHOA! We can't eat there!

Koops: Wait. Why not?

Goombella: Because! Haven't you seen that documentary talking about the chemicals they use for their food now!? Its really bad for you!

Flurrie: No.

Goombella: I'm telling the truth! See look!

Goombella pointed to the Glitzville McDonald's where Morgan Spurlock (Age 34) was seen buying a Big Mac.

McDonald's cashier (Age 20): That will be 8 coins.

Morgan Spurlock: Here you go!

McDonald's cashier: Thank you. Have a good day.

Morgan Spurlock: You too.

Morgan Spurlock took the 1st bite of his Big Mac and the skin of his tongue started to boil along with the rest of his mouth.

Morgan Spurlock: A- AA-AAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHKHGBVKSDLBSDJKVBSDFJKSDBSDJKVBSDJVSDBDSJKGBSDVJBDBSD!

The rest of his body started to bubble and he eventually disintegrated in a very gory way.

Goombella: See!? They actually use hydrochloric acid nowadays!

Flurrie: Oh dear!

Mario: Holy fuck! I'm never eating at McDonald's again!

Koops: DAYAMN! Don't that like, kill their customers and shit!?

Goombella: They don't care! They're McDonald's!They're an evil corporation that just wants to make coins!

Mario: Jesus fuck! I never thought I would say this, but now I kind of wanna grab a Smoothie or something.

Goombella: Yeah! Like, no kidding! Wanna go to that Jamba Juice over there?

Koops: Heel YEAH!

They entered the Jamba Juice with a female toad in a blackwork smock and pink spotted toad hat and a blonde streak of hair at the counter.

Mario: I wonder where the dedly star is?

Goombella: I wouldn't talk about that so loudly, you never know who can hear you.

Mario: Speak for yourself miss. giveawayourplottomobsters.

Jocy (Age 32): What can I get for you?

The team browsed through the menu like normal people for 1ce figuring out what the hell they were going to get.

Goombella: Uhh... wow. I've never been to 1 of these places before. Come back to me.

Mario: Alright I'll just go next. K lets see... Get me a large Shroom Shake Supreme.

Koops: Imma get 1 of dem medium star crazy star shakes!

Jocy: Wait! Are you all paying together or separate?

Mario: Together.

Goombella: Alright I know what I'm getting now. I think I'll have a trippy flower frenzy.

Flurrie: And I'll have anything without pineapple. It would ruin the sublime smell of Flurrie's wonderful pusswah. Let the smoothie be... a mystery.

Jocy: Allllrright...Is that all?

Mario: Yes.

Jocy: Alright. That will be 18 coins.

Mario: God this place a fucking riff off! Fine.

Mario payed the lady and recieved the 4 shakes he had paid for.

Koops: Ay Mario, doncha gotta tip dat biatch?!

Mario: Oh hehe... Whoopsies. I almost forgot.

Mario suddenly pulled down his overalls and underwear exposing his greasy fucking genitals.

Mario: By the way, I got a tip for you right here! THE TIP OF MY PENIS!

Goombella: MARIO! PUT THAT SHIT AWAY! NOW!

Mario: What? Koops wanted me to tip her, so I showed her the tip of my dick! Thats what he meant right!?

Jocy: AAHH! GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL SECURITY!

Mario: secure this!

Mario used his Mario dick as a whip and smashed all of the blenders like the fucking stretchy fuckhole he is.

Mario: I show her the tip of my penis and this is the thanks I get!? Fuck this place! Lets go! We're never going back to Jamba Juice again!

They left the store forgetting that ever happened. Aren't video games funny like that?

Koops: Yo! I'm starting to wonder how there's all these people out here walkin' n' shit! Do they have some kinda connects with the Don yo? Fo rizzel!

Mario: Yeah. I'm starting to think any1 can just buy tickets at Ticketmaster. Now I feel dumber.

Goombella: Yeah. That, or they're like, super rich or something. Like, so rich, that they flew their jet planes here or something. Hehe.

Mario and his strange friends started noticing a random rich Bob-omb family of a mom, dad, and son.

Bub (Age 9): Hey daddy! Daddy! I wanna Hot Dog! I wanna Hotdog now daddy! And I wanna eat it!

Goldbob (Age 55): No son.

Bub: But WHY NOT!?

Goldbob: Because you don't have a mouth son.

Bub: Aww man! I forgot!

Sylvia (Age 53): Mmm... I must say. We better head inside before we miss the big fight for the championship!

Goldbob: Mmm... Indudibly. I concur. So far these Glitzville parts seem a bit on the tawdry side I do say, what ever that word means. Or maybe I should buy out that Hotdog stand next to us and turn it into a chain where we add nicotine to the recipe to make every 1 addicted to our hotdogs so we can make even more money.

Sylvia: Sayy... I'm started to feel rather unsettled with these 4 goons hovering over us listening to our conversation.

Goldbob: Lets go inside. If they follow us, we can just call the police.

Sylvia: Indudidudibly.

Koops: Wow! Dat shit be rude yo! Wacker Jackerz boy!

Goombella: Well, thats rich folks for yuh.

Flurrie: Guys, is it me, or was it hard not to eyeball that child of theirs...

Goombella: Oh come on Flurrie! Don't be a fucking pedophile! You're already a shitty enough character as it is!

Flurrie: MMmmm Indeed I am... Get used to it.

Koops finally got an email.

Koops: Ah jizz! Its mah daddy-yo! What he want!?

"Kooply: How's getting laid Koops?

Holy crap son! This Facebook business is amazing! Much better than writing a letter in pen and whatnot! It's quick! I can't believe how much has changed since I was vaginally swallowed by that dragon!

Anyway, I've been freaking amazing, I've been getting drunk, smoking wildflowers, polishing my penis before I screw some random broads I never call back. Don't be surprised if you have any half brothers out there in about 9 months or so! Hehe. ...Yeah... this town seemed boring 10 years ago when there was a flying dragon. And now that it's gone, IT'S STILL BORING! but since I've been out of that dragon, It made me realize how I really miss all kinds of pussy. It feels good to resume my mission of fucking every female species on the planet. Like, this 1 time, I had sex with this 1 Pokey. Basically, the husband went up to me while I was drunk and rolling in a cheap bar. Hes all like, "YO! You have got to fuck my girlfriend! She's uber hawt. So I did! On top of a fucking church may I add. I fucked her cactus like vadgelly so hard, I didn't even care that my dick was so fucked up and bleeding from the cactus splinters! I had to use my own blood as lube! That only means she'll get aids right? So I'm like, HAHA! I gave you aids bitch! What now!? SO then she called the cops and she said I raped her. Totally ignoring the fact that I gave her aids. So the cops tried beating me with nightsticks. So I just hid in my shell and when they least expected it, I popped out and I started beating the cops to deth with my spikey splintery dick! So far, there haven't been any other cops coming after me since. I heard the boyfriend was pretty pissed though. Which is weird cause he was the 1 who initially gave me permission to Derail her. When you come back, I wanna hear all about your crazy sex stories! Don't let me down by turning into some lame Koopa wigger alright!? Aah ha ha ha!

From, Kooply

Koops: Ah damn My K-Daddy must really miss my ass! Maybe I should send him some of my poetry I've been writing in my head huh!?

Every1 else: NOOOOO!

Goombella: If you want your dad to still love you, DON'T WRITE BACK TO HIM UNTIL YOU GROW OUT OF YOUR SHITTY RAP PHASE!

Koops: It's a way of Life G-Bella!

Goombella jumped on Koops knocking him on his back.

Goombella: And stop calling me tha!

Dupree: Bonjour voir ma belle chou..

Goombella: Oh no! Not this creep again!

Mario: How the fuck did he get here?

Dupree: Ho ho ho. Mon élégante chienne. Que dites-vous nous abandonner ces nouveaux amis et avoir des relations sexuelles et sur le dessus du dojo Gloryhole.

Goombella: Would you just fuck off! I don't have time to put up with weird sexual bullshit!

Flurrie: Hey there baby. How about we ride each other like donkeys and attack each other's asses violently with our tongues.

Goombella: You understand french too?

Mario: Of course she does. She's a famous porn star.

Goombella: Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?

Dupree: Eh bien. Pourquoi si elle est pas le célèbre Cumulia (Cumulia is Flurrie's name in French. Look it up and prove me wrong (haha. CUMulia)). Aimeriez-vous faire du parachutisme pendant que nous baiser comme un couple de porcs cornées et Towering Eiffel.

Flurrie: Hey guys. What does he mean by Eiffel Towering?

Goombella: I have no idea.

Mario: It's really obvious.

Koops: Yo I get it! It's when-

Mario: Save it Koops. Its funnier cause girls really have no idea what Eiffel Towering means.

Flurrie: My... I may know just about every sex term out there, but what ever is this Eiffel Towering you speak of?

Dupree: Vous voyez, Towering Eiffel est lorsque vous-

Mario: Alright! I'm bored of this shit now!

Mario took his hammer and violantly whacked Dupree with a piercing blow knocking 1 of his arms off.

Dupree: NoOoOoOoOoOoOo ! Mon putain de bras!

Mario: Now get lost!

Mario picked up Dupree and carried him like Donkey Kong in Smash Bros and chucked him off Glitzville. Will he survive? Who knows.

Goombella: How are none of the people walking around phased by this!?

Flurrie: No! Hes ded! I was gonna film pre-destined banned porno with him!

Mario: Well if it makes you feel better, here's his arm. Maybe you can finger yourself with his sebbard arm.

Mario handed Flurrie the sebbard arm like it was no big deal.

Flurrie: Awww... Thank Mario!

Mario: No problem. Now can we get back to the fucking adventure already!?

After all that misheff, Team M arrived in the lobby of the Glitzville Gloryhole; a hole for glory and nothing more...

Koops: Damn! This place be huge! Liek mah dick.

Goombella: *Sigh* We went over this. Your dick is 5.49 inches long remember!?

Koops: When it's soft!

Goombella: No Koops. When it's hard... You're on the small side. Deal with it.

Koops: At least I have a dick!

Mario: Yeah, but your a FUCKING PUSSY! No where's the fucking star?

Goombella: It doesn't look like it's around here.

Flurrie: Maybe it's behind those big vadgelly looking doors over there?

Goombella: But doesn't that lead to the arena or something?

Koops: Don't we otta gotta pay for dem tix to see some trix?

Mario: You see an usher around here? Lets just check inside. If not, I can just smash the engines and sink this floating island killing every1 and everything. That way, we can just look through the rubble and find the star no problem!

Goombella: Yeah... Lets just go through the door and hopefully the star isn't being used as like, the champion's belt ornament of something. lol.

The dumb team entered the loud arena where Mario and the strange heroes were encountered by the obnoxious roars of drunkened spectators. Some of them managed to get distracted over the fact that Mario's right fucking there!

Mario: So this is what it's like inside the glory hole huh?

Max (Age 13): HOLY CRAP! YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME!

Cass (Age 27): OMG LOOK! ITS MARIO!

Michael (Age 39): I WANNA RAPE YOU SO BADLY!

Jake (Age 31): IS THAT RON JEREMY!?

Brent (Age 33) HE SMELLS LIKE PISS!

Ryan (Age 46): HEY MARIO! PUNCH ME REALLY HARD IN THE FACE!

Dan (Age 16): PLAY WITH MY BUTT!

Nick (Age 25): MARIO! HEY MARIO! OVER HERE! CAN YOU SIGN MY BALLS!?

The random fan pulled down his own pants to exposing his ball sack for Mario.

Mario: How about this.

Mario kicked the guys balls instead.

Nick: OUCH! EVERY1! I JUST GOT MY BALLS KICKED BY MARIO! #MARIOKICKEDMYBALLSEVERY1! #MARIOKICKEDMYBALLSEVERY1!

Will (Age 39): MARIO! CAN YOU HELP ME WIPE!?

Alexis (Age 34): MARIO! CAN YOU FART ON MY BABY!? LEMME GET MY CAMERA 1ST!

Chris (Age 69): SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IS WAY BETTER!

Matthew (Age 21): ZELDA!1

Thomas (Age 24): SMELL MY FINGER!

Cory (Age 35): MARIO! CHECK OUT THIS HENTAI I MADE OF YOU! YOU LIKE IT!?

Mario: I don't fucking believe this shit.

Aaron (Age 47): HAY MARIO! I WROTE A SONG FOR YOU! WANNA HEAR IT!? IT GOES LIKE, MARIO MARIO MARRRRRRIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOO! MARIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, MAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOO! MAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIII- BLEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Aaron Puked beer + stomach vile on Mario's shirt.

Mario: YOU BITCH!

Alex (Age 24): MARIO GIVES ME AIDS!

Chase (Age 42): O GEEZ! MARIO! IM SO NERVOUS!

Kelly (Age 18): BRING BACK YOUR OLD DOWN B MOVE IN SMASH BROS!

Frank (Age 22): PAPER MARIO STICKER STAR WAS AN INSULT TO MY CHILDHOOD AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!

Frank spat on Mario's face.

Frank: AND TELL MIYAMOTO TO LEAVE THE STORY WRITING TO FUCKING INTELLIGENT SYSTEM! IF HE'S GONNA COMPLAIN ABOUT STORIES BEING IN VIDEO GAMES, THEN HE SHOULDN'T MAKE RPG GAMES IN THE 1ST PLACE!

Mario: This... is getting annoying fast. Lets go before I kill all of my asstarded fans in here.

Koops: Wait a sec YO! I'm diggin this fight! These moves are tight!

Koops pointed to the fight directing the team to pay attention to the fight. A giant overgrown retarded conary who thinks he's a Hawk on steroids with a black speedo who has a low functioning John Cena complex beating the crap out of a Koopa shaped scary looking robot who likes to rip off Arnald Aschwartsnagger by calling himself "The Koopinator"

Rawk Hawk (Age 27): ALRIGHT LADES AND DJENTS! CHECK YOUR WATCHES AND TELL ME,

WHAT TIME IT IS!?

The Audience: 1:03 PM!

Rawk Hawk: NO GOD DAMNIT! ITS RAWK O' CLOCK! AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! IT'S TIME FOR THIS WIMP TO FEEL THE RAWK! WITH ME! KICKING HIM IN THE CAWK!

Rawk Hawk jumped in the air and viciously wrapped his legs around the Koopinator (Age 36) causing him to fall on his back. Then he proceeded in an act of overkill by curb stomping his fucking balls.

Koopinator: OW!

Mario: OH THAT SHIT LOOKS SO STAGED!

The speakers blasted the sound of a distorted power chord in an E flat tone. What? Does any1 else reading this play guitar?

Rawk Hawk: THATS RIGHT YOU FUCKING FAGGOT! I WIN! YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF FOR BEING SUCH A STINKING LOSER FAGGOT LOSER! NEXT TIME YOU FIGHT ME, YOU BETTER THINK AGAIN UNLESS YOU WANNA GET RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKKKEEEEED BRAH! YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA! I BET YOU DECIDED TO HAVE SOME GAY ASS SEX IN THE LOCKER ROOM INSTEAD OF DOING YOUR PUSH UPS AND SIT UPS! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SO GAY! DO YOU EVEN LIFT!? CALL ME UNCLE RAWK HAWK CAUSE I FUCKED YOU MOM WITH MY RAWKIN HAWKIN GLAWKIN CAWK! NOW GET OUT OF HERE YOU... YOU ... UHHHHH... GAY LORD! YEAH! I'M RAWK HAWK!

Goombella: This guy is a fucking dick-farmer. And that monolog dragged on way too long.

The Host of the Glory Hole Vince McMa- I meant... Grubba (Age 59) the fat purple big lipped cowboy talking fish duck penguin turtle dinosaur thing with Ozzy Osbourne's Shades, red pony tail, tuxedo for people who do alot of cocaine only, and manly fedora, and a neckbeard stepped onto the ring where he declared Rawk Hawk as the new champion.

Grubba: YIIIHAAA! LOOK LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A NEW CHAMPION IN THE ROOTIN' TOOTIN' GLORYHOLE! SO TELL US, WHAT ARE YER THOUGHT OF THIS CHAMPION SHIT TONIGHT!?

Rawk Hawk: MAN! NO 1 CAN BEAT ME! THAT FIGHT WAS A JOKE CAUSE I'M THE BEST! LIKE NO 1 EVER WAS, OR WILL BE! MAYBE IF THOSE WUSSES YOU CALL "FIGHTERS", WEREN'T SO FUCKING GAY *shakes ass*, THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE ME BREAK A SWEAT! THATS RIGHT! YOU MESS WITH RAWK HAWK, YOU GET PERCHED! WANNA KNOW WHY!? CAUSE I RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!

Rawk Hawk did a flip in the air and played a little air guitar trying very hard to emphasize his "awesomeness." Then he pointed at the camera implying that he's talking to the audience.

Rawk Hawk: YOU WEAKLINGS MIGHT AS WELL STICK TO READING FAN FICTION, OK? CAUSE I'LL HURT YOU...BY PUSHING YOU! YEAH! 1 RULE CAUSE IM THE CHAMPION! RAWK HAWK IS THE CHAMP! HARDYHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHAR! RAWK HAWK STYLE!

Goombella: Will this guy stop going on lame tangents already!?

Mario: I bet you 1,000,000 coins I can kick his ass.

Grubba: Ho ho ho! Sorry. I didn't mean to make my laugh sound like Santa... ANYWAY, HERE'S THE CHAMPION'S BELT PASSED DOWN FOR ALMOST 10000000000000 YEARS!

Grubba ripped off the champion belt from the Koopinator's... MOUTH, and handed Rawk Hawk the belt in which he narcissistically raised in the air as if he was some kind of champion in a wrestling match. ... Oh wait a minute... shit. Also as Goombella predicted and going by the game itself the Star of Greed was used as the ornament for the champion belt...

Koops: HOD UP MARIO! LOOKY LOOKIDY LOOK LOOK! DAT RAWKA FLAWKA HAWKA GUY'S GOT DAT ... uhh... THE STAR WE LOOKIN' FOR!

Flurrie: I knew it'd be in there!

Mario: Holy shit! That's the quickest we've ever spotted the star! That was easy! Alright, let me make my way through the crowd and kick his ass!

Goombella: No Mario!

Mario: What's wrong with you now?

Goombella: Think about it. You have at least 10,000 drunk audience members surrounding us. We might be a kick ass team, but were not gods.

Mario: You really take the fun out of this shit don't you. We'll how the fuck else are we supposed to get the star? I guess we can sneak in his room, tie him up, and steal the belt for ourselves.

Goombella: Why would we need the belt with it?

Mario: The Star! You get the idea!

Koops: I gotz an idea homies!

Mario: Not now Koops!

Koops: I say we get our asses in that tournament and cap their asses till we hop to da top.

Mario: Do you realize how long that is going to take if we do that!? I don't think the readers are gonna wanna sit around and read the entire story if we do. I don't think IAMMASTER wants to write some montage of us beating every1 with Live to Win by Paul Stanley playing.

Koops: What if their asses just skipped through that shit then? You know, read what you feel like reading?

Mario: Okay fine. We'll just kick all of their asses then. It doesn't seem that hard if that Cawk Rawk thing is champion. Besides, we probably need to find some kind of way to level up anyway.

Flurrie: Maybe we'll get a new sexy partner along the way...

Mario: Fuck. I hope not. Lets just figure out who to talk to so we can pretend to be fighters so we can take the star and go. Well I guess we're gonna be known as famous wrestlers even though it'd be smarter to keep a low profile knowing those X-Nazis are still probably after us. So... you all really wanna do this champion shit?

Goombella Koops and Flurrie: YEAH!

Mario: *sigh* Alright... Just so you know, this a really retarded idea.

[COMMERCIAL MODE]

HEY! WANNA GET LAID LIKE A CHAMP!? THEN TRY SPRINTING DOWN TO DICKHEAD'S SPORTING GOODS AND BUY A CAN OF RAWK HAWK BODY SPRAY! WITH THIS BAD BOY, YOU CAN SMELL JUST LIKE RAWK HAWK GETTING YOU 100+ BITCHES AN HOUR! YOU CAN SMELL GOOD WHILE YOU BEAT UP THOSE NERDS OUT IN THE PARKING LOT!

Rawk Hawk: SUP LOSERS! I'M RAWK HAWK! AND IF YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE A MAN, THEN TRY SPRAYING SOME OF MY RAWK HAWK BODY SPRAY ON YOUR CHEST AND KNAWK OUT YOUR NEIGHBORS LIKE A REAL MAN WHILE YOU PUT THE CAWK IN YOUR WIFE! WHILE HAVING A SWARM OF CHICK CATTLE ALL OVER YOUR HOUSE! ONLY A GAY PERSON WOULD RESIST THIS!

A CAN OF RAWK HAWK BODY SPRAY? MORE LIKE, A WHOLE NEW CAN OF WHOOP ASS! RAWK HAWK BODY SPRAY! BUY SOME NOW!

[END OF COMMERCIAL]

Chapture 4 - 10: Blow My Load in the Gloryhole!

Meanwhile as the dumbass team began finding the head honcho of Glitzville not realizing that they should at least ask him to see the star to explain their research event. Maybe they won't buy it. Or maybe they will if they see some proof by seeing the other 2 stars. Or maybe they still won't buy it. Who knows. Thats up for debate. GETTING BACK ON TRACK, lets see where they're off to!

Mario and his team reached another door with a blue oval shaped security guard who dresses like he's in Men in Black.

Securitim (Age 32): What do you punks want?

Koops: Yo, mah name is Koops and i'm here tuh say, we wanna become wrestlers in the day!

Mario: Let me handle this Koops! Hey security retard, is this the way to that purple big lipped thing's office?

Securitim: Hmmm... What's in it for you bubba?

Mario: Well get this. We're trying to become fighters right now. So can you please move before I flatten your face with my hammer of god?

Securitim: You wanna become fighters? 1st of all, you have to notify Grubba for an appointment. Also, you just threatened me. I'm thinking I should have you 4 kicked out before anything dangerous happens.

Mario: We can bribe you.

Securitim: What are you saying?

Mario: I'm saying maybe you can be treated in ... you know... ways that may or may not involve fornication.

Securitim: Nice try. I may be bribable. In fact very bribable, very bribable, but there's no way any of you are hot enough to bribe me sexually.

Mario:I see... ... NOW FLURRIE!

Flurrie tackled the security guard and pinned him down on the ground about to smooch him. He struggled as she was perking up her chapped lips and snot running down her nose.

Securitim: AAAAHHHHHHHH! HALP! GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!

Mario: Yeah... that bribe may have been a bit unclear. You see, unless you don't want this steaming ugly smelly cloud thing to rape you, you will open the door and take us to what's his face's office.

Securitim: AAAAHHHHHHH! LIKE HELL I'M LETTING YOU THROUGH

Flurrie started kissing and licking his face while dry humping him.

Securitim: ALRIGHT FINE! YOU WIN! I'LL WALK YOU ALL TO THE OFFICE!

Mario: Thats better.

Flurrie got off of Securitim as he opened the door and guided them to Grubba's office.

Koops: Yo G-Bel- I mean... Goombella, does my finger smell weird?

Goombella: Get away from me.

Flurrie: I'll smell it!

Flurrie took a whiff of Koops' finger.

Flurrie: My my...

Securitim: Okay. Were here.

Securitim opened the door where Grubba was seen doing a line of cocaine.

Grubba: WHOA! Who in tarnation are you doing here sonny boy? And who the hell let you in?!

Securitim: They bribed me sir.

Grubba: You're fired.

Grubba pulled out his redneck pistol and shot the Securitim in the forehead.

Goombella: JESUS FUCK! YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT!

Koops: Holy thug life yo!

Grubba: Anyway enough of that jib jab, who the hell are you 4? Why are you all in my office without an appointment? And why shouldn't I use you all as target practice with my loaded pistol from my rootin tootin' chair?

Mario: Rootin tootin... chair...

Goombella: We're here to become fighters on the Glitzville Glorything.

Mario: I'm surprised you of all people don't find this idea dumb Goombella.

Grubba: What's that? You cats wanna be fighters you say? Well, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO!? Ever since our Rawk Hawk became champion 5 minutes ago, our ratings have been bursting through the roof! Which means more doh! I say keep that moolah trainacoming!

Mario: Can I have some of your cocaine?

Grubba: So I have to ask! Are you wishin to competing in the big leagues? Are you in it for the glory, the glam, the bitches, whats your motive?

Koops: We'll you see, we're not really in it to fight no people, we just want dat star you have on dat bling ass belt-

Mario silenced Koops by covering up his mouth with hand.

Mario: WHAT KOOPS is trying to say is yes! We're in it cause we're fucking horny! Or some shit.

Grubba: Well HOO-WEE! I'm SQUEALING LIKE A PIGGAY! I like that motto! You know, despite none of you having no fighting resume, it looks like you guys are gonna do just fine.

Mario: No resume!? Do you know who the fuck I am?

Grubba walked over to Mario and rested his hand on his shoulder awkwardly.

Grubba: Well lemme give it to yuh straight.

Mario casually grabbed Grubbah's arm to take his hand off of him.

Grubba: Back in my youngin days, I was poor as shit. I mean, most kids had a toilet to defecate in. We didn't. We had to compensate by using our fat mom as a shitter to shit on. We didn't know anything about going outside or ever using a corner. That was our only option. I had no concept of coins, material, 401K, none of that. I was that kid that would pick on nerdy nancy boys in school by pinning them down and making them do things to turn them gay, like giving them wet willies with my tongue, or give them titty twisters with my teeth, or giving them swirlies while I raped them in the bathroom stall. I got expelled from school cause of that and starting fight clubs and winning all the time. And thats when I decided that real winners such as myself don't need to finish junior high. For the rest of my teen years, I just fed my appetite for my talent of beating up gay nerdy kids and huffing cat piss in a paper lunch bag all day. Then that's when I realized something: I HAVE A SHEER TALENT FOR DOING THIS! So in my adult years, I joined many many fighting tournaments and I never lost 1ce. I became so rich and so famous from it, I decided after snorting enough heroin to kill 1000 Elvises, that I would hire a bunch of Asians and Mexicans to build me a FLOATING CITY IN THE SKY DEDICATED FOR FIGHTING! I launched it in 1989! So I decided to say, "screw fighting" and I retired so I can live off my riches and be a fat cat for the rest of my life. And so, I learned that the secret in life is BEING RICH AND FAMOUS! It's proven that being rich is proof of how great you are! HOT DIGGITY! I'M SET FOR LIFE! YEE HAA!

Grubba pulled out 2 pistols and started hopping on his chair while shooting the ceiling like Yosemite Sam.

Goombella: This guy's scaring me...

Mario: Why did we need to know all of that?

Flurrie: Well I think it's a wonderful story.

Grubba: Well long story short, if you dream big, you get big! Thats how winners win!

Mario: Okay. Calm down Charlie Sheen.

Grubba: That's the fighting spirit chief! Now come walk with me, let me give you pups the tour.

Koops: Wait... Are we cats, or dawgs!?

Goombella: They're just expressions dumb ass.

Grubba walked the problem team out of his office and gave them a quick tour of some of the other rooms.

Grubba opened the door to the champion's room. Need a description? Well you have a golden luxurious room reeking of axe body spr-... I mean RAWK HAWK body spray with a bunch of unopened presents filled with cocaine teddy bears from the drug cartels and I think there's a ded prostitute that died from suffocating inside the wrapped up box. You got a king sized bed made out of majical gold tiger skin. Maybe from the legendary Pokemon; Raikou was skinned for it. Who knows. Wait, where's Rawk Hawk? Probably beating up some random gay guy in the parking lot for looking at his speedo area for too long.

Grubba: This right here is the dang ol' champion's room. Mmmm... Smell that shit?

Mario, Koops, and Goombella did that thing that people do where they hold up their shirts to cover up their noses over the intoxicating smell of axe body spray.

Mario: You call this the fucking champion's room!? Its a fucking gas chamber from the holocaust!

Grubbah: Yes! This room sure is the apidomy of DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-LUXE huh? If you work your way to the top, you can live in this room where you guys can earn 50 Arminian Hookers an hour! Talk about the life huh!?

Goombella: I think we're gonna die in here if we stay here any longer!

Flurrie: Even Flurrie is feeling rather queasy from this unholy odar.

Grubba: Now onto the next room!

The scene skipped to Grubba touring them to the red Major League locker room where about 4 of the fighters you won't get a description of until like, a few sub chaptures later were seen just mindlessly walking around not talking or anything. Yeah, so they're all expected to live in there with no beds like a pack of animals... well... they are all variations of Koopa. Well.. So much for keeping that detail a secret.

Grubba: Now this right here is the locker room for dem' major leaguers. Unfortunately, it doesn't smell as nice in here. But some of our best fighters sure live here.

Grubbah: HEY FIGHTERS! YOU'RE NOT HAVING ANY GAY SEX ARE YOU!?

Fighters: Uhh... no?

Flurrie: This whole room smells like semen.

Grubba: Good good! I hate gay sex! I'll have security pull you guys out of the Glory Hole and I will finish you all off with Captain Falcon's B move in Smash Bros and make it look like a car accident. Call me old fashion, but gay sex is just plain wrong!

Koops: Damn! There be more semen staines up-on doz walls than on my computer screen!

Grubbah: Alright Alright! Lets just go back to my office so we can get real things started.

The scene transitioned to being back in Grubba's room within a sudden millisecond. How the hell is Grubba making them teleport like that? I hope he doesn't have any psychic powers or some shit.

Grubba: So you know how this wrestling shit works right? Incase, you don't, lemme just tell you, It aint easy. It aint easy to work your way up to the top. Which is also known as... the championship. Also, there can be only 1 champion so its gonna be hard. You're gonna have to punch people, and they're gonna try to punch you back.

Mario: Dude, stop explaining fucking wrestling to me like a fucking 5 year old or I'll make my fat partner rape you!

Flurrie: I will do it!

Grubba: All im saying is that you gotta be full of that tiger blood coursing through your veins. Before you do this, I need you 4 to sign a tincy-wiincy contract to become a quartet of bad ass fighters...

Grubba: *Sais in light speed* Andforustocontrolyourlivesinanywaypossibleevenifitmeansgettingsodomizedtodethbyahornycactus.

Goombella: What was that last part?

Grubba was doing another big ass line of coke on a mirror on his desk.

Grubba: SIGN!1 YOU SELF! UP!

Mario: Can I have some of that coke or not?

Grubbah: JUST S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-SIGNNNNNNNNN!

Mario: alright Jeez...

They all signed the contract while not reading it like a bunch of illiterates who've never delt with contract legality before where you actually have to read it so you know what you're in for.

Koops: I get it! Its like 1 of them terms of agreement on dem websites like facebook!

Grubbah: YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH! YOU GOT IT!

Goombella: Sooo... what now? Are we in?

Grubba: Mmmmm...WAIT! just 1 more thing... lets see now... we need a name for your star captain with the provocative mustache. Say... give me some ideas... like, what's your name?

Mario: You... really don't know my fucking name? ITS MARIO! MARIO! ITS EVEN MY FUCKING LAST NAME TOO! MARIO MARIO! FOR FUCK SAKES! MY NAME IS 1000x MORE FAMOUS THAN YOUR SHITTY FLOATING DOJO WILL EVER BE!

Mario had a hissy fit and knocked down 1 of Grubba's potted plants.

Grubba: Hmm... I can't think of anything flashy with "Mario"...Knarleyyo? Ehh… it sucks. Human man? Lame. Do you by any chance have a middle name?

Mario: Now thats a much less retarded name! Its Gonzales. Mario Gonzales Mario. Don't get the wrong idea. That doesn't mean i'm a fucking mexican if that's what you're thinking.

Grubba: Gonzales you say? ... AH HA! I GOT IT! You will be known world wide as... THE GREAT! GONZALES!1 WORLD WIDE!

Mario: I'm already known as Mario. From the video games! You see my hat? ITS-AN MII! For MARIo or some shit like that.

Grubba: Its the Glitzville kind of style! You will be well loved by our Mexican demographic! And you will sell big blue coins!

Koops: Ay Yo! Why is Mario the only 1 gettin a nick name?

Goombella: I don't think Grubba is paying too much attention to us. I think were just seen as mindless partners to him.

Koops: We still Team M right?

Goombella: I... don't know... I hope so to be honest right now.

Mario: I have a sick feeling that this is the worst contract I've signed since 1981.

Grubba: Well, now that we got all of these shady business agreement shits outta the way... I'm gonna send a lovely A-Sexual intern to send you to your locker room.

Grubba began to page a female toad with a pink spotted hat and blonde streak of hair with dorky intern virgin glasses wearing a red business suit to make her look smart.

Grubba: Jolene? Could you come meet these new recruits I just hired?

Jolene (Age 32): Yes sir. I'm on my way.

Grubba: *Snickers* I only pay her half the salary i'm really suppose to cause shes a dumb woman. Maybe that's why she always on her period.

Jolene made it to Grubba's office at an unrealistic speed. Maybe shes trying hard to prove her worthiness.

Jolene: *panting* You wish to see me sir?

Grubba: Why yes I do sugar puss! Now I want you to meet this hear Great Gonzales! I'm predicting he's gonna be the next Sylvester Stallone/ Hulk Hogan fusion! Now show these peeps to their new locker room! But 1st, bring me that apple bottom here for a little spin spin!

Grubba grabbed Jolene ruffly by the arm and pulled her toward him to slap her in the face, spit on her, kiss her, turn her around, bend her over, and spank her. Talk about appropriate work behavior right?

Koops: DAMN! Talk about playin liek a PIMP!

Jolene wiped off a small tear from her eye under her glasses.

Jolene: *Sniff* Alright. Ju... just follow me, newcomers.

Grubba: Now if you excuse me, I need to snort a line of coke off of a Hooker's poorly cleaned butt crack while wearing nothing but a fedora! I'll make sure she has a vadgelly this time!

Jolene closed the door in utter disgust of her boss's behavior.

Jolene: *Sigh* Sorry you all had to see that... Alright. So lets walk and talk. So assuming, you read the contract right? So you know what our rules are going to be. Right. Also remember, Grubba is basically your master now. He owns you for life, so that means that you cannot leave unless Grubba approves.

Goombella: WHAT!? That was on the contract!?

Mario: Aren't you supposed to be the girl who reads? Why do you even bring books with you? Seriously! Welp... So much for our adventure guys...

They made their way into the red minor league locker room. The room reeked of blood, sweat, shit, semen, and depression. Rusty springs were popping out of the benches, half of the lockers were smashed in by some wrestlers with unresolved issues about their sexuality, parts of the wall and floor were missing cause of some of the fighters thought it was food or some shit. I few minor crummy fighters were acting like a barrel of toddlers without their ritalin medication by jumping around, rolling around, running into walls, and performing ded on impressions of Rush Limbaugh. Like the Major League locker room, this 1 is also the standard the minor leaguers will have to live in. Only much much worse. Especially with all of the piles of fecal matter all over the goddamn floor since the toilet has been blocked by a random giant yellow block for several years now. To put it bluntly, IT LOOKS LIKE FUCKING PRISON! BUT WORSE!

Jolene: So yeah. Welcome to your locker room you'll be starting out in.

Goombella: I have a question. Do you people keep this room this shitty to motivate the fighters to do better? Or are you all just a bunch of lazy assholes that don't want to spend money on fixing it?

Jolene: Well if you don't like it here, I suggest you work your way up to the big leagues.

Goombella: Well yeah, I see you chose to answer both my question well... Wow ... I really don't like you.

Jolene: Well. Let's just start your 1st match immediately. Since you are newcomers, you will begin at the bottom rank at rank 20 and you will have to work your way up from there. Every time you win, you will rank up a higher number. If you lose without preforming 1 of Grubba's requests, your ranking will drop.

Mario: So hold the fuck up. Are we already starting a match? Don't we need to rest a day or so to set up a date so people will ACTUALLY know when to show up?

Jolene: We'll basically, here's how scheduling matches work in here. You see this unwashed ipad we have hooked up to the wall? You can use this to start a fight with the person in a higher ranking than you. The match starts up almost instantly. You can also check your rankings as you please so you know who you will be up against.

Mario: But thats still is a shitty business idea. What would be smart is if you take out the touch screen bullshit, and set up schedules for specific details on when matches will happen so spectators can actually be prepared to ride a fucking blimp, and watch games with their favorite fighters.

Jolene: Well... let me explain... *sigh* No... your actually right... that would be a smarter idea. Usually the demographic of people that watch Gloryhole Games just come here for the tourism and to see random shows. Sometimes we'll cram 5 shows into 20 minutes, or people have to wait 6 hours for a match to start. To be honest, it's kind of crazy. Maybe it would make sense if we set up a schedule instead. Maybe it would make more money if we made a website where we promote upcoming events in advance. Man... no wonder why we've been losing money. Honestly, we might not be able to afford fossil fuels soon. I try explaining this to Grubba, but he doesn't listen to me. Why am I even an intern of his anway if he doesn't even need me ... I'm sorry. This is unorganized behavior of mine. Im not used to getting touched inappropriately. Well.. Just pretend none of you ever heard that and just reserve your match on the touch pad.

Mario: Welp. At least we'll get the star- I MEAN... belt quicker this way.

Jolene walked Mario through the touch pad instructions by simply just pushing the button "Reserve a Match"

Goombella: It would make much more sense if it said "Start a Match"

The Touch pad streamed Grubba like a perverted webcam chat.

Grubba: Howdy partner! Ready to get yer fists dirty? And I don't mean the kind of "fisting" you might be thinking of. I mean, beating the ever loving crap out some 2-timing fuck nuggets! For your 1st match, we'll put you up against them ol' Goomba Brahz. Their weak as fuck so this will be a perfect start to your fightin' career I tell you what!

Mario: Where's your pants?

Grubba: Ever nail a filthy hooker in record cocaine speed? I bet you haven't! OOOOOOOOOOHHHH! Anyway, I'll get your fight started! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Mario shut off the camera.

Mario: That guy is annoying.

Jolene: Well now that you have your battle "reserved" it will be set up at... well... now actually. How this works is that if you forfeit, get knocked out, or killed, you lose the match. So in order to win, you have to be stronger than them?

Mario: Again. Stop explaining how fighting works like were fucking 5.

Flurrie: Will there be scripts for us to rehearse?

Jolene: No. The internet articles are wrong. Our fights actually are not stages. People actually have gotten killed in the Gloryhole occasionally. And those who kill get punished for it.

Goombella: Wait, so people actually die in these matches? Isn't that against the contract?

Jolene: If you payed attention to what you were reading in the contract, you all would know that you signed your lives away. Anyway, a security guard will stop by to escort you to the big door to the arena... So yeah... Have fun.

Jolene took off to continue doiing boring paperwork no 1 else would want to do.

Koops: Damn guys! Shes got a nice booty walkin out right guys!

Flurrie: I agree.

Mario: Oh really? I wasn't really looking.

Goombella: Ugg... You people and your obsession with asses. Its gross. Every1 knows that any1 with an ass fetish secretly has a shit fetish as well.

Mario: I feel like most people just like the shapes and perportunes. Although I do fall under that shit category since you know how I knew of Flurrie from last chapture.

Flurrie: Yeah! Shits my specialty.

Mario: Yeah it is... Great... So we really are gonna have to Rocky Balboa my way through this shit do we-

Koops: Ah Sheeeit! You know what they say, ship shap aint no blip blap.

Mario: You do know you'll never become a real rapper right? Any stranger that hears your garbage, will hate you. Permanently. You will be so infamous to the point to where you will wanna actually kill yourself.

Koops: Youz bein a hater alligator!

Mario: YOU DIE!

Mario pulled out his hammer about to smash Koops and bust his lip open when suddenly, a clone of a Securitim opened the door addressing Mario and his crew.

Securitim: Are you all ready to start your match?

Goombella: Hold on! I thought you died.

Securitim: Well incase you haven't noticed from walking through the hallways, we're are clones of eachother.

Koops: Yo! I got a question now. Wh-

Securitim: Just get your asses in the Glory Hole for some action.

Flurrie: OH JOY!

The Securitim walked Team M I mean... in this context, The Great Gonzales to the doors where they will be fighting and shit. Even though Great Gonzales applies to Mario, its an implied team name since the other 3 partners appear to be under the name of Great Gonzales. Which is kind of shitty. Meanwhile, Grubba was doing his announcing shit to prep up the inebriated fans in the Gloryhole as the room reeked of vaporized Miller Lite Sweat.

Grubba: LADIES AND GERMS AND BALD HEADED SPERMS! PREPARE FOR A FIGHT BETWEEN OUR SHITTIEST FIGHTERS UP AGAINST OUR RECENT SURPRISE NEWCOMERS WITHIN THE LAST 5 MINUTES! GIVE IT UP FOR SOME OF OUR MOST PERVERTED PATHETIC FIGHTERS IN THE ENTIRE LEAGUE; THE GOOMBA BRAHZ!

Y'all ready for this from Space Jam Started blasting while the audience booed the hell out of the Goomba Brahz. As the 5 Goomba's walked on stage, the 1st 1 tried twirling his penises around, the 2nd 1 was shaking his ass, the 3rd 1 made out with a random audience member, the 4th 1 was doing an intense rape face for the camera, and the 5th 1 pissed himself erratically. They all basically did perverted pre showboating maneuvers that only Goombas are capable of performing.

Grubba: Howdy Goomba Brahz! You think this will be the match that saves your careers? Or will it be the continuation of you guys maintaining the title of the biggest losers of the Gloryhole!?

Goomblake (Age 36): Are you kidding? This new opponent? He sounds like a joke.

Goombarry (Age 30): We'll kick his ass cause we're provoked!

Goombruce (Age 34): We'll tie him up sexually and make him choke.

Goombitch (Age 38): Then rape his ded body with just a few pokes!

Goombastard (Age 40): Then we'll celebrate with some lines of coke!

Grubba: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT SOME RHYMERS IN THIS TOWN! CAN THIS QUINTET OF POETS HANDLE THE POWERFUL THRUSTS OF OUR NEW CONTESTANTS!? LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR, THE GREAT GONZALES!i!i!i!i!

Ain't Talkin' Bout Love by Van Halen Started Blasting pumping up the crowd with drunk roars and spit and retards falling off the seating balconies in random excitement. The fat painted Mexican fans some how had signs prepared for the Great Gonzales in sheer coincidence that there was gonna be a sudden group of fighters under that name. They were cheering very loudly like the newcomers were these known veteran fighters or some shit. Mario and his deranged friends walked up on stage weirded out by the baffling crowd.

Mario: Great. Half of them think i'm a fucking spik, and the other half of them are my retarded Mario fans... I don't know which 1s are worse.

Grubba: We have a hot-diggedy-DEMON, fight tonight fans! So tell us Mr. Gonzales, how do you think this fight is going to turn out!?

Mario: What?... THEY'RE 5 FUCKING GENERIC GOOMBAS for fuck sakes! Are you fucking serious!? I murder-fucked a fucking dragon for fuck sakes! Its an insult to even be on stage with them in the 1st place.

Flurrie: Look at all of these lovely people! This is sure the biggest audience I Flurrie, have ever received.

Goombella: Great. More raping rhyming Goombas. I'm still sick from the last goomba gang we dealt with back in 1 - 8. No wonder why we're 1 of the most hated species.

Mario: I like how you're a female Goomba and your power level is like, 50 somehow, and there's is gonna be like, fucking 5 or something.

Goombella: Very true. Wait, what does the female part have to do wit-

Goomblake: HEY! FUCK YOU, YOU ASS FUCKER!

Goomblake head bonked on Mario starting the 1 match of this saga finally.

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 40/63 (From Gus)

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 52/56 (From the Nibbles)

Flurrie: Power Level 30

FP: 1/10

V.S.

Goomblake: Power Level 3

Goombarry: Power Level 3

Goombruce: Power Level 3

Goombitch: Power Level 3

Goombastard: Power Level 3

A big monitor appeared out of no where showing the power levels of every1. This giant scouter will appear in the background in just about every Glory Hole fight.

Battle Music: Get into My Car by Billy Ocean

Mario countered the rude sneak attack before the game started: [-1 Damage]

Mario: HA! THESE GUYS ARE EVEN WEAKER THAN I THOUGHT!

Goomblake: I will still fuck your ass in the town of Glitz.

Goombarry: We like to screw babies while we give no Shitz!

Goombruce: Let's bury them in our asses without any Fitz.

Goombitch: Maybe we'll cut them up only saving their titz!

Goombastard: And I hope their vadgellys come with clitz!

Koops: Damn! Look at them rhymes! Maybe I otta do a little rap I've been thinkin of for some of them shotties to show em' what we're all about!

Mario: I will kill you in front of all of these people if you do that.

Koops: Watch this! Lookout Goomba G's we got a real G, you can't beat us cause you aint real Gs!

Mario: YOU CAN'T RAP FOR SHIT!

Mario got frustrated with Koops so he kicked him causing him to accidentally perform a Power Shell directly at the raping rhyming goombas without using any FP somehow. They all blasted off to random parts of the stage like bowling pins. That is how bowling works right? 2 of them got smashed on the walls, 1 Goomba got stabbed by a random sharp object sticking out of the wall. A kid tried to catch 1 of them like a foul ball but instead raised his arm too high up, and the projectiling Goomba broke his nose, and the last 1 landed in Homer Simpson's mouth causing him to swallow him whole.

Homer (Age 40): Mmmmm... Raping Rhyming Goombas...

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: LOOKS LIKE THE WINNER IS; THE GREAT GONZALES!

Grubba: So lets talk for a second! What are your thoughts of tonight's victory?

Mario: IT WAS FUCKING STUPID! THE REST OF THEM SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES FOR BEING THAT SHITTY OF FIGHTERS!

Audiance: YAAAAAAAAAAAAA! THEY SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES!

Grubba: I LIKE YOUR FIERY ATTITUDE! Also, as a newcomer, why don't you enlighten the fans why you're fighting in this here floating island!?

Mario: hhmmm...They probably wouldn't understand if I told the truth. It might even make some people suspicious for all I know... hmm... I got it!

Mario grabbed the microphone from Grubba in the sheer peak of ecstasy.

Mario: BECAUSE I'M HORNY!

Goombella facepalmed by slamming her face on the floor.

The audience started to cheer even harder like a bunch of drunks at the NFL puking bubbly fluid like beer vile all over the place!

Goombella: Fucking retards.

Grubba:THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS! BECAUSE THE MAN IS HORNY! HOO WIDDLY! GIVE YOUR ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOLKS! THE GREAT GONZALES!

Audiance: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The most retarded audience in the world started chanting G.G. for... Great Gonzales. No... more like... GOOD GOD!

Audiance: GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG!

Koops: YEI! WE WON! Now's my chance to rap for the crowd! Yei! Yai! My Name is Koops and I like to shoot hoops, I'm not far from here cause I come from Petalburg, kids always beat me up cause I didn't have a dad! Now I have a dad cause he was in a dragon's stomach but we let him go... NOOOO! I forgot to rhyme with petalburg awhile ago!

Every1 booed Koops and started throwing trash, and food. Some of them evan went as far as biting off their own fingers so they can throw them at the dumb Koopa.

Koops: Ooww! Ooo! Hey! Ow! Stop! OW! NO! MAN! AHH!

Mario: I told you that would happen stupid.

Chapture 4 - 11: Some Stupid Battles!

Grubba and Jolene walked the team back into the shady locker room from whence they cammeth.

Grubba: Well job well done boys! Vantastic match! Talk about whooping some ass in the 1st round huh.

Mario: That round was a lame piece of shit! What drugs were you on when you hired those lame asses!? Seriously!

Grubba: Ever hear of speed ballin sunnay? You and I otta try 1 some time. But to my next point, next fight, I want you to make it last longer. Give that crowd i'm ripping off their money's worth!

Goombella: I have a question similar to the 1 my "friend" Koops brought up a few times. How do you guys make money from blimp tickets when they are impossible to find?

Grubba: MMmm... I think don't have time for questions from a woman. Great now I'm angry. Another question from you, and I'll have you thrown off Glitzville!

Grubba: Jolene! Give these rookie's their victory earnings so I can get back to my job in my angry office!

Grubba slammed the door in the epitome of his IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome) causing bigger cracks in the walls than he meant for.

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 19.

Jolene handed Mario 3 coins.

Mario: Wow! This is the 1st time I've ever received money from a woman in my life! I usually have to pay 50 coins for a good time with 1 if you know what I mean?

Jolene: Ok. Have a good day.

Jolene walked back as well.

Jolene: I have a bad feeling about these newcomers... They seem sick. Sick in the head.

Koops: K is for Kool, O is for O.G, O is also for O.G., P is for playah, and S is for Slick! What's my name!?

Mario: For god sakes Koops! Will you fucking stop this pathetic rap phase of yours already!? It's turned you into more a deranged retard than you already were!

Koops: Come on! Your mind is full of fog! It's just me keeping it real dawg!

Mario: No! Nuh Uh! Ever since we met that MCAsswiggerfuckshit, you some how got this dumb ass idea that you can be just like him! Which is a pretty abysmal standard to begin with. Because of him, you decided to get this idea that you are some kind of annoying black rapper! Your not black! You'r! a fucking! Koopa!

Goombella: Uhh… are you sure you're not racist Mario?

Koops: I think mah rap was pretty fly though. That crowd was givin' me food I was so good!

Mario slammed Koops up against the wall making a loud uncomfortable slamming sound.

Mario: THEY WERE BOOING YOU! YOU KILLED MY THUNDER YOU FUCKING RETARD! Besides, You have absolutely no rhythm! No idea what the fuck you're talking about, and It's hard to even tell that you were trying to fucking rap!

Goombella: Well Mario. That "Cause Im horny" thing you said was pretty stupid too you know.

Mario: I HAD TO IMPROVISE! At least the crowd was cheering when I said my thing!

Goombella: You could have at least have said something like, "I want that champion's belt!" Or even, "I want to be champion!" I don't fucking know. I don't watch these wrestling things.

Mario: At least we don't have to wear fucking Mexican Wrestling masks.

King K (Age 28): Ay yo! Are youz the new 4 chumps I've been hearing all about just now!? Which 1 of you is that Great G or what everz?

A Koopa with a golden shell wearing Dai Gurren Shades with a 1950's John Travolta worshipping personality walked up to the team of tards.

Mario: Yes its me. If you're trying to ass-mate me, I'm not interested. Infact, if you try anything, I'll actually kill you.

King K: King K's mah name, wrestling's mah game! I don't got much of a story to tell yuh. I'm just a low ranked fighter just like you.

Mario: Your name is an obvious King K Rool reference and it sickens me.

Koops: Heh. WOW! You got a cool ass name yo momma gave you G!

King K: Nah. King K just mah nickname up in town. But my real name is Lawrence. Forget you heard that though. I don't want no chumps knowin that about me.

Goombella: You smell weird.

Flurrie: He smells like ded cats! My favorite. I 1ce used some in a film of mine.

Goombella: I REALLY don't care to know.

King K: So let me getcha affiliated with da rest of these buds in this here locker room!

King K: This Bad Ass Bob-omb over here goes by "Master Crash!" He's crazy!

Master Crash (Age 26): HI! HOW THE BOMBING BOMB ARE YOU!? IM MASTER CRASH! BUT YOU ALREADY BOMBING KNOW THAT! DONT TRY TO CHALLENGE ME OR I'LL BOMB YOU UP BY BOMBING YOUR BOMBING BOMB! O. .G.! JK! BOOOOOOMMMMMBBBBBBBB! I CAN BOMBING TELL YOU'RE GOING TO DO BOMBING GREAT! YOUR GONNA BEAT THE BOMB OUT OF LOTS OF THESE BOMB FACES! BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB

Master Crash continued this BOMB thing for awhile

Koops: Yo! Is he gonna blow up and shit?

King K: Nah, He's just off his meds as always. Plus he does tons of crack to compensate!

Goombella: Wait, you're allowed to do that?

King K: Yei sweetheart. You look like the kind of girl Id write a song for.

Goombella: Please don't or I'll kill you where you stand.

King K: Uhh... I'm getting off track! This over here be Bandy Andy. The bandit!

Bandy Andy (Ae 24): Yo yo yo! Whazzup crackaz!? I'm Bandy Andy up in this crib! You got a problem with that? We can duke it right now nigga!

Mario: God Damnit! Just what I needed. Another retarded wigger.

Koops: Yo yo yo! Sup sup sup sup SUP G! I liken you styzzle! It gootchie!

Bandy Andy: Man, shut da fuck up! Youz aint good enough to even be a real wigger biatch!

Bandy Andy ripped off Koops' band aid and spat on his scab.

Koops: Hey! Give dat back!

Koops grabbed the band aid froM Bandy's hand.

Koops: Great! Now I need to use the damn bathroom to get rid of them germs by peeling off my scab!

Bandy Andy: Good luck biatch. That bitch ass block has been here before I even joined this shit! That's why this room be coated in dooky and shit!

Flurrie: Just the way I love it!

King K: Oh ya! And lets not forgot Cleftor! He aint no ordinary Green Rock Bald Cleft thing. He is a Punk Rocker if you know what I mean!

Cleftor (Age 33): Whats up! I'm in a band! We play punk and were really fucking good man! We sing songs about how our fashion style beats all others and how much we wanna kill those poser retards for conforming and not being true punx like us! We also like to fuck their gfs ironically!

King K: That doesn't sound like something punk rockers would say.

Cleftor: Well guess what!? Punk HAS NO label to it! Unless I don't approve!

King K: Whatevs... That guy doesn't know shit. So there you have it! Thats like, all of the minor leaguers of the red team. The other half is in the blue team on the other side. Any1 you don't meet here, assume they're on the blue team cause you'd be right! You remember those Goombas you fought recently right? Ya. You know what I'm sayin.

Mario: I guess. I'm gonna go take a shit. Wheres the bathroom?

King K: Just pick any corner. No 1 cares.

Goombella: I do. I've been trying not to puke every time I've been in here... Ah fuck it! BLEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Goombella puked all over the floor.

Cleftor: Whoa! That was so hard core!

Bandy Andy: Floor skating!

Bandy Andy tried ice skating on the puke but slipped on it and fell instead face 1st into a wall!

Bandy Andy: Ooowww...

Flurrie: I Flurrie, must lick it up before some1 else slips on it again!

Goombella: Good god Flurrie! Thats disgust- BLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Goombella puked all over Flurrie. Flurrie proceeded this by licking the puke off of her face.

Koops: I'm back from picking my scab! And I gotta say, all yallz got some cool ass nicknames! Makes me wanna give myself a stage name. I know! From now on, I will be, Koop-C-REEL! It's also gon' be mah RAP name too!

Mario threw his turd at Koops' face.

Koops: OW!

Mario: HA! Now you reek as bad as your new rap name!

King K: Holy smokes guys! You know what that means!? SHIT PARTAY!

Master Crash: BOMB YEAH!

And so, every1 except for Goombella started loling and throwing old ass fecal matter at each other like retards in a 90s commercial on Cartoon Network where they have a food fight in the cafeteria. Shit was literally flying everywhere splattering on the walls and at each other's clothes and faces. They started puking in the celebration of excitement and foul odor. They even balled up their puke like snow balls and threw it at eachother like snowballs. Flurrie intentionally kept getting hit by the projectile wads of puke, and fecal matter! Sometimes, she would even go as far as to catching the bottley fluids in her mouth like a doggy catching a frisbee in it's mouth. If there was a GG Allin 1st person shooter game, this would basically be it.

Flurrie: SOME1 GET A CAMERA! I WANNA USE THIS FOR MY INDIE PORN!

Goombella: This has to stop, NOW!

Goombella walked up to the touch pad so she can reserve a match. The touch screen featured the face of Grubba.

Grubba: Oh howdy Gonzales! Wait. You're that annoying woman Goomba. *Sigh* You know, as much as I agree with the statement that women belong in the kitchen, I think they really belong in the bedroom suckin my cock! Hey wait! Are they having another shit and puke throwing partay!? Hoo wee! That sounds exciting I tell yuh!

Goombella: WILL YOU JUST RESERVE OUR FUCKING MATCH SO I CAN GET OUT OF HERE!?

Grubba: Right right. Let The man himself know that he's up against rank 18! The Kid Punching Koopas! A Securitim will came getchall reeeeeeal soon darlin'!

King K: The Kid Punching Koopas are up!? Wait! Time out!

Every1 paused like they were affected by some kind of pause button on a remote in the background.

Mario: Who the hell are those jodes!?

King K: My crew's at rank 18! Which means our crew is up against your's! Knarly! Also, don't call us jodes. Thats offensive among our parts.

Mario: What ever. I'll kick you and your retarded crew's buttholes!

King K: Not before I kick your Keisters!

Securitim opened the door.

Securitim: Alright! Are both team's ready to duke it out in the ring?

King K: You're darn skippy!

Mario: Alright! Koops. I want you to stay back for this 1.

Koops: Buy whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Mario: Well. Your an embarrassment on stage, plus I especially can't stand you while you under your hypnotic rap spell.

Koops: Aww damn...

Mario: Besides, you can make some new shitty friends right here in the shitty locker room.

Flurrie: I'm staying back too! I wanna see if I can make a snowman out of all this shit! Then I'm gonna have lesbian sex with it!

Mario: Thats fine. Alright. So looks like its just Goombella and I stepping in.

Goombella: Sweet! It'll be just like old times!

Mario: Yeah. By old times, you mean almost a week ago.

Goombella: Oh yeah. Feels longer from the reader's perspective.

1ce again, the crowd went very literally wild. Slamming their faces into each other and spitting out wads of hot dog meat.

Grubba: DJENTS AND WENCHES! GOYZ AND GALZ! TO MY LEFT, WE HAVE THE BLITZKRIEG BOPPING SHELL MACHINES OF DETH... THE BOYS THAT STEAL YOUR LUNCH MONEY! FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE KID PUNCHING KOOPAS!

You Ain't Nothing But a Hound Dog by Elvis Presley started roaring to emphasize what the Kid Punching Koopas all about as King K and 2 others in his crew were walking up on stage while mimicking some of Johnny Bravo's moves to show off how good they are. Mama June in the background threw her panties at 1 of them. Don't ask me what kind of blimp it took to lift her to Glitzville. It's just majic!

Grubba: AND TO MY RIGHT! WE HAVE THE MERCILESS MURDER-FUCKING MACHINES! THE HAVOK OF THE HOLOCAUST! PUT YOUR HAND TOGETHER, FOR THE GREAT GONZALES!

Ain't Talkin' Bout Love by Van Halen Started Blasting as Mario and Goombella casually walked out the door still unamused by the obnoxious screamings from the audience. Courtney Love in the background flashed Mario her tits.

Mario: Oh god BLEEEEERRRGGG!

Random Audience member: Look! Mario I mean, the Great Gonzales just puked! I'm so snapchatting this!

Mario: Alright King K. By the end of this fight, I'm gonna rename you to King Faggot!

Audience: WWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Goombella: Mario... Your stage bander is getting worse.

Mario: It doesn't matter. If you've been paying attention to the audience, you'd know that they're fucking retarded!

King K: Ay Daddy-O! You better keep your stupid comments in your pocket before we force them down there!

Mario: That successfully made no sense!

KP Koopa: Ay! After this, whatiya say we hop on down to the 1950's diner and fist a juke box till it starts to blast some Jerry Lee Lewis!

King K: Sounds like a plan little man!

Mario: SOME1 BAN THESE GUYS FROM TALKING!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 40/63

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Absent

Flurrie: Absent

FP: 1/10

V.S.

King K: Power Level 12

KP Koopa: Power Level 12

KP Paratroopa: Power Level 12

Battle Music: I walk the Line by Johnny Cash

[TURN 1]

Mario: Tattle that shit Goombella!

Goombella: RIGHT!

Goombella uses tattle on KP ParaTroopa: This is KP Paratroopa. It's basically exactly identical to the Paratroopa from that 50's gang we delt with 2 chaptures ago. The only difference is that they dye their shells yellow to make it look gold. I shit you not. That's the only difference. Even the stats are the exact same too.

Mario: K.

Mario uses the last of his FP by using a charge power up to briefly boost his power level to 56/88.

King K: I'll show you for being OP!

King K uses shell slam at Goombella: [2 Damage]

Goombella: Ow Bitch!

KP Koopa uses shell Slam on Goombella but counters by kicking it to the ceiling: [-1 Damage]

KP Paratroopa uses shell strike on Mario: [2 Damage]

[TURN 2]

Goombella Tattles King K. I think she's a little overly obsessed with tattling: This is a KP Koopa. Theres nothing new or extravagant about them I can inform you on that isn't a total waste of time!

Mario: Then why are you tattling them?

Goombella: SHUT UP!

Mario uses a charged up double jump on KP Paratroopa knocking him out and breaking his shell causing him to become a naked Koopa Kill la Kill style: [6 Damage]

Since King K only has 1 attack, he uses shell slam again making it predictable enough for Goombella to counter it with her Helmet: [-1 Damage]

The other KP Koopa did the same with the same result: [-1 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses double helmet bonk on KP Koopa also knocking him and blasting his shell: [3 Damage]

Mario: HEY KING K! LETS SEE IF YOU LIKE INTERNAL BLEEDING!

Finally, Mario performed a double jump that also shattered King K's shell. Sadly, a few shell shards got caught in the Koopa's skin and organs causing some pretty bad internal bleeding as the borderline psychopath of a retired plumber predicted: [3 Damage]

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: The winner is! THE GREEEEEEEEAT ZONGELES! I MEAN GONZALESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!1

KP Koopa: I NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION!

Mario: YEAH YOU DO BITCH! HA WE WON YOU FUCKING RETARD!

Audiance: YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The audience cheered like buffoons while we're hanging on random parts of the ceiling like monkeys.

Mexican Audience: GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES!

Goombella: *Sigh* Where is natural selection when you need it?

Grubba: NOW LET'S CUT TO COMMERCIAL BREAK!

[COMMERCIAL MODE]

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[END OF COMMERCIAL]

Back to the shit smeared locker room!

Jolene walked Mario and Goombella back to the locker room with a clothespin over her nose.

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 18.

Mario: Im pretty sure fights here make much more than just 4 coins.

Jolene: Well if you keep it up, your allowance will increase.

Mario: Allowance? Well that's a bitchy way to say it. What are you? Some fucking parent?

Jolene: ... I can have you written up for talking to me like that. Anyhow, I will see you later.

Mario: Yes Maam…

As Jolene closed the messy door, Mario flipped her off behind her back.

Mario: What now bitch?

Goombella: Mario... Please just behave for like, 5 seconds.

Mario: Fuck that shit. Have I ever before!?

Koops: Oh hi Mario! I missed Yo ass!

Master Crash: MARIO! I HEARD ABOUT THAT BOMBING MATCH YOU WON WITH THAT PIECE OF BOMB KING BOMBING K! THAT WAS PRETTY BOMBING SICK HOW YOU SMASHED HIS SHELL INTO HIS SKIN AND BOMB!

Bandy Andy: Yeah! Way to fuck his ass us G.G.! All the way to the hospital nigga!

Cleftor: Of course you know he's the weakest among all of us right?

Master Crash: YEAH! TRY BOMBING DOING THAT TO BOMBING US! I BET YOU'LL LOSE! I BET YOU'LL LOSE! I BET YOU'LL LOSE! BOMB BOMB BOMBBOMB BOMB BOMBBOMB BOMB BOMBBOMB BOMB BOMBBOMB BOMB BOMBBOMB BOMB BOMB!

Mario: Well I'll let you all find that out the hard way in a matter of pages. So how was baby sitting Koops and Flurrie while we were gone?

Koops: IM KOOP-C-REEL NOW! Also, Bandy was tryin to teetch my yellow ass how to RAP!

Bandy Andy: Yeah... He ain't learnin' nothin' man. He has no idea what he's doing. It's sad cause normally, you actually have to try to be that bad at rap and he's the worst I've ever seen. You've seen Krispy Kreme right? Now his ass is joking when he raps. Koops is serious and he's 10 more terrible than his ass. Hes gonna make me get a stroke he's so lame nigga. I kept asking him "YOU AUTISTIC SON!?"

Cleftor: Thats why PUNK IS BETTER!

Mario: Yeah... He's pretty nauseating to be around. Especially like this. So what about the other retard. Flurrie?

Master Crash: FLURRIES BEEN BOMBING THE BOMB OUT OF HER BOMB SCULPTURE! TAKE A LOOK!

Flurrie was seen making out while raping a pile of fecal waste that used to be a self-sculpture of herself out of shit.

Goombella: Flurrie, I think those massive tits of yours have sucked all of blood out of your brain.

Mario: Hmm... I kind of wanna fight again.

Goombella: Already? But we just did 2 not too long ago.

Mario: Yeah, 1ce I start the blood lust, I can't stop. Besides, the sooner we get the belt, the better right?

Goombella: True. Its amazing that we can request matches this early and easily.

Mario: Yeah. Good thing Grubba's retarded and has it set up that way.

Mario stepped on up to the touch screen with all kinds of stains on it.

Grubba: Howdy again Gonzales! Good to see you wanting to fight so soon.

Grubba: Lets see. Clearly you've been on a winning streak so lets see... How about I put you up against rank 17! Thats right! You'r ass is gonna be up against The Pokey 3 Somes! Get it!? Cause there's 3 of em'! Just don't try poking it to them or you'll get a couple of wearin tearin splinters if yuh know what I mean. Now I got a challenge for you. I don't want you to use any partner switchin on me! Despite the fact you never have before! I wanna see 2 warriors fight to the end! Gets that blood going in the audience, know what I'm sayin!? Anyway, enough from me, I'll page a Securitim to come back to your locker room and get another surprise match started! Now I gotta do I line of coke before I do some announcing shit so I'll see ya later!

Mario:How the hell does not switching the partners get the blood going? This guy has some major issues! This is coming from me by the way!

Goombella: But wait! Hold on a sec, Pokeys!? You mean those yellow cactus things with the weird faces!? I can't fight those things!

Mario: Wait, yeah you can. All you have to do is headbonk them.

Goombella: That will hurt me.

Mario: Yeah, but you're wearing a helmet.

Goombella: For some reason, I'll still get hurt cause the gameplay doesn't pay attention to some obvious details!

Mario: Alright fine! Koops. You're coming with!

Koops: Ah hell yeah!

Goombella: Wait! But I gotta do my tattling! How am I gonna do that if we can't switch!? Either I get the tattle while being useless in a fight, or Koops fights and we get no tattle!?

Mario: Is your tattling thing really that much of an OCD thing!?

Goombella: No! It's just important to me jack ass! There's a difference!

Mario: For fuck sakes! Fine! I got an idea. But this is going to dip in deep into our few free passes on how many times we can break the 4th wall to this severity.

Mario pulled down his pants and farted out a portal through the 4th wall.

Mario: Be right back.

Mario stepped into Miyamoto's office.

Mario: Hey Miyamoto, from now on, can we make a thing where Goombella can actually do her tattles off stage? That way, we can showcase more partner's while not wasting a turn for switching.

Shigeru Miyamoto (Age 62): Hai.

Mario walked back into the portal taking him back to the Glitzville locker room.

Mario: Alright I'm back. Good news. Miyamoto said Goombella can do tattles off stage so now we don't have to break that rule for some stupid tattle log.

Goombella: Thank you Mario!

Mario: Its whatevs… We need to be careful with how many chances we can get to do something like that.

Securitim: Your match awaits!

Mario: Yes! Yes it is!

Meanwhile, at the ring, the same kind of audience stuck around for the absurd fight! There were doing a lame ass chant where they were yelling but weren't saying any words. But 1st, we have to wait for some fat fuck named Grubba to do his obnoxious announcement!

Grubba: ALRIGHT FOLKS! IT IS TIME FOR ANOTHER GLITZ, IN THE GLORY HOLE! TO MY LEFT, WE HAVE! THE POKES THAT MAKE THE LADIES CHOKE! GIVE IT UP FOR, THE POKEY 3 SOME!

Opening Theme: Sweet Leaf by Black Sabbath

The stoned Pokey 3 Some strolled on stage while carelessly bumping into the many faces of fans. believe it or not, people were trying to give them high fives and pat them on their back for good luck. Instead, it just fucked up their hands. Have you ever seen YouTube videos about cactus dares? Yeah... Dont try that. Also, 1 had a joint in their mouth, 1 had a blunt, and 1 had a tobacco pipe used for it's common purpose.

Grubba: RETURNING YET AGAIN AS IF WE DIDN'T SEE THEM FIGHT 2 MINUTES AGO, THE SOCIOPATH HIMSELF, THE GREAT GONZALES... and his crew...

Ain't Talkin' Bout Love by Van Halen started blasting in the background as Kirk Johnson in the background among the audience decided to do what he's famous for in front of the Great G. Don't know what that thing is? Look up "Goatse" and find out. Mario saw it in the background

Mario: OH COME ON!

Pokey 1 (Age 19): Whoa man... look at all those people cheering for up- I mean,,, us duuuuuuuuude...

Pokey 2 (Age 17): Yeah man. There like, gonna watch them stab their asses with our sharp skin bro. Go ahead... Touch usssssss... It won't hurrrrrrrrrrrrt...too muchhhhh... HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! *snort* *snort* HHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Pokey 3 (Age 21): Were soooooooooo baked right now, ehehehehehehehehe were gonna beat them ninja style cause like, since were so high, we have like, deeper access to our subconsciousness so thats gonna make us … I don't know.. stronger.

The audience rooting for the Pokey 3 Some started to receive their contact high.

Mario grabbed the microphone with the wrestling god complex he might or might not be developing.

Mario: Oh yeah? Well when I kick your asses, I'm gonna smoke all of your weed in front of you! Thats right! It'll be like im cucking you with your own weed!

Pokey 1: Hey! Do you like, know how hard it was to rob our 13 year old drug dealer for our dank ass dope!? Now prepare to go Up In Smoke! Get it? Like the movie!?

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 35/63

Goombella: Power Level 45/50

Koops: Power Level 52/56

Flurrie: Off doing something sick

FP: 0/10

V.S.

Pokey 1: Power Level 10

Pokey 2: Power Level 10

Pokey 3: Power Level 10

Battle Music: Dopesmoker by Sleep.

[TURN 1]

Pokey 2: We're gonna send you back to the stone age!

Pokey 3: Yeah! More like, the stoned age! Hehehehehe.

Koops: Ah sheeit Mario. I'm wishin we would have smoked some bud before fighting! That way, we can put up a decent match by using our ninja skills.

Mario: Okay, 1. They're even weaker than the Kid Punching Koopas, 2. They're retarded, 3. They're high, so they're not gonna fight well. They probably think they will acquire ninja skills, but they won't. They don't even have arms or legs!

Koops: But we fight pretty good high!

Mario: That's cause we don't apply to number 1 or 3. 2 is a little debatable but I'd like to think we isn't stupid.

Koops: Oh. For shizzle my nizzle in the rizzle fo bizzle.

Pokey 1: Alright team! like, lets do this for the vibes man!

Pokey 2 and 3: FOR THE VIBES MAN!

Mario: Alright Goombella. Do your dumb tattle shit.

Goombella uses tattle on 1 of the Pokey's: These are Pokey's I know you know what they are cause I played your Super Mario World game when I was 7. Yeah. So, I'm assuming you have the common sense not to touch a fucking cactus right? I mean. They have spikes stupid!

Mario: I like how you're insulting me before I even did anything.

Mario uses jump on Pokey but instead, got his foot stabbed through his shoe: [-1 Damage]

Mario: FUCK! MY FOOT'S BLEEDING!

Goombella: I told you.

Mario: I'M WEARING SUPER SHOES! THAT SHOULDN'T PHYSICALLY HAPPEN!

Pokey 2: Haha man! We got you!

Koops: I'll knock their butts off G!

Koops uses shell bowling ball blash on Pokey 1 knocking out 1 of his digits: [3 Damage]

Pokey 1: Oh noez! My digit got knocked off. Its okay! I'll grow another 1 hehehehe! But I think i'm gonna attack cause like... uhh...whoa… where am I?

Pokey 3: Dude. Were fighting man.

Pokey 1: Oh yeah...whoa…... hehe. I like... forgotten.

Pokey 1 slammed into Koops: [2 Damage]

Koops: OW SHIT! SPLINTERS! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!

Koops' arm was bleeding a shit ton.

Pokey 2: Hehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe... Hey bros. Watch this.

Pokey 2 threw 1 of his digits at Mario but some how deflected it with his fists contradicting the damage he received on his foot. back to Pokey 2: [-3 Damage]

Pokey 2: OWW! I hurt brah. What a buzz killer.

Pokey 3 did the same as 2 onto Koops who hid in his shell at just the right millisecond to knock the digit back at the stoned cactus: [-3 Damage]

Pokey 3: OWW! NOT ME 222!

[TURN 2]

Mario: Hey! You guys love weed!?

All Pokeys: YEAH!

Mario: You remember the Up in Smoke reference you guys made to us?

All Pokey: OH YEAH!

Pokey 1: My favorite movie!

Mario: WATCH THIS!

Mario reached into his mysterious invisible inventory where he rolled a joint made out of fireweed. He inhaled and blew fire and burnt all 3 pokeys alive incinerated them alive and shit.

[END OF BATTLE]

Koops: Yei Yo! We won!

The audience cheered for Team... I mean, The Great Gonzales despite him unintentionally pulling off a massacre on stage just now.

Grubba: Holy Crap! Uhhh... You...Wow… you…. actually killed them...like, barbequed them... ... ... Welp, WHAT'S DONE IS DONE! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A WINNER! GIVE IT UP FOR THE REAL MERCILESS EXECUTIONER HIMSELF! THE GREAT GONZALES!

Goombella: Wow... This audience is handling this oddly well.

Audience: GONZALES GONZALES WOO WOO WOO! GONZALES GONZALES *CLAP CLAP CLAP*! GONZALES GONZALES WOO WOO WOO! GONZALES GONZALES *CLAP CLAP CLAP*! GONZALES GONZALES WOO WOO WOO! GONZALES GONZALES *CLAP CLAP CLAP*!

Mario: They better. They're high as fuck from all the contact highs and listening to Sleep during that match.

Goombella: Listening to Sleep?

Mario: You know! The stoner metal we were just listening to during the fight.

Koops: Do they rap!?

Mario: What? No they don't! We were just listening to them. You guys really don't know the band Sleep?

Goombella: They sound strange. Maybe I've just never been a music person.

Mario: Thats the point. It has that trippy vibe you know?

Goombella: My god you're sound stoned.

Back to the depressing locker room again.

Mario: God damnit Jolene! Why the fuck am I getting written up!?

Jolene: You single handedly murdered some of our fighters. You're lucky your not getting charged for murder on account that your recent fanbase actually raising us alot of money. Your also lucky that we can actually report the deth as a battle hazard.

Mario: For fuck sakes! They were lame minor enemies! I'm kind of known for killing those things in Mario levels!

Jolene: You're in a fighting tournament Gonzales! The rules are much different than to what you're used to. If you kill another opponent, I will see to it that you are taken off the roster and are banned from Glitzville permanently. Understood?

Mario: Oh your just mad because I just joined and I'm already making more money than you bitch!

Jolene: Fine. I'll just write you up for that remark too. Anyways. Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 17.

Jolene handed Mario 5 coins.

Mario: I bet these 5 coins are still more than you earn in a month.

Jolene: That's irrelevant. Now I have to get back to work before I allow you to slip and say more things you'll regret. So now I need to find replacements for the Pokey 3 Some thanks to you.

Jolene slammed the door emphasizing her anger dealing towards Mario.

Koops: Yo. Talk about a bitch who gives my head an itch. I be all suddenly less turned on by her ass it was fast G!

Mario: Shut the hell up Koops.

Goombella: Mario. As much as I agree that she is a bitch, she is somewhat right that we probably shouldn't go overboard in our battles like we have been.

Mario: But that's how we've normally delt with battles in the past.

Goombella: We'll we can't kill enemies here. It's gonna get us kicked out and then we're not gonna be able to collect the stars anymore. Plus, its gonna hurt our reputation publically if we keep that up. I'm pretty sure our fights so far are all over YouTube. Seriously, look up "Great Gonzales." You'll see what I mean in the Let's Plays you'll find.

Mario: You watch Let's Plays? Wow. Your time is well spent.

Goombella: Shut up! I just know these things! Thats all...

Cleftor: Dude! I just heard about how you like, literally incinerated the Pokey guys. So hardcore.

Master Crash: WELL YEAH! JOLENE WAS JUST BOMBING AT THE GREAT BOMBING GONZALES ABOUT IT A FEW BOMBING SECONDS AGO!

Cleftor: I'm just saying. I've never seen such dangerous fighters play here in a long time.

Mario: My god you guys are annoying. My buzz has officially been ripped into shreds on top of all of this.

Koops: Yo! Where da Flurrie at!?

Mario: Do you really care enough to ask that?

Flurrie bursted out from 1 of the lockers trying to behave like a fucking child.

Flurrie: BOO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HI MY MARVELOUS MUSTACHED MANLY MARIO! I JUST PENETRATED MY NOSE WITH SO MUCH FINE COCAINE BEYOND THE LUXURIOUS HEAVENS THEMSELVES!

Master Crash: YOU SNORTED ALL OF MY BOMBING COCAINE!? YOU BOMBING BOMB! I BOMBING SAID THAT YOU CAN ONLY SNORT 1 LINE OF COKE! NOT THE WHOLE BOMBING THING! I SHOULD BOMBING KILL YOU WHERE YOU BOMBING STAND!

Master Crash hopped on Flurrie and starting kicking her in the face repetitively despite this not damaging her. He kept aiming for her nose making her bleed alot.

Flurrie: MMM! MMM! MMM! YEAH! YEHA! DON'T STOP! KICKING ME! YOU CAN LICK UP MY BLOOD! AND SPIT IT IN MY EYE!

Cleftor: Hey. Great Gonzales. You're probably wondering where Bandy Andy went off to. You see-

Mario: I don't care. I think i'm just gonna get another match started.

Goombella: I kind of wanna lay off matches for a while. Almost getting kicked out kind of freaked me out. Just make sure you don't murder the opponents this time and you should be fine.

Mario activated the touch pad for technically the 2nd time virtually summoning Grubba.

Grubba: Well howdy again Mr. Gonzales. That last match was quite a controversial clusterfuck I tell you what. But guess what? I'm gonna let that 1 slide this time since every1 still cheered and what not hyuk hyuk hyuk. So any doo, looks like you'll be up against our finest rank 16 in the Glory Hole! The Ded Bone.

Mario: That is the most redundant name I have ever heard since bone's aren't exactly alive in the 1st place.

Koops: I think theyz alive when them in them bodz.

Mario: Go play with yourself somewhere.

Koops: HWOW! OK!

Grubba: You won't have to worry about murdering them by mistake this time SINCE THEY'RE ALREADY DED! You ever heard of Dry Bones? We'll basically, their species goes by the name "Dull Bones."

Goombella: Yeah. We did a tattle on them 1ce.

Grubba: Quiet skank! So basically, for this match, here's what I want. Nothing special! I just want you to wrap up the match in 2 Turns. I gotta date at 2:25 with a 3 boobed prostitute i'm planning on nailing inside a gross sweaty pile of cocaine in my office. I only wish I had 2 cocks so I can fuck both of them cleavage canyons! SO MAKE IT SNAPPY AND WE'LL ALL HAVE A GOOD TIME! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

Mario shut off the touchpad in the middle of Grubba saying Yee-Haa.

Mario: He's still really annoying.

Flurrie: Mario! Let me come with you this match! I Flurrie, wish to return on stage unveiling thy magnificent performance of the ages!

Mario: ... Fine. I guess you'll be my partner this match.

A Securitim showed up in short notice as usual.

Securitim: Your match awaits sir.

Mario: Alright! We're out! Later bitches!

Goombella: Don't do anything stupid that will get you in trouble this time!

Mario: And you try not to get molested by the other fighters in the locker room!

Another battle is soon to commense as Grubba announced the next battle.

Grubba: GUYS AND GIRLS AND THE REST FROM THE WORLD! ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER MATCH DON HERE IN THE GLORY HOLE!?

Audience: YES WE ARE! YES WE ARE! YES WE ARE! YES WE ARE!

Grubba: I LOVE YOUR SYNCHRONIZED CHANT! ANYWAYS, WE'RE RAISING THE DED TONIGHT AS WE UNLEASH SOME UNDED ZOMBIES THAT MAYBE BAD TO THE BONES! LADIES! GIVE UP YOUR VIRGINITIES TO THE DED BONES!

The Song Bad to the Bones by ZZ Top blasted through the speakers as 3 ded bones walked on stage raising their arms forward like zombies for the sake of cheesy stage presence. 1 of the Dry bones threw a bone at a random female in the audience and caught it between her tits. You horny yet?

Grubba: UP AGAINST THESE BAG OF BONES. WE HAVE THE CRAZY KILLING MACHINE FROM THE VERY DEPTHS OF HELL. LETS PIPE UP FOOOOOOOOR THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSs!

Ain't Talkin' Bout Love by Van Halen blasted again as Mario and Flurrie walked through the entry door with drunk ass parents with their fat drunk ass kids with the parents willingly give alcohol to them. 9 fat guys pulled down their pants showing their spirit by exposed their butt cheeks with each cheek having a painted on letter spelling out ( T Y H ) ( E Y ) ( G Y R ) ( E Y A ) ( T Y ) ( G Y O ) ( N Y Z ) ( A Y L ) ( E Y S ). The Y's indicate butt cracks incase it wasn't obvious that I was making the parenthesis look like butts just for you.

Flurrie: Check it out Mario! Oh how I would love to lick off the letters from their butt cheeks for a tasty treat!

Mario: No... No I can't say the same

Dull Bones 1 (Age 694): Boy, do we have a bone to pick with you Gonzales. After the way you massacred us with that POW block back in Hooktail's castle, we are so gonna get revenge on you tonight!

Dull Bones 2 and 3 (Age 274 and 487): YEAH!

Mario: For your information, It's still daylight! Also, I'm gonna make you all regret exiting your mother's cunt by crafting a giant dildo out of your bodies!

Flurrie: Wow! The audience is going wild. This must be some kind of big famous porno we're in huh.

Mario: We're not in a porno you dumbass cock sucker. Were on the Glory Hole!

Flurrie: I still don't understand the difference!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 35/63

Goombella: Probably reading.

Koops: Playing with himself.

Flurrie: Power Level 30/30

FP: 0/10

V.S.

Dull Bones 1: Power Level 3

Dull Bones 2: Power Level 3

Dull Bones 3: Power Level 3

Battle Music: Them Bones by Alice in Chains

Mario: Look at their power levels! How are these guys not ranked down on the bottom? Or at least above the Goomba Brahz?

Mario uses generic jump attack disattaching the bones of the 1st dull

Flurrie used an appeal where she gave a disturbingly sexually offensive wink at everybody. This backfired as they all puked everywhere. At this point. The entire Glory Hole started to smell like a mix of beer, garbage, and puke.

Dull Bones 2 threw a bone at Mario hitting him above the eyeball FFF ouch: [2 Damage]

Dull Bones 2: That was like, bad to the bones brah! Hes like, bleeding and shit.

Mario: ENOUGH BONE PUNS!

Dull Bones 3 tossed 3 bones at Flurrie. She countered by catching all of them in her mouth like a bundle of penises.

[TURN 2]

Flurrie: mmgmbmmm

Mario: Flurrie! Spit out the bones so I can hear you.

Flurrie swallowed the bones.

Flurrie: This fine order of puking is making me feel quite randy in my vaginal area don't you agree?

Mario: Lets just finish off these ass fucks.

Mario annihilated the 2nd Dull Bones with a regular hammer blast: [1 Damage]

Flurrie: Speaking of fucking asses, that just gives me an idea. I'm just so horny I can't stand it! I CAN'T STAND IT!

Flurrie quickly flew towards the remaining Dull Bones with her arms out, eyes closed, and lips puckered.

Flurrie: COME RIGHT HERE AND GET YOUR BEST BONE READY FOR FLURRIE!

Flurrie grabbed Dull Bones 3 as he started freaking out in the grips and massive cleavage of the morbidly disgusting cloud woman thing. She then turned him around, pinned him down on the floors, and get this. She ACTUALLY RAPED him! She raped him on stage! Right in front of everybody. Don't think too hard about the science, she just up and RAPED HIM! Damn! That cocaine she snorted. Must have been pretty strong. Maybe that has something to do with it: [1 Damage]

[END OF BATTLE?]

Mario: God Damnit Flurrie! Its not a fucking porno!

Grubba: Uhhhh... QUICK... TIME TO MAKE THIS LOOK LIKE A TRADITIONAL WRESTLING MATCH SO THERE IS NO RIOT.

Grubba got on the ground and slammed the floor on a countdown like beat.

Grubba: And 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, AND WE HAVE A WINNER! THE MeRCILESS MERCENARY! THE GREAT GONZALES HIMSELF WINS EVERYBODY!1

Dull Bones 3: MOMMY! MOMMYYYYYYYY! I WANT MY MMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPppppp1! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEhehehehehehehehehehEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP-P-p-P-P-PppppPPPP!

Grubba tried standing in front of the continuous rape going on the stage to make it seem less like a rape.

Audiance: YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! WUHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GONZALES ZALES HES OUR MAN! IF HE CAN'T DO IT, NO 1 CAN!

Dull Bones 3: MY GOD IT HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTT! GET HER OFF ME PLEASE!

Grubba: Uhh…. Can we? Can we cut to commercial?

[COMMERCIAL MODE]

Hey? Are you looking for glasses? And not because you have don't have 20 - 20 vision? Well, try out our SHUTTER SHADES! They're the seeming sensation that's sweeping the nation! With these bad boys, you can look like you're wearing blinds that partially cover your eyes! Get them in all kinds of colors! We have blue, white, pink, black, and even, GLOW IN THE DARK! Wear these to sleep, in your shower while you pretend to be Kanye West while you pretend to rap and run for president, hit on some hipster girls in Starbucks where they accuse you for rape just because you asked them how their coffee tastes and look cool as fuck doing it! It's fun! We even sell regular glasses without the lenses so you make having bad vision cool and trendy! Buy these glasses for 14 coins or 40 coins for a pack of 3! You must be 18 or older to call.

[END OF COMMERCIAL]

Back in the depraved locker room,

Jolene: You Mr. Gonzalez need to find a way to control your teammates!

Mario: Its not my fault my team mates are a bunch of obscene retards! You can't penalize me for something they did!

Jolene: Your team mate raped 1 of our fighters! Just be lucky that the audience were way too drunk to notice that they just witnessed a sexual assault. If any media of it gets online, we'll have to tell them that that part was staged. It's a good thing Flurrie made it look like wrestling.

Mario: Jokes on you Jolene! Flurrie is a woman, meaning she has no dick! Therefor, she can't rape men cause they ain't got no dick to do it with! So deal with it!

Jolene: *Sigh* I have no time to deal with this. We need to get the Dull Bones some counseling and we need to hire 10 clean up crews to take care of all the vomit from Flurrie's sick appeal. In the mean time, here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 16.

Jolene handed Mario 5 coins.

Jolene slammed the door but not as hard that time.

Flurrie: Wow... That small brained harlot has no clue who the hell I am. *Sigh* I guess the world is not quite ready for the wonders of Flurrie yet are they...?

Mario smacked Flurrie in the face.

Mario: You fucking fat cow! Now your getting me in trouble too! I actually have to keep you off stage for awhile you're so fucking sick in the head.

Flurrie: I wuv you too and your tenacious tests of testosterone.

Flurrie: But seriously, no 1 nowadays can appreciate a good dramatic stage improv... sad world we live in...

Mario: What?

Flurrie: OH SUCH A SAD WORLD WE LIVE IN! *Starts Crying*

Master Crash: WHOA MAN! I CAN'T BOMBING BELIEVE YOUR PARTNER ACTUALLY GOT AWAY WITH RAPE!

Cleftor: Yeah! Just please, whatever you do, don't put her up against me! Please! I don't wanna end up like that girl Jorge Herrera from the Casualties raped. If only he raped me instead.

Goombella opened the door.

Goombella: Wait what's going on? I just came back from a stress walk.

Mario: Ehh... Not much. Flurrie just raped 1 of the opponents and I got another write up. I'm starting to think Jolene's just full of empty threats cause we seem to still be in the roster some how. Maybe it's because that Bubba guy just likes us.

Goombella: FLURRIE RAPED SOME 1 ON STAGE!?

Mario: It was hetero rape. Meaning Grubba won't be as mad I guess.

Koops: Whoa whazzup shotteez? Im back from playing with myself like you said.

Goombella: Flurrie is a fucking rapist! She raped some1 on stage!

Koops: Dayamn biatch! Dats fickin' dope G!

Mario: Ha. Your reaction is so priceless Goombella.

Goombella: WHY AM I ON A TEAM FULL OF RAPISTS!?

Flurrie: Aww... Thanks Goombella!

Goombella: SHUT UP! DON'T TALK TO ME YOU SICK FUCK!

Mario: Wait, even me? Oh yeah... with the spider costume. Hehe. That was supposed to be a prank though.

Koops: Yo? What about me?

Goombella: I still think you're gonna try to pull off some rapey shit some day. Don't know when. Your what I like to call, a pre-rapist.

Koops: Hell yeah!

King K: Yo Great G!? Howz it hangin?

King K addressed Mario while bandaged up and crippled and in a wheel chair.

Mario: Oh hey? What happened? Did some1 push you down the stairs or something? Hahaha. Just kidding. I was there when it happened. How've you been!?

King K: I'M great actually! I'm just happy I survived your bad ol' beating. Thanks to you killing those Pokey's, I'm back on Rank 18! If you can keep up that killing spree on those fighters and making it look like an accident, that would be most appreciated up in these parts!

Goombella: Wow. You actually seem happy after what Mario did to you. Is everything okay?

King K: I've been on these painkillers that have been brightening up my mood you hear? Its pretty cool I gotta say! Makes me feel like Elvis.

Jolene dragged Bandy Andy back into the locker room.

Bandy Andy: OWW! WHAT THE HELL IS YO PROBLEM WHITE BITCH!?

Jolene: Damnit Bandy! For the last time! That room you keep sneaking off to is FOR EMPLOYEES-ONLY! Can't you read!? You better start obeying our system if you want to remain on our roster.

Bandy Andy: Calm your tits before you bleed even more in dem' pantayz!

Jolene: And don't think i'm not writing you up for following me just to stare at me all day! If I find another video on a porn website of me walking again, I'll have you arrested. Do you understand!?

Bandy Andy: Man fuck you! I shove my big ass dick in your rule book biatch!

Jolene: You're on thin ice!

Bandy Andy: Neei neei neei neeeiiii

Jolene slammed the door off the hinges by mistake.

Jolene: GOD DAMNIT! THAT WAS 1 OF YOUR FAULTS!

King K: Yo Bandy. Man, your just the worst kind of person are you. You know, if you keep ignoring the rules, you're getting kicked off.

Bandy Andy: Man! Fuck her! She a stupid bitch niggra!

Mario: THANK YOU!

Bandy Andy: You see, I just can't stop lookin at her ass G! Its like a magnetical energy the just… pulls me in G! You feel me dawg? Hehe.

Bandy Andy closed his eyes in the glimpse of arousal while he pretended to grab Jolene's ass with his hands.

Koops: Yo! B-Dizzle! You actually got to see her ass!?

Bandy Andy slapped Koops for calling him that.

Bandy Andy: Hell yeah I did! Motha fuckuh, I hid a webcam in her toilet 1ce so I got to see that shit. Too bad she like, made me delete that shit before I got a chance to upload that somewhere! Now whenever I jack off, I can only hod onto them ass memories G! It's painful. But man, seriously, she got a big ass ASS! I can like, eat Cereal off dat ass nigga! I'll buy a spoon and some Cocoa Pebbles for that shit I don't give a FFFFFUCK! IM FROM DA HOOOOOOOOOOOD NIGGAAAAAAAAA!

Bandy Andy got really excited, so he started pelvis thrusting while biting his lip like a fucking loser and pretending to spank a girl at a party.

Goombella: Can you guys stop talking about her ass? Its really weirding me out.

Koops: Oh wait, you mean like this G?

Koops started to impersonate the dim witted wigger as he performed light pelvic thrusts awkwardly.

Bandy Andy: Yei yei. Now you're gettin' it!

Mario: Well since you're in such a pile of shit yourself, maybe I'm safer than I thought from getting kicked off the leagues.

King K: Yeah. No 1 will ever be as regardless towards the rules as Bandy is here!

Mario: Is that a challenge? Your on!

Goombella: Say. I have to ask, why don't you guys never register for matches? And it's not you guys, It doesn't seem like many people do it either.

Cleftor: Sometimes when you've been here long enough, you don't really wanna schedule too many matches. You just do it so you won't get disqualified.

Master Crash: SOMETIMES, ITS HARD TO FEEL MOTIVATED TO FIGHT WHEN YOU'RE JUST A MINOR LEAGUER TO THESE PEOPLE. IT REALLY KILLS YOUR SPIRIT! NOWADAYS, WE JUST LIKE TO MAINTAIN WHAT'S LEFT OUR OUT RANKINGS AND IT SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!

King K: Easy for you to say, your in like, rank 11. I'm only in rank 18. To me, if there's anything more humiliating than last place, its 2nd to last. At least people get a prize for last place.

Mario: Well look on the bright side. Those Ded Boners were weak as hell when we fought them. You can kick their asses no problem when you guys recover.

King K: Thats a good idea! Thanks G!

Master Crash: MAN! I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT FIGHTING THAT BOMBING BOMB HOLE RAWK HAWK! NOT ONLY DID HE SEND ME TO THE HOSPITAL 1CE IN THE GLORYHOLE, BUT HE DID 1 TIME IN THE PARKING LOT WHERE THEY PARK THE BOMBING BLIMP! HE MADE ME LICK THE BOMBING CONCRETE AND I GOT SICK! I HATE HIM I BOMBING HATE HIM!

Bandy Andy: I bet 1 of us can kick his golden feathered chicken ass!

Mario: Yeah. Im gonna do it. Cause i'm fucking Mario. I. Never. Lose.

Goombella: Well that explains your god complex.

Mario: It's true. Since this story started, we always end up kicking the other person's ass. It's really easy. Every1 is weak as fuck so it be no problem. Like King K said, "I'M OP."

King K: Ay You does bring up a good point.

Mario: Well yeah. Now leave me alone so I can reserve a new match.

As Mario tried activating the touchpad, he got really pissed off and kept trying to stab it with his finger not realizing the system was under a maintenance cause of all the puke the cleaning crew needs to clean up in the Glory Hole.

Goombella: Mario! It said its under maintenance several times and that it will re/open in an hour.

Mario: I would have known that if I can just fucking read!

Goombella: Wait. If you can't read, then how come you're able to find out where to push "Reserve a Match"?

Mario: I literally pushed the 1st button I saw. Is it that too hard? ... Crap. What do we do now to kill time?

Cleftor: Wait, crap? As in shit? As in... SHIT PARTAY!?

King K: SHIT PARTAY!

Flurrie: I'M GETTING SOAKING WET AGAIN GUYS!

Later after another compulsive shit partay,

Mario: Man. That was the best shit partay yet. Good job getting me in the eye Bandy. I think I may have gotten pink eye from it! But yeah, I think an hour has past, so I think i'm gonna try registering again.

Goombella: I think I've developed a major tolerance for how many rancid smells I can endure since the series started.

Mario did his touch screen shit where he talked to Grubba.

Grubba was fucking an expensive 3 titted prostitute doggystyle in front of them

Grubba: *pant* *pant* *pant* HOWDY GONZALES *pant* *pant* *pant* DONT *pant* MIND ME *pant* *pant* IM JUST *pant* GETTING *pant* *pant* *pant* MY WEASEL WET *pant* *pant* *pant* BY THIS HERE *pant* *pant* OH YEAH! *pant* 3 *pant* TITTED BITCH!*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Mario: I don't care. I've seen and have been in far weirder porn. Just get to the fucking point!

Grubba: YOUR UP *pant* *pant* AGAINST *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* RANK*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* COME ON *pant* COME ON *pant* 13 *pant* *pant* NO *pant* *pant* 15 *pant* THE SPIKE STORMTROOPERS! *pant* YOUR SO HOT *pant* *pant* OH YEAH! *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* FOR THIS MATCH *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* AH SCREW IT *pant* *pant* *pant* IM GONNA GO FLACCID SOON IF I STOP NOW! *pant* *pant* BLEEEEEERG! *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* ILL PAGE *pant* FOR A SECURITIM! *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! -

Mario: That girl has the grossest tits I've ever seen.

Koops: What was wrong with demm tri-tizzles?

Mario: Well where do I start?

Flurrie: I'd say it was a work of art.

Mario: They were veiny, saggy, moley, disproportionate, stretch marky, hairy, the shapes were all wrong, the areolas were too big, too dark, they were worse than how Flurrie's are now. I mean, yeah. It's cool that there's 3 of them sure, but when you combine that with all those other cons, even that can seem like another problem.

Goombella: Yeah. It's just plane gross really. Even just tits in general. Eww… Not my thing.

Mario: Oh come on. No 1 is grossed out by boobs.

Bandy Andy: Wait, that bitch had 3 boobs!?

King K: Holy Ravioli! I'd masterbate right now if I could but I can't cause I'm so crippled! And I'll grow hair on my palms.

Securitim: Are you ready for your last match of the sub-chapture Mr. Gonzales?

Mario: I've been ready for awhile ass wipe! Now come on Goombella! Lets go! You're the most tolerable partner right now that isn't going through a rap phase, or doesn't have an oozing venereal disease.

Goombella: Sure thang.

Flurrie: You know me so well Mario.

Now that the Glory Hole is all cleaned up from all of the beer puke from Flurrie's hideous appeal, they can actually start fighting now. The stupid ugly audience returned from the shopping sprees along with some of them cosplaying like fucking Mario while eating ugly popsicles shaped like Mario's head. You know? The red and white 1's that look closer to Boo Mario from Super Mario Galaxy? The game that proved that all regular looking boos are gay for Mario in boo form.

Grubba: MALES AND FEMALES, AND CHILDREN AMONG BOTH OF THOSE GENDERS! FER OUR NEXT BATTLE, WE HAVE THE ABSURD NERDS BEYOND ALL MY WORDS! God I hate these guys... ahem! TRY TO GIVE IT UP FOR, THE SPIKE STORMTROOPERS!

the Star Wars Theme by John Williams started blasting through the speakers as the team of 1 lakitu and 2 spinies casually walked / hovered on stage despite the fact that the audience was booing the ever loving crap of them on account that they're such nerds.

Spiny 1 (Age 1): Why do we even play here if people boo us everytime for being nerds? I feel more hated than Zatch Bell right now.

Lakitu (Age 24): Werp, this crowd will 1 day UNDERSTAND our obscure references! We might be row revered noobs now, but we'rr show them! We'rr be the greatest things since Knights of the Zodiac!

Spiny 2 (Age 3): Wow! I haven't heard of that anime in a long time!

Grubba: NEXT UP, WE HAVE THE 2ND COMING OF HITLER HIMSELF! THE MAN YOU'VE SEEN BATTLE 4 TIMES IN A ROW ALREADY! LETS HEAR IT FOR GG!

As always, Ain't Talkin Bout Love by Van Halen started playing as the audience roared a chant of "GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG!" For Mario and Goombella as they walked up on staged to face their new opponents in style!

Spiny 1 : Check out these n00bz! Some1 better rename these goofballs to GT! Get it!? Instead of GG!? Cause Dragon Ball GT was terrible!

Lakitu : These guys are ramer than new school Sponge Bob!

Spiny 2 : Yeah! Like he said!

Mario: And what the fuck are wrong with these guys!

Goombella: They seem to like referencing random shit I guess…

Mario: I have a plan.

Mario briefly grabbed the microwave- I mean, microphone to expel some more moronic douchery!

Mario: ALRIGHT EVERY1! PAY ATTENTION AND WATCH AS I BEAT THE EVER LOVING VIRGINITY OUT OF THESE DORKS!

Audience: YEAH! KICK THEIR ASS! KICK THEIR ASS! KICK THEIR ASS! KICK THEIR ASS!

Lakitu: Don't worry guild mates! We'rr be tougher than the finar boss from Mushihimesama Futari!

Mario: What?

Lakitu: ROOK IT UP MARIO WANNABE!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 30/63

Goombella: Power Level 45/50

Koops: Torturing the locker mates with his awful rapping

Flurrie: You don't even want to know.

FP: 0/10

V.S.

Lakitu: Power Level 10

Spiny 1: Power Level 19

Spiny 2: Power Level 19

[TURN 1]

Battle Music: YYZ by Rush

Lakitu: Hor hor hor. Rook at these round eyed foors!

Mario: Okay Goombella. Time to grind up some more lame asses! Lets do it.

Spiny 1: OBJECTION! ... YOU SUCK! AHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Mario: Starting with you!

Mario impatiently jumped on the Spiny forgetting that they have spikes like the moron he is: [-1 Damage]

Mario: Fuck! Now my other foot is bleeding!

Goombella: Please tell me you somehow didn't see the spikes so I don't think less of you intellectually...

Mario: ... Just stop being a cunt and do your fucking tattle!

Goombella used tattle on Lakitu: You remember Lakitus right? From like, ALMOST ALL OF YOUR GAMES!? Incase you don't, I gotta tell you. They may look like Koopas, but they're actually balding Japanese midgets Nintendo hired to pretend to be Koopas on clouds that drop Spinys. I'll tattle those things next. But yeah, since it's Nintendo doing it, it's not racist!

Mario: So you're entirely oblivious to the fact that your politically correct ass just called them midgets right? Kool.

Spiny 1 metal spike spin dashed himself at Mario stabbing his hip on 3 different angles: [3 Damage]

Mario: OW!

Spiny 1: Ha! This match is getting tighter than those suits from G Gundam!

Spiny 2 also spin dashed Mario stabbing him on the other side giving him 6 stab wounds total. This took Mario on a highway to the danger zone: [3 Damage]

Mario: HOLY FUCK I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN! Well, what ever kills me makes me STRONGER!

Lakitu: Hey! Thats a famous quote by Friedrich Nietzsche! He's a German phirosopher from the 1800s!

Mario: OH I AM SO GOING FOR YOU NOW FUCK FACE!

Lakitu tried throwing a spike ball at Mario but missed on account that nerds can't throw.

[TURN 2]

Goombella: Mario! Hold your rage! Let me step in front so we wont lose!

Goombella uses tattle: This is a Spiny. I'd think you'd remember those, but since you fell for the obvious spikes, I'm kind of questioning that. Yeah, so its HP is 3, attack is 3, and defense is 3. So since power level logic qualifies the value of the attack and defense as 2.5, that means it's calculable equation is 3 x 2.5 x 2.5 which equals 18.75. Since we round by whole numbers, that would mean that they have a power level of 19!

Mario: ARE YOU TRYING TO PUT THE AUDIENCE TO SLEEP!? I'M IN FUCKING DANGER MODE HERE YOU KNOW!

The entire audience was asleep from the boring ass tattle.

Lakitu: Wow! I'm an asian nerd and even I found that math shit boring.

Mario double jumped on Lakitu knocking him out. Since Mario is in danger, his attack is raised by 2 on account that he has the Power Rush badge equipped: [8 Damage]

Also, Lakitu's cloud just dropped the naked Lakitu on the floor.

Lakitu's cloud (Age 22): FUCK THIS SHIT! I'M OTTA HERE NIGGAS!

The cloud flew away.

Spiny 2: WHOA DID YOU SEE THAT!? HE GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!

Spiny 1 smacked Spiny 2.

Spiny 1: We do NOT do Chris Tucker quotes out loud! You used to know this! *sigh* Lets just kick this Mario rip off character's ass already so we can go play Team Fortress 2!

Spiny 1 tried spin dashing Goombella but ultimately failed on account that she knew how to time her counter kick move on them: [-1 Damage]

Same with Spiny 2: [-1 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Goombella: Mario! Nows our chance to use the POW block. It will pierce through their defense by 2 which is exactly what we need for a sheer victory!

Mario: Yeah…. I have a better idea!

Mario pulled out Koops' phone from his pocket for a treacherous upcoming move.

Goombella: Mario. Is that Koops' phone?

Mario: Yes. I'm gonna use this phone to finish these geeks off with something worse than the Cancer Holocaust itself!

Mario started playing an episode of Loonatics Unleashed for the 2 Spinies. This caused them to scream in agony as their faces melted off along with them screaming and running around frantically.

Mario: SU-sususuusuuuuuck ONononononononon THA-AT!

Incase you didn't notice, that was Mario singing the little victory theme of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door after a battle. You've played the game right? That's why you're reading this I think?

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba woke up after his nap due to Goombella's tattle tangent earlier.

Grubba: Whoa wh-wh-wh-what? What happened?

Grubba looked around at Goombella, the bloody pissed off Mario, the passed out Lakitu, and Spinys running around without faces. They couldn't scream cause Loonatics Unleashed melted their mouths shut so they can't physically scream. It's actually a scientific fact that Loonatics Unleashed actually does melt off the faces of smart people. You've been warned

Grubba: WOO-HEE! DID I SAY THAT RIGHT? OH WELL. LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A WINNER! GIVE IT UP FOR THE GREAT GONZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALES!

The audience randomly woke up and and started clumsily cheering despite not knowing what's going on.

Audience: GONZALEZ GIVES ME CLAP! GONZALES! *CLAP CLAP CLAP* GONZALEZ GIVES ME CLAP! GONZALES! *CLAP CLAP CLAP* GONZALEZ GIVES ME CLAP! GONZALES! *CLAP CLAP CLAP* GONZALEZ GIVES ME CLAP! GONZALES! *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Mario: Ha! I always wanted to do that!

Goombella: Didn't you do basically do the same thing from 3 - 13 only with Loonatics Unleashed instead of Johnny Test?

Mario: They don't know that. Not 1 bit no how.

Chapture 4 - 12: Legg-O Dat Egg-O! I'm sorry. That was a really unfunny joke.

Back to the locker room as if a new sub-chapter never even started...

Mario: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M TEMPORARILY SUSPENDED FROM THE GLORY HOLE!?

Jolene: You're a dangerous out of control psychopath that clearly has no respect for your opponents!

Mario: Yeah, but I didn't kill any1 this time!

Jolene: Yeah, but you melted their faces off when you played an episode of that abysmal Loonatics Unleashed cartoon! If you read the contract, you would know that Loonatics Unleashed is strictly illegal to play in Glitzville. You're just lucky Grubba slept through it. What kind of deranged human being would show some1 something like that!?

Mario: This guy!

Mario pointed both of his thumbs at himself thinking it would prove a point.

Jolene: Your lucky i'm not the boss or I would have had you fired a few matches ago. Your lucky Grubba and I compromised on only a suspension. Well anyway, here is your prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 15.

Jolene handed Mario 5 coins.

Jolene walked out the door path that was originally a door until she broke it.

Mario: Damn. I feel like she's taking coins out of my ass-kicking allowance.

Koops: Yo GG- unit! Have you seen mah phony phone!?

Mario: Yeah. I was using it to play a Loonatics Unleashed episode you illegally downloaded. I knew playing an episode would work best on nerds and it did!

Koops: Wowziggles! Ay! Did you see if mah biatch Koopie Koo messaged my yellow arse back on F-bizzles!

Mario: Facebook?

Koops: I've been sendin her some of mah rap poetry! You think she'll like it!?

Mario: No, but if you're trying to prevent her from ever talking to you again, your doing great!

Goombella: I'm getting kind of worried about us getting the star at this rate if we've already gottien in THIS MUCH trouble!

Mario: Don't look at me! You jumped on the fucking "LETS BE FAMOUS FIGHTERS" bandwagon Koops started! You actually listened to Koops, and outnumbered what your fucking leader was talking about! If we just went with my idea, we could have gotten the star long by now no problem!

King K: Ay yo Great G! What are you guys talkin about in this town?

Mario: None of business fuck plug. Now go away before I expel suspicious acid piss on your cast!

Mario nonchalantly pissed on King K's cast.

King K: Its coo! I heard about yuh gettin suspended from the Glory Hole! Thats rough dude! But I know whatta cheer yuh up some! The hot dog stand down in the town! But let me get you in a big scoop about this here new ingredient they got goin on! Eva hear about these things called Yoshi's?

Mario: Well, have you heard about these things called "MARIO GAMES!?"

King K: Well basically, they're these Barney looking knock off dinosaur based things that lay eggs. Heck, they even live in an island named after them called Yoshi's Island. So yeah. Basically, Glitzville shipped in a bunch of these Yoshi Eggs and now the hotdog stand is making em' dogs out of them. Word on the street is: These Yoshi Eggs contain steroids in em' to make fighters fight better. Even though it's technically illegal to inject them in us. They don't say nothin about eating them in egg form. Oh yeah! Get em' before those hippy protesters ruin it.

Master Crash: THOSE HOTDOGS LOOK BOMBING AMAZING! I'D EAT THEM IF I HAD A BOMBING MOUTH!

Cleftor: I tried them. They taste amazing!

Goombella: Wait, protesters? Oh geez…. I hope they're not from U Goom. We got it pretty bad with dumb protester students. It's actually kind of scary.

King K: I love hot dogs! They remind me of what the 50s must taste like!

Mario: Yes, we get it. You Koopas have a secret love for hot dogs because they subconsciously remind you of red sweaty penises.

Koops: Well I'm down with the Dawgs that are shaped like Lawgs that turn my Cawgs!

Mario: What the hell are you talking about now?

Koops: I like to rhyme! It ain't no crime!

Mario: Whatever. Lets go check it out. I need to get my mind off this Glory Hole bullshit while I'm suspended. A little fresh air might keep me from going on a berserk homicidal rampage where I kill every1 on this floating island.

Flurrie: Hey guys! Wanna know what I was doing?

Every1 Else: NO!

As they were walking through the lobby, Great Gonzales and his G Team were encountered by a massive herd of toads and totally non asian lakitus that were hovering around Rawk Hawk trying to get his picture as if he was the most popular kid in a high school musical. Every Toadette had Rawk Hawk sign their non existent boobs.

Rawk Hawk: EASY LADIES! THERES PLENTY OF HAWK TO GO INSIDE OF YOUR TWATS AND MAKE YOU ALL BAWK! THE REST OF YOU DUDES! STAY AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T SWING THAT WAY YOU SISSIES!

Goombella: My god that guy's a douche. Does he ever talk without all caps?

Koops: Man dat guy is cray cray and all bout dat play play okay kay?

Mario smack Koops compulsively.

Koops: YOUCH!

Mario: Sorry. Force of Habit.

Toadina(Age 25): RAWK HAWK! SIGN ME NEXT!

Toady (Age 21): WE LOVE YOU!

Toadla (Age 23): PLEASE FUCK ME AGAINST THE WALL RAWK HAWK!

Toadel (Age 20): HAVE MY BABY I'M ALREADY PREGNANT WITH!

Goombella: Jeez! How are we gonna get through here?

Mario: By doing what I've done to almost every door I've met so far.

Mario pulled out his hammer in an ominous fashion getting ready to hurt more people.

Mario started brutally smashing through the Rawk Hawk fan girls including the pregnant 1s cracking their faces open with his hammer like eggs. It was pretty gory and disturbing and it ideally could qualify as a massacre, but luckily, every1 is stupid so Team M can get away with it. They made it to the door no prob.

Mario: See? A hammer solves any problem if you put your balls into it!

Koops: Hey! Where Flurrie! Is she in a hurry?

Toadude (Age 27): RAWK HAWK! CAN YOU SIGN MY HAT? MY DAUGHTER IS A HUMONGOUS FAN!

Rawk Hawk Halkin' Punched the fan into the wall for having a penis.

Rawk Hawk: BACK OFF JACK OFF! I WANT MALE FANS THAT WORSHIP ME IN A STRAIGHT WAY! ONLY FEMALES ARE ALLOWED TO BE 5 FEET CLOSE TO ME. THE ONLY TIME WHEN IT'S OKAY FOR GUYS IS WHEN I'M PUNCHING THEM WITH MY FISTS! HAR HAR HAR!

Flurrie: Rawk Hawk! Sign my tatas!

Rawk Hawk: BLEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Rawk Hawk puked all over Flurrie.

Flurrie: Ooooo…. I didn't know Hawks can get bird flew! Sexyyyyy...

Rawk Hawk: ALRIGHT! MEET AND GREETS ARE OVAH! I HAVE TO BANG SOME GROUPIES TO GET MY MIND OFF OF THIS CLOUD THING FOR BEING SO UGLAY!

Mario and his strange friends stepped out of the main Glitzville building and noticed a wild herd of vegan obsessed protesters that think they're in Peta as they held up pissed off signs of glitter and arts and macaroni to boycott Yoshi Egg hotdogs. 100 of them surrounded a Pig character with no ears who closes his pupils like eyes without closing his actual eyes if that makes any sense. If you've seen what he looks like or remember, you'd know what im talking about.

Protesters: DOWN WITH MEAT! CAUSE ITS MURDER! DO NOT EAT THE FUCKING BURGER! DOWN WITH MEAT! CAUSE ITS MURDER! DO NOT EAT THE FUCKING BURGER! DOWN WITH MEAT! CAUSE ITS MURDER! DO NOT EAT THE FUCKING BURGER! DOWN WITH MEAT! CAUSE ITS MURDER! DO NOT EAT THE FUCKING BURGER!

Pig Slop (Age 42): Leave me alone you dirty protesters! Can't you see this is hurting my business!?

Random Protester 1 (Age 19): DON'T EAT YOSHIS!

Random Protester 2 (Age 23): BLOOD = M. !

Random Protester 3 (Age 21): EVERY ANIMAL WITH A FACE SHOULD BE KEPT UNHARMED!

Random Protester 3 attempted to throw a cocktail at Pig Slop but missed him and the truck.

Random Protester 4 (Age 20) started punching himself while expressing emotions.

Random Protester 4: LIVING IS SACRED!

Pig Slop: I gotta get out of here!

Random Protester 5 (Age 18) started laying naked on a giant plate to imply that eating is murder.

Random Protester 5: THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE DOING WHEN YOU EAT MEAT!

Pig Slop: Can't you see i'm a fucking Pig!? How do you think I feel when people eat pork!?

Random Protester 6 (Age 21): EATING IS MURDER! THAT'S WHY I DON'T EVER EAT EVER!

Random Protester 7 (Age 20) held up a baby chick with a tight grip.

Random Protester 7: THIS IS WHAT YOUR HOT DOG STAND IS DOING!

Random Protester 7 pulled out a knife a slit the baby chick's throat to express why killing animals is wrong…*sigh*

Random Protester 4: LET THAT ANIMAL ALONE PIG!

Mario: What the hell is going on here?

Goombella: Oh great... I recognise some of these people from college.

Koops: They seem kind of dumb and filled with scum yo!

Goombella: Yes. Even you find them dumb! Thats how dumb they really are.

Mario: Who gives a shit. I'm getting my ass 1 of these dogs now!

Goombella: Yeah but-

Random Protester 8 (Age 19): Hey! Is that Goombella!

Random Protester 9 (Age 20): Goombella! Long time no see!

Random Protester 10 (Age 22): Eww its Goombella! Lets not talk to her. SHE FINDS RAPE FUNNY!

Goombella: OH COME ON! I WAS MAKING A JOKE ABOUT A BAD SCENARIO WHERE YOU SHOULDN'T YELL THE WORD "RAPE"! NO 1 EVEN GOT RAPED IN THE JOKE! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE RETARDS!

Random Protester 11 (Age 21): NOW SHE'S BASHING THE MENTALLY DISABLED PEOPLE! EVERY1 HISS AT HER!

Some of the protesters: HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Goombella: You're the 1s bashing them by affiliating the word "retard" with them!

Mario: Nah. They're just mad because if you google the word "retard" they find their names and faces in a related search.

Mario slammed his hammer on the ground creating a path for his party to reach the hotdog stand. This move knocked 17 of the protesters off the cliff.

A rainbow spotted egg suddenly hopped out of the greasy hot dog truck and started bouncing around trying to avoid getting turned into some fat drunk's dinner.

Pig Slop: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! THAT 1 WAS MY LAST CRACK BABY EGG! NOW IT'S HOPPING ALL OVER THE PLACE! GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID FUCKING EGG!

Protester 12 (Age 19): SEE THAT!? ITS MOVING!

Mario: What's all this shit going on?

Pig Slop: 1 OF MY EGGS IS GOING AWOL AND NOW IT'S HOPPING ALL OVER THE GODDAMN PLACE! AWW MAN! AND NOW ALL THESE PROTESTERS ARE GOING NUTS! AT THIS RATE, IM SURE TO GET SOME PRETTY BAD YELP REVIEWS!

Goombella: I love how they're standing still yelling and not trying to help save the egg.

Mario: Say no more talking incest Pig! I will abort the shit out of that egg with my hammer!

Protesters: YAY! ABORTION?

Mario chased the-

Goombella: Mario! Stop! You keep slipping on the ground trying to catch the egg and it's embarrassing.

Mario: Well, maybe if my cock wasn't so damn long, it would be easier not to trip on the floor!

Goombella: You're tripping on your own feet moron.

Mario: Shut up! I got this!

Pig Slop: YEAH! GET IT! GET IT! SMASH THE FUCK OUT OF IT!

Random Protester 13 (Age 20): NO! SAVE IT! SAVE IT! SAVE THE FUCK OUT OF IT!

The Yoshi egg some how hopped on top of the hot dog truck. This is why Yoshi's shouldn't smoke crack while eating. They shit eggs and the crack chemical get inside their premature Yoshi's minds man! They jump high!

Mario: OH WHAT THE FUCK! NOW WE HAVE TO GET ON TOP OF THE FUCKING TRUCK!? GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!

Koops: But can't you jump without giving a hump!? Your fuckin Mario right?

Mario: I can't jump very well in this game yet! Not until after a few more upcoming chaptures!

Goombella: Whoa! Don't spoil the story for people!

Mario: Yeah, but was that really even a spoiler though?

Pig Slop started stomping around like a Mel Gibson yelling at a woman's ass.

Pig Slop: NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GRAB THE EGG!?

Mario: When pigs fly! Literally!

Pig Slop: Fuck you WOP! Get my egg!

Mario: Fuck you too! I'm killing you after I get the egg for saying that.

They started walking around looking for some results of a way to hop on the truck. Seriously. I love how in Grand Theft Auto, you can just climb onto a truck, but not in Paper Mario. Them games got it backwards.

On an unrelated note, that team of 3 black high school girls came to Glitzville and were seen twerking in the background for the other civilians for who knows why.

Koops: Yo looky dat! Its them twerkers! Imma get me some more of that ass!

Mario and Goombella restrained Koops to keep him from doing some more stupid shit.

Goombella: Damnit! Don't be a retard! If you try spanking them like last time, 2 things can happen. 1, they can smack you off Glitzville with their butt cheeks, or those protesters will eat you alive for being rapey despite the whole purpose of their protest!

Koops: Man! Well some1 gotta tap dem asses! Look at em! Them's need tappin!

Goombella: Will you stop whining about you wanting to touch their gross butts!

Flurrie: You guys go ahead and find a way to get that egg. I got a plan.

Flurrie joined the twerk team of jailbait teens as she started twerking with them creating a twerk quartet.

Goombella: EWW! COME ON FLURRIE! THATS NASTY! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!111

Mario: And that's when I just realized that Flurrie could have floated on to the truck and grabbed the egg that way...

Koops: Yo look! I see 1 of em' airplane shrines on dat Jamba Juice! Whadat doin dere? Maybe we can climb on it and fly I don't lie!

Mario: You're missing the point Koops. We. Can't. Climb. Things. Stupid.

Goombella: Well there's a staircase to the top of the building. Can't we just use that?

Mario: …. Sure! Why the fuck not.

They casually walked up the stairs where they found a Power Plus P Badge in a treasure chest. It's a pink badge with a fist pumping upwards for pink power that can boost the partner's power level up by increasing their attack power by 1. This could make Goombella and Koops stronger than Mario if they had the BP to use it.

Koops: Yo! Is that candy!?

Mario: STOP THINKING MY BADGES ARE CANDY OR IM PUSHING YOU OFF GLITZVILLE!

Goombella: Oh cool! It looks like a badge that can make all but Mario stronger. Perfect!

Mario: Except I don't have enough BP to wear it. Even if I did, there is no way in hell I am letting any of you get stronger than me.

Koops: Can'tcha jus put dat shit on without the BP?

Mario: I've explained this before. If I do that, my skin will turn inside out and I will actually die from internal bleeding.

Koops: Oh... uhh... Hey look! 1 of em' trampolines boss! Let's use it to jump on the extra platform with dat Rawk Cawk guy's picture on it G!

Koops hopped on the random trampoline on the ceiling that was supposed to be thrown away months ago. Instead of landing on the shrine like he wanted to, his jump was just too narrow in range so when he tried landing, he missed the shrine and brutally bashed his chin really hard on the corner of it making him fall on the paved floor briefly knocking him out.

Mario: He doesn't pay attention does he... Oh well. We got an egg to fuck anyway.

Mario and Goombella on the other hand, hopped on the trampoline and landed on the plane shaped shrine Koops was talking about.

Goombella: Say, I wonder how they found 1 of these shrines? It seems a little odd that there would be 1 on top of a Jamba Juice.

Mario: We'll probably find out an answer to that later on. I don't know. Now stand back. Imma pullin mah pants down!

Mario pulled down his pants and underwear so he can do the ritual where he can turn into a plane. It's been awhile since he's done this huh. Damn! Also, every1 walking around started looking and freaking out over Mario standing on top of a building bottomless like a hairy Italian Porky Pig.

Goombella: WHY MARIO!? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE!

Bub: WHOA COOL! Hey mommy look! That man has his penis out! Hehehehe.

Sylvia: DONT LOOK DEARIE! THAT MAN IS SICK AND GROSS!

Goldbob: WE'RE SUING YOU FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE AND SCARRING OUR CHILD FOR LIFE SIR!

Bub: I don't think it's a big deal papa. I mean, its just a penis. We all know they exist.

Goldbob: I SAID YOU'RE SCARRED FOR LIFE!

Goldbob smacked his son for not being scarred for life.

Goombella: Can you PLEASE make this quick Mario!? I hear alot of people freaking out over you being indecently exposed in public!

Mario: Fine fine.

Mario start rubbing his bare ass on it like a dog along with skid marking the shrine this time. As a result, he transformed into a little plane version of himself!

Random Person (Age 33): What the fuck! Is this guy a majician?

Another random person kicked that random person in the balls.

Other Random Person (Age 37) : Your goin to hell for saying that!

Mario flew on top of the hotdog truck to try and grab the bouncing egg.

Mario: Now die by my hands, egg!

Mario continued to circle around the egg bouncing away from him. The egg pulled a ridiculous stunt on him where the egg hopped above Mario's head and landed behind him. Then, he jumped in a way that knocked Mario off the truck defeating all that prep work of his he did to get on top of the truck. Hey, realistically, wouldn't the egg have cracked long by now if it's been hopping around like crazy on a hard surfaces? Mario games and physics... hmm...

Mario: SON OF A BITCH!

Goombella: *sigh* Don't tell me you just fell off trying to grab an egg..

Mario: OH TO HELL WITH THIS!

Mario grabbed onto the bottom side of the truck and began lifting.

Pig Slop: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CRAZZY OUF!

Mario: KILLING 2 BIRDS! WITH 1 TRUCK!

Pig Slop: WAIT DON'T DO- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mario: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Mario with all of his brute force flipped the truck over crushing Pig Slop to deth. Hot dogs, chips, soda, and deep fryer juice spilled everywhere. Not to mention there was a big ass fire over the truck. Welp. Looks like no more hotdogs for any1 now. And the egg just hopped off unharmed with no problem.

The Protesters: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Mario: OH YOU ALL CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES TOO!

Mario grabbed 1 of the hotdogs on the ground and shoved it into 1 of the female vegetarian protesters mouths like a cock. She started crying with the hotdog still in her mouth.

Mario: Eat meat and get raped you slut!

This dearly pissed off all the liberal arts college protesters.

Random Protester 13: MEAT IS BAD! VEGAN ALL TEH WAY!

Random Protester 14 (Age 20): RAPE IS NOT FUNNY!

Random Protester 15 (Age 19): I'M AGAINST SLUT SHAMING!

Random Protester 16 (Age 21): ABORTION IS A CONFUSING SUBJECT!

Mario: SHUT UP! I hope the rest of you get force fucked and kill yourselves! Lets go team! Lets go back to fighting people on stage.

The Hotdog truck exploded killing and injuring all of the protesters.

Goombella: I can't believe you're not worried about totally getting banned from Glitzville now! I mean, you just blew up that Hot Dog Truck!

Mario: Did I? Or did a bunch of suicide bombing protesters do it? Plus, I just killed some of your annoying classmates. So you're welcome.

Goombella: True...

Koops: Looky here! Dat Egg be followin our asses and shit!

Koops spotted the bouncing Yoshi Egg following the spazztastic team.

Koops: Whatya think we otta do with that shit?

Mario: ...hmm….

Mario: LET THERE BE HOT DOGS!

Mario was about to stomp on the egg it while being interrupted by Goombella and Koops saving the possible Yoshi inside.

Goombella: STOP AT 1CE! LOOK! IT LOVES US!

Mario: You were both on board with me killing it not too long ago!

Goombella: Yeah, but now it just joined our party apparently!

A Yoshi Egg has joined your party

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! YOU MEAN WE HAVE A 5TH MEMBER JOINING NOW!? WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK!

Koops: What wrong with this thang followin us!? The more the merrier right!?

Mario: NO! I hate including more partners! You 3 are hard enough to tolerate as it is! We don't need anymore lame partners! AHH! DAMNIT! Why is it even following us anyway!?

Goombella: Probably because we killed that pig along with his hotdog stand. So now it thinks we must be it's parents or something.

Koops: Sweet! Imma be a great daddy! All I gotta do is play video games with him all day! Sweet!

Mario: Shut up! Were not fucking parents! This is all just 1 big clustercuck of a situation. Lets just go back to our locker room and figure some shit out. Lets go Flurrie!

Flurrie: Just go on without me! I'm gonna twerk my buns off with these lovely bootylicious broads for a little while longer.

Mario: Whatevs. Like I really even give a fuck right now.

Black to the locker room and shit,

Master Crash: HEY GG! HOW ARE YOU BOMBING DOING!?

Mario: PISSED OFF!

King K: Aww… What's wrong Gonzales?

Bandy Andy: Yo! And what with that gay ass egg followin yo ass nigga?

Mario: Thats the fucking problem! I hate having partners join my badass team! It really gives me this stinging feeling of stress on the tip of my fucking penis i'm so frustrated! I'm just gonna keep punching this locker and never stop!

Mario started excessively punching a hole in a locker in the frustration of gaining a new partner. Im sure you guys know what im talking about right? Or maybe it's 1 of Mario's unpopular opinions.

Master Crash: WELL THATS BOMBING COOOOOOOL! ITS ALWAYS GOOD WHEN YOU CAN GET MORE CREW TO JOIN YOUR BOMBING POSSE MAN!

Mario: No! It's not cool. It's just a bouncing fucking egg that can't do shit other than bounce!

Goombella: Stop punching the locker Mario. Can't you see that your fist is TOTALLY bleeding?

Mario: I don't fucking care! I'm way too pissed off the feel pain right now!

Koops: Yo shoulda woulda coulda use dat fistin on dem udda fightaz yo!

Mario: AND YOU! STOP BEING A FUCKING WIGGER! ITS MORE STRESSFUL FOR ME THAN EVER TO HOLD BACK ALL OF THESE URGES TO STRANGLE YOU RIGHT NOW!

Cleftor: He's right. You're already a rising star. Use them fists to the best of your abilities!

Mario: FUCK YOU! THATS A GREAT IDEA! OKAY!

Mario angrily pressed the touch screen in order to contact Grubba to reserve the match. Ah you know how that system works by now. Do I have to keep explaining it!?

Grubba: Well howdy there Gonzales! I see you're trying to reserve a match! You do know you're on this dun here suspension from being too dangerous right? BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT on the other hand, danger is good for our business! Its gets em' money payin' customers all riled and dialed up! So don't mind Jolene. The crowd loves you. And I think its time to put an end of there here suspension of yours eh? So now that we have that established, lets put you up against them dum here rank 14ers. The White-and-Dirties! And for this match, see if you can go without your hammer this match! No reason particularly! I'M JUST ON A HEAP OF COCAINE RIGHT NOW! I PRACTICALLY SLEEP ON THAT SHIT YOU HERE!? NOW GET OUT THERE AND LAY AN ABORTION ON THOSE BOZOS! SIGNIN OFF!

Call End.

Bandy Andy: Yo mah nigga! Looks like your crew are against my crew's asses!

Koops: No way in the day! That all cray cray fo jay jay!

Mario: Stop being stupid Koops. Anyway, you mean we're fighting you and your wigger friends? Pffft! That's hilarious!

Bandy Andy: Yeah! You gotta fight all 4 of us nigga! We used to have a gang of 5, but mah brotha from another motha got crushed to deth by an random anvil last week in Ghettoport stealin some wop's cigarettes and shit! It sucks though! I'll kill that niggas ass if I get the chance G! But you're all goochy!

Mario: *snickering*

Goombella: Hey Mario. I noticed that you've been fresh out of FP for like, 5 matches! Maybe since the opponents are getting tougher plus almost getting fucked over last match, maybe you should I don't know. Maybe stalk up on some HP and FP.

Mario: I guess. I'll just eat some shrooms and drink some vadgelly syrup before going on stage?

Master Crash: VADGELLY SYRUP!? CAN I BOMBING HAVE SOME!

Mario: Hell the fuck no! It only works when me and other partner's do it.

Brandy Andy: You want some syringes for that shit?

Mario: No thanks. That only works for the ultra stuff we haven't covered yet.

Bandy Andy: All good nigga.

Mario consumed the legal drugs boosting his FP back to normal and raising his health [5+]

King K: Couldn't you just have gotten some ZZZs and restored some of em' Power Levels and what not?

Mario: And wake up with some kind of cancerous rash? I don't think so.

Goombella: Don't forget your tonic water.

Mario: Yes mom.

Mario drank his tonic water really vacating the hell out of his inventory. Which is cool.

Securitim: GG and BA! Your chariot awaits! Get it? Hehe. But seriously. Time to battle!

Mario: Alright. Koops! Watch the egg! Or don't I dont give a shit.

Koops: Okay in the day!

Mario and Goombella along with Bandy Andy went off. The Yoshi Egg was left sitting on the bench doing nothing but what a normal egg should.

Now were back to the Glory Hole battles for real now!

Grubba: MALE AND FEMALE CREATURES OF ALL KINDS! ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER EXCITING BATTLE DOWN IN THE GLORY HOLE!?

Audiance: YIPPEEEEEEEE!

Grubba: FOR THIS MATCH, WE SEE THEM ROLLING! THE HATING! TRY TO CATCH THEM! ITS THE WHITE-AND-DIRTY!

The Speakers blasted the chorus of Ridin' Dirty by Chamillionaire as Bandy Andy and 3 of his brothaz from otha mothaz all did their own embarrassing rap dances as they approached the stage like the Stanky Leg, Swag Surfin', and The Barney. Guess which dance Bandy Andy was doing? Yes! You got it! The Solja Boy! Some of the families in the background started twerking for them. Even the dogs, even the cats, and even dare I say… the children!

Grubba: AND LETS NOT FORGET THE PATHOLOGICAL DEMON FROM HELL! THE 1 STRAIGHT FROM SATAN'S RIGHT HAND THRONE HIMSELF! YOU GUESSED IT! THE GREAT GONZALES!

Ain't talkin bout Love by Van Halen started blasting while Mario and 1 of his obscure friends hopped on stage. As usual, the crowd cheered and partook in ill mannered behaviors while they cheered like loonatics while they bashed their brains with Mario hammer souvenirs to support his fighting career somehow.

Bandy Andy: Every1! Watch as I beat this fat nigga with the titties' ass! Yeah you like that name huh? Fat nigga with the titties!? Fat nigga with the titties!? It's the fat nigga with the titties every1!

Mario: Your team name is a crappy hybrid of Ridin' Dirty and Weird Al's parody. But it does describe your character all too well!

Bandy Andy: Aw shit man! Don't think imma go easy on your ass nigga! I was born in prison motha fuckah! My mom like to stole from Target and shit!

Mario: You're only proving my case stronger!

Bandy Andy: Yeah? Well Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

Mario: Your momma is so fat, she had her own reality show episode on TLC for being 1000 pounds, and died!

Bandy Andy: Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp!

Mario: Yo mommas so fat and old, Noah took his arc and swam inside of her. And penis!

Bandy Andy: Yo mommas so-

Goombella: Can you 2 stop the lame yo momma jokes and just fucking fight already!?

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 25/63

Goombella: Power Level 45/50

Koops: More shameful shit.

Flurrie: TWERKIN'

FP: 10/10

V.S.

Bandit 1 (Age 25): Power Level 10

Bandit 2 (Age 24): Power Level 10

Big Bandit (Age 23): Power Level 20

Bandy Andy: Power Level 20

Battle Music: Fergie by Ludacris

[TURN 1]

Bandy Andy: GG! Why yo ass standin behind your lady bitch?

Goombella: Who the hell are you calling bitch, bitch!

Mario: And why are you standing behind your 3 other pussy partners?

Bandy Andy: Man, I'll fuck yo couch in the day nigga!

Goombella uses tattle on the regular bandits: These are Bandits. They're these unwealthy unintelligent creatures that like to live in shit. I mean. They aspire to behave like stereotypical idiotic african americans when they are in actuality, idiotic caucasian folks trying to be black stereotypes. But yeah. They steal shit and are so full of themselves, that they have absolutely no regards for other people.

Mario: Try call them wiggers next time. It'll get the point across much faster.

Mario uses power jump on 1 of the regular bandits giving his ass a concussion in 1 hit: [6 Damage]

Bandit 2: DAMN! That shit be bleeding man!

Big Bandit: Lets just smoke their asses Bandy!

Bandy Andy: Heel yei!

Bandit 2 ran really fast and kicked Goombella in the face like a G: [2 Damage]

Big Bandit also ran really fast and pimp slapped Goombella in the face: [3 Damage]

Goombella: These guys are hard to counter!

Bandy Andy tried slapping her ass area but she counters him by kicking him on the balls: [-1 Damage]

Bandy Andy: DAMN NIGGA! FUCK THAT SHIT!

Goombella: You had that 1 coming asshole!

[TURN 2]

Bandit 2: Check it out Gs! I stole 1 of their coins!

The bandit raised up 1 of his coins to taunt them.

Goombella: HOW!? I don't even hold the money! Mar- I mean, Great Gonzales does.

Bandit 2: Next turn i'm gonna run out and buy some weed with that shit!

Mario: This game has some fucking retarded ass logic.

Goombella: Whatever. Imma gonna do mah other tattle.

Goombella uses tattle on Big Bandit: This is Big Bandit. They're not really bigger than regular bandits. Although, they do have a power level of 20. 2ice as much as a regular bandit. I guess they also wear green hoodies instead of red, but that's not important. They seem to go after your items instead of your coins so look out.

Mario: Well jokes on him cause we don't have shit for them!

Mario pulled another mighty power jump attack knocking out yet another bandit on the floor. Note that a Power Jump is different than a Power bounce since the power bounce is the 1 with more than 1 or 2 bounces: [6 Damage]

Big Bandit: Damn Nigga! He be takin us out like flies! You didn't tell me he was that tough.

Bandy Andy: Maaaan shut the fuck up! I never even seen his ass fight before! We got this!

Big Bandit sucker punched Goombella: [3 Damage]

Bandy Andy tried kissing Goombella with his dirty ass unbrushed breath. Goombella just countered by head butting the sleazy bandit: [-1 Damage]

Bandy Andy: Why can't I get a hit on her nigga?!

Goombella: Probably cause you keep trying to molest me on stage you creep!

Big Bandit: Doesn't matter. I got their POW Block up in here! I'd like to see them get this shit in time!

Mario: Fuck! I forgot we had that 1!

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses-

Flurrie: HOLD ON!

Flurrie bursted through the doors and floated on stage.

Flurrie: I got something I need to show off for all you lovelies out there!

Flurrie: Hit it!

Flurrie requested that the DJ change the song to Bertha Butt Boogie by Jimmy Castor.

And guess what Flurie did? Yep. She twerked her ass off in front of every1 to this song. It was the sickest most grossest thing to ever be seen. It was disturbingly in synch with the beat of the song. She twerked so much, that it actually started to make the stage stink of a foul fecal odor.

Bandy Andy and Big Bandit: BLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Mario and Goombella: BLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Grubba: BLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Every1 else: BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

Meanwhile while Koops was hiding in a corner firing his glue gun at the wall while using the egg to block off the others from seeing him.

Koops: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Every1 puked so much that an ocean of puke started a tidal wave outside of the gloryhole, and outside of Glitzville! It all bursted out the doors and the whole town was covered in more puke than ever before. It was like a fucking Fantasia movie! Only with puke. Lots and lots of Puke. Some families actually fell off Glitzville getting caught in the waves of puke. But most of all, every1 important survived. Except for their labido's for asses since Flurrie killed that for all of them.

Flurrie inhaled intensely and exhaled with sheer arousal from the massive odor of vomit.

Flurrie: My my... That was the hottest thing I have ever experienced...

The audience was scarred for life.

Bandy Andy: FUCK THIS SHIT! WE GIVE UP! WE'RE OUT OF HERE NIGGA!

Big Bandit: What you said man!

The 2 remaining fighters forfeited due to that life changing view on asses from now on. Let me reiterate. Thanks to Flurrie, no human can ever see asses the same way again.

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: Uuuhhhh... We have a BLERG! ... sorry. We have a winner! THE GREAT GONZALES!

The Audience started cheering again not really caring that the whole floating town was trenched in puke.

Audience: YICKY YA YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Flurrie: Anytime you care for another lesson, we'll be here!

Mario: Just shut the fuck up Flurrie. Just…. shut up...

Back to the locker room.

Jolene: This is why Grubba should never have let you back into the dojo. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SUSPENDED FOR A TOTAL OF A FEW WEEKS!

Mario: To be fair, this time I actually was playing fairly. Its fucking Flurrie. I only brought fucking Goombella with me so blame Flurie!

Flurrie: YEAH! BLAME ME! BLAMING ME TURNS ME ON!

Mario: SHUT UP FLURRIE YOU SICK WHORE!

Jolene: Ugg... Thanks to your faul sub-cretin of a partner, Glitzville will permanently smell like puke forever. And now we need to hire 50 clean up crews to clean up Glitzville. Your partner Flurrie is banned from twerking world wide. And if your partner does anything gross like that again, we will see to it that you are all legally executed. But on the bright side, you got Bandy to stop looking at my rear end area. He seems like he'll be pretty turned off by that part of me for a long time. So... thank you. Here is your prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 14.

Jolene handed Mario 6 fucking coins finally boosting up his allowance a little.

Bandy Andy: Yo! Have you ever been anally raped before? Hehe!

Jolene: DAMNIT! I was wrong.

Jolene walked back to her office to hire way too many cleaning crews.

Bandy Andy Approached Mario while brushing the puke off his face.

Bandy Andy: Damn shoty! I dont usually pull out cause im a real G! But that was some of the worst twerkin I have ever seen dawg! I almost never wanna touch or look at another ass again! But nothing will ruin the ass for Bandy G! NOTHIN! I promise….

Koops: Damn! Dat Gluteus Maximus be all nasty and it's long lasty!

Bandy Andy: The hell is a gluteus maximus?

Master Crash: IT'S ANOTHER NAME FOR A BOMBING REAR END!

Bandy Andy: BLEEEEEEEERG!1

Bandy Andy: AWW MAN! Now that really just killed my sex drive forever G! But I gotta say Greater G than G! I bet if yo partner bitch didn't pull that ass shit, I would have whooped yo ass nigga!

Mario: No you wouldn't. On turn 3, Goombella would have delt 4 Damage on Big Bandit, then I would have jumped on him knocking him out giving him another 4 Damage. Then you would have tried pulling some rapey shit on Goombella again which she would have countered. Then on turn 4, we would have just finished you off and we'd win that way.

Bandy Andy: Damn GG! You right. You got me man! Hehe. I actually would have tried to give dat Goomba bitch a goomba titty twister. Mmmm...

Goombella: I hate you. I hate you more than how much Wendy Thomas hates Morgan Smith.

King K: Yo G-dog? Howz it hangin?

Mario: Do not call me G-Dog ever again or I'll push you off your wheelchair and stomp on your broken casted arms.

King K: Good 1! Hehe. So boy, I ask you for a huge favor to ask. So theres this toad working at the Jamba Juice who looks suspiciously like Jolene. And you see, I can use a shorty in my life you dig? And I was wondering if you would be my wingman and help me get with her? I just wanna do all kinds of raunchy things to her. She has me all so darn dizzy! Like, boy! I really just wanna sit on a bench next to her, and just... wrap my arm around her shoulder at a playground! And then really kink things up by putting a flower in her hair! Then I'll really get her turned on when I ask her how her day went before pulling out a wedding ring!

King K jizzed in his shell.

King K: So what do you say pal?

Mario: No.

Cleftor: You're such a virgin King K.

King K: ...

Master Crash: WELL IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD JUST WANNA TIE HER UP AND TAKE A BOMB ALL OVER HER BOMBING FACE!

King K: RIght... Gonzales. Just reserve another another match already so we can stop this mindless banter.

Mario: You bet your crippled ass I will! I don't give a fuck if they're cleaning up or what!

Mario began reserve this match.

Mario: Good thing they make devices designed for profound idiots to operate right?

Goombella: You mean you?

Mario collected mucus in his mouth and spat on Goombella.

Goombella: HEY! COME ON!

Grubba: Why Howdy again Gonzales! I'm guessing you want another match eh? ... Well.. YOUR IN LUCK PAL! Normally that shit you pulled with Flurrie would have me wipe you off the face of the earth, BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT,,,,,,,,,,,,,, because of your absurd ill mannered actions, the widespread controversy has actually been helping our business far more than hurting it. I mean, people nowadays are really attracted to the vile puke smell. They literally pay to smell it! Plus they're all drunk so its like, "WHO CARES!" Am I right? So let me lay it on yuh. So yeah... You'll be up against these depressing rank 13 fighters. They go by *sigh* XXxxmInd_bOgglErzxxXX. You actually have to phrase it that way or they'll guilt trip you in how shitty their lives are. They actually take pride in how their ranking is 13 since they're apparently so unlucky, they use that to explain why their lives are so shitty. I wanna punch them so hard for using their myspace band name... So anyway, for this match, I want you to not only punch them for me, but find a way to take these guys off the roster. Kill them if you have to and make it look like an accident! Don't care how you do it! I just really don't like these guys! ... Anyway, I'LL HAVE A SECURATIM PICK YOU UP RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO SNORT SO MUCH COCAINE YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Call End.

Mario: I'm starting to think this guy is just a full fledged retard.

Koops: Ay GG Mario! Wanna hear about some of deez rap nickname patty wanks I've been naming us?

Mario: Well, I can't really understand what your saying anymore. And no. Besides, you've named me and Goombella some pretty shitty names already.

Koops: Not Flurrie! How bout this. Her name will be FlurrDurr!

Every1: ….

Goombella: ... PFFFFFFFFFFTTT! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHAHHA! HAHAHAHAAAAAHHAHAHAHHAHA! Sorry... that actually was surprisingly funny. Tsssshssshsss... FlurrDurr... Haaa.. Its a shitty rap name I know, but it's still funny. I think it was the way he executed it was funny I guess… Hahahha...

Flurrie: For your information hunny, Flurrie is already my nick name. My real name is Claudette. Actually, my even realer name is Cloudette! But you can call me Flurrie. Or you can call me Kurauda. Or you can call me Claudia. Or you can call me Cumulia. Or you can call me Aerona. Or you can call me Spirù. Or you can call m-

Mario: OKAY! WE GET IT!

Goombella: So wait, what are we supposed to do? How do we get them kicked off during a fight?

Mario: Simple. We'll make them rage quit and regret ever being born.

Goombella: Yeah but shouldn't we think this out a little more some?

Mario: No. And if that doesn't work, I'll threaten them that if they don't give up their wrestling career, that we'll make Flurrie rape them in a ded alley. No sane thing in this world would ever agree to that.

Flurrie: My myy... you and your stimulating proposals really gets me all fffffrisky.

Mario: ...Just remember not to rape the opponents on stage this time. Seriously.

A Securitim walked in.

A Securitim: Mr. Gonzales. Your executioning mission- I mean... regular battle awaits.

Securitim winked at Mario forgetting his security sunglasses were blocking the way of his eyes.

Mario: Did you just try to wink? Oh whatever. LETS GO FLURRIE! The rest of you, watch the egg so no 1 sells it for crack and fucks it.

Goombella: Isn't that kind of risky.

Mario: IT'S PART OF MY PLAN!

Back to the Glory Hole for the 7th or 8th time,

Grubba: GENTLEMEN AND LADIES, AND THOSE THAT CAN'T MAKE BABIES! WHO HERE IS BLOOD THIRSTY FOR ANOTHER DUKE OUT!

The retarded Audience were all taking off their shirts off and swung them around. Some of them were puking out beer and chips and shit like that. It was funny. Some people were fornicating with people behind their spouses backs on the floor of puke and dropped food and cigarette butts. They were just the worst kind of sports fans you can ever imagine.

Grubba: 1ST UP, WE HAVE THE SAD MOPEY DOUCHEDICKS NO 1 REALLY LIKES EXCEPT FOR OUR EDGEFAG FANS! THE SUICIDAL SUB-CRETINS THEMSELVES EVERYBODY! XXxxmInd_bOgglErzxxXX...

The speakers started playing The Poison by Bullet for my Valentine. The team of a Pale Piranha, Dark Puff, and Pider walked on stage as every1 booed and threw their beer cans at them. Seriously, the only applause they received were from their 20 edge fag fans that cut big letters onto their chests to represent them. It was kind of like those fat people that painted their asses for Gonzalez, but with blood and chests.

Pale Piranha (Age 18): How are you all doing tonight!?

Audience: YOU SUCK!

Dark Puff (Age 16): WHAT DO YOU SAY AFTER THIS, WE BLOW UP SOME BUILD A BEAR WORKSHOPS!?

Pider (Age 26): YEAH! AND REPLACE THEM ALL WITH HOT TOPICS!

Audience: WE HATE YOU!

Grubba: AS YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T BRING THESE FIGHTERS OUT CAUSE YOU ACTUALLY LIKE THEM OR NOTHIN, WE BROUGHT THEM OUT TO WATCH THEM GET THE HARDEST ASS WHOOPIN SINCE HIGH SCHOOL! PLEASE WELCOME 1CE AGAIN, THE MURDER-FUCKER HIMSELF, THE GREAT GONZALES!

Ain't Talkin bout Love as usual started playing welcoming Mario and Flurrie on stage as they were cheered on by their unpleasant fans between the NFL jocky people who are too drunk to pay attention to jack shit, and the creepy internet fans who know who Mario is and can see through his Gonzales alious no problem. Those creepy hentai drawing Mario fans sure make Glitzville alot of bank!

Pale Piranha: Oh don't think we have forgotten about you losers! Remember us from Chapture 3 - 8!? We're back, and were ready to AVENGE our cleft friend you killed SEVENFOLD!

Dark Puff: We had to find a Pider to replace him for our 3rd member of our screamo band. And things haven't been the same man. But still, check out our band on Soundcloud. We're really good.

Mario: SERIOUSLY?! WHY HAVE SO MANY OF THESE MATCHES BEEN FUCKING REUNIONS OF MINOR ENEMIES FROM PREVIOUS BULLSHIT!?

Pale Piranha: We became fighters ironically quite some years ago! And what do you know? It only makes sense that we'd come face to face again right?

Mario: Don't care. Don't care. And don't care.

Dark Puff: It doesn't matter cause after this fight, were going to get some oversized gages for our butt holes to express the bitter meaninglessness of life!

Mario: HOW BOUT I GAGE YOUR BRAINS WITH MY FIST!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 25/63

Goombella: Watching the egg

Koops: Same I guess

Flurrie: Power Level 30/30

FP: 6/10

V.S.

Pale Piranha: Power Level 8

Dark Puff: Power Level 6

Pider: Power Level 10

Battle Music: Bat Country by Avenged Sevenfold

[TURN 1]

Mario: So wait, how do you gage a butthole exactly when they're already gaged?

Flurrie: You gage the parameters of the anus hole to stretch it around in all kinds of whacky ways my sexy slumber bear!

Mario: GOD, WHY DO I ASK THESE THINGS!?

Mario uses multi bounce bouncing on all 3 of the emo fighters [2 Damage All]

Pale Piranha: I'm gonna cut you bro!

Flurrie uses body slam on Pider bashing the hell out of him with her … not so fun parts: [2 Damage]

Mario: Shit! I forgot to threaten them before the match started. Oh well. After the match, I'll threaten them to drop out. Maybe I'll push them off the floating island or something. I don't know.

Dark Puff: Thats it! You leave us no choice! Every1! Get your suicide masks out! We're going to transform!

Pider: But wait, we've never even tested it yet!

Pale Piranha: Don't we need to do a couple more turns before doing that?

Dark Puff: JUST DO IIIIIIIIIIIT!

Pale Piranha: OKAY!

The 3 enemies pulled out their suicide masks that were really black plastic bags from a liquor store that can substitute as a lethal weapon if you put your head in them.

Dark Puff: ON A COUNT TO 3! PUT THE SUICIDE MASKS ON AND DON'T STOP HYPERVENTILATING! FOR JACK SKELLINGTON EVERYBODY! 1! 2! 333333333333!111

Infront of every1, the team of black and white Tim Burton worshipping emofags asphyxiated themselves with 3 black plastic bags thinking it would make them activate their spirit forms as if they were from some stupid fucking anime or whatever. But instead, they all just passed out on the floor and they accidentally kill themselves. As figured, they definitely bled black emo blood all over the fighting stage: [INFINITE DAMAGE]

Remember that move that Robotnik did in 1 - 3? I said it would be the strongest move in the story. I … think I lied.

Mario: Well... HA! Guess that solves that problem!

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: GOOD NEWS FOLKS! IT APPEARS XXxxmInd_bOgglErs HAVE FUCKING KILLED THEMSELVES DISQUALIFYING THEM AND GIVING UP BY DEFAULT! OUR WINNER IS! THE GREAAAAAAAAAAAT GONZALES!

Audiance: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! THE XXxxmInd_bOgglErsxxXX FUCKING KILLED THEMSELVES! THATS GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAT YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Mario: Now we don't need to give rape threats to them anymore! Cause they're ded!

Flurrie: Can I still rape their corpses in a dark alley!?

Mario: Uhhh... sure.

Audience: GONZALES IS THE BEST! GONZALES IS THE BEST! HE'S THE MAIN CHARACTER SO SCREW THE REST! GONZALES IS THE BEST! GONZALES IS THE BEST! HE'S THE MAIN CHARACTER SO SCREW THE REST!

[COMMERCIAL MODE]

HEY KIDS! WANNA DO AWESOME STUFF LIKE GET INTO A CAR ACCIDENT? RIDE A SHOPPING CART OFF A CLIFF? SIT ALL THE WAY THROUGH DUCK DYNASTY? JUMP OFF A DIVING BOARD INTO A SHALLOW AREA AND FEEL NO PAIN WHILE STILL FEELING REALLY GOOD DOING IT!? TRY HEROIN! WITH HEROIN, YOUR CAN BE TOTALLY NUMB, AND FEEL TOTALLY EXCELLENT WHILE YOU DO CRAZY THINGS LIKE GETTING YOUR DICK CUT OFF LIKE A BOSS!

Kids: But how do we do it!?

WELL I'M GLAD YOU ASKED! IT'S SIMPLE REALLY! THERE ARE MANY WAYS OF DOING HEROIN. YOU CAN EITHER SMOKE IT OFF A SPOON, OR BE A MAN, AND JUST INJECT THAT SHIT INTO YOUR BLOODSTREAM! YOU CAN GET HIT BY A TRAIN, AND STILL FEEL LIKE YOU'RE CHASING A FUCKING DRAGON!

Kids: Wow! Heroin is COOL!

THAT'S RIGHT KIDS! BUY SOME HEROIN FROM YOUR LOCAL HARDCORE DRUG DEALER DOWN THE STREET AND GET STOKED! ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT! SO TRY SOME HEROIN! UNLESS YOU WANNA BE A REAL LOSER! Side effects may include extreme addiction, sudden weight loss, missing teeth, various cancers, pale skin, rapid aging, and many many more. 90% of heroin user do not survive.

[END OF COMMERCIAL]

Back in the sweaty shit and puke coated prison cell... I mean locker room.

Mario: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM GLITZVILLE!?

Jolene: Wait what? … No. I never said that. This time, it was the other team's fault for their own deth. You didn't even provoke them to do it..

Mario: Oh... In that case, nevermind.

Jolene: Well anyway, Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 13.

Jolene handed Mario 6 coins.

Mario: I still think you're stealing from my allowance.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be going.

Jolene walked away kind of quickly.

Mario: See that!? She ignored me! That's proof right there every1! You saw that!

King K: Ay Gonzales my man! I got some most unfortunate news you're not gonna like. Looks like i'm gonna be making like a tree and leaving this town of Glitz. Yep. Looks like I best be making like John Travolta and batchubahing right otta here you feel me?

Mario: Good.

King K: You probably wanna know why.

Mario: I don't. Go away.

King K: Well look at me. I'm gonna be in this wheelchair for awhile and there's no place for crippled people in a fighting ring. After my last match, Imma best be done.

Mario: Perhaps your pain medication might be making you depressed. Usually beer helps with that.

Goombella: Beer is a depressant Mario.

Mario: That doesn't make any sense, i'm a great drunk.

Goombella: Because you're always drunk...

Koops: Sup sup sup Great G-zoles! Guess what i'm doing? Don't be booing!

Koops was seen on the bench getting his arm tattooed with a rusty pin by Cleftor who has no arms.

Mario: Whats... what's Koops doing?

Goombella: He's... getting a tattoo of Cleveland Brown from the Cleveland Show, Family Guy, and that 1 brief scene from American Dad.

Mario: You like those shows? It doesn't seem like your kind of comedy.

Goombella: Well theres alot you don't know about me. Plus you know, I watch Futurama so why so surprised?

Mario: I don't know. But Koops! Thats so fucking stupid! Why Cleveland of all people!?

Master Crash: I KNOW! I TRIED BOMBING ASKING HIM THE SAME BOMBING THING!

Cleftor: I wanted to give him an anarchy A to represent Anarchy in the MK!

Goombella: So… Anarchy in the Mushroom Kingdom?

Koops: Well I don't know GG! I decided it's mah favorite Seth McFarlane show since i'm trying to be black and all.

Mario: You're only saying that because it's a bad cartoon about black people and you're just going threw a shitty rap phase!

Koops: Aww come on! Dat Cleveland show is like a bro to me you see?

Mario: Even Larry & Steve was better than that crap!

Koops: Whats Larry & Steve?

Goombella: Something you will never understand!

Mario: God this "your tattoo" shit if really pissing me off. The fact that some1 getting that for your reason is absolutely appalling. I should kill you! I'm gonna start another match so I don't completely lose my mind and stab you with my massive Mario cock!

Mario began reserving his match yet again.

Grubba: HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY GONZALES! HOWZ IT HANGIN? HANGIN LIKE A LYNCHED NI-

Mario: You know exactly how it's hanging! Now reserve another match before I fart an atomic bomb and crash Glitzville into Petalburg!

Master Crash: YEAH! BOMBING BOMB THE BOMB OUT OF THAT BOMBING BOMB!

Grubba: I like your humor Mr. Gonzales! So lemme see here... AHA! You're up against rank 12! The Punx of Rock! Yeah... I don't get the Punx thing either... Yeah, so for this match, I want you to come up with some appeal move to get them audience members riled up. And I mean anything. Preferably, show em something flashy! Your a rising star buddy! Your a... your a... a real GO GETTER! Cause you know, you won 7 matches in a row! And you go make it 8 right now! SIGNIN OFF!i!

Grubba hung up in obscene sexcitement.

Cleftor: *Sigh* I remember those days back when Grubba was sexcited for me to beat the ass off of those conformist haters... But still, damn! I have to fight you next! I mean. I'm kicking your ass harder than your cholesterol Gonzales! Sorry Koops, but my band and I gotta defend my title as rank 12. So now I gotta put your crappy tattoo on hold!

Koops: But you only got his nose, mustache you never colored, and an eye without it's pupil yo! It looks like a chode with 1 ball! Fine... After this, I betta get an R.I.P. Brian Griffin tattoo next dawg! Cause after he died, I got too sad to keep watchin Family G!

Goombella: THEY BROUGHT HIM BACK 3 WEEKS LATER YOU FUCKING RETARD!

Mario: Thats it! You're coming with me Koops. Im using you so I can look at your tattoo so it can remind me to be more pissed off in the battle! Goombella, you come with so I don't accidently murder Koops on stage! And Flurrie! You watch the egg! AND DON'T RAPE IT! CAPEESH!?

Flurrie: Aww...

Goombella: I'm surprised you of all people don't want us to kill it. If anything, you seem the most protective of it. out of all of us

Mario: I made peace with it! I'm just hoping he doesn't turn out to be another shitty partner for 1ce!

A Securitim walked threw the path.

Securitim: Your match await Gonzales and Cleftor.

Cleftor: He even sais my name 2nd! I hate this facist convention you call the Glory Hole!

Another Gloryhole [BATTLE MODE] is yet to commence as Grubba began announcing his usual shit in his usual way.

Grubba: EVERY1 KEEPER OF ALL KINDS OF KRAZY GENITALS! FER OUR NEXT MATCH, WE HAVE THE GREEN REBELS FROM A PLACE THATS A MEANS TO YOUR END! TOUCH IT! FEEL IT! THE ROCKING PUNX!

The speakers blasted Green Hell by The Misfits as The 3 Bald Clefts walked on stage with giant black X's painted on their heads. No, they're not X-Nauts. They're a much worse force called "Straight Edge". Some are cool, but I mean the 1s that roam in gangs and beat people up at concerts for drinking alcohol suck. 1 of them saw 1 of the audience members drinking a can of Miller Lite. So 1 of the Bald Clefts bit his arm off like the dickhead he is.

Cleftor: You said our team/band name wrong Grubba!

Grubba: HEADING TO OUR NEXT CORNER, WE HAVE THE MERCILESS EXECUTIONER AND THE GRIM DETH BURGLARS! THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZALES!

Ain't talkin bout Love by Van Halen as always as if you're not tired of already hearing it played as Mario, Goombella, and Koops walked on stage casually while a bunch of physically and mentally unhealthy damaged smelly creatures called fans cheered them on with over hyped toddler like screeches.

Cleftor: And look at all the hype his fat ass gets!

Koops: I'm thinking about gettin a tattoo of 1 of em' Giraffes brandin over on mah belly button area after this fight. You feel me GG? Cause it all like, a butthole and shit!

Mario: I WILL OPEN YOUR SCAB WOUND AND SODOMISE IT IF YOU GET ANOTHER SHITTY TATTOO!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 25/63

Goombella: Power Level 25/50

Koops: Power Level 45/56

Flurrie: Hopefully not raping the egg in the egg hole...

FP: 4/10

V.S.

Hyper Bald Cleft 1 (Age 32): Power Level 12

Hyper Bald Cleft 2 (Age 29): Power Level 12

Cleftor: Power Level 12

Battle Music: Sonic Reducer by The Dead Boys.

[TURN 1]

Cleftor: I'd tell you the bands I like, but I'm tryin to keep all that super underground!

Mario: Then why is your battle music the Dead Boys?

Hyper Bald Cleft 2: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE! GOD!

Hyper Bald Cleft 1: THATS RIGHT! WE DON'T NEED ANY1! DON'T NEED NO MOM AND DRR!

Goombella: Uhh... you actually might though.

Goombella uses tattle on any of the Cleftors- I mean! Hyper Bald Clefts: These are Hyper Bald Clefts. They're green because all they drink are fucking energy drinks. They might not act hyper cause they're still fucking rocks but I don't know the science behind it. The book doesn't specify! So yeah. They charge up their attacks. Their defense is at 2 so regular attacks don't work. They can actually raise their power levels up to 30!

Mario: they'll still be weak as fuck.

Koops uses a power shell slam on the Hyper Bald Clefts: [1 Damage]

Koops: Damn mah arm hurts like a motha fucka!

Mario: Thats why you don't get tattoos before a fight, stupid!

Mario uses charge raising his power level by 35.

Hyper Bald Cleft uses charge raising his Power Level to 30.

Hyper Bald Cleft uses charge raising his Power Level to 30.

Hyper Bald Cleft uses charge raising his Power Level to 30.

Cleftor: See that? We can charge up too.

Mario: 1 of you could have at least attacked.

Cleftor: Doesn't matter! You're gonna be a ded boy next turn!

Mario: ... Let me show you why thats bullshit then.

[TURN 2]

Mario: But 1st!

Mario pulled down his pants and overalls and mooned the audience with his greasy italian balls tucked behind his ass as his appeal!

Audience: ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH EVERY1! LOOK AT HIS BALLS UNDER HIS BUTT! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

1 of the audience members threw a jar of vadgelly syrup at Mario as a gesture of "thanks for showing us your ass". Strange audience. Get used to it.

Goombella: I love how they can all talk in unison...

Mario: They've been doing that. I think they'll cheer for just about anything we do. Oh well. Koops! Vadge me!

Koops: KK Bizzle!

Koops drank the vadgelly syrup replenishing the FP by 5.

Mario finished off the match by using his quake hammer I forgot he had for awhile for the 1st time breaking the clefts including Cleftor in a few pieces: [2 Damage All]

This attack also knocked every1's drinks everywhere.

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: WE HAVE A WINNER! FOR THE 8TH TIME IN A ROW WITHOUT LOSING A SINGLE MATCH, THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZALES!

Audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG!

Goombella: Is it me, or do these matches seem like they're slumping down.

Mario: Who gives a shit. WERE ON A WINNING STREAK BITCH!

Koops: YEAH BIATCH!

Mario: Don't say bitch it like it. It sounds retarded.

LOCKER ROOM TIME!

Jolene: That was a pretty dangerous move you did there. You're just lucky that the Clefts only broke in just a few pieces so they're easy to glue back together. Otherwise you'd be thrown out for good. No questions asked.

Mario: Why don't you get thrown out for good bitch!

Master Crash: BOMB YEAH! THROW HER THE BOMB OUT! MAKE HER BOMBING SPLATTER! TAKE NO BOMBING PRISONERS!

Jolene: *Sigh* I seriously don't have time for this. Now I have to hire an art teacher cause none of us know how to use glue. In the mean time, here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 12.

Jolene handed Mario 7 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be going.

Jolene tried to push her glasses closer to her face and accidently dropped it on the ground and they broke in half.

Jolene: GOD DAMNIT! Now I need to get these glued together too...

Jolene walked back to her office in the simmering grips of depression due to the loss of her favorite glasses.

Master Crash: HEY GONZALES! LOOKS LIKE EVERY1 HERE LATELY IS BOMBING DISAPPEARING HUH? THEY'RE DROPPING LIKE BOMBING FLIES I TELL YOU! LIKE BOMBING FLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS! 1ST BANDY'S BEEN GONE. HE JUST KIND OF BOMBING DISAPPEARED TO TRY BOMBING RAPING JOLENE AGAIN I BET. I THINK KING K BOMBING RETIRED BECAUSE HE SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! AND NOW CLEFTOR IS BEING HOSPITALIZED! I SURE HOPE YOU DON'T PUT ME IN A HOSPITAL WHEN YOU BEAT ME- I MEAN... NOTHING! HAHAHAHAHA! GET IT!? BUT YEAH. ITS JUST YOU, YOUR STRANGE TEAM MATES, AND ME! ALL ALONE IN THIS BOMBING ROOM! BUT SERIOUSLY! IM THE LAST MINOR LEAGUER YOU HAVE TO FACE LEFT! SO LETS GET THIS BOMBING PARTY OVER WITH! CAUSE FLURRIE HAS BEEN TRYING TO BOMBING BOMB ME IN THE BOMB HOLE! I HAD TO TAKE AN EXTRA DOSAGE OF BOMBING CRACK SO I CAN HAVE THE SPEED TO NOT LOOSE MY VIRGINITY!

Flurrie: What's the point of virginity if you don't lose it.

Master Crash: BECAUSE! I HAVE PRIDE IN MY VIRGINITY! NO 1 CAN EVER UNDERSTAND THAT FOR SOME REASON! YEAH! SHE ALMOST BOMBING KNOCKED THE EGG 2ICE OVER TRYING TO CHASE ME! SO JUST RESERVE THE BOMBING MATCH ALREADY SO WE CAN GET THIS BOMBING BUSINESS OVER WITH!

Koops: Wait... Wasn't King K gonna be all reserving his last match before he retired? What a re-liar!

Master Crash: YOUR RAPS SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! YOU WILL NEVER BE A BOMBING RAPPER YOU PIECE OF BOMB! I WAS RAISED ON GUNPOWDER AND CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! THAT WAS MY LIFE HOMIE! NOW RESERVE THE MATCH BEFORE I BLOW THIS WHOLE PLACE UP I'M SO BOMBING EXCITED!

Mario: Alright alright! Fine... shit!

Mario began reserving his match with Grubba.

Grubba: HOWDY PARTNER! Fixin' for another fight I see eh? Well... you have 1 more minor leaguer to go before your test with the major leagues begin! So that about leaves you up against rank 11; THE BOMBING PIECES OF BOMB! For this match, I want YOU! To let them hit you a few times! You have a pretty clean ass whooping streak and I wanna surprise those crazy crazy dun here audience member you hear?

Master Crash: THANK YOU!

Grubba: SO SIT RIGHT THERE ON YOUR KEISTERS AND I'LL BRING YOU A SECURITIM COMING UP!

Grubba pushed the call end button to end the call so he can page a securitim.

Master Crash: HEY! WHILE WE'RE BOMBING WAITING, WANT SOME OF MY BOMBING CRACK!?

Mario: Sure! I thought you would never ask.

Master Crash: HAHA! JUST KIDDING! JOKES ON YOU LOSER! I NEVER SHARE MY BOMBING CRACK!

Mario: I'm kicking your ass double for that asshole. Also, I wonder what Bandy has in his locker while hes gone..

Mario opened up Bandy's locker and pulled out a bottle of Wild Turkey he had been saving for incase Notorious Big was resurrected.

Mario: BINGO!

Koops: You stealin his liquor? You gonna go to hell quicker!

Mario: I can't tell what's more annoying, you lecturing me, or you trying to rap. Besides, he stole my POW block, so i'mma stealin his liquor!

Securitim: I'm here! Your match is surprisingly quickly ready as always!

Mario: Alright! You all know the drill! Goombella and Koops! Come with me! Flurrie! You roll around in shit like a sick dog!

Flurrie: YOU GOT IT!

And the crowd went wild for another Glory Hole Gladiator Jamberry. Food was fighting everywhere, the audience members were brawling over what their favorite animes are, and shit was crazy as they impatiently anticipated the fight.

Grubba: GUYS AND GIRL GALORE! YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!? ANOTHER GAME FOR GLORY THAT'S WHAT! FOR THIS NEXT FIGHT, WE HAVE THE HYPERACTIVE EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME SUICIDAL DRUG ADDICTS OF THE CANCER HOLOCAUST! SCREAM AND SHOUT FOR THE BOMBING PIECES OF BOMB!

The Speakers played Symphony of Destruction by Megadeth as the crowd got excited as Master Crash and 3 other Bob-Omb buddies ran on stage in excitement to get their asses kicked. Is that even a spoiler at this point?

Grubba: NEXT STOP, WE HAVE OUR FAMOUS MURDERERS THAT ARE SOMEHOW NOT BANNED FROM THE GLORY HOLE YET! LET'S GIVE IT UP HARD FOR, THE GREAT GONZALES! And his friends…

Ain't talkin bout Love by Van Halen duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duuuuh duh duh DUH, DUH DUH, DUH DUUUUUH, DUH DUH DUH DUUUH DUH DUH!

Master Crash: ALRIGHT GONZALES! THIS TIME, YOU'RE THE 1 THATS GONNA GET BOMBING BOMBED IN THE BOMB HOLE BY MY BOMBING BOMB IN YOUR BOMB SO I CAN BOMB YOU!

Mario: WHAT'S THAT? I CAN'T MAKE OUT WHAT YOUR SAYING WITH ALL THE BOMB STUTTERS! WAIT I KNOW, YOU MEAN, YOUR THE 1 THATS GONNA GET FUCKING RAPED IN THE GLORY HOLE BY MY MARIO DICK IN YOUR ASS SO I CAN FUCK YOU!

Master Crash: NO! THATS WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE BOMBING DOING! RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I BOMBED YOUR MOM MAN! I BOMBED YOU BOMBING MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 25/63

Goombella: Power Level 25/50

Koops: Power Level 45/56

Flurrie: Hopefully not raping the egg in the egg hole...

FP: 2/10

V.S.

Bob-omb 1 (Age 26): Power Level 12

Bob-omb 2 (Age 26): Power Level 12

Bob-omb 3 (Age 26): Power Level 12

Master Crash: Power Level 12

Battle Music: War Ensemble by Slayer.

Goombella uses Tattle: You remember your days of Super Mario Bros. 3 right? So yeah. You know what these things are then. I guess all you need to know about them here is that if you attack them 1ce, that it will set them off to explode in your face.

Master Crash: YEAH! EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE WHEN I BOMB ALL OVER IT!

Goombella: Mario! Kick his ass for interrupting my tattle!

Koops uses shell shocker shell bowling ball blast on Bob-omb 1 setting him off: [2 Damage]

Mario: IT WAS MY TURN ASSHOLE!

Mario smacked Koops in the face upside his head: [1 Damage]

Koops: OWW!

Bob-omb 1 suicidally exploded on Koops: [3 Damage]

Mario: Fuck! That smack was NOT supposed to count as my attack!

Bob-omb 2 ran into Koops: [1 Damage]

Bob-omb 3 ran into Koops: [1 Damage]

Bob-omb 4 I mean... Master Crash ran into Koops: [1 Damage]

Koops: Sheeeit GG. My ass in danger.

Mario: Why can't you remember to counter?

Koops: I can do that yo, but they all 2ice as fast as my ass man!

[TURN 2]

Koops did another bowling ball blast but at Bob-Omb 2 this time.

Mario: I have 1 more item I forgot about and I think I'm gonna use it.

Mario pulled out his Mystery Box he had since chapture 3 - 13.

Mario slowly cut the ribbons and opened the box slowly and of all things to pop out, the psychopathic murder-fucker; Jeffrey Dahmer came out of the box surprising every1.

Koops: Who dat?

Jeffery (Age 34): HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERES JEFFERY!

Jeffrey pulled out his knife and shit and started stabbing some of the Bob-Ombs to deth making them bleed gun powder everywhere.

Master Crash: HOLY BOMB! I'M BOMBING OTTA HERE!

Master Crash forfeited and ran off

[END OF BATTLE]

Mario leveled up to Level 9 increasing his BP up to 15.

[MURDER MODE]

Mario: I've heard of assist trophies, but DAMN!

Jeffrey Dahmer began climbing the seating admission areas and started stabbing random audience members in blood and gore, not to mention all the quick rape he was doing to the flesh wounds of the corpses of families!

Goombella: OH MY GOD! I THOUGHT JEFFERY DAHMER WAS DED!

Mario: Yeah no kidding. Who would have thought! Jeffrey Dahmer; the original Murder-Fucker! Damn! ... proooooooooooblably not a good idea to order another mystery box again huh?

Goombella: No its not...

Mario: Yeah...

Jeffery Dahmer: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA DIE DIE DIE!

Grubba pulled out a walkie talkie.

Grubba: SECURITIMS! SECURITIMS! WE HAVE A MASS MURDERER YOU GUYS NEED TO GUN DOWN! STAT!

Securitim: ROGER ROGER!

Grubba: LETS CUT TO COMMERCIAL! NOW!

[COMMERCIAL MODE]

You know, Super Man saves lives. In the army, they also saves lives. Don't you wanna be like…. Super Man? JOIN THE ARMY! NOW!

Based off a real commercial.

[END OF COMMERCIAL MODE]

30 Securitims entered the Bloody Dojo trying to dodge the thousands of people stampeding away not wanting to get murder-fucked. It was pretty horrifying and graphic to say the least.

The Securitim team eventually surrounded Jeffrey Dahmer and gunned him down ded! [100 Damage]

Jeffrey Dahmer murdered 17 people now making his murder count up to 34. 2ice as much from when he was alive up until 92.

[END OF MURDER MODE]

Mario: All this over a fucking mystery box... DAMN!

Goombella: I guess Mystery Boxes really can be literally be anything. Even a portal from hell.

NOW GO READ PART 2!