Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! (Uncut Version)

by IAMMaster

A guilty pleasure designed to emotionally scar people who love Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. (This includes myself) The Master Has Spoken. Chapture 6: 100% IAM BACK!

5. Chapture 4: Of Glitz and Gloryholes!(P2)

Disclaimers: READ PART 1

Super Mario and the

Thousand Year Drama!

(Uncut Version)

Chapture 4: Of Glitz and Gloryholes!

PART 2!

Chapture 4 - 13: IRON YOSHI!

After that horrifying outcome of a battle, Mario with his 4 partners were being escorted to a police helicopter by Jolene, Grubba, and 2 Securitims. As they were about to get placed in an island full of terrorists. Mario and the rest of them were handcuffed. Even the egg.

Mario: THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD HAVE HAD ANY IDEA THAT JEFFERY FUCKING DAHMER WAS GOING TO COME OUT OF THE FUCKING BOX!

Jolene: YOU ARE A MENACE WHO HAD AUDIENCE MEMBERS GET MURDERED! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH DEEP SHIT YOU GOT US IN!? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU'VE TURNED THIS PLACE INTO DED MAN WONDERLAND!?

Koops: Well uhh…... Its uhh…. not so bad yo! Alot of people lived.

Jolene: THEY FELL OFF GLITZVILLE IN PANIC AND RUNNING!

Koops: What's with the tape on your glasses and shit? It makes you look kind of stupid.

Jolene: I had to tape it up so I can... Wait. WHY AM I CONVERSATING THIS WITH YOU AT A TIME LIKE THIS!? YOU ALL JUST CREATED A WORLD WIDE NEWS STORY THAT MAY HAVE US SHUT DOWN OUR FIGHTING LEAGUE!

Securitim 1: YOU 5 ARE NEVER GOING TO BREATH THE AIR OF FREEDOM AGAIN!

Mario: OH FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! YOU THINK THAT I'VE NEVER BROKEN OUT OF FUCKING PRISON BEFORE!? WELL YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING ASSHAT!

Goombella was crying a shit ton smearing her make up all over her face. Her eyes were red and she had a hard time breathing knowing what was going to happen to her in prison.

Flurrie: What's wrong Goombella?

Goombella: WHAT DO YOU THINK!? WERE BEING THROWN IN JAIL CAUSE OF YOU FUCKING RETARDS!

Flurrie: It's not so bad. I love prison!

Goombella: THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR A SICK FUCK THAT ACTUALLY ENJOYS GETTING RAPED!

Mario: God damnit Grubba! Can't you talk some sense to these people?

Grubba: Well Id like to help you out sonny, but you see, my hands are tied. I can't keep having people killed every hour. Especially paying audience members. I mean, we might be getting sued soon thanks to you punks! GAAAAAAAAHHH! Securitims! Take these criminals away! I can't stand to look at them!

Chopper Cops: Alright, come on, let's go!

Mario: YOU CAN'T DO THIS YOU FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS! I'M FUCKING MARIO! WHEN I BREAK OUT, I AM GOING TO SINGLE HANDEDLY NUKE GLITZVILLE INTO THE FUCKING OCEAN! THEN IM GONNA NUKE THIS WHOLE FUCKING RETARDED REGION INtO THE FIERY PITS OF HADES! FUCK YOU GRUBBA, FUCK YOU JOLENE, FUCK YOU SECURITIMS, FUCK GLITZVILLE, FUCK THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM, AND FUCK YOU TEAM MATES! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAVE LISTONED TO PRINCESSFUCKING CUNT FACE! WHEN I BREAK OUT I'M KILLING ALL OF YOU AND I WILL RAPE ALL OF YOUR CORPSES IN SLOW FUCKING MURDEROUS NIGGER KIKE SPIK WAYS YOU FAGGOT RETARDS CAN'T FUCKING IMAGINE! I AM IMMORTAL BITCH! I CAN DO WHATEVER I PLEASE CAUSE I'M FUCKING MARIO! I WILL RAPE YOU! NO! I WILL NIGGERAPE YOU ALL WITH MY FUCKING COCK! I TAKE NO PRISONERS! YOU WILL ALL DIE BY THE HANDS OF ME! I WILL CALL MIYAMOTO AND IAMMASTER, AND THEY ARE GOING TO WIPE YOU FUCKING CHODES OFF THE FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK PLANET! IM THE BEST! AND YOU ARE ALL NOT, YOU FUCKING RETARDED RETARDS FROM OUTER SPACE! I WILL DESTROY YOU! I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL! I WILL MAKE RAGNOROK HAPPEN BITCH AND YOU ALL WILL WISH YOU HAVE NEVER FUCKED WITH MARIO! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The handcuffed Mario just continued cursing from then on out while he kept kicking Securitims and Cops on the legs.

Koops: Man. I can't believe my ass is gonna get raped by a bunch of not so flah terrorists. And that ain't no lie.

Goombella: WHY ARE YOU ACTING BLACK AT A TIME LIKE THIS!?

Koops: Cause I'm a real G thick and thin!

Goombella: NO YOUR NOT ASSHOLE! *SNIFF* I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! MY PARENTS ARE GONNA HATE ME FOR LIFE, I'M NEVER GONNA FINISH COLLEGE, AND I'M GONNA SPEND TO REST OF MY LIFE GETTING FUCKING RAPED AND IMPREGNATED BY PACKS OF FUCKING NIGGERS AND TERRORISTS! I'LL BE RAPED TILL PROBABLY I DON'T KNOW? THE DAY I GET STABBED TO DETH! LIKE SERIOUSLY! DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO PRETTY GOOMBAS LIKE ME IN GUANTANAMO BAY!? ITS TERRIBLE!

Flurrie: Guys, the eggs been hopping alot lately, almost like his pooter is ready to crack.

Koops: Yeah. And now he's gonna be born in prison too hehe. Well... At least while i'm getting raped, I can get some1 to finish my tattoos.

Goombella: IM KILLING YOU IN PRISON 1ST THING KOOPS!

Koops: Sheeit. Man. All this over a fucking item box and shit. It ain't like it was our asses fault that that happened.

Mario: WAIT! What did you just say Koops!?

Koops: I said it ain't our faults G. They call it a Mystery box for a reason. So what's with the treason?

Mario: THATS IT! That just gave me an IDEA! Grubba! You love money right!?

Grubba: I sure do!

Mario: Well think about it. Its a mystery box. We had no idea Jeffery Dahmer of all people was going to pop out of the box. I mean, it could have been anything and I mean, literally anything. To shrooms, to stars, to porno, to a sandwich, to Al Gore, to Alabama, to Giant Talking Space Vadgellies from Space. ANYTHING! Who knows. If anything, you guys should be sueing the company that makes the mystery boxes. Not us. We thought it would be some fire weed to help us in [BATTLE MODE]! or something. Jeffrey Dahmer was the last thing we'd expect.

Koops: Well actually, i'd say 2nd to last!

Mario: You're not helping!

Jolene: But you still opened the mystery box knowing that it could have been anyth-

Mario: BLAH BLAH BLAH Get the rusty dildo out of your bloody cunt and liston!

Mario: All I'm saying is that you people should sue the Mystery Box company before people start suing you. I mean, yeah, this story is all over the news now, but maybe it's not too late to reroute people's attention to the company responsible for selling a faulty box in the 1st place. Don't you think we're kind of victims here as well? I mean, we could have gotten murder-fucked by him too. Besides, I think there's something severely fucked up about people in charge of Mystery Boxes who would allow a Jeffrey Dahmer to be in a box. Think about it. If we haven't purchased that box, some1 else would have. And that outcome would have possibly been in a playground or something from a boyfriend giving his girlfriend a wedding gift or something. Would you want something like that to happen somewhere else? No.

Jolene: Well how do we know you didn't just peek in the box before hand? You could have known he was in there under our noses this whole time?

Mario: Thats bullshit. If you watch the recording, you would notice that when I pulled out that box that it was tied in its ribbons that the company designs it to have. They have a trade mark wrapping paper system that cannot be counterfeited. So you're wrong. Even so, how the hell would we be able to pull out Jeffrey Dahmer from fucking no where?

Grubba: So if what you're saying is true, it's the mystery box companies fault. So that means not only can we sue them for more money, but the families of the lost relatives would also sue the same company instead of us as well?

Jolene: We have to thoroughly scan the box Mario used and compare it to another mystery box to see if he's telling the truth. Well... Even if Gonzales is innocent, I still think we should omit him from the roster system anyway cause he still is very dangerous.

Grubba: Now hold on Jolene! Its controversy like this that really makes money fly out of our asses! This man and his crew here! They're stars when it comes to controversy!

Jolene: We should still validate proof though!

Mario: You want proof? Read from chapture 3 - 13 to now! There's a part where I go to a shop in the Great Tree of Boggly Woods called Puni Pun's Party Shop or something like that. Don't ask why there was a shop opened at the time even though the Punies were being imprisoned by the X-Nauts. Its not important! Anyway, I sold a fire flower and bought Ice Cocaine and a Mystery box. Ask the clerk of my records of shopping there. Then ask the clerk where they get mystery boxes and see if you can get them to scan the serial number of my box. If its on there which it clearly is, that proves that it was not our faults!

Jolene: Hmm... Fine. I guess you win. *sigh* Let them go Securitims.

Jolene: We'll hire some Securitims to do all that work for us.

Grubba: SWEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

The Securitims unhandcuffed Mario and his team.

Securitim: But wait, the man still assaulted us.

Mario: Yeah, because you guys were being fucking assholes. And it was light kicking by the way!

Securitim: Oh yeah... Good point.

Goombella: Wait? So does this mean we're free to go!?

Koops: And we still getta keep our badass ranks!?

Grubba: Yes, Yes, and Yes! Were dropping the charges for now.

Goombella: OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Flurrie: Oh my goodness thank you so much Grubba! Oh ho I can just kiss you!

Cops: Step away from the purple thing maam!

The cops held Flurrie at gunpoint causing her to hold her hands high up.

Flurrie: Mmm... No need to get so fiesty boys...

Jolene: You know, if we find out this act of yours was somehow intentional, I will see to it that you will be arrested.

Mario: Yeah well, we didn't do shit, so fuck you!

Jolene: Fine. Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 11.

Jolene handed Mario 7 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse us, we must get going.

Mario: Phew hehe. Close call, right every1?

Goombella: YOU ALMOST GOT US ARRESTED! IM REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD TO JOKE AROUND RIGHT NOW!

Mario: Why not? We bought a faulty product like I said. So it wasn't our faults.

Koops: Yei so lets just keep it reel aight?

Goombella: ... NO! I don't wanna "keep it real!" I'M STILL SHIVERING FROM THAT EXPERIENCE!

Mario: Relax! You have nothing to worry about! Our adventure still continues and besides, even if we did wind up in prison, I would have escaped from crawling inside a toilet, I would have grabbed some stardust to break through the walls like The fucking Thing from Fantastic 4, and I would have broke you all free. Then, we would have gone with my Plan B and we could have snuck in the champion's room to steal Cawk Rawker's belt. Or beat him up. I don't care. The point is, is that were fine. And the adventure still lives on! You still wanna do this college vacation adventure right?

Goombella: Well yeah! No shit I do. Clearly you know i'm willing to go an incredible length to open the 1000 Year Door. From fighting Dragons, to Nazi KKK rip off people. An arrest record would not have stopped me. But seriously, you really are a dangerous fuck.

Mario: Yeah! But i'm the kind of a dangerous fuck that never loses. So by that logic, you're all safe at all times with me!

Koops: You know what will calm our asses down?

Goombella: What?

Koops: Going to a drug shop!

Mario Goombella Flurrie and Yoshi Egg: ...

Koops: You know? For some drugs?

Mario Goombella Flurrie and Yoshi Egg: ...

Koops: Uhh... Anybody?

Mario Goombella Flurrie and Yoshi Egg: ...

Mario and his M Team entered a drug shop named Suspicious Souvenirs to buy 3 Super Shrooms, 2 Lightning Blottos, 2 Earth Acid, 2 Power Hawaiian Punch, and 1 Item swapper.

[Inventory: 3 Super Shrooms, 2 Lightning Blottos, 2 Earth Acids, 2 Power Hawaiian Punch, and 1 item swapper.]

Back to the locker room.

Master Crash: HI MARIO! THAT WAS A BOMBING GREAT MATCH! YOU REALLY BEAT ME FAIR AND BOMBING SQUARE HUH?

Mario: If that's sarcasm, I don't give a shit.

Master: NO MAAAAAAAAAN! I'M BEING BOMBING SERIOUS! THAT WAS QUITE THE RABBIT YOU PULLED OUT OF YOUR HAT HUH? BY THAT I MEAN, THE JEFFREY DAHMER YOU PULLED OUT OF THAT BOX! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU KILLED MY TEAM MATES! THAT WAS BOMBING AWESOOOOOOOME!

Goombella: So you really aren't mad that we did that?

Master Crash: NUH UH! THOSE GUYS WERE BOMBiNG PUSSBOMBS! YOU DID ME A FAVOR BRAH! PLUS! OUR MATCH IS ALL OVER THE NEWS! I'M BOMBING FAMOUS ITS BOMBING INSANE! SEE LOOK!

Master Crash showed them the facebook news trend.

Master: READ ALL ABOUT IT ON YOUR OWN TIMES! BUT YEAH! BOMBING COOL RIGHT!?

Koops: Dayamn! I should have laid down more of mah raps for them peeps behind the screen!

Mario: Please. You really need to stop the rap shit. You've been on this kick for way too many sub chaptures so far. It's beyond old.

Koops: You just haven't heard me lay down mah reel rhymes!

Mario: No! There are no real rhymes! You've proven time and time again that you are incapable of rap. Do you hear how abysmal your rap shit is? Everytime you speak, I briefly visualize in my head fucked up ways to kill you. I'm not even joking.

Cleftor came back to the locker room with his pieces assembled together with the powers of glue.

Master Crash: HOLY BOMB! CLEFTORS ALIVE! HE'S A ZOMBIE RUUUUUUUUUN!

Master Crash crashed into the wall compulsively. He didn't explode. He just hit his dumb head.

Cleftor: Yeah, so the glue finally dried off and now I can walk again.

Koops: Sweet! Can you finish up mah tatt now?

Cleftor: Fuck you. I just came back to life asshole.

Master Crash: YEAH! SHOW SOME BOMBING RESPECT YOU DIP BOMB!

Cleftor: Yeah Gonzales. That was the best finishing blow I've ever seen though. I've never even heard of any1 that took his hammer and smashed the ground breaking his opponents. Thats just insane. You actually deserve that victory.

Goombella: So none of you are pissed at us?

Master Crash: NO! YOU BEAT US IN CREATIVE WAYS! I MEAN, YOU GAVE KING K INTERNAL BLEEDING, SCARED BANDY ANDY AWAY, SMASHED CLEFTOR, AND MAKE ME RUN AWAY TOO! THAT'S BOMBING AWESOME! BESIDES! NOW YOU CAN FINALLY TAKE DOWN THOSE GUYS THAT BROUGHT ME DOWN TO THE BOMBING MINOR LEAGUES! RANK BOMBING 10! THE ARMORED SAINTS!

Flurrie: They sound... big…

Goombella: I thought it was Rawk Hawk that brought you down.

Cleftor: Ugg…. The Armored Saints are my metal elitist cousins. They're really tough despite them being the lowest ranking major leaguers. They wouldn't let me join their band cause they thought that I'm just a shitty musician cause I play punk. They're all like "Maybe you can join. If you can handle music school faggot! HAHAHHAHAHA" SHUUUUUUUT UP! God I HATE them!

Mario: They don't sound like normal Metal heads.

Cleftor: NO THEY'RE NOT! Their the kind that give their own genre a bad name for every1 else!

Jolene guided a blind bat character with the nickname of Sir. Swoop given by Grubba himself.

Jolene: RIght this way Sir Swoop.

Sir Swoop accidently flew into a wall attempting to fly through the door hole.

Sir. Swoop: OWW! Fuck...

Sir Swoop made it through on his 2nd attempt.

Goombella: When did they have the time to recruit some1 new?

Jolene: This is your locker room, yeah I know it's a bit on the crummy side. you'll have unpleasant locker mates, piles of waste everywhere, the bathrooms clogged, there's an orange dripping thing from the ceiling for a few years now... but if you don't like it here, I suggest to rank up to the major leagues.

Jolene: When you're ready to fight, use our smart pad here. It only has 2 options. Reserving a Match, and Viewing the Rankings.

Sir. Swoop: I'M FUCKING BLIND! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO USE THAT?

Jolene: And 1ce when you reserve a match, Grubba will then decide who you'll match up against by looking at whose higher or lower than you on the roster. You will have no say in this since that's part of the contract. Why don't you try it 1ce? Walk up to the screen and hit "Reserve a Match". Is that clear?

Sir Swoop: WHAT CONTRACT!? IM BLIND!

Goombella: Wow. She's really bad at her job.

Jolene: Don't you understand how to use a smart pad?

Sir Swoop: NO I DON'T!

Jolene: *Sigh* I'll do it for you. I expect you to understand how this works or you will be kicked off the roster!

Grubba: Well howdy! Long time no see Sir Swoop!? Ready to get yer wings dirty in ways you don't want to imagine? There you go, son! I got a treat fer you: yer first battle's gonna be against the Goomba Brahz. There a team of raping rhyming Goombas and they're hippo humping horny! So that means your flaps have to be greater than their faps if your lookin to win tonight's fight. By the way, before I sign off, I want you for this match for you to do a triple non barrel roll and spin your penis around! The crowd likes it when animals do perverted degrading things. Seriously.

Jolene: Good. Your match is new reserved. But for now on after you reserve a match, just wait until a Securitim comes to get you. And if you continue to have any other complications regarding not seeing anything, consider yourself banned from Glitzville.

Sir Swoop: I SHOULD SUE YOU!

Jolene: Just come with me so you can start your match... I swear. This is the worst replacement for any of the 4 teams that either died or went missing today.

Sir Swoop tried following Jolene but still kept running into shit.

Sir Swoop: OWW! WHY DID I SIGN UP FOR THIS SHIT!?

Mario: Well that was pretty retarded.

Master Crash: OOOOOOOO... NEW RECRUITS! THATS BOMBING AMAZING! I WONDER WHY HE DIDN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SHIT SMELL IN THIS ROOM? I MEAN, SHOULDN'T HIS OTHER SENSES BE LIKE, HEIGHTENED!? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! NO! SENSE!

Koops: Sure it does! You know? Just because! My Name is K-C REEL, and i'm all about dat feel. I like free meals cause they got appeals!

Master Crash: SHUT YOUR GODDAMN PIE HOLE! THERE'S MORE TO RAPPING THAN PULLING SHITTY RHYMES OUT OF YOUR BOMB!1 GOD I CAN'T STAND YOU! GONZALES, GET THIS GUY OTTA HERE AND RESERVE YOUR MATCH!

Mario: Sure.

Mario activated reserve match mode.

Grubba: Howdy Mario! Howz it crackin?

Koops: Wait, ain't you supposed to be in dat match watchin shit?

Grubba: Sometimes, I sneak back into my office to do a line of COCAINE! Alright alright I'M ADDICTED! BIG DEAL! Welp, good news. You were right, sueing the Mystery Box industry is helping our business alot. Now crowds are packin harder than ever! Glitzville may even sink the seat are so booked! Welp, I bet you wanna start another match don't yuh? How about against your 1ST MAJOR LEAGUER! Thats right! Number 10! The rootin tootin Armored Saints! Take these guys out, and you'll be guaranteed a seat to the MAJOR LEAGUES! YEEHAW! Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk! Hoo-wee! Alright, so for this match, I DEMAND YOU TO EMPTY YOUR POCKETS FOR THIS MATCH! Know why? CAUSE REAL MEN DON'T USE ITEMS IN BATTLE! JUST ASK BATMAN! HE'LL TELL YOU! So you got that Great G? Oh who am I kidding, OF COURSE YOU DO! You always get it! ALRIGHT! BREAK A LEG PARTNAH!

Call End.

Goombella: Hmm... I thought they were supposed to get Securitims to fly to Boggly Woods to investigate.

Theres no way it would be such a quick process.

Mario: Thats because it wasn't. Grubba is the impulsive type. Especially when it comes to money.

Goombella: I guess thats true.

Cleftor: Aww man... Careful while fighting against my cousins. Rumors say that they are so tough, that they don't even have defense. I mean, they have infinite defense. So their power levels are like, infinity man.

Goombella: ... Thats stupid. No 1 has a power level of infinity. Thats just ridiculous.

Mario: Besides, if they had infinite defense, then why aren't they the champions? I mean, wouldn't even the current champion eventually tire out in a fight against them or something? They're in rank fucking 10 or some shit!

Master Crash: WHO CARES! ITS COMPLICATED! I DON'T GET IT BOMBING EITHER!

Cleftor: I recommend bringing all of your partners for this match!

Securitim: Mr. Gonzales. Prepare to be annihilated... I mean... just try and stay golden.

Mario: Alright. Fine. All 3 of you. Let's go. Guys! Watch the egg.

Cleftor: I believe in you Gonzales!

Master Crash: WIN FOR ME GONZALES! DO IT FOR THE BOMBS!

Meanwhile during the match of Sir Swoop losing to the Goomba Braz, Grubba kicked both teams off in the middle of their match to rudely announce a new more interesting match.

Grubba: PENIS PILGRIMS AND VADGELLY VAGABONDS! THIS FIGHT IS NOW OVER!

Audience: ?

Sir Swoop: WHAT THE HELL GRUBBA!?

Grubba sat on Sir. Swoop crushing his body flat.

Grubba: BECAUSE GONZALES IS ABOUT TO FIGHT AGAIN! AND I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU FOLKS DIG GONZALES!

Audience: YEAH! GONZALES! MARIO! GONZALES! MARIO! NO ITS GONZALES! NO ITS MARIO! NO ITS GONZALES! NO ITS MARIO! NO ITS GONZALES! RRRRAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Pretty soon, all of the audiance members were straight up duking it out over whether it's Gonzales or Mario. This is 1 of those fights where they're both right. The highest rate of Mario cosplayers in the audience was through the roof. Not only were they having sloppy fist fights with Armored Saints fans, but the Mario/ Gonzales fans were playing fistacuffs over stupid retarded bullshit like whether his name is Mario and Gonzales. Oh wait. I just said that. But yeah. Parents were not afraid to throw their own children as projectiles to prove their point.

Grubba: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! FOR THE SAKE OF YOU GONZALES GLUTTONS! LETS BRING THE MAN AND HIS STRANGE FRIENDS IN HERE 1ST! SCREAM AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGES FOR, THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONALESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!1

Before Mario had entered the stage, the audience members cheered a shit ton to the point where some of them went as far as blowing out their vocal chords.

Ain't Talkin Bout Love by Van Halen you get the idea. Mario, and the 3 born partners entered the stage while Mario flipped every1 off causing the audience to cheer for him even more! Koops did some rap gestures causing people to throw children at him.

Grubba: SO GONZALES! LET'S RAP FOR A BIT!

Koops: MY NAME IS KOOPS AND I'M H-

Grubba: HOW DOES IT FEEL ALMOST GETTING ARRESTED AND HAVE THE CHARGES DROPPED SOON AFTER YOUR LAST MATCH?

Mario: IT FEEL GREAT! WANNA KNOW WHY? CAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING BIG BLACK DICK POKING ME IN MY ANAL CYSTS!

Audiance: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY! OWWWWWWWWWW!

Grubba: THAT DOES FEEL GREAT DOESN'T IT!? NOW I GOT JUST 1 MORE QUESTION FOR YOU!

Mario: I DONT GIVE A SHIT! LETS START THE FUCKING MATCH ALREADY SO I CAN RUIN MORE PEOPLE'S LIVES!

Grubba: YOU SAID IT! LETS BRING IT OUT FOR, THE ARMORED SAINTS!

The speakers started blasting The Trooper by Iron Maiden as the Armored Saints gruffly stomped their feet making their way to the Glory Hole causing horrifying minor earthquakes do to their vast weight. You know what? Just for the sake of offensive fanservice, why don't we say that the boobs of every female and male with boobs started jiggling a shit ton.

Flurrie: Mmmmmm... My mellons feel like vibrating speakers if you know what I mean...

Goombella: Stop it... Seriously…. just.. stop it.

Armored Dickenson (Age 41): METAL RULES!

Armored Beloff (Age 41): IF YOU LIKE ANYTHING ELSE, YOU'RE LAME AND NOT METAL!

Grubba: HYUK HYUK HYUK! ALRIGHT ARMORED SAINTS, I HAVE TO INFORM YOU OF 1 THING AND 1 THING ONLY! GONZALES WAS JUST BRAGGING TO ME ABOUT HOW HE HAD SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER AND GOT HER PREGNANT! THEN HE ABORTED THE BABY WITH HIS OWN DICK BY FUCKING HER EVEN HARDER! THEN HE BEAT HER IN MARIO PARTY 7! AND SHE STARTED CRYING! SO THEN HE TIED HER TO A FLAGPOLE AND STARTED PAINTING HER FACE WITH HIS SCROTUM! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? HE SAID YOUR MOM HAD A C-SECTION CAUSE YOU GUYS ARE SO FAT! AND THEN HE CALLED YOU GUYS BOOGER HEADS! ARE YOU GONNA TAKE THAT!?

Mario: I... never said or did any of that. Although he did describe my behavior quite accurately.

Armored Dickenson: WHAT THE FUCK!? HOW DID HE KNOW THAT WE WERE C-SECTION BABIES!? WE TAKE PRIDE IN IT BECAUSE IT'S METAL! THAT MAKES ME SO MAD THAT YOU'D MAKE FUN OF IT! I'M GONNA TURN YOU ALL INTO CHEWING TOBACCO! AND SPIT YOU OUT ONLY TO BE LICKED UP BY UN-NEUTERED ANIMALS! OH AND BY THE WAY, ONLY BOOGER HEADS CALL OTHER PEOPLE BOOGER HEADS SO HA!

Armored Beloff: BRO! DON'T STINK TO THEIR LEVEL! ITS NOT AS METAL THAT WAY! LETS JUST SHOW EM' BOOGER HEAD POSERS WHAT THRASHING IS ALL ABOUT! CAUSE WE'RE NOT BOOGER HEADS! WERE NOT! BOOGER HEADS! WE'RE JUST NOT! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!1 WERE SEEKING AND DESTROYING THESE PUNKS IN THE NAME OF BLOOD, TITS, FIRE! CAUSE WE LIKE TO DESTROY ANYTHING THAT IS LAME AND NOT METAL! LIKE PONIES! AND FLOWERS! AND WALMART! AND MOST OF ALL! JUSTIN BIEBER!

Mario: Okay.

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 63

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Armored Dickenson: Power Level Infinity

Armored Beloff: Power Level Infinity

Mario: OH COME ON! INFINITY!? WHAT THE FUCK!

Battle Music: Win Hands Down by Armored Saint

[TURN 1]

Armored Beloff: Just so you know, we got our name The Armored Saints from a band known Armored Saint. They're a Heavy Metal band from the 80s! 1 of Anthrax's vocalist is in that band! Did you know that!?

Mario: No I don't and I don't care!

Armored Dickinson: BOOGER HEAD!

Mario: For fuck sakes, there must be a way past their duration. Do your tattle Goombella so it can put my mind at ease and my foot in their ass.

Goombella uses Tattle: These are Iron Clefts. They're pretty rare. The scoreboard really isn't kidding about their power level. Looks like it is infinity... Hmm... It looks like it's HP is 6 while its attack is 4 so that minus the defense would be 18. So thats good cause maybe we might be able to finish these guys in a couple of turns as soon as we figure out their weakness. But the book does say that no attacks can pierce the defense of these hard, metallic Clefts. Are they impossible to defeat?

Mario: Of course not! Otherwise, they'd be the fucking champions!

Goombella: Well, maybe they're new or just like being in rank 10 for some reason.

Mario: I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT AS A VALID RATIONAL! KOOPS! ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Koops uses shell slam as ineffective results seemed to have happened: [0 Damage]

Mario: DAMNIT KOOPS! YOU STUPID FUCK!

Koops: My ass is sorry!

Goombella: Wait, Mario. This could be a little risky, but I have an idea. Repeat that while holding the Star of Wrath! Theres no way they can't get hurt by that!

Mario: Oh.

Mario raised the Star of Wrath holding it for results of an earth tremor.

Flurrie: How would that hurt them?

Goombella: Just watch!

Mario: *Ahem* DAMNIT KOOPS! YOU STUPID FUCK!

The star glowed and growed to the size of some1's garage and shook up the enemies and the audience creating even more non visual fan service. As epic as this move was, it did absolutely: [0 Damage]

Mario: NOOOOOOOO! HOW DID THAT NOT DO SHIT TO THEM!?

Goombella: WHAT!? THATS... IMPOSSIBLE! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO CUT THROUGH THEIR DURATION!

Armored Dickenson: Ble he he he... That didn't do shit poser faggots.

Armored Beloff: Yeah! Why don't you listen to some Slipknot backwards and kill yourself! Her Her Her..

Armored Dickinson bashed into Koops stabbing parts of his shell almost stabbing through to his heart: [3 Damage]

Koops: OWW!

Armored Dickenson: Your turn Beloff!

Armored Dickinson bashed into Koops also stabbing parts of his shell almost stabbing his heart: [3 Damage]

Koops: OOOOOOO!

Koops fell on his side in shimmering pain. Don't worry. He can get back up. He's not on his back.

[TURN 2]

Armored Dickenson: HE HE HE! Look at us! Look how tough we are!

Armored Beloff: Yeah! You guys don't even stand a chance even in a faggot Metalcore band!

Koops: Ugg... Im aight.

Goombella: Shit... I don't know if we have any more moves left...

Mario: I can think of 1.

Mario uses his Piercing Blow badge for the 1st time to cut through Armored Dickenson's defense. Like in the actual game, this hammer move some how did not work even though IT SHOULD HAVE: [0 Damage]

Mario: Okay. Now were out of moves...

Flurrie: Now what do we do?

Mario: Do what we do in last resort! Hope for some stupid shit to happen...

Koops appealed to the audience by holding up gang hand gestures. This actually boosted some SP. Oh wait, I never established SP in the series yet I don't think... Well, for those that have never played the 1st 2 Paper Marios, it stands for Star Power, and it's used to awaken the powers of the 7 dedly stars.

Koops: Sorry GG... Thats all I could think of doing.

Armored Dickinson moshed into Mario stabbing him mostly on his left arm damaging it a shit ton: [Damage 4]

Mario: FUCK! THAT DOES HURT!

Armored Beloff: HAHAHA! Ready to give up now booger face?

Mario: *panting*... Baeth in my taint juice asshole.

Armored Beloff does the same, only Mario somehow countered it by using his side B move from Smash Bros: [0 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Mario: BUT... THE COUNTER ALWAYS CUTS THROUGH DEFENSE!

Koops: Ah dayamn... I think we all otta options and shit...

Goombella: ... I hate to say this Mario and I never thought I would... but I think we better give up now before we get killed off by these steroid goblins.

Mario: Fuck that! If we give up now, we'll only have to fight them again!

Goombella: I'm so sorry, but I just don't think we have the resources to win this match.

Mario: YES WE DO! There's always a way to beat fuckheads! Im fucking Mario remember!?

Goombella: But I don't know how much that logic is going to pay off this time! I mean, I don't want to bail on this battle either, but we might need to plan this 1 out better!

Mario: NO! If we lose, our adventure is over and we'll never get past these beasts! And I am not gonna fucking lose to ANY1!

Mario uses a desperate hammer smash on Armored Dickinson doing absolutely nothing: [0 Damage]

Armored Dickinson: …..Really dude?

Armored Beloff: NO 1 CAN BREAK THROUGH OUR IRON EXTERIORS! NO 1!

Koops skipped his turn not knowing what to do.

Koops: I think Goombella is right yo! Lets just leave! We'll find another way later yo!

Mario: WE CANT!

Armored Dickinson does his most average attack on Mario without him countering: [4 Damage]

Mario: AAHHHHH! WERE NOT... GONNA LOOSE!

Armored Beloff did the same: [4 Damage]

[TURN 4]

Mario was pretty badly damaged with half of his health still left and bloody all over with 1 of his eyes shut.

Mario: We can... still... Win...

Goombella: WE HAVE TO GIVE UP MARIO! CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'LL DIE IF WE DON'T!?

Flurrie: I don't know what other special moves we can do to win this. MMMMaybe we do have to pull out….

Koops: Come on GG! We don't stand a chance... Not with dat D on their shoulders!

Mario: ...

As rare as this is for Mario to do this, he actually had to swallow his pride to think for a second if maybe his partners knew what they're talking about.

Mario: ... *sigh* How about we compromise... We can't give up. I refuse to... But, we have 1 more dedly star we haven't used yet. The Star of Envy remember? If that doesn't work, I think I have another strategy that might work that won't require forfeiting the match necessarily.

Goombella: ... Alright fine... lets use it.

Mario held up the Star of Envy.

Mario: So what? Now I have to get jealous or something?

Goombella: Yeah. It's the Star of Envy for a reason!

Mario: Well how the fuck does that work!? I'm fucking Mario! I have everything ! Plus I am everything!

Koops: I know! Just think about how their Defense in infinite! Maybe that won't make you feel as omnipotent!

Goombella: That was actually.. a decent rhyme...

Mario: ...

The Star of Envy started glowing animating a giant Loony Tunes looking bomb about to blow up on the other team!

Armored Dickinson and Beloff: What's going on!?

Goombella: HOLY SHIT! IS IT GONNA BLOW UP GLITZVILLE!?

Koops: DAYAMN! And we just got off scotch free from dat last booshit!

Goombella: It's getting bigger! What do we do to stop this!?

Armored Dickinson: HAHA. You think a giant bomb is really going to blow us up!?

Armored Beloff: Haven't you non br00tle types not learned your lesson? Pfffff... Lame.

Mario: Wait a second...

The Bomb the star generated some how froze time for every1 accept for the Team M members. That was probably the best outcome that could have happened in that situation.

Mario: HA! Who's laughing now assholes!?

Koops: Whoa whoa whoa? Did the tizzle frizzle!?

Goombella: You mean time and freeze?

Koops: Yeei.

Mario: Apparently so. I don't know for how long though.

Koops: Oh. So dat shits works like a time bomb? That's some sick shit G!

Mario: Alright then. So I don't have any clue when time is going to unfreeze. Although it's most likely going to go by turn based logic which gives us an infinite amount of time to think up a plan.

Goombella: Do you think time is frozen all over the world? or THE UNIVERSE!?

Mario: Lets hope for either or. I kind of wanna find some hot bitches to strip while frozen.

Goombella: Come on Mario! Don't be sexist! Let's use this opportunity to our advantage.

Mario: Your right. Let's quickly run back to our locker room and think of a plan.

Goombella: Why in that gross shit hole?

Mario: I don't know. I kind of have to take a piss right now.

Goombella: ... Alright fine...

Mario: Cool. In the mean time, I still do not intend on forfeiting the match, so Flurrie, I want you to stay put. Don't attack any1 cause it might undo the spell. But incase the frozen time does have a limit and they start attacking, I want you to counter and just keep countering for as long as you can. Don't stop until we come back. And if they ask where we are, say we have to all take a piss and we'll be right back. I think they will actually buy that.

Flurrie: I can do all of that and much more hunny.

Mario: ... Anyway, as for the rest of us, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! SKIDDLY DIDDLY BOP!

Mario, Goombella, and Koops all ran off stage under the noses of the audience members also frozen in time. Will the time ever unfreeze even? Who knows. But yeah. It probably will eventually.

The Team M members were walking down the hallway to their locker room.

Koops: So my ass just realized somethin, what if Flurrie does anoder 1 of her tricks that grosses out everbody when they unfreeze? Like, what if they all quit from the grossness like lickity split and shit?

Mario: ... Nah. Thats happened enough already and it's not exactly very fresh material if that were to happen again.

Goombella: Eww... Was it ever even fresh to begin with?

Mario: I don't know.

As they were about to enter their locker room, a securitim mindlessly blocked their vey.

Securitim: Hey! Aren't you supposed to be fighting in a match right now?

Mario: Yeah but it's okay. were on a piss break so its on hold.

Securitim: Oh. Okay. Enter at will then.

The Obscure tardtastic team made it to their locker room where they were in for a spectacular surprise.

Yoshi (Age JUST FUCKING BORN): Yo! Which 1 of you bitches are my birth parents!?

Mario: Holy shit! Its a Black fucking Yoshi!

For a decent description, its the black Yoshi with the grey diaper and the orange spiky hair with yellow shoes. Assume it took 18 or 19 minutes for the Yoshi to hatch. If the time actually doesn't add up in your heads, FIND A WAY IN YOUR STUPID MINDS TO MAKE IT WORK!

Yoshi: Yei I'm the Black Yoshi! What? You got somethin to say to me? Huh!? Cause man! I can fuck yo ass up like a motha fucka if you cross the line with me bitch!

Goombella: How does he already know how to talk?

Yoshi: Girl, I don't know! I'm a fucking crack baby! That means I can do all kinds of crazy shit!

Koops: Like what Yo yo yoshi!?

Yoshi: Like kick your ass nigga!

Yoshi hopped on Koops and started smacking his face chronically.

Koops: Ow! ow! Ow! Come! on! Ow! Ow! Stop it! Ow! Stop it! Stop! It! Ow! OWW!

Mario: Whoa! How did you know Koops is the punching bag of our group?

Yoshi: Cause! He look like a bitch G! Also, I've actually been payin attention to what's been goin on and shit! Like, I know how you motha fuckaz are after them dedly stars, I know yall are doin that by stealin that champion belt, I know all about yo M-Crew Gonzales! Howz dat for savin time?

Koops: When did we gangsters talk about the belt since we rescued you?

Yoshi: Like I said, I'm a fucking crack baby! No need to play no FBI shit on mah ass! Geez.

Goombella: So wait, if you know all that? Then why did you need to ask if we were your birth parents?

Yoshi: Cause I was PLAYIN with you bitch! I know none of yallz asses birthed me out! My egg ass got stolen by some fuckin pigs in Yoshi's crack house, and yall rescued me from that pig slop fucka that wanted to literally eat my ass! So basically, you allz mah adopted parents now!

Mario: ... why?

Yoshi: So since yallz mah parents, you better give me a cool ass name.

Koops: Ah snap! I'm gonna name you-

Goombella and Mario: NO!

Mario: If it's 1 of your outdated sounding shitty rap names, i'm dinembouling you for the sake of art!

Mario: Hmm... So you want a name do yuh? Hmm... how does Toby sound?

Goombella: Please don't call him that!

Mario: Okay fine! Then how about I call him NIG-

Goombella: DO NOT NAME HIM THAT!

Mario: I was gonna call him Night Ranger but alright!

Goombella: Fuck it! We'll worry about the fucking naming shit later!

Yoshi: Damn! You all dumb as hell! I guess I'll just be Yoshi. That right. I'm naming my ass myself after my own species like we all look alike or some shit. Just for that, you know what Im gonna do?

Yoshi outside of his egg has joined Team M.

Mario: DAMNIT!

[INITIATION MODE]

"Yoshi's Abilities: A Primer"

Like Super Mario World, this Yoshi lets Mario ride his back. Despite being basically a fucking infant, he can somehow support Mario's unpleasantly fat ass on his back without breaking it.

Mario hopped on Yoshi's back.

Mario: Haha! Look at me every1!

Yoshi: GET HIS ASS OFF OF ME!

Mario: NO! Animal Cruelty is funny!

Yoshi started running around jumping all over the place like a crack baby from Kenya.

Yoshi did a ground pound flip to knock Mario into a wall slamming him on a pile of shit.

Mario: That was fun.

Goombella: You're an asshole Mario.

Mario: No shit.

[END OF INITIATION MODE]

Out of No where, Master Crash, and Cleftor came back to the locker room from doing some stuff.

Master Crash: YEAH! SO ME AND CLEFTOR JUST CAME BACK FROM A SECRET BOMBING MEETING!

Cleftor: Yeah! I liked the part where-

Master Crash smacked him to shut him up.

Master Crash: I SAID ITS BOMBING SECRET! SEEEEEEECREEEEEEEET!

Cleftor: Wait a second. You guys are back!? Does that mean you all won?

Master Crash: NO THEY DIDN'T YOU BOMBING BOMBTARD! LOOK AT GONZALES! LOOK HOW COVERED IN BLOOD AND BOMB HE IS! AWW MAN!

Cleftor: He looks like a GG Allin concert all over again.

Master Crash: YOU MEAN GG AS IN GREAT GONZALES!?

Cleftor: No! I mean GG Allin the infamous punk musician who gets naked and throws his fecal matter at the audience. I think he's been referenced quite a few times in this series. Including the current icon that might change at some point.

Mario: No, we didn't lose. Actually, we some how froze time, and we ran off not knowing how to break through their defense. So now we're here and we have a new partner in our team I guess.

Yoshi: Yo sup Bitches!

Master Crash: WHEN DID THAT BOMBING EGG CRACK!?

Cleftor: It must have been while weez were gone.

Goombella: So wait, time didn't stop for you guys at all?

Master Crash: WHAT? NO! THAT MUST HAVE HAPPENED IN THE BOMBING GLORY HOLE EXCLUSIVELY SINCE THATS WHERE YOU UNLEASHED THE SPELL!

Goombella: Aren't people all over watching this show all over the world?

Koops: Yei. I wonder what em' TV viewers watching this are thinking about the time being frozen?

Meanwhile somewhere in Rhode Island,

A random fat drunk asshole was watching the game not knowing why it was frozen while sitting on his couch with nothing but a tank top covered in beer, piss, cheetos, and bits of heart medication.

Peter (Age 44): ... This is the best game of Freeze Tag i've ever seen! MOVE! MOVE ALREADY YOU SON'S OF BITCHES!

Peter pulled a greasy wiimote out between his butt cheeks and taint, and chucked it at the TV breaking it.

Mario: Oh they're fine I guess.

Koops: Wait wait wait! Hod up! So happened to them eggshells?

Goombella: Why is that important right now?

Koops: I don't know. Just thinking up them ideas G!

Yoshi: Daamn! You know, I forgot where I hatched!

Mario: Guys. The shells are under the bench. And there's a bag of weed inside.

Yoshi: That's what that bag was? Holy shit that's pretty dope! Literally!

Goombella: That doesn't make any sense? How can a bag of weed have been inside your egg the whole time?

Mario: WHO CARES! LETS SMOKE THAT SHIT!

Master Crash: YES! YES! YES! YES! SMOKE THE BOMB OUT OF IT!

A half an hour later, Mario, Goombella, Koops, Yoshi, Master Crash, and Cleftor were all sitting around the locker room in a cloud of weed smoke. They were getting high out of their god damn minds talking about absolute bullcrap. They were playing 21st Century Schizoid Man by King Crimson in the background so they can feel even higher from the music itself.

Master Crash: AND THAT'S HOW I GOT THE NAME MASTER CRASH!

Yoshi: Man, do you have to yell everything you say? What's up witdat?

Master Crash: WOOOOOOOOOOW! NO 1 HAS EVER HAD THE BALLS TO CALL ME OUT OF THAT BOMB BEFORE! YA SO LIKE, THERE'S THIS 1 TIME, WHERE I WAS WAY BOMBING DRUNK AND HIGH AS BOMB OUT OF MY BOMBING MIND, SO THEN MY LADY FRIEND I MET ON AN ONLINE FORUM ABOUT WIRING ILLEGAL EXPLOSIVES WANTED TO BOMB! I TRIED, BUT MY BOMB WAS WAYYYY TOO BOMBING LIMP MAN IT WAS EMBARRASSING! PART OF WHY IM KEEPING MY VIRGINITY AT ALL COSTS TOO! SO THEN SHE WAS GOING TO BOMBING LEAVE AND NEVER BOMBING TALK TO ME AGAIN, SO THEN I SAID, WAIT! HOLD ON! I HAVE AN IDEA! SO I RAN INTO MY DAD'S ROOM WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING! I WOKE HIM THE BOMB UP AND SAID, "DAAAAAAAAD! I'M WAY TOO BOMBING DRUNK AND HIGH TO BOMB MY GF! CAN YOU DO IT FOR ME!?" AND HE SAID, "SURE!" THEN THE WALLS STARTED POUNDING FROM ALL THE BOMBING SEX IN THE OTHER ROOM! IT WAS SOOOOOOO BOMBING LOUD AND DISTURBING! I TRIED TELLING THEM TO KEEP IT DOWN, BUT MY VOICE WAS WAY TOO BOMBING QUIET. I REGRETTED NOT BEING LOUD ENOUGH TO ADVOCATE FOR MYSELF PROPERLY, SO SINCE THEN, I MADE A VOW OF BEING LOUD. BECAUSE IF SOMETHING LIKE THAT EVER HAPPENED AGAIN, I'D WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT THEY SHOULD KEEP IT THE BOMB DOWN MAN! AND THAT'S WHY I TALK SO BOMBING LOUD!

Goombella: Wait, so its not because of your crack addiction?

Master Crash: NAH MAN... I MEAN, WOMAN! THAT BOMB EVENS ME OUT!

Goombella: Thats awesome! Holy fuck you guys are so awesoooooooome! Ha! I'm really high right now. LITERALLY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Get it? Cause where in Glitzville. ANd its floating. I think being higher up in altitude is making us even higher!

Koops: So why do you say bomb alot when you wanna swear MC?

Master Crash: BECAUSE IT'S A RELIGIOUS BOMBING THING STUPID! WANNA HEAR ALL ABOUT IT!?

Mario: No! Don't kill my buzz with your idiotic religious crap, I'll kill you with my bare hands and not make it look like a shitty accident. Also, I'm trying to come up with some hard core porn ideas in my mind right now! I see that shit so clearly right now. And the song we're listening to would be in it.

Goombella: Fuck, you know what I've been thinking about lately? Is there a reason why college is so expensive? Like, I don't know... why the fuck do I have to pay money I get from uhh... work... just so that I can..uhh... do tons of work to ... work some more. I mean, yeah, they're providing us with the resources to learn for our money and working with us in return, but it's fucking ridiculous how much money I have to pay.

Mario: Oh thats bullshit. You were telling us last time that your parents pay for college. That, and you've never even worked a job in your sheltered Goomba life! It's amazing you even had the balls to even to come to Ghettoport.

Goombella: ... Quiet! Can't you see i'm trying to sound like I work hard in front of these people!?

Goombella: Plus, its just that I've also been thinking. Do I even really need to finish college? Like, i'm already doing what I want to in my field. I'm totally going on an adventure doing what I love already that a professional would be doing. So…...yeah.

Mario: I doubt many people in that community really care.

Goombella: I bet they will 1ce we open the 1000 year door. Yeah, its not very popular right now, but it USED to be! I bet 1ce we open the treasure, we'll already be famous. So by the end the day, this will totally boost my status as a famous architect within the community world wide!

Koops: Isn't we famous now?

Mario: And you really believe that?

Goombella: You really like being condescending like that don't you? Like, you mean to tell me that a secret organization of possibly 1,000,000 henchmen aren't TOTALLY after what we are? LIke, INVADING shit!? Its a miracle they haven't found us in Glitzville already looking for the next Dedly Star.

Mario: That's exactly why I was telling you we should have stolen the champion's belt instead of becoming famous fighters. Thats pretty much the whole reason why we came here. Like, seriously, doing that would have been 1000x easier than signing up as professional fighters. Like, we could have avoided 11 differant things by doing that so far. Like, what will they think when we leave and the champion's belt goes missing huh? That won't just make shit more suspicious? Seriously, our Team M could have easily gone to like I don't know, some haunted looking level searching for the 4th star by now if we did it that way!

Master Crash: WAIT, SO YOU GUYS ARE UNDER BOMBING COVER PRETENDING TO BE FIGHTERS!?

Cleftor: Holy fucking shit thats awesome!

Goombella: OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT YOU GUYS! So none of you care that we're secretly temporary fighters just for the star on the belt?

Master Crash: NAH MAN! ITS COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE! ESPECIALLY IN THE WAY YOU ALL JUST EXPLAINED IT! ITS BOMBING AWESOME!

Cleftor: Although I will say this, almost any1 else in the leagues would actually be furious, we don't care. FUCK THE SYSTEM MAN! Also, you guys actually can fight. Really well actually.

Mario: Cool. That means I don't have to kill any of you then. You think im kidding dont you?

Master Crash: HOLY FUCK! MY HANDS ARE SO BOMBING HUGE! LIEK, THEY CAN TOUCH EVERYTHING! EVEN THE SKY MAN!

Cleftor: You don't even have any hands.

Master Crash: NEITHER DO YOU! SHUT UP!

Cleftor: Oh yeah!? Well, I bet I know more punk bands than any of you! Watch this, Bla-

Mario: Wait a sec Cleftor, not that I really care, but I thought were a straight edge.

Master Crash: YEAH! STRAIGHT EDGES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SMOKE BOMBING MARIJUANA MAAAAAAAAAN!

Clefter: ... PFFFFFFFFT HAHAHAHAHHA I forgot man! HAHAHAHAAAA!

Master Crash: SAY, I WONDER, DO YOU THINK WE'RE COOL ENOUGH TO SMOKE WEED WITH BOB-OMB MARLEY!?

Yoshi: Not if we keep this Koops turkey around man! He's a bitch who can't rap for his own diarrhea!

Koops: Whatchu talkin bout YO-shi? I'm so good at rap, Dr. Dre would put me in the hall of fame for being so good!

Yoshi: That aint even his job bitch! Maaaan, you know nothing about the rap business do yuh?

Koops: But i'm a based god when it comes to rap!

Yoshi: Oh yeah!? Well, lets do a rap battle then! You and me right now nigga! Lets do it!

Master Crash: OOOOOOOH! BOMB IS GOING DOWN! I REPEAT! BOMB IS GOING DOWN!

Koops: Uhh... Im not sure if-

Yoshi: Shut up and rap right now bitch! I'll even lay you a beat! Alright, GO!

Yoshi started beat boxing for Koops as he tried thinking of how to start his freestyle off... Oh dear.

Koops: Uhh... Alright... uhh...

Mario: JUST DO IT!

Koops: Uhh... Right. Fine... Mah name is Koop-C-Reel whatcho deal? I like it when my momma makes me a free meal, as long as it ain't no goddamn veil, as long as it's anything that makes me appeal. Please don't complain while I break the seal, the seal that awakens my rapping feels, if you complain then you better not yeal, cause my rappings so so so so zeal.

Yoshi: Okay okay okay! STOP! Just stop that shit NOW! 1st of all, STOP rhyming with your stupid rap name! Any1 with a half a brain even born today can know you have no rapping skills. All you do is rhyme with "eel." Don't even get me started on how you started speaking cringing ass jibberish nigga. Do that again, I'm kicking you deep in the taint!

Koops: Aww come on! GUYS!?

Goombella: Dude, he's right. You really can't rap.

Cleftor: I get seriously nauseous whenever I hear you try. And let me really underline TRY!

Mario: Yeah. You really should stop trying to rap while your ahead and leave it to people that don't rap of cancer.

Yoshi: Yei! Allow me!

Master Crash: I'M BEATBOXInG THIS TIME!

Master Crash started beat boxing.

Yoshi: You think you can rap and you think your enormous! Last time I checked you gave a lame ass preformance, your beats are out of whack and they got no rhythm, your sheltered you slack so get out of your prism! You have no skill you can't articulate, there is not a way for any1 to calculate. You can't rap like this, your ignorance is bliss, watch me bend over you give my ass a kiss!

Koops: Uhh Okay...

Every1 else: KOOPS!

Koops: Aww nevermind...

Yoshi: Aight... yei... I can do this all day my raps are incredible. I can beat you all day cause it is inevitable. My words can rhyme cause I think ahead quickly, My words can flow it will smack you silly. I'm worlds away, this ain't no contest, I was born today, so don't even try to be modest. I'm a crack baby who knows how to formulate. I can speak in ways that you cannot speculate!

Yoshi: BITCH!

Master Crash: HOLY BOMB! THAT WAS BOMBING AWESOME!

Goombella: Yeah. you really can free style!

Mario: Damn! Even I though that was impressive. It's nice to have partners that are actually talented.

Cleftor: Yeah. I'm a punk rocker and I'm pretty please by that.

Yoshi: Thanks yall. You all real. More real than that Koop-C-Reel nigga!

Koops: Aww man... Yeah. You really busted my chops out there huh nigger?

Yoshi: DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN BITCH!

Koops: Oh... sorry. I though since you called me that-

Yoshi: LEARN HOW THOSE DYNAMICS WORK RETARD!

Yoshi decked Koops hard in the face knocking him on the floor with a little bit of blood rushing down his mouth area.

Yoshi: 1, there's a difference between "nigger" and "nigga". 2, You ESPECIALLY do NOT call a black Yoshi that word!

Koops: But what's the difference between those words? I thought they both meant homie or something.

Yoshi: It's too complicated for you to understand!

Koops: Oh... hehe... Whoopsies.

Mario: Well like it or not, i'm gonna refer to you as a niglet.

Yoshi: ... Thats fine. Thats a funny name anyway.

Goombella: So you see Koops. This is why you can't be a rapper. Were not trying to be mean or nothing, we just know that this whole rap thing... Its hard to explain, but... it just isn't you.

Mario: Yeah. Your a socially awkward spaz that I'm sure has some form of autism.

Master Crash: TALKING YOUR FRIEND OUT OF FUN HOBBIES!? DISREGARDING THAT HE MIGHT BOMBING IMPROVE!? HAHA! SOME FRIENDS YOU GUYS ARE!

Goombella: Like, Koops. We're only telling you this cause we actually do kind of care about... well you get it. I don't know. I mean, none of us are actually friends are we?

Mario: Nah.

Koops: I don't know.

Yoshi: Gangstas don't befriend their parents.

Goombella: Exactly. Were all just working together temporarily to get a job done. That's all.

Master Crash: LOL! YOU GUYS ARE SO FULL OF BULLBOMB RIGHT NOW!

Goombella: But to my point Koops. Do you understand why you can't be a rapper and why you have to give us this rap phase while you still can?

Koops: Yeah... I understand... Aww man. I'm sorry I've been such a dick lately. I just haven't been honest with who I am.

Goombella: It's all right. At least you finally learned your lesson.

Mario: Yeah, we finally broke you out of that hypnotic wigger spell from that M.C.A$$Hat douche.

Yoshi: Damn! That's the guy who put a wigger spell on you? Imma have to kill his ass for turning you into a shitty rapper.

Koops: Gosh golly... I don't know if I was cursed... I think i'm just a little impressionable. Thats all.

Mario: No! Fuck you! You were cursed and when we come back to Ghettoport, were murder-fucking him as a team! Team M!

Koops: Aight... I mean, All right then... hmm... I wonder if Bandy Andy was under the same spell.

Cleftor: Nah man. I think he's just like that.

Yoshi: Damn!

Goombella: OH SHIT! Guys! I think we forgot about the fight we're still technically still in!

Mario: Oh yeah! We never ended the [BATTLE MODE] did we?

Goombella: No we didn't! We were supposed to strategize a plan! Not get stoned and recreate That 70's Show again!

Yoshi: Strategize a plan huh? Hey no need to worry about that girl! I got a plan. I say I use mah throwin move that Yoshis can use with their mouths in Smash Bros! I bet they'll have to face some kind of damage if I clash them together.

Goombella: Hey! Thats right! That makes so much scientific sense when you put it that way!

Mario: Alright then! Lets go back to the Glory Hole and finish the fight!

Koops: But isn't that a quote from-

Mario: I KNOW WHAT IS FROM AND I DON'T CARE!

Master Crash: OH HEY! BEFORE YOU GO, WE WERE BOMBING WONDERING IF CLEFTOR AND I CAN JOIN YOUR M TEAM!

Mario: No. Our maximum is 1 newcomer per chapture. And even then, I don't think we can deal with team mates that are loud or uninteresting.

Cleftor: Good going Master Crash. Thanks for ruining our chances. And they know the truth; I'm uninteresting. Now I have to write a song about it.

Master Crash: SHUT UP BOMBTARD!

Koops: Again, sorry I being such a dick lately...

Mario: We forgive you sort of. I really don't care anymore. Lets just go back out there and continue our winning streak.

The Newly slightly bigger Team M entered the time frozened Glory Hole with a plan in action.

Goombella: Thank god! Time is still frozen!

Yoshi: So this is the Glory Hole huh?

Mario: Yes. Yes it is.

Yoshi: Why does it smell like puke?

Flurrie was seen sexually penetrating herself with 1 of the spikes of Armored DIckinson.

Flurrie: Hello my tenacious team of erotic rogues!

Yoshi: AH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!?

Yoshi puked on the floor.

Goombella: Yeah... thats our 1 teammate you haven't seen yet.

Mario: Yeah! She's a fat retired porn star whos fucking disgusting. She's repulsive as all hell but you'll get used to it sadly.

Goombella: Wait a minute! Flurrie! You haven't been molesting the opponents have you!?

Flurrie: Of course I've been silly buns. What? You wouldn't do the same thing in my position?

Goombella: NOBODY WOULD!

Mario: Dont you know that you've been wasting your attack turns on molesting them!? That is exactly why I specifically said not to touch them!

Flurrie: Oh pleeeeeeeease. I think I know what I'm doing as a famous egotistical porn star. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna take a dump on Armored Beloff.

Flurrie pompously ignored her and proceeded in the act of defecation by spreading her butt cheeks everywhere.

Goombella, Koops, Mario, and Yoshi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Flurrie started anally crowning a turd.

Yoshi: IM BLIND!

Soon enough, Flurrie had taken her amazing dump all over the Armored Beloff. This also unfortunately broke the spell of the clock out.

Armored Beloff: AAAAHH! What happened to me!? Why am I trenched in mud!?

Armored Dickinson: I think thats... shit! And my spikes smell the same way for some reason!

Koops: Do they really not notice that time stopped?

Armored Beloff: AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!1 Thats disgusting! BLEEEEEEEEEEEERG! You're paying for that bitch!

Armored DIckinson and Beloff both did an armored team attack putting her in the highway to the danger zone" [10 Damage]

Flurrie: I just orgasmed...sooooooo... much...

[TURN 7] (Turn 5 and 6 started while most of the team was gone.)

Yoshi: I'm momentarily blind homies... I don't think I can fight them...

Mario: What?

Yoshi: Flurries grossness... it really psychologically damaged mah ass watching her do that turd shit. My bad yall... The plan is off!

Koops: Shhhhhhucks!

Goombella: Ah man! Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Now what are we gonna do!?

Mario: ... I GOT IT! This is still a long shot but my other plan B might just work! Hey Grubba! Give me your microphone!

Grubba: Uhh... sure thing.

Grubba handed Mario the mic for a few words to say.

Mario: ATTENTION EVERY1! THE ARMORED SAINTS HAVE SECRETLY BEEN HAVING GAY SEX WITH EACHOTHER!

Audience: HUH!?

Armored Dickinson and Beloff: WHAT THE FUCK!?

Grubba: HOLY COMOLLI! IS THIS STATEMENT TRUE!?

Armored Dickinson and Beloff: ... yess...

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Grubba: SO EVEN THOUGH YOUR BIOLOGICAL TWINS? YOU'VE BEEN HAVING TWINCEST UNDER OUR NOSES!? AND NOT THE HOT BROTHER SISTER OR EVEN SISTER ON SISTER KIND OF TWINCEST NEITHER! THE... THE GAY KIND!

Armored Dickinson: ...*sniff*...Its true. Our secret is revealed.

Armored Beloff: We've been having rock hard gay sex in raunchy places of Glitzville.

Adiance: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AGAIN!

Grubba: I... I DONT BELIEVE THIS! THATS IT! YOUR BOTH BANNED FROM GLITZVILLE FOR PERFORMING THE DIGGITY DANG-DOOZY IN MY TOWN! SECURITIM!

A team of Securitims entered the Glory Hole interrupting the fight.

Securitim: Yes boss?

Grubba: Get these fagwads out of here! I don't want their homo ways to corrupt my Glory Hole!

Securitim: Yes boss!

The Securitims somehow had the strength to escort the Armored Saints out of Glitzville resolving the match 1ce and for all.

[END OF BATTLE]

Koops: Wowzerz Mario! When did you find that out about them having gay sex!?

Mario: I didn't.

Koops: Oh...

Mario: I just guessed. That's all. I mean, it was pretty obvious.

Koops: ...Oh yeah...

Armored Dickinson: YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! HOW DARE YOU LEARN OF OUR HIDEOUS SECRET YOU RAT BASTARDS!

Armored Beloff: YEAH! WHEN WE COME BACK, I'M SMASHING YOU HARDER THEN I SMASH MY BROTHER'S ROCK HOLE ON WEDNESDAYS!

Mario: Oh yeah, and I forgot 1 thing. HEY! You both look like a pair of blue balls that got infected by Tommy Lee's toxic jizz. Not too far from now, you will find yourselves in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the grossest pair of nuts on the planet!

YO-Shi: Does he always go on these tangents?

Goombella: Well... yeah.

Armored Dickinson and Beloff: YOUR DED! YOUR SO FUCKING FUCK DED YOU FUCKING BOOGER HEADS! THIS ISN'T OVER! THIS ISN'T OVER! NOT BY A LONG SHOT RETAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

The Securitim have successfully omitted the Armored Homos out of the Glory Hole for the good of all fighters. Now no 1 has to worry about facing enemies with dangerously overpowered defense ever again.

Mario: Haha! Isn't homophobia great?

Goombella: No. No it's not.

Mario: Oh please, because of homophobia dominating the norm of Glitzville, we were able to win victoriously! Now are you saying that's a bad thing?

Goombella: Well... That shouldn't be the message we should be giving though.

Mario: No, but we still won! SO HA!

Audience: GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG!

Chapture 4 - 14: The Majority is Greater than the Minority!

Back to the minor leagues locker room 1ce more,

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now an official major leaguer in rank 10.

Jolene Handed Mario 7 coins this time.

Mario: I feel like that particular match deserves much more than 7 coins. I just got some1 fired for having gay sex!

Jolene: Welp... If it makes you feel better, we did look into that mystery box investigation and now are lawsuit is official and it's looking pretty strong. Turns out they did not have to proper licensing and will probably need to give out warnings to sell them from now on. So your suggestion actually worked out for good. Im sure Grubba will reward you in some way for that, and getting The Armored Saints fired. Goombella: So wait, now that we're major leaguers, does that mean we can finally move up into the other locker room?

Jolene: Yes. I will escort you to Grubba so he can officially register you as a Major Leaguer.

Master Crash: DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE NO LONGER HAVING BOMBING ROOMMATES!? THATS BULLBOMB!

Yoshi: Yeah man! Im tired of smelling shit all day!

Cleftor: I don't usually say this about any1, but Gonzales! You are the most punk rock person i've ever laid eyes on in this town and you really bring the old school back to Glitzville! Your controversial, edgy, you're just a freak of nature in the most scummiest ways imaginable!

Mario: What? Whatever. Fuck you all! Were out of here bitchtards!

Cleftor: See what I mean though!? KNARLEY!

Jolene: Are you coming Gonzales!?

Gonzales... I mean, Mario: Damn! Aren't you impatent! Are you getting dicked soon or something?

Jolene: Just shut up and follow me.

Master Crash: WE LOVE YOU GONZALES!

Koops: We love you too...

Mario: Don't encourage them.

Meanwhile in the office of Grubba,

Grubba was masterbating to cow porn of cows lactating all over the thin hot Madame Flurrie while she jacked off the utters back in 1990.

Grubba: Mmmm... Yeah... Come on Flurrie, milk those animal utters... yeah! Oh... oh my gracious! Is she?,... SHE IS! Holy tomoli! She's sodomizing herself with them utters! AND OH MY GOOOOOOOOD CREAM IS COMING OUT! I REPEAT! CREAM IS CUMING OUT!

Soon enough, Jolena immediately opened the door and brought Mario and his strange friends into the office to discuss somewhat important Glitzbizz. Grubba panicked as he reached over and slammed his laptop shut making it look like he wasn't being walked in on masterbating despite his penis dangling everywhere.

Grubba: WAAA! COME ON! DOES ANYBODY KNOCK THE DOOR THESE DAYS!?

Jolene: Umm...Mr. Grubba... I've summoned Mr. Gonzales, for you as demanded.

Grubba: Hmm... Why does the gross purple partner look so familiar to me right now... Almost as if she's some1 a was wanking it too... Oh well! Next time Jolene, learn to mind your manners. As an intern, you know it's best... to teach you a lesson. Why don't you come here so I can give you a little special managing like treatment...

Jolene: Uhh... No thanks. I kind of have to get back to my job...

Grubba: Nonsense were all family here... Now do it or you're fired!

Jolene: *Sigh* Fine...

Jolene walked over to the phallically exposed Grubba with the sense of worry and shame.

Grubba hopped out of his sticky seat and smacked her in the face, kissed her cheeks, squeezed her boobs, pulled down her pants exposing her thong, grinded his penis on her, turn her around, and moterboated her buttcheeks, and spanked her.

Mario, Koops, and Yoshi all had boners,

Flurrie's nipple got really erect.

Flurrie: Talk about 1 hell of a porno consept...

Goombella surprisingly enough actually felt bad for the Toad.

Jolene: *Sniff*... I have to get to work now...

Grubba: And don't let that ass hit the door on the way out! Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk...

Goombella: GEEZ! This man is a sicker fuck than Mario!

Mario: You say something?

Goombella: No.

Grubba: Now then! On to man talk, Gonzales, Gonzales, Gonzales! Bravo. You successfully found a way to climb your way to the major leagues and finish the careers of those sick Armored Cockheads! I trained you well didn't I?

Mario: Well not really. I just wanted to win and they were pissing me the fuck off.

Grubba: Oh you ol' so-and'-so! But still! You gotta admit, a team that can register and work their way up the Major leagues already in 1 day! That takes some harlin tarlin talent right there buddy! And no ordinary talent neither! Yall just got some skills doncha!?

Mario: Well yeah. They were all weak as fuck. I've faced tougher opponents in hooker auctions during Black Friday.

Grubba: That's why I'm right! You already a star son. A star that continues to rise! Between the fighting and the Lawsuits, you're making money fly out my ass crack! See!?

Grubba pulled a wad of 10,000 Coins out of his anal cavity.

Grubba: So all you gotta do is just keep fighting, and make me 1,000,000s! 1,000,000,000s even! I'm countin' on you, son. So I got a special li'l somethin'-somethin' for you.

Mario: Please don't kiss me.

Grubba handed Mario 30 coins he just pulled out of his ass.

Mario: You have 1,000,000s of coins. You can't just give me some of that shit?

Grubba: SO I have to lay something honest on you. Your costume, well... it makes you look more outdated than a 1970's gay porn star. And it ain't cool. What do you say someday… or hour, when you're a champion, I'll have 1 made for you. A pink 1 with some feathers! We'll even make you fly into the audience on some see through strings! Something like David Lee Roth from Van Halen. Fits with your song doesn't it?

Mario: Yeah, and about that song. I'm fucking sick of it. Van Halen's cool and all, but it stopped being fun to hear after the 4th or 5th fight. Can you just change it to something a bit more... fitting? Something that will make it very apparent that I'm going to kick the opponent's fucking ass.

Grubba: CAN DO! And I know just the right song too! Now why don't you follow me and I'll guide you to your new locker room and make some new friends eh?

Koops: Oh boy! New friends!? This is gonna be great!

Goombella: No it's not.

If you can remember the description of the major league locker room, you'll know this room is not at all interesting.

Grubba: As you remember from the 1st tour, you'd know that you're in the major leagues right? This will be your new locker room right here pal! Talk about an upgrade huh? No shit, and no shit smell!

Flurrie: Sheesh... You really call that an upgrade?

Goombella: I'd say it is.

Koops: *Sigh* no more shit partay huh...

Yoshi: Fuck that shit.

Grubba: Well now that you're all settled in, I must got back to masterbating to Madame Flurrie and her crazy cow porn from the 90s! YEE HAA!

Grubba ran off in the peak of hornyness off to masterbizzle all over his desk made from Holland.

Flurrie: WAIT! I'M THE MADAME FLURRIE! DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME!?

Goombella: He's gone Flurrie.

Yoshi: You guys noticed he was walking around with his dangolang hanging out?

Koops: Wait, I thought you were blind.

Yoshi: I got most of that shit out of my system after the fight. But don't remind me! Yuck man!

Flurrie: Its nice to see a fan from time to time...

Flurrie started rubbing her boobs on Yoshi as an attempt to try and make a move on him.

Flurrie: Wanna nibble on em'?

Yoshi: AWWW! GET THEM MALICIOUS MILK MONSTERS OFF OF ME YOU FAT COW!

Goombella: Don't tell me you're gonna go all pedophile over that baby Yoshi...

Flurrie: What's wrong with that? Don't any of you have a fetish for children?

Goombella: NO!

Mario: Yes.

Koops was distracted as he was looking up more Simpsons hentai of Moe Sizlack on a sex swing getting his dick sucked by Lisa Simpson while up in the air getting pounded by Krusty the Clown.

Suddenly, Rawk Hawk walked in the room with stomps of loud and compensation. More compensation than Glenn Danzig on a tour.

Rawk Hawk: KNAWK KNAWK! THE RAWK HAWK IS ON THE CLAWK!

Rawk Hawk: LISTEN UP YOU GAY PANSIES! I'VE BEEN HEARING ALL ABOUT SOME WANNABE BADASS ON A 10 MATCH WINNING STREAK! I'M WANNA POUND THE GAYNESS OUT OF HIM TO SHOW HIM THAT I! RAWK HAWK WILL KNAWK HIM OUT BY DANGLING MAH CAWK!

Mario: Oh great. It's the other loser who can't stop yelling in all caps.

Rawk Hawk: HUH? OH! UH-OH EVERYBODY! WE- WE GOT A BADASS OVER HERE!

Rawk Hawk started crouching down to look seemingly badass.

Mario: What are you trying to do? Shit your pants?

Rawk Hawk: IT'S YOU! YOUR THE 1 THATS BEEN MESSING WITH MAH FAME! LISTEN HERE, YOU'RE NOTHING, YOU'RE A WEEK FAGGOT! YOU HEAR ME? YOUR A WEAK 4 FOOT 3 SIZED FAGGOT WITH A SMALL SMELLY PENIS! LIKE AN ANCHOVY! I JUST BECAME CHAMPION AND YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE MY BELT AWAY FROM ME YOU PUNK?

Mario: Yes. Yes I can you abominable retard!

Rawk Hawk: WHOA DUDE! STEP BACK FROM THE HAWK UNLESS YOU WANNA GET RAWKED!

Mario: Yeah yeah...

Mario quickly snatched Rawk Hawk's belt causing his champion speedo to fall off exposing his barely visible feathery genitalia.

Mario: I GOT IT!

Koops: QUICK! EVERY 1! RUN!

Koops got way too excited and accidentally ran into a wall.

Rawk Hawk: GOD DAMNIT! MY PANTS FELL!

Goombella: GUYS! WHERE'S HIS PENIS!?

Yoshi: DAYAMN! HIS FEATHERS ARE BIGGER THAN HIS OWN SHLONG!

Goombella: Its either missing or it's just…. THAT small…

Flurrie: Maybe it's merely a pimple.

Rawk Hawk: WHAT THE!? HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY BELT YOU GAYWAD!

Flurrie stood in front of Rawk Hawk to blawk him from grabbing the belt back.

Flurrie: STAND BACK CAWK BLAWK! DON'T MAKE ME SUCK YOUR DICK!

Rawk Hawk stood still with his armed crossed more pissed off that another man has his belt and not so much that he is officially butt naked at this point.

Rawk Hawk: PFFT! YOU THINK I'M ASHAMED OF MY PENIS!? I HAVE BIG MUSCLES! THATS ALL THE PENIS I NEED!

Koops got back up.

Koops: Ouchiez... where am I?

Yoshi started sniffing the star.

Yoshi: *Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff*... Wait, dat shit's FAAAAAAAAAAAKE! This shit ain't no dedly star! Its just some cheap ass knock off G! Look at it!

Yoshi handed the belt to Mario.

Mario: ... hmm... You say its fake? ... Koops. Lick it.

Koops: KK!

Koops started licking it to see what Yoshi was talking about.

Koops: Yummm... Tastes like paint!

Goombella: Yum?

Mario: ... Paint…? This was an arts and craft project wasn't it? When did you make this, kindergarten? last year? This belt is trash.

Rawk Hawk at the right moment grabbed his not so excellent belt back from Mario and put his speedo back on.

Rawk Hawk: YOU THINK YOU GOT SOME BALLS FOR PLAYING SOME BELT SNATCHING TRICKS ON ME HUH? DIDN'T YOUR MOMMA EVER TEACH YOU MANNERS!

Mario: My mom was a fucking stork you gay ugly retarded Conary.

Rawk Hawk: I AM NOT A- ... YOUR LUCKY I'M SAVING MY FISTS FOR YOUR FACE FOR WHEN YOU'RE UP AGAINST ME! THE FAWKING SAWKING KNAWKING RAWK HAWK!

Mario: Wow! You really think I can make it that far!? Gosh! Thanks pal! Can't wait to dislocate your ass with my foot sometime today.

Rawk Hawk: RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK! STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! THATS IT! I'M LEAVING! GO BACK TO YOUR NON RAWKING BELT LIVES AND WEEP IN SHAME!

Rawk Hawk slammed the door on the Mario and the rest of the major leaguers.

Yoshi: Damn team! He's a stupid bird.

Mario: You can say that again.

Koops: He said, "Damn team! He's a -

Mario: I know what he said Koops! Now shut up!

Goombella: Wait, so something doesn't add up. Why would the map point to a fake star? Unless... No... I don't... ….

Koops: What's wrong Goombella?

Goombella: That would mean that they have a secret hidden dedly star somewhere in Glitzville and they're using it for something else... Only to use the 1 we just saw as a decoy. So that means, HA! I TOLD YA STEALING THE BELT WAS A BAD IDEA MARIO! Cause the 1 on the belt was FAKE! HAAAAAAA!

Mario: Yeah yeah... Fine. You were right. Don't rub it in you pompous bitch.

Goombella: Relax! I just find it funny that your strategy probably would have destroyed the 1000 Year Door shrine with that decoy.

Mario: Stop laughing! This is frustrating. Not funny.

Koops: Gee willikers. That means we might have to looky here harder than we thought huh? Hehe.

Mario's cell phone: Bitch you got a text message! Bitch you got a text message! Bitch you got a text message!

Koops: What's that sound going off?

Goombella: Is that your text notification?

Mario: Damnit! Who the hell is trying to get a hold of me now?

Mario checked his phone to see that he had received 1 new message from... aNoNyMoUs?

Mario: Son of a bitch. Don't tell me anonymous is trying to hack my phone again.

Goombella: Again?

Mario: Its quite common when you're a world wide celebrity. Alright... Lets see what this is all about.

Goombella: Aren't you supposed to not click on those?

Mario: I don't know. Who cares.

Mario clicked on it letting Goombella read it out loud.

aNoNyMoUs: !|= '/0|_| \/\/4/\/7 7#3 574|? 0|= 6|?33|), 7#3/\/ #33|) /\/\'/ !/\/57|?|_|(7!0/\/5..

Goombella: Wh… what the hell is this gibberish?

Koops: Wait, hold on! Lemme take a look see.

Koops: Hmm…. I think I recognise it. It's LEET! It's a weird internet language internet people use!

Goombella: What? Why would any1 need to use that?

Koops: I don't know. It just exists. I think it's kind of cool.

Goombella: How do you know about it?

Koops: Let me just read it.

Koops: It says, If you want the Star of Greed, then heed my instructions.

Goombella: Well alright. I still dont understand why writing in leet is necessary.

Koops: It sounds spooky.

Goombella: It's not spooky. It's just ridiculous is what it is.

Yoshi: But wait, HOD UP! Who else besides the X-Nazis know about the dedly stars? Sounds like we got our asses into more of a mystery then weez was expectin huh?

Flurrie: Indeed my Yoshi Woshi.

Yoshi: Please don't call me that. Ever again.

Koops: Well lets just talk to these guys and see if they know anything.

Goombella: They're not gonna tell us anything Koops.

Koops: Well wait a second, we can figure this out palz!

Koops tried talking to The Koopinator 1st.

Koops: Hello! I'm Koops. Nice to meet you.

Koopinator: Fuck off you invalid specimen of my race!

Koops: Oooookay.

Koops tried talking to a Red Spike Top next.

Koops: Hello! I'm Koops. Nice to meet you.

Spisse (Age 43): Hvem faen er det du snakker med? Jeg bare liker å brenne ned kirker i navnet Satanas.

Goombella: Was that Norwegian?

Koops: Alright. No luck here.

Koops tried talking to the Hammer Bro.

Hamma (Age 39): What the hell do you want? … Just what we need. Another Koopa. Get out of my face asshole!

Koops: Ummm... Okay.

Goombella: Why is he trying to talk to all of the turtle specied people?

Mario: Ever see a dog that gets really excited when encountered by other dogs?

Koops lastly tried talking to a Shady Koopa next. A blue shelled Koopa with sandy grey skin.

Koops: Uhhh...

ShellShocker (Age 37): Get the fuck away from me essei! Don't bother me or I'll cut you 1.

Koops: Uhh... K. BAI!

Yoshi: DAMN! AIN'T NO NIGGA LIEKS YOU UP IN HERE HUH!

Koops: Guys! I'm not totally 100% sure just yet, but I think these people suck!

Mario: Well, at least now, we don't have to worry about having some dumb locker mates that can't mind their own business. Now we can get shit done quicker. Like kicking these Koopa dipshits asses.

Koops: That's another thing too, how come these guys are all Koopas, yet no 1 gets along with each other?

Goombella: I don't think any Koopas got along with you in your village either.

Koops: Oh yeah. I try to forget about living there.

Mario began reserving his 1st official Major League match as if that status makes a fucking difference.

Grubba: Well howdy Gonzales!? It's been awhile hasn't it!? Hyuk hyuk... Just kidding. Welp, lets see the rankings here... Ah! Looks like you're up against your 1st single digiter! De Små Pigger. I have no idea what that means in their language, but the leader is in your locker room! The 1s with the red shells with the spikes on top. Now listen and listen good. For you 1st match as a major leaguer, I want you to win without losing any HP. I expect you to look like a fucking star! NOW GO OUT THERE AND SHINE GONZALES! SHINE FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Grubba signed out like a coke addict.

Goombella: every time we talk to him, he seems to be more and more addicted to cocaine!

Koops: Heh. You guys notice that they never registered Yoshi as a fighter? Like, technically, he never signed the contract

Mario: I don't think he cares. Not with that much cocaine in his system he doesn't. You guys wanna raid his office of all his drugs 1ce we get the star for good?

Flurrie: Lets snatch all of it! I'll be the briefcase too.

Spisse: Jeg er fra landet i Oslo. Du har ingen sjanse til å overleve min onde vrede. Mitt lag er dødelig, og vil brenne deg med ingen forhold for dine patetiske liv.

Mario: You seem to be taking this way too seriously.

Goombella: How do you even know what he's saying?

Mario: Just listen to how serious this assclown sounds. Besides, why should we care. This opponent is just the next passing flame to our ass whooping schedule.

Yoshi: Ass whoppin schedual is right Great G!

Spisse: Din en feit beruset ugyldig.

Securitims: Gonzales, Spisse, Your match is ready! Din kamp er klar!

Mario: What the hell? You things know Norwhatchucallit too?! Oh well. Goombella, Yoshi, come with me. The rest of you, ... I don't know. Find something to do.

Black to some old fashion Glory Hole Galores,

Grubba: GUYS AND GALS! MEN AND MAIDENS! IT IS TIME FOR ANOTHER BATTLE OF THE CENTURIES!

Audience: YIKKI KA YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

The audience started performing artistically structured naked human pyramids in excitement for the upcoming match.

Grubba: FER OUR NEXT BOMBASTIC BATTLE, WE HAVE THE DEMONS FROM THE NORTH, THE UNHOLY KOOPAS FROM HELL! PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR, ... Hold on a second. I have to write their name down. Lemme just…. unfold this sheet of paper now... OH YEAH! De Små Pigger? YEAH! DE SMAAAAA PIGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

The Background music started blasting Freezing Moon by Mayhem as 2 Red Spike Top Brothers from Oslo Norway entered the stage with flames in the background rising from the floor. 1 of the audience members was drunk enough to think he can eat fire after watching the anime Fairy Tail. So his face got burned and it will soon be destined to appear on America's Funniest Home Videos. Yes. The 2 Black Metal influenced spike tops were indeed wearing generic corpse paint to embrace their inner demons cause its Black Metal.

Grubba: AND IN THE NEXT CORNER, WE HAVE ANOTHER TEAM OF DEMONS! DEMONS THAT LIKE TO RAPE, MURDER, MURDER-FUCK, AND WORST OF ALL, PLAY EPISODES OF LOONATICS UNLEASHED! YOU KNOW HIM BEST AS! THE GREEEEEEEEEAT GONZALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

The Background Music started blasting FaceFisted by Dethklok as Mario and the half of his strange team entered the stage getting ready for another Brawl. Get it? Like that game that theoretically won't come out till 4 years from now?

Død Pigg (Age 42) : Hei se bror. En haug av ikke hedensk avskum. Hva sier du vi halshogge dem og stikke hodene på spyd for å feire dem falle.

Yoshi: Maaaaan, are they saying words I don't understand yet? Or is this some kind of gibberish shit!

Mario: DOES ANY1 KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THESE EURO TRASH TURTLES ARE TALKING ABOUT!? SO I THINK I'M GONNA STOMP ON THEIR FACES TILL THEY SPEAK ENGLISH OR DIE!

Audience: YEAH! SPEAK ENGLISH OR DIE!

Goombella: Good thing the liberal protesters are all ded...

Spisse: Vi skal drepe denne uvitende publikum og gjøre en hytte for oss ut av sine lemlestede kropper i Norge.

Mario: SHUT UP INCOHERENT DIP SHITS!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 40/63

Goombella: Power Level 50/50

Koops: AF[BM] (Away from [BATTLE MODE])

Flurrie: AF[BM]

Yoshi: 25/25

FP: 8/10

V.S.

Spisse: Power Level 38

Død Pigg: Power Level 38

Battle Music: Dunkelheit by Burzum

[TURN 1]

Goombella uses tattle: These are Red Spike tops. Members of the Buzzy family. Hmm... It seems kind of random that they'd be from Norway, but I don't know. Who ever's idea it was to come up with the concept of that must have been on some bad drugs. But basically, these are the strongest minor enemies we've faced by far seeing as though they have a power level of 38 each. They seem to lack weaknesses since they have a defense of 4 so they're pretty tough. They have spikes on their shells to prove how scary they are I guess. And they're immune to fire and explosives. I guess that last part's not important.

Yoshi: Yei yei... Whatevs biatch. Watch as I swallow this fuckin bitch ass!

Yoshi uses Gulp for the 1st time let alone any attack for that matter on Spisse as he used the traditional grab move that Yoshi's use in Smash Bros. Yes. I have to point it out a 2nd time. Don't ask why it's spike didn't stab him through the cheek. It amazes me too!

Mario: DAMN! That niglet will eat almost anything!

Yoshi then finished this move, by spitting the Black Metal loving Buzzy to projectile him at Død Pigg cutting through dem Defenses by nearly shattering some shells of metal: [4 Damage All]

Yoshi: DAYAMN! THAT WAS BETTER THAN IF I WAS SUCKIN' MY MOM'S TITTIES!

Død Pigg: Hva er det som skjer? Jeg trodde vi var udødelige!

Spisse: Hvordan i helvete skal vi taper? Vi må ikke miste dette fettet pedofil mann!

Mario: Did you just call me a pedophile man!?

Goombella: I think he did.

Mario: ALRIGHT! IVE HEARD ENOUGH ABSURD GIBBREISH!

Mario used Quake Hammer unleashing a finishing blow causing the Spike Tops to go flying in the air only to land on each other's backs. Død Pigg got stabbed to deth by the fierce spike of Spisse: [2 Damage ALL]

Mario: HA! ALL IN 1 TURN!

For those of you that really give a shit, in Norway, Spisse means "Pointy", and Død Pigg means "Ded Spike". Ded Spike in this language actually spells the word "ded" correctly by the way.

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND WE HAVE A WINNER FOLKS! THE GREAT GONZALES!1

Yoshi: Man, that's how you open up a can of dat whoop ass huh G?

Mario: Do you people still say that?

Yoshi: The fuck should I know! I was born almost an hour ago!

Back to dat locker room.

Jolene: prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 9.

Jolene handed Mario 11 coins.

Goombella: Soo... you're not going to harp on us about being too violent?

Mario: Yeah! We killed the fuck out of 1 of those beetle turtle fucks!

Jolene: Well... it turns out that you and your team are highly necessary to our system. After all, there's no other fighter or team of fighters that have a perfect winning record such as yourselves. Not since... the original champion... Well... Anyway, none of that's important. Now if you excuse me, I must be going...

Jolene walked off casually to do some more boring intern work.

Koops: Guys! I'm back from picking my scabs again!

Goombella: Why do we always need to know this?

Koops: Well... I don't know. You never know I guess.

Goombella: Is that why you've had a bandaid on your nose this whole time!? Sick!

Koops: Well yeah. Usually while we we're on the long warp pipe rides, that's when I'd get the time to not feel so self conscious about it.

Goombella: And walking about wearing a bandaid on your nose doesn't bother you either?

Koops: Is it really that noticeable?

Goombella: YES IT IS!

Flurrie: It's not so bad, sometimes when some of my sexyyyyy infections start to flair up, band aids can be the best medicine.

Goombella: Band Aids aren't medicine. They're used to keep open wounds clean.

Yoshi: They sure make dem cuts fuck the fuck off!

Goombella: But still. If any of you had cancer, you wouldn't expect a band aid to solve your problems, right?

Koops: Well... Actually,

Goombella: Okay stop! For the sake of my brain cells, DO NOT ANSWER THAT!

Flurrie: Maybe Koops' nose just needs a wittle kiss. LEMME KISS IT! LEMME KISS IT!

Koops: NO! PLEASE! YOUR BREATH MAKES ME FEEL ILL!

Flurrie pushed Kops down, sat on top of him pinning him down about to kiss him! Despite Koops having a higher power level, he was not able to get her off of him.

Koops: GET OFF ME! PLEASE!

Goombella: WHAT ARE YOU DOING FLURRIE!?

Flurrie: I'm gonna make sweet sweet love all over his hot bod!

Yoshi: EWWWWW! That shits nasty! Got the fuck off of his ass!

Yoshi started kicking Flurries kidney area to save Koops.

Goombella: Yoshi! We have to stop her from compulsively raping Koops!

Yoshi and Goombella with all force tried to pull Flurrie off of Koops, sadly, she was too fat and couldn't be lifted.

Koops: Help! Please! Get her some graham crackers! They help reduce her hornyness!

Mario: GUYS!

All 4 of the partners suddenly stopped like a game of freeze tag.

Mario: Our match is registered.

Yoshi: Damn! You fast with that shit!

Goombella: Wait, while we were all talking just now?

Mario: Yeah. Were up against rank 8. The Poker Faced Deth Machines.

Koops: Uhh... Does Grubba say what we need to do in the match?

Mario: I don't remember. Something about doing another 1 hit KO or some shit.

Securitim: Mr. Gonzales. Its time to enter the ring.

Koops: Wait! Mario! Can I come with you this match!? Flurrie's on this rape kick towards me and I'm scared that shes gonna molest me or something.

Mario: You pussy. Alright, just you and me then.

Goombella: Wait, do we have whatever those creatures we're facing tattled?

Mario: The creatures name was like, Bristle or something. Is that in your tattle log?

Goombella: Lemme check.

Goombella checked her tattle log as if emphasis on this is even that necessary.

Goombella: ... There it is. We got this 1 analysed all the way back in 2 - 3.

Mario: Yeah we did! Alright! The rest of you, smell mah ass! I'm off!

And into another Glory Hole Galore we Go!

Grubba: LADIES AND OUCH! FFF…. I just felt a sharp pain go through my heart! Uggg….. Oh well... Probably nothing... NOW! WE HAVE A MATCH, A SPLENDIFEROUS MATCH FOR ALL YOU PEEPS TONIGHT! FOR STARTERS, WE HAVE THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION! READY TO WRECK JUST ABOUT ANYTHING IN SIGHT! WE HAVE,,, THE POKER FACED DETH MACHINES!

The underground pop song that no 1's really heard of before known as Poker Face by Lady Gaga started blasting as 2 Bristols rolled like hey stacks of spikes onto stage.

Bristle 1 (Age 30): HEY LOOK AT US EVERY1! WERE 2 BALLS! 2 SPIKY BALLSSSS!

Audiance: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Bristle 2 (Age 34): CORRECTION, WERE 2 SPIKEY BALLS OF... ASS DESTRUCTION!

Audiance: LLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLLOOLLOLOOLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLLOOLLOLOOLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLLOOLLOLOOLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLLOOLLOLOOLLLO!11

Every1 in the audience started spewing snot, piss, tears, and diarrhea splatter like that scene from 8 Crazy Nights. Some people started laughing so hard, that they started stabbing themselves to relieve them from the pain of loling too hard.

Grubba: TO THE NEXT CORNER, WE HAVE THE MASTERS OF THE HOLOCAUST, THE SUICIDES OF THE SILENCE! PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! *panting* The GREAT! GONZALES!

The audience roared as Face Fisted by Dethklok started blasting loudly pumping the audience up EVEN FURTHER! They started doing some excited happy dances while Mario and Koops walked up on stage.

Koops: Wowwy! I think this crowd loves us!

Mario: Incase you haven't noticed from the several battles already, this dumbass crowd will cheer for just about anything. ANY, THING.

Koops: Oh... Oh yeah.

Bristle 1: LOOK AT THESE BOZO ! I BET THEY'RE SO STUPID, THEY CAN'T TIE THEIR OWN SHOELACES NOR CAN THEY PAY THEIR MORTGAGE HYUK HYUK!

Koops: Holy crud! How did he figure out all those things about us!?

Mario: *Sigh* He's just saying random shit that wrestlers say when they want to stir up the audience for attention.

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 40/63

Goombella: Hopefully not getting raped.

Koops: Power Level 34/56

Flurrie: Hopefully not raping.

Yoshi: Hopefully not getting raped.

FP: 1/10

V.S.

Bristle 1: Power Level 9

Bristle 2: Power Level 9

Battle Music: Get to the Choppa by Austrian Death Machine

Bristle 2: YOU KNOW WHAT!? HEY EVERYBODY, I JUST CAME BACK FROM FUCKING GONZALES' WIFE! IT WAS FUNNY!

Mario: HA! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A WIFE YOU ASS GARGLERS!

Koops: YEAH! WHEN WE'RE DONE WITH THEM, WERE GOING TO HAVE TO RENAME THEM TO THE FUCKER FACED DUMB MACHINES!

Mario: Don't encourage them either.

Koops uses shell slam. Unfortunately for him. The 1st Bristle mildly stabbed the shit out of him: [-1 Damage]

Koops: Owwy!

Mario: Ha! I made that mistake 1ce.

Mario unwraps 1 of his doses of Earth LSD to do an item move.

Koops: Wasn't it called Earth Acid earlier?

Mario: They're the same thing stupid.

Koops: Oh really? ... Cool.

Mario dropped some Earth LSD on stage like a raver about to have a good experience. Not only does this majical drug deal [5 Damage], but since Bristles are shell typed enemies, they flipped over on their back piercing through their defense. Since this is Thousand Year Drama and not Thousand Year Door, 1 Bristle was sent flying towards the wall while the other hit Kenny (Age 9) from South Park in the face killing him only to respawn next chapture if I even decide to have a scene with him again.

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: WITH ANOTHER 1 HIT KO, WE HAVE A WINNER, GREAT GONZALES EVERY1!

Audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! G.O.N.Z.! A.L.E.S! GON-ZAL-ES! LETS GO! G.O.N.Z.! A.L.E.S! GON-ZAL-ES! LETS GO! G.O.N.Z.! A.L.E.S! GON-ZAL-ES! LETS GO! G.O.N.Z.! A.L.E.S! GON-ZAL-ES! LETS GO!

Mario: Koops. Those guys are what I'd call, Balls to the wall full-on retards!

Koops: Oh I get it! Cause they literally hit the wall.

Mario: ... Shut up Koops…

[COMMERCIAL MODE]

Hungry? Well come on down to Antarctic's Seal House for some freshly clubbed baby seals! It's a fun place for the family! Pick out your own seals in front of you by the glass cage next to your table! Pick them out, with an ice pick! Through the eye! We'll even cook them pups right in front of you! We have all kinds of seals including the kinds that look just like your dog! So come on down to Antarctic's Seal House and try our Seal tacos, Seal Steak, Seal Salad, Seal Sushi, Baby Seals for the kids! And even try our challenge of eating our rare cooked seal with no beheading whatsoever. Join the Club… I mean clubbing!

[END OF COMMERCIAL]

Chapture 4 - 15: The Room

Jolene: Here is your Prize Money Mr. Gonzales

Jolene handed Mario 12 coins.

Koops: Say, you don't mind that a child got killed in the crossfire this match right?

Jolene: Well... I should tell you. Ever since our Jeffrey Dahmer situation, we have paying audience members signing their lives away in a contract within their purchases. No 1 reads and complains. Therefore, we are no longer liable for any fatalities during battles.

Koops: That's...uhhh...

Mario: THATS AWESOME!

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be going.

Jolene left to partake in more busy intern low income salary work.

Koops: Is Jolene acting a bit weird to you guys?

Yoshi: Yo Gonzales mah G! Baddest motha fucka I know! So, how dat match go?

Mario: Good.

Yoshi: Really? Liek, real good?

Mario: Yeah. Real good.

Yoshi: Hehe! Well alright then!

Yoshi pounded fists with Mario despite this being a bit out of Mario's comfort zone.

Mario: So whats been going on here since we've been gone? Did you guys get raped by Flurrie or something?

Flurrie: I wish...

Goombella: Welp, you remember the 1st match you had against Robotnik back in Ghettoport?

Mario: Well yeah. I fisted his ass.

Goombella: Dude, like, rhetorical question! So basically, I uploaded that fight on YouTube. It's getting alot of views so far! I only JUST uploaded it while you were gone.

[YOUTUBE MODE]

Robotnik: THAT'S IT! WHEN IM DONE WITH YOU, IM GONNA ASS FUCK YOU SO HARD THAT YOUR ASS BLEEDS AND WE BOTH GET AIDS! THEN IM GOING TO GO BACK TO YOUR HOMETOWN AND GIVE IT TO EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER CARED FOR!

Mario: GO AHEAD AND WASTE YOUR TIME! THERE IS NOBODY I FUCKING CARE FOR!

Robotnik charges with an ultimate ass blast attack worth 500 damage (strongest move in the game)

Mario deflects it by shoving his fist up Robotnik's asshole: [1 damage]

Robotnik rolled on his back and inexplicitly soiled himself from the harsh anal tension from Mario's fist thus embarrassing him.

Mario shakes all of the blood off of his hand and some gets on Goombella

[END OF YOUTUBE MODE]

Yoshi: DAYAMN! That shit be everywhere nigga!

Koops: Gee whiz! That was cool!

Flurrie: You look sexy as always sweety. I can almost smell your brother's puke on you in the video...

Mario: How the fuck do you know that? ... Ah screw it. Your a confusing character that should have been banished after the Beta version.

Mario received another text message.

Mario: How much you wanna bet thats aNoNyMoUs again?

Koops: 5 Coins!

Goombella: Please don't make that bet.

Goombella looked over at Mario's phone and read the aNoNyMoUs letter.

Goombella: Looks like it is an aNoNyMoUs letter after all.

Mario: HA! You're in my debt now Koops!

Koops: Aww mann... Let me just read the thing.

aNoNyMoUs: 60 81(| 70 _|4/\/\84 _||_|!(3.

Koops: Go back to Jamba juice!?

Goombella: Wait, how did this person know we went to Jamba Juice in the 1st place? Geez. I think we have a stalker in our hands...

Flurrie: Maybe it's just a frisky fan of ours. A frisky fan especially for me! Flurrie!

Koops: Maybe the fan wants to tie us up make us smell some chloroform, then break our knees, and conjoin our mouths to our anus holes!

Every1 else: ...

Goombella: What the hell are you talking about!?

Yoshi: Damn guys! Yall thinkin we should check this Jiving Juicy Jamba place out?

Goombella: I have no idea. Maybe it's a trap of something.

Mario: *Sigh* I guess I temporarily have to take back what I said about never going back to Jamba Juice... Fuck. Thinking about this really hurts the tip on my penis.

Koops: Why?

Mario: Cause its frustrating that's why! Now shut up before I have a homicidal aneurysm and kill all of you!

The 5 strange moronic characters entered back in the Jamba Juice to investigate all this mysterious hootenanny at work.

Mario: Oh my god! These fans everywhere wont stop fucking bugging me! This is why I stopped going to Comic Con.

Goombella: Then why did you even become a famous videogame icon in the 1st place?

Mario: I don't know. I was homeless for a few years back after I dropped out of highschool. Next thing I knew while I had a needle stuck in my heart, some Japanese people in business suits were looking for any stupid random video game icon they can find in the late 70s. That, or they said they were looking for some1 who looked like a young Saddam Hussein and figured that would be a good image for some reason. I just wanted to stop being fucking homeless already cause you know, it fucking sucks! So then in the early 80's, I become a stupid iconic character for autistic nose picking 9 year olds. But at least I wasn't fucking homeless anymore.

Yoshi: Dayamn! That shit be dope!

Koops: What about Luigi?

Mario: I don't fucking know. The guy just leeches off my success.

Goombella: So wait, you were 20 when Donkey Kong came out? It's odd cause you don't seem like you've aged much since then!

Mario: Its a mix of me being an early bloomer and just doing a shit ton of drugs. You can't really tell anyway cause these were 8 bit fucking pixels they were using back them. Thats why you can't see my facial details.

Team M walked up to the cashier awaiting for whatever the email be talking about.

Yeldop: Yah ha ha ha! What can I do for you fine gentlemen!?

Mario: Oh hey! It's you! I remember you from the 3 times I've been in your Pub making some kind of scene! What are you doing here?

Yeldop: You must be thinking of my brother! I am Podley's evil twin! Yeldop! He owns a crappy pub in the Ghetto where he receives a low income! I manage this here Jamba Juice where I feed a corporate chain in Glitzville and make much more money than him! Ah ha ha ha haaaaa!

Yoshi: Yei...

Mario: Nah. I get it. And I don't give a shit. So, by any chance, do you know what's up with this aNoNyMoUs shit?

Goombella: Yeah, this random stalker told us to go back here for some reason.

Yeldop: Hmmm... So you must be The Great Gonzales eh!? Oooo... I've been waiting for you!

Mario: Yeah? Wait, Are you that aNoNyMoUs guy? ARE YOU THE STALKER THAT'S ABOUT TO GET HIS FACE FLATTENED BY MY WOODEN-!?

Goombella: MARI- GONZALES! I thought we agreed not to strike 1st and ask questions later!?

Mario: We never DISCUSSED THAT!

Yeldop: WAIT WAIT! Let me explain? See, a package was left for you to this address. It has a letter attached to it saying "Look for a fat greasy Italian slob with bad hygiene named Gonzales. You know, the famous asshole who thinks he's god and pulls a shit ton of OP victories in gross ways?" Here's your package.

Mario dropped his pants as this act appears to be a casual taunt of his judging by the many scenarios already where he's done this. He also grabbed his balls emphasising his "package."

Mario: I got a package for you right here. It's called deez nuts bitch!

Yoshi: Ah hell yeah!

Yoshi pulled down his pants and gripped his nuts tauntingly as well.

Goombella: Would you both knock it off and open the fucking package already!?

Mario: Oh right... force of habit. It wasn't even a fucking chick this time...

Mario started to open the package.

Koops: Wait, how do you know it's not a bomb?

Mario: Stop being paranoid. If it was a bomb, they wouldn't send it to fucking Jamba Juice.

Goombella: Maybe they would though.

Mario: Then I'll kick it's ass!

Goombella: That's not how explosions work.

Mario: ... Shut up.

Mario opened the package and got sucked into the void like a vacuum. This only sucked Mario in for some reason. *Sigh* Is this fanfiction making any sense yet? Have you tried reading this on some kind of drug? You might like it better.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! Does shit like this happens every chapture?

Goombella: Yeah... It does actually. Shit.

Mario appeared in yet another dimension of nothing but white and small red polka dots. No floor. Nothing.

Toadette: Hiya!

Mario: What? You again!? I thought I fucking killed you!

Toadette: Teehee. No silly. Im immortal. Kill me all you want, but I'll always come back!

Mario: You're a what?

Toadette: So you're probably wondering why you're here? Welp. For starters, HERE! Heres a SUPER HAMMER! Congratulations!

Toadette held up a titanium hammer. Then somehow despite physics, allowed it to levitate for Mario's reach to grab.

Mario: You're giving me a fucking hammer this time?

Toadette: Of course of course! It's WAY more powerful than that old wooden 1 you've kept for 3 or 4 years. You can do new techniques with it, and get this! This is the best part! It increases your base attack level to 4! So that means your power level has been increased up to 75!

Mario: You better tell me how owning a better hammer increases my physical strength right now or you're gonna die again!

Toadette: Well come now. Wanna learn some cool moves with that new hammer of yours?

Mario: ...

Mario turned his head and looked at the 4th wall camera viewpoint. He gave a sarcastic look while nodding his head in an agreement towards you guys. Then he whacked Toadette's shit in the face decapitating her.

Mario: Finally. Now I can go back to my realm.

Mario got sucked out of that dimension and re-entered his own where he last left off.

Yoshi: Gonzales! You is back!

Mario: Why can't there just be a fucking hammer and not this dimensional bullcrap!

Goombella: So what happened this time? Was it another curse? Or was it some other shit?

Mario: ... Some other shit. I guess I got this new hammer that increases my power level I guess.

Goombella: That doesn't make any sense. Sure you gained a stronger weapon, but that doesn't mean your strength increased at all.

Mario: Try not to overthink this. Lets just be happy we got some decent results.

Flurrie: So what about that huge chunk of wood of yours? And I'm not talking about your penis for 1ce.

Mario: Fffffffffffffffffuck. I must have left it in the dimension... Damnit. I guess its fine since I got this new face smasher. Hopefully its not made in China, I have the worst luck with shit like that.

Koops: But you got it from another dimension!

Mario: Do not stifle my ideas Koops.

aNoNyMoUs attempted to reach the drunk hero yet again for a mysterious message that's secretly have been making Mario's phone run slower for some reason... .

Koops: Whoa! I wish Koopie Koo would message me back that quick!

aNoNyMoUs: 5/\/\45# 7#3 810(| !/\/ 7#3 70!1473 !/\/ 7#3 /\/\!/\/0|? 1#46|_|3 10(|3|?00/\/\. 7#3 |?3|) 0/\/3.

Koops: Smash the block in the toilet in the minor league locker room. The red 1.

Goombella: Are you sure? You need to teach me how to read in leet

Koops: It's pretty easy. All it is is typing words in other keyboard characters that aren't letters from the alphabet. Like, 0 is O, 1 is L or I. I think it's implied that ! is I. M is /\/\. 4 is A although I think using is better. Or like how 7 is T even though + is better. I also think $ should be S instead of 5. The hardest 1 for me is |? being R. I'm so glad M and N have never been next to each other yet.

Goombella: So its like, regular english but visually twisted? Alright. I guess I have to use my imagination a little then.

Yeldop: Whah hah hah haaat? Don't I get a thank you!?

Mario: Thank this!

Mario took his hammer, and lethally murdered Podley's evil twin by pancaking his face making him the 1st victim of his new hammer. A random black metal kid snapchatted it for his new live album cover. The rest of the people in Jamba Juice cheered knowing Gonzales killed an evil twin.

Yoshi: So, we going back to dat dookie dank locker room?

Mario: I guess. It would be nice to see what the bathroom finally looks like behind that block.

Goombella: Ya. What if that's where the star is located.

Flurrie: My heart is racing embracing the smell.

As Flurrie's heart embraced the smell of the shitty bathroom. Mario and his strange friends encountered the securitim guarding the door.

Yoshi: So why are we followin dis anonymoses shit in the email? Sounds like a trap and shit.

Mario: Come on, It's not like anything is gonna happen to us. I mean, who the hell do you think I am?

Securitim: Hey! You're a Major Leaguer. You're not supposed to be entering the minor league locker room.

Mario: Oh yeah. Sorry. I left my phone in here.

Mario was casually playing with his phone while he said that.

Securitim: Oh! Alright. Take your time.

Alright. That was a quick scene. Now back into the minor league locker room.

Goombella: Holy shit. That actually worked.

Koops: What were you watching?

Mario: Porn.

Master Crash: OH HI! MARIO! REMEMBER ME!? IM MASTER BOMBING CRASH!

Cleftor: He remember's you just fine Master Cunt!

Master Crash: I'M GONNA SMOKE YOU LIKE A BOMBING CRACK ROCK!

Flurrie: AWww... What's with all this emotional drama?

Master Crash: YAA... SORRY. WERE JUST SICK OF EACHOTHER! IT SUCKS BEING THE ONLY 2 BOMBING PEOPLE WHO FIGHT IN THIS ROOM! WHATS UP WITH THAT!?

Cleftor: It would be easier if sometimes we had our own rooms where we can have our alone time from time to time.

Mario: Say no more! I'm gonna solve every1's problems by doing this!

Mario walked up to the big ass block blocking the bathroom smashing it in 100s of pieces. Guess what? Not only was the bathroom actually clean the entire time, but Jolene was seen having sex on the floor. WITH KOOPS' DAD! He was fucking her doggy style!

Mario got an immediate boner.

Mario: WHOA!

Goombella: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?

KOOPS: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

Jolene: OH MY GOD!

Flurrie: WHY WASN'T I, FLURRIE INVITED!?

Kooply: Oh hey there sonny boy. Long time no see huh?

Koops: AWW! Come on DAAAD! Why do you have to embarrass me like this?

Yoshi: DATS YO DADDY!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAA!

Kooply: Oh pardon my manners Koops! I've just resuming my sex tour around the world.

Jolene: You shouldn't...err... You shouldn't be in here... How did you ffff... CAN YOU GET YOUR DICK OUT OF MY ASS ALREADY SO I CAN TALK NORMALLY!?

Master Crash: I WISH BANDY ANDY WAS BOMBING HERE TO SEE THIS!

Kooply: Yes. 1 moment.

Kooply not so gently pulled his manly Koopa Kock out of Jolene's butthole. Shame there was no lubricate involved.

Goombella: Wait? You guys were having anal sex? I thought you were a virgin or something.

Jolene: I am. I'm abstinent.

Jolene put her pants back on while Kooply was naked and doing that lame proud pose he always does in the game.

Goombella: That's not abstinence. You were just recieving butt sexxx a few seconds ago.

Jolene: That maybe true, but I also don't want to resort to having any unwanted pregnancy. So doing anal to prevent that is the next best thing.

Goombella: That's a load of horse shit.

Flurrie: Your dick smells nice Koops' dad.

Kooply: Thanks!

Koops: Grrrr...

Jolene: Can you stop smelling my ass on his dick!? I'm embarrassed enough already...

Cleftor: Hold on, you know you can still get pregnant from anal right?

Flurrie: Yeah. Cause with the wonders of gravity and splattery goodness, the man cream will spill out of the hole of anal, and will pour down the small taint that females such as myself have and soon reach the pusswah. I'm an expert hunny. I know this.

Jolene: ...

Goombella: So wait, you had that whole bathroom blockaded just so you can have sex with people!? Fucking whore...

Master Crash: WELL PERSONALLY, I'M JUST HAPPY WE HAVE 2 ROOMS NOW!

Jolene: A better question I could ask is, how did you break the block? And what are you doing back in the minor leagues? Major Leaguers are only allowed in their designated locker rooms!

Yoshi: We got an email tellin-

Mario: What Yoshi is trying to say, is "Eat a dick bitch!"

Yoshi: Oh yeah.

Kooply: Well... That kind of already happened.. hehe.

Koops: Reerrrr... Daaaad...

Jolene: Just... Get the hell out of here before I have you 5 penalized. In the meantime, I have to get some gaws for my…. yeah.

Kooply: Does this mean we're not finishing our sexin?

Jolene: No. This ruined the moment.

Kooply: Aww man. Oh well. I guess I'll be going now.

Koops: Wait dad! Your not gonna stay here and watch us fight? We're big super stars now!

Kooply: Ehh... No thanks. Instead, let me give you a little advice. *sigh* It's great to chase some tail. As a matter of fact, its the greatest thing in the universe. But you see, sometimes you just got to get the job done quick incase something suddenly comes up. Always be on your guard son, cause if your not, the bitch aint gonna be pleased. So save the long moments for the night so that way, things are less likely to come up and ruin the fun. And that is why day time sex can always be risky.

Yoshi: Amen to that brotha!

Koops: Aww jee wizz daaaddd... Your advice sure gives me the jib jabs...

Jolene: CAN YOU PLEASE FUCKING LEAVE!? All of you!

Jolene slammed the door on the Team M members. From that Point on, Kooply was gone, so don't ask.

Yoshi: Yo Gonzales! Why you silencin' me?

Mario: Cause I don't trust these people. For all we know, Jolene, or Grubba, or even Rawk Hawk might be in on the emailing shit.

Goombella: I highly doubt Jolene has anything to do with it. I mean, we did walk in on her taking a DnA.

Mario: Hehe. I get it in both ways.

Koops: But wait, why would aNoNyMoUs have us go there? I don't get it.

Yoshi: I got it! Maybe they were tryin to test the hammer to see if it works.

Mario: Thats still retarded. I don't know. Lets just go back to our fucking Glory Hole Mission already.

Yoshi: Yei. Whatever...

Black to dat major ass locker room,

Mario began reserving his match in the name of getting closer to the dedly star.

Grubba: Howdy howdy howdy Gonzales!

Goombella: Everytime I hear "Howdy", I really wanna shoot some1.

Grubba: Say! I see your fixing for another ho down! Well let see, your gonna be facin' a few of your locker mates. This 1 looks interesting! You'll be up against rank 7. Los Escándalos De Concha! Its a fitting match I've been waiting to brew up faster than mah meth- I mean, NOTHING. Anyway, it's perfect. They're Mexican, the crowd out there thinks you're Mexican! It almost makes me wanna give yall some costumes and some masks!

Mario: Please don't. I will actually find an elaborate way to kill you if you do.

Grubba: Just kiddin' partner! Now, for this match, I wanna see you wrap that battle up in no more than 5 turns! I got a date with a young flower from Thailand and she ain't cheap I tell yuh what! Her mom is auctioning off her virginity and I gotta enjoy my money's worth! I'll get a Securitim right away!

Call End.

Koops: Say. Instead of battling all the time, how about we just wait and see where the emails lead us to!

Goombella: I think this person actually wants us to work our way up the ranks. Who knows. For all we know, it could be somewhere in the champion's room.

Mario: If so, can't we just kick some Securitim ass and show them what's up?

Goombella: God damnit. That can't be your answer to everything. Especially since we almost got arrested and sent into a terrorist island. Beating people can't solve all your problems.

Mario: BUT IT CAN THOUGH! SERIOUSLY!

Securitim: What were you saying?

Mario: NOTHING! Let's get another fight started! Yoshi, and Goombella. You're coming with me.

Koops: Ahh man. Welp. I better hide in the bathroom so Flurrie doesn't rape me.

Shell Shocker: HOLD UP! I'm coming too, gringos!

Another Glory Hole Glitzkreig begins as fans were literally as wild as ever. Which sais alot. I mean, most of them didn't even have fucking clothes on. Have you ever been to an EDM show before? It's like some of that. They were all fucked up on some kind of shady club drugs that should never have been made in the 1st place. Apparently, Grubba's drugs somehow got mixed with the pretzels during a big ass sale for them. So many people were touching and feeling eachother up. Even the Kids. Even the Securitims...

Grubba: DUDES AND DUDETTES! WELCOME BACK TO ANOTHER GLORY HOLE GLITZKREIG! FOR THIS MATCH, WE HAVE THE SPIK- Shit. They don't like it when I call them that. WE HAVE THE SHELLS OF ASULE! THE HERMANOS FROM THE OTHER MADRES! PLEASE WELCOME, LOS ESCÁNDALOS DE CONCHA! I hope I pronounced that right.

The speakers started blasting Oye Como Va by Carlos Santana as the gang of 2 greyish brownish skinned Koopas and 1 Paratroopa with the same kind of shades that every Koopa enemy seems to wear. I'll describe them how I always do; Gurren Lagann shades. They walked on stage while the Mexican demographic started shouting stereotypical mexican things louder than ever while swinging their shirts around.

Grubba: AND IN THE NEXT CORNER, WE HAVE ANOTHER TEAM OF MEXICANS HEADING TO THE RING! PLEASE WELCOME THE ORPHAN CRIPPLER HIMSELF ALONG WITH HIS CREW! THE GREAT GONZALESES!

The speakers then blasted Face Fisted by Dethklok since it is their theme as fighters after all. They walked on stage as even more Mexicans started screaming at the top of their lungs. Couples threw their babies straight out of their wombs as usual. They splattered like yesterday's lunch.

Mario: HA! Look at all those babies splatter!

Shell Shocker: Hola Senior Gonzales! Tell me? What kind of coin store did you pick out your get up homes? (A coin store is like a dollar store incase you don't get it)

Mario: Are you talking about the same Dollar Store you were born and put up for adoption in!?

Shady Koopa (Age 29): You are Estúpido! WE STAND FOR ALL THAT IS KICKING YOU IN EL POLLA!

Mario: OH YEAH? WELL, WE STAND FOR ALL THAT IS DRINKING, FIGHTING, AND FORNICATING! WE'LL SMOKE YOUR WEED AND RAPE YOUR WOMEN!

Yoshi: NICE 1!

Goombella: ...Did you really have to include that last part? With the rape? It was kind of messed up.

Mario: Yeah! It was funny. Why? Don't you get it?

Goombella: *sigh* Dumbass...

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 48/75

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Doing stuff

Flurrie: Hopefully not raping

Yoshi: Power Level 25

FP: 1/10

V.S.

Shady Koopa: Power Level 30

Shady Paratoopa (Age 33): Power Level 30

Shell Shocker: Power Level 30

Battle Music: Seek and Destroy by Metallica

[TURN 1]

Goombella uses tattle: These are Shady Koopas. I don't know why they're referred to as that. Hopefully it's not because they're Mexican. If so, i'm throwing out this book immediately! Don't underestimate them though. Even on their shells, they can still find a way to spin dash. I mean like, with their mexican break dancing powers, they can still powershell their way through all of us. So be on you guard at ALL times!

Mario: Jeez Goombella: A little paranoid much?

Goombella: Bite me ass!

Yoshi: Okay!

Goombella: Not you! Shut up!

Yoshi uses 4 fold ground pounds on Shady Koopa pinning him on his back knocking him on his shell: [3 Damage]

Mario uses-

Mario: Wait hold on. I think a kid is about to throw a rock at me. 1 sec.

Mario made his way to the audience where the kid was sitting and he smashed the kid's face putting him in the hospital. That'll show him for throwing things at the performers.

Mario: Anyhow!

Mario smoked a lightning blotto from the bong it comes with on Shady Koopa 1 zapping him to the extreme: [5 Damage]

Mario: Holy fuck that got me high!

Shady Paratroopa: Shit! That really blasted his coola.

Shell Shocker: I say we blast all these gringos right here.

Yoshi: BITCH! Who you callin Gringo!? Do I look like a fucking Gringo nigga!?

Paratroopa uses shell strike at Mario... but he countered it by uppercutting him Smash bros style: [ -1 Damage]

Shell Shocker uses shell slamming slam down on Yoshi making him feel like he just got punched in the face: [3 Damage]

Yoshi: You just hit a kid bitch!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses tattle on Shady Paratroopa : This is a Shady Paratroopa. Same thing but with wings.

Mario: Is that tattle even necessary?

Goombella: Yep! Now stop your complaining!

Yoshi uses ground pound times 4 move on Shady Paratroopa demoting him to a regular Shady Koopa: [2 Damage]

Mario uses charge boosting his power level to 64/100

Shady Paratroopa uses super ultra overpowered shall tornado power shell on Mario and Yoshi: [6 Fucking Damage]

Mario: OW! FUCK!

Goombella: WHAT HAPPENED TO STAYING ON YOUR GUARD MARIO!?

Yoshi reached the pearl status of only having 1 HP.

Shell Shocker: I'll finish this uno off.

Shell Shocker used shell slam on Yoshi. Luckily in the heid on the moment, Yoshi countered it by kicking him through the shell hole and into his face: [-1 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Mario uses his powered up hammer smash on the Shady Koopa on his back putting him in so much pain from the impact, that it left him unconscious: [6 Damage]

Yoshi uses-

Yoshi: FUCK THIS SHIT! Goombella! We switchin!

Yoshi switches with Goombella.

Shell Shocker uses another unsuccessful shell slam on Mario that ultimately got countered with his foot: [-1 Damage]

[TURN 4]

Goombella uses regular double goomba bounce jump attack on Shell Shocker: [3 Damage]

Goombella: FINISH HIM OFF MARIO!

Mario: K!

Mario hammer smashed Shell Shocker right threw the shell getting all the sharp pieces of shell stuck in his body giving him the funniest kind of internal bleeding. Funnier than King K's: [4 Damage]

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: THE GREAT GONZALES WINS AGAIN!1

Yoshi: YEI! *Coughs of Blood* We won!

Goombella: Are you gonna be alright.

Yoshi: Yei... Im good.

Yoshi passed out on the floor fainted.

Mario: Well... that was fun.

The door suddenly opened with the Armored Saint's making another appearance.

Armored Dickinson: NOT SO FUCKING FAST!

Grubba: HEY YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BANNED!

Grubba grabbed his walkie talkie.

Grubba: SECURITIMS!

100 Frikkin Securitims tackled the Armored Saints thinking that would escort them the fuck out of there. Instead, they just blasted all of them into different corners of the Glory Hole.

Armored Beloff: NICE TRY! THAT ONLY TURNED US ON!

The Armored Saints hopped on stage.

Grubba: SO WHAT ARE YOU 2 SLIMY BROTHER FUCKERS DOING HERE!?

Armored Beloff: WE WANT A REMATCH AGAINST THE GREAT GONZALES!

Grubba: NO WAY! YOU GAY WADS ARE BANNED FROM GLITZVILLE! YOU SHOULD ALL BE ARRESTED!

Armored Dickinson: NICE TRY! WE'LL ONLY BREAK OUT!

Armored Beloff: YEAH! NO PRISON CELL CAN HOLD US! HEHE OUR BODIES ARE WAY TOO STRONG FOR PRISON BARS TO CONTAIN US! HRR HRR HRR HRRRRRR!

Grubba: Hmm... FINE! YOU KNOW, IN THAT CASE, GONZALES! DO WHAT YOU DO BEST AND KICK THEIR GAY IRON ASSES!

Mario: No problem! I got this!

Goombella: Uhh... Remember last time? we only won cause you got them banned from Glitzville for having twincest in the 1st place! If that isn't working again, then what now?

Mario: It's all good. We'll like, just use Yoshi's gulp...

Mario and Goombella looked at Yoshi passed out with his tongue sticking out and his hand down his pants.

Mario: ... Fucking shit.

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 30/75

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Still not here.

Flurrie: Not here either.

Yoshi: 3/25

FP: OUT OF IT

V.S.

Armored Dickinson: Power Level Infinity

Armored Beloff: Power Level Infinity

Battle Music: Rock and Roll All Nite by Kiss

Armored Dickinson: YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO NOW!?

Armored Beloff: WERE GONNA COMBINE!

Armored Dickinson: YEAH! INTO AN EVEN STRONGER HEAVIER FORM THAN EVER BEFORE!

Armored Dickinson and Beloff fused into a combined form of themselves that took the form of something like the Pokemon Golem. Here's a better description. Have any of you played Pokemon Fusion Generator before? It looked like Ivysaur fused with Golem. The version with Ivysaur's face on Golem's body. Yeah. Like that. But with the Armored Saints. As you can tell, this form is overpowered as all hell. I mean, this thing is stronger than infinity for fuck sakes. I don't think even Super Man can touch that shit.

Goombella: ... We're doomed.

Armored Belickinsoff: HAHAHA! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF US NOW BOOGER HEADS!?

The floor stage started to crack a little bit under the fused monster.

Armored Belickinsoff: Wha... what the?

Suddenly, the floor under the iron monster collapsed and the OP bastard fell threw not only the floor, but Glitzville itself! Thats what they get for being so fucking heavy.

Armored Belickinsoff: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

... ... .. . . . . . . . . .

[END OF BATTLE MODE]

Grubba: ... WELP! THAT SOLVES THAT HOOTENANNY! GONZALES WINS AS ALWAYS!

Audience: LET'S GO GONZALES LETS GO *SLAP ASS* LETS GO GONZALES LETS GO *SLAP ASS* LETS GO GONZALES LETS GO *SLAP ASS*

Goombella: ... Okay then...

Mario: HA! AND THAT IS WHY IT IS NOT OKAY TO BE FAT!

Chapture 4 - 16: MY ARCH-NEMESIS!

Jolene: Here is your prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 7.

Mario: How does your butt feel?

Jolene: ... I… Now if you excuse me, I must be going...

Jolene walked out the door and back doing who gives a flying fuck. She was still walking funny from the anal sex with Koops' dad. QUICK! STOP READING THIS AND 1 OF YOU DRAW THAT SEX SCENE SO I CAN FIND IT ON DEVIANTART AND LAUGH!

Mario: Did she…. forget to give me my money?

Flurrie: Hello my Glamorous Gonzales! Guess what Koops and I have been watching on his phone?

Mario: Let me guess, Simpsons hentai?

Koops: Not this time! You see, she was originally going to try and rape me, but then I started watching pregnant women farting porn instead!

Goombella: Oh come on! Give me a break! That's just sick...

Koops: Well, you know what's hot? When they like, fart, and it makes their boobs kind of jiggle a little. That kind of rhymes.

Mario: NO Koops! Do not start getting back into rap again!

Koops: Nah. Don't worry. I got it all out of my system. I'm into pregnant women farting now. It was actually an old fetish of mine I've forgotten about till just recently.

Flurrie: I love the 1 that was wearing the Hello Kitty Diaper. I concur that time towards the end when she farted loudly, she indeed sharted. I can smell what I hear.

Koops: What if she like, pooped out a diaper?

Flurrie: ...mmmm now that would make me most randy I do say. Now i'm considering getting pregnant for the sake of just porn.

Koops: What are you gonna do with the baby then?

Flurrie: Oh you know...

Koops: No I don't.

Mario: Can we stop talking about this shit!? Its turning me on too much to think clearly right now.

Yoshi: Yei man... I'm almost ded and shit...

Koops: Holly Comolli! What happened to Yoshi?

Mario: He almost got knocked the fuck out by the Spik Koopas we sent to the hospital!

Goombella: ...

Yoshi: Well... i'm going the fuck to sleep bitches. Call if yuh need mah ass niggas.

Yoshi fell on the floor lacking the strength to get back up.

Yoshi: A little help bitches?

Koops lifted Yoshi and rested him on the bed. He was soon about to pull down Yoshi's polka dot speedo thing.

Yoshi: The fuck you doing gay ass?

Koops: Oh sorry. I usually sleep naked so I was trying to be helpful.

Yoshi: Shut ... the fuck...

Yoshi passed out regaining his HP.

Mario: Well that was fun. I'm gonna reserve another match now.

Koops: WAIT!

Mario: What?

Koops: Nevermind. I forgot what I was gonna say. Whoopsies.

Mario began the match reserving process as always.

Grubba: HOWDY PARTNAH! You're probably wondering how my date with my under aged prostitute from Thailand went? Those Armored Sodomizers dug right into my time with appearin like that! So I had to beat her over the head with a metal pole givin her a big gaping hole in her head! It's okay! Cause now I have 4 holes to work with instead of 3! Hyuk hyuk hyuk! So it all worked out for the best I tell you what. So, about this here fight you seek eh? Alright lets see here. Looks like you're up against Rank 6! The Police! Originally, they were called "The Fuzz", but they felt it was too obvious since they're fuzzys and what not. So they decided to rip something else off instead. I don't get it either. So yeah, heres your challenge for this match! Bring only Flurrie with you. She seems familiar to me so Im just curious if shes some1 I've masterbated to or not. I NEED TO KNOW! Yuh know that feelin? Anyway, do what you do best and have at it! A securitim will get your keisters soon! YEI HA!

Call End.

Mario: Okay. So we're fighting Fuzzies this time. This will be weak as shit so don't brace yourselves.

Mario suddenly received another text from some1!

Mario: Come on! Not aNoNymOuS again! I got a match to fight!

Goombella took a closer look at the message.

Goombella: No wait! That's some1 else.

The front text reads: From Rawk Hawk.

Goombella: Holy shit! He can type!? Oh this has got to be good!

*69 SUP BITCH. ITS STAR 69 HEAR! LISSIN! U R DED MEET BUHDY! U R DIED IF YOU TRY TO WORK YOUR WAY UP THE RAWKS! U R DED MEET BUDDY! UR GONNA GET RAWKE- I MEEN, PUNCHED HARHARHARHARH!1111

- From: RAWK HAWK

Goombella: Why did he type in star 69? Did he think that we wouldn't know it was him? Pffffffffft This guy has no idea how star 69 works! HAHAHHAHAHAAAA! Thats glorious.

Koops: He must have thought that texting was like calling when it comes to typing star 69 1st before the number.

Mario: Coming from me; a guy who can't read, thats pretty retarded.

Flurrie: Small brains are kind of a turn on of mine.

Goombella: What doesn't turn you on?

Flurrie: CONDOMS!

Securitim: Sir Gonzales. Your match awaits as always.

Meanwhile, in the Glory of Hole...

Grubba: FER OUR NEXT GLORIOUS MASSACRE, WE HAVE THE INFECTED MASTERS OF MOLD! THE DEITIES OF DEFORMITY! THEY MAY BE FUZZY, BUT THEY'RE ALSO WUZZY! PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR THE POLICE!

The speakers started blasting Roxanne by the Police the audience got excited. They all started singing along to it as 3 fuzzies all of different colors started rolling around and bouncing on the stage platform. A female fan held out her arms as she wanted to kiss 1 of the fuzzies. The pink 1 did and drained her FP. This confirms that only humans can possess FP. Non humans can use FP but only when they are accompanied by humans.

Grubba: AND COMING UP AS THE 2ND PERSON I ANNOUNCE FOR ALMOST EVERY SINGLE MATCH I HAVE ANNOUNCED TODAY! HERE COMES THE ABORTIONATOR HIMSELF! THE GREAT GONZALES!

Mario and Flurrie walked and hovered onto the stage where Flurrie's horrid smell made a few people she passed by puke up a waterfall. A waterfall of puke...

Fuzzy (Age 911): KUHBLAAAAAAAAH! KUBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mario: The fuck are you hairy retards saying!?

Green Fuzzy (Age 420): KUHBLAH BLIBBITY BLAAAAH!

Flurrie: I think from what I can make out from their luscious lip movements, they're only bragging about how fuzzy and wuzzy they are. I must say, I do indeed concur...

Mario: WUZZY!? THAT MAKES ME SO MAD! YOU GUYS THINK YOUR FUZZY AND FUCKING WUZZY!? I AM SO KICKING YOUR ASSES TO HIGH HEAVEN FOR THAT!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 30/75

Goombella: AF[BM]

Koops: AF[BM]

Flurrie: Power Level 30

Yoshi: AF[BM]

FP: NONE

V.S.

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Green Fuzzy: Power Level 13

Flower Fuzzy (Age 455) ← LEET JOKE!: Power Level 15

Battle Music: Fuck Tha Police by N.W.A.

[TURN 1]

Flurrie: IMMA GONNA GIVE YOU A TASTE OF MY MCFLURRIE MILK SHAKE!

Flurrie uses mcflurry milkshake by fondling her gross saggy orangatang shaped titties to prep up for her boob slam which she did on Regular Fuzzy: [2 Damage]

Mario: Ha. Goombella is gonna be so pissed that she wasn't able to tattle these creatures.

Mario uses double jump jamberi on Green Fuzzy: [4 Damage]

Fuzzy uses weak enemy tackle on Flurrie. Flurrie countered by biting him so hard, that he died from raging internal bleeding! More so from getting bitten in half.: [-1 Damage]

Green Fuzzy uses bite lock on Flurrie draining a 5th of her HP: [3 Damage]

Flurrie: How exotic...

Flower Fuzzy tries doing the same but got countered: [-1 Damage]

[TURN 2]

Mario uses metal hammer smash on Green Fuzzy: [4 Damage]

Flurrie performs another boob blast in the air only at Flower Fuzzy: [2 Damage]

Green Fuzzy uses bite lock on Mario in which he stomped on the thing like a Mario enemy. Oh wait.:-1 Damage]

Flower Fuzzy: KUHBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Flower Fuzzy uses FP drain on Mario: [3 Damage]

Mario: HA! JOKES ON YOU! I HAVE NO FP ASSHOLE!

[TURN 3]

Mario uses Link's aerial down A move in smash bros but with a hammer flattening the remaining Fuzzy ending the battle: [4 Damage]. Didn't King Dedede do that already?

Mario: I love how I don't need FP to do 4 damage no more.

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: WE HAVE THE WINNERS! THE GREAT GONZALES! AND FLURRIE'S MOM!

Flurrie: He thinks im his... mom? Mmmm... Talk about a turn on...

Grubba: COMMERCIAL TIME!

[COMMERCIAL MODE]

The Great Gonzales is unknowingly sponsored by...

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[END OF COMMERCIAL]

Back to the locker room.

Jolene: Here's your prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now at rank 6.

Jolene handed Mario 13 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I best be heading back to work. By the way, a fan left you a cake on the table as a gift. So... I guess just…. eat it. I don't know what you people do with cake these days.

Jolene left the room.

Koops: Oh golly! Cake!

Flurrie: I Flurrie, must partake in the art of sitting and farting on it. After all, cake farts are the new big thing of today's youth!

Flurrie was about to sit on the cake with her foul disgusting bum like region!

Mario: NO YOU DON'T BITCH!

Mario was about to charge and deck Flurrie in the face.

Mario: LET'S SEE YUH GRIP THOSE TEETH!

As Mario yelled out this line, he brutally punched Flurrie in the jaw pounding her on the wall.

Goombella: Was that necessary Mario?

Mario: YES IT WAS! *breathes heavily* I FUCKING LOVE CAKE!

Goombella: Jeez. Well. I say we should keep our guard up. There's a good chance that the cake might be poisoned. I say we shouldn't take our chances in case it's some kind of trap.

Mario: Yeah yeah. If there's anything I love in this world, it's sex, drugs, violence, and cake! So imma havin' at it!

Mario grabbed a handful of the cake and aggressively shoved the wad of cake in his mouth while chewing with his mouth opened like a gross 5 year old that never learned table manners.

Mario: MMMM... SO GOOD! OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE FUCKING CAKE!

Koops and Flurrie started gobbling down on the cake like mindless self centered retards as well as they too fucking love cake.

Koops: IT'S LIKE CRACK!

Flurrie: IT'S LIKE SEX MIXED WITH BLOODY DIARRHEA!

Koops: I'M HAVING A STOMACH GASM! LOOK AT ME EVERY1! IM STOMACHEGASMING! AAAAHHHH!

Koops in the heed of sugar induced hyperactivity, decided to rub his body on Mario for the sake of random XD.

Koops: MARIO! IM HAVING A STOMACHEGASM! HAHAHAHHAHAHA! LOOK AT ME! IM HAVING A STOMACHGASM!

Mario: GET OFF ME YOU FUCKING WEIRDO!

Mario elbowed Koops in the eye.

Goombella: You guys are fucking idiots.

Mario: Oh relax Goombella. Here. Have some.

Mario grabbed another handful trying to get Goombella to eat some GOD DAMN CAKE!

Goombella: I'm not having any.

Mario: Fine... KOOPS FLURRIE! TIE HER DOWN!

Goombella: WHAT? NO NOOOOOO! STOP IT!

Flurrie pinned down Goombella while Koops closed her nose area shut.

Goombella: I'M NOT EATING THE FUCKING CAKE!

Mario: YES YOU ARE BITCH!

Mario forcefully shoved the cake down Goombella's throat in the most violent way imaginable.

Goombella: Wait... mmmm... Not bad.

Mario: See... its not poison. As a matter of fact, it did the opposite effect in contrast to poison! Our fucking HP and my FP healed up!

Koops: Holy shit! I can totally like, feel it too man! What did they put in that cake, senzu beans!?

Flurrie: I say we should wake Yoshi up and have him try some too.

Koops: GOOD IDEAR!

Koops grabbed the last handful of cake and shook Yoshi up while he was asleep,

Koops: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!

Yoshi: The fuck you doin nigga!?

Koops: TRY SOME OF THIS CAKE! IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL REALLY REALLY GOOD!

Koops in the peak of his sugar rush shoved the cake down Yoshi's throat forcing him to eat that shit up!

Yoshi: DAYAMN NIGGA! The fuck's that shit called again?

Mario: It's called cake and it's fucking amazing!

Yoshi: Damn! It is amazing! Do they make chocolate versions of these?

Goombella: They do!

Yoshi: Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit. Imma get me somadat!

Mario: Yeah that was amazing! Let's reserve another match already.

Mario reserved his match in the same boring ass way.

Grubba: Howdy Gonzales! Want another match as always do yuhz? Why of course you do. So lets see... Your next match looks like it will be up against rank 5! The Majickoopa Masterbaters! Yes. Believe it or not. They take a religious leveled pride into the fact that they masterbate like fucking crazy! Don't shake their hand or anything like that. Not only are their hands crusty with a shit ton of semen, but their palms are hairy too. And they're blind from all of them losses of zinc from their body you see. So they have to rely souly on Majic to see. Now then, for the challenge, I want you to not use any special moves. Even though that's never stopped you before! Don't ask of thy reason! In horny on coke! YEE HA!

Call End.

Koops: Hey, i've been thinking Mario. Shouldn't that Earth LSD have taken effect by now?

Mario: Normally yes, but since this is Earth LSD, it takes alot longer to actually kick in.

Goombella: That doesn't make any sense.

Mario: Well when the fuck has the science of this game made sense?

Securitim: Mr. Gonzales. Your chariot awaits!

Mario: What Chariot? You trying to rape me or something?

Securitim: Just come with me so you can fight some dorks.

Mario: Alright fine. Goombella and Koops. You're coming with.

Yoshi: Maaaan, why can't we all come with?

Mario: Because, I have a system! Now shut up, or i'm putting you up for adoption!

Yoshi: Asshole!

Back to the Glorious Holious for the I lost track of how many times so far. I'm too lazy to figure out the answer to that. If 1 of you can post in the reviews on how many scenes have been in here so far from the star of this entire chapture, that would be amazing! Not that I actually care, I just wanna see who would actually figure out how many there were and post it... 1st 1 who does, gets me to include any character they want. Even 1 you just pulled out of your fat ass.

Grubba: THOSE WITH XX AND YX CHROMOSOMES! WHOSE BLOOD THIRSTY FOR ANOTHER GLORIOUS GLORY HOLE MATCH!?

The Audience were throwing their clothes in excitement over how exciting the match is going to be!

Grubba: ALRIGHT! CALM DOWN EVERY1! I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF OVER YOU FUCKS! SO ANYWAY! WE HAVE THE CHICKEN CHOKERS! THE BANISTERS OF THE TURKEY! THE WEASEL WACKERS! THOSE THAT RATTLE THE SNAKES! THE 1'S WHO WHACK THE GUINEA PIGS WITH A WOODEN BAT! PLEASE WELCOME, THE MAJIKOOPA MASTERBATERS!

A chirping noise occurred as every1 was waiting for the majikoopas, but they maybe running late cause they're too busy MASTERBATING to eachother.

Grubba: WELL... ALRIGHT! I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEM A LITTLE WHILE! IN THE MEAN TIME, PLEASE WELCOME, THE GREAT GONZALEEEES! AND HIS HENCHMEN!

The speakers basted Facefisted by Dethklok opening up for Mario, Goombella, and Koops' entrance. The crowd kept throwing clothes at them. Koops tripped on a bra and landed on his nose!

Koops: Oowwwww... I hate bras!

Grubba: SO GONZALES! HOW ARE YOU FEELING TONIGHT!?

Mario: HORNY! HORNY FOR A FUCKING FIGHT!

Audience: HORNY FOR A FIGHT! HORNY FOR A FIGHT! HORNY FOR A FUCKING FIGHT! HORNY FOR A FIGHT!

Koops: Wowzers! This audience almost reminds me of a group or parretts am I right?

Goombella: ...

Koops: Get it! I said they remind me of-

Goombella: Yeah. I heard you the 1st time.

Koops: Okay. Jeezzluizzz...

Suddenly, the speakers started blasting Viva La Vida by Coldplay (uh oh...) as The Majikoopa Masterbaters hovered over on brooms or even just by manually hovering over.

Mario: OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO! NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! YOU ARE NOT PLAYING FUCKING COLDPLAY AS YOUR OPENING FUCKING THEME!1

Red Majikoopa (Age 14): WE ARE THE MAJIKOOPA MASTERBATERS! FEAR US AS WE ARE SUPER DESENSITIZED BY JUST ABOUT EVERY DISTURBING THING WE HAVE MASTERBATED TO!

Mario: I DON'T CARE! COLDPLAY FUCKING SUCKS AND YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELVES FOR LIKING THEM! RIGHT KOOPS!?

Koops: yeah!

Mario: LOUDER!

Koops: YEAH!

Green Majikoopa (Age 16): WE LOVE MASTERBATING WHILE PLAYING COLDPLAY IN THE BACKGROUND!

Red Majikoopa: THATS RIGHT! IT'S THE BEST THING TO PLAY WHILE MASTERBATING! ESPECIALLY TO SPY CAM TOILET PORN OF CONSTRUCTION WORKERS SHITTING IN PORTA POTTIES!

White Majikoopa (Age 14): SOMETIMES WE GO AS FAR AS MASTERBATING TO COLDPLAY THEMSELVES!

Red Majikoopa: OOOOOOO! CHRIS MARTIN IS SOOO DREAMY!

Mario: I WILL KILL YOU ALL AND NO 1 WILL FEEL BAD!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 75

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Gross ass shit

Yoshi: Trolling the locker mates.

FP: 10

V.S.

Red Majikoopa: Power Level 21

White Majikoopa: Power Level 21

Green Majikoopa: Power Level 21

Battle Music: A Sky Full Of Stars by Coldplay

[TURN 1]

Mario: NO! NONONONONONONO! WERE NOT DOING ANOTHER COLDPLAY SONG! FUCK THAT SHIT! THEY ARE THE LEADING CAUSE OF EAR CANCER AND I WILL NOT TAKE IT!

Goombella: Jeez. I've never met any1 thats hates a band as much as you!

Mario: IT'S THE EPITOME OF ALL THAT IS GARBAGE! SOME1! SMASH THE SOUND SYSTEM OR THE FIGHTS OFF!

Red Majikoopa: Oh just deal with it! Who knows It might grow on you!

Mario: NO! I REFUSE TO FIGHT WHILE LISTENING TO COLDPLAY! I'VE SEEN HOLOCAUSTS MORE REDEEMING THAN THAT!

Green Majikoopa: HEY! We get a say in what music should be played too you know!

Mario: THATS IT! YOU LEAVE ME NOOOOOO CHOICE!

Mario began stomping his feet to repeat his annoying chant that influenced every1 to mindlessly hate Coldplay cause Mario does.

Mario: TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!

Suddenly, the entire audience started joining in on Mario's immature chant.

Mario and the Audience: TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!

Grubba: ALRIGHT! FINE! NO MUSIC FOR THIS BATTLE!

Mario and the Audiance: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

White Majikoopa: Assholes.

Mario: Okay! Now we can fight.

Goombella uses tattle on Red Majikoopa: This is a red Majikoopa incase it's not already blatantly obvious already. Their special power seems to be increasing their power levels by increasing the attack and defense power of teammates along with themselves with dare I say; Majic.

Mario: Cool cool.

Mario uses powerbounce jumping on the Red Majikoopa excessively to the point to where he was passed out flat: [7 Damage]

Green Majikoopa: No! Red Majikoopa is down! He's semen on the floor at this point!

White Majikoopa: I'M GONNA PUNISH YOU HARDER THAN I DO MY OWN PENIS!

White Majikoopa uses triple polygon blast on Goombella with no effect whatsoever: [4 Damage]

Goombella suffered from a mild seizure. I guess there's that.

Mario: Goombella! Quit fooling around!

Green Majikoopa uses invisibility spell on White Majikoopa.

Green Majikoopa: THIS IS WHAT WE USE TO GET AWAY WITH MASTERBATING IN MOVIE THREATERS!

[TURN 2]

Goombella got out of the seizure zone and tattled the shit out of Green Majikoopa: This is a Green Majikoopa. From what you saw, you know he can turn people invisible. He can also grant himself an electrical aura where if you touch it, you will get electrocuted harder than sticking a fork in an electrical outlet.

Mario: Didn't you just have a majical seizure just now?

Goombella: I guess. I'm alright though.

Mario uses generic double jump on Green Majikoopa knocking him off his broomstick. Shit I forgot to mention he was on a broom: [4 Damage]

White Majikoopa uses healing spell on Green Majikoopa: [4 Health]

Mario: Healing spell!? What the fuck!

Green Majikoopa uses self electrifying spell.

Green Majikoopa: SOMETIMES, I USE THESE VIbRATIONS TO TICKLE MY PROSTATE BECAUSE IT'S A CLEVER WAY TO MASTERBATE!

[TURN 3]

Mario: I'm so glad the red 1 is down.

Goombella uses tattle on White Majikoopa: This is White Majikoopa. This 1 has the power to heal people at will. Talk about OP am I right?

Mario: OH I'll show them OP!

Mario uses charge boosting his power level up to 100!

Mario: I'm a fucking triple digit bitches!

White Majikoopa uses polygon projectile on Mario: [4 Damage]

Mario: Damnit! So long for that shining moment.

Green Majikoopa uses colorful shape smash on Mario: [4 Damage]

The invisibility spell on White Majikoopa wore off.

[TURN 4]

Goombella uses double headbonk on White Majikoopa: [4 Damage]

White Majikoopa: MY CLOAK IS AS WHITE AS MY SPERM!

Goombella: Uhh… Okay. That was kind of random.

Mario uses Quake Hammer on both Majikoopas knocking out the White 1: [4 Damage]

Green Majikoopa: ... You leave me NO choice!

Green Majikoopa uses invisibility spell on himself for 2 turns.

Mario: OH GOD DAMNIT! Now we have to wait 2 more turns to kick your ass!

Majikoopa: YEAH! Outsmarted you now, huh?

Mario: No you didn't dumbass. All your doing is slowing down the inevitable and wasting every1's time!

Green Majikoopa: Well now you have no choice but to dodge my polygon projectiles for the next 2 turns! Think you can do that?

Mario: Even if we didn't we'd still kick your ass retard!

2 Turns later of Mario and Goombella using appeal and countering Green Majikoopa's blasts, the invisibility spell finally wore off.

[TURN 7]

Mario: FINALLY!

Mario uses hammer smash splattering blood all over the chronic masterbating koopa's crusty cloak.

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: WE CLEARLY HAVE A WINNER! 1CE AGAIN, PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOOOR THE GREAT GONZALEEEEES!

Bowser: GRAH! NOT SO FUCKING FAST!

The audience suddenly gasped.

Mario: You gotta be fucking kidding me. Please nooo... Not this retard...

Koops: Is that... Bowser!?

Goombella: I guess so. Holy shit. That's the 3rd Mario character I've met this week!

Bowser walked up on stage all pissed off knocking down any audience members in his way cause he's a fucking dick.

Grubba: HEY! YOU'RE NOT A REGISTERED FIGHTER! GET OUT OF HERE!

Bowser: STAY OUT THIS LARD PUSS! THIS IS BETWEEN ME, AND MARIO!

Audience: THAT'S MARIO!?

Mario: NO! I'M GONZALES! THIS GUY'S JUST DRUNK!

Bowser: I MAYBE DRUNK, BUT I CAN STILL TELL YOUR FUCKING MARIO!

Mario: WHAT? SO ALL ITALIAN'S LOOK ALIKE TO YOU!?

Bowser: YOU EVEN SMELL LIKE MARIO!

Mario: NO! THATS JUST YOUR ASS!

The audience started projecting a sitcom like lol track.

Goombella: I can't tell if Mario insulted Bowser, or himself...

Bowser: OH YEAH? WELL, TAKE THIS!

Bowser whipped out his Bowser dick out and started pissing on Mario's face.

Mario: OH NUH UH! NO! I'LL SHOW YOU FOR PISSING ON MY FACE!

Mario pulled down his pants and started pissing on Bowser's face. At this point, it was a pissing show down between Mario and Bowser as they were walking around each other in circles pissing on each other's faces.

Mario: THATS RIGHT BITCH! YOU LIKE THAT HUH!? YOU LIKE BEING PEED ON!?

Bowser: YOU LIKE BEING PEED ON! AT LEAST I HAVE MORE STDS THAN YOU. YOU'RE DUMBER THAN ME FOR BEING PISSED ON!

Mario: YOUR PISS IS A JOKE! MINE STILL BURNS MORE COMING FROM MY FUCKING URETHRA THAN YOUR PISS EVER WILL!

Bowser: MY PISS IS NOT A JOKE!

Mario: YEAH IT IS! SEE? WATCH THIS!

Mario opened his Mario mouth and started gargling Bowser's piss! He tauntingly drank his piss to piss Bowser off.

Mario: IT TASTES LIKE AIR HEADS!

Bowser; YEAH, SO?

Mario:WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MAKE YOUR PISS TASTE LIKE AIR HEADS YOU SICK FUCK!?

Bowser: DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT AIR HEADS!

Mario: AIR HEADS FUCKING SUCK!

Bowser: OH YOU'RE SO FULL OF SHIT! NOBODY HATES AIRHEADS!

Mario: YOURE THE 1 WHO'S FULL OF SHIT ASS MASTER!

Goombella: CAN YOU GUYS STOP HAVING A PISSING CONTEST OVER HAVING A PISSING CONTEST AND JUST FIGHT OR SOMETHING!?

Mario and Bowser: Yeah fine...

[BOWSER BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 51/75

Goombella: Power Level 40/50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Gross ass shit

Yoshi: Trolling the locker mates.

FP: 4/10

V.S.

Bowser: Power Level 113

Battle Music: Dirty Rotten by GWAR

[TURN 1]

Mario: BOWSER'S STRONGER THAN ME!? BULLSHIT!

Bowser: THIS WILL BE REVENGE FOR STEALING MY DREAM! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A FAMOUS WRESTLER AND YOU STOLE THAT AMBITION FROM ME! MY ARCH NEMESIS! OF ALL PEOPLE! THIS BEATING WILL SURELY BE PAYBACK!

Mario: YOU'RE TOO STUPID AND DRUNK TO BE A WRESTLER YOU STUPID TURTLE!

Bowser: YOU'RE A STUPID TURTLE!

Mario: YOU LOOK LIKE AN EDGY DEFORMED DIABETIC HANDICAPPED BARNEY CHARACTER THAT WAS REJECTED FROM NOT ONLY TOO MANY KIDS SHOWS, BUT BONDAGE BASEMENT PARTIES AS WELL! WHY DON'T YOU LEARN HOW TO CLOSE YOUR MOUTH ALL THE WAY SHUT FOR 1CE YOU FUCKING RETARD!

Bowser: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME BITCH!?

Mario: Whatever. Goombella! Do your tattle thing.

Goombella: Holy shit! I'm doing a tattle on Bowser! I never thought i'd see the day.

Goombella uses tattle on Bowser: This is- Wait. What am I saying? Do you really need me to tattle who BOWSER is of all things? Of all the fucking enemies of yours!? Like, BOWSER, OF ALL PEOPLE!?

Mario: You really think I don't know who the hell my arch nemesis of 19 fucking years is!? I thought you were mostly doing these tattles for yourself?

Goombella: MY SASSINESS IS PART OF IT! NOW SHUT UP!

Goombella: So yeah, basically, he has a defense of 1, and look out for his attacks. In Paper Mario games, he can somehow disable parts of your moveset by attacking you. I guess that's the only unique thing you really need to know for this battle.

Mario: Good enough for me!

Mario uses charge to boost his power level up to 68/100

Bowser: PREPARE TO GET MURDALIZED!

Mario: Stop making up words asshat!

Bowser: SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!

Bowser jumped on Goombella disabling her from activating her move set. Not only that, be she got caught inside Bowser's ass: [3 Damage]

[TURN 2]

Bowser: OOPS! I MEANT TO GO FOR MARIO! Hey! WHERE DID THAT PARTNER OF YOURS GO!?

Goombella: GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Bowser: AHHH! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT BEFORE EVERY1 THINKS I'M GAY!

Bowser started running around with Goombella unfortunately lodged up his rectom!

Goombella: HELP ME MARIO!

Mario: ...Fuck sakes. HANG ON!

Mario ran to Goombella who was inside Bowser's rectom.

Bowser: Aww… Sorry about this Mario. I kind of feel like a dick right now.

Mario: Yeah. You are a dick! Now shut up and bend over so I can pull Goombella out of your ass.

Bowser: Alright Mario. Lets do this!

Bowser turned around and bent over for Mario to operate on Bowser's anal region.

Bowser: Okay. So on a count of 3.

Mario: Got it!

Bowser: 1, 2, 3!

Bowser tried staying bent over perfectly still so Mario can pull Goombella out of his anal cavity. It was a struggle for a few minutes, but the operation was eventually successful. This success led to a hose of diarrhea being shot out of Bowser's anal region covering Goombella and Mario in Bowser's fecal shit. She shivered in fear and trauma due to this horrifying experience.

Goombella: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! I WAS IN BOWSER'S ASS! GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSS! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!11

Bowser: *panting* My ass... feels sooooooooooooooo much better now... Thanks Mario.

The chocolate frosted Goombella continued to complain.

Goombella: EWW! WHAT THE FUCK! NO! FUCK THIS! FUCK THIS! IM DONE! IM GOING BACK TO THE LOCKER ROOM! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Mario: Oh you are so full of shit! Literally!

Goombella: LEAVE ME ALONE!

Koops: Wowzers! Now that's a game of Bowser's Inside Story I would never wanna play!

Goombella: NOT! FUNN- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Goombella angrily walked back to her locker room forfeiting on her own end puking every couple seconds occasionally projectiling her vomit at the audience due to the emotional scarring of all 5 of her senses. When she stomped on the floor, you heard a wet squishy sound, from the shit.

Mario: God damnit Goombella. Koops! Your on!

Koops: Oh boy! I get to fight Bowser with you!?

Mario: Yeah yeah... Don't wear it out.

Bowser: SWEET! NOW IT'S MY TURN NOW!

Mario: That's bullshit! I never even got my turn.

Bowser: NO ITS NOT NO ITS NOT! YOU SPENT YOUR TURN PULLING THAT GOOMBA BITCH OUT OF MY ASSHOLE, AND SHE SWITCHED WITH YOUR PUSSY KOOPA FRIEND! SO NOW IT'S MY TURN! NANANANAAAANA!

Koops: Shucks.

Bowser used fire breathing action blast on Mario and Koops: [3 Damage ALL]

[TURN 3]

Mario: I got an idea! Koops! Give me some Power Hawaiian Punch!

Koops: But Gosh! Doesn't that junk have like, steroids in it!?

Mario: They don't know that! We bought it from the drug shop next to the fucking Dojo! So i'm pretty sure it's legal.

Koops: Well, alright!

Koops spent his turn feeding Mario some Power Hawaiian Punch boosting his power level to 70/125

Mario does the exact same on himself now boosting his power level to 84/150!

Koops: You're going down Bowser! Down liek a clown Charlie Brown! Hehe.

Bowser: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Bowser royally bitch smacked Koops in the face disabling his move set as well: [2 Damage]

Bowser: BOW TO ME KOOPA!

Koops: OH MY SHOOTING STARS THAT HURT!

[TURN 4]

With Mario's ridiculously charged up energy, he uses Power Bounce on Bowser doing by far, the most damage Mario's ever done to any1 in this story so far: [28 DAYAMNAGE!]

Bowser: OWW MY FUCKING HEAD!

I forget if in the game it hurts Mario to jump on Bowser or not with his horns at all. So, im just gonna say that Mario can dodge his horns and just hit his mohawk area CAUSE THAT MAKES MORE SENSE ANYWAY!

Mario: Yes! He almost done ded! Koops! Nows your chance to be the hero who beats Bowser!

Koops: I LOVE YOU MARIO!

Koops uses-

Koops: Wait... hold on.

Koops uses-

Koops: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HE DISABLED ME! I WAS SOO CLOSE TO BEING A STAR!

Bowser: GWARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHAAAAAAAAAAAR! WITNESS ANOTHER DOSAGE OF PURE FIRE!

As Bowser prepared to charge his ultra powerful fire blast, Mario and Koops had to think of a plan. And quick!

Koops: OH SHUCKS! What do we do now Mario!?

Mario: Hmmm... 1 sec!

Mario remembered he had the bottle of Bandy Andy's Wild Turkey he stole from his locker room some time ago.

Mario: EAT THIS!

As Bowser was about to blast the 2 heroes, Mario at just the right moment, chucked the bottle of Wild Turkey Whiskey in his mouth. Jokes on him. Cause whiskey is pretty damn flammable if you know how that shit works.

Bowser: ... WHAT THE?

So yeah. Bowser just kind of exploded due to his weakness of handling whiskey with his literally fiery stomach. 100 chunks of the exploded Bowser flew everywhere in the Glory Hole.

Mario Leveled up to Level 10 Boosting his BP up to 18!

[END OF THE BOWSER BATTLE]

Koops: YAY! WE KILLED BOWSER! TALK ABOUT A VICTORY HUH!?

Bowser: I'M NOT DED!

Bowser suddenly appeared out of no where despite being blown to bits.

Bowser: I'm a fucking immortal. I don't die.

Koops: Ah geez really?

Mario: He's right Koops. Do you know how many fucking times this asshole has drowned in lava, fallen to his deth, exploded, or even turn into a key or star that gives me hat wings?

Bowser: Yeah! Like every game I've been in! Welp... I guess I lost. Grrr... It means that you beat me fair and square. Say, do you know where Peach is?

Mario: I have no idea. I actually joined these leagues to find the dedly stars to find her cause I think they're both linked some how.

Bowser: No way! SAMEZEEZ! Any chance you have any room for a new partner to join your party? Since we both wanna rape Peach and all,

Mario: No thanks. I like my parties small. Besides. Fuck you.

Bowser: ALRIGHT FINE! FUCK YOU TOO! Next time we fight, I'M KICKING YOUR ASS AND I'M GONNA TAKE ALL OF YOUR STARS! I GOTTA RETURN TO MY SIDE STORY ANYWAY! TILL THEN, I'LL SEE YA LATER LOOOOOOOOOOOSERS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Bowser pulled out a random knife to slit his throat knowing he will respawn somewhere no1 gives a fuck about right now.

Grubba: Well then! GONZALES SURE KNOWS HOW TO AMBUSH THE AMBUSHERS AM I RIGHT!? SO YEAH! GONZALES WINS AGAIN!

Audience: GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES!

Koops: Wow Mario. We sure was exciting huh? I can't believe I got smacked by the King of my own Species! Pretty cool huh?

Mario: Just shut up Koops. My commercial's starting!

[COMMERCIAL MODE]

HEY! WANNA GET LAID LIKE A GREASY ITALIAN BASTARD!? TRY HUSTLING DOWN TO DICKHEAD'S SPORTING GOODS AND BUY A CAN OF GREAT GONZALES BODY SPRAY! WITH THIS TIGHT TUBE, YOU CAN SMELL JUST LIKE THE GREAT GONZALES GETTING YOU 1000+ SLEAZY HOOKERS A MINUTE! CHICKS DIG IT WHEN YOU CAN SMELL LIKE SHIT WHILE YOU BEAT UP THOSE HOBOS ASKING YOU FOR A FUCKING BALLOON IN A GARBAGE ALLEY!

Mario: Hey retards. I'm The Great Gonzales. And if you wanna smell like a piece of shit like me, then try spraying some Gonzales body spray on your face. Spray it on your shitty body. Smell like depression and cat piss while you rob a bank or while you're fucking your autistic cousin on a family get together road trip. You can smell like you finger ded chickens in a pet semetary. …. Fuck. Why am I even doing this retarded commercial? It's making me wanna kill myself. Look, don't buy into this product shit. If you do, you might as well kill yourself too. I'm out. I'm gonna go get high. Peace.

A CAN OF GREAT GONZALES BODY SPRAY? MORE LIKE, A WHOLE NEW CAN OF MURDER-FUCK! GREAT GONZALES BODY SPRAY! BUY SOME NOW!

[END OF COMMERCIAL]

Mario: Damn! I look good don't I?

Koops: Uhh…. You look about the same I guess.

Chapture 4 - 17: The Deeper Depths of the Glory Hole.

Back to the locker room.

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 5.

Jolene handed Mario 13 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be getting back to work now.

Flurrie was seen licking the Bowser shit off of Goombella.

Goombella: I can't believe this is what I have to resort to to clean myself up...

Flurrie: You'll always be a dirty girl to me hunny.

Goombella: Just shut up and keep licking.

Koopinator: How dare you say I'm not swag you filthy Yoshi!

Yoshi: All im saying is that your ass looks way too shiny. Its makin' me feel all uncomfortable.

Koopinator: YOU RUDE FOUL MOUTHED TWERP! GIVE ME 1 REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T KICK YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW!?

Yoshi: Look, the truth is, is that your armor makes you look gay! Gay like a gay nigga!

Koopinator: It's not armor! Im a fucking robot!

Yoshi: You don't sound like a robot! You know what you sound like man?

Koopinator: WHat!? What do I sound like?

Yoshi: A bitch! A gay ass bitch nigga!

Koopinator: OH YEAH? WELL YOU'RE A GAY ASS BITCH NIGGA!

Yoshi: Yeah yeah... get away from me before you rape my ass you pedophile lookin motha fucka.

Yoshi: Ay Gonzales! How dat battle go?

Goombella: You guys didn't get shat on too right!?

Mario: Well yeah, but I just gave Bowser some whiskey and he exploded.

Goombella: Holy Shit! You killed Bowser!?

Mario: Well if you know anything from my Mario games, you'd know that Bowser regenerates. I know, it's dumb. But luckily he just kind of fucked off and that was the end of it. I did do him 28 damage in 1 move though. That was pretty cool.

Koops: Yeah! And then he leveled up his BP!

Mario: I know. I was there Koops.

Koops: Well im just telling these pals over here!

Goombella: Hmm... Say. You found a badge some time earlier today that can boost our attack/ power level. Why don't you put it on?

Mario: Nah. I have a rule of not letting partners have a bigger power level than mine.

Koops: Wasn't there a time where you and me had the same power level?

Mario: Thats different. I can handle partners matching power levels cause I know I can still win, but it's the principle. Im the fucking leader. Im fucking Mario. I can't have a 2nd place power level against any of you.

Yoshi: What about if we all ganged up on you? Could you still kick our asses.

Mario: Yes. I'm not worried about you 4 being over powered. Bowser had a bigger power level than me and I still individually kicked his ass just now. I just have an issue with seeing 1 of you guys with higher stats than me. After all, power levels are bullshit.

Goombella: But you just contradicted your entire arguement!

Mario: It's a status thing.

Flurrie: Well, you certainly don't need to compensate for having a small penis when it's clearly 7.85 inches. Perhaps is it your height that's holding you back.

Mario: Okay fine. I'll put it on! But on 1 condition.

Goombella: What's that?

Mario: Suck my dick.

Goombella: What!? No! Get Flurrie to do it!

Flurrie: I'll do it right now.

Mario: Do you have any idea where her mouth has been this scene? No way am I putting my dick in her mouth! You gotta do it or no power up badge!

Koops: I still kind of wonder how you putting a badge on yourself somehow powers us up.

Goombella: *Sigh* Okay fine. You win. Let's go to the bathroom and get this shit over with.

Yoshi: Damn Gonzales! You smooth!

Flurrie: Do you want a blow job Yoshi?

Yoshi: NOT FROM YOU BITCH!

Later after the innerspecies fillatio,

Goombella: Wow! That actually wasn't a bad experience!

Mario: Yeah! I always wanted head from a fucking Goomba! I guess that checks off part of my bucket list.

Goombella: Yeah! We'll have to do that again some time!

Koops: What about me?

Goombella: ... No thanks.

Koops: Ahh fiddlecakes. I'm just curious cause I've never gotten a blow job before in my life. Koopie Koo always said she has too bad of gagging reflexes. She didn't want to puke on me so she never sucked me off.

Flurrie: Oh Koops... She was lying to you hunny.

Koops: Yeah... I guess...

Goombella: So can you put that badge on already?

Mario: Sure thing.

Mario put the badge on creating a mini constellation of stars implying that the partners are powering up.

Koops: Yay! I feel stronger now.

Goombella: Yeah. I can't wait to see the stats in our next battle.

Mario: Speaking of our next battle. I say we should register for that shit now.

Yoshi: Yeeeeeiiiiiiiii boy!

Mario began reserving his next match.

Grubba: HOWDY PARTNAH! LOOKING TO CLIMB SOME MORE RANX I SEE EH? WELL LETS KEEP THAT TRAIN A COMIN! WOOO NANNAY! SO LETS JUST CUT TO THE CHASE NOW! YOU'RE UP AGAINST RANK 4! PAPA BATON NOIR! IT'S FRENCH! I KNOW! YUCK! HE'S FROM NEW ORLEANS SO IT'S COOL THOUGH SINCE HE'S AMERICAN! SO FOR THIS MATCH, DON'T USE NONE OF EM ITEMS! I WANNA SEE YOU BEAT THIS GUY DOWN WITH YOUR BARE FISTS! KILL HIM IF YOU WANT! BUT IF YOU DO, MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT! ANYHOW, SEEYA! I DO COCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE!

Call End.

Mario: I still stand by statement that this guy gets more and more retarded every day.

Securitim: SURPRISE!

Yoshi: DAYAMN that be fast nigga!

Securitim: Just wanted to surprise you all. Alright, your match be ready!

Mario: Stop talking to us like were fucking friends cause were not! Alright. Whatever. All of you come with me.

Koops: Wait seriously!?

Mario: Yeah. We have at least 5 more of these matches so why the fuck not.

All the partners: YAY!

Securitim: Alright! Lets get-

Suddently, the Securitim's arm fell off.

Securitim: Hey...

Mario: HA! NOW THATS A REAL SURPRISE ALRIGHT!

Meanwhile, in the Legion of Gloryholes,

Grubba: BROS AND HOES! WHOSE EXTATIC FER ANOTHER GLORIOUS BLATTLE IN THE GLORY HOLE!?

Audiance: WAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Grubba: I'LL TAKE THAT AS "YES!" SO WE HAVE THE HALF DEMON HALF FISHERMAN, THE DARK TERROR FROM THE SOUTH, HERE SINGLE HANDEDLY IS! PAPA BATON NOIR!

The Speakers blasted Bury me in Smoke by Down as the dark purple skinned black eyed Gus recolor named Papa Bâton Noir (Daddy Black Stick) walked up on stage looking all ominous and slow and shit. The audience all started to doing a synchronized dance known as The Shimmy. This is been a weird audience throughout this entire chapture huh?

Papa Bâton Noir (Age ?) (because he's apparently too badass for an age): Yeeeeeaaaaaa raimbak for anotha battle straight fum downtown Nnnnnnnnnahlinz! Raaaa aim bak to kill sum slahmay keisters in this here rancid blasted stage yaaah!

Grubba: I love it when he talks. AND IN THE NEXT CORNER! WE HAVE THE NEWCOMER THAT SIGNED UP TODAY AND IS SOMEHOW ALREADY HALF WAY DEEP IN THE MAJOR LEAGUES! PLEASE WELCOME THE FACE FISTER HIMSELF! THE GREEEEEEEEAT GONZALEEEEESSSS!

Face Fisted by Dethklok started blasting as Mario and his croneys walked on stage ready to fuck some ass up. Can you dig it?

Papa Bâton Noir: I see you flippity flappity jiggloodannies thinking you can ooouuuut stand the likes of the papa baton noir!? Well see this here, you have anotha thang awaiting foryuh nyaah!

Mario: Please don't tell me this is that tollway's zombie. That fucking ni-

Goombella: NO wait! I think he's speaking in some kind of Southern accept mixed with a little french. What an odd combination.

Mario: Well it sounds challenged as fuck!

Goombella: Well, his name is definately french. It sounds like it could be some kind of cheesy porn name.

Papa Bâton Noir: Nah seee,,, the ruulle challenge hrr would be lifting your fat reeear end off stage nyaa?

Yoshi: Damn! What's this nigga tryin to say?

Mario: I'm not even listening to him honestly.

Koops: At least now we get to see our new power levels!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 75

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 10/10

V.S.

Papa Bâton Noir: Power Level 80

Battle Music: New Orleans is a Dying Whore

[TURN 1]

Goombella uses tattle: This is a species known as Dark Craw. So I guess that makes that Gus guy just a Craw or something. I know what your think Mario and don't. Unlike Gus, this guy has a power level of 80, so you know he's tough. On the other hand, like you said, that shit doesn't matter. He's basically just a recolor, thats all.

Mario: So by that logic, black people are recolors of white people?

Goombella: No. Technically, all humans were originally black before they migrated to the North. So by that logic, white people are the recolors!

Mario: Don't bullshit your way out of my point.

Mario uses regular hammer smash on Gus- I mean, Papa Bâton Noir: [4 Damage]

Koops uses Shell attack for the 1st time being worth: [4 Damage]

Papa Bâton Noir: You think them attackin yuhz doin are somethin? Waittill you see mah spears from the black lagoons of the underworld it'll spit your guts flahyin splatterin all over the place.

Papa Bâton Noir stabbed Mario through the stomach making him all bloody hurting like fuck: [6 Damage]

Mario: GAAAH! MY STOMACH!

Goombella Flurrie and Yoshi: MARIO!

Koops: Are you gonna be alright!?

Mario: *panting* Yeah! BLEEEERG! I'll be alright...

Goombella: But you just got stabbed through the stomach!

Mario: I'll be fine. Remember. This universe doesn't entirely make sense, so what might normally kill some1 in the reader's dimension doesn't always kill us. You know, like anime.

Koops: Oh yeah! Hehe.

[TURN 2]

Mario uses jump. Unfortunately, he got stabbed with the spear on his foot [-1 Damage]

Mario: FUCK THAT HURT!

Goombella: Didn't you learn anything from the last Craw thing?

Mario: Shut up whore!

Koops uses shell slam on the dark craw: [4 Damage]

Papa Bâton Noir: Maaaaaaan, I can do aww kahnds of hoobladannay wit mah daddy black stick! And I aint talkin bout just mah sprr but speaking but this hrr sprr, imma use dis dang to throw it at yuhz!

Mario: What?

Papa Bâton Noir uses spear chuck *snickers* at Koops stabbing him in the bandaid area: [5 Damage]

Koops: AAAAHHHH! OF ALL PLACES FOR THAT TO HIT! MY FUCKING NOSE!

[TURN 3]

Mario uses regular metal hammer blow on the fiendish looking creature: [4 Damage]

Koops finished Papa Bâton Noir off using another shell slammer but screws up the timing a little bit: [3 Damage]

Oh wait. Nevermind. They're still 1 more hit away from winning.

Papa Bâton Noir: Hehe yeeeeeei you thoughdat dance wou bee enouf to finish mah ass off and it turns out hrrr now that you got all dat wrong cause I ain't don here done yet!

Mario: The fuck's this guy gloating about?

Papa Boton Noir used spear charge in which Mario countered by grabbing the spear and turned the spear around and slashed through his eyes blinding the New Orleans Saint.: [-1 Damage]

Papa Bâton Noir: Yeeeeei looks like you made me all blind as a bat nah and nah I can't see a lickity split of a thang around deez parts!

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: AND WINNER IS AS ALWAYS AT THIS POINT, THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZALES!

Yoshi: Dawyamn! His ass got blinded and shit!

Mario: TAKE THAT BITCH! NOW YOU HAVE TO RENT A SEEING EYE DOG FOR FIGHTS FROM NOW ON!

Flurrie: This is great, cause I have a blind people fetish as well. Something about not seeing makes me all quivery in my region.

Black to the locker room,

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 4.

Jolene handed Mario 14 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me. I must be going.

Jolene left the room in her same generic way she has been leaving as of late.

Yoshi: Is it me, or is that walk of hers getting more and more lame?

Goombella: She seems to have a really weird generic way of leaving the room. Kind of creepy if you ask me.

Mario: Who gives a shit. Lets just reserve another match already. The blood thirst doesn't hydrate itself!

Suddenly Mario's annoying message notification sound started blasting in the same irritating tone.

Koops: Ummm... Mario? Your pocket's talking! Mail Time!

Mario: ...

Mario: smacked Koops in the face.

Koops: Hey!

Mario: What did I tell you about not being annoying?

Koops: Don't... Be annoying?

Mario: Yes.

Mario smacked Koops again.

Koops: Oww! Dic-! ... Uhh... Nevermind...

Mario: Read!

Koops: Alright alright.

Goombella: ILL DO IT!

aNoNyMoUs: 60 70 7#3 7313|2#0/\/3 8007# 0|_|7 0/\/ 7#3 |24\/!1!0/\/. 83 7#3|?3 4/\/|) 83 5(,)|_|4|?3

Goombella: Fuck. It's taking me too long to figure out. Koops!

Koops: Got it!

Koops: It sais to go to the telephone booth out on the pavilion. Be there and be square. I don't like what they did with the Q.

Mario: Alright! Then we'll just go to the phone booth already!

Just as they entered the door, Rawk Hawk was seen waiting out of the door so he can stalk him. Sadly, he was successful.

Rawk Hawk: WELL WELL WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE SO CALLED SUPER HETERO SEXUAL GREAT GONZALES!

Yoshi: Oh shit! Not this Cawk Hawk nigga.

Mario: Fuck off Conary. We got important shit to do.

Rawk Hawk: NOW NOW! YOU'RE GONNA HEAR ME OUT! GREAT GONZALES! MORE LIKE, GAY GONZALES! HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR STEALING MY BODY SPRAY COMMERCIALS WHERE THEY PUT RAWK HAWK LABELS OVER AXE BODY SPRAY!

Goombella: What's your IQ? Seriously? Wait. Don't tell me. Let me hold up my fingers and see if i'm right on my 1st try.

Koops: But you don't have any fingers.

Goombella: Exactly!

Rawk Hawk: HEY! I'M NOT A FUCKING Q! IF YOU'RE TRYING TO CALL ME QUEER! ANYWAY,GONZALES YOU LARD ASS SON OF A BITCH! LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! STOP STEALING MY SPOT LIGHT! I WORKED REALLY HARD TO BE CHAMPION AND NOT SO YOU CAN CUM ALL OVER MY GLORIOUS BEAUTIFUL TITLE! KEEP IT UP, AND I PROMISE! YOU'LL BE IN FOR A WORLD OF HURT BUDDY!

Mario: I thought that was the plan already for when I make it to the championship in about an hour or so.

Rawk Hawk: YEAH, BUT ALL IM SAYING IS THAT NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU AND I WON'T MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT ON STAGE! CAUSE I'M GONNA DO WHAT YOU DID TO THE ARMORED SODOMIZERS AND TELL EVERY1 YOUR GAY!

Flurrie: That will never work you invisible penise'd so called Cawk! If you do that, I will personally rape Gonzales on stage to prove that he's straight! And then we'll say that you're gay!

Rawk Hawk: ... DAMN! WHY DID I SAY MY PLAN OUT LOUD!? NOW I NEED TO THINK OF A NEW BETTER 1! UUHHH... ANYWAY, YOU'RE TOTALLY DED MEAT! DEDDER THAN MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE!

Mario: Why you gotta involve him into your shit?

Rawk Hawk: CAUSE I CAN! OH! AND BY THE WAY! IF YOU GOT THAT SPOOKY EMAIL I DIDN'T SEND, I JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOW THAT IT TOTALLY WASN'T ME WHO SENT THAT! CAUSE READING AND WRITING TURNS PEOPLE GAY! HAR HAR HAR! ANYWAY, RAWK HAWK, OUT!

Mario: Aaaaaaand just like that, you are now the most hated character among the "readers" and "writers" of this website. Bravo!

Later as Mario and his embarrassing friends walked outside to find the telephone booth,

Mario: If THIS turns out to be an explosive call, im gonna laugh.

Goombella: How? Wed all be ded!

Mario: Well, im Mario. And Mario always lives!

Flurrie: So are we gonna have to make to a few sexy phone calls or something?

Goombella: Maybe we don't have to. Look! There's the phone booth. And there seems to be a red key that looks like it was just here waiting for us.

Koops grabbed the key noticing it was just covered in blood.

Koops: Eww... Is that blood?

Flurrie: Lemme see...

Flurrie started smelling, licking, and enjoying the taste of the the bloody key a little too much.

Goombella: Why would you lick that!?

Flurrie: Mmmmm... Just what I thought. Period blood. Delish. But I can't pinpoint whos it is...

Yoshi: EEWWWW! Why that key need to be covered in that shit?

Mario: Probably cause this stalker knows that we're the only people crazy enough to touch something bloody on the ground.

Flurrie: And taste it!

Mario: And that! Alright. This quest is getting more and more complicated and stupid. I think i'm gonna jump off Glitzville now. Seeya.

Mario suddenly got another notification out of the blue.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! Can some1 read it?

Koops: Sure thing!

aNoNyMoUs: 60 70 7#3 53(|?37 |?00/\/\.

Goombella: I think I can do this 1! Lets see…. It sais… Go lo lhe sed? et I? Oom… Now wait… Let me re-rea-

Koops: It said Go to the secret room!

Goombella: DAMNIT KOOPS! I WAS SO CLOSE!

Flurrie: A secret room? I'm liking the sound of that.

Koops: Yeah... How do you think we get there?

Goombella: Wait. There's more...

aNoNyMoUs: 60 70 7#3 53(|?37 |?00/\/\ /\/3}{7 70 6|?|_|884'5 0|=|=!(3.

Goombella: Go to the secret room… Lets see… Rs are |?... so …. Go to the secret room … neht to grubba's office! I did it!

Koops: I think you meant "next to Grubba's office." The Xs are kind of weird.

Goombella: STOP CORRECTING ME! But yeah. I wonder if thats where the Greed Star is located!

Mario: Its not. That would be way too fucking easy. Like seriously? What are we retarded or something? Wait. Don't answer that.

Yoshi: You saying we shouldn't go there incase that like a trap or something? Or do we get some guns and be prepared to cap some ass?

Mario: The only thing we need to cap some ass with, are my Mario fists! Now lets go-

Mario: Hold on a second! I just got a funny idea. Before we go, im just gonna make a little quick prank call.

Goombella: To who?

Mario started pressing a bunch of buttons to call some ridiculous character.

Frankly: Hello? Who is this?

Mario poorly disguised his voice as a prostitute from the Czech Republic to fool Frankly.

Mario: Hi. *Clears throat* I don't think you remember me, it's Iva. You had me delivered at your house for an evening last Christmas.

Frankly: What in Spaztic Spaghetti Monsters are you talking about!? I don't remember sleeping with any1 from the Czech Republic. I don't even celebrate christmas! But I suppose if i'm drunk enough, I would. Go on?

Mario: Well... you see... this is *clears throat* difficult to tell you, but... i'm pregnant. And you're the father.

Frankly: ... Excuse me?

Mario: You're the father of my child. I'm about 5 months preggos and the baby in the ultrasound appeared to be half Goomba!

Frankly: How in science is this possible!?

Mario: Uhhh... I keep semen samples as DNA and it happened to match with yours. Plus, its pretty obvious that my pre determined low functioning autistic baby is already a goomba human hybrid fetus.

Frankly: My! But that's absurd! Low functioning autism!? No way in Gilligan's Island am I going to raise a fucking retard baby! Even if it is mine!

Mario: Well then... at least *sniff* Now I know who kind of person… *sniff* ... you really are you heartless monster.

Koops: He's good.

Frankly: Hey! Come on! Baby! I didn't mean it.

Mario: WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU?! You don't care about us 1 bit!

Frankly: Oh! Well…. yes I do! Oh baby baby, I'm sorry. Im just under alot of stress with this 7 Dedly Star business i've been working on with my crew! Why... of course I wanna raise a child with you. Even if he is a fucking retard!

Mario: So does this mean you... *Sniff* You promise?

Frankly: I promise.

Mario: Oh hunny! I love you!

Frankly: I love you too!

Mario: *sniff sniff* Say... Are you feeling... kind of... I don't know, randly? You wanna fool around over the phone?

Frankly: What ever do you mean baby?

Mario: You know...

Mario started girl moaning over the phone arousing Frankly.

Frankly: Mmmmm... Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Mario: Yeah. Give me your body.

Frankly: I'll give you my fucking balls sexy! Over the fucking phone!

Frankly started having smexy phone sex with Mario pretending to moan like a hooker.

Mario: Yeah huh? Uhhh uuuuhhhh give it miiiiiii! GIVE IT TO ME YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

Frankly: Uuuuhhh uh uh uh Oh yeah. Mmmmm Yeah bet you like that doncha? I bet you like getting stabbed by Frankly's Frank!

Mario: I do baby I do! And you know what else?

Frankly: Wha... WHat? What it is bitch? Uhhh!

Mario: ITS-A ME! MARIO! BITCH!

Frankly: WHAT IN THE FLOPPING FUCK!?

Mario: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! A GOT YOU BITCH! IM NOT REALLY A CZECH PROSTITUTE! IM FUCKING MARIO! AND YOU JUST HAD PHONE SEX WITH A FUCKING DUDE!

Frankly: WHAT!? SON OF A BITCH! YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL! I'M GOING TO SLIT YOUR THROAT, PULL OUT YOUR ESOPHAGUS, AND MAKE JAZZ TUNES OUT OF YOUR ORGANS YOU BLASTED CUNT INFECTED SUCKING INVALID! I WILL DESTROY YOU! I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO MASTERBATE TO MYSELF IN THE MIRROR FOR A LONG TIME WITH THIS SHAME UNDER MY BELT! YOU RUINED ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Mario got bored and hung up the phone on Frankly in mid deth threat mode.

Mario: That was pretty funny.

Goombella: Wait! Hold on! How in the WORLD, did you know Professor Frankly's phone number?

Mario: I didn't. I fucking typed random shit and got it right the 1st time.

Yoshi: Sheeeeiiiiiit! I wanna try that 1 day!

Goombella: You do realize Mario is a border line Deus Ex Machina right? Your luck compared to his is microscopic!

Koops: Deus Ex Machinima? Whats that!?

Goombella: *sigh* A Deus Ex Machina is an unexpected power or even saving a seemingly hopeless situation, especially as a contrived plot device in a play or novel. And no. I totally did not just pull that off my phone just now. So you totally can't sue me for plagiarism!

Mario: Good to know. Let's get going idiots!

Koops: Say, what if these aNoNyMoUs guys are like, ghosts or something?

Goombella: I doubt it.

Koops: Really? Cause they seem to be stalking us. And we can't see them. Maybe it's those Shadow girls! Holy cow right!?

Goombella: ... If I had hands, I would smack you silly.

Koops: But I like being silly!

The bizarre gang of 5 walked down the hallways despite the Securitims not escorting them around. Maybe they were busy sitting on eachother's dicks creating a man-tower or something gay like that. So... yeah.

Koops: Watch me rule the night away! Watch me save the day! Feel my storm is getting close! Heading your way! Sonic Heroooooooooooes! Sonic Herooooooooooooes!

Yoshi: Stop singin dat song!

Koops: Bind you confine you defying your reign! Sonic Heroooooooooooes! Sonic Heroooooooooooes!

Yoshi: KOOPS! Stop singin dat shit you stupid ass bitch ass!

Koops: Sorry Yoshi. That song just gets stuck in my head sometimes.

Yoshi: Look at me. Look at me right now nigga. Do I look like a give a shit?

Koops: Wait, do you?

Yoshi: ... GUYS! IM THINKING ABOUT PICKING UP SMOKING!

Goombella: Yoshi! Shut up!

Yoshi: You shut up bitch! Don't tell me to shut up or I'll fuck you in the ass bitch!

Goombella: We don't wanna be loud and alert the Securitims. It's a miracle that they aren't on our asses right now!

Mario: Well, what are they gonna do? Hit us?

Flurrie: I hope so.

Mario: Well it doesn't matter. CAUSE WERE HERE MOTHER FUCKERS!

Yoshi: HEELLL YEAH!

Goombella: Oh hey! I never noticed there was a door here with a lock until now!

Flurrie was busy picking her nose.

Koops: Yeah! I had a feeling it was gonna be used for something!

Mario: Right. Hopefully when we open this door, we won't run into any1 annoying we know. That's 1 of the worst feelings I know.

Mario soon got his hands bloody from the period blood painted key and unlocked the secret storage room. SUDDENLY,,,

Ms. Mowz: Mmmmm hmm hmm hmm! Long time no see yet again my Delightful Delamere's!

Yoshi: ... Who dat?

Goombella: OH COME ON! I swear! If I see this whoreslutwhore 1 more time, i'm gonna personally generate arms and strangle myself!

Koops: Hwow! How have you been Ms. Mousey? Have you been stealing some neat shit lately?

Ms. Mowz: Maaaaaaaaaybe. I guess i'm just here to get my rocks off you know? And by rocks, heh. I mean my badges.

Goombella: Wow... You just went an entire line without making a dumb cheesy cheese joke. Impressive!

Koops: Hey! Say something with Goat Cheese? Or better yet, Dog Cheese! Hehe that would be funny. Right fellaz? Hehe… Dog Cheese.

Awkward Silence.

Koops: Uhhhhh... Hehe... I said, Dog Chee-

Mario: Yeah yeah! We heard you the 1st time. So what? Are you here to suck my dick again?

Goombella: That never- Oh wait... shit. Yeah it did. I try not to think about too much. *sigh*

Ms. Mowz: I just told you my Tenderous Tango. Im here for some badge hunting. But hey! It seems like everywhere I've been this past week, we've been running into each other. This must have been the 4th time!

Koops: Its the 3rd!

Ms. Mows: Oh whoopsies hehe. That's right you fabulous batches of fandu. Speaking of fandu, how bout I partake in a little something something under your pants if you know what I mean. Hehe.

Mario: If you want my stars, you've got another thing coming you pre-roadkill bitch!

Ms. Mowz: Oh... So now were talking dirty Mr. Mascarpone... Come here and give some Seator Orkney styled Sex! And keep talking dirty to me! I like it...

Mario: You bet! I'll fuck you right in the mouse hole!

Goombella: You what?

Flurrie: I'm jealous...

In a spontaneous hied of the moment, Mario and Ms. Mowz started having sex right on 1 of the big grey metal boxes of nothing.

Goombella: NOT AGAIN! BLEEERG!

Koops: YOU LUCKY DOG MARIO! I'M WANT SOME OF THAT TOO! BLEEEERG!

Yoshi: I'M TOO YOUNG TO SEE THIS SHIT! BLEEEEEERG!

Flurrie: ...

Flurrie stuck her finger down her throat so she can intentionally BLEEEEEEEEERG with the rest of the party mates.

Ms. Mowz: Mmmm…. Yeah baby! Stick that big hunk of swiss inside me you gross fat smelly barbarian! Mmmmm YEAH! And keep talking dirty to me! Take me like a Fat Bottom Girl!

Mario: Mmmmm... Oh yeah... You want some of that shit? I'll give you some. You look like a filthy deranged beastiality lover's wet dream! The kind of beastiality lover who designed you based off a thought he had while secretly jacking off to Mickey Mouse cartoons with the volume all the way down! If there's anything that your life if worth, it's for scientists can use you for lab testing!

Ms. Mowz: Oh hell no! Fuck this! Were done.

Mario: What?

Ms. Mowz pulled the dick out of her pussy a millisecond away from him cumming inside of her.

Mario: OH CUM ON!? What the fuck you stupid bitch!? Why did you do that!?

Ms. Mowz: CAUSE! THAT LAST COMMENT WAS JUST DOWN RIGHT MEAN!

Mario: YOU said to talk dirty! So I did! Whore!

Ms. Mowz: There's a difference between talking dirty, and a "You look like a" comment. No 1 deserves that!

Mario: That's why it's funny!

Ms. Mowz: Whatever. I think i'm gonna go. I doubt any of you really like me anyway...

Goombella: No we don't.

Flurrie: Your cute, but no.

Koops: Uhh...

Yoshi: Fuck yo ass bitch!

Ms. Mowz: Thought so. *Sigh* Anyway, just be careful around these Glitzville parts. There's alot of disturbing secrets here none of you are gonna like. The 1 thing you shouldn't expect to find is an actual glory hole. The name of this arena here is very misleading.

Goombella: So that means that you would know where the next star is located then.

Ms. Mowz: Not a clue. Anyhow. Tata my Fiery Rebels!

Since there was no window for Ms. Mowz to dangerously jump off this time, she left by exiting through the door like a regular person.

Koops: Holy Tubular Toothpaste! She's so hawt. If only I wasn't such a fucking twat!

Yoshi: Nah man. You just got issues! Like, you must be gay or something.

Koops: I have a girlfriend!

Yoshi: You still gay!

Koops: ...

Mario: You guys just wanna go upstairs already and find some of those "hidden secrets?"

Mario suddenly got another email.

Mario: Goombella. Read.

Goombella: Okay.

aNoNyMoUs: 60 |_||?574!|?5 !/\/70 7#3 477!(.

Goombella: It says... to go upstairs into the attic. OH! IN YOUR FACE KOOPS!

Mario: We were just going to do that anyway.

Goombella: Aww man...

Koops: I still think this person is a spooky ghost!

Goombella: He or she probably just had good timing. Who knows.

After a few tedious obstacles involving flipping Super Mario World looking switches to get to the attic and finding the Charge P badge, they made it to the attic! Yay! But wait! Surprise surprise!

Koops: Holy shit! Look at all of these Securitims! What do you think they're doing in these septic tanks?

Goombella: Eww… I think those are clones of the security team! This is sooooo wiiiierdd...

Just so you readers know. They are indeed inside a cloning room with hallways of Securitims in glass tanks with some sci fi cloning liquid. And yes. They were all naked cause you know, its CLONING! Also, their suits and sunglasses apparently are part of their skin which is also creepy as fuck.

Mario: Hmm… So that's why there are so many of these stupid looking clones. Huh. Why couldn't they clone some1 hot instead?

Flurrie: LIKE ME!

Mario: Nevermind.

Yoshi: Should we let them free or some shit?

Goombella: Uhh…. I think it's best not to interfere. We almost got in trouble way too many times already. I'm nervous enough just being in this room as it is.

Mario: Yeah. Lets get out of here. I can't stand seeing a bunch of overgrown blue fetuses staring at me. Flurrie! Stop licking the glass!

Flurrie: I get soooo turned on by cloning labs.

Mario: of course you do- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHh!

Mario and the rest of them carelessly fell down a hole in the ground along with Flurrie following them for the sake of whatever. They landed in a vertically narrow vent like room with voices coming from the floor.

Mario landed 1st with Goombella, then Yoshi, then Koops, and finally, Flurrie landed on eachother.

Mario: I definitely did not land that right.

Yoshi: GETCHO ASSES OFF OF ME!

Koops: Guys. I feel something like, humping me.

Goombella: GOD DAMNIT FLURRIE! STOP IT!

Flurrie: Sorry. Force of habit.

As soon as they all got off of each other, they heard some noise through a tiny hole in the floor.

Yoshi: Wait! Y'all hear dat shit? Maybe if we eavesdrop on them asses, we can find out where dat star is!

Goombella: We... should probably get in for a closer listen. And let's keep on our toes. We don't wanna alert them you know.

All of the non hovering characters walked as carefully on their toes as they overheard the secret conversation between Jolene and Grubba through the floor. Jolene was laying on the table while Grubba had his hand down her pants totally not so she won't get fired or nothing...

Grubba: So Jolene, how are them new batches of Securitim's coming along?

Jolene: They're almost done. We need to start investing in a way to keep them from destabilizing so quickly. That's the 3rd time this month.

Grubba: No Kidding. We don't want the rest of the fighters freaking out like a pack of headless chickens over this. So when do you think the clones will be ready?

Jolene: Mind if I go check now? I … kind of wanna leave.

Grubba: Whoa whoa whoa I say. Just give me like, 5 more minutes.

Jolene: But you said that last time...

Grubba: Blah blah blah. Quit your crying. This is business we're doing eh. 1 more thing. How has seeking out more new fighters been coming along? Most of them that Gonzales faught are either ded, or gonna be in the hospital for a while.

Jolene: It's coming along... decently. We haven't had any1 else enter since Sir Swoop. You sitting on him didn't make my job any easier you know. It's hard to get alot of people the wanna fight in 1 day. Plus, they might actually be too scared to wanna even attempt to compete with the mix of intense fighters such as Rawk Hawk and Gonzales. I can't say I blame them though. But the good news is, is that with Rawk Hawk being champion plus Gonzales reaching rank 4 in 1 day so far, our income has increased 12fold. So we should be able to afford better cloning tanks to keep our Securitim team fresher and more stable.

Grubba: Eeeexcelent. We may have lost alot of fighters today, but we got some stars kicking ass and making up for it. That's better than having 20 mediocre fighters in my book.

Jolene: I guess your right. We'll have more fans because of that. We'll probably receive a stronger turnout of fighters by tomorrow anyway. Thats how these things seem to work around here.

Grubba: Yeseri!

Jolene: So can I get going? I must get going back to work.

Grubba: K fine.

Jolene got Grubba's sand papery hand out of her crotch and she got off the desk to leave.

Grubba: WAIT!

Grubba grabbed 1 of Jolene's buttcheeks tightly.

Grubba: 1 MORE THANG! How familiar are you with the 7 Dedly Star?

Jolene: !

Jolene: N-No. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Grubba: Hmm... Well... If I didn't know any better, i'd say you were lying. But, women are too stupid to lie, so you're in the clear. Alright, run along now.

Grubba slapped Jolene in an inappropriate place.

Jolene shakingly left without saying goodbye. Maybe it has to do with Grubba's inappropriate work behavior. Who knows.

Grubba: Man... hehe. Im gonna rape her 1 of these days. Maybe tomorrow.

Meanwhile above the ceiling,

Yoshi: Holy shit man! I bet 1 of them knows about the dedly star and shit!

Mario: Yes. I'm aware. We've been talking about this bullshit all day.

Goombella: Well duh! We kind of have to! It's kind of the whole point of our entire adventure!

Grubba suddenly heard the voices of the undercover Team M.

Grubba: Hey! Wait a second! What's going on up there?

Koops: Oh shit guys! What are we gonna do!? He knows people are up here!?

Mario: I don't know. Think of something.

Koops: I have no idea. Stop yelling at me!

Mario: I'm not. You're just freaking out right now!

Goombella: Will you guys knock it off and think of something!?

Flurrie: I'm so scared you guys!

Flurrie Farted really loudly.

Goombella: God damnit Flurrie.

Grubba: Whoa nelly! It's just a tootin' dung beetle! Hello little cute guy! You lost or something? As soon as we regenerate some more Securitims, we're gonna bug proof this city big time. Man I've been so on edge lately. I think I need a drink.

Mario: Phew. Well that was close. Lets get out of here so we can reserve our next match already.

Yoshi: Man! Don't tell me that be the 1st thang yo ass be thinkin about after this mess!

Mario: Yes. Incase you haven't noticed. I have a sheer disregard for most things. That's how I keep such a clear head under pressure.

Koops: Don't you like, freak out all the time?

Mario: I'm gonna fork stab you in the lazy eye if you give me shit again. Now let's go.

Team M busted through the vent safe and sound and made it back to their locker room.

Koops: Whoopti doo! We made it!

Goombella: Was that sarcasm?

Koops: No. Im just expressing myself.

Goombella: Oh ok.

Yoshi: So what was the point of all that shit?

Flurrie: What ever do you mean my Yiffing Yoshi?

Yoshi: Like, what did we have to gain from that shit? The Anonymous bitch be all like, "Go to the Phone booth" then, "Go to the Storage Room", then "Go to the Attic". I don't get it. What's this bitch expecting us to gain from dat shit?

Koops: Gosh... I don't know.

Yoshi: I'm just saying nigga. I thought maybe we were gonna get the star or some shit, but that was just a bunch of useless bullshit. I don't get it. I think imma need to smack a bitch if I don't find out some answers!

Mario: Who knows. Let's just reserve our lame match already.

Reserving the next match began to commence with the usual Mario pressing the touchpad shit. 1 of the only things his ass knows how to operate.

Grubba: Howdy Gonzales... How's it *burp* Tootin? Sorry. I just drank 2 gallons of Jim Beam. Sooooo... OH YEAH! You're fixin' for a fight eh? Well... I bet I CAN KICK YOUR ASS! Oh wait. RIght. HAHAHAHA... You want a fight with 1 of the... who ever's next. Wait... OH YEAH! You're up against rank... wait... don't *burp* tell me. You're up rank against... uhhhhh... 7! No... 2! Damnit! Close... Hold on a second...JOLENE! JOLENE! Hold on a second. Shes coming. *Snickers* Cuming...yeah… I wish.

Jolene: Yes?

Grubba: I'm too drunk for this. Rank what is Gonzales *BURP* fighting?

Jolene: He's in rank 4. And it looks like he's going to be up against rank 3. Rth, Uind, and Phahyr.

Grubba: RIGHT! THANK*BURP*YOU!

Grubba: ALRIGHT. As for you Mr. G! FOr this mathc, I want you too... ... PFFFFFFFF AAAAAAAAHHHH JUST FUCK IT! YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! I don't even know... dont even know why... don't even know why I made a uhhhh... rule to ... do special challenges. They're STUPID! Alright! You GET OUT THERE, and be a BIG ASS STAR! I got a new batch of Securutums cloned so 1 of them will get you! SHIT! Pretard you never heard that. Gotta go. Grubba out.

Call End.

Mario: Damn! He is really drunk. And I mean, REALLY drunk.

Koops: But you're like, always drunk.

Mario: I know. But I don't talk like that. I just get louder and more egotistical.

Goombella: Yeah. Like the time you jumped off the roof of that bar.

Mario: Yes. Like the time I jumped off the roof of that bar. Hey. Remember the time I got that high score on Pac Man while drunk?

Goombella: That never happened.

Mario: Oh really? Fuck. Maybe next chapture...HOORAY FOR OBVIOUS FORESHADOWING!

Goombella: That's just a spoiler!

Mario: Not an important 1 at least.

A freshly made Securitim opened the door.

Securitim: Your match is ready. Come with me.

Koops: These new Securitims seem kind of boring.

Meanwhile, deep in the Glory Hole,

Grubba: Ladies and *BURP* WE... WE HAVE ANOTHER MATCH BETWEEN... *BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP* BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP* OHH ECSCCUUSE MII... SO WE HAVE *BUUUUUUUUUURP* UHHH... *BURP* OWWW! MY STOMACH! I HATE ACID REFLUX! WHY DID I DRINK ALL THAT BEEEEEAM!? OWW! OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! *panting* Oh right. The show... *BUUUUURP*! ALRIGHT, WE HAVE THE *BURP* *panting* WE HAVE THE *BUUUUUUURP* *Panting more* OH MY GOD OUUUWWWW! Aight… Aight… SO WE HAVE THE *BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP* *Panting* *BUUUUUUUUUURP* BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP* *panting alot* Okey... fuck it... Just…. bring out the 1st *BUUUURP* I'm just gonna... gonna…..

Grubba passed out and BLEERGED a little bit on the floor as a Hammer Bro, Boomerang Bro, and Fire Bro walked up on stage blasting September by Earth, Wind & Fire. Wait, I get it now! In the games, their original names are Hamma, Bamma, and Flare! "Hamma" is slang for "Hammer" which a hammer is an earth like weapon. "Bamma" refers to "Boomerang" which is the weapon that Boomberang Bro uses also considering that boomerangs are a wind like weapon. And finally, "Flare", which refers to "Fire", which also refers to a fire type energy called "fire". Maybe it was obvious as shit. So yeah. Rth, Uind, and Phahyr walked on stage and soon afterwards, Face Fisted by Dethklok blasted as the entire Team M crew under Gonzales' name came forth on stage with the audience members screaming and misbehaving as usual.

Mario: Hey look! Retards with helmets! This will be SO easy!

Goombella: You know what Hammer bros are right?

Mario: I know what I said.

Hamma: Mmmmm... Looks like we're up against the Gonzales Gang ehh?

Bamma (Age 40): We'll show em what wer made of FUNK style!

Flare (Age 42): Aaaaawwwwwwwww yeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiii...

Yoshi: LEMME AT EM! LEMME AT EM!

Mario: STOP DOING A FUCKING SCRAPPY DOO IMPRESSION! ITS ANNOYING!

Yoshi: Damn man! All I was-

Mario: DON'T CARE! Scrappy Doo is 1 of the worst/ annoying characters ever invented. I refuse to have a partner who pretends to act like him!

Yoshi: Jeez nigga. Mybad.

Mario: No! Fuck You!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 54/75

Goombella: Power Level 45/65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Hamma: Power Level 32

Bamma: Power Level 21

Flare: Power Level 26

Battle Music: Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind & Fire

[TURN 1]

Mario: This is not battle music at all. This just sucks.

Hamma: Shut that mouth of yours! Just enjoy the rhythm.

Bamma: Yeah. Just Boogy to this jam. Were a tribute fighting team to this band after all!

Flare: Awwwww yeiiii...

Mario: Thats retarded.

Goombella uses tattle on Hamma: This is a Hammer Bro. It has a power level of 32. It has a defense of 1 and they chuck hammers at you. You're not too drugged out to forget about your Super Mario Bros. release right?

Mario: Well yeah. I remember 1985 very clearly. In the future, Nintendo will chronically release dozens of Mario Games to help other people remember that Super Mario Bros. for the NES actually happened over, and over, and over again to the point where they will be absolutely annoying as shit and people will never see a new innovative idea for a Mario game ever again. This diabolical plan will start in 2006 when they make a 3D retro styled series known as New Super Mario Bros. and Nintendo will abuse it and become addicted to making 100 other games that look exactly the same as it and every1 will have to be stuck with it forever. So enjoy this shit while you still can!

Goombella: Uhh... Right. You're really choosing to rant about this now?

Mario: Yes I do.

Koops uses super power bowling ball of deth attack unleashing [3 Damage] on them Funky Bros.

Yoshi: Maaaan. I thought I was goin next.

Mario: You would have if you didn't make that Scrappy Doo reference asshole.

Yoshi: You an asshole!

Mario uses hammer smash on Hamma giving him exactly [3 Damage]!

Hamma: Looks like it's our turn.

Bamma: I say we take off a few notches of their asses!

Flare: Awwwww yeeeiiiiiiiiii...

Hamma throws 4 hammers at Koops: [4 Damage]

Koops: RAAA! NOT THE HAMMERS! ANYTHING BUT THE HAMMERS!

Bamma uses Link's side B boomerang throw that hits threw the opponents without cutting them somehow: [4 Damage for Mario] [2 Damage for Koops]

Flare uses Spitting Fire blast on Koops: [2 Damage]

Since Koops is on fire and no 1 can put it out for some reason, he received an extra [1 Damage] putting him in peril.

Koops: WHY ARE THEY ALL GOING AFTER ME!?

Mario: Cause. You're in front, remember?

Koops: Uhh… Oh yeah!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses Tattle on Bamma: This is a Boomerang bro. Hes like a hammer bro, that throws a boomerang. How complicated... It has a power level of 21 I guess, so it's a little weaker in strength.

Koops uses shell slam in Hammer bro with some shell on shell action that finished his ass off: [3 Damage]

Bamma: You fucking kidding me!? Hamma's gone!? Ah hell naw! That's it! We're gonna have to win this harder and louder before!

Flare: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Yoshi: Is that all that Flare guy can say nigga?

Flare: AAhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Yoshi: Shit. I think Mario's right about these guys being retarded.

Mario uses a lightning blotto from his inventory on Bamma zapping the shit out of him: [4 Damage]

Flare gulped in fear. He suddenly started receiving a burning fucking stomach pain.

Flare: Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-

Suddenly, Flare exploded due to the fact that swallowing his fire spit made him explode. Wait... assuming the fire spit is natural, then it shouldn't make him explode if that's a natural bottally function for him. Well guess what? Its not! He was prescribed a fire spitting drug that his doctor advised him not to swallow 1ce the pill was in effect: [4 Damage]

[END OF BATTLE]

Koops: Wait! What do we do! Grubba's passed out.

Goombella: WAIT! HOLD ON!

[BATTLE MODE]

Goombella uses tattle of Flare: This is a fire bro. He has a power level of 26. Look out for this 1! He spits fire at you. This fire spit bounces on the floor like 1 of those rubber balls made to bounce. Or better explained like a fire flower fireball throw. Weird physics I know right?

[END OF BATTLE]

Mario: Damn! I hope starting up the battle mode was worth it just for that.

Goombella: Yeah! I have to tattle…. EVERY1!

Koops: Yuuuuhhh... cool. So what about Grubba?

Mario: ... QUICK! EVERY1! KICK HIM SOBER!

Flurrie: Can't we just rape him sober?

Mario: NO TIME!

Suddenly, every1 from Team M started kicking the passed out Grubba till he woke up.

Grubba: Whoa what? Where am I?

Mario: We won the match! Now announce it before we sue you!

Grubba: Oh right... right... *clears throat* WE HAVE A WINNER! AS ALWAYS, THE GREEEEEEEEEAT GONZALES!

Yoshi: HAAAAAA! How dat floor taste bitches!?

Goombella: I'm pretty sure some of them are ded.

Yoshi: Pff... They still bitches.

[COMMERCIAL MODE]

Looking for some summer activities? Then come on down to HITLER LAND! Enter the gates of barbed wire and ride some of our cool roller coasters like the Holocaust, Luftwaffe, The Oven, and our famous water ride; The SS Navy! Take a tour with our Train to Auschwitz! We have a tea cup ride, but with Swastikas! Ride into our spookhouse; The Gas Chamber! Enter our funhouse maze; Anne Frank's Attic! Buy some soap and some cool T Shirts made from the flesh of the Jüdin! We even have our newly opened waterpark; PEARL HARBOR! Where you can ride the Atomic Bomb, the Tsunami, the Kamakazi! and even come down to our cafes where we only serve sausage and orange slices! So come on quick and enjoy the Spaß! Hitler Land! Only in New Jersey!

[END OF COMMERCIAL]

Back to the locker room,

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 3.

Jolene handed Mario 14 coins.

Mario: I still feel like you're shorting me.

Yoshi: You shorting him bitch!? HUH? Oh hell naw! Fuck that shit.

Jolene: Whatever. I got business to attend to.

Jolene left the room

Yoshi: Damn... that sure is some suspicious shit right hrrr...

Koops: Shucks! Like, how so?

Yoshi: Well, doesn't she always say dat "Now if you excuse us, we must get going" crap!? Dis time, she just sounded like she was more in a rush or some shit.

Flurrie: I love watching her go though.

Yoshi: Yeah. Same here. I wish I can just see dat booty already! But Koops' weird ass dad's ass was blockin' that shit for me!

Flurrie: Aww... poor baby. Wanna see my ass?

Yoshi: Fuck no bitch. I've puked enough today!

Goombella: Yeah Flurrie. No 1 wants to look at your ass.

Flurrie: Playin hard to get eh? Well that's cool. Your only stirring up my groin for a grand finale.

Goombella: ... *Sigh* And this is why you're a better character when you don't talk.

Mario: GUYS! LOOK! ANOTHER CAKE!

Mario pointed to another cake on the table!

Koops: OH BOY! MORE CAKE!

Yoshi: CHOCOLATE CAKE TOO!1

Koopinator: Not so fast buttwads! I'm eating this cake instead!

Yoshi: OH HEEL NAW!

Mario: STEP AWAY FROM THE CAKE IF YOU WANT TO LIVE ASSHOLE!

Koopinator: Nonsense! This is cake! 1 of the most precious things in the Nintendo world! It's mine and you can't do anything about it!

Flurrie: You most certainly will not trifle with thy cake you resilient cock blocker!

Koopinator: Try me!

Suddenly, Koopinator grabbed the entire cake and swallowed it whole like Kirby believe it or not.

Koops: n...N...N-..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Goombella: YOU BASTARD! WE WERE SOOOO CLOSE TO EATING THAT CAKE!

Yoshi: WHY COULDN'T YOU SHARE IT NIGGA!?

Koopinator: Because! Jokes on you! That's what you get for trolling me you fucking Yoshi!

Mario: Great. Now I have to punch you in the stomach so hard, that you puke it out!

Koopinator: Oh pfft. What are you gonna do!? Eat my puke?

Mario: Yes. I will do it. I'm fucking crazy.

Koopinator: Fine! Lets duke it out early then, who ever loses, has to forfeit when we-

Suddenly, Koopinator's stomach started to growl.

Koopinator: What the? ... OOOOWWWW! OOOOOO! OOOOOHHHH NONONONONONONO! NOT NOW! NOT NOW!

Koopinator started crouching down holding his stomach as he began to uncontrollably shart all over in his armor!

Koopinator: THIS CAN'T BEEEEE!

Koopinator then started to shart liquid diarrhea that poured down his armor like warm frozen yogurt.

Koopinator: AAAAAAAHHHH! I'M IN SOOO MUCH PAAAAAAAAAIN!1 AAAAAAHHHHH!

Yoshi: WHOA! CHECK IT OUT! THAT ROBOT WANNABE NIGGA BE SHITTING HIMSELF! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Koops: Holy Smokes! Was there something in that cake that tainted him!?

Mario: Hmm... I hope not.

Mario suddenly had another notification.

Mario: Ah shit... Goombella. Read!

Goombella: I'm gonna tutor you on how to read 1 of these days.

Goombella: Oh look. Rawk Hawk thinking he's anonymous again…. Here we go.

Rawk Hawk: STAR69 HAI DER! SO I WANN SSAY SOORY 4 MT I MEAN, MY BEHAVIOR! I JUST WANNA B COOL AND LET BY GONES BE BYGONES. UNLESS YR GAY OR SOMETHING. HAR HAR HAR! SO, AS A TOKEM OF MY GRATIDUDE, I GET YOU A CAKE! AND DON'T WORRY, I SURE PROMISE U WONT GET THE SPLATTERZ! I TOTALLY DIDDINT ADD ANY LAXADIVZ IN TI! HAR HAR HAR! PIECE! GET IT!? LIKE PEACE OF OF CAKE?

- RAWK HAWK

Goombella: ... If IAMMASTER makes a top 5 dumbest SMatTYD characters list, this guy has a pretty substantial chance of making that list. Like, seriously, it's a little concerning. He's almost up there with Robotnik, who is also pretty bat shit crazy himself!

Mario: So... basically,,,, he tainted the cake?

Goombella: Yeah. Yeah he did.

Mario: ... WHEN I FACE HIM, I AM GOING TO TAINT THAT CONERY CAWK WITH MY TAINT AND SHOW HIM WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUIN CAKE IN A NINTENDO GAME! The results are NOT pretty! Just so I can kick his ass as soon as humanly possible, Im reserving the next match right now!

Mario ran to the touch screen and reserved his match at 1ce!

Grubba: HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY! IT IS I, GRUBBA! AAHAHAHAHAH! So looks like you're reserving another match as always Gonzales! Very well then! How bout I place you up against rank 13, sorry. I mean, rank 2! THE CUNT CHOMPERS! They are a feisty bunch of red chain chomps yes, but nothin you and your partners can't handle I tell he hwat! ... SO! This match, I want you to go at this match alone! Meaning, don't let any of em partner's attack. It'll hype people for yer last 2 matches afterwards! That Goomba 1 can do that tattle shit she always does, but leave it at that! Alright! A Securitim will be on his way! YEE HAH!

Call End

Koopinator was suddenly spinning around like a diarrhea rocket out of the control with his uncontrollable prostate breakdancing and shit bursting out of his left leg hole! Think Squirtle's side B move in Brawl, but with poop.

Koopinator: I CAAAAANT TAKE THE PRESSUUUUUUUURE!

Mario: Hey! Let's throw stuff at him!

Mario and his retarded team started throwing trash at the Koopinator. Some of this trash got stuck to the shit that was stuck to his armor.

Koops: GUYS! WE SHOULD CALL HIM, *SNICKERS* THE POOPINATOR! GET IT!?

Mario: WOW! I ACTUALLY FIND THAT KIND OF FUNNY!

Goombella: You guys sprout a bunch of immature crap! But this is immature crap I can really get behind! LITERALLY!

Securitim: Hey! Whats going on here!?

Mario: We're throwing garbage at the Poopinator!

Securitim: OH! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Let me join for a few minutes, then we can start your guys' match!

Yoshi: SURE!

Koopinator: I FUCKING HATE YOU PEOPLE!

Later after the hazing of the Koopinator for stealing the poisoned cake, the battle started to commence as usual in the Glory Hole. You know. Dad's beating up other dads, and moms generating and throwing their babies at each other like a snowball fight. Usual stuff like that.

Grubba: WOMEN AND HUMANS! BOYS AND OTHER INFERIORS OUT THERE! WHO'S READY FOR 2 OF OUR BIGGEST MAJOR LEAGUERS TO FACE OFF!?

Audiance: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Grubba: FOR STARTERS, WE HAVE THE RED BALLS AND CHAINS! THE CHOMPS NOT THWOMPS! LET'S GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR! THE CUNT CHOMPERS!

Who let the Dogs Out by Baha Men started blasting as 2 Red Chomps hopped on stage! 1 of the fans tried to get 1 of them to sign her boob, but instead, 1 of the Chomps... ate half of her body. Remember. These audience members unknowingly sign their lives away so its all guud.

Grubba: AND IN THE OTHER CORNER, WE HAVE TO MERCILESS DETH MACHINES OF DESTRUCTION, AND 1000 WAYS TO DIE! PLEASE GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE TOOOOOOOOOO THE GREAT GONZALES!

Face Fisted by Dethklok started blasting as Mario, and his gang emerged on stage in their same old normal way. What do you expect!? They've done this 17 fucking times this chapture.

X-Naut 21: Hey 24, can you pass me some more popcorn?

X-Naut 24: Sure. Yeah! Great plan sneaking off from searching for Mario and going to Glitzville instead.

X-Naut 21: Yeah! Definately! I kind of feel like we need a break after that last disaster!

X-Naut 24: Say... Doesn't that Gonzales guy kind of look like Mario? I think some of those other characters look like his partners!

X-Naut 21: Dude! Come on! Were on vacation! Let's just enjoy the show and get drunk.

X-Naut 24: Yeah. Good idea. Besides, alot of people kind of already look like Mario anyway.

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 48/75

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 5/68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 7/10

V.S.

Red Chomp 1 (Age 5): Power Level 53

Red Chomp 2 (Age 7): Power Level 53

Battle Music: Hammer Smashed Face by Cannibal Corpse

[TURN 1]

Red Chomp 1: ARF! ARF ARF ARF! ARF! ARF!

Red Chomp 2: ARF ARF ARF AAARF AAARRFF!

Mario: Goombella? You know how to speak in chomp?

Goombella: What are you kidding? That's like trying to talk to a fucking dog!

Mario: Just do your tattle shit.

Goombella: Right.

Goombella uses tattle of the Red Chomp: These are Red Chomps. They each have a power level of 53. They have the strength of 5, and a duration of 3. So look out. Plus, their attacks are fast as hell. So yeah. Have fun.

Mario drops some earth LSD all over the fucking Red Chomps dealing an atrocious: [5 Damage to All]

Koops: I think he's got this guys! I think he's got this!

Flurrie: You go my Magnificent Mustache!

Yoshi: Drop their asses G!

Mario: See that!? I don't need no partners to kick ass!

Chomp 1 uses bite on Mario leaving a brutal painful scar on his hip area: [5 Damage]

Mario: JESUS FU-

Chomp 2 interrupted him with another bite attack in the other side: [5 Damage]

Mario: AAAAAAAAAH! FUCK that HURTS!

Yoshi: HAHAHAHA! THESE CUNT CHOMPERS REALLY ARE TRUE TO THEIR NAMES!

Koops: Whoa! Like, how are you still alive!?

Mario: Cause, I said it before and I'll say it again. I'm, fucking, MARIO! Crap. If only that was enough to bring me down to danger mode.

Yoshi: How is that shit possible!? Like, how are they able to stretch their fuckin chains that far to reach you!? What kind of metal is that?

Mario: I guess its rubber. I mean, fuck. I don't know!

[TURN 2]

Mario: I can finish this match with a move I completely forgot all about having!

Mario ended the battle by swinging his hammer at 1 of the Chomps bouncing onto the other chomps knocking them the fuck out: [1 Damage All]

Yoshi: YEI! THEY GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: WHOHOA NELLY! TALK ABOUT 1 HELL OF A KROKEE GAME! THE WINNER IS! THE GREEEEAT GONZALES!11

Goombella: Sooo... You're not like, tripping from the acid right?

Mario: Nah. It still won't kick in for a little while now.

Audience: GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES!

X-Naut 21 & 24: GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES!

Back to the locker room,

Jolene: Here is your prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 2.

Jolene handed Mario 15 Coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be getting back to work.

Jolene left in the same boring ass way as always.

Koopinator: YOU!

Mario: Oh good! You changed your armor after shitting in it! And you did that all by yourself!? Oh good for you!

Koopinator: Reserve your match at 1ce against me! For I am your next opponent on the roster! Yes! I am the last step between you and facing that Rawk Hawk asshole! And I don't think you got what It takes!

Yoshi: I don't think YOU got what it takes you armor shitting turkey!

Koopinator: I AM NOT AN ARMOR SHITTING TURKEY! YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT FOR I AM OF A HIGHER RANK THAN YOU!

Yoshi: Aight. Aight. A, yes you are an armor shitting turkey. You were shitting yourself last time we was here. B, We'll pass your rank next match. and C, ... YOU SUCK! HAHAHA!

Koopinator: Don't any of your teammates know how to parent you!?

Koops: Well you see... he kind of just does what he wants.

Flurrie: Indeed. Were the best kind of parents.

Mario: Yeah. Besides. Were not even his fucking parents. He's just an infant Yoshi on our team who thinks he's a black niglet.

Yoshi: I AM BLACK NIGGA! Just look at my skin!

Goombella: He's right you know.

Koopinator: Grrrr! Thats it! Gonzales! You're coming with me and we are reserving our match cause if I do it, Im going up against Rawk Hawk and I already lost to him today! Before you even registered as a fighter!

Mario: Oh yeah. I was watching that fight alright. I thought you were a fucking gay robot or something!

Koopinator: RAAA! Get over here!

The Koopinator grabbed Mario's arm tightly like an aggressive elementary school gym teacher, and made his arm reserve the match.

Grubba: Well HOWDY Gonzales and Koopinator! I see you both are fixin for a fight! Let's see... So Koopinator, you'll both be up against the Champion! Rawk Hawk!

Koopinator: WHAT!? NO! I WANNA FIGHT GONZALES!

Grubba: Alright, alright... fine. That sounds like more of an exciting match anyway. So Gonzales, for this match, I want you to... too... KICK HIS ASS!

Mario: HA!

Koopinator: WHAT!? HEY! FUCK YOU! WHAT ABOUT ME!?

Grubba: Well Koopinator, you see... I'm not really too interested in what you have to say or do. You may be rank 1, but you ain't no rising star like Gonzales. He's way more popular than you will ever be! Now get pumped and I'll have a Securitim come by any minute now! Signin off!

Call End.

Koopinator: That son of a bitch!? Who does he think I am!? I am rank 1! 1 I tell you! RANK 1!

Mario: That clearly doesn't make you the highest rank you know.

Koopinator: Higher than you!

Mario:Do you really want to get into another shame filled argument right now you smelly tin can looking dildo!

Koopinator: You're full of shit Mother Fucker!

Mario: At least I'm not too pussy to show my face in public. You must be pretty fucking ugly if you can't even handle taking off your mask in a fucking locker room!

Koopinator: AH SCREW THE MATCH! I'M KICKING YOUR ASS RIGHT HERE!

As the Koopinator charged a punch at Mario, a Securitim opened the door and slammed the Koopinator in the face.

Koopinator: OWW!

Securitim: Gonzales! Come with me if you want to live in rank 1!

Mario: Ha! I get it! Nice sucky terminator reference. It's almost as bad as-

Koopinator: YEAH YEAH! SHUT UP! I GET IT!

Inside the wretched and foul Glory Hole,

Grubba: SEXIST DEVIATIONS OF GENDERS! WHO'S READY FOR ANOTHER GLORY HOLE GALLERY TO COMMENCE!?

Audience: JUST GET TO THE FUCKING FIGHT ALREADY!

Grubba: FINE THEN! TO MY LEFT, WE HAVE THE AUSTRIAN DETH MACHINE! THE RAZOR'S EDGE! THE MEDIEVAL LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER HIMSELF! TOTALLY NOT A KNOCK OFF OF THE TERMINATOR, THE KOOPINATOR!

Sad But True by Metallica started blasting as the Koopinator walked forth doing various flexing like forms to heavily imply how strong as fuck he thinks he is.

Grubba: TO MY RIGHT, WE HAVE THE 1 AND ONLY HIMSELF! THE HUMAN EMBODIMENT OF EVERY GENOCIDE EVER! THE SLIMY SCUM BAG SCUMMIER THAN EVEN MYSELF, FLASH YER TITS FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR! THE GREAT GONZALES!

Mario and the rest of his party walked behind him in a V like formation for some showboating reason.

Koopinator: WERE FINISHING THIS! TONIGHT!

Koops was busy eating half a Hot Dog some1 dropped on the floor that only replenished: [5 HP]

Mario: Well yeah, that's the fucking plan. Now shut up and lets fight.

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 18/75

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 52768

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 7/10

V.S.

The Koopinator: Power Level 175

Battle Music: Master of Puppets by Metallica

[TURN 1]

Koopinator: THIS IS IT! YOUR FINALLY DED MEAT!

Mario: You look like you're not even worthy for a "You look like a" insult!

Goombella uses tattle: This is the Koopinator. He's part of an elite warrior class known as Dark Koopatrols by Bowser. I don't know why he isn't working for that guy right now. He seems to just work as a high ranked fighter instead. Its a little odd if you ask me. Lets see... Don't jump in his head cause there's a spike protecting his head, and he's got a Defense of 2. I guess thats all that's important.

Mario: Why does he have a stronger power level than Bowser?

Goombella: Don't ask me.

Koops uses shell slam on the Koopinator kind of hitting him in the stomach area: [2 Damage]

Mario uses hammer blaster on Koopinator dealing him a solid: [2 Damage]

Koopinator: Pfft... Don't make me laugh.

Mario: My god you sound sooo edgy.

Koopinator: Try me!

Koopinator used his head but shell attack on Koops: [4 Damage]

Koops: MY HOODIE! Aww shucks! You tore a hole in it!

Koopinator: Get armor! It's way better!

[TURN 2]

Koops: Mario! I really don't like this guy!

Mario: I know! That's why we're kicking his fucking ass right now!

Koops: I'll show this guy some fucking armor!

Koops uses his new power he forgot all about from his power up back in Ghettoport, and raised his arms to summon a giant majical shell for Mario to hide in.

Mario: How the fuck did you just do that!?

Koops: I don't know! I'm just trying to express myself! It does looks like a great shell to masterbate in though!

Mario: Koops! Worry about that on your own time!

Koops: Uhhh... yes sir!

Mario got out of the shell and smoked a lightning blotto making him high as fuck! Oh. And also zapping the Koopinator in the face: [3 Damage]

The Koopinator got in his shell and performed a powershell move that cut through Koops' shell and broke 1 3rd of the shell Mario was hiding in and also somehow missed Koops: [0 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Koops: Uggg...That was close! Mario... No offense, but I feel like i'm about to pass out i'm in so much pain...

Mario: I don't understand why you can't hide in the shell with me you piece of shit... fine. Uhh... Yoshi! You're up!

Yoshi: Hell yeah!

Yoshi got on stage and kicked Koops off like the bratty twat he is.

Mario uses quake hammer knocking the Koopinator on the ground on his back like a bitch: [2 Damage]

Koopinator: Help! HELP! I CAN'T FCUKING GET UP!

Mario: No you can't! And that just costed you a turn bitch!

[TURN 4]

Mario: Alright Yoshi! Remember what we did last time while he was having a shit explosion? Kick him when he's down!

Yoshi: I WILL! THANK YOU FATHER!

Mario uses regular double jump attack on the Horizontally Challenged Koopinator: [4 Damage]

Yoshi uses quadruple ground pound attack with the 1st pound being worth 2 Damage, but ultimately, it was a whopping: [5 Damage]

Koopinator: THIS IS HORSE SHIT!

The damaged Koopinator got back up after being a little dazed from the beating.

Koopinator: Next turn, you are so ded!

[TURN 5]

Mario uses regular hammer blast on Koopinator: [2 Damage]

Yoshi uses appeal knowing he can't do shit without using too much FP for a gulp attack.

The Koopinator uses spikey head butt shattering another 3rd of Koops' giant majic shell shield.

[TURN 6]

Mario does another hammer attack on the heavily damaged Koopinator: [2 Damage]

Goombella: Mario! Use the item swap we got from earlier and swap 1 of your bags of super shrooms. We might get some kind of hopefully not gross syrup.

Mario: Well... I already used my turn for this round, YOSHI! DO IT!

Yoshi: Do what!?

Mario: You know!?

Yoshi: NO I don't!

Mario: *Sign* Go into the itme action command, select the item next to the text "item swap", and use it on 1 of the bags of super shrooms!

Yoshi: Where the hell am I supposed to find the inventory!?

Mario: I don't know. Every1 just seems to have access to it despite the sensible physics!

Yoshi: Aight fine!

Yoshi some how majically used the item swap and held up a bag of super shrooms!

Flurrie: I thought they were in Mario's ass!

Goombella: Sometimes they are.

Koopinator: Are you all done squabbling yet!?

Mario: We're figuring out how to do an action command! Just grab your dick or something and be patient!

Yoshi: So wait, what do I do? Do I squish this shit together!?

Mario: I don't know. Like, you can try that I guess.

Yoshi: Alright. Let me try this shit.

Yoshi squished the items together causing the bag of super shrooms to turn into a jar of super vadgelly syrup.

Mario: Oh good it worked!

Koopinator used another head butt spike slam smashing the shell into 100 pieces.

Koopinator: You are so ded next turn!

[TURN 7]

Yoshi downed the shit out the super vadgelly syrup fully restoring Mario's FP. Don't ask me how that makes sense either. It's because Yoshi's a Team M member and Mario's the only human that can achieve FP.

Mario uses another hammer slam on Koopinator putting him in a peril state: [2 Damage]

Goombella: Why didn't you finish him off!?

Yoshi: Don't worry bitch! I got a plan! Trust me. It'll be funny!

Koopinator: This is it! You're done for!

Mario: Wow. Your cool for saying that quote...

Koopinator: I've heard enough!

Koopinator got in his shell and started spinning creating a shell slam attack. Just at the right moment, Yoshi countered by hopping in his shell hole, and pulled him out his shell on the other side and kicked his ass while Koopinator was naked: [-1 Damage]

[END OF BATTLE]

Grubba: WE HAVE A NEW 1ST PLACER! THE GREEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZALEEEEEEEEES! AND WE HAVE OUR CHAMPION OF YESTERDAY, NOW IN RANK 2!

Koopinator: OH COME ON! KNOW WHAT!? I AM SO KILLING MYSELF!

Yoshi: DO IT BITCH!

Mario: Good. Now we can finally fight the fucking champion already.

A hole smashed through the ceiling with a big buff gorilla like creature with a red tie bursted on to the stage.

Donkey Kong (Age 45): I THINK NOT!

Mario: No... fucking... way!

Yoshi: Wait, who this nigga?

Grubba: WHERE DO ALL THESE PEOPLE KEEP COMING FROM!?

Donkey Kong: IT IS I! DONKEY KONG!

Mario: Yes! I know who you are! Get out of here! You're not even a fucking Paper Mario character!

Donkey Kong: I AM NOW BITCH! AND I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU! ON STAGE! THIS WILL BE PAYBACK FOR NOT LETTING ME BE A PAPER MARIO CHARACTER ORIGINALLY!

Mario: What are you, high or something? This honestly sounds like a beef you should probably settle with Miyamoto.

Donkey Kong: I'VE HEARD ENOUGH! I'M GONNA PULL OFF ALL YOUR ASSES AND HANG THEM ON MY WALL TO COMMEMORATE THIS MOMENT!

FLurrie: Mmmmm... I've always wanted my arse to be hung up on some1's wall.

Goombella: Shut up Flurrie!

Mario: How bout I just kick your ass till it falls off and we can put all this shit behind us.

Donkey Kong: FUCK YOU WOP!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 18/75

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 9/68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 10/10

V.S.

Donkey Kong: Power Level 175

Battle Music: DK Rap by Nintendo I guess

[TURN 1]

Mario: Hey! You look like a bad mix of some crazy redneck who tried fucking a donkey, but then got too drunk and accidently raped a tranquilized gorilla in the zoo instead! Your ass smells! Your face smells like your ass! And your dick smells like garbage!

Donkey Kong: FUCK YOU! WE'RE SETTLING THIS RIGHT NOW YOU BUILDING SMASHING, BRUNETTE SNATCHING MOTHER FUCKER!

Mario: That was 23 years ago! I thought we were over this after the 1st Mario Kart!

Donkey Kong: Me not being in Paper Mario brought back some bad memories! Memories of YOU, FUCKING MY WIFE, AND CUCKING ME WHILE I WAS CRIPPLED!

Mario: Fine. Goombella, for 1ce! Do an actually necessary tattle on this guy.

Goombella: Holy shit! The 4th Mario character I've ever met! Lets see... Uh oh. It doesn't look like Donkey Kong is on the tattle log. But from what I suspect, his stats are 35 - 5 - 0. Meaning 35 in HP, 3.5 in Attack, and 0 in Defense. So he has a power level of 122.5. Rounding up would be 123 of course. His attacks maybe a bit unpredictable so keep an eye out.

Yoshi uses ground pound on DK aka, Donkey Kong: [5 Damage]

Mario uses charge to raise his power level to 24/100.

Donkey Kong uses his up B move from Smash Bros. He moved like a BayBlade smacking Mario in the face 5 times puttin him in peril: [5 Damage]

Mario: Hehehehehe... I hope you realize that you just made me much stronger than ever before right?

Donkey Kong: Thats not how it works! When you're hurt, you get weaker!

Mario: You and what logic, you beastiality after birth freak!

[TURN 2]

Yoshi does another ground pound blast on DK: [5 Damage]

Donkey Kong: HEY! FUCK YOU YOSHI! IM GONNA RAPE YOU!

Mario: You say that, but all you do is punch people.

Donkey Kong: THATS EXACTLY WHAT RAPE IS!

Mario: I'm... im so confused right now.

Mario uses power bounce on Donkey Kong doing a holy fuck ton of Damage: [23 Damage]

Donkey Kong: You think you're the only specimen that can achieve FP? Well guess again retard. I'm a Gorilla! The pre evolved form of humans! I can use FP better than even you can!

And so, Donkey Kong single handed raped the concept of creationism by using 1 FP by charging up his B button punch like in Smash Bros.

Donkey: You're so ded next turn!

[TURN 3]

Mario: Hold on a second! I got an idea!

Mario snuck into the audience and stole an 8 year old boy's hot dog. So he can eat it. And yes. It was a real hotdog: [10 HP]

Suddenly, the speakers started blasting Cat Scratch Fever by Ted Nugent as the Ghost of the Motor City Bad Boy himself, Ted Nugent spawned on stage with a shotgun and cowboy hat.

Ted Nugent (Age 55): I AM TED NUGENT! AND I AM BACK FROM THE FUCKING DED!

Mario: WHERE THE FUCK DO THESE RANDOM CHARACTERS KEEP COMING FROM!?

Ted Nugent: You see, God didn't want me in heaven, and Satan didn't want me in hell neither! So a war broke out between heaven and hell! So God finally said "Fuck it!" and sent me back to earth as a ghost! Now, I'm pissed!

Donkey Kong: What the fuck is this guy talking about!?

Mario: Jokes on you! Heaven and hell ain't real! You did too many drugs before you fucking overdosed so you thought all that!

Ted Nugent: Then why am I a ghost!?

Mario: Dude, there are like, 3 or 4 different kind of ghosts in this series so far.

Flurrie: I'm 1 of them!

Mario: See what I mean Ted?

Ted Nugent: Shut up! Its yer fault that Wario's phone got smashed by Professor Frankly! I was happy living in his phone, and now you must pay!

Goombella: Wario's phone had a ghost in it? Wow.

Mario: Not just any ghost. The founder of my 2nd least favorite artist right above Coldplay; Ted Nugent.

Ted Nugent: Oh to hell with this!

Ted Nugent cocked his gun.

Ted Nugent: HOW BOUT SOME CAT SCRATCH FEVER FOR ALL OF YOU!

He started shooting some of the animal looking characters on stage due to the old redneck's adrenalin like addiction of hunting animals while having a dumb rock star personality.

Some of the audience members started running off. For some reason, 1 of them decided to masterbate during this shooting which was and will forever be bizarre.

Ted Nugent: AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH YEEEESS YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS! YOU ALLLL DDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

Donkey Kong: Holy shit! This guy is seriously out of control!

1 of Ted's bullet's shot Flurrie directly in the left boob. Luckily, her tit had enough disgusting fat inside of it for the bullet not to be lethal: [10 Damage]

Flurrie: OWW! I JUST CAME!

Goombella: Holy shit! This can't be happening!

Goombella, and the rest of the partners hid under the stage.

Grubba: SECURITIMS! SECURITIMS! GET THIS GUY!

Suddenly, 100 Securitims all started shooting Uncle Ted, but since he is infact a ghost, the bullets just went through his body no problem.

Ted Nugent: HAHAHAHAHA! YOU CAN'T FUCKING KILL ME! I'M ALREADY DED! YOUR BULLETS ARE AS USELESS AS THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY!

Mario: DK! I hate suggesting this, but I think we need to team up.

Donkey Kong: Good idea! But how!? Our moves are just going to go right through him!

During this banter, Ted Nugent shot all of the Securitims eliminating that shit.

Ted Nugent: I HAVE UNLIMITED AMMO BITCHES! FROM THE DED!

Mario: I think I have a witty idea of how to weaken him. When I yell out your name, you'll know what to do.

Donkey Kong: Alright… I just hope you know what you're doing.

Mario: Of course it will. Just who the hell do you think I am?

Mario walked up to Ted Nugent without any fear.

Mario: HEY TED! I THINK OBAMA IS THE BEST PRESIDENT WE'VE EVER HAD!

Ted Nugent: WHAT!? OWW! WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE!?

Mario: THE GOVERNMENT IS REGULATING HUNTING AND GUN LAWS IN ALL STATES!

Ted Nugent: OWWW! NOOO! STOP IT! IT HURTS!

The Ghost of Ted Nugent started to crouch down in pain.

Donkey Kong: IT'S WORKING! KEEP GOING!

Mario: ABORTION IS FUCKING AWESOME!

Ted Nugent: AAAAAAAAHHHHH! MY EARS! I HATE YOU!

Mario: THE BLACKS ARE DOING A FANTASTIC JOB WITH MTV!

Ted Nugent: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

Goombella: THAT'S IT! HE'S WEAKENING!

Mario: SOCIETY IS REPLACING THE CONFEDERATE FLAG WITH BIG GAY BUTT FUCKING RAINBOW FLAGS AND EVERY1 IS CHEERING!

Ted Nugent: YOU PIECE OF HIPPY SNOT!

Mario: HILLARY CLINTON IS GOING TO WIN THE NEXT ELECTION!

Ted Nugent: OWW! SUCK MY MACHINE GUN!

Mario: YOU LOOK LIKE BRUCE JENNER'S GRANDMA WHO BATHED IN RICHARD SIMMON'S FLAMING CUM! ALL OF YOUR MUSIC SUCKS AND YOU CAN'T HUNT FOR SHIT! NEXT TIME YOU RESPAWN FROM THE DED, YOU BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR FACE, YOU BURNT VICTIM LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL!

Ted Nugent: AWW! I'M … SO WEAK NOW!

Mario: NOW'S YOUR CHANCE DK!

Donkey Kong: RIGHT!

Donkey Kong used his standard B Smash Bros move on Ted Nugent punching him into the Ded Zone where he can have some sloppy gay non-cannon sex with Garlic Jr.: [25 Damage]

Ted Nugent: I'LL BE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

[END OF BATTLE]

Yoshi: Wait. The battle's ova?

Donkey Kong: Yeah... It's over. Mario! That was most excellent team work!

Mario: Yeah it was. So what? Are we continuing our fight or what?

Donkey Kong: ...mmmm... Nah. I don't really want to. We'll fight another day. I'm gonna go back to my island and rape some helpless animals till they cough up their lunch money!

Mario: Uhhh…. You go do that. I think we're just gonna go back to our locker room and prep for our next battle.

Donkey Kong: Alright. Cool! Sounds good! Great seeing you again!

Mario: Indeed so! You take care now! Now come on team, grab Koops and lets go!

[COMMERCIAL MODE]

HEY! ARE YOU A LOSER? FEELING BORED? LOSING REASONS TO LIVE IN THE WORLD? NO CHANCE TO ACHIEVE YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS? SAD THAT YOUR FAVORITE SHOW GOT CANCELLED? DID YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER LEAVE YOU TO DATE A FUCKING MIME? WELP, INTRODUCING, KILLING YOURSELF! YES! WITH KILLING YOURSELF, YOU WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANYMORE OF THAT CRAP! YOU WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANOTHER DAY AT WORK, YOU WONT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANY MORE SEX WITH YOUR GROSS SPOUSE, AND NO LONGER WILL YOU HAVE TO EVER RISK HEARING COLDPLAY AT A RANDOM STORE EVER AGAIN! KILLING YOURSELF! IT'S FREE! SCREW FAMILY AND LOVED 1S! YOUR DED! AND THEY CAN ALL GO SUCK IT! SHOOT YOURSELF OUT OF A CANNON WHY DONHCA! YOU CAN KILL YOURSELF IN ALL KINDS OF COLORFUL WAYS! HANG YOURSELF! OVERDOSE ON PILLS ON THE TOILET! WATCH JOHNNY TEST! JUMP OFF A BUILDING LIKE A BOSS! YOU CAN EVEN BE LIKE KURT COBAIN AND TAKE A SHOTGUN RIGHT TO THE FUCKING FACE! KILLING YOURSELF! IT'S FUN AND IT'S FREE! TRY IT NOW!

[END OF COMMERCIAL]

Chapture 4 - 18: The Championship?

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. Congratulations, you are now in rank 1!

Jolene handed Mario 15 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must-

Mario: Yeah yeah! We heard you the 1st 18 times!

Jolene: ...

Jolene casually left to do more business than ever before.

Koops: Hey guys! I'm feeling a little better now. Still pretty *coughs blood* fucked up though. But man! I'm excited to *coughs more blood up* win the championship. 1ce we do that, I'm thinking about getting back into Club Penguin.

Goombella: You really play club penguin? How old are you?

Koops: 18. So what? LIke, did we not have a conversation about Adventure Time a chapture ago?

Goombella: ...

Mario's phone started ringing 1ce more.

Mario: Oh come on! We have a championship round to worry about!

Koops: Oh gosh! Your phone's doing the thing again! I'm super nervous!

aNoNyMoUs: 83|=0|?3 '/0|_||? /\/\47(#, 60 70 7#3 1088'/ 4/\/|) |?3/\/\0\/3 7#3 6|?347 60/\/24135 |20573|?5.

Koops: It says, before your match, go to the lobby and remove the Great Gonzales posters. This form of leet is really mixed up and awkward to me if I can be honest.

Yoshi: We had posters!?

Mario: Wait, why!? Why take down posters of me? Like, what the fuck will that accomplish?

Goombella: Who knows. Maybe it has some relevance.

Mario: I just don't see how in the fuck it's relevant to anything doing that.

Flurrie: Maybe we'll find out 1ce we do it...

Mario: Fine. Fuck it. Lets all go to the lobby!

Meanwhile, in the big ass lobby.

Koops: Let's all go to the Lobby! Lets all go to the Lobby! Lets all go to the Lobby! To get ourselves a treat!

Mario: Why are you singing that of all songs?

Koops: I don't know. I think you referenced it not too long ago I guess.

Mario: Well, can we just get this shit over with? It's bad enough I have to swallow my pride and do this Mario poster tearing shit. Oh well. I have enough ego stroking merchandise anyway.

Flurrie: I can make the process ever so quick Mario!

Yoshi: You can? How?

Flurrie: Watch this.

Flurrie floated high up and started to bend over and wiggle her tushie.

Goombella: OH GOD NO!

Flurrie: HERE I GO!

Flurrie then proceeded in the action that is farting a powerful gust of wind making all of the posters, and the audience members inside the lobby fly all over the place like a shaken up snow globe.

Goombella: AAAAAAAHHH!1

Mario: GOD DAMNIT FLURRIE!

Yoshi: FUCK ASS BITCH!

Koops: I'M GONNA DIE!

The non farting Team M members had to grab onto anything they can in order to survive and not get blown into some wall and get splattered like half of the audience that got heavily injured from that. Luckily when any1 enters Glitzville, they pretty much sign their lives away. If they weren't unconscious, they were too dizzy to yell at Flurrie.

Flurrie: I'm done my dearies...

Goombella: YEAH! I CAN SEE THAT!

Yoshi: Damn! She sure got them ass blastin powers that can kill our asses!

Mario: I saw a porn 1ce where she actually did kill some1 by doing that. Actually it was a snuff film. And yes. Yes I do get off to those. Any questions?

Yoshi: Yei. What's porn? And a snuff films?

Mario: Welp, sit down with me on the stairs.

Yoshi sat down next to Mario.

Mario: So… Porn is a kind of movie where-

Koops: GUYS!

Mario: GOD DAMNIT KOOPS! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!

Koops: I found another key under where 1 of the posters were! We're saved! YAAAY!

Mario's phone rang up another message.

Mario: I swear. Whoever's messaging me must be watching us through tiny holes in the walls. That's the kind of shit I did back in middle school during shower time.

Goombella: Lets…. see what it is now.

aNoNyMoUs: 60 70 7#3 #!|)|)3/\/ |)00|? !/\/ 7#47 53(0/\/|) |=100|? !/\/ 7#3 570|?463 |?00/\/\.

Goombella: It says to Go to the hidden door in that second floor in the storage room.

Mario: That doesn't make any sense. Why can't this stupid pussy just show himself and just tell us where to get the star rather than having us do these stupid shit obstacles?

Another message came up.

Koops: My turn!

aNoNyMoUs: 60 |=|_|(| '/0|_||?531|=.

Koops: Go fuck yourself….. Huh.

Goombella: Okay! Now this is getting really fucking strange!

Mario: Before we do that. Wanna get some items or something? We haven't stalked up in a while.

Later, Team M took a minor detour to Suspicious Souvenirs to buy some super shrooms, an item swap, 2 Earth LSDs, 2 Lightning Blottos, and 2 bottles of Hawaiian Power Punch.

[Inventory: 3 Super Shrooms, 2 Lightning Blottos, 2 Earth Acids, 2 Power Hawaiian Punch, and 1 item swap.]

By the way, at this point, it's night time if that's at all important to you.

They then snuck their way back up into the storage room while another team of Securitims were regenerating due to the recent shooting of the crazy right winged Ted Nugent ghost guy. So it was easy to sneak back in again. They opened the door and climbed their way up some wooden ass boxes where Koops got a pretty bad splinter that dug deep under his bloody nail that he can't get out cause it'd be too painful.

A big ass block with painted on eyes appeared before them blocking the way.

Mario: That's it? That's what the person wanted us to find? A fucking block!?

Yoshi: Yei! Dat is some bullshit right there!

Goombella: I think we gotta smash it.

Koops: Guys. What do I do about my finger? It has a splinter in it.

Mario: Right. Of course we gotta smash it

Just as Mario smashed the big ass block, they found King K, and Bandy Andy who were practically squashed under it since they disappeared!

King K: Ay yo... *coughs blood* I think i'm dyin in here.

Bandy Andy: Shut up nigga... I'm dying...

King K: You shut up punk, i'm the screw ball whose dyin.

Bandy Andy: How bout I kick your ass. Who ever *coughs more blood* wins...gets to die 1st.

Mario: I can stomp on both your faces now and you'd both be ded.

Goombella: Holy shit! Guys! What happened?

King K: We dont... we dont... remember...

Bandy Andy: Man... all I remember is... what do I remember again?... Oh yeah... I remember going into the Glory Hole when no 1 was inside.

Mario: And?

Bandy Andy: God damn... I hate when you dip shits ask me shit like that...

Koops: Guys! What do I do about my finger guys?

King K: Thats all we remember... It almost like we got drugged or something.

Bandy Andy: We got drugged? ... *coughs some blood* awesome.

Yoshi: The fuck you say? So none yall motha fuckas know how this shit happened?

King K: Not 1 bit you dig? All I remember... is some buffy spiky orange fool beating us senseless. This bozo be more buff than Rawk Hawk. He was so buff….. he was so buff like….. , it was concerning. I wish I remember more than that, but we *coughs some blood* don't.

Mario: That's great. Sooooo... Can I still stomp on your faces?

Goombella: What? No. That's not necessary!

Bandy Andy: Do it bitch! Smash our shit!

Yoshi: Can I do it!? I was born today, and I've already always wanted to kill some mother fucker.

King K: Great... parenting.

Goombella: ... Maybe we should help them.

Mario: Are you kidding? If either Jolene, or Grubba found out we're involved in this shit, we'd be so screwed. We're best leaving them behind.

Koops: I'm worried that my finger is about to get infected guys.

Flurrie: Maybe if I just sex them back to life, we'll have no burdens on our hands.

Goombella: Your fucking crazy Flurrie. I hate saying this, but I think Mario might be right. Let's just get out of here and finish this last match. If they're still alive, we'll see what we can do about them after we get the star.

Yoshi: Man, then what was the point of coming up in this room then?

Goombella: I dont fucking know.

They then made it out of the storage room no problem. Except for the Securitim that suddenly caught them.

Securitim: Sup.

Mario: What the fuck? I thought you died?

Securitim: No man. I was the last Securitim to survive.

Goombella: Uhh... Please don't rat us out. We were just uhh... we were just looking for a bathroom that wasn't clogged.

Flurrie: *Ahem*

Goombella: ... A REAL bathroom!

Securim: No worries guys. Now let's just escort you all to your big match.

Koops was sucking his thumb trying to get the splinter out.

Securitim: Oh. Rawk Hawk took care of all that. When you're the Champion, there's no 1 higher than you in ranks. So reserving a match in his case, would only lead to you guys as his only opponents.

Mario: Well thats cool. I'm excited about getting his ass sodomized on stage then.

Flurrie: Oh Boy!

Securitim: Right... Now come with me. I'm gonna take you to a special room where you guy's will have the championship instead.

Yoshi: Whatchu talkin bout bitch?

Securitim: Just come with me.

Mario: That's cool. I'm happy kicking ass anywhere.

Securitim: Alright here we are.

The Securitim led the spacey team into the blue minor league locker room. It was just like the red 1, but not as smelly. And no 1 was inside.

Yoshi: Maaaan I don't know about chu all, but I got a bad feeling bout this shit.

Securitim: Stay here while I go get Rawk Hawk.

The Securitim quickly closed the door and in the speed of sound, he pulled out a bunch of 2 x 4s out of nowhere, and nailed them onto the door shut like a Looney Tune's antagonist trying to seal a door shut.

Mario: He... just sealed the door shut on us didn't he?

Securtim: Hehehehehehe HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAH HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!

Goombella: Is that laughing?

The Securitim pulled his head off and under the Securitim that turned out to be a carcass, was Rawk Hawk inside the flesh of the Securtim in disguise.

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR! MY PLAN WORKED PERFECTLY! NOW TO GO BACK TO THE GLORY HOLE, AND WAIT FOR THOSE HOMOS TO NEVER COME OUT OF THE DOOR! AND THEN I CAN WIN THE MATCH ALL ON MY OWN! HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!

Mario: WE CAN HEAR YOU RAWK HAWK! NOW OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR IF YOU VALUE YOUR PATHETIC LIFE!

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR! NICE TRY DICK SUCKERS! YOU ALL JUST GOT RAWK LAWKED! LAWKED IN THAT DOOR! HAVE FUN WITH YOUR GAY SEX! HAR HAR! RAWK HAWK OUT!

Mario: YOU FUCKING MACHO PUSSY!

The dastardly Conery ran to the Glory Hole pretending like he didn't lock their asses in the minor league locker room.

Grubba: POSSESSORS OF ALL KINDS OF FREAKY GENITALIA, THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME! OUR MATCH WITH OUR 2 MOST GREATEST FIGHTERS EVERSH IS ABOUT TO COMMENCE! WE HAVE THE GOLDEN GRIFFON! THE GLADIATOR OF THE GLORY HOLE! THE NUCLEAR ASSAULTER HIMSELF! PLEASE WELCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *panting* COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, RAWK! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!

The crowd was totally segregated between Rawk Hawk fans, and Gonzales / Mario fans. The Rawk Hawk fans started to have a morbid spaz attack as the speakers blasted Walk by Pantera as the douchey very hateable Rawk Hawk walked on stage with his cheesy champion's belt while pumping his fists up while stomping his feet on tempo to the song possibly ruining Pantera for alot of people reading this. Random audience member shouted things like "RAWK HIS ASS", and "GO RAWKA FLAWKA!" Alot of these fans glued yellow feathers on their bodies to express the over hyped fandom in which they possess.

Rawk Hawk: SHOW ME THEM TAR-TARS! (that means titties, but stupid sounding...)

All of the Rawk Hawk fans male and female lifted up their shirts exposing their chest areas.

Rawk Hawk: EWW! NOT THE GUYS! GIRLS ONLY! THATS JUST PURE GAY WHEN GUYS DO IT BRO!

Grubba: SO, LETS RAWK TAWK FOR A SECOND HERE! TELL THESE FANS HOW YOU THINK THIS MATCH IS GOING TO GO OUT TONIGHT!

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR! GONZALES IS A TOTAL WUZZ! HE WAS ALL LIKE, BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK! YOU KNOW!? LIKE A CHICKEN! A GAY 1! HE'S PROBABLY FUCKING THE GAY SAWKS OFF OF HIS GAY TEAMMATES IN THE MINOR LEAGUE LAWKER ROO- I MEEEEEAN! HE'S JUST HAVING REGULAR GAY SEX! LIKE UHHH... LIKE A GAY LORD!

Grubba: BUT HOW CAN THAT BE? HE WHOOPED ALL OF THE OTHER FIGHTERS IN RECORD SPEED! HE DID IT FASTER THEN YOU'R 1 WEEK RECORD IN 9 HOURS! SOOO... WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT?!

Rawk Hawk grabbed the microphone and held it up to his buttcheecks and sharted... I mean, farted really loudly causing a seismic laugh track louder than any laugh track even on Seinfeld happened.

Rawk Hawk: THATS WHAT I THINK OF HIM! AND B. , JUST BECAUSE THAT FART CAME OUT OF MY ASS, DOES NOT MEAN I AM GAY! CAUSE YOU KNOW, IT WASN'T A DICK OR NOTHIN! NOW SHUT UP SO THE AUDIENCE CAN STARE AT MY SUBLIME GLORYNESS!

Grubba: HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A SPECIAL KIND OF FIRE ABREWIN HERE! FOR THE REST OF YOU GLORY HOLE GUYS AND GALS, WE HAVE THE KILLING MACHINE, THE HELLBENDER! UNMATCHED BY HEAVEN AND EARTH, THE GOD SLAYER HIMSELF! THE GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

The camera panned to the door where they would normally pop out of... but didn't... If you wanna know why they haven't shown up, then scroll up a few pages and find out stupid!

Grubba: GONZALES!

Still no door open.

Grubba: Uhh... Gonzales?

Still yet no door open.

Grubba: WHAT A WEASEL! WHAT THE HELL IS TAKIN HIM SO LONG!?

Rawk Hawk: WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU DISQUALIFY HIS GAY ASS WHEN- I MEAN, IF HE DONT SHOW UP!?

Grubba: Hmmm... LET'S GIVE HIM 5 MINUTES! WHAT DO YOU SAY AUDIENCE?!

Half of the audience cheered to this idea since you know, it's kind of worth the wait for most of the Gonzales fans.

Meanwhile back in the dark locker room,

Mario kept trying to slam the door opened on the other side.

Mario: DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT! THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! BULL SHIT!

Goombella: You're not going to open the door by slamming into it a this rate.

Mario: Fine... Your right.

Mario calmly grabbed Goombella with another plan of his own.

Goombella: HEY!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ME!?

Mario: CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

Mario tried to use Goombella as a log to slam the door opened. Also unsuccessful.

Goombella: OWW!

Mario: Damnit! Flurrie! Your turn!

Flurrie also tried slamming herself into the door. This also failed. Although, she did enjoy that experience oddly enough.

Koops: Guys! I got the splinter out! But I think I swallowed it while trying to suck it out of my thumb!

Mario: Good for you. Now stop being lazy and FUCKING GET US OUT OF HERE!

Koops: Well uhh...

Yoshi: AY Look! I found this peach poster!

Mario: Why does that matter right now!? We're trying to get the fuck out of here before we get disqualified!

Yoshi: I know. While you guyses is figurin dat shit out, i'm just gonna be playin around! Like, look, i'm touchin' her vajayjay! I'm touch her va- WHAT THE FUCK!?

Yoshi poked his figure through the vadgelly area of Peach in the poster. It led to a hole reaching to the bathroom.

Goombella: Is that some kind of path way out of here!?

Mario: Yoshi! Rip that shit up!

Yoshi: Dayamn. Fo real? Welp. Aight.

Yoshi tore the poster up unveiling the bathroom and all it's fine glory!

Koops: Look! There it is! The bathroom!

Flurrie: Hooray!

Koops and Flurrie grabbed hands and started bouncing together in joy.

Goombella: What the hell will a bathroom do? We're still locked in here you know!

Mario: Well... Not necessarily. You see, this bathroom clearly has a toilet. Which works as a warp pipe. So you know what that means?

Goombella: Well wait... hold on a second. None of us can fit through the toilet. That would just be silly.

Mario: I used to be a fucking plumber. I think I know how to work my way around a toilet or 2.

Flurrie: Ooooo... I like the sound of that.

Koops: Uhh... Weren't you saying Nintendo abducted you to be 1 of their characters? How can you be a plumber while you were also a video game icon?

Mario: I'm a Nintendo character who is supposed to be a plumber. But then I get fired from the plumbing job!

Koops: Oh yeah! Like how I used to work as a McDonald's employee!

Mario: Yes Koops... Like how you used to be a- NOW COME ON! WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO CONVERSATE! LETS GO!

Mario suddenly got another email.

Goombella: It's from... Petuni, the Puni from the Great Tree of Might?

Yoo Hoo! Hai Mario remember me? xD I'm the Puni with the pink bulb from the Great Tree of Might! How are you? ;) I'm uhh... Bad. No, VERY bad! No! FUCKING TERRIBLE! :( Yeah... Bad news but liek, some time after when you guy's left, the tree just so happened to have gone up in flames. -.- So now we don't have a tree anymore. Wierd right!? :/ We've been spending alot of time looking for what could have caused it, but who knows right!? Now we all have to sleep in a burnt hole that used to be our tree... D:. But anyway, you should totally come back and play some more Stump Petuni with me some time! It's alot funner now! I promise! XD!i1! So! You must be going to fun pretty cool places I bet! I'm so jelly :O. You should take me with 1 of these days. I hope it won't be too awkward with me being 11 and you like, 40 or something. Welp. I gotta go hunt for more food out in the Boggly Woods, so ttyl! Bai!

- Petuni

Flurrie: Awww... How shweet.

Yoshi: Who dat?

Koops: Wowzers. Seems like she's doing pretty well and stuff!

Goombella: Her house got burnt down dude! I highly doubt it. I wonder who caused it? Maybe it was Robotnik!

Mario: Guys! This is all the time we could have spent making it to the Glory Hole so we won't get disqualified! LETS GO RETARDS!

Mario hopped down through the toilet.

Goombella: And how are we suppose to follow you in there?

Mario impatiently grabbed his team mates pulling then in through the warp pipe as well

On the other side of this, it led to the Blue Major League bathroom where the door was not locked from the outside. Unfortunately for team M, a horrible sight awaited them as a BIG ASS pile of all of the remaining living Glitzville fighters were all having a massive gay sex orgy in the bathroom. There was sweat, semen, and shame everywhere on every filthy corner. It was just so sloppy, smelly, and full of visually unpleasant friction as most of the fighters were getting anally plunged.

Mario: Ok good. We made it ou- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!?

Master Crash: HI GONZALES! YOU WANT IN ON THIS BOMBING ORGY!?

Cleftor: It's a secret ritual we every day while Rawk Hawk is having a big fight! Don't tell Grubba or any of them!

Chain Chomp 1: ARF ARF!

Goombella: OH MY GOD! IT SMELLS! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Koops: OH THE HUMANITY! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Yoshi: AWW THATS NASTAY! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Mario: YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK!? BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Mario: That is 3 out of 6 things I wish I could unsee.

Koops: Say. Why do you say it like that?

Mario: I have to! It's that fucked up!

Flurrie: Oh you guys are all just being sooo irrash right now... I'm just sad that I'm too woman to enjoy such a spectacular gallery of this chronic dickin.

Goombella: SAIS THE OBVIOUS GROSS PORN STAR! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Yoshi: CAN WE PLEASE GET OUR BLACK ASSES OUT OF HERE!? BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Goombella: SOUNDS GOOD! I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE PUKING FOR ANOTHER MINUTE! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Papa Baton Noir: Ayyy Gonzales do you want in on this jaggtastic pile we got her? It be of all kind of wet sloppyness like catchin some special kind of tuna up in these waters we got going on all over here! I be giving all these widdledannies some of them Louisiana Buttpunches I'd give to some of em boy scouts travelin up the swamps!

Mario: Fuck you asshole! We're trying to make it to our match on time.

Red Majikoopa: LOOK AT ME, I'M MASTERBATING WHILE I'M GETTING ASS FUCKED!

Koops: How are we suppost to get out of here?!

Mario: Guys... We actually... have to climb... over this gay sex mountain!

Goombella: Are you serious!? Fuck that! Just chuck me over! Thats WAY more redeeming!

Mario: Fine!

Mario chucked Goombella over the orgy mountain in which they were trying to get around. Flurrie then carried Mario and Koops while Yoshi was placed between her nasty breasts.

Goombella: That hurt! But at least we made it! Now lets hurry! We don't have much time left!

Flurrie: You guys go ahead! I must tend to this... *sniff* no... I can't... The perfect amount of penis is just … too sublime, I mussent allow my fowl clam to devour the magnificent festival of sausage before my eyes!

Mario: Great... Now come on!

Master Crash: BIYA MARIO! OUCH! MY BOMBING BUTT!

Just as the team was about to burst through the door,

Koops: Hey guys! Before we go in, wanna hear my favorite joke?

Every1 else: NO!

Koops: Oh ok.

Mario: Alright guys. There's only 2 words I care about right now; Kick, and Ass. That's all you'll need to remember for this match right now. NOW LETS DO IT!

Chapture 4 - 19: BAWK BLAWK CAWK CLAWK CRAWK DAWK FAWK FLAWK GLAWK HAWK JAWK KAWK KNAWK LAWK MAWK RAWK SAWK STAWK TAWK WAWK uhh... I ran out.

Grubba: LOOKS LIKE THEY ONLY HAVE 10 SECONDS TILL THEY SHOW UP. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO LETS SEE... NOW WE GOT 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

The big ass doors suddenly slammed open with Mario and all of his team mates behind him. The Speakers Blasted the next track on the Dethalbum 1; Dethharmonic by Dethklok.

Mario: NOT SO FUCKING FAST!

Rawk Hawk: WHAT THE FAWK!?

Grubba: WELL HOW BOUT THAT! PEOPLE OF ALL 100,000,000 OF TODAY'S MADE UP GENDERS! HERE WE HAVE THEM! THE GREAT GONZALES AND HIS SCUM FUCKS!

All of the Gonzales/ Mario fans started cheering and not beating eachother up for 1ce as the Team of Degenerates walked up on stage.

Mario: Liston here Cawk Knawker! You think you can win by locking us in a locker room!? Well guess what? Even if your plan worked, I would have just registered for another match soon after to kick your ass inevitably! You stupid fucking Conery mother fucker!

Yoshi: He ain't no conery nigga! He a damn turkey!

Rawk Hawk: OH PLEASE! I DIDN'T DO SHIT! YOU JUST WANTED TO HAVE GAY SEX IN THE LOCKER ROOM WITH ALL THE OTHER FIGHTERS YOU GAY LORD!

Flurrie: Well! Sometimes we can't always get what we want you know!

Mario: Stop it Flurrie! They penalize people for seeming gay!

Grubba: WHAT!? IS THIS TRUE GONZALES!?

Mario: FUCK NO! RAWK HAWK JUST IMAGINED ALL OF THAT BECAUSE ALL HE EVER DOES IS ASSUME THAT PEOPLE HAVE GAY SEX! WANNA KNOW WHY!? BECAUSE GAY SEX IS ALL HE THINKS ABOUT BECAUSE IT TURNS HIM ON!

The audience suddenly started booing at Rawk Hawk.

Rawk Hawk: WHAT!? HEHEHE *starts to sweat* NO! NOT TRUE! HE JUST WISHES I WAS GAY! THE ONLY THING I HAVE IN MY HEAD GOING ON, IS A BRAIN TUMOR THAT MAKES ME THINK I'M JOHN CENA!

Mario: CORRECTION, YOU WISH THAT I WISH THAT YOU WISH THAT I'M GAY!

Rawk Hawk: NUH UH MAN! THEN HOW COME IM SUCH A GOOD FIGHTER!?

Mario: HERES WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOUR FIGHTING CAREER!

Mario raised his right arm fisting in the air as he bent over and pulled down his overalls to moon Rawk Hawk. Along with this, all of the audience members that worshipped Gonzales/ Mario on Mario's end also mooned Rawk Hawk epically in unison with Mario

Rawk Hawk: HEY! WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS YOU FUCKING HOMO!?

Rawk Hawk noticed he had a small boner popping out of his speedo that he had to immediately and awkwardly cover by crossing his legs.

Rawk Hawk: OOOOO MAN! WELP! IF YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME, YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!

Mario: Enough talk! It's time for me to transform!

Mario bit off a metal part of his glove, which turned out to be part of a Goku Uniform from Kill La Kill Mario had been secretly wearing that was stylized to his liking just for this moment.

Don't Lose your Way by The Xcellence started blasting as a fanservicey montage of Mario started to commence in the EXACT same way that happens to Ryuko in Kill La Kill. I shit you not. It would have been sexy if this wasn't fucking Mario doing this.

1st his man boobs locked in,

Then his ass,

Then his crotch at that angle where you can see his hairy poorly cleaned butt from the front anyway.

Koops: OH GOD! WHY!? BLEEEEERG!

Seriously, you have to watch this transition in the anime to know exactly what I'm talking about.

Mario's transformation was finally complete following Mario giving Rawk Hawk an epic pissed off stare.

Rawk Hawk: OWW! MY CAWK HURTS FROM NOT HAVING A WICKED BONER!

Mario: Let's just end this...

[BOSS BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 33/75

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 5/68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 6/10

V.S.

Rawk Hawk: Power Level 120

Battle Music: Hellion/ Electric Eye by Judas Priest

[TURN 1]

Rawk Hawk had his arms folded in an awkward position for this scene. You know which scene I'm talking about in the game.

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR HAR AHR AHR AHR! YOU DOOFUSES SHOULD HAVE STAYED LAWKED IN THE LAWKER ROOM AND ENJOYED THE GAY SEX! TOO BAD. NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO RAWK YOUR SAWKS OFF!

Goombella: My god. This guy is so annoying. Lets just fry his ass and then feed his ass to the poor or something.

Rawk Hawk: DON'T BE SO SURE THAT YOUR GONNA WIN, GET IT? CAUSE YOU WON'T YOU GAY PORN STAR LOOKING SISSY! HAR HAR HAR

Mario: Oh Hardy har har... You look like a failed attempt at an arts and crafts project made by a 9 year old with down syndrome who looks up to Hulk Hogan and Big Bird from Sesame Street! You reek of compensation disorder, and shame from your abusive father that accidently turned you into an autist from beating you with a bat too hard!

Rawk Hawk: OH YOU ARE SO DED BRUTHUH!

Goombella uses tattle: This is Rawk Hawk. Hes got a power level of 120. Now don't let that fool you. Hes got absolutely no defense, and his moves are about as strong as yours. He does have a sheer talent for aerial dynamics cause you know, he is a fucking bird after all!

Mario: Say it ain't so...

Mario uses hammer smash!

A kid suddenly pointed a laser pointer at Mario's eye defocusing his attack.

Mario: MY EYE!

Rawk Hawk: RAWK BLAWK!

Rawk Hawk Some how blawked the attack!

Rawk Hawk: YOUR MOVES ARE LIKE BUTTER! I CUT RIGHT THROUGH THEM!

Mario: ..wh- What?

Rawk Hawk: RAWK KNAWK!

Rawk Hawk did a Sonic the Hedgehog homing attack and assaulted Goombella and Mario in that order: [4 Damage]

Mario: OUCH! HIS MOVES ARE SO CHEESEY!

Yoshi: Dayamn! He fast in dat air!

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR! FEAR ME NOW?

Mario: No. No I do not. The 1st round is always a test round for me.

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses multi bonk on Rawk Hawk: [8 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: OUCH, FOR A GIRL, YOU SURE FIGHT LIKE A DYKE!

Goombella: YOU HAVE A 0 IQ!

Mario uses

Mario: FOR FUCK SAKES! WHO THE FUCK KEEP POINTING THAT LASER AT MY EYE!

Yoshi: Dat kid over there! Want me to kick his ass in!?

Mario: Nah! I got this. Give me a second.

Mario quickly ran over to beat the crap out of a little kid with the laser pointer he got from Walmart. Mario then shoved it up the kid's ass in a non pedophillic way.

Mario uses Power Smash on the Hawk with the big ... tawk, but small cawk: [6 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: HAY! I'M JUST GETTING WARMED UP MYSELF YOU HOOLAGINS! GET READY TO FEEL THE RAWK LAWK! LIKE A PAIN LIKE THIS!

Rawk Hawk briefly hovered in the air.

Rawk Hawk: PREPARE TO GET MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWKED!

Rawk Hawk in the air charged into Goombella dealing her a critical: [6 Damage]

Goombella: Jeez! Looks like this guy was holding back too!

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses double head bonk blast on Rawk Hawk: [6 Damage]

Rawk: YOU CARPET MUNCHING LESBO! YOUR A GIRL! WHICH MEANS YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE A FAGGOTY GAY PERSON FOR LIKING PENIS! WHICH IS WORSE THAN A GAY IN MY RAWK BAWK! I MEAN... BOOK! HAR HAR HAR!

Koops: Whoa! Her base attack is stronger than all of ours!

Yoshi: Yei! Like, the fuck!?

Flurrie: I wish my milk mash attack was that strong...

Goombella: Mario! His power level has dropped by a half so far! You got this!

Rawk Hawk: OH YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT!

Mario smoked a lightning blotto zapping Rawk Hawk right in the face: [5 Damage]

Mario: This is almost as good as fire weed!

Rawk Hawk: MAAAAN I SHOULD HAVE RAWKED YOU IN A MEAT LAWKER WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE! I WAS THE ULTIMATE JAWK IN HIGHSCHOOL! AND I INTEND TO KEEP IT THAT WAY!

Mario: STOP SAYING THINGS THAT RHYME WITH "AWK" YOU RETARDED CONERY!

Rawk Hawk: YOU WANT RETARDED? I'LL GIVE YOU RETARDED! FEAR THIS!

Rawk Hawk started bouncing on the ground like a pissed off toddler who didn't get to dress up as a pink power ranger for halloween. Suddenly, a big metal bar started to lower from the ceiling. When it got lowered just enough, Rawk Hawk did a super jump, and grabbed onto the giant bar.

Rawk Hawk: FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS FAWKING ULTIMATE RAWKIN MOVE! PREPARE TO GET RAWK GLAWKED!

Rawk Hawk started shaking it with his mighty arms, and suddenly, random some what sharp metal objects started falling and started landing on every1 and I mean every1. They all felt damage between 1 and 10 except for Koops who was fortunate enough to have a shell to hide in. [4 Damage on Mario (Danger)], [7 Damage on Goombella (Danger)], [4 Damage on Flurrie (Peril)], and [6 Damage on Yoshi (Danger)]

Rawk Hawk: YOU JUST GOT THE RAWK SMACK DOWN!

Mario: STOP CHANGING THE NAMES OF YOUR MOVES!

[TURN 4]

Mario: Okay. Hehe. So now we're using our best moves? *Spits blood out* Alright. WRATH STAR!

Battle Music: The Armorist by Overkill

Mario: LETS GO FUCK FACE!

Mario raised up the Star of Wrath and it immediately started to glow and grow and shit.

Rawk Hawk: WHAT!? A SILVER CHAMP BELT! STAR? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!? FROM BEING IN 2ND PLACE ALL YOUR LIFE!?

Mario: EVERY1! GET ON!

Mario, and all of his partners hopped on the dedly star. Soon enough, it conjured a massive earthquake in the Glory Hole causing Rawk Hawk to fall land right on his tailbone/ ass area. I had something like this happen to me 1ce. It's NOT fun! [6 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: OWW! MY BUTT! THAT HURT MY BUTT! YOU'LL WILL SUFFER FOR THAT GONZALES!

Goombella uses another double jump attack giving Rawk Hawk the same amount of damage Mario did with the star. Weird huh?: [6 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR! YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH! YOU THINK YOU'LL WIN? WELL GUESS WHAT!? YOUR PRETTY HEAVILY DAMAGED TOO! 1 HIT AND YOU'RE OUT! GET READY FOR 1 MORE RAWK LAWK FOR ALL THE LADIES OUT THERE!

Rawk Hawk: ALRIGHT LADES AND DJENTS! CHECK YOUR WATCHES AND TELL ME WHAT TIME IT IS!?

Audience: JUST DO THE FUCKING MOVE ALREADY!

Rawk Hawk: OH COME ON!? OH FINE! I'LL DO IT!

Rawk Hawk repeated his move where he hovers in the air and charges at Mario.

Goombella: OH NO! LOOK OUT MARIO!

Rawk Hawk: PREPARE TO GET ROYALLY RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWKED!

Mario: BIG MISTAKE!

Mario just at the right millisecond, elbow bashed the fuck out of Rawk Hawk cracking his beak making it all bloody and shit: [-1 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: OOOOOWWWW! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH! MY FAWKING BEAK FEELS LIKE IT'S ON FIRE IT'S BLEEDING SO BAD! AWW! I THINK YOU CRACKED IT YOU HOMO!

[TURN 5]

Mario: HAHAHA! THIS IS IT!

Mario intensely ripped off his own mustache ignoring the sheer pain it had on his upper lip. He held up his mustache with his arm out which transformed and grew into a huge sharp black Mario mustache shaped metal boomerang. Imagine an intense Gainax anime moment right here.

Mario: FINISHING MOVE!

MARIO: SUPER MARIO! BOOMERANG!

Rawk Hawk: UH UH UH UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mario chucked the powerful metal mustache boomerang at Rawk Hawk which slashed through him without cutting him in half like in Smash bros. This knawked him almost out cold: [10 Damage]

The Metal Mustache landed back into Mario's upper lip majically turning back into his regular mustache some how.

Mario leveled up to level 11 raising his HP to 30 bringing his Power Level up to 90!

[END OF THE FAWKING BATTLE]

Rawk Hawk: NOOOO! I... I LOST! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! LOOKS LIKE GRANDPAPPY WAS RIGHT! I'M ONLY GOOD FOR BUTT RAPE!

Goombella: Wow! How did you do that last move?

Mario: No idea. All I know is this. You owe me 1,000,000 coins!

Goombella: For beating Rawk Hawk? Dude, I never even agreed to that bet.

Mario: Fuck... You actually remembered correctly.

Grubba: HOLY SMOKES! TALK ABOUT A FINISHING MOVE RIGHT THERE! SO THERE WE HAVE IT! THE RAW POWER OF STEAL! THE ASS BLASTER! THE MAN WITH THE PLAN! THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND! THE HISTORY BOOK MAKER HIMSELF! I REALLY HAVE TO STOP CHANTING THESE CHEESY NAMES OUT LOUD! LADES AND BABES! OUR NEW GLORY HOLE CHAMPION EVERYBODY! THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT! 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Grubba: *Panting* Oh my god... That almost gave me a heart attack...

We are the Champions by Queen started blasting

Mario's partners all started to dance around him and picked him up in joy and celebration!

Goombella: WE DID IT MARIO! WE ACTUALLY FUCKING DID IT!

Koops: YAAAAY! WE WON WE WON!

Yoshi: YOU THE BADDEST MOTHA FUCKA I KNOW!

Flurrie: I FLURRIE WANT TO PARTAKE IN RAPE WITH YOU SOOO BAD!

Mario: Yeah yeah... now we can focus on figuring out where the real dedly fucking star is now.

Grubba: ...

While this celebration was occurring, all of the Rawk Hawk fans in the hied of the depression of their hero losing stripped off all their clothes naked, cried, and jump off of Glitzville. Families went as far as assisting their kids to jump off as well. It was Harold Camping's prediction all over again. At the same time, all of the Great Gonzales fans also stripped off their clothes, but instead of killing themselves, they all just partook in a celebratory fangasming orgy. This has been an extreme display of poor human behavior all at 1ce.

Chapture 4 - 20: BLAH BLAH BLAH OBVIOUS 420 JOKE BLAH BLAH BLAH LAST SUB-CHAPTURE BLAH BLAH BLAH ACTUAL FINAL BOSS OF THE CHAPTURE.

Jolene: Heres your priz-

Grubba: Hold up hold up hold up hold up hold up! Gonzales, I just wanna say, congrats man, you boosted our revenue by 5,000% in 1 night! You saved us, you saved EFPN, and your a true star! And a powerful warrior! Perhaps too powerful... Hyuk hyuk hyuk!

Mario: ... Okay.

Grubba: We're selling all kinds of crazy Gonzales merchandise! Here! Want a Gonzales action figure? We have a string attached to the back that recites your quotes! Kids love it! See, look!

Grubba pulled out a poorly made Mario- I mean, Gonzales action figure where it recites quotes like "I WILL KILL YOU AND NO 1 WILL FEEL BAD "SHUT UP KOOPS" and "YOU LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT" and "BATHE IN MY TAINT JUICE!" and "FUCK COLDPLAY!" You get the idea.

Mario: Dont... please don't ever show me that ugly thing again...

Yoshi: Can I get 1 of those out of me?

Grubba: Sure you can! But enough of my babbling, here you go! I forgot to give this to you to raise up to the audience but that's alright.

Grubba handed Mario the champion's belt with the fake Star of Greed on it.

Koops: Uhh... yeah. Why did you give us that fake star?

Goombella: KOOPS! SHUT UP!

Koops: Oh... Whoopies... hehe.

Mario: My god i'm gonna smack you so hard right now.

Grubba: WHAT!? HAHAHAH... NONSENSE... OF COURSE IT'S THE REAL STAR! THE STAR OF GLORY I SAY!

Koops: Well, you saw us use the actual dedly stars in battle right? I'm just saying tha-

Grubba: WHAT YOUR SAYING is that you're tired, and you want sleep. After all. It is late, and we closed the Glory Hole for the evening. So don't try reserving any more matches now cause even if it worked, you'll only face Rawk Hawk; the new rank 1! Get it?! Cause you're the sidekick with the champion; Gonzales! Heheheh... JOLENE! Be an apple bottom and show them Gonzales boys to their champion's room eh?

Jolene: Yessir... Is... everything alright?

Grubba: DON'T! ... worry about it. I think... *panting* I think I just need some cocaine to calm my nerves a little. Say, why don't you meet me in my office and maybe we can do a victory dance. And DON'T BRING PANTS unless you want to lose your job. I intend to snort cocaine off your amazing ass crack.

Jolene: ... right...

Flurrie: Mmmmwow... What a way of living I dooo saaaay... Can I have a turn after you!?

Grubba: NO! It's private Flurrie's mom! Eham... Jolene! Chop chop! Paste makes waste!

Jolene: Understood. Mr. Gonzales. Come with me.

The Team of M then proceeded to follow Jolene to the Champion's room.

Koops: So...uuhhhh... Excuse, uhh... me Jolene, but uhh... Why do you let Grubba... I don't know... treat you like that? Like, do you like,... like it?

Jolene: I'm fine... I mean... I'm just doing my job. That's all.

Koops: But yeah, but like, ... I don't know, he doesn't seem like a good person. Especially not to you.

Goombella: I don't usually like being helpful to other females, but like... can't you like, I don't know, press sexual harassment charges on him? He like, totally deserves it!

Jolene: He's... got an arsenal or lawyers that can take me down in a heartbeat if he even knew I had the impulse to.

Yoshi: Dayamn. That be cray cray! Wait, what we talkin bout again?

Koops: Wait, like, what kind of hold does he have on you?

Jolene: It's... He doesn't have any hold on me... . Look, just trust me, there isn't any reasonable way I can explain everything right now. All I can say is that... *sigh* I just have to keep working for him. That's all. No business of yours.

Mario: Good, cause I can honestly give 2 shits less.

Jolene: ... Welp... here's your new room. Right here.

Jolene opened the door causing an almost toxic aroma of Rawk Hawk body spray that was really axe body spray to escape from the Champion's room. Every1 including Flurrie were coughing alot and had to cover their noses like holy hell.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! COUGH COUGH COUGH! I FORGOT ABOUT THIS SMELL!

Goombella: COUGH COUGH! AWWW! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE SMELL!?

Koops: COUGH COUGH! IM GONNA DIE! COUGH COUGH!1

Jolene: Welp, here is your new room. All to yourselves. All the luxury you will ever need. before I leave, do you have any questions?

Flurrie: I Flurrie am not COUGH COUGH fond if this unpleasant, toxic aroma!

Yoshi: YEI! FIX IT BEFORE WE ALL DIE!

Yoshi pulled off his diaper speedo thing and covered his nose in it.

Jolene: I'd like to, but you all just have to put up with it for just a little while. Sounds good?

Mario: NOOO! FUCK YOU!

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be going!

Mario: COUGH COUGH! AWW MAN! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS ROOM! ITS FUCKING AUSCHWITZ IN HERE! YOU HEAR ME!? AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSHWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITZ!

Yoshi: AH HEEL NAW! I THINK DAT JOLENE BITCH SET US UP IN SOME KIND OF GAS CHAMBER TO HOLOCAUST OUR ASSES!

Mario: THAT'S WHY I CALLED THIS FUCKING PLACE AUSCHWITZ!

Goombella: TRY SMASHING THE DOOR! THE BODY SPRAY IS STINGING MY EYES LIKE CRAZY!

Mario: GOOD IDEA!

Mario kept trying to smash the door opened. Unfortunately, this tactic was not working as this was indeed quite the powerful door since you know, it is the champion's room and all!

Koops: WAIT! I GOT IT! TRY OPENING THE DOOR!

Mario: FINE! I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE!

Mario and the rest of the party were attempting to open the door while failing to do so in a ridiculous way. I mean, they tried pulling it opened when it was clearly a push door. I guess the body spray fumes got into their thinking neurons somehow.

Flurrie: LOOK! LETS ESCAPE THROUGH THE VENT GUYS!

Mario: GOOD IDEA!

Flurrie picked up Mario and the rest of the partners up by the vent high up in the room where Mario took his hammer and he smashed that vent like no tomorrow!

Koops: WERE FREE! WERE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! QUICKLY EVERY1! RUN!

They then all ran into the ventilation system where they can finally breath in non spray tan some how.

Every1: *panting*

Mario: That! Was fucking close!

Koops: Yeah! ... wait, you guy's think Jolene was up to something?

Goombella: Who knows, I have the feeling it was just Rawk Hawk uhh... killing his own brain cells... let's just focus on finding the Dedly Star so we can get out of this floating internment camp!

Mario: Well said.

Yoshi: Man I gotta say though... What if the star is like, I don't know, under the bed and shit?

Goombella: Were not taking our chances and finding out the hard way!

Mario got another text sound.

Goombella: Okay. This better be the 1 that gives us our answers we need!

aNoNyMoUs: |=!/\/|) 7#3 6#057 !/\/ 7#3 \/3/\/7!147!0/\/ 5'/573/\/\ !/\/ 7#3 (#4/\/\|2!0/\/'5 |?00/\/\!

Goombella: Wait, what ghost? W'ERE ALREADY IN HERE!

Koops: Wait, so... I WAS RIGHT! HAHAHA! OH MAN! I really hope it's those shadow girls!

Yoshi: Wait, then if der are ghosts, how come we ain't seein none?

Goombella: Don't be stupid. You can't see ghosts!

Yoshi: You just proved my point bitch!

Mario: Well ghosts usually turn out like boos so.

Flurrie farted.

Mario: Flurrie! Don't. Not now.

Flurrie: I'm just trying to refresh ourselves from that awful smell earlier.

Voice: ... . . . ... .

Goombella: Shut up! Wait a sec... you hear that? What's going on in the other side of the room? Mario let's find out shall we?

Team M crawled through the vent like spies and overheard Grubba's voice.

Grubba: HYUK HYUK HYUK CUCK! Man... that was close. Ain't no 1 getting mah star in here. I need to watch my tootsies around these parts. Man... the day where I have to sneak around my own city...King K and Bandy Andy were dangerously close today. I'm amazed I was nice enough to find a way for them to stay alive this time, but barely. At least I got their powers savered. That Jolene... she's definitely on to me... when I snort some coke off her butt crack, I'm gonna stick a dart so hard in there that she passes out. A real 1 that is. Cause I sure can't keep her around. And that Gonzales turtle! He was really stirring the pot of chili. He and the rest of them Gonzales boy I think are gonna have to kick the bucket. It's sad when amazing fighters have to end this way. Then he took out that Rawk Hawk clown out there... wooo... He might even be too strong for me to handle in this shape... For my sake, I need to keep this case tighter than a jar of meth at an addict's convention. Hmmm... But how do I put a bitter end to this Gonzales wop...?

Mario: DID HE JUST CALL ME A WOP!?

Mario smashed the vent open on Grubba's office's end.

Mario: IF YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, SAY IT TO MY FACE BITCH!

Grubba: GREAT SCOTT! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?

Mario: THE VENT, YOU FAT FUCK!

Yoshi: AND WE HEARD YO ASS! WE HEARD IT AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!

Goombella: WE KNOW YOU HAVE THE STAR, SO COUGH IT UP! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO KICK YOUR ASS!

Koops: DO IT!

Flurrie: OR ELSE!?

Koops and Flurrie did an embarrassing arm folding pose to imply dominance.

Grubba: OH MAN! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M TALKING TO MYSELF OUT LOUD ABOUT MY DIABOLICAL SECRETS!

Grubba grabbed his walkie talkie: JOLENE! CANCEL THAT BUTT COCAINE APPOINTMENT! I GOTTA SCRAMBLE! AND I AIN'T TALKIN ABOUT EGGS NEITHER!

Grubba: Uhhh uh... uhhh... FUCK THIS! IM OUT! SKIDDILY DIDDILY BOP!

Grubba ran off like a pussy running from a Poodle thinking it's vicious.

Yoshi: AFTER DAT PURPLE ASSED NIGGA!

They all busted through the door after the fat purple assed clubba.

Mario: GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID FUCK!

Grubba: *Panting* ALMOST THERE!

Yoshi: WE GOTTA RUN FASTER SO WE CAN BEAT HIS ASS

Grubba reached the door to the Glory Hole sucessfully while Team M quickly followed and did the same. By the time the barely functional team made it to the Glory Hole room, Grubba alone was already on stage. There was no crowd, and the big ass monitor was doing that scratchy black and white fuzzy thing that old TVs used to do.

Grubba: Hot diddly! I gotta say, You guys shouldn't have done here chased me, hyuk hyuk hyuk. This is what y'allz is gonna get for acting like a pack of hound dogs sniffing in my truffle! Now you all have to suffer them consequences for interrogating me and my business.

Mario: And what in the fuck makes you think you have a chance against your strongest fighter!?

Goombella: Yeah! Come on. Like, your power level has to be like, maybe 60. Face it, you're a washed up scumbag who's like, WAY past his prime!

Grubba: That's why I have this machine!

Grubba stuck his finger down his throat, and bulimicly puked out a remote with a big red button.

Grubba: YOU THINK I CALL THIS DOJO THE GLORY HOLE CAUSE I THOUGHT IT'D BE FUNNY!? BEHOLD!

Grubba pressed the button causing 9 of the tiles he was under and around him to elevate downwards.

Yoshi: I'm goin after him!

Goombella: Wait! That might not be such a good idea.

Yoshi: Man whatever.

A Giant penis shaped machine that oddly resembled a Mario Kart Gold Cup Trophy arose through the actual gigantic Glory Hole on the stage containing the real Star of Greed hovering above it.

Koops: LOOKY! It's the star!

Grubba: I don't suppose this was the star yallz were lookin for this whole time was it? I found this star 1 day from brutally raping a jewish leprechaun! Uhhh... A FEMALE 1! YEAH! I raped him... her so hard, that I stole the pot of gold with the Star of Greed in it. And I got all that gold which got me the moolah I needed to create Glitzville!

Koops: I thought you said you got money from being a famous wrestler?

Grubba: You think being a famous wrestler will make you enough money to rule over a floating city and it's fossil fuels? Hyuk! Ya right! Pot of Gold baby!

Goombella: Uhh... yeah... Okay i'm sorry. I have to point out a bit of a random minor plot hole that's been bothering me. How come when we fought the Armored Saints the 2nd time, they fell through the floor, and off the island. How can a machine like that fit under there when there's no physical space for it? I mean, that just makes absolutely no sense?

Grubba: That doesn't matter. It's not like you know how this machine works!

Goombella: It DOES matter! That's a huge ass plot hole to the story!

Grubba: Look, I have no time for your squabbling. Check this dodadday out! INITIATE! HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUSCLE-UP!

Grubba started flexing in a way where he looked like he was severely constipated some how causing the machine with the Greed Star in it to activate its power and caused Grubba to grow 10 times his normal size while being super buff as fuck. He turned Orange, and grew Super Saiyan hair despite the hair not making him any stronger. He became, Macho Man Grubba Savage! Too soon? Welp. Everything on his body grew. Except for his penis. Which... actually shrunk from the steroid like procedure.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! DAT GRUBBA FUCKA GOT ALL BIG ASS BIG ALL DA SUDDEN!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I AM PUMPED UP WITH ALL KINDS OF POWER! CHECK IT! I USED THIS STAR TO KEEP MY FINE OL' BOD' YOUNG AND PHRESH! SO PHRESH, I CAN DESTROY YOUR ASS WITH SOME SMOOOOOOOOOOTH SLAM ATTACKS!

Koops: Keep your fine ol' bod young? I don't get it.

Flurrie: I do... Talk about some majical cosmetics I do say so myself.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: NOT ONLY WILL I USE MY NEWLY EQUIPPED ENERGY FROM SOME OF THEM FIGHTERS FROM TODAY AND UNLEASH MY BEATINGS ONTO YOU! BUT WITH TEAM M'S ENERGY, I'LL BE STRONGER THAN GOD!

Mario: Thanks for the compliment, but why is any this necessary? I mean, the machine, the power stealing, the diabolical plans to secretly be stronger than every1 else? I mean, you're rich as hell. what purpose does any of this new stuff serve?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I BECOME STRONGER! THATS ALL!

Mario: Yeah but if you're gonna become stronger in secret, then what's the point? You're just narcissistically boosting your ego to impress yourself. And it's not even your own strength neither. It's BULLSHIT! Just like you!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WELL... OKAY FINE. I HAVE AN IDEA. I'LL BECOME SO STRONG, THAT NOT EVEN THE WORLD'S MILITARY FORCES CAN TAKE ME ON. I'LL BE AN UNSTOPPABLE RULER ON THIS POST APOCALYPTIC PLANET DRIVEN BY ME. AND I WILL BE ALL POWERFUL AS HUMANITY FALLS TO THEIR KNEES OVER MY FINE ASS! AS EACH DAY COMMENCES, I WILL GROW STRONGER AND STRONGER! EVENTUALLY, I WILL BE SO BIG AND STRONG, THAT I WILL...UHH…... PUNCH, PLANET EARTH! HYUK HYUK HYUK HYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKK!

Mario: Well... yeah, but your already powerful enough as it is.. Your a fucking millionaire. Maybe even a billionaire! You own a floating city dedicated to your name. You're basically a 2nd Donald Trump at this rate.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I DON'T CARE! THE GOAL IN ALL LIFE IS TO BECOME STRONGER AND STRONGER EACH DAY! BY DOING SO, I'LL BE THE ALL POWERFUL DEMIGOD OF MY DREAMS!

Mario: So... basically, you're just hell bent on being power hungry I take it? Meh. I've heard less retarded evil plans...

Macho Grubba: STOP BELITTLING MY PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION!

[THE REAL BOSS BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 90

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Battle Music: The Toxic Waltz by Exodus

Macho Man Grubba Savage: Power Level 180

[TURN 1]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACHO MAN GRUBBA SAVAGE!

Mario: That's ... that's not really gonna be your new name, is it?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: READ THE DAMN STORY! YOU SEE MY NAME ON THE LEFT OF THE COLONS RIGHT!?

Mario face palmed.

Mario: *sigh* I don't think you don't realize how hard it was to block that out of my mind before you said that. Let's just start this already. GOOMBELLA!

Goombella uses tattle: This is Macho... I can't believe he renamed himself to that... Uhh yeah... Hes got a power level of 180. What's weird, is that this boss has no defense, but has an attack power of 4 and HP of 60! And he has a buttload of moves kind of like Rawk Hawk only with 2ice the power level. So... look out.

Mario starts off this turn with a metal hammer smash on Grubba's foot: [4 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OWW! I got a move of my own! Its called... CHEATING!

Macho Man Grubba Savage boosted an ability to do 2 attacks in 1 move.

Goombella: So... he can boost his attacks? Shit. The book never said anything about that.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: NOW WE EACH HAVE 2 MOVES PER TURN!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses the charge attack for the 1st time boosting her power level to 85.

Mario drank the Hawaiian Power Punch to boost his shit up to 120.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: HYUK! NOW YALL ARE COPYING ME!? HYUK HYUK HYUK! WATCH THIS. JUST A FAIR WARNING! BACK IN THE DAY, I HAD SO MANY ASS-FUCKING MOVES, THAT SOME OF EM HAD TO MADE ILLEGAL,

Goombella: You mean like the 2 turns bullshit power up?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WITNESS A POWER LIKE THIS!

Grubba did a dance where he boosted up his attack power with an xtra 3 boosting his power level to 252/270.

Macho Man Grubba Savage ran back and punched Goombella in the face: [7 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I LOVE HITTING WOMEN! YIKKI! I'M MAAAACHO MAN GRUBBA SAVAGE! YOU WONT BEAT ME! CAUSE IM THE REAL CHAMP AMONG ANY FIGHTER YOU'VE EVER FACED! YOU PESTERING PIECES OF PRICK PUBES! I'M ROUGH, TOUGH, AND HOTTER THAN HILLARY DUFF! JUST LOOK AT ME!

Goombella: Oww... my face. This guy talks way too much...

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WHO NEEDS A PENIS WHEN I GOT BIG MUSCLES!

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses her awesome multibonk attack dealing a great deal of [18 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: HOW'D I GET THAT KIND OF BEATING FROM A TINY GOOMBA BITCH!?

Mario: Cause your a fucking retard!

Mario does the same as Goombella and power bounced the Macho Mistake of a character: [17 Damage]

Mario: Just so you know, you look like the fat steroid abusing pissed off twin brother of Jar Jar Binks that got outshined by him. The ugly sight of you gives me a reason to fear ass cancer!

Koops: But I love Jar Jar Binks!

Mario: I'll whoop your ass next after this for saying that!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... MAYBE I DID UNDERESTIMATE YOUR MOVES! WELP, JUST TO MAKE SURE THIS DONE HERE DON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, IMMA GET ALL ELECTRIC NOW!

Macho Man Grubba Savage statically electrified his skin making him untouchable for 3 turns!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: TRY TOUCHING ME NOW BITCHES! IT'LL BE LIKE A MOTH ON 1 OF EM ZAPPING LIGHTS! OH YEAH! I ALMOST FORGOT!

Macho Man Grubba Savage grew 2ice his own size as he boosted his defense by 3. Also boosting his power level by 293/675

[TURN 4]

Goombella: Welp... I hate to say this, but I think I've done all that I can. Koops! You in!

Koops: Oh boy! Im gonna do him 1 good.

Goombella: Let's hope so.

Goombella tapped out and switched with Koops.

Mario uses a smash on Grubba's stomach doing a lame amount of: [1 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: DON'T BE SO SURE THAT YOU HAVE ME IN A LOOP! CAUSE I GOT THIS ALL UNDER CONTROL! CHECK THIS OUT!

Macho Man Grubba Savage did a surprise jump move on Koops: [6 Damage]

Macho Man Super Asshole did another jump attack on Koops briefly sitting on him putting him in a big ass danger mode [7 Damage]. This dented his shell in pressing on his lungs.

Koops: AAAHAHHHHH! I CANT GET UP! I CANT *Coughs blood* GET UP!

Mario: DAMNIT! NOT AGAIN!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I HOPE YOU REALIZE! I'VE WATCHED ALL 23 OF YOUR FIGHTS! I KNOW ALL YOUR WEAKNESSES! WHATS A MATTER? WANNA LEAVE NOW!? WELL HA! THE DOORS LOCK AUTOMATICALLY WHEN I ACTIVATE THE MACHINE! SO YOU ARE S.O.L.. IF YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

[TURN 5]

Mario: Shit... This guy is cutting through my team mates like no problem. I can't keep letting this shit go on.

Koops: SHUCKS MARIO! I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO ATTACK HIM! IM SORRY IM SO FUCKING LAME!

Mario: Yes Koops. Yes you clearly are. Flurrie! Get your gross ass out of here!

Flurrie! My my! Looks like I'm up.

Mario switches out Koops for Flurrie.

Mario: Don't get too excited. Feed me more Hawaiian Punch so we don't die!

Flurrie: Yessir!

Flurrie uses Hawaiian Power Punch on Mario to increase his strength back to 120.

Mario: I hope you have a way to counter this power up Grubba.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OH I DO! BUT I GOTTA REBOOT MY 2 TURN TAKING PERFECT ASS SO I CAN BLAST YOU SOME!

Macho Man Grubba Savage re-amped his 2x turn move.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OWW! MY HEART! OWW!

Macho Man Grubba Savage started rolling around all over the place in agonizing pain as he started having a heart attack!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OWW! *COUGHS BLOOD* OOOOO! THIS CAN'T ….. BE!

Mario: HAHA! LOOK EVERY1! GRUBBA'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK! WE'LL WIN THIS FOR SURE NOW!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OH *COUGH* WAIT A SEC! I JUST REALIZED! THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!

Mario: Pfft... Dont you think you've been bullshitting us enough today?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WELL… WITH THIS FORM, I NO LONGER NEED A HEART IN ORDER TO SURVIVE! WITNESS THE EVER LASTING POWER OF CHOMPOOOOOOOOOOOOO GRUBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Macho Man Grubba Savage did another constipation vibration thing while having a drug induced heart attack where the entire Glitzville started shaking.

Mario: No... fucking... way...

Meanwhile outside of the Glory Hole.

Master Crash: WHAT THE BOMB IS GOING ON HERE!?

Koopinator: IS THIS THING GONNA CRASH!?

Cleftor: SOME1 DO SOMETHING TO STOP THIS RACKET!

Rawk Hawk: I'M GAY ALRIGHT!?

Jolene: Is this... really happening? I hope hes not doing what I think he is...

Cleftor: WHAT DO WE DO JOLENE!?

Jolene: ... EVERY1! GET BACK IN YOUR LOCKER ROOMS FOR SAFETY! I'LL FIGURE OUT HOW TO UNLOCK THESE DOORS!

Outside of the entire building, that Chain Chomp ornament in front of the building started to majically hover, and smash through the ceiling.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: YES YEEEEEEESSSSSSS! COME TO ME STONE CHAIN CHOMP! BE 1 WITH ME!?

Goombella: NO WAY! IS HE SERIOUS!?

Koops; HE'S NOT TALKING ABOUT THE CHAIN CHOMP ON THE FRONT OF THE DOJO IS H-

Battle Music: Blacklist by Exodus

The Giant Stone Chain Chomp crashed and majically fused with Grubba turning him into; CHOMPO GRUBBA! His skin turned black and made of stone. His face took the form of a chain chomp and it looked fucking terrifying. His defense got boosted to 10 putting him at a power level of 360/1080. The other power ups minus the 2 turns move became dismissed.

Yoshi: DAMN! THAT SHITS FRIGHTENING!

Flurrie: What a sheer display of becoming 1 with a funny object that you indeed possess...

Chompo Grubba: HYUK HYUK HYUK! IM FUSED WITH THE CHAIN CHOMP THAT WAS IN FRONT OF MY DOJO! NOW YOU TRULY DON'T STAND A LICK OF A CHANCE!

Mario: How?

[TURN 6]

Yoshi: Ay Mario, can't you transform too? Like, do dat Kill La Kill shit again!

Mario: I can't! That was a 1 time deal. Besides, it's not like it made me any stronger. I'm not in the right series to use Life Fibers, or Spiral Energy, or Chakra or any of that! Basically FP is our only version of that!

Flurrie: Mmmm... Maybe we can use more FP then...

Flurrie uses the item swap on the super shroom turning it into super vadgelly.

Mario chugged that Super Vadgelly Syrup regenerating all that FP back to normal.

Chompo Grubba boosts his attack with an xtra 3 again and chomped Flurrie: [7 Damage]

Flurrie: Please... I can bite better than that any time, anywhere!

[TURN 7]

Chompo Grubba: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF PENETRATING THROUGH MY ARMOR LIKE BODY NOW!

Mario: Sure I don't Mr. I'vebeenstudyingyourmovestheentiretime! Watch this!

Mario raised up the Star of Wrath.

Mario: Now to use my power of HOW MUCH YOU PISS ME OFF YOU FAT REDNECK GROSS SOUNDING ASSHOLE!

The star did it's usual thing, and grew big as hell. All of the partner's got on it for dramatic effect, and to not experience the attack. But Chompo Grubba sure did: [6 Damage]

Chompo Grubba: OWW! THAT... ACTUALLY STUNG! WELP, YOU GOT NO CHANCE AGAINST THE LIKES OF ME! YOU CAN ONLY USE THAT 1CE PER BATTLE SO LOOKS LIKE YOUR SHIT OUT OF LUCK! AGAIN!

Flurrie: ... Hmmmm... It appears that I am indeed stumped on how I can combat this disfigured beast... I'm afraid that I'm out. Yoshi. Now it's your turn.

Yoshi: Sheeeeeeeeeeit! Finally!

Flurrie traded spaces with Yoshi.

Chompo Grubba: REMEMBER! THE MATCHES AREN'T OVER UNTIL I SAY SO! YOU KNOW THAT FROM ALL THEM MATCHES YOU DON' HERE FACED WITH ME AS THE REF! AND LUCK WILL ALWAYS SHINE ON CHOMPO GRUBBA!

Chompo Grubba boosted his attack by 3 raising his attack up to 10. Power Level: 504/2160

Mario: I can't wait to get my hands on that star!

Chompo Grubba: NO YOU DON'T!

Chompo Grubba did a backflip that savagely landed on Yoshi full force. He had enough strength to block it but even that wasn't enough: [9 Damage]

Yoshi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mario: NOOO!

Goombella; YOSHI!

[TURN 8]

Mario ran to the near ded Yoshi.

Yoshi: Uggg... *coughs a little blood* I cant... Uhh... Im think im... im ... pretty much ded...

Mario: OH FUCK! No Yoshi! You can't die. You'll live! You have to!

Yoshi: Ugg... Sorry. Great G. It's... up to yooo...do it fo... do it for the nigg...as...

Yoshi passed out on the floor with his tongue out.

Koops: Is he...?

Goombella: Yoshi... no...

Flurrie: Poor Yoshi... He was just born today too...

Chompo Grubba: HYUK HYUK HYUK! NOW YOUR PARTNERS ARE STRAIGHT UP DED! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF WINNING THIS NOW! GO AHEAD! TRY SWITCHING YOUR PARTNERS OUT! YOU'LL WASTE A TURN DOING IT! AND I'LL ONLY KILL THEM TOO!

Mario: *Sniff*...Yoshi...*panting* Damn you…. No 1 fucks with Team M and lives to TELL ABOUT IT!

Mario charges his attack up by 2 increasing his power level to 150.

Chompo Grubba: SO... HYUK HYUK... YOU'RE PLAYING THE POWER UP GAME A 2ND TIME!? HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED ANYTHING!? I CAN BOOST MY ATTACK 2ICE IS FAST AS YOU CAN! JUST WATCH!

Chomp Grubba 1ce more boosted up his attack by another 3. Power level 630/2700

Chompo Grubba bit Mario almost cutting him in half. Luckily he was too pissed off to die: [13 Damage]

[TURN 9]

Goombella: This guy is ridiculously powerful! Do something! Anything!

Mario charged up again boosting his power level up to 102/180

Goombella: NOO! Mario! That was a weak strategy!

Mario: I DON'T CARE!

Chompo Grubba: THIS IS GETTING PATHETIC FAST! ALTHOUGH I DO HAVE TO ADMIT! YOU ARE POWERING UP ENOUGH TO DO ANOTHER HIT OF DAMAGE ON ME YET AGAIN!

Chompo Grubba powered up his defense up to 13: Power Level 788/3375

Chompo Grubba: THERE WE GO! IM UNSTOPPABLE NOW! AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, THESE CHARGE UPS DON'T GO AWAY! IN OTHER WORDS, THEY'RE SET IN STONE! GET IT!? HYUK HYUK HYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK!

Chompo Grubba: YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST GONNA TOY WITH YOU SINCE YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH DED MEAT ALREADY! EAT THIS!

Chompo Grubba decked Mario hard in the face creating the most dedly punch any1 has ever faced in this series so far: [13 Damage]

[TURN 10]

The Bloody leader got back up on his feet.

Mario: Hehehehe.. PERFECT!

Mario pulled out his hammer which turned blue, sharp, and crystal like, and immediately dug it right through Grubba's heart area with a surprise piercing blow: [12 Damage]

Chompo Grubba: WH... WHAT THE...

Mario: YOU FORGOT ABOUT MY PIERCING BLOW BITCH!

Chompo Grubba: HYUK HYUK! WELL…. LIKE IT OR NOT, YOU JUST WASTED YOUR LAST MOVE! AND I'M STILL STANDING! WHO NEEDS A HEART WHEN YOU GOT BIG! ASS! MUSCLES!

Mario: NOW YOSHI!

Yoshi quickly got up and did a gulp attack on Chompo Grubba and spat him out on the floor unable to move: [5 Damage]

Yoshi: PSYCH BITCH!

Grubba reverted back to his original form.

Grubba: THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!?

[END OF THE REAL BOSS BATTLE MODE]

Grubba: This... wasn't supposed to end like this... I wanted to get stronger... and this is the thanks I get..?... Shame...

the heavily wounded black eyed Mario walked up to Grubba, and stepped on his chest causing him to cough up blood and some of his guts.

Mario: Had enough?

Grubba: Cough cough... I cant believe it... I lost... I got so powerful. only for it to all go away. How could this happen?

Mario: Pfftt... Let this be a permanent message to never underestimate Team M ever again.

Grubba: May God... have mercy on your soul!

Mario: God? *spits blood out* God died the day I came out of my mother's cunt.

And so, Mario pressed his foot down through Grubba's chest and crushed his cocaine filled heart flat. Grubba puked up a Dio from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure's amount of blood all over Mario and died. Another boss ded! YAAAAY!

Mario: Well that's finally over with. Good thing Yoshi had that plan.

Goombella: Wait, you mean that thing where he got back up? When the hell did you have that plan established!?

Mario: I kind of figured. I mean, Yoshi does have 10 HP after all. And Grubba took out 9 so it was kind of obvious.

Goombella: But you teared up a little bit.

Mario: No I didn't. I was acting so I can trick Grubba.

Yoshi: Yei! Gonzales dont cry bitch!

Goombella: Well... alright then…

Mario: Hey Koops?

Koops: Yeah?

Mario decked Koops hard in the face.

Koops: OWW! What did I do now!?

Mario: Thats what you get for making Jar Jar Binks your favorite Star Wars character. You should know better than that you fool.

Koops: Aww shucks. I guess you're right.

The doors suddenly opened.

Jolene: Gonzales!

Jolene: No... Your Mario. I knew you were Mario. I played your games as a kid...

Koops: Look! Its Jolene!

Mario: Great... Now you're gonna try arresting me for killing Grubba...

Jolene: Actually, I must offer my earnest thanks for defeating that sick pervert... I couldn't stand him anymore... let alone ever. Its amazing what so much sexual harassment can do to your mind... I let so much of that drive me crazy, that I just... I just kind of lost sight of who I was... I knew you were a childhood hero of mine. And I still treated you like crap especially in the 1st part of the chapture... You must have hated my guts... *sniff*... And I love Mario games too...

Mario: Now what's going on?

Jolene: I'm also sorry for putting you in that position in the 2nd part of the story where I tricked you into doing all those errands. I'm aNoNyMoUs by the way...

Flurrie: So you mean that was not some spooky spectacular ghost? It was just you?

Jolene: Thats correct... My brother... He was the original champion when Glitzville started back in 1989. Hes name is Mush. He went by Prince Mush as his stage name. He was the best brother any1 can ask for. He would do literally anything for me. Things I probably shouldn't mention even. hehe... Our family was poor as dirt. Our mom was 1000 pounds who would have to work a job as an acre for a cruise, and our dad was a toothless crack whore that fucked squirrels... That didn't make us alot of money though... I couldn't work at the time, cause I have a really severe case of Crohn's disease... I never really like talking about it with people... Like Grubba, he also preformed in alot of street fights. But unlike Grubba, Mush was doing it to help pay for our living conditions. Eventually, my dad died from ODing on crack, and my mom died from drowning from 1 of her shifts. So by that point, we were all that we had. My medication was getting too expensive. 1 day, we heard that the famous Grubba was lifting his city in the sky, and my 15 year old brother went as far as being the champion from the TRY OUTS! 1 day, I just never heard of him. He just went missing, I was suspicious cause I never got any memo that he was ded so I knew something was up. With enough money to afford my medication for my disease, I decided to get a job here as an intern so I can look more into what was going on and hopefully find my brother. I saw Grubba test his machine 1 day and he mentioned using Mush's energy from when he talks to himself. Thankfully he never caught me, but I've been walking on eggshells trying to find a way to save or avenge him. I was almost ready to give up actually. I guess around the time you beat the Armored Saints the 1st time, I woke up, and realized your potential, and mine. Remembering who you are gave me some hope in myself, and yourself cause you never lose. You just keep going. I guess that's what I admire about you from the games up. So basically, long story short, I secretly had to guide you to do some tasks so I can get closer to the truth.

Yoshi: Damn... So I guess you ain't so much of a bitch after all. You just fucked up!

Koops: So wait? How did you know we were looking for the star?

Goombella: Yeah. I don't even know how or where you could possibly have been when our team would talk about it.

Jolene: Remember the waitress in Jamba Juice? I had to go as another identity as her for therapeutic reasons under all that sexual harassment. It's too complicated to go into details.

Goombella: So let's see, that explains...wait, let me look at Mario's phone.

Goombella grabbed his phone from his ass pocket.

Goombella: Before I read these, how did you find Mario's number?

Jolene: I'm kind of a nerd. I know how to find famous people's phone number. Mario was easy since he's been doxed alot.

Mario: Doxed? What's that?

Jolene: Oh nothing...

Goombella: So. the 1st 2 emails make sense. You got Mario a stronger hammer. The 3rd 1! You basically... wanted us to catch you having anal sex?

Jolene: I had to make it seem like I wasn't aNoNyMoUs at the time.

Goombella: Isn't that a little extreme…?

Jolene: I had to do it I guess. Plus it's... kind of a kink of mine... having people walk in on me. Don't know why though.

Flurrie: I concur indeed. That's part of why I do porn deerie.

Goombella: Uhh... Okay... Then the 4th, 5th, and 6th 1s were to go to the telephone booth where we found a storage key, and snuck in on a conversation with you, and go to the attic.

Jolene: I wanted to give you a chance to sneak up on Grubba and his plan to see if that would give you some hints. They weren't as strong as I thought they'd be so that 1 was kind of a malfunction. The Securitim clones destabilizing gave you a good shot at it.

Goombella: Then the next 3 were to destroy the posters and go to the storage room.

Jolene: To save the minor league fighters that were trapped. I also saw Grubba doing some shit with them and wanted to save them. And the ghost thing was a thing I made up to go stop Grubba from stealing more fighters and so I won't get cocaine all over my ass for him to snort.

Goombella: You have a strange way of doing things.

Mario: Yeah! That champion room was toxic as fuck so we had to get out of there some how.

Jolene: Oh hehe... That 1's on Rawk Hawk. I've wanted to fix that problem for liability reasons myself.

Suddenly the machine started glowing with the star in it.

Yoshi: THE FUCKS GOING ON!?

The Star of Greed majically farted out the blue robed pink hatted male blonde toad identical to Jolene; Prince Mush (Age 30) (Even though he's physically 20.)

Prince Mush: Whats... going on?

Yoshi: WHO DAT!?

Jolene: M... Mu... .MUSH!

Mush: JOLENE!

The 2 toad siblings ran towards each other and briefly started passionately making out.

Koops: Say... can siblings do that?

Mario: Yes Koops. It's called incest.

Koops: ... Huh... I kind of wish I had a sister now.

Jolene: I missed you SOOOOO MUCH!

Jolene kept hugging him and cried on his shoulder.

Flurrie: Mmmmm... How sweet...

Prince Mush: Heh. I missed you too sis...

Jolene: So, what was like? In that star?

Prince Mush: I... Can't really say. I guess it's like being in a cryogenic state where you're basically frozen. I remember fighting Macho Man Grubba Savage who had tried abducting me. I lost, and here I am. What year is it?

Jolene: 2004.

Prince Mush: HOLY DAMN! No wonder why you look like you've aged a little.

Jolene: Yeah. Hehe... I couldn't have done it alone. Here's Mario believe it not! Remember how you got me into the arcade games? And How we saved up for an NES? Thats the guy from the games!

Prince Mush: Holy shit! Mario saved me!? This is unbelievable!

Prince Mush: Mario! Great to meet you! Your the 1 who inspired me to become a fighter.

Mario: And you make out with your sister!

Prince Mush: Oh that I do!

Mario: Is that why you both have a southern accent?

Prince Mush: Hehe... Good 1.

Mario: ... You actually... know how to respond to my bullshit…? Wow. Good for you! Seriously. That's not sarcasm.

Jolene: I just can't believe this is finally over!

Flurrie: Hey guys! I got the Star of Greed now!

Goombella: YES! HAZA! WE DID IT!

Jolene: Yep. Just like what we agreed to in the emails. It's better in your hands. Clearly you've been collecting them. Knowing Mario, you guys are on some kind of mission where you're collecting them and using them to fight off some evil force. Bowser I assume?

Mario: Naw. This time it's these X-Nazi guys.

Prince Mush: You all are fighting people other than Bowser? Man I have been gone for awhile huh?

Jolene: Yeah... And besides. It's better we don't have this star anywhere near this place anymore. So nothing like this will ever happen again.

Koops: Cool! So that means we have 3 Stars now! Wrath, Envy, and Greed! Each with their own story! And 4 more crazy stories to come I bet!

Goombella: Say... Didn't Grubba say there were more fighters in there?

Jolene: Yeah... who knows. I'm pretty happy my brother's still alive to be honest.

Mario: Yeah... It's good that we... whoa... my hands... I think i'm... FUCK FUCK FUCK!... I'M A POTATO GUYS! RUN! IM A FUCKING POTATO!?

Yoshi: Jeez Gonzales! The fuck you doin!?

Mario: OLOLOLOLOLOLLL! THIS IS MY POTATO CRY EVERY1! WOEFBNSDIJSBGJOSKGFBSEIFBSEJGKSDFSBDFGSKJHGB SDIFSBGJSKBDFHSDFBSRGKSBJK1!11

Koops: Wowzers! Why is acting all crazy like that all the sudden!?

Mario: I HAVE POTATO POWERS EVERY1!

Mario started taking off his clothes and bashing his face on the wall.

Mario: I WANT MASHED POTATOES FOR DINNER! I MUST! SMASH MY! FACE! FOR! DINNER!

Goombella: Shit! You what that is!? That's the Earth LSD kicking in! HAHA! Hes fine. He just gets like that after the climax of the chapture.

Mario: I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A GOD DAMN POTATO!

Jolene: Hmmm... He did save my brother. And he is fucking Mario... Alright. We can let this slide... Hehe...

Mario: I AM POTATO MARIO!

Every1 else but Mario: HAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Mario: I'M GONNA CUT MY BODY UP SO I CAN MAKE SOME BIG ASS FRENCH FRIES!

Closing theme: Intro To Finale And Closing (2nd half) by Bruce Faulconer

Glitzville's darkest depts were 1ce dangerous and riddled with conspiracy... With Jolene's brain's and Mario's brons, they were able to save their business, save the fighters, save Prince Mush (who we are suddenly hearing about just now), and most importantly to the story, the 3rd Dedly Star! Grubba is ded, and he will never harm, drain energy, nor play with intern butts ever again. Seeing as though this star was able to capture fighter(s), what other powers to these Dedly Star things possess? And what else are the X-Naut's up to? Find out on the next exciting issue! As we BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE NEXT EXCITING CHAPTURE OF SUPER MARIO! AND THE A THOUSAND YEAR! DRAMAAAAAAAAA!

- To be continued

Credits:

Credits music playing: Wasted by the Circle Jerks.

Creator: IAMMASTER

Special thanks to Kaiimi, Nipplord, and various others.

No vibes were harmed in the making of this.

Based on a True Game

After Credits.

Goombella: So wait! Hang on! I have to break the 4th wall and talk to you all a little bit about the rankings of this shit. I know, some of you might get bored, and will probably ex out of the page you're reading this on. But is it me, or are the placements of the rankings like, TOTALLY off!? Like, let me get started.

Goombella: So if the rankings were accurate with the fighters, the score would look like this.

Champ: The Great Gonzales

MAJOR LEAGUES

1: The Armored Saints [19]

2: The Majikoopa Masterbaters [16]

3: Rawk Hawk [14.5]

4: The Spike Storm Troopers [13]

5: The Cunt Chompers [13]

6: The Koopinator [12.5]

7: Rth, Uind, and Phahyr [10.5]

8: The Punx of Rock [10]

9: Los Escándalos De Concha [10]

10: De Små Pigger [9]

minor leagues

11: Papa Bâton Noir [9]

12: The White-And-Dirty [5.5]

13: The Poker Faced Deth Machines [5]

14: The Kid Punching Koopas [5]

15: THE BOMBING PIECES OF BOMB [4.5]

16: The Pokey 3 Somes [4.5]

17: The Police [4]

18: XXxxmInd_bOgglErzxxXX [3]

19: The Ded Boners [1]

20: The Goomba Brahz [.5]

Goombella: I know, some of these rankings might not make the most sense. There are 2 factors that are not evident. 1 of them is when the fighters registered chronologically, and the fact that some of these fighting teams can't beat each other. For example, how can The Spike Storm Troopers beat The Poker Faced Deth Machines when their defense is way too high for them to attack? What about vise versa? It's not like they can reach the Lakitu on this team. Or how can The White-And-Dirty be higher than The Pokey 3 Somes since if they touch them, they get hurt and touching is their only set of moves they can use to fight. Yet they still have a higher rank in the revised ranks and in the actual ranks? I had to break this down in a more convenient way. A way where I simulated every hypothetical fight among this system. Even Rawk Hawk vs The Goomba Brahz. This is ranked by whoever scored the most victories among every hypothetical match. Which is why I placed numbers to the right of the names. There are some cases where some can beat others judging on who strikes 1st in the turns. Like if The Goomba Bros went 1st in fighting the Kid Punching Koopas, they would win cause the Koopas would be on their backs. But that's the only scenario where they would win out of all of the hypothetical fights. Which is why some of the numbers to the right have ".5s" in their scores. This system eliminates the biases of who joined chronologically, and the rock paper scissors factor that some of these fighters have in terms of dynamics. It's like comparing an evenly or close to evenly leveled Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle. Which would never work cause 1 would beat the other due to their elements. The Armored Saints of course would be in rank 1 due to them having INFINITE DEFENSE! And none of them have a Yoshi that can swallow 1 of them and spit them out so they can clash. I guess maybe they just like staying in rank 10 and the other higher 1s came before them.

Goombella: Hey where did everybody go?