Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! (Uncut Version)

by IAMMaster

A guilty pleasure designed to emotionally scar people who love Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. (This includes myself) The Master Has Spoken. Chapture 6: 100% IAM BACK!

8. Chapture 6: Key Screwed the Pirate (P2)

Disclaimers:

This content is a fan based parody of the Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door story. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for fun.

This story contains a variety of offensive content, profound language, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this, but if you still decide to, then please leave a comment about how offended you are, people will always get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind, then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

Viewers discretion is advised…

Enjoy.

Super Mario and the

Thousand Year Drama!

(Uncut Version)

Chapture 6:

The Key that Screwed the Pirate!

(PART 2)

Chapture 6 - 9: Day X

[Faptain's log. Stardate: June 2nd, 2004. 7:14 AM, 96 Degrees F it's hot as hell's balls outside!]

[Keelhaul Key]

Yoshi: Uhh dayamn... Where the fuck am I?

Yoshi looked around and noticed that he was at a beach-like area with jungle trees in the background. He also later noticed that every1 was scattered all over the place in random ways.

Goombella: Ugg... Where am I?

Yoshi: Ay! I just said that shit! Fuck you!

Goombella: Wait? WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!? And why are we on an island! Shit! I hope it's at least Keelhaul Key!

Suddenly They heard a strange noise nearby.

Goombella: Wait? You hear that?

Goombella and Yoshi found the strange noise, soon discovering that it was Koops with his head stuck in the sand trying to pull his head out.

Yoshi: hAHAAAAAA! LOOK AT DAT DUMB ASS BITCH BE PULLIN HIS HEAD OOUT OF THE SAND! Koops be stuck like a motha fucka!

Koops eventually pulled his head out.

Koops: Oh geez! Sand!? Oh hey guys! What happened last night?

Goombella: I'm not sure. We seem to be on some kind of island. Hoping this is Keelhaul Key. I wonder where every1 else is?

Vivian: Oh hey! I found you guys!

Goombella: Why did I ask that out loud..

Flavio: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Vivian: You all heard that noise right?

Goombella: Yeah! Let's go find where that noise came from!

The 4 partners scavenged to track down the noise to find Flavio on his knees weeping over the demolition of the ship.

Flavio: MY SHIP NOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS CAN'T BE! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! The reason why this can't be happening, is because I DON'T WANT IT TOOOOOO!

Morgan: Hey! How do you think I feel!? I enjoy laying down in the same spot all day and now it's totaled! Now I have to find some other comfy ass place to lay on this island.

Koops: Ay guys! What happened!

Thrift T.: Boat got crashed...

Flavio: DON'T REMIND ME! *SNiff* This still can't be soooo...

Flavio picked up 1 of the pieces of gold painted lumber and started making out with it passionately.

Pa-Patch: Maaaan stop acting like your ass be ownin' that ship.

Lord Crump: Yeah! That shit was a piece of shit! And not in a good way neither!

Flavio suddenly got a splinter on his lip from kissing it!

Flavio: OWW! IT WAS A FINE VESSEL! AS YOUR CAPTAIN! A DEMAND YOU ALL FIX IT FOR ME!

Dolphin Sex: Uhhhh...

Dikk Ed: Yeah... we kinda don't know how to fix a boat, bro.

Retard: I do!

Dikk Ed: No you don't, man!

Retard: But... I do!

Dikk Ed: No! No you fucking don't! Fuck you!

Retard: Uhhhhh... Oh yeah! Hehe… I forgot!

Flurrie: Well... if worse comes to worst... I can always serve as the new boat. I make for a fine vessel I do say...

Vivian: Oh hey. Flurrie's here!

Pa-Patch: Well even so. I think we actually be on the island we wanted to head our asses to in the 1st place!

Dolphin Sex: Let me taste the soil to make sure!

Dolphin Sex grabbed a handful of dirt and started tasting it!

Lord Crump: You can taste my soil if you'd like!

Dolphin Sex: Yup! There's no doubt about it! We just so happened to have landed on Keelhaul Key!

Koops: Okay! Cool then! I guess we can get the 5th star after all no problem then!

Goombella: Are you actually trusting that logic?

Pa-Patch: Yei... Except we don't know where dat Bobbery motha fucka be at! For all we know! His ass didn't make it to the island like us! And if there ain't no Bobbery, there ain't no way we gettin' back to shores! Yuh feel me!?

Lord Crump: Guys! If we're gonna be stuck on an island! We should do something like Lord of the Flies! But sexier!

Koops: Lord of the Flies being sexy...? What?

Lord Crump: Right!?

Vivian: Say... I notice Mario's gone too... Oh geez... I really hope they're both alright…

Suddenly, the ground started shaking where Mario used a tornado jump so powerful, he drilled his ass upward onto the surface.

Mario: I'm back, bitches! Who the hell do you think I am!?

Vivian: Mario you made it!

Vivian ran up to Mario and hugged him.

Goombella then kicked Vivian in the ass area knocking her on the sand!

Vivian: Oww!

Lord Crump: Hoho! That was kind of hot!

Goombella: What did I tell you about doing things with Mario?

Vivian: It was just a hug!

Mario: So… what did I miss?

Koops: We're on Keelhaul Key apparently!

Mario: No shit! So what happened to the boat? Did it crash or something?

Flavio: Yes! My boat has crashed and it's not funny!

Mario: HAHAHHAHA! YOU SERIOUS!? YEAH IT'S FUNNY! That boat was such a piece of shit!

Flavio: JI- JI- WELL, SIR! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THE S. is the FINEST vessel there ever was! THe reason why, is because she has served my pirate crew for 4 years! And she is painted out of gold! REAL GOLD!

Morgan: Oh pleeeeeeeeeease. It's about as real as my heterosexuality...

Flavio: Shut your pie hole!

Mario: Well so what? Big deal. Can't we just ride Flurrie back 1ce we get the star?

Flavio: AND TREASURE MAY I ADD!

Pa-Patch: Like I explained before. We ain't goin nowhere cuz we ain't got no Bobbery no more! I.E. His ass be gone!

Mario: Hehe... What? Are you saying we're actually gonna be stuck on this island for a while?

Pa-Patch: ... Yei.

Mario: ... F...F...FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Mario: You mean I have to be TRAPPED ON A DESERTED ISLAND WITH NOT JUST THE 5 IF YOU PARTNERS, THE YOU CUCK JUGGLER BUTT PIRATES AS WELL!?

Morgan: Oh it's noooot that bad...

Mario: Yes it is! Shut up!

Morgan: Don't you think you're overreacting?

Mario: NO I'M NOT OVERREACTING, SHIT STAIN! WE'RE STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND, AND WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO WAY OF GETTING THE FUCK OFF!

Yoshi was seen watching another DBZ episode on Koops' phone with full bars.

Goombella: Oh Shit…. I'm even checking my phone now, and it looks like we're not gonna be connected to the internet nor have any way to call anyone for help…

Koops: What if the next star gives us instant transmission to like teleport places?

Mario: WAIT! Vivian! You have teleportation powers! Can't you teleport to another part of the world and call for help or some shit!?

Vivian: Uhh... Yeah, but...

Mario: But what?

Vivian: *Blushes* Uhhh... Oh gosh... you see... It's... really...*gulp*... complicated...

Mario: HOW IS IT COMPLICATED!? JUST DO IT! JUST FUCKING DO IT! YOU'RE SISTERS CAN CLEARLY DO IT, SO CAN YOU, RIGHT!? YOU FOLLOWED THEM AROUND I REMEMBER!

Vivian: Well yeah... but I can't just ... desert you guys... I'd feel so terrible if I did!

Mario: So? You can come back if you want!

Vivian: But... Uhh... I need time not to overthink things right now...*deep breath* gosh... I'm so sorry...

Goombella: Youuu... fucking liar! She wants us to be stuck here! Infact, I bet you lured us to crash into that boat! Sirens were known for doing that in Greek Mythology, you know! And you're a shadow siren, so that's clearly even more evil!

Vivian: THAT WASN'T ME! It was some kind of blue flame thing! I couldn't put my finger on it! Besides, Beldam was responsible for that stuff!

Goombella: Are you fucking dense!? We all know you have fire summoning pyrokinesis powers!

Vivian: But those were BLUE FLAMES! BLUE FLAMES, THAT CAN TALK! MY FLAMES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ORANGE LIKE NORMAL FIRE! HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED!?

Goombella: Please! I bet you set this whole thing up so your X-Naut friends can take the last of the stars!

Koops: Wait? Don't we already have, like, most of them already?

Mario: My god you're ALL SO FUCKING USELESS! Great. Just fucking great. I'm stuck on an island with the worst possible cringing line up of characters including these... BUTT PIRATES!? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUES!? BUTT PIRATES!? WHAT ARE WE TRYING TO DO, GET RAPED TILL WE'RE ALL FULLY CRIPPLED!?

Flurrie: Yes...

Mario: NO! YOU'RE FUCKING SHIT STAINS FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN! YOU KNOW THAT!?

Flavio: It's not like you did anything to save us! The reason w-

Mario: I did my best! Also, fuck you! You look like a.

Koops: HE'S GONNA DO IT! HE'S GONNA BLOW!

Mario: You look like a genetically mutated Pokemon from another dimension that's more worthless than a Pidgey to fucking catch! Your gay ugly hair looks gay and ugly. Your face gives me eyeball cancer to look at. And your personality is so cringy, I bet it's plagued 1000000s of Nintendo fans into commiting suicide before they can finish the fucking game! I'm surprised Miyamoto wasn't sent to a mental institution after seeing your hideous cuck-ugly character design from whatever masochist would ever in their right mind pitch you as a shitty character!

Every1: *Gasp*

Koops: That was a slightly bigger 1!

Flavio: Mrrr! THAT'S IT! I FLAVIO, HAS NO CHOICE, BUT TO CHALLENGE YOU TO A BATTLE OF FISTICUFF-

Mario Roadhouse kicked Flavio into the woods thus knocking him out! And breaking a few trees. [1 Damage]

Mario: And was only me screwing up an action command to be lenient.

Lord Crump: Oh sweet! Thanks Mario! Now I can rape him more easily now that he's knocked out hehe yeah!

Lord Crump skipped like a little school girl towards Flavio's unconscious body. Singing a nursery rhyme like melody.

Lord Crump: I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR BUU-UUUTT! I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR BUU-UUUTT! I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR BUU-UUUTT! I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR BUU-UUUTT! I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR BUU-UUUTT! I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR BUU-UUUTT!

Flurrie: I'M GONNA SHIT MY CLIT SO FAR UP HIS MOUTH!

Flurrie Floated towards Flavio following Lord Crump.

Goombella: Okay shit... It's kind of hitting me now that if we don't find a way out of here, I'm not gonna be able to finish college and become an archeologist! CAN'T WE JUST USE FLURRIE AS A BOAT AND PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE NORTH IS!? LIKE, EVER NOTICE THAT THE SUN'S ON THE EAST SIDE AND MORNING AND WEST IN THE AFTERNOON!? CAN'T WE JUST TAKE NOTE OF THAT OR SOMETHING!?

Pa-Patch: Yei... Except we got night time to worry about.

Goombella: So!? What's so hard about going in a straight line!?

Pa-Patch: It ain't easy when we got waves slammin' our asses! We never know where we gonna be. Plus. Them blue flame monsters may come get us any time they want I bet. And I aint riskin' dat shit again.

Goombella: Well... But... Maybe if!... Ji- Ji... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! WE REALLY ARE STUCK AREN'T WE!?

Mario: Yeah yeah we fucking are!

Goombella: *Sniff* It's not fair... I just wanna graduate college already... I had this life plan and now it's OVER! GOD DAMNIT GOOMBELLA! NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU JUST DECIDED TO STAY IN TOWN THIS SUMMER INSTEAD OF GOING ON THIS SUPID FUCKING TRIP! I WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS! AND I WOULD NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH A BOAT LOAD OF DUMB IDIOTS RUINING MY SUMMER VACATION! MAYBE EXTRA CREDIT TO BOOST MY RESUME WASN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA AFTER ALL! STUPID STUPID STUPID!

Goombella kept banging her head on a coconut tree.

Koops: Aww shucks... I guess this means my relationship with Koopie Koo is officially over if I can't get out of here soon... Yep... Shucks...

Retard: Welp... so I guess that means we just have to set up a gay ol' butt pirate camp don't we.

Thriff T.: Yeah we do! We can make a shop and an inn out of the wood from the ship!

Flavio: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A BOAT!

Morgan: I call running the inn! I love laying down! I can even charge a little extra for people to lay in bed with ME!

Mario: Oh my fucking god. Are we really doing this fucking retard shit now!?

Retard: Yeah, dude!

Dikk Ed: I'm good at working with wood too, brah!

Vivian: Yeah! I can alway help with lightning up fires if need be!

Dolphin Sex: And I'll go find-fuck us some fish while I'm at it!

Koops: I guess I have to help too then... Goombella? You're good with architecture, right?

Goombella: No. Why would you guess that I am?

Koops: I don't know. I just figured you're an archeologist, so I figured they'd be similar.

Goombella: How?

Koops: Welp... You know... They just... kind of... sound alike... Plus you're smart and stuff.

Goombella: Aww... hmhmm.. Well thank you.

Mario: Well if you're all gonna pretend to be enthusiastic about playing with wood, and building a camp instead of focusing on finding the dedly star, I'm just gonna go to sleep and pretend that this entire story has just been 1 long nightmare the entire time. Welp. So long, losers! Thanks for nothing but trading on me!

Mario walked away angrily into the woods.

Pa-Patch: Ay where you goin'?!

Dikk Ed: Yeah! Help up with the camp, man!

Mario: I don't need to. I'm fucking Mario. Peace out.

Vivian: Aww... Poor guy... Maybe he just needs time to cool off a bit...

Goombella: Just shut up and let's get to work.

[Faptain's log. Stardate: June 2nd, 2004. 11:27 AM, 96 Degrees F it's hot as hell outside!]

The slightly more responsible members of Team M along with all but 2 of the Butt Pirate gang began building civilization onto this bitchin damn island.

Retard: This is gonna be the best dang village ever, guys! We even have food, booze, weed, and even women so we can fuck and repopulate too if we want. This is gonna be so amazing!

Pa-Patch: Hell yeah, man! These bitches are gonna be pumpin' out more babies than ChinaTown if yuh ask me!

Retard: That's mah plan too, brother!

Suddenly, a strange Blue Diglett-like creature with whiskers pops out of the ground all the sudden.

Pa-Patch: Ay Man!I think I heard of em' fuckers before! I think that be 1 of em animals that spawn out some kinda toasted bread roll ass thang if you hit it's fuckin' head and shit!

Whacka (Age 3): Meow.

Retard: seriously!? Makes no god damn sense, but that's fucking awesome! Perfect timing now that we need to collect some edible shit! So how do we get 1 of em'

Pa-Patch: Simple. WHCKA DAT SHIT!

In the spur of the moment, Pa-Patch instinctively grabbed Retard by the leg in an ever so heterosexual manner to use his body as a mallet to whack a mole that shit!

Retard: Ow!

Whacka: RAR!

As Whacka was rather irritated by getting smacked in the head, he escaped underground from them with a rewarding bread roll popping out of his head as if physics meant a damn!

Pa-Patch: Hell yeah, Motha Fucka! We got some food up in dis island and shit! Ain't none of our asses gon' be starvin now that's what's up!

Retard: Except 1 problem. I GOT CELIAC DISEASE!

Pa-Patch: Say Hwat?

Retard: You know. Celiac! The disease that causes gluten to create inflammation that damages the small intestine's lining leading to medical complications.

Pa-Patch: Fuck that shit! Beggars can't be choosers. Not when we're stuck on a deserted island and SHIET!

Retard: Aww man… Fuckin A!

Meanwhile, Goombella, Koops, and Dikk Ed finally finished collecting a bunch of wood, tinder, twigs, vines, and a bunch of cool jungly shit that helps build huts and shitty buildings like that.

Dikk Ed: Holy hell that was a fuck tone of work! Great job, team! Proud of you both!

Goombella: What do you mean "team" exactly!? Koops and I did all the actual work! Cutting shit up and taking down trees while you handled the heavy load of the 'fuck all' we needed!

Koops: Yeah! I did the tree knocking alright, and she did the jumping! On me while I do it!

Dikk Ed: Well, I like to think that the heart and soul of this operation would not have been possible if not for yours truly in the back inspiring and pushing you both to your limit!

Goombella: You rushed us and complained the whole time! You single handedly turned something that already was stressful and taxing, and multiplied it into a living nightmare!

Koops: On top of that, it's 96 degrees, and I feel like I'm sweating hotter than Bullet Bill Gates' taint prepping for his next Macrosoft device! Sorry. That heat outside might be getting into my neurodivergent Koops brain at the moment and making me sound like Mario. YOU GET THE POINT!

Goombella: Dude, you know you can like, take your hoodie off whenever, right!?

Koops: Thanks for the compliment, but I usually don't really feel comfortable being shirtless in public around people and stuff.

Goombella: Dude! It's not like you TOTALLY have never taken your pants off in front of me and the crew countless times before! Pretty much how I 1st met you!

Koops: Aww… Can't believe that was only 2 weeks ago.

Goombella: And you're telling me you've been wearing that hot sweaty crusty hoodie without a shirt underneath the entire time!?

Koops: Yeah, well it's not like I see you ever changing your clothes either! I doubt you can even change your clothes without any arms! I mean. How are your shirt and stuff not sweaty right now either!?

Goombella: 1st of all, I know how to take off my clothes, thank you! Funny enough 2, Goombas don't have sweat glands! Come to think of it, I'd think that since your species is supposed to derive from turtles, wouldn't it make more sense if you A, didn't sweat, and B, be warm blooded.

Koops Gee wizzer lizardss… You'd think! Talk about Nintendo at its finest, right!? Who the fuck knows.

Goombella: Seriously. So take off your shirt so you don't die from heat stroke or something!

Koops: NEVEEEEER!

Goombella: Take it off, NOW! You're acting crazy!

Koops: I'm not crazy, you're the 1 who's crazy! You're driving me crazy! Dumbass!

Goombella: That's it! RAAAAHHHH!

Goombellla in the heid of rage, lunged at Koops knocking each other on the ground as she hopped on top of him while trying to rip his shirt off with her teeth. They got into an unnecessary aggressive wrestling match. Much like Goombella, Koops as well tries ripping her clothes off as a knee jerk reaction over her trying to do it to him too. Eventually, they tuckered themselves out, proving no 1 to be successful as they tried catching their breath laying in the ground.

Suddenly, Vivian emerged from the ground.

Vivian: Hey guys! OH NO! Are you both alright!? What Happened!?

Koops: We're…. *panting* We're dying…. Need…. *panting* need….

Vivian: A hug!? Uhh… Okay! Not sure how that'll help but I can try!

Goombella: NEED WA- *panting* Water now! *panting* you dumb… *panting*… idiot!

Vivian: Water! Of course! I don't know why I couldn't see that at 1st! I just thought some kind of strange wild jungle monster attacked you both! I'll be back!

After continuously laying down catching their breath trying not to die from heat stroke, Vivian returned as she lifted a big ass pot of actual fresh water she found somewhere farther deep in the island. She splashed water on both their faces.

Goombella & Koops: WABFISLWLFBJSJANDBSBNSN *Catching Breath*

Goombella: Holy fuck! We're alive!

Koops: Wowii! That was the best drink of water I've ever had! Better than sex! No… CAKE!

Goombella: Wait… Where the hell did you find the water!? And where did the pots come from!?

Vivian: Found a small pool of fresh water nearby! Living on an island most of my life, I learned all kinds of cool things! Even carving pots out of dirt and heating them up with my fire powers and junk! Kinda takes me back to moments my sister Beldam would make me carve out crack pipes and bongs and stuff like that! Not that I'm proud of fueling her addictions, but happy I can get some pay off for it at times like these! Wait, why am I droning on about my sisters again?

Koops: Oh uhh no! Hehe. Sounds like getting to know each other stuff I guess.

Goombella: Yes! You do drone! Worse than what people say about my tattles! No 1 asks for your life story and you should be ashamed of yourself!

Koops: Hey uhh.. Shouldn't we be more thankful towards her? Since she did save our lives after all!

Goombella: Well now that you mention it, now I'm getting kinda anxious that maybe she found poisonous bacteria water to slowly corrode at our insides! That seems like the sneaky shit you shadow skanks would try pulling off!

Vivian: Oh no no no! I would never even think to do something like that! What could I even gain from that even!?

Koops: Yeah Goombz! I feel like she could very easily have set the boat on fire anytime during that whole journey if she really wanted to. You know, like on day 3 or 4 of that trip.

Goombella: Just seems like she wants to keep us alive for now to gather any intel on us she can.

Koops: Honestly, even if she wanted to, I don't really think there's anything about us that's all that interesting that the X Naut guys can use against us. Not saying Vivian, that you are spying! Hehe. I mean it doesn't make a whole bunch a' sense and all that stuff! It just feels like you're acting out over some personal problem you don't wanna talk about, Goombella. No offense!

Goombella: Fuck you … Whatever. Maybe it's not important right now. You better find some kind of way to make sure we don't have parasites impregnating us!

Koops: I'll do my best!

Vivian: I can help too just encase!

Goombella: Wait. So what ever happened to Dikk Ed!?

Koops: Oh Yeah! Guess that fuckzilla fuckface must've ran off knowing he did fuck all to help us!

Meanwhile at the camp,

Dikk Ed: Man Morgan, I hate this! This sucks horse fuck! I had to work so hard to gather materials for our fucking camp. Like wood, and vines, and neat shit! I just had to get stuck with a prissy Gommba bitch and a retarded looking Koopa! You can tell they never worked a day in their privileged lives! Even when I'd motivate them, they just bitched me out. So I lost my patience, beat the shit out of them, and left! Now I'm making them bring the wood and tree stuff back to teach them a lesson!

Morgan: Wow Dikk! Talk about tough love if you know what I'm saying. I've just been coming up with ideas of what I'm gonna make for my sexy inn hut! It's gonna be the best thing to happen to this jungle you can bet your buns on it! Best part is, I think it's so good, I think I'm gonna… hmm charge any1 a 10 coin fee if they wish to sleep here. Don't sell your ideas cheap, you know.

Dikk Ed: heh. That's pretty cool. Kinda greedy if you ask me. You're just gonna lay down doing fuck all as always and get paid to hang out by your hut?

Morgan: Hmhmhmm… Exactly. I'm THAT kinda butt pirate!

Suddenly, that Whacka re-appeared from the ground yet again.

Whacka: Meow.

Morgan: Ohhhh how cute! I've heard of these cute little critters how adorable! You think he's gay? Kinda hope he is!

Dikk Ed: Holy shit who gives a fuck! I'm getting myself a free bread roll now.

Dikk Ed found a random log and bashed Whacka on the head.

Whacka: Grrr….

Whacka disappears again, popping out another 25HP + 25FP regenerating bread roll.

Dikk Ed: Got a free bread roll!

Morgan: Geeeezzzz… That was a little rough, huh. Wonder the physics are inside those silly buns!?

Back to important characters

Goombella: Oh shit. KOOPS! We forgot the wood and trees we were gathering for material!

Koops: Oh fuck! You're right! AWWWW FUCKER BISCUITS!

Vivian: Hey! It's no worries! We can always go back, and bring them to camp. I know it's gonna be heavy, but with how high our power levels are,

Goombella: KOOPS! All you had to do was take your sweater off, none of this would have happened!

Koops: Wowzers! My fault!? I think you kinda forgot yourself too there!

Goombella: …Still! Why would you let yourself get heat stroke like that!? Now we got all distracted especially dealing with that Dikk Ed guy that now we gotta go back!

Koops: Ahh shucks! I don't why I always gotta get blamed for everything! This sucks!

Vivian: Gosh… As much as I hate seeing any1 get finger pointed at, I think I actually gotta agree with Goombella on this 1. You should really take better care of yourself when it gets hot out like this, Koops. We care about you!

Goombella: Thank you! Also, Fuck you!

Koops: Soo… guess we otta go back now, huh?

Goombella: Yeah. Just a pain in the ass is all. I hate carrying heavy shit…

Vivian: Oof. I can see that especially if you don't have arms… it's gotta be rough, but we're here for you!

Goombella: You're mocking me again, aren't you.

Off to another part of the island,

Lord Crump: I likes titties I like cunts, I like dicks in big fat butts. I likes titties I like cunts, I like dicks in big fat butts. This song's actually kinda catchy hehe yeah.

Flavio: Mrr… It's so unfair! Why are you making ME. Your captain fish with you! You're the subordinate, and not me!

Lord Crump: Well, think of it this way! I was gonna pin you down and fill you up with so much cum, that you'd be breastfeeding out your asshole for a week! Instead however, I decided to teach you how to go fish fucking instead! Just like daddy never taught you!

Flavio: Papa never needed to teach me any subordinate-like task! My upbringing you see, was rather aristocratic and never a need to rough my hands with such peasant work!

Lord Crump: BLAH BLAH BLAH! Before I, "Captain Crooked Penis" get too flaccid, I otta demonstrate to you some savvy life skills! Hope you don't suffer from memory repression disorder, cause this is a valid skill to have in life hehe yeah!

Flavio: Mrrr…

Lord Crump casually pulled down his pants rendering himself nekkid from the bottom down.

Lord Crump: Watch and learn, man of yellow! Don't worry, I'll be here to fill you with some Captain Crooked Cum by the end of this hehe yeah! That's a promise!

After about 15 minutes of Flavio being forced to wait around and watch CCP dip his number 7 shaped shlong in the ocean and twirl it around in there expecting results.

After 15 minutes of pointless cock fishing and birds chirping in the background,

Flavio: Mrr… MRrr….

Lord Crump: *Deep breath* Ah yess… Breath it all in… for you see, this truly is a man's world we're standing on!

A Sudden sharp sound appeared of a random Nibbles with sharp metal jaws snapping his crooked member clean off. It quickly swam back into the ocean.

Flavio: OH MY GOD! LORD CRUMP! YOUR PEE PEE! YOUR PEE PEE IS GONE!

Lord Crump: What are you talking about, buddy? My Pee Pee is just- Uh oh…

Lord Crump looked down noticing blood gushing from his pelvic region like a fire hose

Lord Crump: …. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY POOR PENGIIIIIIIIIISSSSSS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WEVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH GOOD AND EVEN BETTER TIMES TOGETHER I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GONE! IT MUSTVE HAPPENED WHILE I HAD THAT CATCHY SONG IN MY HEAD THAT I DIDNT EVEN SEE IT POP UP! AWW MAN! NOW HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE UP TO MY ALIACE BEING THAT OF CAPTAIN CROOKED PENIS!? ALL THESE THINGS IVE TOOKEN FOR GRANIT! NOW GONE! GONE FOREVEEEERRRR! NO MORE MASTERBATION! NO MORE BUTT FUCKING! NO MORE PENIS TWIRLING! NO MORE ELEPHANT CONTESTS! NOW I GOTTA FIGURE OUT NEW WAYS TO PEE AND STICK MY HAND DOWN MY PANTS WHILE I WATCH RE RUNS OF ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK WHILE STICKING MY HAND DOWN MY PANTS! WHY HAS THIS GOD FORSAKEN ME SOOOOOOOOOOOO!? WAAAAAAAGAHAHAHAGAAAA! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AAHASAAAAAAHHHHHHHHJJHHHHHHH! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CONTINUE LIVING FROM THIS POINT ON NOW!?

Flavio spinelessly left only thinking of his own selfish ass leaving Lord Crump to carelessly bleed out to deth. Bet he has no plan to involve the rest of the crew to seek medical help either. Some fucking Captain, right!?

Meanwhile, deeper into the jungle area of the island, Yoshi and Thriff T. search for items or anything they can kill, and cook over a fire.

Thriff T.: Found some Super Shrooms! And some Vagelly Syrup! Finally got some swag I can sell to help run my new business on this island! Think I'll call it… "The Keelhaul Galleria!" I've always wanted to run a beach shop on this island!

Yoshi: You fuckin serious, motha fucka!? You telling me that while we're tryin' to build up some survival camp and shit, that all you be thinking about is making a shop!? And charging people to survive!? That's fucking wack!

Thriff T.: Well, I don't see how that's any different than how we operate in modern day society!

Yoshi: Fuck that bullshit artist bullshit! Scammin' ass bitch! You ever watch 1 of em' survival shows!? Who the fuck finds resources and charges people for that shit!?

Thriff T.: Well, I'm about to!

Yoshi: No you ain't, bitch! That some bullshit if I've ever heard any in my 1 week old motha fuckin' life! What you even gon' be doin with those coins anyway!

Thriff T.: I don't know. Find a way to value it as currency on the island. Or have a little extra spending money if we ever hopefully get off.

Yoshi: We all be contributin' already to find the shit we are. Doubt any of our asses gon' be gettin' payed for that shit!

Thriff T.: Well that's because I'm smarter. Deal with it!

Suddenly, the greedy Toad stumbled upon a bag of fire weed he then collected to sell for his future shop.

Thriff T.: Look what I found!

Yoshi: Oh hell the fuck nah! Now you tryin' to be a dispensary and shit!?

Thriff T.: If it's weed, it will sell!

Yoshi: Bet yo ass you ain't got the proper licensing for that shit!

Thriff T.: You're Unlicensed. Shut up!

Yoshi: Fuck you! That's it! Imma start collecting more items then you and put yo ass otta business!

Thriff T.: What!?

Yoshi: Yei. Not even out of survival, but just out of some of dat spite and shit!

Suddenly another Whacka appeared out of the ground

Whacka: Meow.

Thriff T.: Heyoo! Jackpot! I had no idea these creatures live around these parts!

Yoshi: Oh Heeeeellll naaaaawwww! Not 1 of em' Whacka Flacka Fuckaz!

Yoshi quickly ground pounded it on its head as it dropped another majical bread roll.

Whacka: Rar!

Unfortunately for Yoshi, it ended up landing nearby Thriff T.

Thriff T.: Zing! Caught it!

Yoshi: You motha fucka!

The Whacka suddenly went back underground. In the spur of the moment, Yoshi ground pounded after him as a means to chase after him.

Yoshi: Imma kill this fucking thing right now!

Thriff T.: Holy shit! Black Yoshis be fuckin crazy up in here!

Thriff T. suddenly found a Nixon Mask, a bag of Ice cocaine, and a Sleepy sheep that unfortunately you can't eat, but however, you can hold up in the air encase you need your opponents to pass out in a [BATTLE MODE] or some shit. Also serves as rufilin.

Aight! Moving on!

[Faptain's log. Stardate: June 2nd, 2004. 4:50 PM, 96 Degrees F Still hot as hell outside!]

Back at the campground,

Flavio: It was absolutely devastating! So my subordinate; Lord Crump, and I were trying to look for fish to fill our bellies with. Sad to say…. He is no longer with us… THE REASON WHY he's no longer with us, is sadly due to his loyalty he has pledged to yours truly. He with noble resilience, sacrificed himself trying to catch a fiendish nibbles. Let his sacrifice not go in vain as we shall take this lesson in stride! Let this be a momentous tale of why you must listen to and regard yours truly as your captain!

Dikk Ed: Why!? So you can get us killed too!? Fuck that!

Morgan: Yeah…. No offense, but that sounds waaaayyyy too haaaard…

Flavio: Ji- I am Lord Flavio! And as your outstanding captain, it is my job to tell you all what to do! And as subordinates, it is your job to abide by my commands!

Pa-Patch: Maaan, you ain't commandin' no 1 with that bullshit under your belt.

Retard: Yeah! We literally own you!

Flavio: Why must you ninny's be so impudent against my commands!? Haven't I commanded enough respect from you peasants!?

Pa-Patch: Maann, when it comes to who Captain is, who ever strongest survives. And any 1 of us motha fuckas can easily take yo ass out of the curb single handedly n SHEEIT!

Flavio: That isn't fair I do say!

Morgan: Yeah… we like, basically keep you around encase we're ambushed, and if their captain asks who our captain is, all we need to do is point the finger at you and chances are, we'll all pretty much survive but you.

Flavio: How dare you, you … you…. Homosexual Nincompoop! Why don't you do something else for a change besides laying down!?

Morgan: Because it's comfy and I'm just that lazy, silly buns! I need a drink.

Koops, Goombella, and Vivian returned carrying a severed tree to the camp.

Koops: Holy smokes! Who woulda thought carrying this tree to the camp would be so easy!

Goombella: Well yeah! Like we were talking about earlier, we have crazy high power levels for our species! Carrying a tree is like nothing nowadays!

Vivian: Kind of a fun teamwork bonding exercise in a way! Happy no 1 got yelled at for a change!

Goombella: Yeah yeah… you keep trying to fit in, why don't you.

Vivian: Oh shit! I think we forgot the rest of the debris back by the shore!

Goombella: Ah fuck! Koops! I thought you had that under control!

Koops: Oh butter biscuits! I fucking forgot! I just don't feel right leaving heavy lifting type shit to 2 gals in the group! Feels not very manly, yuh know!

Goombella: Jeez, Koops… there's no need to stereotype us like that!

Vivian: Appreciate the gesture where you're coming from though!

Koops looks down awkwardly as he blushes while trying to look for beach glass.

Dikk Ed: See! Told you punks that you all lack discipline! Why are you even on this pirate crew anyway!?

Goombella: You shut up, Dick Head!

Dikk Ed: Hey! Not funny! Can't you see I was bullied throughout most of middle school being nicknamed that!?

Koops: Well shucks! Looks like I otta go back, and grab the debris, huh.

Vivian: I can go with you! Not a big deal. I think I actually forgot the big water jar too now that I think of it.

Goombella: This would be easier if Mario was around… where the fuck even is he!?

Flurrie: We're back, deeeeariiiiies!

Goombella: Good grief…

An algae coated Flurrie emerged at the campground smelling like ded fish. Just Flurrie and Dolphin Sex came back. Sorry.

Koops: Oh hey Flurrie. Where've you been?

Flurrie: Awwww lovely for you to care so dear… well you see, all those jokes of me functioning as a rather… sexy floatation device sure paid off… My delightfully deflated buzzum region served as a wandering stepping stool for our dolphin sex as we scavenged material from what used to be our boat!

Dolphin Sex: Yeah! Who woulda thunk we would have been so successful!

Retard: Wait, what did you find out there?

Goombella: And why didn't you just hover above the water instead!? Wouldn't that have been easier!?

Flurrie: it was a small price to pay in order to pursue an ocean fetish I do say…

Lord Crump: And how the flying fuck did you not get eaten by 1 of those Nibbles things!?

Morgan: Probably cuz they're too grossed out by her, hunny…

Flavio: Holy camoly! Crump! How are you alive!? I thought you bled to deth!

Lord Crump: I THOUGHT I WAS AS WELL! It just so happens that I, Captain Crooked Penis, with sheer resilience, found a hot glue gun I've been keeping up my ass for this very occasion! A little glue really does come a long way especially when it comes to preventing blood loss hehe yeah!

Flurrie: Ooooo…. What other doohickies may you perhaps be hiding inside there?

Lord Crump: Hey! A lady must keep secrets you know! That's right! My ass does in fact identify as a "she". Cause she's a very naughty bitch hehe yeah!

Morgan: Oh please…

Flavio: I Flavio, still do not take kindly to your foul language, Crump!

Thriff T.: Guys! Guys!

Dikk Ed: Holy shit! Thriff T. is back too. How'd the item search go!?

Thriff T.: Great! Found a bunch of good food, and drugs in the jungly part of the island! Now we have enough cool shit for me to run a shop!

Retard: That's awesome! Feels like our camp is really starting to come along!

Flurrie: Indubitably so I do indeed say… Say… where is our little Yoshi darling? I hope he didn't get eaten alive in too sexy of a manner…

Thriff T.: Uhh….. He ran off.

Pa-Patch: Aww hell the fuck naw. Guess we be going on a search party after his ass, huh.

Morgan: Ehh… that sounds like too much work. And I don't feel like getting up. Yep. Let's just say he's ded. So what were you able to find on the ship Dolphin Sex?

Suddenly, a covered in blood Yoshi emerged from the wilderness.

Flurrie: Oh joy! Look who's alive, safe and sound!

Yoshi: I'm back, bitches!

Flavio: Yoshi! What happened!?

Yoshi: Well…. You see….

[FLASHBACK MODE]

As the Whacka finally spawned up to the surface, Yoshi did as well by ground pounding upwards thus projecting himself at the blue ferret-like creature knocking him upwards making him land on the ground flat out of his hole.

Whacka: RAAAAARRRRE!

Yoshi: Hehhehee. Imma kill you, motha fucka!

Whacka: Ra roh

Just like that, Yoshi immediately lunged towards the helpless creature as he grabbed his neck in pure adrenaline. The Whacka then started vomiting several Whacka Bumps as he was being asphyxiated but the enraged Yoshi!

Yoshi: Imma make you our lunch, and shit!

As Yoshi kept jerking the things neck around, he suddenly caused its neck to snap, killing it 1ce and for all.

Yoshi: Heheheheelllll yeah! I'm collecting a bunch of these! For Team M's mouths only! Gonna barbecue some Whacka meat too while I'm at it! I make that Vivian bitch cook it, make Goombella tell me how to make a badass barbecue sauce for it, and make Koops make dat sauce! Can't wait to find more of them blue creatures!

Little did Yoshi know, he inadvertently slaughtered the last Whacka thus rendering that species extinct. FOREVER!

[END OF FLASHBACK]

Yoshi: You get the idea! Anyway, check out what I found!

Yoshi throws a ded blood covered Whacka on the ground.

Yoshi: Dinner!

Pa-Patch: Ah hell yeah! That blue motha fucka had it comin!

Morgan: Eww… Why did you do that!? That thing was so cute!

Yoshi: The fuck you mean "Why'd I do it!?" Thought we be makin' a survival camp up in this bitch! Y'all should be thankin' mah ass too on top of that! Unless this Thriff T. bitch tryin' to scam all our asses!

Thriff T.: Oh come on! What's wrong with making a shop at a time like this!?

Yoshi: Chargin' people coins in a survival situation!? That shit you be talkin' about be fucked up and down right stupid as shit at a time like this!

Morgan: Ohh it's not so bad! I'm doing a similar thing with my inn I'll be managing shortly.

Yoshi: THE FUCK!? That shits even more bullshit than I initially thunked! It's 1 thing to charge people coins for food and drugs and all those needs, but yo ass be chargin these motha fuckas to sleep!? Hell naw fuck dat shit!

Morgan: #SUPPORTSMALLBUUSENESSES

Yoshi: No fuck you Morgan you dumpy asshole! If that's the case, I best be sleeping on a rock outside or some shit. Am I the only 1 makin' sense here!?

Morgan: … Sooooo… like I was asking Dolphin Sex earlier, what did you end up finding?

Dolphin Sex: Don't get me started! So good news! Found a bunch of our Captain Morgan bottles still safe and sound!

Morgan: Oh really!? That's so wonderful to hear!

Dolphin Sex: I also found some of our browned/ used sex toys, a few fold up chairs, random bags of chips and Hostess type shit like that! Let's see… hamster tubes, a nail gun, a copy of Quest 64, a chain saw, a compass, a jungle knife oh shit these can all come in handy for us!

Lord Crump: Hey! Stop playing with that stuff! Can't you smell that they've slipped out of my ass! Come on! Just smell it! Yuh know you want to!

Flurrie: I'll smell it if you're ever so inclined…

Koops: We're back with the stuff I forgot! What we miss!?

Retard: Wait! When did you guys leave?

Goombella: Around the time Flurrie showed up. Usually a good indicator for when to leave for us.

Flurrie: Such a feisty use of words I do say…

Vivian: Looking back at it, I think we needed to make that 2nd trip anyway and make things go easier!

Yoshi: Well looks like gangs all here and shit! So wait a sec, any1 see Mario?

Pa-Patch: We still wondering the same about our Admiral Bobbery too! Where the hell he gone off to!?

Out of nowhere, a random kush bush monster appears out of nowhere walking ominously towards the troubled team and the rest of the crew.

Bush Monster (Age ?): REEEEEERRRRR GRAAAAARRRRRRHAR HAR HAR HAR HAAAARRRR!

Flavio: Holy ravioli! A scary bush monster! RUN!

Flavio suddenly shat himself before he attempted to run off and trip over a branch like a fucking loser.

Koops: Yikes! I was worried we were gonna run into 1 of these!

Yoshi: Ah Sheeeit! Looks like we got another monster on this island we gotta kill!

Goombella: Oh Shit! Not sure if it's on my tattle log…

The creepy bush monster continued to merge closer to everyone.

Bush Monster: RAAAAAARARARARARARARAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Vivian: Gee… may require some fire powers to fight this type of creature. Hope we don't really have to kill it.

Yoshi: Fuck yeah we smoke that thing down in shit!

Lord Crump: DAMN! IIF ONLY I STILL HAD MY PENIS EQUIPPED, I CAN EASILY FUCK THIS THING TO DETH HEHE YEAH!

Vivian: Alright! Guess maybe best to be on the safer side for the team and burn it alive! I'm gonna feel bad for doing this..

Bush Monster: WAIT! Hang on, hang on!

The bush monster began to rip itself in half

Koops: What do you think it's trying to do now, guys!?

Mario: ITS-A ME! MARIO!

Mario made his appearance tearing up the bush.

Team M Members: MARIO!

Goombella: Where the hell have you been!?

Koops: And why were you pretending to act like some kinda bush monster.

Mario: Well after getting the fuck off by you retards trying to build this whole camp ground shit and not looking for the star, I decided to wonder off. Had a classic Mario tantrum, smashed some trees, kill some minor enemies. Shit like that. I found this massive weed bush that kinda made me decide "fuck it". This is a good place to do nothing for a little while, get stoned, and jerk off a lot!

Goombella: So you just kinda did 'fuck all' while the rest of us were busy working our asses off building this camp site!

Morgan: You can say that again, hunny! Work is hard…

Mario: Well if it makes you feel better, take a close look at this bush!

Koops walked up to the remnants of the bush Mario was wearing for a good smell.

Koops: Holy smokes! It's bud!

Yoshi: Dayamn! This island be growing weed and shit!?

Pa-Patch: Hell yeah!

Flavio: Mrrr…. I still don't think you guys should smoke it! Don't you know the harm it can cause you knuckleheads!? The reason why it's so harmful for you and your brain is becau-

Pa-Patch: No 1 cares! You just shat yourself!

Flavio: MRRR…. MRRRRR…. Weed is bad for you, and should be illegal on this island… MERRRRR

Flavio marches away to contain his festering hissyfit.

Goombella: Guess you contributed something after all then.

Flurrie: Such a generous gesture indeed…

Flurrie floated up to Mario as an act of smooching him.

Mario: *BLEEEEEEERG!*

Goombella and Vivian: *BLEEEEEERG!*

Retard: Hey! Matching Puke!

Mario: FLURRIE! Why do you smell more like ded fish than usual!? Welp there goes my buzz…

Yoshi: Y'all still wanna barbecue this blue diglett looking motha fucka or what!?

Meanwhile, as most of Team M, and most of the crew finally began building up the camp. For the sake of this sub-chapture not dragging on waaaay longer than it already has, let's just have the huts and shit finally set up.

Mario's just casually chilling on a lawn chair smoking a dank ol' blunt and drinking a 750ml of Captain Morgan straight from the bottle. Eww. Kinda tastes like sugary bullcrap, but booze is booze to him, and to probably some of you. If you haven't figured it out by now, he's the type of degenerate who would drink anything in front of him. He also found a pair of sunglasses, and a Shine Sprite coated Hawaiian shirt that apparently wasn't his! Maybe some1 stole those from the Hawaiian Mafia like in Sunshine I think. Also, just those 2 things! Dick out, and everything!

Yoshi: Ah yo Koops! This Barbeque sauce be tastin' like dookie! The fucks up with that!?

Koops: Well gee wizz… Sorry about that i think. I can't seem to find any of the right ingredients to make a good sauce like sugar, and peppers, and shit like that ever since you stole my PHONE! Hehe. But yeah, I've just been crunching up leaves, and had to buy a jar from Thriff T.'s item shop and see what happens. That's all.

Yoshi: Maaan you suck at this! Guess I be eating this Whacka meat and shit sauceless and shit.

Koops: No 1 ever showed me how to cook anything!

Yoshi slapped Koops out of knee jerk familiarity.

Yoshi: Get the fuck otta here, and go play with yourself!

Koops: Fine! You always like to pick on me anyway!

Morgan: Hey, Dikk Ed. Check out Mario laying down on that lawn chair.

Dikk Ed: Yeah? What about it? You checking his cock out or something?

Morgan: Well of course I am, you silly goose! But is it me, or doesn't it seem like that these lawn chairs are gonna be … bad for my business?

Dikk Ed: I guess I can see that… sorta.

Morgan: Well, you see, if other characters are sleeping on those for free, then who's gonna wanna pay 20 coins to sleep in this lovely hut you guys built for me?

Dikk Ed: Well I don't know. Maybe it can be your room or something. I can also see it where say if when it does rain or something, that people are gonna want some sort of roof over their head. Maybe then you can charge people.

Morgan: That's a great idea! Oooo if only we had an ocarina to summon some sort of rain spell.

Dikk Ed: And if only you had it designed to where there is more than 1 shitty bed for some1.

Morgan: Oh poo. Maybe I'll figure that out tomorrow instead.

Goombella: Eww! Lord Crump or whatever your name is! Go away, and stop asking me random perverted questions.

Lord Crump: I'm just curious as to how old were you when you stopped wearing diapers and elevated to kiddy underwear!

Goombella: I have no fucking idea and I don't care, you sick fuck!

Lord Crump: I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR US AS A CREW TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER INSIDE AND OUT IF WERE GONNA SURVIVE IN THIS RANDOM ISLAND!

Goombella: Well hopefully you're the first 1 to go!

Lord Crump: Are you currently on team thongs, or panties!?

Goombella: FLURRIE! HELP!

Flurrie said as she hovered over saluting her.

Flurrie: Yes, my queen!?

Goombella: I need you to fuck this guy so he can get away from me!

Flurrie: Say no moooore… Though I believe perhaps a 3 some is in order to tame the beast!?

Goombella: In your dreams, fuck face!

Lord Crump: Recommended!

Goombella: Good bye!

As Goombella walked away, she began thinking to herself. Robotnik was lost in the sight of staring at her flat goomba ass area trying to look closely at any outline of what underwear she's currently equipped with. Sadly for him. It's too difficult for even him to tell. After all, SHES A FUCKING GOOMBA!

Goombella: Hmmm… Not sure why, but something about him seems oddly familiar, and it's giving me a really sick vibe.

Flavio: It's not fair! I don't see the point as to why these scoundrels of crew members are so insubordinate to my commands!? I'm their captain, and all they ever do is make me do all these boondoggle type tasks! I don't like it 1 bit! NOT 1 BIT!

Flavio stated as he angrily pounds his feet on the ground like a man toddler.

Vivian: Gosh… I'm sorry. Maybe if you tried talking things out and got to know your crew a bit better, maybe they'll grow to understand and maybe respect you a bit more. Uhh… Hopefully.

Flavio: I mean, look at the way I'm dressed! I'm clearly a naturally born captain in my role! Wearing red may I, Flavio add! Isn't growing up with rich parents enough to command respect? I mean, they should just… bow to me! Serve me! Die for me even!

Vivian: Hmm… Maaybe I would think of a better way to motivate your crew than that… Maybe in a way where there's mutual respect. I mean, definitely don't try making them afraid of either! But maybe show that you care and that you're looking out for them in a sense.. Something to think about!

Flavio: Mrrr… I shouldn't have to work that hard! I shouldn't even need to resort to listening to a woman giving I, The Great Flavio advice! Hahahaaa! But thank you anyway. Say, would you ever do be inclined to take a…. Ever so romantic stroll with me across the shore later this evening? I think 1 of my crew members salvaged a bottle of cheap Merlot to tickle our fancies….

Vivian: Romantic? Tickling? Oh hehe… Uhhh….. I'm…. think I'm probably gonna chill back here. Sorry. My teammates may need my help soon with more fire related stuff like lighting joints I think.

Flavio: Mrrrrrr… Captains should always get first dibs from the flock of his choosing. No respect!

Pa-Patch: YO Flavio!

Flavio: What!?

Pa-Patch: Stop being a useless bubblehead ass bitch and fetch me a joint!

Flavio: I can't! For you see, I have…. Carpal Tunnel!

Pa-Patch: That's your 5th time making that excuse up today. Do your wrists just majically heal themselves when you're grabbing something you wanna grab!?

Flavio: Don't you care about your captain's physical conditions!? For you see, the reason why your captain is-

Vivian: I think imma go now..

Vivian teleported away. Even she seemed a bit annoyed and lost patience with Flavio's behavior.

Flavio: MRR! Now look whatchu did!

Pa-Patch: Ain't my fault your swag ain't got no flavah on it! Let me demonstrate the gravy train to flavah town to rest mah case!

Pa-Patch whipped out his python sized bob-omb cock to I repeat. Rest his case!

Flavio: Hey! No 1 wants to see that, you black purple bowling ball! I mean, what about Morgan!? And that Mario buffoon! Why don't they have to do any form of manual labor but I, your Captain, MUST!?

Pa-Patch: Morgan be busy tryin' to run that inn and Sheit. As for Mario, not only did he find us some tropical ass kush, but look at his power level of 184! Ain't no motha fucka on this god damn crew be crazy enough to touch that with my 5 foot pole! Besides, you an easy bitch with a power level of 1. I rest mah case!

Flavio: Fine! I Flavio will fetch your joint… but just know this- As your captain, it is your job to-

Pa-Patch: Get me mah motha fuckin' joint before I mother fuck you up!

Flavio: Yessir…

Out of nowhere, both the shop and inn suddenly collapsed.

Morgan: OH MY GOD! My inn! NOOOO!

Thriff T.: Aww Man! My shop! How could this be!? I've invested so much into this business only to open for 1 whole hour!

Yoshi: DAAAAYAAAAMN! That shit went under fast!

Mario: Hahahaha! Holy shit! That's fuckin hilarious! How do you all like your stupid fucking camp now!?

Dolphin Sex: Holy fuck Mario! Did you do this!?

Morgan: You bastard! If I wasn't so lazy, I'd get up and kill you!

Mario: Relaaaaxxx! It wasn't me! I've been chillin here the whole time you built the camp getting crunked up pretending you dumb fucks aren't wasting time!

Goombella: Oh shit that's right! You really have been a lazy piece of shit since we got here. Wait a sec..

Goombella took a closer look at the way the supports were tied down and noticed he just wrapped up ropes around the sticks of the tents thinking it would hold.

Goombella: Who the fuck ties ropes like this!?

Koops: Uhh…. Oh sh-

Goombella: Koops!?

Koops: Yeah?

Goombella: Pretty sure that was your job….

Koops: Wait!? You mean to tell me that was the problem!?

Goombella: NO SHIT THAT WAS THE PROBLEM! Are you seriously telling me that's your idea of tying knots!? By circling them around the sticks!

Koops: Well I think so yeah! Hehe. I'm kinda surprised it lasted that long!

Goombella: God damnit Koops! You're so fucking stupid! And we put all that extra effort into collecting all this material and now most of it is ruined! Now we have to go back track and fix what you did!

Morgan: Yeah! Shame on you, you dumb straight Koopa!

Koops: Aww geeeeee wiskers…..

Yoshi: Hey look! It's the part where he blames his dumbass mom! Bet she even got a ass too!

Koops: I can hear you, Yoshi!

Mario: This is fucking hilarious to watch right now!

Vivian: Hey uhh… Goombella! Don't you think that's kinda mean!? Maybe he should've asked how to tie rope properly instead of being a bit bashful sure, but I think he gets the point!

Goombella: Oh hell no…. You're gonna high road me right now, you holier than thaw wannabe bitch!

Vivian: Look! I'm not trying to start shit really I'm not! I'm just kinda starting to notice a pattern of watching what feels like everyone picking on him, and I haven't been having the best time watching that personally!

Goombella: You have no fucking understanding of what our dynamics are like! It's just kinda what we do here! Koops says and does stupid shit, and we react and rip on him for it!

Mario: You're not wrong!

Goombella: It's just what we do, Vivian. I doubt he really minds that much either. And if you're gonna get all defensive over it, then all the more reason to prove why there's no place for you on this team!

Vivian festers trying not to tear up while she grips her fists with steam rising from her gloves.

Half the crew has a raging hard on right now.

Dolphin Sex: Hey Retard?

Retard: Yeah?

Dolphin Sex: You think they're gonna fight?

Retard: I hope so!

Morgan: OOOOOoo! So much drama! We need a form of entertainment while we're deserted on this island here!

Goombella: What's the matter!? Skank gonna cry!? Did I hurt your feelings?

Vivian: You've BEEN hurting my feelings constantly! All I'm trying to do is get along with every1, and get to know them! I'm tired of constantly feeling triggered by shit like this! Would it kill you to give me any sort of chance for 1ce!?

Goombella: Since you joined, you've constantly been causing drama in this team more than ever, you know that!?

Vivian: …

Out of anger. Vivian used her 1st ever Fiery Jinx in the series by snapping his finger causing the already collapsed inn to spontaneously burst into flames.

Yoshi: OOHH SHEEEEEIITDAAAYAAAMN! She just blew that whole thing up out of no where! She fuckin' scary!

Morgan: Heeeeyyyy! What was that about, hunny!?

Goombella: HA! Villain! Called it!

Vivian: I'm going for a walk… hover…. WHATEVER! I didn't even get to enjoy using my fucking new power for the 1st time in an actual [BATTLE MODE]!

Koops: Ohh geezzzz…. That sure all got intense quickly. Hope I didn't cause that to happen.

Mario: You kinda did, dumb mother fucker what's up!?

Koops: Maybe I should check up on her!

Goombella: No. She basically just quit just like that! Almost suspiciously fast.

Mario: She didn't leave. Don't worry! My hard on works like a compass/ radar, and it definitely tells me she's still nearby!

Dolphin Sex: That's for sure!

Koops: … K… Fine.

Goombella: Now we gotta get more trees and shit and start over!

Mario: Or we can look for the dedly fucking star already!

Goombella: And some of you morons are helping this time!

Yoshi: Fuck it! I'll join too! Only if I be knockin some of those trees down!

Retard: I'll follow you to hell and back after watching that display!

Morgan: Work…. Is….. Haaaaaaard…. Though do gotta say. That cat fight was almost worth my inn getting blown up OOOOOOOOO IM SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT DRAMA HAPPENS NEXT!

Meanwhile, Vivian was casually going on her coping skill walk to calm her nerves and anxiety disorder shit.

Vivian: Hey, daddy-o I don't want to go down to the basement There's somethin' down there I don't want to go Hey, Romeo There's somethin' down there I don't want to go down to the basement.

Suddenly, the anxiety induced singing shadow girl accidentally stumbled upon two blubberhaus mountains of creatures performing the horizontal monster mush.

Flurrie: Ohh ohh hunny take it all! Take it all the way!

Lord Crump: Ooo yeah! You know you got it in, I know you got it in! Can you take it all the waaaaaahaaaay! Hehe yeah!

Lord Crumb Suddenly spews out slimy anal gravy with a smell so fawl! Flurrie continuously cumming a flurry or orgasms in the spur of ecstasy!

Vivian: OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

Vivian quickly teleported away before any1 noticed!

Lord Crump: WTF WAS THAT!?

Flurrie: Sounds like the Voluptuous Vivian Vixen walked in… hovered in on us, and teleported away. It does indeed make an ever so distinct sound whenever she does that...

Lord Crump: It's too bad she has that power! Otherwise I would fuck that mouth off of her big time if I still had my cock! Heheh yesh!

Flurrie: Don't you worry, dearie… she'll receive what's coming soon…. Huehehehehe…

[Faptain's log. Stardate: June 2nd, 2004. 11:34 PM, 72 Degrees F cooled down a bit!]

Later that night, they all decide to chill out after a long day of rebuilding camp. Have a bonfire, cooking Whacka meat, getting cross faded as fuck and fun shit like that.

Stoner Sesh Music: Them Bones by Alice In Chains

Flavio: They said come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me, lads Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me, baby Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me!

Pa-Patch: GET THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE AND STOP RUINING OUR BUZZ AND SHEITHHHH!

Yoshi: Yeah! Fuck dat shit! Straight up!

Pa-Patch: Mah man!

Yoshi and Pa-Patch fist bump like real bruthaz

Pa-Patch: Maaaannn. This some nice ass Whacka meat! I need to find a store by mah crib that be makin' shit like that!

Yoshi: I don't know bout you, but I be game 1 day to open 1 of em' barbecue restaurants cookin' some of dat shit! That shit be sellin like a motha fucka!

Pa-Patch: Hell Yeah!

Retard sitting next to Morgan was trying to cheer him up and started to finger his asshole.

Retard: like this?

Morgan: Close… a little deeper! And you gotta twist and tickle it some more!

Retard: Like this?

Morgan: Feel that kinda bump area when you go a little deeper!?

Retard: Yeah

Morgan: Tickle that!

Thriff T.:: When's it my turn to get finger fucked!?

Morgan: Up next! Be patient! Geeeeezzz….

A depressed Koops trying to have fun at the stoner sesh was having a difficult time trying to keep up a decent mood and mostly rested his head on his fists looking downward at the campfire.

Koops: This really sucks…. *drinks a small pussy sip of Captain Morgan straight from the bottle* Sometimes I wish I was at home building up my Minecraft themed Lego town instead…

Vivian popped back up from the ground.

Vivian: Hey Koops!

Koops: OH HAY! Uhh… how are you uhh … feeling?

Vivian: *sigh* Better kinda. Sorry about blowing up the inn earlier. Bit out of character for me I think. Didn't help that I hovered in on our team mate Flurrie having… an intimate moment with that Captain Crooked guy… hehe…

Koops: Holy smokes! I'm sorry. That must've been awkward! Almost about as awkward as I am. Hehe…

Vivian: Well, I don't think you're awkward. I think you're just being who you are. Doesn't everybody do that?

Koops: Hmm… you know, *blushes* I never put too much thought into that type a stuff before. I think I'm just kinda used to being seen that way is all! In my home town in Petalburg, Team M, kinda everywhere! Hehe. Maybe I just make it kinda obvious that I'm a little … on the spectrum and people have some bizarre instinct to wanna poke fun at me or shit like that. In a way, I kinda get it…

Vivian: It's weird for me too… Honestly I feel like I spent my whole life being a doormat for my oldest sister, Beldam. I feel like I should be used to it when it happens to me and in a way, I kinda am! Not that I'm proud of it at all…. It just sucks seeing some1 else kinda go through it in a similar way kinda irks me a bit. Honestly, you're the only Team M member that hasn't said a single mean or insulting thing to me this entire time. It's kinda funny.

Koops: Gee wizzz… I know I haven't really been all that social either. Guess I'm kinda shy or something. Sometimes I feel like sometimes I usually react back if I'm upset. Feels like it sometimes depends on the dynamic too that kinda carries it. You know something? I'm surprised you are actually not getting weirded out by me or just anything I've been saying or with the way I talk. Most people probably would have rolled their eyes several times by now looking at my ugly face talk! Hehe. My girlfriend, Koopie Koo was never really good at eye contact with me and said something about me staring or kissing her with my eyes open always bugged her. And that's beside my cheesy garlic bread breath which I don't have anymore cuz I've been hitting a bottle! Oh wait… have I been over sharing?

Vivian: Oh no no no! You're good, you're good. I like listening to stuff like this. Sooo… girlfriend? What's she like?

Koops: Oh ehh… I kinda wish I didn't bring her up just now either. Well uhh… Our relationship's been rocky and complicated from the start. When we first met, I was getting picked on in middle school for having a dorky haircut, or dressing up as Charmander for Halloween and being called gay. She mostly kinda knew how to stand up to those bullies and then we got together officially I'd say maybe 2 1/3 years ago. Overtime I feel like our relationship kinda felt more awkward overtime even for me! Sex got kinda weird and short lived. Said I cry a lot. Dont last longer than a minute. I get it. Initially when I decided to join Team M, it seemed like I got a full taste of Koopie Koo's crazy as I was leaving Petalburg! She's given me non stop mixed signals if she wants to be with me or not. She was trying to stop me from joining Team M, but luckily Goombella oddly kinda stood up for me that day and she didn't need to do that neither! But yeah. I honestly can't tell if I'm being cheated on or not half the time I think about her. It's like, she wants me around and doesn't at the same time. It's like, pick a lane, girl! Hehe.

Vivian: That sounds nice… …

Koops: Hey uhh…. What's wrong? Oh wait! Cuz I brought Goombella up?

Vivian: Ehh a little…

Koops: Gosh golly. I'm sorry! You're not mad, are you?

Vivian: Oh no! You're good. I meant to say… I just wish…. I don't know… I'm happy to hear she stood up for you soon after meeting you from the sounds of it. I can't seem to wrap my head around what her issue is with me. It's like, I'm really not trying to start drama… I mean, yeah… thinking about it for a bit, I can kinda see why she would feel like I'm speaking out of line. I've just been having a difficult time feeling accepted, you know? Every1 has some kind of issue with me, and I'm the thing that it all has in common with. Maybe I don't understand every1's dynamic with each other, but I'm really trying to! I can tell she's a good person deep down and I kinda get it a little where she's coming from with trust issues and thinking I might be some sort of spy… it also just kinda feels like there's some sort of unresolved personal dilemma and I wish I can help. But I feel like I'm more of a problem than a solution for her and the team kinda.

Koops: Oh yeah…. No, I get whatchu mean. I feel like joining any kinda group or club or whatever is always kinda awkward especially if you started out as an antagonist at the time. Not saying you really were! But no. Goombellas always seemed to have an odd knack for getting into fights with other girls. Sounds like the female version of compensating. I don't know. I just hope she eventually warms up to you. I feel like I wish that Yoshi can be a little nicer to me sometimes too. I'm never mean to him ever, but he always likes to bully me somehow. Sucks being picked on by a 1 week old Yoshi infant who's also smarter than me… it's kinda embarrassing.

Vivian: It's not embarrassing! And no. It means a lot to hear that stuff. Hopefully she'll get over whatever she's dealing with 1 day. Yoshi seems a little tricky and I wouldn't exactly know how to reason with him on stuff. He's slapped my ass area, and that's made me uncomfortable, but seems like he kinda picks on you mainly. Hopefully it's just him being goofy, and going for playful teasing even if he goes a bit too far at times. Flurrie I …. Honestly can't quite get a good read on her. She just knda freaks me out honestly.

Koops: Yeah… I honestly… same. I know this sounds like kinda mean, but I honestly wish we can abandon her at some ditch. More for our sake cuz I worry about what could happen to us sexually. She's just too scary horny for her own good!

Vivian: Yeah….i get that. Feels mean to say I get that, but you don't wanna see the rest of your friends getting hurt, I get it. But yeah. Gotta give a lot of credit to Mario for forming this team. I know he can be a bit wild, crazy, and pretty mean himself, but I think he cares! I definitely think about and care about him a lot *blushes*.

Koops for some reason had a weird sharp heart jab feeling almost like an anxiety hiccup that dumb guys usually get.

Vivian: Back at Twilight Town, he somehow found me at my lowest point. As scary as it must've been that Doopliss could have taken his body for good at the time, it's kinda a saving grace I met him in another body, otherwise I'm not sure how I'd react! Not sure if we'd fight, or I'd run away, or bug my sisters for help, but with me not knowing who he was, and that he couldn't say or write his name, he weirdly kinda listened to me, and showed a soft compassionate side, and kinda inspired me that maybe I do deserve better than being torchured by my sister. I know he usually doesn't show it, but I feel like he really does have a sweet and caring side to the guild we're in! Hehe…He really is an incredible guy.

Koops: Hmm…. I forget that sometimes. He's usually such an asshole 99% of the time that the only way for him to be an easier person to get along with, is to get him really high. But I see what you mean. He did save me from getting my body parts amputated from this Darkly Sackboy last chapture too… guess if he didn't care, he wouldn't do that.

Vivian: Maybe he acts in a certain way as some form of a wall or coping mechanism as well. Guess we all kinda do it in our own way!

Koops: Ain't that the truth!

Vivian: It sure is! Oh yeah… and I know you've probably been feeling shy since we 1st met… but, *giggles*

Koops: Wait. What's so funny? Hehe.

Vivian: Just … just wanted to say… Thank you for talking to me. You have no idea how much it means to me..

Koops: Oh! *bright red in the dumb face* hehe… it's nothing I guess! Feels weird having a teammate who I can actually kinda speak freely around! Takes a bit of getting used to, I'll say! Hehe

Vivian: Anytime! You hear me!? Hehe.

Wasn't that a cute and rather lengthy interaction?

Meanwhile again, Mario is still chilling with his dick out on his 11th joint today.

Goombella: Hey… Mario?

Mario: Sup? Lemme guess. You gonna get on my case about my dick hanging out?

Goombella: Well no! *blushes* As inappropriate as that is, it's pretty tame for your crazy shit standards. Plus, we're stuck on an island. As long as none of the butt pirates try to put you inside them or some gross shit, I think you're fine. They're probably all scared of you anyway!

Mario: So what you coming over bothering me about?

Goombella: Well… I don't know… Guess I gotta ask. What do you think of Vivian exactly?

Mario: Her? Oh. I dunno. Shes a partner just like you guys so she's kind of a dumb fuck by default. Not the worst team mate. Definitely not Flurrie level I don't think. Cries a lot, oversensitive, she shouldn't be but I oddly find her kinda hot for some reason.

Goombella: It's so weird. She acts all super nice, and it just seems kinda fake and annoying to me. Feels almost too fake like she's trying to infiltrate us or something.

Mario: You know what's funny? Even if she is, all she really has on us is, us being degenerates in our own styles. What's there to really report back on?

Goombella: Hmmm…. Maybe it can lead to X-Nauts figuring out some of our weaknesses or something spies do.

Mario: Or you're obsessing over her, and the more you do it, the more it speaks about yourself doing it than her.

Goombella: Wait seriously!? About myself!?

Mario: Yeah. For some1 who really claims to hate her, you definitely make it known how much you think about her.

Goombella: Fuck you, dude! You know… *sigh* I can kinda see your point…

Mario: If you really don't like her, just don't talk to her. She'll probably leave you alone too after shit. It just seems like you're going through a random phase that Koops tends to go through 1ce per chapture.

Goombella: Whatever... Maybe I'll try laying off her and see what happens. Guess I made all my points towards her anyway in the big picture.

Mario: Though not gonna lie. There have been a few fights I almost pissed myself laughing. At the very least, it provides some entertainment while we're stuck here for who knows how many days.

Goombella: Yeah… That actually also reminds me of something else on my mind that's been bugging me… Uhh…..

Mario: *Sigh* Just spit it out.

Goombella: Have you been feeling alright lately?

Mario: Well… yeah. How come?

Goombella: I don't know. It's subtle, but for some reason, it just seems like lately you've been… a bit alienative lately. Not sure if it's because you're mad at us, or the adventure, or Peach, or what. You just seem slightly more distant from the story and not yourself lately.

Mario: Huh? Can't say I've really noticed that much. Feel like I'm always getting annoyed at shit left and right with you fuckers. Well if I gotta be blunt, I still think this 'build up camp' thing is a waste of time when we have a star to look for. I get the boat crashed, and have no way yet to get off. And I get every level that needs at least 1 shop and 1 inn. Feels like they could be doing that while we could be looking for the star without us wasting time.

Goombella: I guess I can see your point. Especially that we don't wanna waste time given it gives the X-Nauts more of a chance to grab it for themselves. Hopefully there's a strong enough boss on this island who'd stop them.

Mario: Usually so far that's the case. Though that Doopliss trollfuck was actually pretty weak compared to the others. I think I'm also getting more annoyed that I feel like I'm supposed to be the leader of Team M, and feel like you and the rest of the team seem to be calling the shots against what I'm saying lately. Seems to be happening more often these days. I fucking hate admitting that too because it makes me sounds like fucking Flavio.

Goombella: I'm sorry… I think we all see you as the leader. Guess we get carried away with what seems right to us as characters. Yeah… never really thought about that from your angle. Especially trying to keep Koops, Flurrie, and everyone else in line.

Mario: I'm just trying not to give a shit, and block this dumb shit from my mind. And this rum and weed is fucking working!

Goombella: Okay.. well. Maybe if it makes you feel better, we can start looking for the dedly star tomorrow if that works! Actually, I think we still have to find Admiral Bobbery too. Hopefully we can find him along the way.

Mario: Who the fuck knows. Honestly, after that last chapture, I haven't really been feeling especially trusting of you guys either.

Goombella: Wait? Oh god. Are you still talking about us getting tricked by Doopliss? You're still upset over that?

Mario: You guys fell for a very obvious troll in a way that almost seemed a little intentional and not giving a fuck. Wouldn't put it past you dumb fucks to fall for shit like that again even with another villain speaking tr0ll-like.

Goombella: I'm sorry! I thought I already apologized for that! I kinda just thought you may have received some weird side effect or maybe could've been the shrooms you were taking!

Mario: I've been taking shrooms since highschool! You really think I'll be that phased by that!?

Goombella: I get you're Super Mario, but I don't know….. *sigh* again…. Sorry. Guess maybe we should've known better… and yeah… it is embarrassing of us I'll admit…

Mario: Whateves… trying not to think about it. I haven't really been liking this team in general lately. Every1 is dumb, annoying, and unattractive in some way or another.

Goombella: Well hopefully the next 2 stars after this go by, and we'll part ways and we can go back to our normal lives or something *sniff*. I get that trust takes time and energy… I just… hopefully there's a way I can prove my trust again… Great… Now I'm starting to get teary and sound like Vivian…

Mario: That's the idea! Alright. Time to go to bed and fuck off! Don't even feel like going crazy and fucking shit up right now.

Chapture 6 - 10: Day OO

[DREAM MODE]

In some back alley of some strip club in some whore house of some downtown area of some big city in the east coast of the USA in the late 70s, lies a homeless dead ass 18 year old heroined out base head wearing nothing but soiled briefs halfway on and a work tie to go with it trying to make ends meet as some magical "will do anything" drug dealer. Guess who I'm referring to!?

Strip Club Bouncer (Age 32): Hey, man! I thought I told you to stop hanging out selling crack to the strippers!

Mario: Whatju talking about!? Strippers love me! They love mah big ass sloppy Mario cock, mah Mario drugs, and mah Mario ballz, mother fucka!

Strip Club Bouncer: That's it! I've had enough of you hanging around here! Now I could call the cops on yo ass, but that's too good for you givin' you free meals and a bed to sleep on. Instead, imma cripple yo ass to a pulp and let you bleed out in the nearest fuck dumpster!

Mario: Oh yeah, fucko!? You wanna go!? I'll fuck you up so bad, I'll cripple your parents feelin' how fucked up you get assuming they're not ded yet!

Strip Club Bouncer grabs the unkempt 4 foot tall hobo youth by the shoulders and bashed him in the nose with his knee a couple times

Mario: FUCK YOU, ASS MOTHA' FUCKA! *spits out tooth*

Mario on instinct out maneuvers him using a super guard technique he never used until now for a 1st time.

Strip Club Bouncer: AH WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!?

Mario: Now to show you what hell is really like!

Mario delivers a barrage of punches and kicks Smash Bros style, bloodying up the 6 foot 8 bouncer making him nearly faint.

Strip Club Bouncer: IMMA UPTOWN FUCKIN YOU UP NOW!

Mario: DIE!

Strip Club Bouncer throws 1 more punch full force at Mario to end it all. Mario jumps on top on his fist, runs up his arm, handstands on his head, and performs his Down B move in Melee twisting his neck so severely to the point of decapitation.

Mario: *Panting* Yeah… Didn't think a base head can pull that shit, huh!? Shit, guess I gotta run off before the cops catch me murdering another bouncer… or maybe I should borrow his clothes and steal his job. Hmm….

Suddenly, a limo drives up as 4 men from the Yakuza emerge from the vehicle.

Mario: what the fuck you guys want!? Some crack? Heroin? People pay good money for this sh-

1 Yakuza man gags Mario with a chloroform rag while another throws a paper bag over his head while another ropes his wrists up.

Mario wakes up in a pitch black room with a flickering gritty light dangling over his battered face.

Mario: Whoa… Where the fuck am I!? Is this some kind of date rape going on!? Or did I already get raped!? PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS JUST SOME DUMB POORPLY PLANNED BELATED BIRTHDATE RAPE PARTY!

Shigeru Miyamoto (Age 27): Men, please remove the bag from his head.

Mario: What!?

2 guards mysteriously take the bag off his head.

Mario: Okay! Seriously! What the fuck is going on right now!?

Miyamoto: Hello, Mario.

Mario: Who are you!? And how do you know my name!?

Miyamoto: We would like to propose you an offer.

Mario: Oh no no no no no. If you're looking to whore me out, I got news for you. I freelance!

Miyamoto: We've been following you and watching your every move. We are rather impressed with your attitude and action packed fighting style as we would like to offer you a role that may help us spearhead a new product… A revolution if you will in the video gaming industry…

Mario: What the fuck is a "video game!?" It sounds gay and time wasting!

Miyamoto: We are revolutionizing our company, and we feel having you as a mascot for a new and innovative style of gaming can be quite… successful for both of us.

Mario: Mascot!? You really want ME to be YOUR mascot!? You're on even more crack than I'm on if you think making a gross fat hairy Italian version of a Leprechaun as a mascot is at all 'profitable.'

Miyamoto: Hohohoho… Profitable indeed I do say. Not even as a phase, but as a symbol for gaming that will stand the test of time. A symbol that may in fact, out class Micky Mouse himself.

Mario: Oh my fucking gahahahad! "Mickey Mouse!?" You fucking serious, dude!? That's fucking stupid! Retarded on a good day at that! Hahahaha! That's a fuckin laugh. Alright. That's it. Take me home before I die from too much piss loss from laughing!

Miyamoto: So…. If you do not accept our offer, we will be forced to use… brute force by any means necessary.

Mario: Oh please! Do your worst! I can find a way to fuck you all up even while I'm tied up to a chair!

Miyamoto: That's it… Send out… Team M…

Mario: Wait… why does that team name sound so familiar?

Goombella: Hey, Mario.

Mario: Oh hey, Goombella! What are you doing here!? Mind helping untie me so we can fuck these guys up!?

Goombella: I'm sorry to do this, but.

Goombella performs a violent multibonk on Mario's head making him bruised in the face, bleed out the nose, and ears and somehow gives him a black eye.

Mario: Hey what the fuck!? I thought we were on a team!?

Goombella: Shame on you, Mario… You, making us have to do this. We're only doing this to save you for your own good.

Mario: What the fuck do you mean "my own good!?" You're bashing me in the face as we speak!

Mario suddenly got whacked in the back of the head with a baseball bat somehow not knocking him out.

Mario: OWW! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?

Koops: Pillaging Pillows, Mario! I don't like having to do this either but it must be done!

Mario: Koops! Not you too! Okay okay, hehe. I know what this is, you're mad at me for making fun of you and how stupid you are and this is all just your teenage repression at its finest.

Koops: *Sigh* You just don't get it, do you… You see…

Koops whacks Mario's left knee cap with the same bat thus breaking it.

Mario: OWW FUUHUHUHCKKK! MY FUCKING KNEE!

Koops: if you don't comply with his demands, this franchise has no chance of launching. And we won't get to exist.

Koops breaks the other knee

Mario: OWWWWW! YOU MOTHER FUCKER! NOW I CANT EVEN WALK, YOU PIECE OF FUCK SHIT!

Flurrie: Oh dear shit smelling Mario… we are ever so delighted to be on a team with you, but if you don't join Nintendo, then how can I, Madame Flurrie ravage the audience with my sheer charisma and scat like tendencies?

Flurrie lights up a cigarette, smokes it, and throws it at his eye.

Mario: AAAAHGG! Fuck you too, Flurrie!

Flurrie: Does baby want a kissy kiss?

Flurrie hovers over to Mario to lick his face thus rendering him humiliated.

Mario: OH MY GOD NO! STOOPP! YOU'RE KILLING MEEEEE! KIIILLLLLLINNNNG MEEEEEEEE!

Yoshi: Shut the fuck up and listen, Mario! Stop thinking about yourself and get yo homeless ass this job! Think about others for 1ce in yo pathetic ass life!

Mario: Hey! Fuck you! You're just mad cause you can't afford my grade A crack rocks!

Yoshi: *sigh* Tisk tisk tisk…. Didn't wanna do this shit neither, but you give me no choice and shit!

Yoshi pulls out a taser, and zaps Mario in the testicle.

Mario: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! WHOA! WHOA! WHOOOOOOAAAAA! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! *crying*

Mario: *sniff sniff* I…I….its not f airrrr….. *sniff sniff* *BLEEEEERRRG.* What did I do to deserve this…?

Vivian: *sniff sniff* Poor Mario… I really hate to see you cry. We all really do love you….

Mario: "LOVE!?" YOU CALL THIS "LOVE" YOU SICK TWISTED BITCH!

Vivian: You have no idea how much this hurts your team… not just us.. *sniff* but by you declining this contract, means that an entire universe can and will cease to exist. Meaning not just us, but Peach, Bowser, your brother, Luigi, and all of the Mushroom Kingdom…. Is this really a burden you wish to bear!?

Mario: BURDEN SHMURDEN!

Vivian: I love you, Mario… please forgive me…

Vivian uses a small barrage of Fiery jinxes on all of Mario's limbs and face thus disfiguring him.

Mario: NO NO NO STOP STOP STOP STOOOOOP! GUSIO SC NEL HRIEISN BE KEKXNFJDKAOCNFNK AC KRNSII GRACIOUSNESS KEI EDT K ED ISI FOR CKEIFIEJJFU BE SJSIIRN!

Team: Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario. Join us… We love you Mario.

Mario: OKAY OKAY STOP STOP!

Team M Stops chanting.

Mario: ILL DO! ILL FUCKING DO IT! ILL PLAY THE MASCOT OF THIS VIDEOGAME SERIES FUCK IT! USE ME! DEGRATE ME! STERIOTYPE ME! DRAW PORN OF ME! MAKE SHITTY FANGAMES OF ME I DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE! AT THIS POINT, I'LL DIE ANYWAY.

Miyamoto: Yes… YEESSSSS! Bravo, team. Bravo! *claps hands* Now send him into our Nintendo Regeneration Tank. 1ce he's done healing, have him sign his life away via contract. Mwahahahahah! AAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA!

Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[END OF DREAM MODE]

[Faptain's log. Stardate: June 3rd, 2004. 11:34 AM, 98 Degrees F and another day of being hot as fuck!]

A hungover Mario laying down naked smelling like piss slowly waking up dizzy and nauseous as fuck!

Koops: Hey Mario! *shakes Mario* Mario!

Mario on instinct kicks Koops in the face.

Koops: Yowch! What was that about!?

Mario: WHAT? Oh shit. It's just you. Wait!? What the fuck are you doing waking my shit up now!?

Koops: Nothing! Just that Lord Crump has been keeping me up asking me to smell his ear! I keep smelling it, and it's disgusting! I think it gets more disgusting the more I smell it because it's so disgusting!

Lord Crump: You wouldn't know what disgusting is until you suck mah hairy Taco Bell scented man titties 1 day hehe yeah!

Koops: Knock it off! You're acting really upsetting right now.

Mario: *sigh* *BLEEEERG!* God this shit is nauseating to wake up to. Feel like I was better off having that nightmare earlier.

Flurrie: Oh hey there, my Manalicious Mario…

Mario: Eww… What's going on, Flurrie?

Flurrie: I think while I was performing shtickly with Lord Crump, that I must've received some crabs in a couple of my…. Lower regions.. Would it fancy you to take a Mario gander?

Mario: Fuck off! Take a gander at it yourself…

Yoshi: Ay, Mario!

Mario: WHAT!?

Yoshi: Maaaaannnn… I didn't get no sleep last night and sheit! I kept watching this dumb ass DHZ arc last night! So I got super fuckin wired finally finishing that Frieze saga that I was ready to anticipate more of that hype train! Suddenly, I get into this… Garlic JR ass bullshit arc being all WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT AND WHERE THE FUCK THAT SHIT COME FROM!? Maaannn… I swear, if the rest of the series be goin' that way, I'll be all-

Mario: For fuck sakes! I give no fucks about the DBZ universe. Next time you go on another annoying dumb fuck rant, I'll curb stomp you on the neck, bitch!

Yoshi: Damn… Just wanted to share mah enthusiasm with what I be watchin is all…. Shiet…

Mario: My fucking god… my head won't stop fucking pounding and ringing… if I hear 1 more partner-

Mario looking half ded as fuck from the night of over drinking. Black plastic bags over his eyes and shit!

Vivian: Hey good morning, Mario!

Mario: OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT IS IT NOW!?

Vivian: Uhh… sorry… I just figured since we have the camp set up for every1, that maybe we can get the team together and we can go look for the star now! I kinda was able to see a cave in the background past all the trees and I'm thinking-

Mario: Great. So now your whore mouth is telling me what to do too!?

Goombella: Mario! Good, you're up! So thinking about what you were saying last night. I have a plan of how to get to the next star. So I noticed there's a cave on the map it wants us to go to. Funny enough, we're not terribly too far off from it at all. So now that we have the camp set up-

Mario: FUCK THE CAMP!

Goombella: Weeee're…. Not talking about the camp… We're planning on getting to the next Star like you wanted to do.

Mario: Well that's fucking stupid too. All this shit is fucking dumb fuck garbage and you're all fucking stupid for getting me into this fucking mess!

Vivian: Hey.. Mario… Are you feeling alright? If you need more time to rest, that might be for the best.

Mario: Would you stop fucking rhyming already!? *BLEEEERG!* your singing sucks, and It's not helping!

Goombella: You do seem awfully grumpier than usual for some odd reason. Did something happen last night to-

Mario: NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS ALRIGHT! FUCK OFF!

Vivian: Goombella… Maybe we should let him rest… That was a lot of rum last night every1 was ha-

Mario: FUCK YOU, YOU CUCKING FUNT! I'm onto your shit. The 5 are you are conspiring a plan to kill me and take over the team!

Goombella and Vivian: What the fuck!?

Mario: That's right! Hahahaha! You 5 wanna lead me into the jungle… so you can break my knee caps, burn me alive, and have Flurrie rape what's left of me!

Flurrie: Did someone say "rape!?"

Mario: See! Looks like Flurrie was the loose end all along!

Goombella: Wow!? Okay… We've all known Flurrie to be somewhat of a rapist from the start, Koops could maybe snap 1 day and strangle you I can see that, and Vivian might still be a spy as I've stated time and time again.

Vivian: Hey!

Goombella: But where the fuck do you get any incentive that I would pull some shit like that on you!?

Mario: Well, you and the rest of the fuck-Os had no problem with turning on me last chapture! Do it 1ce, you'll do it again is what they always say.

Goombella: For fuck sakes, Mario! I thought we went over this! We. Were. Tricked! I'm sorry, okay!? I still think about that dumb shit and I've been feeling guilty about it ever since.

Flurrie: It was an honest mistake on our behalves… an embarrassing 1 at that. I, Flurrie was simply going off the smell of your aromas mainly as well as your sloppy appearance symbolizing all of our daddy issues combined!

Vivian: Yeah… it's understandable of them… I probably would have fallen for it in a similar way myself… infact, I kinda did too!

Mario: Oh blah blah blah! Alright, let's get this over with. YOSHI! KOOPS! Gather around!

Yoshi: Yo Wazzup?

Koops: Yeah!?

Mario: Alright… Listen up! So I've decided and thought it over last night, and-

Koops: Didn't I just wake you up 5 minutes ago?

Mario: SHUT YOUR GODDAMN CLIT HOLE, KOOPS!

Koops: Yikes…

Mario: I, fucking Mario, here by disband Team M as I don't trust any of you fuck heads anymore at this point anymore!

Yoshi: THE FUCK!?

Koops: Wait… Don't trust us? … This isn't about the whole Doopliss thing still, is it!?

Mario: Shut up, Koops! Of course it is. On top of that, I figured out your plan of taking me to the jungle and offing me there and taking my stuff and with Flurrie's loose lips, she basically confirmed this!

Flurrie: Mmmm I do have loose lips indeed.. the kind for all kinds of daring deeds..

Yoshi: The fuck Flurrie, you serious!?

Koops: Shucks. That doesn't surprise me… But wait!? I don't see why I would have any sort of plan to do that! I'm not even smart enough to think of that!

Flurrie: It's true… if I were to rape you… it would rather tickle my fancy much more so if you were alive to experience all of my Flurrie majic… thrill of the hunt I do indeed say…

Yoshi: Wait!? But. You seriously breaking up the team!? But you don't even got no god damn pants on!

Koops: Right!?

Vivian: *sniff* Please, Mario… Don't do this… We need you. We rely on you…

Goombella: Yeah! You're the fucking leader, remember!? You have the stars, the map, badges, and everything! Why would we betray you on purpose especially when we only have 4 of the 7 stars now anyway!?

Mario: See!? Not helping your case that's for sure. And clearly you guys are just using me for my strength, my tenacity, items, Italian Manerisms, and the fact that you dumb mother fuckers get to hang out with FUCKING MARIO! I can see through all of it!

Goombella: Mario… You saved me from those X-Naut guys… I've been loyal to you ever since haven't I? Or.. At least I thought I did…

Mario: And know what! I fucking regret it! I should have let Robotnik rape you right then and there like I was initially going to.

Somewhere out in the background, Lord Crump overheard the loud conversation (the name "Robotnik" specifically) and started twitching and having an autistic spaz attack as if he was regaining repressed memories.

Lord Crumpbotnik: OMSG! MY MEMORY! ITS COMING BAGLSOCJVNGMOSLXNVMGOSKCKGKDKDKCJNGNFNFNDKSO IVNNDOCOGKGNNGKEOXKMVKTIDOSHCJVKRKSOCCOCKSBFKVKFNDKXKCNFNDNNXFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Goombella: *Sniff* You're saying you would have just let that all happen!? Fucking really!?

Mario: I probably would've most likely jacked off to it knowing me! It would serve you right for going on a college summer trip to get extra credit that you probably didn't even fucking need. You're a sheltered pretentious self righteous grade A student that only wanted to shove having "Best Grades In School Syndrome" in front of your classmates that hate you, you privileged 'know it all' scum of the earth! You try, but no matter what you do, your parents don't actually love you. You're nothing more than a product of their success and legacy and it's beyond retardedly obvious on a good day! So there! Happy about your "summer vacation?"

Goombella: But… I'm … *sniff* *sniff*

Goombella started bursting into tears.

Vivian: Hey…. Goombella… I'm so sorry… Can I give you a hug?

Morgan: Oooo this is some juicy drama isn't it, Thriff. T!?

Thriff T.: I just wish I had a VHS player so I can masterbate to that scene from Willy Wonka where Violet turns into a giant blueberry...

Dikk Ed: Fucking right!?

Yoshi: Yo Mario! As funny as it is to make nerds cry, don't you think that shit was a bit too uncool!?

Mario: For fuck sakes. I've had it with your annoying stereotypical out of nowhere black kid attitude. Your humor is forced, and people only like you cause you're a Yoshi and that's what my autistic fan base these days seem to get off towards! Fucking Yoshis, cuz your character design is retarded in a kid friendly looking ass way at best.

Yoshi: Oh hell no fuck you and shit! Now you be diggin' into me next!? Man I thought youz all gon be mah adoptive parents and sheit and now you be breaking a family up just like that!? This fucks up with that!?

Mario: I'll tell you "what's up with that!?" I was innitally gonna try 1 of those hot dogs and was trying to eat you back when you were an egg so I can get some rumored power up to get through this long dumb fuck story! And probably would have all the stars by now if you just compiled instead of hopping around in that annoying egg form!

Yoshi: Oh hell naw… Fuck this shit! This shit be worse than the "You Look Like A" bullshit you pulled at mah ass a chapture ago! Just damn right hurtful.

Vivian: MARIO! PLEASE STOP HURTING EVERY1'S FEELINGS! Can't you see it's completely uncalled for and unbearable!?

Mario: Oh! You wanna challenge me next!? HUH!?

Vivian: I DON'T! I'm just getting worried that you're becoming like my sister! You know the 1 I'm talking about!

Mario: I DONT GIVE A FUCK! You know what!? I regret you being on the team too! I said it before and I'll say it again. You're a 1 night stand at best and you're too stupid and borderline for me to have any sort of patience with. I was thinking about ditching you after we fucked, but-

Koops definitely had a jolt go through his chest just now.

Goombella: Wait! *sniff* What the fuck did I just hear!?

Vivian: That's soo…. *sniff* I thought you would keep that private between us….

Mario: So!? We fucked, and Goombella even sucked my dick 1ce! Did you know you dumb bitches are almost like half Eskimo Sisters when you think about it!? Anyway, back to my point.

Goombella starts to cry even louder!

Mario: Vivian, you do a great job dragging the team down with your goody 1 shoe bullshit and the only thing that would've saved you from not being a useless character, is if Flurrie's tits were removed and placed on you instead cuz even though you're kinda hot, you also kinda oddly misshapen too!

Vivian: *crying* I had … *whimpering* I had no idea.. you can be so cruel….

Mario: Maybe Goombella is right. Maybe you should go back to your sister and try to convince Beldam not to have Marilyn devour you alive or whatever the fuck they were planning on. Now teleport away, you fucking useless shitty emo gothic witch punk wannabe character! Or kill yourself… I don't even care.

Vivian: I… I… *hyperventilating in tears* I … FINE! YOU WIN! YOU ALL WIN! *teleports away*

Goombella is still crying her face off and Yoshi also left and ran off somewhere in the jungle a little while ago.

Koops: GOD DAMNIT, MARIO! WWHY DID YOU NEED TO DO THAT!?

Mario: Do what!? Rid us all from annoying shitty characters!?

Koops: SHE WAS SO SWEET AND KIND! SHE WAS THE ONLY 1 WHO DIDNT WANNA PICK ON ME AND ACTUALLY ENJOYED TALKING TO ME AND YOU HAD TO FUCKING RUIN IT!? WHY MARIO!? WHY!?

Koops ran up to Mario punching him hopefully and doing no damage. Mario kicks him off in the stomach landing on his back.

Koops: Fuck this!

Koops rolled around and quickly got back up on his feet out of anger.

KOOPS: NOT TODAY! IM SO FUCKING PISSED! BREAKING UP THE TEAM IS 1 THING, BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO RUIN EVERY1's LIVES THE WAY YOU JUST DID!

Mario: For fuck sakes. As if I give a shit. You know what!? NOW THE ONLY REASON WHY I DECIDED TO KEEP YOU AROUND TOO WAS CAUSE I GOT BORED, YOU HAD WEED, AND WE NEEDED SOME EXCUSE TO HAVE A DOG IN THE GROUP! GUESS WHAT!? YOUR THE FUCKING DOG OF THE GROUP!

Koops: AM NOT!

Mario: YOU EAT THINGS THINKING THAT IT'S FOOD! YOUR JUST AS STUPID AND USELESS AS A FUCKING DOG! LIKE I POINTED OUT EARLIER, YOU SMOKED US DOWN WITH WEED YOU STOLE FROM YOUR GF 1CE! WHOOPTY FUCKIN DO! AND YOU SPEAK SOME DORKY INTERNET LANGUAGE! WHOOPTY FUCKING DO AGAIN! THE BEST THING YOU'VE EVER PROVIDED IS BEING A FIT PUNCHING BAG AND AN EASY TARGET TO ENTERTAIN US TO HELP GET THROUGH THIS DUMB SERIES!

Koops: You know what!? Since this Team is done anyway, I'm gonna go look for Vivian, and we're gonna find the star ourselves!

Mario: Good fucking luck with that! She's long gone now. Probably ded! Also, good luck finding the star without me! Also, Good luck collecting all 7 when I already have 4 of em'!

Koops: I'll show you!

Koops runs off into the woods too to hopelessly find Vivian.

Koops: HEY VIVIAN! WAAAAAIT!

Goombella: *sniff sniff* I'm leaving too! This is my school project, and I intend to finish it and find the stars myself.

Mario: Like I just asked Koops. How are you gonna collect them all if I have the other 4, dumb bitch!?

Goombella: Hopefully you get some kind of rare jungle cancer and karma bites you in the ass and I'll get the stars from your corpse anyway! Good bye forever, Mario! Please totally die soon…

Goombella runs off into the jungle by herself too.

Mario: Ha! They're the 1s who will get jungle cancer, not me!

Flurrie: Soo…. Where are my insults….?

Mario: YOU DON'T GET ANY!

Flurrie: WELL FINE! I DON'T NEED THIS WRETCHED KINK SHAMING TEAM ANYWAY! I FLURRIE, AM GOING SOLO, THE WAY SHE WAS MEANT TO SPREAD HER LEGS AND SOAR!

Flurrie hovers into a different direction into the jungle as well.

Pa-Patch: Dayamn… y'all see dat shiet!? That motha' fucka just scared off his whole team/ all the useful characters on this crew!

Retard: No shit. Not messing with him. That's for sure..

Flavio: Hello, crew! What did I miss!?

Mario: …. rrrrrrrrRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

In the heid of the moment, Mario raged out and wracked the entire camp like a sissy ass toddler on crack!

Morgan: AWW MAN NOT AGAAIN!

Thrift T.: Hey! That's not very nice!

Mario: I don't care! This is all so fucking stupid. Guess I'll be getting the star myself and show up my team *AHEM* FORMER TEAM! GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!

And so, the team of 6 consolidated of Mario and his strange friends has come to a bitter end. Was it worth it? Was it pointless? Absolutely! What events will take form from here on out? How will every1's story continue now that they're disbanded and stranded on this strange uninhabited island?

To be continued.

Fuck it. Let's find out shall we!?

Meanwhile, in the mighty jungle of Keelhaul Key,

Koops: HEY! VIVIAN! WHERE ARE YOU!? CAN YOU HEAR ME!? VIVIAAAAANNNN! *trips over a random root* Oww! *brushes dirt off* VIVIAAAAAAAANNNNN!

Koops: Shucks *panting* I'm running out of breath running around in this jungle like a dumb retard….. if only I knew how to preform the shadow call this would be a lot easier!

Koops: Ahem. VIVIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNMMNNNN!

Koops started to hear whimpering in the background behind a tree somewhere.

Vivian: *sniff sniff* *cries softly*

Vivian was underneath a tree with her arms wrapped around her head crying.

Koops: Holy ravioli! It's Vivian! HEY! Vivian! I FOUND YOU! HEY LOOK AT ME! I FOUND YOU!

Vivian: *SNIFF* GO AWAY! *Teleports*

Vivian respawns at a nearby tree not far from where she teleported.

Koops: Hey! What gives!? Wait! Is that…? There you are! Hey Vivian!

Vivian: PLEASE GO AWAY! I DON'T WANNA DO THIS!

Vivian teleports again by another nearby tree.

Koops: Damnit Vivian! I can hear you teleport! It has a very distinct warping kinda sound, you know!

Vivian: GET AWAY NOW! *sniff* IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU!

Vivian teleports and respawns the same way yet again.

Koops: AH FOR SHUCK SAKES!

After Koops chased after her and doing the same routine of it 20 or 30 more times, she eventually gave up and teleported on a log where she can sit down and cry her face off.

Vivian: *more crying*

Koops: *Panting* Hey…. Sorry for the whole cat and mouse game… *panting* hehe… so… can I sit next to you now?

Vivian: …

Koops: Okay…

Koops proceeds to sit next to her anyway.

Koops: Hey… Soo… how are you feeling?

Vivian: What the fuck do you think!? The whole team is broken up, and I've never in my life felt so lost in 1000 years of living… this sucks…. *sniff sniff* … Maybe I *gasp* should *gasp* take *gasp* some *cries more* … some advice from your friends and just kill myself or something. *gasp* I *gasp* don't *gasp* blame *gsap* you *gasp* for *gasp* hating me… *continues weeping*

Koops: NO! VIVIAN! DON'T DO IT! PLEASE!

Vivian: WELL WHY NOT!? MY FUCKING SISTERS WANT ME DED, I BETRAYED A MAJOR ORGANIZATION! MARIO *gasps* HATES ME! THE *gasps* TEAM HATES ME! AND YOU DON'T EVEN *gasps* WANNA TALK TO ME EITHER!

Koops: *SNIFF* If that were, … IF THAT WERE REALLY TRUE, THAN WHY WOULD I FOLLOW YOU AND GOING AFTER YOU!? I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH! YOU'RE SO SWEET AND KIND AND I'VE NEVER MET ANY1 LIKE YOU! YOU'RE ACTUALLY THE 1 PERSON THAT ACTUALLY MADE ME ENJOY BEING ON THE TEAM FOR 1CE! AND I NEVER REALIZED IT BEFORE UNTIL YOU JOINED!

Vivian: *Sniff *sniff* … *cries*

Koops: I feel like I have more meaning and purpose with you around somehow… holy moly… it's kinda hard and tough to explain I guess hehe *sniff*… but you… you really do matter…. I think you're a rare gift to this world and I think people out there would really love the kind of person you are and and… ghhhhOOOOSH! I wish I wasn't so god damn scared earlier and just started getting to know you earlier on!

Vivian: *sniff* *giggles* it's okay…. *sniff* It's water under the bridge really… just like our team…. *sniff* you know…. I was really looking forward to a change of life away from my siblings…. And Mario… the guy who saved… or I thought saved me from this… ended up scaring me away anyway…. It's just not fair….*sniff*

Koops: Aww…. What really is fair in this world anyway? Hehe… *sniff* I feel your pain too…

Koops started rubbing Vivian's back to comfort her.

Koops: Is me doing this okay?

Vivian: Oh uhh.. yeah it's fine..

Koops: You know something…. Back when I 1st saw you in the Boggly Woods, I saw your sister bullying you…. I felt so bad when I saw that… I wanted to… *sigh* I'll just say it… I really… I wanted to punch her in the jaw and rescue you from all of that…. Mario just kinda yelled at me and threatened to whip me with his big Mario cock or something… but looking back at it, I've been beating myself up over it since then that I didn't just ignore him and fight for you anyway…

Vivian: Really? … *wimpers* Oh Koops… *tears up* … I can't believe some1 like you exists…. I really don't blame you though… It was a pretty scary situation for both of us at the time and it must've felt too difficult to disobey you leader… honestly *sniff* I wish I would've just said "fuck it!" And join you guys right then and there… I would have loved to have been a part of that Glitzville arc if things were just a little bit different hehe..*sniff*

Koops: it's okay… *slowly and nervously fidgets and twirls her hair around awkwardly* I'm just happy you're here now… it really means the world to me…

Vivian: I'm…*sniff* I'm really happy you're here too! Thank you for handling my crazy earlier while I kept teleporting around a bunch hehe…

Koops: Aww Shucks it was nothing… 1 thing I gotta ask is… just PLEASE! Please don't ever talk about killing yourself again… *sniff* I would… *sniff* I would just… miss you so much…*sniff* I don't ever wanna hear you talk like that again… Promise?

Vivian: .. *sniff* …Mmhmm.. I promise! … *sigh* Thank you again, Koops… I mean it!

Koops: It's all good. I just really care about you and don't want any more bad things to happen to you is all… I mean it too!

Vivian: Awww… Same for you!

Koops: So… *continues to play with and twirl her hair with his fingers* 1 thing I'm curious to ask…. And please don't take this the wrong way! Uhh…. So… out of curiosity… why.. why didn't you just teleport off the island after Mario was yelling at you? I'm really glad you didn't! I'm just curious.

Vivian: *sigh*… Sooooo…. Please don't make fun of me for this… Promise!?

Koops: I won't! Promise.

Vivian: I…. Okay I'll say it… I … I can't really navigate well at all when it comes to teleportation… I … honestly don't know how to navigate or get off the island at all…

Koops: Oh shucks… well… Hey! No judgement! Look who you're talking to hehe! If you get to know me long enough, you'll know I get lost all the time! Why, HOLY SHIT you should've seen my stupid ass last chapture! NOT SAYING you're stupid. I meant me referring to me hehe..

Vivian: I don't think you're stupid! But I mean…. Beldam was always good at teleportation even when she's drugged out. I just followed her around while she led the way. I never actually learned how to know where I'm going very well on my own on account that I have a big caldron of learning disabilities up the wazzu… hehe. Feel like I could be way more useful if I just learned how to actually navigate while teleporting. Hopefully over time, I'll try practicing and get a little bit better at it hopefully…. *sigh* Aww shucks….

Koops: Wait? You say "Aww shucks" too!?

Vivian: Sometimes… yeah.

Koops glows red in the face again.

Koops: Awesome…

Meanwhile, let's see how Goombella is doing right now.

Goombella was seen walking through the jungle muttering to herself all pissed off and shit.

Gpombella: This fucking sucks…. Fuck him! Fuck Mario! Fuck my parents for pressuring me into going on this stupid trip. Fucking left me to die on a deserted island… THANKS MOM! My life fucking sucks… fuck every1

Out of nowhere, a band of 4 Fuzzies emerge from the bushes

2 Green & 2 Flower Fuzzies: KAHBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Goombella: HOLY SHIT! NOT THESE THINGS AGAIN!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Missing

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Somewhere Else

Flurrie Missing

Yoshi: Missing

Vivian: Somewhere Else

FP: 15

V.S.

Green Fuzzy 1: Power Level 13

Green Fuzzy 2: Power Level 13

Flower Fuzzy 1: Power Level 15

Flower Fuzzy 2: Power Level 15

[TURN 1]

Battle Music: Cunt Sucking Cannible by GG Allin

Goombella: Oh fuck….. this is bad… this is really bad! What the fuck did I get myself into!? I've never performed a [BATTLE MODE] by myself before! This feels really weird without Mario around…

Flower Fuzzy 2: KABLAAAAAAAAHHHH! KABIBBITYBLAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Green Fuzzy 1: KABLAH KABLAH KABIBBITY BLAAAAH!

Goombella: I…. I really hope I can do this…

Goombella uses-

Goombella: SHIT! I don't know what to do. I NEED to tattle them, but I have to fight them realistically or else I'll be done for! Maybe I should just start taking some of them out and see what makes sense for them….

Goombella uses a head bonk on Green Fuzzy 1 splattering it with her helmet. [6 Damage]

Goombella: HEY! I think maybe I might actually have a chance at surviving this!

The remaining Green Fuzzy latches onto Goombella biting her in the face and stealing how much HP!? [3 Damaged]

Goombella: OWW! This would be way easier if I had some1 to take them on while I tattle! Even if it is… just by myself…

Flower Fuzzy 1 latched onto Goombella as well, draining no damage but FP oddly enough. [3FP]

Goombella: Hey what the hell!? FP? But I don't even have FP…. That's really strange. Unless…

Flower Fuzzy 2 does the same to Goombella as well: [3FP]

Goombella: EWW CREEPY! Wish I knew how to superguard against these parasites!

Goombella: Hmmm… if our team is broken up, then why would I… or "we" still have FP relevant to us? I'll never understand this fucking game's science…

[TURN 2]

Goombella: K so…. Guess my next move should be-

Flurrie: HAVE NO FEAR! FLURRIE IS HERE!

Goombella: WHAT THE HELL!?

Out of fucking no where, a wild Madame Flurrie approached with a classic ol'bombastic boob slammer on a Flower Fuzzy [5 Damage]

Goombella: God Fucking DAMNIT! Of all the shitty partners I had to run into, it had to be the fucking grossest 1!

Flurrie: Hey there, Goombella-wella. Long time no see…..Battling all by yourself there, sexy?

Goombella: What are you talking about!? Our team totally broke up like, less than an hour ago! And what the fuck are you doing interrupting a [BATTLE MODE]!?

Flurrie: Interrupting [BATTLE MODE] is all the fancy these days… allow me to demonstrate!

Mario: Missing

Goombella: Power Level 55/65

Koops: Somewhere Else

Flurrie: Power Level 88

Yoshi: Missing

Vivian: Somewhere Else

FP: 9/15

V.S.

Green Fuzzy 2: Power Level 13

Flower Fuzzy 1: Power Level 15

Flower Fuzzy 2: Power Level 2/15

Goombella: Well… as much as you disturb me more than the things we're fighting, I'm happy to have your help for some odd reason.

Flurrie: Mmmm…. No need to mention it… For you see… I'm just here to ravish your desires and any1's that crosses my way. As a dedicated star piece of the stage, it is my…. duty to perform ever so eloquently from coprophilia, to burlesque performatries.. for you also see-

Goombella: Alright shut the fuck up, Flurrie. It's tattle time!

Goombella uses tattle on Green Fuzzy: This right here is a Green Fuzzy. As you can clearly see, it's a Fuzzy, and it's green. Mint fucking green. Eww! Max HP is 5, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. Oddly enough, it's a buffed up version of a regular purple Fuzzy as it sucks ours HP and replenishes its own which is FUCKING GROSS AND REALLY HOPE I DONT GET FUZZY RABIES AFTER THAT SHIT AS IF THAT ISNT THE 2ND GORSSSST THING NEXT TO FLURRIE! If you don't find that idea gross, seriously, there's something wrong with you….

Flurrie: How dare you, my Gushing Goombella… Why must you often kink shame so…?

Goombella: Fuck off, Flurrie! Your kinks HURT people!

Green Fuzzy Bites Flurrie only to get poisoned to deth from all the gross shit fetishing kink molecules in her blood steam. [-5 Damage]

Goombella: Holy shit! The parasites die from getting grossed out by you when they bite you! That's amazing! Happy you're in front right now!

Flurrie: The pleasure is all mine…

1 of the Pink Fuzzies bites Flurries only to result in the nearly same outcome. Her Blood did about [-5 Damage] Thus almost killing it.

The 2nd Pink Fuzzy does the same only to get Super Guarded by Flurray's bombastic reflexes and gets killed in the process. [1 Damage]

Goombella: You know how to super guard against those!?

Flurrie: Indeed I doo… That 2nd Fuzzy failed to find the G Spot on my neck before he eventually started… *sigh* such a failed vampire indeed…

Goombella: Ehh… Not Necessary!

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses Tattle on the only remaining Flower Fuzzy left: That's a Flower Fuzzy... Wow, what a totally pretty Fuzzy, don'tcha think for ugly creature status?

Flurrie: NO!

Goombella: WELP!? Anyway, HP is 6, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. This thing attacks by boinging on you and sucking off your FP. Which I'm still trying to figure out how we still have any FP if we're not accompanied by a fucking human anymore! 1ce it charges up its own FP, it uses magical attacks. Not that it really matters cuz we basically won already. Oh shit! It's a Flower Fuzzy because it sucks your FP! God, now I'm a little annoyed that I didn't make the connection right away! Hehe…

Flurrie: Say no more… in that case,

Flurrie finished off all over the fight scene by performing 1 of her grotesque taunts where she finger fuckishly circles around her nipple while utilizing the "duck face" thus making the Flower Fuzzy spontaneously combusting due to excessive exposure of absurd grotesque behavior. [A lot of Damage!]

[END OF BATTLE]

Goombella: Holy fucking shit! That had me worried for a sec. Flurrie, I never thought I'd ever say this, but thank you for saving the day for me! I can't thank you enough as weird as that is to say!

Flurrie: I appreciate all the gratitude…. And pleasure is all mine indeed I do say…

Goombella: Right… So I guess come to think about it, maybe running straight into a jungle in the spur of the moment… probably wasn't the brightest move on my part…. Ugg.. I'm supposed to be a better planner than this god damnit…

Flurrie: Oh don't feel so bad. After how our "so called" leader disbanded our little gathering of goons, it's no wonder that it would leave any dear mortal in a wretched heart ache understandably so…

Goombella: *sigh* I guess… it's weird to think that you're actually getting where I'm coming from. Guess you being a part of the former teams gets it too.. it just sucks… it's only been 1 hour or so since Mario pulled that shit, and already I feel incredibly lost more than ever. It makes me sick!

Flurrie: Hey! Don't be that way. Maybe these moments are door opening opportunities for new and sexy beginnings that can ravish 1s heart in glory in disguise! Besides, if finishing your summer school project is what you need in order to fulfill something deep and silky within you, then I Flurrie, shall help make this dream come true no matter what cost it takes!

Goombella: Huh…. When you talk like that… it makes me actually for 1ce… not hate you for some bizarre reason… well, seeing as how you and I function as a team, it's settled! You and I will form a new and better Team M! I mean, who the hell needs that Mario asshole anyway!? Honestly, I don't think I can play or revisit a Mario game in good conscience after being on a team with him for 2 or more weeks! Alright Flurrie, if I'm going to align with you on getting the new Star, just gotta make this clear.

Goombella: No

Goombella: Funny business.

Goombella: Got that!?

Flurries: Mmmm… anything can be considered "funny business" if you're brave enough…

Goombella: I MEAN DONT RAPE ME! GOT IT!?

Flurrie: *sigh* Your loss… but fine… I, Madame Flurrie, shall begrudgingly comply with your demands… but know this. When you do inevitably change your mind, I will be here to fulfill the deep pink ocean within you of your desires… Furthermore, -

Goombella: Can we get a move on already!?

Alrighty. So honestly, even I, the narrator have no idea where the fuck Yoshi is right now. Let's go back to the Koops and Vivian part of the story you TTYD dorks were jacking off to earlier.

Koops: Hey… So not to keep asking you weird questions, and I'm gonna ignore something Mario was saying earlier, but do you know… do you know if that uhh… if that budge on your mid region. Is that your stomach or uhh… boobs?

Vivian: Oh! Yeah, .. that's my stomach… I actually don't really have boobs given that I can't physically bare children and don't require that function… also, I don't … technically have a stomach either given that shadows don't technically have conventional digestive systems or are required to eat at all. I hope it's not too weird of me to share… I do kinda get a little self conscious about my belly area to be honest…

Koops: What? No! It's not weird to me at all! You know what? Honestly, in my opinion, I think it looks pretty great on you!

Vivian: Oh wait. Really!? You like it? *Holds Belly*

Koops: Well, yeah! I don't know. I think it kinda looks kinda cute really. In a way, it makes you look like you're pregn- …. *glows red again like a moron* oh wait…. Hehe… nevermind… hehe..

For the sake of comic relief, let's have 3 Putrid Piranha Plants emerge from the ground ready to fuck these former partners up.

Putrid Piranha 1: Hey there, sexies…. You all looking for a slimy and grimy good time or what?

Koops: Holy bajebbis! We're getting ambushed by 3 gross yellow and red polka dotted Piranha Plants!

Vivian: Yikes…. Without intending to be mean as well, they don't smell especially good either…

Putrid Piranha 2: Yeah…. We're looking for a good slimy ol' time. We want you to be our Gang Bang Guinea Pig…

Koops: Eww! Don't worry, Vivian! I won't let them anywhere near you!

Putrid Piranha 3: What? Noooo… We don't want her…. We want you…. The Koopa….

All 3 Putrid Piranhas: YEAH! The Koopa!

Putrid Piranha 2: I can even smell from here that he has an abnormally fatter ass for Koopa standards… MEOW!

Koops: *Gulp* Uh ohh… Looks like we otta fight them or something, huh…

Vivian: We'll beat these guys! Don't worry, Koops! I won't let them anywhere near you!

Koops: That was initially my line earlier hehe…

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Missing

Goombella: Somewhere Else

Koops: Power Level: 68

Flurrie: Somewhere Else

Yoshi: Missing

Vivian: Power Level: 70

FP: 9/15

V.S.

Putrid Piranha 1: Power Level 20

Putrid Piranha 2: Power Level 20

Putrid Piranha 3: Power Level 20

Battle Music: Slip it in by Black Flag

[TURN 1]

Putrid Piranha 2: Not sure if we should begin eating you and then go gang bangy, or the reverse…

Putrid Piranha 3: Well I vote the former personally! More holes to play with that way!

Koops: Hey uhhh… Wow this feels weird. Normally I'm used to doing [BATTLE MODE] when Mario's on stage… Not sure who should be 1st.

Vivian: You wanna go 1st? Unless you don't feel comfortable with the way they're behaving I get that…

Koops: Sure! I don't mind.

Koops: Hmm… Not sure if this'll work, but imma try something.

Koops charges up a power shell attack. If you remember, it's a move that attacks all ground based enemies dealing a wicked [4 Damage]

Koops: Oh Fiddle Cakes! I wish that could've knocked them all out like it would've on the last species of Piranha Plants! I miss Goombella's Tattle Log book!

Vivian: Hey! Don't worry. I think I have a similar move that can do the trick! Check this out!

Vivian for the technically 2nd time, uses her new Fiery Jinx move doing a heavy damage dose of [6 Damage] Thus spontaneously bursting all of the Piranha Plants into flames leaving no trace of their existence.

Somewhere else on the island, Mario levels up to level 14.

Mario: The fuck? Did I just level up? Weird. Guess I'll boost up FP since it drained the fuck out for some reason. Thought I broke up the team how the fuck are they using FP WITHOUT ME!? Maybe this shit takes awhile to wear off…

[END OF BATTLE]

Koops: Holy literal smokes! You really wiped them out. That move is fuckin terrifying! Remind me to never mess with you 1 day hehe..

Vivian: Hey don't mention it! Though I am surprised we're still able to use FP without Mario as a team leader… And our FP is restored so maybe he must've known we were battling and leveled us up anyway.

Koops: Yeah. When it comes to leveling up, It's crazy to think that being on this team, my power level was at 30 when I 1st started this adventure and now at 68. And your transition is even crazier going from 15 to 70! Sure have my ass beat hehe.

Vivian: It's okay I guess. Hehe. I think people can look a little too deep into power levels sometimes. I'm more impressed you have any defense points for you at all! That's gotta be super handy.

Koops: Aww shucks, it's nothing. Guess you can say that I really put the "shell" in sheltered if you know what I mean! Guess growing up in a small Jewish town will do that.

Vivian: Wait, soo… you're Jewish?

Koops: Oh uhh…. yeah! Technically, I am. I normally try to keep it on the down low mostly cuz of controversy and what not. It kinda sucks cuz ever since I got tricked into that butt tattoo to make it into Twilight Town, now I can't even be buried in a Jewish Cemetery by Hooktail's Castle.

Vivian: Oh gosh… I'm sorry to hear. Being alive as long as I have, I've definitely seen and heard about some rough shit happening with you guys over the years. That's gotta be really tough to grow up like that I can only imagine..

Koops: Ehh it's alright! Hehe. 1 thing my bitch of a mom always told me is never talk about it with any1 outside of Petalburg. Never know when the next holocaust might be, yuh know! Who knows! Maybe Hooktail was an anti-semitic dragon by the end of the day! Even after my dad fucked her. Wait… what was I talking about again?

Vivian: You're good! I like to listen even if the subject can be touchy for the other person. I feel like I grew up kinda sheltered too and I totally get it. Gosh, still… I'm really sorry to hear. Do you wanna hug or anything?

Koops' face sweats and glows redder than a baboon's ass. Awkwardly enough, let out an embarrassing accidental fart in front of her.

Koops: OH MY GOD SORRY! YOU NEVER HEARD THAT! SHUCKIN' A, I BLEW IT! HAD 1 JOB AND A FUCKIN BLEW IT!

Vivian: …. Heh… hehe… HAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAAAA! HOW DID YOU DO THAT!?

Koops: Wait? Are you laughing at me now or something? It's okay, I'm kinda used to it.

Vivian: *catching breath* What!? Hehe.. No! Hahaha! Just that I've never heard a funny noise like that before and thought it was really funny! And out of nowhere!

Koops: Wait seriously? You've never heard any1 fart before?

Okay for context and catching a plot hole while I can, Mario did 2ice fart in front of her to open up a portal to talk to Miyamoto and to enter the GTA realm, but I think she was distracted too much by the portal itself to notice. Besides, Koops' ass rips happen to be more friendly sounding by comparison. Same compared to Flurrie.

Koops: So would that mean you and your sisters don't fart at all?

Vivian: I don't even know what "fart" even is! Hehe… Hey! Do you think…. Can you do that again for me?

Koops: Oh! Well…. Uhhh. Sure, I can try! Hang on.

Koops farts more loudly and intentionally this time.

Vivian: PFFFFTTT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA! AAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAA *SNORT* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Koops: OMG SHE SNORT LAUGHS TOO! That's awesome too!

Koops: Well if you like that 1, than get a load of this round!

Farts again and slightly more loudly!

Vivian: AAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MY GOD IM DYING RIGHT NOW *SNORTS* THAT'S TOO HILARIOUS! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA *SNORT* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAA!

Koops: Alright! Think I got 1 more in me! Check this out!

Another intentional fart.

Vivian: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! OH MY GOD! I CAN'T STOP LAUGJING RIGHT NOW HAHAHAHAAAHAHAHHA!

Koops: Wait a minute, if you like them apples, I think I actually got 1 more for yuh! Check this-

Yoshi: THE FUCK YOU DOIN', BITCH!?

Yoshi suddenly found Koops doing his weird fart dance to make Vivian laugh in mid fart dance.

Koops: Uhh…..

Koops glows even redder than fuck.

KOOPS: OH MY GOD! YOSHI! ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE HER LAUGH THAT'S ALL!

Yoshi: Motha fucka! I knowz what youz waz doin! It was weird as fuck! I can hear that shit from a fuckin distance too seriously! That ain't no way to impress a bitch with that shit! Not even them damaged bitches like her!

Vivian: Hey! I thought it was funny…

Koops: Wow Yoshi! So wait, How'd you find us?

Yoshi: Well I knew yallz waz around and shit, and I was gonna ignore your asses, but yo ass literally be too loud I had to put a stop to that shit before it was too late!

Vivian: Well damn…. Happy you found us! That should make surviving here that much easier. So what have you been up to for the past hour since the team split?

Yoshi: Well… yuh see, I BE FUCKIN UP ALL THEM JUNGLE BOGGYIN' BITCHES WITH MAH MASSIVE YOSHI DICK! GOT THEM CRAZY DANGLING SPOOKY MONSTERS COMIN ALL UP AT ME AND I BE SWATTIN THEM ALL 1 BY 1 LEFT AND RIGHT AND SHEEEIT LIKE THAT! YOU FUCK WITH YOSHI, YOU BE FUCKIN WITH THE WRONG G CUZ I BE THE COLDEST MOTHA FUCKA ON THIS MOTHA FUCKIN ISLAND AND SHIT! YOU HEAR ME!? I BE BORN FROM THE HOOD OF A FUCKING JUNGLE ISLAND AND SHEIT! I GOT THE TERRITORY ADVANTAGE OVER ALL Y'ALL'S ASSES OR LACK OF ASS LIKE VIVIAN's NO ASS!

Koops: Hey! I think her "no ass" looks kinda cute on her personality!

Vivian: Aww… thank you!

Koops: Wow… so you did a [BATTLE MODE] Off screen then… I had no idea you can even do that!

[FLASHBACK MODE]

Yoshi was hiding in the bushes still watching DBZ with Koops' phone.

Yoshi: OH SHEEEEEIT! THAT TRUNKS MOTHA FUCKA BE COLD AS SHIT! FUCKING SLICED THAT WHITE DEVIL ASS FRIEZA IN HALF LIKE NOBODIES BUSINESS! Glad his phone's got full service otherwise I be haven no idea what I do. Guess I can call for SOS service to get mah ass off this island… Nah fuck it. I LIKE IT HERE!

[END OF FLASHBACK]

Yoshi: Well of course you can battle off screen! No 1 said you can't. Well anyway. Looks like it's the 3 of us. Which means we best be building our own Team M by the end of the day and shit!

Koops: Huh… I Guess that might not be such a bad idea.

Vivian: Should we still be calling it "Team M" without Mario?

Yoshi: Hell yeah! We be the new Team M! And I call bein' the leader since I be the only alpha male present in this scene right about now! And mah last name is technically "Mario!" Think about it.

Vivian: You think we need to do the whole leader thing? Feel like it's only caused more problems for any group I've ever been in so far.

Yoshi: That's because they ain't be doin it right! Now come on! Let's go fight some random monsters so we can get stronger and shiet!

Koops: *Sigh* Okay…

In the other part of the jungle,

Goombella: Flurrie, for the last time! I'm not physically capable of procreating with you even if I wanted to! On top of the thought of having any sort of sex with another species grosses me out, I'd rather die than even slightly touch you willfully.

Flurrie: But hypothetically, if you and I are the only 2 stranded people on this island, you wouldn't-

Goombella: I'm not playing this game with you! Any sex related to anything between us is strictly forbidden! Haven't I explained that enough!?

Flurrie: The more you play "hard to get" the more thrilling the hunt becomes…. Haven't you seen 1 of my greatest masterpieces yet known as "Fuck my Butt with a Butt?" 1 of my films I am most famous for, you know…

Goombella: I thought I already told you that I don't watch porn! Never been my thing and it never will!

Flurrie: Ooooo…. You're missing out… sex with goombas you know are within my personal top 5 species to perform the specialty art of shtickly with….

Goombella: That's it! I'm running off! I refuse to spend the last of my days with you!

Goombella takes off and runs aimlessly past the trees! Flurrie proceeded to chase after her.

Goombella: GET AWAY FROM ME, FLURRIE!

Flurrie: DON'T YOU SEE, MY FAPPETITE CRAVES AND IM HUUUUNGRY!

Goombella: CANT YOU JUST GO BACK TO THE CAMP AND FUCK 1 OF THE OTHER BUTT PIRATES!?

Flurrie: I CRAVE GOOMBAS! YOUR RESISTANCE HAS ONLY FUELED MY HORNGER!

Goombella: AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Flurrie: GOOOOOMBEEEEEELLLLLLAAAAA! IIIMMMMM HOOOOORNGRYYYYYYYY!

GOOMBELLA: STAY AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW!

Goombella as she ran for her dear life and oddly enough, virginity, she happened to crash straight into Vivian knocking each other on the ground!

Vivian: Oww!

Koops: You alright, Vivian!?

Yoshi: Dayamn! Bitch got knocked the fuck out!

Vivian: Ooff…. Oh hey Goombella, what's up?

Goombella: Oh shit! Hey Vivian. Look, so I know I don't like you, and you don't like me I'm pretty sure, but I REALLY need your help to help me fend off this monster!

Koops: Monster!?

Yoshi: I'LL FUCK IT UP!

Vivian: Oh uhh… sure! I'll help out. Is it close by?

Flurrie: GOOMBEEEEELLLLLAAAAA! COOOME OUT AND PLAAAAAAAYYYYAAAAAAYYYYYIIIIIMMMMM HOOOOOORNAAAAAAAYYYYY!

Flurrie suddenly breaks like a cartoon vehicle in a screeching halt.

Madame Flurrie: Oh hey there…. It's the rest of our former team!

Goombella: Stand back! It's 4 against 1 now! Surrender while you still can!

Vivian: Wait, is Flurrie the monster you were referring to?

Flurrie: Oooohhhh I like surrendering because I know it's good for my poignant plumbing region to lack resistance if you all know what I mean….

Flurrie began to bend over in front of the team in the most unsightly and grotesque way imaginable…..

Every1 Else: *BLEEEEERG!*

Yoshi: CAN SOME1 FUCKIN KILL THIS THING ALREADY!?

Flurrie: So anyway, enough of my cliche Flurrie shenanigans for a second. So I guess since we're all reconvened now, what is every1 thought in us all forming a new Team M together! Making it an elite 5 way so to speak…

Yoshi: Sheeeeit….. as the captain leader, I say fuck it! I say Koops and Vivian are already established, Goombella be useful cuz she got the tattle log ability and a decently high power level like they do. Flurrie, youz might be the highest, but youz be gross as shit.

Flurrie: Awww….. I appreciate you telling it how it is, Yoshi. Hmmm…. Whatever must I do to get back on the team?

Goombella: We don't want you on the team at all! I'd rather stick with any1 of these 3 alone over you right now!

Vivian: Yeah!

Goombella: Shut up, Vivian.

Vivian: Aww…

Flurrie: Now that you mention it, I have my own weariness as well with the Vivian necklace thief… I can't seem to find myself to feel any stimulation or pleasure with the sight of her after that particular action.

Koops: Wait, you're still mad about that from 3 chaptures ago?

Vivian: *Sigh* I'm still sorry you feel that way, Flurrie… I can see why you probably were holding that against me this whole time and even though I just found it on the ground, I shouldn't have assumed part of the sky in Boggle Woods falls on occasion like rain or something. I should've tried to find who it belonged to instead of thoughtlessly keeping it to myself selfishly *sniff*. So I meant to give this to you last night, and I know you were busy having an intimate moment with that Captain Crump guy earlier…. But, here you go…

Vivian pulled a necklace made of beach glass she herself made last night out of her dark portal… jk. It was in her hat.

Flurrie: Awww…. Vivian…. You made this all by yourself?

Vivian: I've been feeling bad about the necklace thing since we last talked about it since. It's my way of showing you I'm sorry, and here! Now you have another necklace! I know it's not as nice looking as the necklace you're currently wearing, but I still hope you enjoy it and maybe wear it someday!

Yoshi: Is this shit fo real right now!?

Flurrie: That's so…. *sniff* it's so …. touching… in places I forgot I had…. *sniff* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Flurrie shoots out water from both her eyeballs cartoonishly.

Koops Wowzers…. I never thought Flurrie was capable of actual touching moments that weren't sexually unpleasant.

Mascara was smeared all over Flurrie's face like a fucking mess.

Flurrie: It's like… it's like the symbolism of a pearl necklace… *sniff* only the semen drippings are like rainbow colored… so beautiful and so symbolic…

Koops: *Sigh* Aaaaand there it is.

Goombella: She's so fucking gross.

Vivian: Awww…. It means a lot you enjoy it so much. And if the necklace reminding you of semen drops makes you happy, then I'm happy too!

Flurrie: Indeed… you are indeed the most voluptuous shadow vixen I've ever gazed upon and happy you joined, rejoined, and rejoined the team again! Come. Have a kissy kiss with me!

Flurrie hovered over to Vivian and grabbed her by the shoulders.

Vivian: Uhh hehe… what's going on?

Flurrie: Pucker up, Puckaroo…

Flurrie in the heid of the moment, locked lips with the innocent shadow girl… after 3 unpleasant seconds, Vivian shoved Flurrie off of her. And of course, Vivian compulsively puked all over Flurrie.

Vivian: *BLEEEEEEEEEEERG!* OH MY GOD! I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO-

Flurrie: What did you think of that lovely lip lock?

Vivian: Uhh…. Oh gosh….. I uhh...don't wanna lie to you, but I also don't wanna hurt your feelings neither….but… I think you really should take better care of your oral hygiene…. you know, for your sake… again… sorry…. I honestly wasn't trying to hurt your feelings if I did at all.

Goombella: You really didn't.

Flurrie: It was the crescendo of my emotional ecstasy and a delightful honor to share with you… The criticism also serves as a pleasurable turn on without any questions asked… and your puke is indeed marvelous… the smell distinctly proves you to be a female after all due to some aromas of feminine molecular structures…

Goombella: I think I'm gonna be sick..

Vivian: Well… I guess moving on now hehe…. I'm happy we're all standing here together right now…. I hope we can all be a team again even if Mario is no longer a part of it…

Goombella: *Sigh* It's a lot to think about… and to be honest, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I still don't like or trust you, Vivian. Honestly kinda doubt I ever will to tell you the truth. And not sure if trusting you will ever be in the question, but… *siiiiiiiighhhhhh* I guess weirdly enough, I'm happy to have you back on the team too…..

Vivian began to tear up.

Goombella: Uhhh…. Vivian?

Vivian grabbed Goombella for a big hug.

Goombella: Vivian! What the hell are you doing!?

Vivian: *sniff* *smiles* Thank you so much…. It really means a bunch for me to hear you say that… I hope over time, we can grow stronger together even if it takes some time… *sniff*

Koops: Ahhh…. Now I think I'm gonna cry again too… *sniff*

Flurrie: Well… looks like the 5 of us are a team together again aren't we…

Yoshi: Yeeeeaaaahhh fuck it. We don't always get along and y'all 4 each got a trade mark way of annoyin' the living fuck otta me, but I can't say this shit be the same without y'all fuckin around!

Koops: I'm pretty thrilled too! Even if we have some1 like Flurrie who creeps us out and Yoshi who likes to bully me and STEAL MY PHONE, I'm happy we're all still together on this adventure!

Goombella: Yeah! We'll be a new and better Team M! We'll prove that we don't even need Mario in the 1st place for this! And… Okay Vivian, you can let go of me now.

Vivian: Oh right hehe… Sorry… you're very comfy to hug. *giggles*

Goombella: Huh… Anyway yeah! I think we can probably have a better time with just us as a team instead of putting up with that abusive step dad wannabe we kept pedestalizing for some strange reason.

Vivian: As sweet as he can be few and far between, it feels like he has this egotistical megalomania that makes us all gravitate towards him due to his own self confidence I think.

Goombella: I'm also a little surprised you know that many big words…

Koops: Honestly, I don't think I can look at a Mario game the same way again after putting up with the way he fucking acts! I think this dynamic might actually be a healthier environment for us from this point on I think!

Flurrie: Indeed…. It's especially cruel the way he actually insulted every1 on the team except for me…. The non sexy type of abuse I do say…. *sniff* Every1 is right, we don't need Mario Gonzales Mario. Not Goombella LeGrande, not Koops Blumstien, not Yoshi Mario, not Vivian Siren, and nor I, Cloudette Flurrie…

Koops: Say, now I don't know if Mario Gonzales Mario's back at the camp or not, and I know these butt pirate goons are kinda lazy and annoying, but what do guys say we head back there and maybe talk about a good solid plan to pick up where we left off on this adventure?

Goombella: You know, not a bad idea. Was gonna say we should go search for the next star today, but after all this Mario shit that went down this morning, maybe we gotta reconfigure some shit out. Plus probably good to stock up on items or something maybe.

Yoshi: Y'All know I got like 10 Whacka bumps right?

Goombella: Holy shit!? Don't those things restore 25 HP and 25 FP!?

Yoshi: Hell yeah they do!

Vivian: Wow! That's amazing. But yeah. Kinda agree that we probably need to reconfigure some shit out too.

Yoshi: As long as we ain't buyin' anything from Thriff T.'s pad, I'm good!

[Faptain's log. Stardate: June 3rd, 2004. 3:45PM, 99 Degrees F and pretty scorching hot at the moment still]

Morgan: Is it me Dikk Ed, or is it getting kinda more and more annoying spending more time building and rebuilding the camp than not?

Dikk Ed: You!? Building anything!? It's pretty much been the rest of us doing shit while you sleep on your fat gay toad ass all day!

Morgan: Oh yeah! I keep forgetting we're all toads. Dolphin sex is the blue Bob-Omb. I know, cuz I gave him a blue job.

Pa-Patch: Who are you callin "WE"!? I'm a purple ass Bob-Omb and shit with a big ass dick!

Retard: We know, Pa-Patch. We know…

Dolphin Sex: Is it me, or is it getting harder for us to get along here just the 5 of us?

Flavio: I'm here too you know!

Dolphin Sex: We don't care! But jeez though. Somehow, I kinda miss Team M hanging around us already.

Just like that as if they weren't somehow fucking Beetlejuiced, the reformed team of 5 came back to the camp ground.

Flurrie: HEY EVERY1! WE HAVE RETURNED!

Flurrie blows a shojo esc kiss towards the butt pirates causing 2 or 3 of them to puke.

Dolphin Sex: Oh fuck. They're back…. Hey guys! Welcome back! We missed you so much! Wait… where's your captain!?

Flavio: I'm right here!

Dolphin Sex: Again, shut up! We don't care. I mean, where's Mario!?

Koops: Oh hey… so… pretty sure you guys were there when all that shit went down, but… we decided to form a new team without him after that display of the way he was acting.

Yoshi: We decided we be done with that shit and we formin' our own motha' fuckin team from now on! Without his ass!

Vivian: We figure it's for the best and should do every1's mental health some good I believe! Out of curiosity though, has he showed up here at all since we all took off?

Retard: You know, I actually haven't seen him since your guys' big fight. So I guess from since we started, it looks like we're now missing Bobbery, Lord Crump, and now Mario.

Thrift T.: Say. Where do you guys think Lord Crump ran off to anyway?

Dolphin Sex: Not sure really. He mostly just took off randomly around the time you guys all did. Last thing I saw him do was have 1 of his dumb horny spaz attacks the moment when somebody threw out the name "Robotnik" for some odd reason.

Goombella: That's strange…. Wonder if they might be related or something. Wouldn't totally surprise me.

Yoshi: Well anyway, we back here so we can figure out a decent plan to get the star back and shit so we can complete this fuckin chapture already! P-Much the whole reason why we be all here in the 1st place I think! So yeah. We gon' shoot da shit, get high, get fuck-dup, and yall gonna fuck off while we folk in Team M get our shit together. I assume Mario didn't bring all the weed with him did he!?

Morgan: I've been keeping it safe with me, sweetiekins…

Thrift T.: I got some fire weed still, but that's mostly for battling purposes.

Koops: Sounds like a plan!

Yoshi: Give us dat Weed! We survivin'!

[Faptain's log. Stardate: June 3rd, 2004. 9:36PM, 75 Degrees F and 1ce again, weather kinda cooled down a bit.]

And so, The New Team M is seen in a circle with a bonfire smoking some good tropical weed and shit

Smoker Sash Music: Be Quiet and Drive by Deftones

Yoshi: Yo Koops! I think it's mah turn to hit dis joint!

Koops: Wait really? Oh right! I think I puffed it a few times and forgot… hehe!

Yoshi: Ay, fuck you! It's whateves, alright!

Koops passed Yoshi the joint for some tokes.

Vivian: … Shit… Man…. This all still feels a bit surreal… I know I'm mostly latching on to most of your guys' contact high instead of smoking when I shouldn't cuz of my own anxiety disorder reasons, but still pretty phased about Mario not being our leader anymore.. feels kinda off is all…

Flurrie: Indeed so, girly…. If it wasn't for that my eyes would roll up into my skull within my own euphoria if I started smoking up wit-y'all, then I would probably toke with most of you currently at this moment as well….

Goombella: Is it me, or am I totally wrong to feel like we shouldn't be smoking down a Yoshi who's essentially supposed to be an infant, right!? Then again, this series might as well be a whacky adult cartoon version of a game for children anyway so maybe it's like, totally doesn't really matter really. Haha…

Koops: Yeah. I just say fuck it, yuh know. Everything about our world and story is pretty fuckin' deranged so far to the point where I don't feel like a baby Yoshi getting high on bud is 1 of the biggest controversies we've faced thus far.

Yoshi: Yei. Also, that shit don't matter when I be the team captain and I be callin' the shots, y'all dig!? You want another hit, G-Bella!?

Goombella: Wait, Hold on. YOU!? Team captain!? SERIOUSLY!? Kid with the smallest power level and youngest age; Captain!? Sorry, but I don't know if I can agree with that 1 honestly.

Vivian: Yeah…. Honestly, without sounding condescending to you, Yoshi. I think it's kinda 1 of those roles where you gotta be a bit more grown up to have the right experience for… Hope that wasn't a bad thing for me to say at all.. Hell, maybe we can even function better dynamically without doing the whole Captain sha-bang thing within this team I think.

Koops: Hmm… or maybe it's like 1 of those roles I think we just gotta figure out as a team too, you know!? Maybe overtime, we'll figure it out.

Vivian: Makes sense. Hopefully when we get a plan together, things will just happen on their own in their own way mayhaps.

Yoshi: Fuck all y'all! Fine! Tomorrow I'll be older anyway by default, and y'all will see! Right now, I be too high for dis sheeeeit!

Goombella: Yeah. I say tomorrow, we stock up on items. Though like you said, Yoshi. We got plenty of Whacka Bumps and thank you again for stocking up on those! Really helps big time!

Yoshi: Yei, don't mention it.

Goombella: Cool! So it sounds pretty simple. We just go to the cave, try to find a way in, and take it from there, right, guys!?

Vivian: Sounds like a solid plan!

Flurrie: Is it me, or am I the only 1 who feels like if it was Mario in charge now, that we'd be rushing to that cave and getting all of this tomfoolery over with by now?

Koops: In a weird way, you might have a solid point. He was always pretty good about getting shit done quickly. Maybe part of why he got so mad was because he felt like getting a "move-on" and we were in the way trying to form a camp just in case of any curve balls randomly happening as usual or that sort of doody…

Vivian: Thinking about it a little more too, it's possible the crazy heat on this island may have been fucking him up a bit mentally… Hear that's a thing for humans sometimes.

Goombella: Yeah. For reptile knock offs, goombas, and cloud/ shadow spirits, we probably handle heat a liiiiiiittle bit better than him or most humans. I never really thought about that too much either. Still though, I'm kinda happier we've been more patient this time around going about this. Feels a bit less stressful in some ways, you know?

Koops: Actually yeah! Kinda hehe. Actually, Goombella, you played Mario games growing up too, right?

Goombella: Well yeah. Duh! How come?

Koops: Just curious. What was your 1st game you've ever played of his?

Goombella: Hmm… When I was about 6, I remember my older cousin was playing Super Mario Bros 3. I had so much fun with that and flying around with the tanooki suit! I wanted a copy of it myself, but my mom made me get an SNES instead because it was about to come out around that time anyway. So I guess the 1st 1 my parents ever bought for me I played was Super Mario World! 1st 1 I ever completed too!

Koops: Holy shit! That was the 1st 1 I ever played and completed! Though I can't remember if it was that, or Yoshi's Island for the SNES when that came out.

Yoshi: There was a Yoshi's Island game!? What the fuck!?

Koops: Yeah! You get to play as different colored Yoshis with a baby version of Mario riding on their backs. Pretty cool, huh?

Yoshi: Dayamn! I kinda wanna give that game a try 1 of these days.

Koops: Feel like that would be a better game to play nowadays especially since it's easier to disassociate from fucking Mario after the bullshit we've been through. He's a baby, and he technically isn't an asshole yet in it.

Goombella: True that! Haha!

Vivian: Wow… I really feel like I have lived under a rock. I actually had no idea Mario was such a video game star. Didn't even know that was even physically possible. That's kinda cool and pretty cool too that you guys all kinda grew up with him as a hero even from a TV screen even though some shit kinda recently went south with him. I've been stuck on an island, and I was lucky to get into some punk and rock bands on cassette that made it to the shores of my old home. Marilyn had electrical powers and she was nice enough to charge that stuff up while Beldam was asleep. Though I never had that luck with video games for some reason unfortunately and wish I had that more in common with you guys.

Koops: it's all good. Maybe the game copies would have been water damaged coming off the shores anyway.

Flurrie: In Flurrie's case, I was too deep into writing, acting, and sex to ever play a single video game in my life. However, it doesn't mean I never respected the man vicariously…. His stature, his appearance, greasy sweat glands, and mustache always embodies a Ron Jeremy like presence that always intrigued my fancy holes…

Yoshi: Damn…. I kinda wanna look this Yoshi's Island shit up now on Koops' phone now.

Koops: GRRR… I really wish you can just give me back my phone already, Yoshi!

Yoshi: I'll give it back to you as soon as I finish Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT, Dragon Ball Super, and Dragon Ball Heroes! Oh, and Dragon Ball Diama! How's that for a plan!?

Vivian: Hey Yoshi… You know it's still Koops' phone…. I think it's fair you should give it back to him if he's asking you for it. I think you've been hogging it longer than I've even been on the team from what I've noticed.

Koops: Thank you! Grrrr….. IT'S FINE! I don't like you hogging it 1 bit Yoshi, but I do wanna start talking DBZ with you soon. SO FINE! BT Dubz… Thanks Vivs…

Vivian: "Vivs"? Aww… that's kind of a cute name.. *giggles*

Goombella: Actually wait a sec. Hold on, Yoshi. If you're able to watch Dragon Ball, that would mean you have- or Koops rather, has enough phone connection to call for help! Also, how the fuck is it still running since we've been on this dumb island!? I know for a fact it hasn't been getting charged at all either!

Koops: Runs on Solar Energy! Pretty cool, huh?

Goombella: HOW ADVANCED IS YOUR PHONE, KOOPS!?

Koops: Uhh… not sure… I haven't been paying attention to it really. All I know, is that ever since I got the iPhone 20,

Goombella: Wh-WHAT!?

Vivian: So wait? So does that mean we're able to call for help after all!?

Koops: Huh…. You know… Guess it does… never really thought about that until now…

Yoshi: I honestly knew we could do that all along. I just wanna finish DBZ before I be lettin y'all know is all.

Goombella: WHY WOULD YOU WITHHOLD THAT LEVEL OF INFORMATION FROM US, KOOPS AND YOSHI!? PRETTY IMPORTANT, DON'T YOU TJINK!?

Yoshi: Aight, I get it I get it. In Koops' defense, he dumb. Dumb as hell. And I'm just an infant who wanted to watch DBZ cuz I be into that shit! So fine. I say, 1ce we get the next dedly star and shit, we can call some SOS boat company for help. Sound like a plan!?

Goombella: *sigh* Fine… guess that makes sense. Let's just make sure IT DOESN'T BREAK WHILE WE'RE ADVENTURING! ALRIGHT!?

Yoshi: Shheeeeeeeeit… I be guardin' this phone with mah motha fuckin life and it ain't even mine!

Koops: That's true. Well gosh.. now I kinda feel bad now… thank you Yoshi for takin' care of mah phone. Sorry about me being so selfish about it earlier…

Vivian: Wait but Koops, doesn't it still belong to you?

Yoshi: Welp, all this weed be makin' me sleepy and think we got a good new plan in order for the new Team M. Alright. I'mma crash out now. Nighty night and Shit!

Koops: Soo… I know we've talked about this a couple times so far, but how you all think we're really gonna get the other 4 stars from Mario?

Goombella: Yeah…. That's the 1 thing I'm especially unsure of. I know Mario's probably gonna try grabbing this 5th star on top of him owning the map too. Also means he'll know where the remaining 2 will show up while we all have to figure it out the hard to impossible way. As morbid as I know this is, and I don't really hope he dies somehow so we can grab from his corpse, but…. We may actually need to fight him for it or something eventually.

Vivian: Yikes…. Do you think so? Cuz that also doesn't quite sound physically possible either, and emotionally pretty difficult too..

Goombella: Yeah… I really hope it doesn't have to come to that either. We have him outnumbered, and we're all pretty tough on our own, sure. Though last time all we fought him, he pretty much bested us even with Doopliss on our side. I know you were helping Mario at the time Vivian too, but still. I'm just happy he hasn't removed the badges that buff up our abilities, and I'm surprised it's even in effect even though we're not on a team with him anymore.

Koops: Yeah… Still don't quite understand all that either… At least we're all stuck on an island together including him in an odd way. So even if we don't have the map, maybe we can still find him while we're stuck here.

Vivian: I'm even thinking we might be best sticking together just encase he goes crazier, and tries to take us out separately… Maybe I'm overthinking I'm not sure..

Koops: Shucks…. That's also true knowing who we're dealing with. We're taking on a crazy person who might grow even crazier and is currently probably tougher than any boss we've ever faced so far. I'm kinda shocked that he boosted up his FP when that level up happened earlier.

Flurrie: Perhaps it was to boost his own sheer abilities too, dearie… I say, let's not get too ahead of ourselves and just see what happens. It tickles me in a way to feel that the best move we can make is to stick together as Vivian indeed said, find the star, and then try to find Mario later… at least we know he won't be leaving this island any time soon.

Goombella: Hmm… Also true. I'm even more nervous about facing him than a potential boss guarding the Star of Gluttony… I think that's what this Star is called

Vivian: We'll be okay… I'm pretty scared too, but for now, I say we enjoy this time together, and prepare for things tomorrow from there!

Flurrie: Not to mention that we still haven't seen those blue flames around in some time either…

Koops: Hopefully they were just meant to be by the ocean which… shit. Hope they're not gonna attack again if we try leaving the island eventually. Shit. We got a lot of enemies all the sudden, don't we.

[Faptain's log. Stardate: June 3rd, 2004. 3:10AM, 72 Degrees F and 1ce again, weather kinda cooled down a bit.]

Meanwhile as Yoshi passes out, let's see what the main character is up to!

Mario: God damnit this is so fucking stupid. I find the entrance to the cave according to the fucking map! And of course they don't make it easy by making the cave locked up like it requires some mystic-tarded bullshit to open it. Even smashing the supposed fucking entrance doesn't get the job done! Shit… this is 1 of those moments where Goombella's study in cuntology or whatever the fuck would've helped right now. Maybe I'll try climbing over the cave and find another entrance that way or some shit.

Suddenly, Mario heard a random noise in a bush.

Mario: The fuck is that!?

Mario began to listen closely as everything went ominously silent.

Mario: Huh… Maybe it's more of those Fuzzy Fuck Faces from earlier… Oh well.

A similar sound was made in a tree.

Mario: Hmm… there it is again. Wonder if some random shits trying to follow me. God I'm too high for this shit.

Mario on the corner of his eye saw a fast moving shadow hop from 1 tree to another.

Mario: Alright, look! If you want an autograph, you better fuck off! Not sure if it's cuz I'm the Great Gonzales or fucking Mario, but fuck off!

The subtle ominous noises began to stop suddenly.

Mario: Okay…. *sigh* Hmm… maybe I'll steal a bottle of something at that dumb mother fuckin camp ground to ease my mind. Fuck it. I'm gonna assume they're all asleep so it should be pretty easy. Getting kinda low on weed too…

Out of nowhere, a wild and raving rabbid Machine Gun Kelly appears to latch onto Mario faster than he can even react!

Mario: What the Fuck!?

Machine Gun Kelly (Age 33): I AM WEED! HSSSSSSSSSS!

Mario: OH SHIT!

Alright, let's end that scene abruptly right there! Just like that! Alright dream mode!

[DREAM MODE]

[Captain's Log: Star Date, May 1st 2004. 2:14PM, 87 Degrees F on a Mostly Sunny Day]

In a tropical island far far away within the world of the Mushroom Kingdom, lies a strange dinosaur inhabitance.

[The Slums of Yoshi's Island]

Hood as Music: Hood Blues by DMX

By a nest in a part of the island where Yoshi eggs were flying around like Bullets. Occasionally some randos with British accents appear on this part of the island to talk about the violence in the area for documentary purposes. Usually they get shot by a Yoshi Egg in the process thus leaving no survivors to release a documentary on The Discovery Channel.

Yoshakilo (Age 22): AY YO! WHERE MAH GIRL AT!?

Yoshaniqua (Age 17): I'M RIGHT HERE, ASSHOLE!

Yoshakilo: AY! HOW LONG YOU GON BE SITTIN ON EM EGGS FOR, BITCH!?

Yoshaniqua: I DON'T FUCKIN KNOW, ASSHOLE! TILL THESE BABIES POP OUT AND SHIT!

Yoshakilo: WELL HOW LONG YOU THINK IT BE TAKEN THEN!?

Yoshaniqua: AINT GOT NO FUCKIN IDEA! AIN'T GOT NO EGG TIMER FOR THAT SHIT ASSHOLE, THEY HATCH WHEN THEY BE HATCHIN!

Yoshakilo: WELL, I SAY YOU'VE BEEN SITTIN ON EM EGGS FOR FAAAAAAAR TOOO LONG FOR 1 DAY! YOU SHOULD BE SPENDIN' LESS TIME SITTIN' ON THEM EGGS AND MORE TIME SITTIN ON MAH FACE AND SHIT!

Yoshaniqua: I AINT GON SHIT ON YOUR FACE! YOU KNOW I AIN'T INTO THAT, ASSHOLE!

Yoshakilo: FUCK YOU, DUMB ASS BITCH!

Yoshakilo in the burst of anger jumped over onto the Yoshi nest, accidentally stepped on 1 of the 12 eggs so he can successfully slap his woman in the face.

Yoshaniqua: OH HELL NAW, ASSHOLE! AIN'T NO MAN SLAPS ME UPSIDE MAH FACE AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT THAT SHIT!

Yoshaniqua jumps off the nest and slaps him so hard with a handful of rings that knocks him on his back.

Yoshakilo: OWw! THE FUCK, BITCH!?

Yoshaniqua: IMMA GIVE YOU A TASTE OF YO OWN MEDICINE, MOTHA FUCKA!

Yoshaniqua performs a perfectly timed aerial down A move Smash Bros Style kicking him in the face to his deth perpetually leaving their unborn children without a biological father.

Next thing she knew, a green jeep came through full of a bunch of pigs in poacher gear. Their boss emerged from the vehicle.

Poaching Music: The Diplomat by Pig Destroyer

Wizz Pig (Age 56): ALRIGHT BABAY! I want you all to gather as much Yoshi Eggs as you can find for our Hot Dog chain around the Mushroom Kingdom!

Porky (Age 30): Bu-bu-b-b-b-b-bu- but boss! Isn't this kinda wrong!? We're still taking children away from their parents and killing them before they're born!

Wizz Pig: For the last time, Porky… I thought I already told you. Our kind has been utilized and grinded up into hotdogs for faaaaar too long, and it's time for a change in the food industry for our own survival sake!

Pig Slop: YEAH! FOR SURVIVAL SAKE!

Wizz Pig: So we gather these eggs, they get grinded up into hotdog meat as we station hot dog stands in big places around the world like Glitzville, and Peach's castle, and hwat not, we make a profit, and our species has less casualties. UNDERSTAND!?

Porky Pig: Gee… I guess that m-m-m-makes sense.

Pig Slop: It makes so much sense, it makes filler, baby! Alright! Let's kill some Yoshis! Take some eggs!

Pig Slop pulls out 2 machine guns ready for action.

Peppa Pig (Age 4): Fuck these Yoshis!

In the Slums of Yoshi's island, the environment quickly went from eggs being fried around, to bullets killing several Yoshis as a means of collecting Eggs

Wizz Pig: MWAHAHAHAHAHA YES YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS! IF WE HARVEST FROM THE GHETTO PART OF THE ISLAND, THE WORLD WILL NOT CARE! MWAHAHAHAHHAAA!

Porky: Isn't that kinda racist, sir?

Wizz Pig: You don't question my authority, babay! Now get your ass in gear and kill some Yoshis!

Porky: Yessir…

Yoshaniqua: HOLY SHIT WHERE ALL THESE BULLETS COME FROM! QUICK! SOME1 PROTECT MAH YOSHI EGGS-

Just like that, a bullet went through her head rendering the 11 eggs mother and fatherless.

Peppa Pig: Look boss! I got 1! I got 1!

Wizz Pig: Great! Now roundup em eggs! We gon' be rich babaaaaaaaaayyyy! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

As they began rounding up all the eggs, 1 of them started to smell kinda funny.

Pig Slop: Ay boss! Is it me, or does 1 of the eggs smellin' a little dank to you?

Wizz Pig: Probably your imagination, dumbass! Now let's get rolling!

Little did they know, the deceased Yoshaniqua was hiding her bag of weed in 1 of the eggs. If this dream/ vague flash back doesn't remind you of Chapture 4-11, might be worth a revisit for context sake! Or not. The story is fucking stupid anyway!

[END OF DREAM MODE]

Chapture 6 - 11: Day OX

[Faptain's log. Stardate: June 4th, 2004. 8:42AM, 85 Degrees F and not too hot right now, but probably gon' get worse!]

Almost every1 was sound asleep on the ground with maybe a few characters actually kinda awake.

Yoshi: *YAAAAAWWWWWNNNN* Oh shit…. Where da fuck am I? Am I still on Yoshi's island or some shit?

Flavio shows up with a pot and big spoon slamming the 2 objects together obnoxiously.

Flavio: AHOY EVERY1! TIME TO WAKE UP NOW! LOOK AT ME! AHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Koops: What the fuck is going on!?

Vivian: Oww… Whatever that is, can it please stop!?

Goombella: Flavio! Fucking knock that shit off! It's WAY too early for that!

Flurrie: *YAWN* Ah… What a lovely alarm clock….

Flavio: Excellent! You all have awoken! Alright crew! Looks like it's time for us all to set search for the treasure beyond our wildest dreams!

Koops: Wait. You're actually planning on coming with us now?

Flavio: Well now that camp has been established 3 times so far thanks to all our hard work as a loyal crew. And as your captain, it is my duty to guide you all to that set goal indeed I do say!

Yoshi: You ain't no goddamn captain, that's for sure.

Flavio: Am so! Haven't I earned my worthy status as such!?

Morgan: Don't join him! He's gonna ditch you guys the moment he gets scared! Seriously.

Dikk Ed: He'll probably find some big dumb way to screw you guys over and get you guys killed somehow too!

Flavio: Hey! You're all supposed to be joining this brigade as well too, you know!

Thrift T.: I'm afraid I cannot do that. Who's gonna run the Keelhaul Gallariah While I'm gone?

Goombella: Yeah…. We also were planning on going just the 5 of us.

Vivian: It'll probably be safer for you guys to stay back here too. We can probably bring you guys some of the treasure if there is any besides the star!

Yoshi: Ay Vivian! Don't tell em' that, Dumb Ass Bitch! We just 5 go along there and take whatever we can ourselves! I say that's just reward for puttin in dat effort!

Flavio: M- MYRRRR…. Fine! If that's the way you prefer to go out, then who needs you. Come on, Crew! We're forming a B team to rival these M team punks! B as in Better!

Pa-Patch: Which means I be the real captain, and Flavio can serve as the human bitch sacrifice when we need 1!

A bunch of noise started rattling around by the bushes.

Dolphin Sex: Oh shit, you all hear that!?

Flurrie: More Fuzzies I presume?

Goombella: No. Sounds too aggressive even for their standards.

Vivian: Should we go take a look?

Mario: Werrrrrrrrribiddy bibbidy bi bibbidy BLAAAAAAAAARRRBBISJSBBREJKW SBD RRRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHHWWHHHHH!

Bursting out appears to be a fast moving rabid Mario who's foaming out the mouth, eyes glowing red, and running abnormally fast on out fours.

Koops: HOLY SHIT! IT'S MARIO! I think?

Goombella: What's going on with him!?

Mario: FHEKO SO EKMFOOSCKEKSNB BUT SNEJFJEINFN KDOOMTMWOEOCK NDJAOOGJENDHRIDKMS!

Mario was running around aimlessly with less than any sense of cognitive control whatsoever.

Pa-Patch: Ah shit! This motha fucka got some motha fuckin' rabies up in his ass!

Team M: RABIES!?

Pa-Patch: Yei. I've seen this shit before happen to some of mah old crew mates. Usually the leading cause be from goin back stage with pasty white cracker ass motha fuckas who can't rap but get famous for it anyway! Could be possible 1 of them motha fuckas might be living on this island as we speak.

Yoshi: God damn! That's fuck dup!

Vivian: Oh dear…. You think we have some sort of way to find a cure or remedy on this island?

Goombella: I don't think any cure exists to my knowledge.

The rabid Mario charged into Thriff T.'s shop destroying it 1 last time and not even for shiggles either.

Mario: RIBBIDYRIBBIDYBIBBILYBLAHHEKFNENSNKFKGMEJKSO OGNJJFKSIFIJGNEJWJOSSOJGJDN!

Thriff T.: MY SHOP! WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO MY BUSINESS!?

Koops: Holy Barnacles, Guys! You know how we talked about having to fight him and possibly take him out? I hate to say it, but looks like now we have no choice…

Vivian: You think so? Maybe we should think about this 1st… maybe we can find some way to maybe subdue him somehow instead?

Mario began chasing after Flavio who can surprisingly run abnormally fast when he's scared.

Flavio: RAAAAAAAA! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU DEVIOUS SCOUNDREL! I'M TOO HANDSOME TO GET RABIES!

Flurrie: I'll be happy to find a way… After all, rabies is a deep hidden kink locked away within my kink vault and happy to finally explore it some…

Goombella: WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT KINKS RIGHT NOW, FLURRIE! And Vivian, I wish there was some kind of way to do that too. Unfortunately, he might be too OP for us to keep alive. I'm also worried if we tried to, the rest of us might eventually get infected as well.

Yoshi: Well sheeeit! That fuckin sucks! Yei. Hate and kinda love to say it, looks like we gotta find a way to kill his ass.

Vivian: If that's really the case, *Sniff* This is gonna be really hard to do… This is so sad, but maybe you guys are right… that may be the responsible thing that we otta protect ourselves and the crew at this point…

Mario got on top of Flavio and started dry humping him. Hopefully this doesn't give him any rabies.

Flavio: AH! NO! STOP! I FLAVIO, SHALL NOT KEEP GETTING VIOLATED IN SUCH A DEPRAVED TOMFOOLISH MANNER! OWW! AH! THE REASON WHY IS- AH STOP! STOP IT! STOP IT NO! STOP IT AT 1CE! AH! MY BEAUTIFUL FANNY!

Flurrie: Mmmm… if we have to kill him, then so be it…

Koops: Feel like this is what Mario would want if he had a say in this as fucked as that is to say out loud…

Mario: GBSJKFKWKOAOVKF SNJDJVIROEOCOMGF JAIXIRIKENALLAIGNGNEJIAOCKFKRNNSJ BREATHE JEIKGJ RED ROOTIFKJYNJSJWJFISJEJFJIEIXJ!

Flavio: Why can't any1 get this rabid buffoon off of me, and my fanny!

Flurrie: Mayhaps it's possible to still explore the fanciness of this delightful disease if I ever say so myself….

Mario: GREAAHAAAAAAAHHHHHHGNKSOVNEJCKGNWOANBORUABWNGOENFOYKEKSHCYEOWJGNWISMMVOEJS!

Rabid Mario started swinging Flavio around, chucking him through a few tree!

Flavio: CUUUUUUURSE YOU GUUUUUUUYYYYYYYSSSS!

Mario with his red glowing eyes started breathing heavily and walking towards Team M while foaming out the mouth in a very disturbing manner. And for visual sake, yes. He is still nearly naked wearing nothing but a hat, and a Shine Sprite Hawaiian Shirt.

Koops: Oh shucks! Guess it- I mean, Guess Mario knows about our plan, guys...

Yoshi: Yei! Guess we got no choice but to take his ass out fo good now!

[BATTLE MODE]

Rabid Mario: Power Level: 184

FP: 20

V.S.

Goombella: Power Level: 65

Koops: Power Level: 68

Flurrie: Power Level: 88

Yoshi: Power Level: 55

Vivian: Power Level: 70

Battle Music: Pull the Plug by Dethklok

[TURN 1]

Mario: BLAAAAAAAGHEKFOFNENAKCKEMDN WHFBFJOEKKSJCVJNREIISKXNFKTKGOGIEHSBWB! FIEIDJCKBKGKRLKEAIBFBTKEOKWNTJTIVIKEJDJFIGJKGKKKDDJJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Goombella: Since we probably shouldn't touch him, we should figure out what moves we should and shouldn't use so we don't catch his rabies. I say Koops and I should go 1st since we're fully clothed and our moves don't directly touch him.

Koops: That's true. What about your head bonk move? Don't you make skin contact with him when you do that?

Goombella: *Sigh* The move where I basically use my helmet as a weapon!?

Koops: Oh right hehe.. Whoopsies. And I also got my shell too if that works.

Mario started off the battle whipping out his hammer for his special super hammer move whacking Goombella right in the bitch face [5 Damage] projectiling her into Koops doing [1 Damage] in crossfire.

Mario: WHIBBI YOOHOEOOXOKFKNNEICJCNNGJEKSOKXMGNVKEJDOGNEK!

Mario performs a rabid cock windmill move to taunt them.

Goombella: Oww! Hey wait! He gets to go 1st!?

Koops: Guess that kinda makes sense since he's still technically the main character of this story.

Goombella: Figured the narration was suggesting that we've been the main protagonists for a bit, but fuck what I know apparently…

Koops: Funny how we didn't notice that during when we were helping Doopliss. That should've been a giveaway.

Goombella: *sigh* Yeeeeeah….

Goombella: Anyway, guess tattling would be pretty much pointless since we already know his moves and stats. Definitely gotta rethink the way we battle and maybe try using up the FP before he does.

Goombella uses Multibonk on Mario doing about [7 Damage]

Goombella: Shit! That was supposed to do a bit more damage than that. I forgot about his Defense Plus Badge being equipped.

Koops: Damn! Wish I had a multi move like that! Wait! I know what to do!

Koops uses his shell shield move by summoning a giant shell to protect Goombella.

Goombella: Koops! That was like, 4FP! Why didn't you just use that move for an attack!?

[TURN 2]

Koops: Gosh.. I just figured just encase he started attacking you or something like that, that it'd give you a chance to be protected from the rabies is all!

Goombella: Aww… That's actually kinda thoughtful. Well still! What about you!?

Koops: Don't worry about me! I have my own shell, remember!?

Mario uses multibonk- I meant, power bounce against Koops knocking him on his back and jumping on him 6 times [8 Damage]

Koops: Oh COME ON, MAN! NOW I CAN'T GET UP! THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS WHENEVER I FIGHT MARIO!

Goombella: For fuck sakes, Koops. That shit never stops being embarrassing, and you know it!

Koops: I'm sorry I feel like a dick, I know!

Vivian: Hey! It's no worries, Koops. Feel like we all have our strengths and weaknesses. I'll step in for you! You just focus on getting back up on your feet and I'll take it from here!

Koops: Gee wizz… this is really embarrassing! Hehe… Ok fine.

Vivian tags in for Koops.

Vivian: Wow, Goombella! Never thought we'd be battling side by side after some of our issues we've had! Hehe.

Goombella: Please don't ruin this fight scene, Vivian.

Vivian: *Sigh* Whateves…

Goombella uses another multi bonk helmet bashing him about 7 times this turn [8 Damage].

[TURN 3]

Vivian: Hey Goombella, is it me, or do you kinda find it a bit odd that Mario hasn't used any superguards yet?

Goombella: Come to think about it, he does seem a little less coordinated than usual too.

Mario uses a quake hammer which funny enough, didn't do shit to Goombella being in that big ass shell Koops spawned, and somehow didn't even do shit to Vivian either. Did however do [5 Damage] to Koops and Yoshi while off screen.

Koops: Hey! No fair! We're not supposed to take damage off screen.

Yoshi: Yei! This is some bullshit!

Goombella: Wait, Vivian! You didn't get hurt by that!?

Vivian: Yeah! Besides the Star of Wrath's ability, Earthquake attacks don't work on me since I'm technically hovering!

Goombella: YOU'RE CONNECTED TO THE FUCKING GROUND! THAT'S BULLSHIT, AND YOUR ANATOMY IS LIKE, ULTRA CONFUSING!

Vivian: I'm sorry I know… At least none of us got hurt by that, right?

Yoshi: Oh, you can suck it!

Goombella: Damn. Since we're down to 2FP while technically sharing the same FP pool as Mario, that means I can't use my multibonk move anymore.

Vivian: Can we use 1 of those Whacka Bumps to replenish the FP as well?

Goombella: If we do, that also means Mario will have access to most of his attacks again too.. Unless he uses an item to help fix that.

Vivian: Oh shit. That's right. Seems like having little to no FP might actually put us at an advantage then!

Vivian uses shade fist popping Mario right in the kisser and setting his shoulder on fire. [4 Damage]

Mario: RAAABALBLAAAAAAGHGHGHGHHHHHH!

Vivian: I'm so sorry, Mario!

Goombella has to use a regular head bonk due to multi bonks being worth 3 FP. [4 Damage]

[TURN 4]

Vivian: Happy I'm also wearing gloves so I don't have to worry about directly touching him right now.

Mario uses his spinjumpy ground pound move on Vivian. She gets hit by the 1st jump dealing [3 Damage], but fortunately superguards the 2nd 1 [-1 Damage]. That means she punched his left butt cheek hard enough to knock him down as he was about to ground pound on her.

Vivian: Oww.. Happy we can't get rabies from contact with his shoes. And good thing I have gloves on!

Mario continuing being on fire feels a little burn: [1 Damage]

Vivian uses another shade fist against Mario. If only this can add a 2nd flame burning on him adding to the burning damage. Anyway, [4 Damage]

Goombella uses another head bonk on the rabid Mario [4 Damage]

[TURN 5]

Vivian: Holy fuck…. Think we almost just about have him beat…

Goombella: Yeah. This still feels oddly like a boss battle. Except we're doing a little too well I feel like..

Mario: FJAKFOVKLEDLKFRJENJCJGJRNWKKOCGNENWKKAKFKEKKFKGKKEWKJFJTNRNKWKWKFJTJEJWKDIFIOR

While Mario is slightly conscious, he's still able to use the Dedly Stars. With what is left in his fucked up mind, pictures Goombella wearing a strap-on and pegging Vivian anally if that were to be physically possible therefore conjuring the power of the Star of Lust. This, as you know, causes a series of glowing rainbowy circles to be drawn around the strange Team M girl duo.

Mario: RAAJJWKNGPBBABABABABABABSBBABAAAAAOGJWMMCTOLABBRJWKXKGKKGMWJEK!

5 circles were drawn around Goombella and Vivian. For Goombella, this not only broke the shell with the 1st 2 circles, but did [9 Damage to her almost putting her in Danger Mode. Vivian unfortunately not having a shell of her own protecting her got delt a whopping [15 Damage] tanking all 5 circles. Luckily this didn't kill her, but easily puts her in Damager Mode with 2 HP left. 1 more successful circle and she would've been done-zo.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! I had no idea his ass be capable of still using them stars! Y'all really gotta take this motha fucka out right now, seriously!

Koops: You alright, Vivian!? And Goombella!? It's still kinda hard for me to get up and see what's going on!

The fire on Mario's shoulder deals another [1 Damage] putting him in Peril mode.

Mario: KAHBLAAAAAAOVHMHMHLGGLGHOWUCJGNEMSKOCOGKS ADD KGHGHGHGJ!

Goombella: Vivian! I guess this is it. Traitor or not, you got the killing blow this turn!

Vivian: Aww man… I do? I gotta be the 1 who takes him out? *Sniff* Can't you do it instead!?

Goombella: It has to be you… I don't think I can *sniff* I don't think I can handle this any better than you to be honest…

Vivian: Oh god… *sniff sniff* *tears a bunch* *panting* is any1 else up for maybe switching with me on this 1!?

Koops: Ahh shucks, Vivs… I would if only I can get up right now for you!

Flurrie: I can't do it either… As much as I carry my own murder fetishes, I'm afraid not even I, Madame Flurrie can handle such a dubious act of carnage if I *sniff* If I do say so myself… *cries*

Yoshi: Maaaaaan… As much as I love killing animals and dumb ass motha fuckas like that, I can't do it either! Even though killing my abusive adoptive dad be sounding pretty damn cool right now. *sniff* I just don't know…

Vivian: *Sniff sniff* Okay… I guess I really have no choice then… some1 has to bear the burden, and I guess it's me *sniff*. Okay… I'll take this 1 for our Team M Guild.

Vivian faces off with Mario begrudgingly ready to commit the deed.

Vivian: *SNIFF SNIFF* Mario… I am SO sorry to do this… *sniff* I love you…. *sigh* K… this is it… PLEASE! FORGIVE ME, MARIOOOOO!

Sad Music: Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

With a Power Rush P boosted shade fist to end it all, Vivian punches him so hard in the face to where she successfully managed to knock his fucking head off his body as it also set ablaze due to her pyrokinetic punches. [6 Damage]

Now imagine the decapitating fire punch in slow motion for dramatic effect. And in Black and White too.

[END OF BATTLE]

Vivian falls down on her shadow stem knee, and begins weeping on the ground.

Vivian: *Cries a bunch* This can't be real…. I … *gasp* I… killed the 1st guy who ever showed me any slight amount of kindness to me ever, and saved me from a world of cruelty… *continues crying* I'M A MONSTER!' *CIRES MORE*

Koops walks up to Vivian.

Koops: Hey… Vivian. Please don't beat yourself up…. You did something that took more strength and courage than any of us could have ever done.

Yoshi: Hell yeah! *sniff* You think the Great Gonzales would have wanted to live the rest of his life as a rabid uncontrollable animal and shit!? You got balls! Sorry. Girl balls I mean! Hehe.

Vivian: *Sniff* Guess I should take that as a compliment… It's funny. *sniff* After all the work I've tried to do to prove myself here, I guess I still basically ended up being a villain and traitor after everything we've been through… The villain… who ended up killing Mario *sniff* in the end! *cries*

Goombella: *Sigh* *Sniff* Vivian… Okay… I know I've called you a villain and a traitor a bunch throughout this chapture… And to be honest, yeah… I'll admit that I still find your motives and reasons confusing at best, but ending Mario's life was definitely not your fault… You really did do the right thing in this scenario. Even if it was a bit morbid of you punching his head off like that. *sniff sniff*

Koops: Probably was actually a mercy kill in a way if you think about it.

Flurrie: If anything, we should all blame whatever fiendish monster decided to give our poor leader the rabies in the 1st place.

Koops: Yeah! Fuck that asshole! Also, probably a bit uncool of me to say this right now, but honestly, if he didn't go crazy and break up the team, he probably wouldn't have wandered around the island by himself so recklessly, yuh know? All you did was put him out of his misery..

Goombella: Also, *sniff* I did help you beat him down in that battle too.. I basically helped kill him with youu… *sniff sniff*

Vivian: *sniff sniff* Geez…. I murdered our leader, and you guys are still willing to cheer me up… *sniff* I have no idea what I did to deserve you guys in my life… I love this guild…

Yoshi: Why you suddenly calling this gang a "guild!?" Sounds fuckin dorky!

Koops: Gang? That sounds kinda funky too. Maybe. Kinda just like calling it Team M.

Goombella: Ehh feel like there's a bunch of names you can call us. So anyways… Guess we still owe him a funeral, huh?

Flavio: Ahoy, henchmen! What did I miss!?

[FUNERAL MODE]

Sad Funeral Music: Lonely Man Walking Away them from the Incredible Hulk (On Loop)

Here we have the 5 bizarre partners of Team M in tears along with some of the other crew mates circling around witnessing Mario's funeral. At this moment, Mario is already buried and they made a half assed tombstone made out of arts and crafts and macaroni in his shitty honor.

Goombella: Here we have *sniff* our hero… our video game star… *sniff* *takes a swig of Captain Morgan* Mario… *sniff sniff* Taken from this world way too early in his life… *sniff sniff* A hero, retired plumber, a fighting champion, a golfer, a tennis player, a doctor, a construction worker, a pedophile, a racist, a murderer, a narcissist, a sociopath, a Deus X Machina, a sleazy disgusting scumbag of a terrible abomination of a human being, but most of all, … a friend. Though we should look at this time and experiences with him as both an honor, as well as a cautionary life lesson to never meet your heroes and expect it all to go well, but looking back, I don't regret it… not 1 bit of it! There were down moments, upsetting moments, and other moments that I would never trade for the world. He was also a great man, a great mentor give or take, and an unstoppable force who can never be rivaled by any1… some1 who truly was 2nd to none finding ways to make the impossible, possible… *cries* I… I can't believe he's gone... *cries some more* I think I've said all I can handle… *cries* Who would… *sniff* Who would like to go up next…?

Thriff T.: I didn't really know him that well. Mostly as the guy who kept wrecking my shop.

Retard: Yeah. He just seemed like a hostile dude who kept starting shit and created a bunch of anxiety issues for every1. I don't even know why the fuck I'm even here right now. This is a waste of time.

Morgan: *sigh* I'll go next. * Swigs Captain Morgan* He is a man with no need for introduction. The way his flaccid cock would just… lie there… on that greasy lawn chair so majestically, really made me twinkle in places that I had no idea could twinkle… I felt so twinkly, that in a way, even though I felt ripped off with him not sleeping in my inn, I felt rather… rewarded in return for the window shopping he provided me…. Thank you… *sniff* That's the best thing I can say about him… no offense BTDubs.. Teehee…

Koops: Wowzers… Guess I otta go up next, huh… AHEM! *Harshly swigs Captain Morgan* K.. Yeah IDK gosh… This type of shit really don't come natural to me. Uhh… K… I mean… I'll definitely miss him too… and yeah.. kinda never thought I'd be attending Mario's funeral in my life. Especially considering the core-line main characters like Luigi and Peach are missing. Guess we got Yoshi here in a way! Hehe. But no uhh… yeah… to your point, Goombella… never meet your heroes is right! Hehe… but overall, not a completely bad time… Sure, he definitely ripped on me and ridiculed the living fuck out of me a bunch, but I will give him this, his drive and tenacity to not only collect each star, beat every boss, and accomplish everything he claimed to do, but even to go as far as to protect us even if he acted like he didn't give a flying fuck… we can all really learn something from the best and worst of him to apply to us as individuals in our own way. As long as we know to filter the good from the bad qualities of his personality, I think maybe… *sniff* maybee we'll all be alright and OH MY GOD I MISS HIM! I FUCKING MISS HIM *BLEEEERRG!* *pukes in mid eulogy* I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT THIS FUCKING SUCKS TOO MUCH! WHO WANTS TO GO NEXT!?

Dolphin Sex: I can't think of anything to say to be honest.

Dikk Ed: I got nothing good to say about him either… Guess I'll pour a bottle of this Captain Morgan on his grave and give him 1 last drink in a symbolic way I guess…

Dikk Ed opened a 750ml bottle of shitty Captain Morgan to pour on his grave.

Morgan: My other Morgan!

Flurrie: Mmm… Perhaps it is I! Madame Flurrie's time to shine in this dramatic eulogy… *Swigs Captain Morgan* I wish we had actually good rum on this brigade… AHEM! He was indeed a sexy man… and according to the necrophilia neuron deep within the bowls of my cranium, he is an even sexier man in some ways being the corpse he is, and though it is tempting not to dig up said corpse for that said pleasure and still might do that later tonight, he must not leave this world without honor… for you see, he is a man with sheer utter pride, dignity, zeel, and… devine resolve... Things that I, not even Flurrie can seem to grasp upon personally… He was perhaps my biggest fan upon my rambunctious fanbase in pornography in a way that I must ever so highly acknowledge him back and pay high regards towards as a fellow star myself… Ever since going an incredible length to find my perverted necklace, it's proven that he had been a true hero incarnate inside the limelight throughout these lovely and endeavouros adventures I must say… so with that…. May you rest in peace, and solace… for now… that is until, I Flurrie, must perform my next morbidly depraved act of the unspeakable. *sniff* Huehuehuehuehueeee…. Alright, who is up next?

Pa-Patch: Man. I be all respectin' this motha fucks and sheit. Can't say I actually know him, *swigs his Morgan* but if I were to say anything, it's that out of all the motha fuckaz I ever met, this piece of shit scared the shit out of me da most! I mean, I hadn't even seen half da shit dat yall in dis team prolly had with him, but I don't really know. I don't wanna know, and most of all, I don't need to know bout dat shit! I rest mah case.

Yoshi: Maaaaan cuz I guess you be soundin' like me and what not, guess that mean I otta go next. *Swigs Captain Morgan* Alright alright! So I know that yall know that I'm not into this whole feelings bullshit, but since our gang leader/ mah adoptive white ass dad just died today, I guess now be the time to get all personal up in this bitch! Aight. So Yei, I know this motha fuckin racist ass hockey piece of shit be saying all kinds and doin all kinda of fucked up shit to bring us here today. And y'all know what!? We not bein' much better. The fact that we all as individuals chose to align outrselves with this mad ass motha fucka, with no regards for what we stand for and why we do it, and even though the man be disrespekkin our asses left in right, I gotta axe! Finna axe y'all dis 1 question!? Was it worth it!? Did some you motha fuckaz feel like y'allz gots no choice at the time you joined his white ass party!? Some of y'all probably thinkin', "yes." As do I! Most of yall know that I was supposed to be all processed up into some lame ass hotdog for some fat ass white bitch to eat, but I knew I be better than that, and in a way, so did this Mario motha fucka even if he wanted to eat mah black Yoshi ass it don't matter! So I guess the point that I be tryin to make right here is that even though this man be actin like da piece of shit he had, it don't mean yall can't respek what he did for us as a congregation of weird ass motha fuckas! Cuz y'all can't deny that if it wasn't fo his crazy ass, most of us wouldn't be alive or living and talkin to each other today, aight!? I rest mah case.

Vivian: *Sniff* Looks like it's probably my turn to go up next… okay… Yoshi, can you please pass me the Captain Morgan?

Yoshi: Here you go, bitch!

Yoshi hands Vivian the last of the Captain Morgan.

Vivian: Thank you. *Swigs it* *CAUGH CAUGH* *Tears* Fuck… that kinda burns my throat…. *Sniff* Okay let's do this.. *sniff* So this is definitely never an event that I would ever have anticipated… As I'm sure this speaks for all of us, I always pictured Mario as the 1 to stand on top no matter what… It's really a tragic shame he had to go out the way he did and even though he sure had his fair share of not so good moments, he definitely didn't deserve to go out with rabies… I wouldn't wish that against any of my worst enemies… *cries* I hope he's resting in peace and found himself in a better place… As Yoshi said himself, he saved so many of us from our pending dooms in our lives, and even through all the negative moments, we should all remind ourselves of the positive sides of what's been accomplished here as a guild… or team… you know what I mean. *sniff* He spearheaded a path that was so great beyond any1's comprehension, and we should never ever ever ever EVER FORGET all he's accomplished for us as well… He will always remain a symbol of hope in mine, as well as all of our hearts, and we must make sure his name, and spirit will never be in vain, as he will live on within our hearts, and will never truly be gone deep down… *sniff sniff cries more* As we all hope he's in a better place, I would like to sing a song if that's okay with every1 in this eulogy…* Ahem…*

Sad Music: Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin covered by Vivian Siren

Vivian: There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold. And she's buying a stairway to Heaven. When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed. With a word she can get what she came for. Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to Heaven. There's a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure. 'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings. In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings. Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven. Ooh, it makes me wonder. Ooh, makes me wonder.

Flavio: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT MY TURN TO SING A SONG!

Koops: HAY! I WAS GETTING INTO THAT!

Flavio: That was great, but I'll have to let her finish in a bit. Now it's my turn as captain to give the most astounding eulogy the world has ever seen! AAAHAHAHA!

Koops: HOW DARE YOU, FLAVIO! SHE HAS THE VOICE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS OF GODDESSES! YOU HOWEVER, HAVE THE VOICE OF MUD PIE ON MY HAND AFTER I SCREW UP WIPING MY BUTT!

Flavio: OH YEAH!? WELL, I'LL SHOW YOU THEN!

Koops: I'LL SHOW YOU THIS! In honor of Mario, YOU LOOK LIKE MY PANTS RIGHT NOW, CUZ YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT! I bet the only time in your life you'll ever stick 1 finger up a girl's pussy, will be for your mother after feeling sorry for you while suffering from severe Alzheimer's! Also, your skin might be yellow too like mine, but I guarantee that your character design is way too ugly to pass on any era of the Simpsons!

Yoshi: Dat's right! IMMA SIDE WITH KOOPS ON THIS 1! Since he's honorin' Mario's ass with a "You look like a" comment, I guess I be joinin too! So here guess what!? You look like some honky-tonk white ass/ yellow ass George Washington racist ass bitch! Bet on your downtime that you be using it to preach on some of em libertarian forums and you probably be jackin' off to storming Peach's castle with what little bit of dick you got in your pants motha fucka what's up!?

Goombella: Yeah, Flavio! In honor of Mario, you totally look like some botched up fake shitty patriarchal douche bag that also jacks off to photos of yourself when you were like, 7! Your teeth gross me out, I hate your smile, your hair and clothes illustrate yourself as SUPER pretentious, and whatever body spray you're using is not only gross as fuck, but shows how much you need to mask how gross as fuck you are inside, and out!

Flurrie: That's right! As Mario would say so himself, you look like a virgin among all that is virginity. You make every pussy drier than every Dry Dry Desert and Shifting Sand Land meshed into 1, and every man's penis shivers into a soft and wrinkly worm that can even out class Reagan during the Reaganomics… And after preforming dubious acts upon your body, I can safely say that you're remarkably sexually unappealing personality and appearance has no room for any honor or integrity among these parts and perhaps your suicide can do the world an abundance of favors…

Vivian: Gosh… Never thought I'd ever join in on something like this in my life, but perhaps in the name of Mario, I feel this is only the right thing to do. Flavio… *sigh* You look like a fat disgusting vile pile of putrid vomit mutated into yellow snot waste that somehow formed into a sub cretin with a fake pointy nose and creepy presence trying to compensate for a moldy anchovy cock by dressing in a silly red captain uniform to mask how rotten your shitty personality is… You have little to no redeeming character qualities, you belittle and treat your crew like garbage, and you only think about yourself. You're a self absorbed, spoiled, narcissistic song interrupting, parasitic cunt rag of an abomination, and catching every STD that has ever existed would be a dramatic improvement compared to spending even 1 single meaningless night with your nauseating and toxic personality and appearance, and in all of my 1000 years of existence, I can safely say that you are the worst of living kind that has ever walked this earth and I hope your parent regret never aborting you when they had the chance to save the planet from your existence, you expired sack of rotten shit! And this time, I'm NOT sorry by the way! YOU HEAR ME!?

Koops: HOLY YIKES, VIVIAN!

Goombella: Did that just happen!?

Yoshi: DAYAMN! FUCKIN MIC DROP ON DAT SHIT!? WHEN YOU GET SO ICE COLD!?

Vivian: *giggles*

Flavio: *SWEATING* *SNIFF* *HUFFING* *Turns red* PERHAPS YOU ALL DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR POTTY MOUTHS WASHED OUT WITH SOAP AS YOU ALL HAVE TOOKEN THIS FUNERAL FROM BEING ABOUT MARIO, INTO THE FUNERAL OF MY DIGNITY AND MY RESPECT FOR ALL OF YOU! SO YOU KNOW WHAT!? IM GONNA SING THE BEST SONG THAT'S EVER EXISTED! VIVIVAN! I Flavio, shall best you in the art of who carries the greatest wings regarding vocal cords! Here I go *gasps*

Flavio: I'm sailing away. Set an open course for the Virgin Sea. 'Cause I've got to be free. Free to face the life that's ahead of me. On board, I'm the captain So climb aboard. We'll search for tomorrow On every shore And I'll try, oh Lord, I'll try To carry on.

EVERY1: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHJHHHHHHHH!

Koops: OH NO! THIS GARBAGE IS SO AWFUL! I'D RATHER HEAR 1 OF CHRIS CHAN'S COVERS OVER THIS NONSENSE!

Flurrie: THIS IS MOST UNSETTLING! AND MAY I REMIND YOU ALL, I'VE PERFORMED COUNTLESS SCAT FETISH FILMS!

Vivian: THIS IS WHAT MY ZEPPELIN COVER WAS INTERRUPTED FOR!?

Flavio: I look to the sea Reflections in the waves, spark my memory Some happy, some sad I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had We lived happily forever So the story goes But somehow we missed out On the pot of gold But we'll try, best that we can To carry on.

Yoshi: CAN I PLEASE MURDER THIS MOTHA FUCKA NOW!?

Goombella: YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET IN LINE, YOSHI! FUCK THIS GUY FOR RUINING A TOUCHING SERIES OF MOMENTS ON THE INTERNET!

Suddenly out of nowhere, a bag of life shrooms spawned above Mario's burial.

Morgan: OMG! What the fuck is that!?

The life shrooms spontaneously popped into Mario's oral cavity for his decapitated corpse to swallow. Whatever the fuck is wrong with these physics, I have no idea.

Mario bursts out of the ground back to normal with his head back on in the heep of rage.

Mario: FLAVIO!

Mario: SHUT!

Mario: THE!

Mario: FUCK!

Mario: UP!

[END OF FUNERAL]

Every1: …

Mario: …

Every1: …

Mario: …

Every1: …

Mario: … the FUCK Y'ALL LOOKIN AT!?

Flavio: OH MY GOD! 1ST GHOSTS APPEAR, AND NOW ZOMBIES. RUUUUUUNNNN!

In the heid of soiling himself, Flavio ran away never to be seen again for the remainder of this subchapter

Goombella: HOLY SHIT, MARIO! YOU'RE ALIVE! *BLEEEERG!*

Goombella puked on the ground due to the shock of this fucked up situation!

Vivian: IT'S A MIRACLE!

Mario: What? Me having a fucking bag of life shrooms on me? Guess it was a little odd that it took this long to activate instead of during [BATTLE MODE] Ah well. Maybe that's because I collected 1 off screen for my secret inventory after I did some of my own shopping at that Twilight Sparkle shop.

Koops: Wait… secret inventory?

Mario: Yeah! Sometimes, I collect items off screen and don't tell any1 encase 1 of you fuckers get in the way of it.

Koops: How does that work!?

Goombella: So…. You mean like if 1 of us died, you would've prevented me, or any of us besides yourself from getting revived then?

Mario: I had to prioritize the Life Shrooms somehow! If 1 of you die, the adventure moves on and who gives a fuck. If fucking Mario dies, WE'RE ALL FUCKED! What do think this story is called!? "Super Partners and the 1000 Year Drama!?"

Yoshi: Well shit. I thought we was already becoming the main characters without you.

Mario: Oh come on. You really think a story called "Super Mario and the 1000 Year Drama" would continue if my name is in the fucking title!? Who the fuck's gonna wanna read that hot garbage!?

Koops: Well… I thought it was getting good…

Flurrie: It really gave us some long needed time to shine harder than my nipples by a sprinkler on a sunny day in Hamburg Germany…

Mario: Well anyway, like I said. Who really gives a flying fuck. Anyway, who's ready to get the fuck out of this overly dragged out filler arc, and back to the main story!?

Team M: …

Koops: Wait, I'm confused. So… didn't you actually break up the team cuz you didn't trust us not too long ago?

Mario: Well after losing my mind from rabies, it made me think some shit over. You guys all have some unique things to yourselves that might annoy the pissing fuck out of me, but even though I am the star of this show, you 5 all kinda bring something entertaining to people for better or worse. Whether I trust you fuckers or not by the end of the day doesn't really matter nor will it ever. It's not like this team of retarded rand-Os is founded on any legit trust between us. It's founded by-a ME, Fucking Mario! Also, given that you guys were still able to use FP, and have my badges still equipped including the 1s that boost your guys' attack power, it's not like Team M ACTUALLY broke up in the 1st place. Anyway, besides all the cock juggling niddy griddy bullshit details, who's ready to finally pick up where we left off this Chapture, eh!?

Party Members: …

Goombella: … Mario… As much as I am happy to see that you're alive, … After what you said while you were "supposedly" breaking up the team, it still left us with a pretty bad mark… I just don't know if I really would feel comfortable continuing working alongside you again after all that stuff you said...

Vivian: Same here to be honest… I'm incredibly happy you're alive too, but even though I know you may have acted out on some possible trauma response by breaking up the team and not trusting, it hurts me to admit this, but after you went from taking me in, to gradually treating me poorly, I don't think trusting you is something I'm emotionally capable of doing myself even if I tried… *sniff* It really does go both ways, you know… And in a way, I thought I learned that lesson from you…

Koops: Yeah, Mario. Besides how you've been acting lately, you've just been a complete fucking asshole to all of us most of the time. And you're just expecting us to look the other way? That's fucking wackerdoodles, and you know it!

Yoshi: 1st you bring us into this gang family, then break us up in the middle of a jungle island, and now you revivin' this gang back up and shit!? I'm sorry, man. You maybe tough as fuck, but I think I kinda dig our new team without you! Just the 5 of us!

Flurrie: Yoshi's right! 5 makes a nice orgy, but 6 is a crowd! Especially if there's no trust with you anymore, Mario…

Mario: Oh Ji- Come on, guys! You fuckers want me to get on my knees, say I'm sorry, and beg for your guys' forgiveness!?

Flurrie: Yes… You should always be worshiping, adoring, and bowing to Madame Flurrie in the flesh at all times…

Pa-Patch: Ay, guys. We should get goin… this shits starting to sound personal up in this bitch!

Morgan: But this shits getting so exciting! Don't you wanna stay and watch?

Dolphin Sex: I ain't touchin' that shit with a 5 inch chode if you ask me. I'm dippin'.

Morgan: Pfffft… fine then…

Mario: So even though you guys probably won't be able to survive this island and probably way more likely get killed off without some1 like me around, you still don't wanna rejoin!? That's fucking retarded on so many levels!

Yoshi: Technically, I still got Koops here's phone and I can easily 911 our asses offf this island, but we trying to complete this fucking Dedly Star collection just like your ass be tryin to!

Mario: Well then I don't get why you didn't just harvest my pockets, and inventory while I was ded and had the chance. You dumb fucks would have the 4 stars, the map, my coins, my badges, items, and as much of my identification shit as Doopliss did!

Koops: Oh shit! Whoopsies… that's right! We would've had to dig you up for all that anyways. Hehe…

Flurrie: I had my agenda already planned.

Vivian: I still don't know how I will feel with having you back on the team…. I do still care about you, and I know we all do… On 1 hand, yes. We probably have a better shot at surviving this story with you, and you do give good resolutions. On the other hand, there's just no trust between you and us! On top of that, I feel like if we continued this relationship, I'd worry that we would keep falling into the same conflicts in abusive circles, you know…

Goombella: I get it's logically easier to work with you again having all the stars and shit, but still. That thing you said about letting me get raped was especially totally all kinds of not okay! I'm still pisssd off. We all are still pissed off! But yeah I know. I wish there was a way we can just continue our adventures separately, but I know we all kinda have the same goal. I just don't know what the right thing to do is in this scenario…

Mario: *sigh* Okay fine. Look. So I think I have about 1 more fart in me that rips the fabric of time and space. What are your guys' thoughts on me using that to talk to Miyamoto 1 last time before that joke gets too stale to use again? And if so… what if I ask him for something you dipshits want and can get Team M back up and running?

Koops: You're actually gonna hack the game again for us?

Goombella: Maybe hacking the rest of the dedly stars in our inventory would be ideal, but that probably won't be much fun. I don't exactly wanna cut our story short like that…

Vivian: Hmm… I feel like maybe we should all have our own inventory bag like you, Mario. Might be easier than always just relying on you for items. Plus we can carry more as a collective! Just a thought.

Yoshi: On top of that, we want our own individual pool of coins for us to spend and go buyin shit with!

Mario: Wait… seriously? Pretty sure you all were able to do that the whole time if you wanted to. I get there's game mechanics that give me more control over you guys than there should be, but…. No … fuck it. Fine. I think I get what you're all trying to say. This is about being treated more fairly as characters. I get that. Anything else before I fart this portal out?

Vivian: Hmmmmmmmmm….. Maybe if we each have our own FP pool, that might be useful! Or wait… would that just make keeping track of shit too complicated?

Goombella: As good as that sounds and while it does make sense we have our own individual sources of FP instead of sharing it as a team, it does make picturing Leveling Up kind of awkward. And how much FP do we each get anyway?

Koops: I'd say we do what we did with BP and hack to make it infinite, but that might make the boss fights especially less fun to read I think.

Mario: Okay… so individual coin and item pools. That's it? Nothing else?

Flurrie: I still would like to fuck you. Can you ask Miyamoto for that?

Mario: No fucking way! Alright, hold on. Stand back every1.

Mario (let's just say his clothes reappeared when he came back from the grave so it's easier to picture) undid his overalls, pulled down his pants, and farted out a dimensional time rift.

Mario: Alright. I'll be back, fuck-Os!

Mario jumped through the fart portal.

Mario popped out in Miyamoto's office.

Mario: Hey, Miyamoto. I'm not trying to make it a huge habit by fart ripping into your office as many times as I have and I'll try making this the last 1. So anyway, my partners are pissed at me. They won't rejoin my team unless they feel like I won them something. So even though they technically already have this, they apparently want some kind of personal inventory of their own to make them all feel better about themselves. It's kind of a "pretend-gesture" and I know you understand that logic very well 1st hand, but think you can make a useless game physics tweak for them?

Miyamoto: Hai. (Yes)

Mario: Cool! Thank you for understanding. Hey, also, about that dream I had 2 nights ago. I know it was technically more of a flashback than a dream, but why did you need to fabricate my partners as your Yakuza henchmen torturers for me from the late 70s? We know it was just more shady Japanese men in suits, and making them my partners just made me more mad at them when I woke up. Well anyway, guess I gotta get going. Hopefully you decide not to count this 1 fart portal since it's kind of a 'made-up' hack if you know what I mean. It's not like Yoshi doesn't have 10 fucking whacka bumps already.. haha… anyway… Hope to catch you later! Sorry to bother you!

Mario portaled back to Keelhaul Key where his partners are.

Koops: Wow! That was quick! Did it work?

Mario: alright. It's been done. You all have your own inventory that goes up to 5 or 10 items for some reason in Yoshi's case. And you can start collecting coins at your own leisure. So now can we get back to the god damn adventure again!?

Every1 Else: …

Goombella: Okay…. Fine. Guess we're all better off rejoining the team anyway.

Koops: Yeah, might as well. Thank you for the gesture and hwat not. Even still, I still don't feel like talking to you for a little while…

Flurrie: I agree…. Happy to reunite our little team… though rebuilding trust certainly takes time, like a bundle of canker sores around your pusswah region taking months to fully heal…

Yoshi: Yei. I'm a little mixed on all this shit too, but fuck it! Part of me kinda misses the adventurin' shit we allz waz doin anyway!

Vivian: Yeah… okay. If every1 on the team is alright with this, then so am I! But like some of us have been saying. Trust is definitely gonna take a little while to rework into things. And yeah. Don't be too surprised if I'm a little stand-offish with you as well in all honesty. Just would rather avoid random conflicts as much as possible.

Goombella: Same here. I'll be willing to interact with you in a business or adventuring sense, but hopefully not much more than that. I oddly for some bizarre reason care about you still, but have to admit. I seriously don't like you anymore, and you officially ruined any future Mario game for me by association from this point on…

Mario: Alright! Well, fuck it then, cool! Well, fuckin' guess it looks like Team M is back in action, babay! Alright. What do you say we stock up on items, and set off to get that fucking star like the old days!

Chapture 6 - 12: Jungle Bungle

And so, Mario and his consistently strange ass friend are strangely reunited more strange than fucking ever. Anyhoo, despite all of Yoshi's complaining over it, they hit up Thriff T.'s Keelhaul Galleria shop, and bought a bunch of shit. And yes, some of the partners had money from beating some enemies earlier and had their inventory which they kinda already have been establishing like morons not realizing it in hindsight. So let's establish it narratively!

Mario Inventory: [1: Galactic Alien Zombie Dragon Vagelly Juice, 3: Bag of Super Shrooms, 1: Bag of Ultra Shrooms, 1: Fire Flower, 2: Ice Storms, 2: Vagelly Juice]

Smallest side detail ever, sometime while they were on the S. for 1 week, Mario got bored, and tricked Flavio into eating that mistake Zess T. made as a 'fuck you' to them. As any1 can expect, it was both metaphorically, and quite literally a shit show. 4 other characters jacked off to it with Flurrie being 1 of them.

Goombella Inventory: 1: Fire Flower, 1: Bag of Super Shrooms, 1: Nixon Mask, 1: Ice Storm, 1: Vagelly Syrup]

Koops Inventory: [1 Sleepy Sheep, 1, Bag of Super Shrooms, 1 Nixon Mask]

Flurrie Inventory: [Nothing]

Yoshi Inventory: [10 Whacka Bumps]

Vivian Inventory: [1 Ice Storm, 1 Nixon Mask, 1 Vagelly Syrup, 1 Bag of Super Shrooms]

Mario: Welp, team… hope you all are digging the new and improved inventory list we all have as "individuals".

Koops: We sure are! You have no idea how good this feels!

Mario: Shut up, Koops. You had that ability the whole goddamn time, and you're too stupid to realize it.

Yoshi: Man, I told y'all not to shop at that bullshit-artist's shop. Takin' advantage of a tragic shipwreck and shit… Y'all should be ashamed and know better.

Flurrie: I guess when it all comes down to it, beggars really can't be choosers.

Goombella: You didn't even buy anything, Flurrie!

Vivian: I actually kinda like his new location under a cave and using the ship sail as an awning! I think that's what those things are called to make a shop look more shoppy like that, right?

Goombella: I'm starting to notice you actually talk more than I do.

Vivian: I do? Oh shit… sorry.

Morgan: Holy shit, guys! Check it out! I think after every1's been seeing all you guys fight a bunch over dumb shit, now it's getting contagious and I am absolutely loving this! Ooooooooo so excitiiiiiiing!

Meanwhile, another big dumb argument was happening as if you're not worn out by all the Team M drama that's happened already.

Pa-Patch: Maaaaan, why you goin up bringing up them blue ass propane fume motha fuckin ghosts out of the blue now!?

Flavio: Because as your writchous captain of all that is good and writchous in this world, I must remind you that it is in fact YOU! Who is the so-called, quote on quote, "bitch" in this situation given that you turned to vagjelly when you saw all those ghosts! And it is in fact, I who wields the powers of the greatest and more desirable of testicular regions!

Pa-Patch: Whathu are you talkin' 'bout, Flavio?! You were the 1 shittin' and leakin' down yo boots, shitty britches!

Flavio: ...Wait. Wait just 1 moment. Did... Did you just call the great Flavio and I quote, "SHITTY BRITCHES"?

Pa-Patch: You goddamn right, Shitty Britches! In fact, I think imma make a beat otta this. Here I go! Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches, Shitty britches!

Yoshi: Yo. So, I do be diggin' this beat and all, but why we be watchin' a big dumb argument like this again? Haven't we been dealing with enough of this shit!?

Koops: We just keep getting roped into these guys' bullshit apparently…

Morgan: Guys wait! This is the best part!

Flavio: *angry* Why, you black round nincompoop esc CYCLOPS! I, the GREAT AND WONDERFUL! Flavio, demands satisfaction right here and now! You! Me! I challenge you to a duel of fisticuffs!

Pa-Patch: Daaaaaaayaaaaamnnnnnn! That prob' be the dumbest ass shit I ever heard you say in your motha fuckin life! Promise you finna regret all kinds of that shit!

Flavio: Game on! As your supreme captain, you are already predestined to lose!

Suddenly, a brigade of 3 blue flames spirits struck again.

Phantoms: ProOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOopaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAne…

Pa-Patch: Oh shit, motha fucka they're back!

Flavio: QUICK! HIIIIIIIDE!

Flavio and Pa-Patch very much like bitches hid behind Mario and co. Without any trace of dignity left.

Mario: Ay! What are you gay wads trying to do behind me now?

Flavio: Mario! I am well aware that I have disparaged you and your teammates ever so… but as your c-c-c-c-c-captain, I order you… Front and center. Take on these ghosts! Stat!

Mario: Giving me fucking orders? I can face off and fuck absolutely anything in sight! Even you! I have the power to have sex with fire, and I can live to tell about it!

Vivian: Wait, hehe… what was that?

Goombella: Eww..

Flurrie: KINK UNLOCKED!

[BATTLE MODE]

Battle Music: Feel the Fire by Overkill

Mario: Power Level: 53/184 [10HP]

Goombella: Power Level: 20/65 [6HP]

Koops: Power Level: 14/68 [3HP]

Flurrie: Power Level: 88 [25HP]

Yoshi: Power Level: 41/55 [15HP]

Vivian: Power Level: 7/70 [2HP]

FP:0

VS

Blue Flame 1 (Age 1033): Power Level: 20

Blue Flame 2 (Age 1027): Power Level: 20

Blue Flame 3 (Age 1029): Power Level: 20

[TURN 1]

Mario: Oh god fuckin damnit! Wish we thought to heal ourselves and replenish our FP before starting this shit. Oh well. Goombella. You wanna tattle these blue fuck flames while I figure out who fights with me?

Goombella: Gotcha.

Goombella uses tattle on 1 of the Blue Flames: These things are known as "Embers." Sounds kinda lazy for a pale-blue flame spirit thing. Max HP is 8, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. Also, PLEASE don't use any moves that involve touching it! As if it isn't fucking obvious enough not to touch flames, let alone having sex with them some how…

Mario: Don't judge me.

Mario: Hmm okay. Still haven't decided which 1 of you to use 1st. Goombella's attacks involve touching, Koops is low as fuck on HP, Flurrie's moves mostly involve touching too…

Flurrie: Indeed they do…

Mario: Yoshi's involve touching, and we're also drained on FP meaning no mini eggs. Vivian's either involve touching, or setting them on fire which would probably fucking heal them also she's the lowest on HP. Alright. Fuck it. I have a lazy idea. Koops! Hand me your Nixon mask!

Koops: Are you gonna do what I think you're gonna do?

Mario: You know it!

Koops begrudgingly hands Mario his Richard Nixon mask as Mario places it over his face and undoes his overall to flash his Mario cock for the sake of performing a windmill like function.

Mario: AAAARUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! VOTE FOR MEEEEEEEEEEREEE!'

Blue Flame: PROPAAAAAAAAAANEEEE!

With the luck of the draw on Mario's side, all 3 embers dipped the fuck off and never to be seen again. The End! Unfortunately no experience points was gained in the process, but at least no 1 fucking died this time!

[END OF BATTLE]

Mario: Fuck it. I don't feel like we pussed out on that 1. Not after that dumb battle where we drained eachother's resources like a bunch of dumb fucks tryin to play Fight Club.

Pa-Patch: DAYAMN! YOU UNAPOLOGETICALLY BE SCARIN THEM MUTHA FUCKAZ OFF WITH THAT SHIT!

Flavio: MRRRR….. I say it's too early to start being cocky and praising the man! Mario, as your captain, I command you and your crew mates to explore the island for more blue fire ghosts!

Goombella: Uhh… yeah. We kinda agreed we were gonna basically do that anyway…. Sorta.

Yoshi: Bet you be made of too much bitch to go explore that shit on your own. Hehe.

Flavio: Well you see, as leader of the expedition, I must stay back here. The reason why is because if the rest of the crew mates are without their captain for 5 whole minutes, this escapade may in fact plunder into chaos and disarray! If I, however, stay back, I will be guaranteed unharmed and our crew can live on functionally as less drinking, smoking, drug use, gay pirate orgies, and all of that tomfoolery can and must be prevented for our own preservation's sake.

Goombella: Why do I keep feeling like you go from wanting to join if there's treasure involved, to wanting to stay back if it's about ghosts…

Vivian: If you would rather not go, that's okay.

Koops: Yeah… honestly don't see how you can be of much use.

Mario: Plus we've kind of established how much we fucking hate you, you sack of donkey dandruff asshole shavings.

Flavio: Well fine! You all insulted me, and my singing anyways! Consider yourselves off my crew! Perma-banned!

Goombella: I don't believe we ever technically joined your dumb crew…

Mario: Don't waste your breath, Goombella. This twat-wad was breast fed way too long to the point of perpetual narcissism, and he should be ashamed of himself for it. Alright, cool! Let's get going!

Goombella: And Yoshi! Sorry to ask you this, but can some of us borrow a few of your whacka bumps you collected from that diglett thing earlier?

Yoshi: Sheeeit! Why I gotta give up that many of a mah bumps like some ho-ass bitch!?

Goombella: I don't know! Maybe cuz we don't wanna be ambushed into a fight unprepared with low HP and FP like that again, doofus!

Yoshi: Fuck it. Good point I guess. So who else needs 1!

Koops: I need 1!

Vivian: Same.

Goombella: I clearly need 1 too, and so does Mario.

Mario: Fuck it. Haven't had 1 of these in years. Since my last desert level in this vanilla series.

Flurrie: I would like to partake in 1 if I wasn't pretending to be on a keto diet. Also, my HP if full and probably wouldn't be especially useful…

Yoshi: Alight then. Guess I'll be down to 6 of em. Suit yourselves. Here, catch!

Yoshi throws a whacka bump each at Mario, Goombella, Vivian, and Koops who all instinctively catch them with their mouths like dogs and restore all their HP and FP.

Vivian: Yummy!

Mario: This shit takes me back.

Goombella: Not bad at all!

Koops: Tastes kinda toasty in a good way!

Goombella: I don't think I'll ever understand the science behind how whacka bumps are generated nor how they pack so much health and flower power.

Koops: Maybe it's kinda like how owls poop! You know. Out their mouths and stuff.

Goombella: Don't put that image in my head after we just ate those! Sheesh.

Flurrie: Okay. Now I want 1.

Moving on now,

Dupree: Ho ho ho…. Ça fait longtemps que je ne vois pas mon équipe de canailles voluptueuses et sexy. On se retrouve au moins… Car c'est moi, Depree Pierre Polnareff… (Ho ho ho…. Long time no see, my sexy voluptuous team of scoundrels We meet again at least… For it is I, Depree Pierre Polnareff…)

Goombella: Oh god damnit! Not this euro trash pervert again!

Vivian: Oh hey. He's speaking French!

Koops: How did he actually get on this island!?

Dupree: La vie trouve un chemin. Surtout quand je peux retrouver la plus belle des dames. Surtout quand leurs mèches sont toujours aussi roses et lumineuses comme les catacombes vaginales de Jeanne D'Arc… (Life find a way. Especially when I can trace the loveliest of ladies. Especially when their locks are ever so pink and lucious like the vaginal catacombs of Jeanne D'Arc…)

Vivian: Is… he referring to me? If so, I don't think I like this…

Koops: Gee wizz. Really? Grr… I hope I can understand what he's saying so I can get mad and beat him up for it!

Dupree: Oh hohohoho indeed my fine shadow maiden with curves of the finest hour glasses of beyond the heavens. (Oh hohohoho indeed, my fine shadow maiden with curves of the finest hourglasses from beyond the heavens.)

Goombella: Why am I actually oddly annoyed that you've been getting more guy attention than me lately, Vivian? Especially from total creep-Os!

Vivian: I'm sorry, Goombella… I'm definitely not asking for it myself… believe me…

Dupree: J'adorerais partager une Tour Eiffel au-delà de vos rêves les plus fous avec de nombreuses graines plantées en pure satisfaction. (I would love to share an Eiffel Tower beyond your wildest dreams with many seeds planted within of sheer satisfaction.)

Flurrie: Perhaps I, Flurrie can twist his noggin around for our own sheer satisfaction sakes.

Mario: I gots an idea!

Mario took out his hammer and broke 1 of his knee caps!

Dupree: AAAAHHHHH! MES PUTAINS DE GENOUILLÈRES ! COMMENT OSEZ-VOUS VOUS MOQUER DE MOI AVEC UNE VIOLENCE MORBIDE ALORS ! OOOOWWWWW! OOOOOWWWWWWEEEWWWW! (AAAAHHHHHH! MY FUCKING KNEE CAPS! HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME WITH MORBID VIOLENCE SO! OOOOWWWWW! OOOOOWWWWWWEEEEWWWW!)

Yoshi: DAMN! HIS KNEE BE BUSTED AND SHIT!

Vivian: Mario! I know that he was getting weird and thirsty over me, but don't you think that's a bit cruel and unnecessary!?

Goombella: Are you really surprised at this point?

Mario: Now the other 1!

Mario does a ground pound hard enough to the other knee cap to the point where he applied enough pressure to shoot half his leg off his body.

Yoshi: DAT'S HOW WE DO IT!

Dupree: MA PUTAIN DE JAMBE! MAUDIEZ-VOUS RAPSCALLION ITALIEN! TEEEEEEEEE MAAAAAAAUDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEER! (MY FUCKING LEG! CURSE YOU, FOUL ITALIAN RAPSCALLION! CUUUUUURSE YOOOOOOOOU!)

Vivian: *sigh* I guess I'm not entirely surprised anymore…

Flurrie: I personally find many fancies in it… That I do…

Mario: Yay! Now he can bleed out to death and unable to walk. Probably won't hear from him after a slow and painful deth. So long, Ugly Random Blue French Disco Dog Shitty Random looking Character!

Koops: Gee wilikers, Mario. 1st his eye, then his arm, then his back, and now his legs? What part of his body you think you're gonna destroy next?

Mario: Hopefully there won't be a next time from here.

Vivian: Aww…. Now I wish he can find some way to help him.

Goombella: Relax. He'll probably be fine.

Vivian: Mmmokay…

Meanwhile again,

Koops: Hey! Any1 see any more of those fire ghosts? Guess they are low key kinda spooky. Surprised I haven't shat myself yet despite that roast I gave Flavio earlier. Maybe it's mostly cuz I was on acid back when I shat myself a fuck ton.

Goombella: You talk waaaaay too much about your bowl movements, and you should be ashamed.

Flurrie whispers in Koops' ear.

Flurrie: you're fine….

Koops: *BLEEEEEERG!*

Koops almost puked on Vivian and was dangerously close.

Goombella: HAHA! YOU WERE SO CLOSE TO GETTING THE DUMB BITCH WITH THAT!

Vivian: Holy shit!

Koops: OMG! I'M SO SORRY, VIVIAN! YOU'RE NOT HURT, ARE YOU!?

Mario: Why the fuck would puke hurt her?

Vivian: I'm good! Yikes though. That was a close 1. You okay?

Koops: Aww…

As Koops got all blushy again as if he totally didn't have some weird obvious crush on her that most Paper Mario fan's find relatable, some recurring tropical enemies suddenly appeared. Yay! More filler!

Green Fuzzy 3 (Age 68): KABLAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!

Putrid Piranha 4 (Age 43): That's right, my Green Fuzzy fuck friend! Looks like we got some new meat on this island…

Mario: Oh yay. More generic palette swaps of generic enemies.

Goombella: Mario. What's with the raciest out of left field comment?

Mario: What? It's not a racial thing! It's about palate swaps. Tell me I'm wrong!

Flower Fuzzy 3(Age 72): KABIBBITY BLAUUUUUUGH! KABIBBITY BLAUUUUUUUUUUGH!

Putrid Piranha 5 (Age 46): You can say that again, Flower Fuzzy! Something about the Koopa in the blue hoodie and sexy alluring bandaid on his nose really captures my lustful desires…. Yes… not every day we have Koopas on here!

Koops: Oh fuck. That's right! We learned that these types of Piranha Plants have a thing for my species!

Mario: What? Fucking seriously? Weird.

Flurrie: Oh myy…

Yoshi: EWW! THAT NASTY!

Mario: WELP! Guess we got ourselves another random battle up in here!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level: 184

Goombella: Power Level: 65

Koops: Power Level: 68

Flurrie: Power Level: 88

Yoshi: Power Level: 43/55

Vivian: Power Level: 70

VS

Green Fuzzy 3: Power Level: 13

Putrid Piranha 4: Power Level: 20

Flower Fuzzy 3: Power Level: 15

Putrid Piranha 5: Power Level: 20

Battle Music: Sucking on your Pussy on a Friday Night by the Murder Junkies

[TURN 1]

Goombella: You know. Not the worst situation in the world. Got a tattle I can shoot for.

Mario: Yeah yeah. Real completionists with them tattles, huh.

Goombella: Ah, why don't you just go suck it or something.

Goombella uses tattle on Putrid Piranha: Those are Putrid Piranhas. Basically, just like those Pale Piranhas from Boggly Woods, and kinda Glitzville too, but poisonous breath, and better stats. Max HP is 8, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0 just like the Blue Flames. It bites, AND it attacks with super-rank poison breath. Breath mints won't work to nullify their poison breath too I'm afraid. And hopefully this isn't too obvious of a reminder, but in case you're gonna be stupid, just a heads up. Your HP will slowly go down 1 hit per turn when poisoned so yeah.

Mario: Gotcha. Kinda like Vivian's flames but with poison.

Goombella: Sorta like that, yeah.

Yoshi: Aight good to know! And since I haven't gotten a turn all chapture to fight, I declare it be mah turn and shit!

Koops: Weren't you fighting a bunch off screen from what you mentioned earlier?

Yoshi: Off Screen! But we need some of dat on screen shit going on!

Koops: Fine…

Mario uses Quake Hammer causing a small earthquake and doing [5 Damage] on all opponents including somehow murdering the Green Fuzzy. Them be some powerful ground vibrations!

Flower Fuzzy 3: KABBLLLAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!

Yoshi: Haven't done this move in a while! Let's bust deez nuts!

Yoshi uses mini eggs. You know? The move where he shits out Yoshi Eggs and they usually shrink the opponents? Yeah so they each got delt 1 of these doing [1 Damage] each, shrinking both Putrid Piranhas, and killing the Flower Fuzzy.

The miniaturized Putrid Piranha went to bite Yoshi, and did probably about [2 Damage] making Yoshi feel a little bit poisoned.

Yoshi: Ow, motha fucka!

Putrid Piranha 2 does the same and goes for Mario who got lucky and used a well timed superguard punching it in the face. [-1 Damage]

[TURN 2]

Yoshi: Eww… Man, I don't know about you, but I'm starting to feel like shit right about now…. Let's get this shit ova with!

Yoshi feeling like shit suffered another loss of [1 Damage]

Mario uses a regular hammer move dealing a solid blow to the 1st mini sized plant [5 Damage]

Yoshi uses his ground pound. Him forgetting that Putrid tilt their heads upwards and got quite literally bit in the ass. [-1 Damage]

Goombella: Yoshi! Did you really just forget about their teeth functioning as spikes, you idiot!?

Yoshi: Fuck off! I forgot about that shit! I just figured they were tiny, and that'd cancel that shit out or somethin'.

Vivian: It's understandable! You're doing great, Yoshi!

Yoshi: Don't patronize my ass either!

Piranha Plant 2 bites Yoshi and does [2 Damage]

Yoshi: FUCK! That shit hurts worse than you think.

[TURN 3]

Yoshi continues to feel the effects of poison. [1 Damage]

Mario: Holy shit, Yoshi. You're sucking fuck in this fight!

Yoshi: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS SHIT WAS GONNA HAPPEN!? This battle logic be all kinds of fucked up!

Mario: *Sigh* Should've just went with Koops or Vivian instead… Even Flurrie would've been an improvement. Alright. Let's just get this shit over with.

In 1 more hoorah, Mario slams the last Putrid Piranha doing another killing blow. [5 Damage]

[END OF BATTLE]

The enemies dropped a super lightning blotto (check the name) that they probably were too stupid to remember they had.

Mario: Well that was kinda embarrassing. Remind me not to call on you for a battle unless there's a floating thing with 0 Defense that isn't made of fire or spikes.

Yoshi: Yeah whatever… That round be all kinds of bullshit, and y'all know it.

Vivian: Don't beat yourself up too much! Shrinking the opponents did some good I think.

Goombella: Feel like it wasted more FP than it was worth. Used 3 FP to save Yoshi from an extra 2 damage.

Yoshi: Man, fuck this shit. Now I be all the laughing stock of the team and sh- *BLEEEEEEEEERG!*

Yoshi puked on the ground from the poison still in effect [1 Damage]

Yoshi: God damn! This shit ain't supposed to be in effect outside of [BATTLE MODE]! The fucks goin on!?

Vivian: Uh oh.. Are you okay, Yoshi?

Yoshi: I'm fine! Just a little poisoned is all!

Vivian: But… That doesn't sound okay!

Goombella: I think it's supposed to last about 9 turns. Meaning it gradually does that much damage gradually… So I'm guessing you have about 6 more of those moments left.

Koops: Oh shit! Wish we had some tonic water or something that can help cure poison! Reminds me of the time I thought the bubble water in that Boggly Tree was liquid candy!

Flurrie: Perhaps Flurrie can be of some use and suck the venom out of you, Yoshi…

Yoshi: If you do that shit, I think imma just get so badly fuckin' sick, I die or some shit from your gross ass mouth!

Koops: Ay look over there! A bridge? You guys wanna see what's past it!?

Goombella: I think that might be the bridge that leads into that cave area we were talking about earlier.

Mario: Can confirm! That's around where I got the rabies!

Vivian: Yikes! Well, good to know. We'll be ready to fight off whatever thing infected you with it.

Mario: Takes 1 to know 1.

Vivian: QUIET! I think I know what you're referring to!

Koops: Referring to what?

Vivian: NOTHING! *blushes* Not important! Let's just cross that bridge, and move on…

Koops: Uhh.. Oki Doke!

Yoshi: Wait a sec... Wasn't them mini eggs supposed to do 2 Damage each with dat Power Plus P badge!? Okay yeah! I gotta call bullshit on that last battle fo sho then!

Koops: Oh fuck, that's right! Sounds like a glitch moment.

Mario: Or IAMMaster just forgetting that badge applies to that move like a dumb mother fucker.

Yoshi: Yei… And I KNOW dat if the damage applies the way it was supposed to that it would've ended that fuckin battle way the fuck sooner!

Mario: Well if that shit happens again, I'm game on breaking through time and space 1 more time to deck the author in the face!

As they began walking up the bridge. They noticed,

Dolphin Sex: GUYS! WE FOUND ADMIRAL BOBBERY!

Lord Crump: HEY! YOU FOUND ME TOO, REMEMBER!?

While Dolphin Sex, Lord Crump, and Admiral Bobbery are stuck on a middle of the bridge, a crowd of blue flame spirits circled around the 3 crew members. Perhaps as some sort of dumb prank. Who knows.

Bobbery: By Blubbery's Buttholes! Is that there Mario over yunder!? Oh hohoho! You're alive, old boy!

Mario: Well of course I am! Who the hell do you think I am!?

Koops: Did he know about your rabies somehow?

Bobbery: You folks came just in the nick of time!

Goombella: Wait Bobbery!? Where were you all this time!?

Bobbery: No time to explain! Now get these 2 planking prostate parlors out of here this instant!

Dolphin Sex: Say what? But what about you!? You're are the admiral, right? And your life is way more valuable than any of ours!

Koops: Am I the only 1 worried that those flames are gonna set the bridge on fire?

Blue Flames : PrOoOoOoOoPaAaAaAaAnNnNnNnNnEeEeEeEe…. PrOoOoOoOoPaAaAaAaAnNnNnNnNnEeEeEe!

Bobbery: Leave it to me! Young Dolphin Sex? Remember who you are, and where your name came from!

Lord Crump: Pretty Sure his name is pretty damn self-explanatory like you said before! You know how many aquariums this chucklehead got banned from!? Hehe yeah.

Dolphin Sex: It's true!

Bobbery: Don't you cluster cunts argue with me on this! I'll keep these pussy ass blue flame monsters busy while you get out of here! I've fucked with far worse. Now Flee god damnit! Fleeeee!

Dolphin Sex: But Admiral!?

Admiral Bobbery: That's an order! Let me do what I must do! NOW, AWAY! ALL OF YOU!

Bobbery performed a badass spin move that with sheer coordination, three Dolphin Sex and Lord Crump off the bridge towards Mario and company without them landing in the water or rocking the bridge a bunch. Pretty skilled for a character without any arms!

Dolphin Sex: Hey! Nice throw!

Mario: Wait a fucking second! Can't we just fuck these blue guys up!? What are we waiting around for!?

Lord Crump: Hey fuck you, McNugget Fucker! Bobbery here sais to run off! Now let's ditch his wrinkly explosive ass and get the fuck noodles otta here heheh yeah!

Vivian: Wait! What if he blows up if he fights those!? Cuz he's a Bob-Omb! And their fire! Right?

Yoshi: And blow up dat bridge on top of it.

Lord Crump: THERE'S NO TIME! WE GOTTA RUN GOD DAMNIT, RUUUUNNNN! RUN FASTER THAN I HAD TO 1 TIME OUTRUNNING SECURITY STAFF AFTER I STREAKED DURING A RANDOM DRAG SHOW IN L.A.! HEHE YEAH!

Robotnik in a massive burst of adrenaline, grabbed Mario, Yoshi, Goombella, Vivian, Dolphin Sex, Koops, and Flurrie above his head and ran off with all of team M in his greasy immoral hands.

Vivian: How exactly is he able to carry me when I'm supposed to be attached to the ground!?

Goombella: I don't know! You're the 1 with the fucked up anatomy, remember!?

After a little bit of running,

Mario: WILL YOU LET THE FUCK GO OF ME, SPAZ-TARD!?

Yoshi: Uhhhh man…. I think this motion be making me. *BLEEEERRRG!* [1 Damage]

Yoshi conveniently barfed enough puked on Lord Crump's goggles thus not only blinding him, but causing him to slip on vomit half hazardously.

As Lord Crump slipped and fell, so did the rest of the team.

Mario: Robotn- I mean, Lord Cump Dumpster or whatever. The fuck are you doing!?

Lord Crump: Oooo yeah… That's a good nickname too… Anyway, What does it look like!? I was trying to protect us from the spooky fire ghost things! DUH!

Mario: We don't need your shitty help! Get the fuck lost already!

Goombella: Also too, we don't know what you've been doing with those hands you're grabbing us with, you perv!

Lord Crump: Well, you know. They've been deep… In my-

Dolphin Sex: I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! THAT'S IT! BOBBERY! PLEASE FORGIVE US, BUT WE'RE PUSSING OUT! LATERZ!

Dolphin Sex ran off like the scared wuss he is. God damn, for a group of (butt) pirates, they really puss out over just about anything. Maybe that's why they're regarded as "butt pirates."

Lord Crump: WELL FINE! GUESS I'LL GET ON MY MERRY WAY AS WELL THEN! LATER, BUTT FAIRIES!

Mario: Please go away, and drown yourself in the funniest imaginable way.

Robotni- Lord Crump ran halfway off screen.

Vivian: That guy scares me…

Yoshi: Yeah seriously.

Lord Crump: *Panting* Good. Now I think the coast is clear.

Lord Crump looked over at the shore thinking he was facing a 4th wall with people watching him.

Lord Crump: Hey! You! Out there in front of your phone, or laptop, or whatever it is you're using to read Fan Fiction! Yeah! I'm talking to YOU! It may be pretty obvious to you who I really am in disguise, but noooo telling Maaaariooooooo… Hehe yeah! Or else if you do, I will personally break through time and space and rape you through whatever screen you're using right now and rape you in the skull! Even if I need to build a new prosthetic cock to accomplish that! LATER NOW HEHE YEAH!

Robotnik flew away with his Wario fart to fly around to move into who knows where.

Koops: "You! Out there in front of your phone, or laptop, or whatever it is you're using to read Fan Fiction!?"

Yoshi: Is this motha fucka nuts or some shit!?

Vivian: That didn't really seem to make any sense at all.

Goombella: Wait… he mentioned something about him being in disguise… It's bugging the living fuck out of me cuz I know I've seen him before a couple times. Feels like 2 past chaptures.

Mario: Wait. None of you guys figured out that it's Robotnik yet?

All but Yoshi: ROBOTNIK!?

Yoshi: Uhh… Who dat?

Goombella: Are you saying that's Robotnik!? The guy from the X-Nauts we faught a couple times is in their crew!? How did he even, and wait, YOU KNEW THE WHOLE TIME AND DIDN'T SAY JACK FUCK ABOUT IT!?

Yoshi: Y'All sayin 1 of these motha fucks be in cahoots with them X-Naut fuckas y'all keep talking about!?

Mario: Yeah! I don't know. I mostly just kinda thought it be funny having him around to see what happens to him. Actually, I was kinda curious if he was gonna do some shit to slip up and give away some dumbass information being the shit lord he is!

Goombella: You really have an odd sense of humor, don't you.

Mario: I kinda thought it seemed obvious or that maybe there was a possibility he hit his head on something, and had some sort of amnesia or psychotic breakdown after our last boss fight against him.

Flurrie: I made so much love with him indeed that day I do remember….

Mario: I mean, look at him. Like he said. His disguise is pretty obvious and half assed. I love how Goombella, you were so focused and caught up on Vivian being a potential spy, that you didn't even notice the big obvious 1 right there in front of you for over a week now!

Koops: Well, I actually didn't recognize him either. Or I kinda did, but I just thought they looked similar is all.

Goombella: Well I….. Okay wait a sec. What about you, Vivian!?

Vivian: Me?

Yoshi: Ah sheeeeit… Here we go again.

Goombella: K, so I was having some trouble pinpointing what was bothering me about you, and I think I'm finally figuring it out. For some1 who 'used to' be aligned with the X-Nazis, you seem to have an oddly suspicious lack of intel you're providing to us about them…. Almost like there's stuff you really don't want us to know about them!

Vivian: Well… to be honest, I met Robotnik a few times before… Maybe 2 or 3 times ever, and I only really joined the whole X-Nazi thing about maybe 6 to 8 months ago cuz Beldam made Marilyn and I join… Any interaction I had with Robotnik, Grodus, or any X-Nauts was really just Marilyn and I standing behind Beldam as she did all the talking. She pretty much just told me to keep my mouth shut really... Robotnik did 1ce or 2ice attempt to violate me during those interactions. I'd push him off, and then Beldam would punish me…

Goombella: It just… What your saying sounds a bit too dumb to be true.

Vivian: It's the honest truth! You've seen a glimpse of what she's like, and how she fucking acts! Boggly Woods, remember!? I mean, I can tell you as much of what I know as I know. I mostly know that Grodus has some bizarre way of tracking our location, and knowing when dedly stars have been collected almost like he has a map of his own. I think he might have some kind of supercomputer thingy to help, I think. Let's see what else… I guess I know how Peach got captured if any1's curious.

Mario: … Go on…

Mario proceeded to have a half chub ready to go

Vivian: Okay… gosh… So basically, we had access to this treasure map that Mario currently has for centuries prior. Except it was locked in a treasure chest Beldam and Merilyn weren't capable of opening, and I wasn't even allowed to touch it… So Beldam had Merilyn write, film, and produce a full hour 1/2 long documentary on Ghettoport being a drugged out crime capital of the Mushroom Kingdom as a chain reaction to sway Princess Peach into showing up to take on some sort of action or possibly vacation.

Mario: Yep. Her and I share a crack pipe here and there, and probably got lured here that way. Classic Peach! And Luigi too!

Vivian: So from there, Beldam dressed up as some creepy merchant in a brown cloak swaying Peach to open the treasure chest to get the map out, rumored to only be opened by a maiden with a pure heart or something like that. Feel like I've honestly seen countless mistranslations in history for these legends or myths for over the millennia and to whether she truly has a pure heart or not… Not trying to sound petty at all.

Mario: Oh fuck no. My money's on "mistranslation!" HHAAAAHAHAAHAHAA!

Vivian: Here's where the story gets a bit weird… I guess after Peach mailed the map to Mario, Beldam basically forced me to capture her by borrowing some of Beldam's chloroform she huffs recreationally to use on Peach. So yeah… I technically captured Princess Peach, and brought her to the X-Nauts, and I'm REALLY REALLY SORRY MARIO, AND EVERY1 I FEEL BAD! I FELT BAD EVEN WHILE I WAS DOING IT TOO! *cries*

Mario: Fuck it. You're too much of a softy for that to be your idea. *hard on expands* Funny enough, it sounds like you're actually better at it than Bowser is! Imagine how much more successful he would be if you somehow worked for him HOLY SHIT!

Goombella: Oooookay… So then why the fuck didn't she just signal you to say "NOW VIVIAN!" or something right when the chest was opened instead of having you wait on doing that? That way, you guys would have the map instead of us easily. At least that's how I'm imagining the scenario if Peach had enough time to mail it to Mario.

Vivian: Beldam yelled at me about that idea too… So she basically had this plan for me to pop out of the shadows to drug Peach in the middle of Ghettoport at 6PM. Which ended up being an hour later and I even questioned her on that plan only to get slapped in the face a bunch as usual… So I just followed Beldam to the base wherever it is, and dropped Peach off to the X-Nauts.

Goombella: And you… don't even know where this base is or how to get there on your own?

Vivian: I'm not sure! I just followed her around wherever she was going. And…. Okay fine… I'll say it… Koops already knows this, but… so…. It's hard for me to prove this, but I honestly… *sigh* I have no idea how to navigate while I'm trying to teleport… like at all… And it's fucking embarrassing I know… Aside from feeling Beldam's presence in mid teleport, It feels like trying to navigate in the dark and kinda guessing where I'm going even in short distances too sometimes.

Koops: Well, I don't think it's embarrassing at all, Vivian! I say it's very understandable!

Goombella: Shut up, Koops! So Vivian, from what you're saying is true, you were basically that kid in the back seat stuck on her phone or Gameboy in a car while an adult is driving. Is that kinda what you're saying?

Vivian: Even then, any time I try to navigate, it always feels too complicated, and I get overwhelmed by it easily. I'm sorry I know… I feel like a total loser when I think or talk about it. I do 1 day wanna try getting good at it on my own I hope!

Goombella: Shit, well… I'll be honest, that's oddly kinda relatable, and being on a team with you for the past 10 or 11 days now, I can kinda see it.

Vivian: You do!?

Goombella: Honestly, you don't strike me as the socially cunning or calculating type. I mean, you come off a bit creepy, and I'm still a bit on my guard around you, but so far everything you're saying oddly kinda checks out. Guess if I have any other plot holes to point out to your story, I'll call you out on it!

Vivian: Hehe. Thanks, Goombella… That means a lot. I think I pretty much told you guys everything there is to share about them that I recall. If there's anything else important that I suddenly remember, I'll let you know! Alright? Sorry again when it comes to my memory disorder. Why do you guys think my navigation sucks!?

Yoshi: Probably cuz your weird ass pink spiral hair is blocking your eyes!

Koops: YOSHI! THAT'S NOT VERY NICE!

Vivian: Alrighty… 1 more truth then, every1! And PLEASE keep this a secret between us?

Mario: If it's what I think it is, I'm well aware you have gonorr-

Vivian lifted her front bangs up, and unveiled she has glowing yellow eyes similar in shape to toads and with Jolene looking glasses on. Not too difficult to imagine especially if you actively browse DeviantArt.

Yoshi: HOLY SHIT, SHE REALLY IS A DORK!

Koops: Whoanelly! *SWEATING* You… you wear glasses!?

Vivian: I do. Kinda! *giggles*

Mario: Owwww!

Koops: That's flippin' hot- I mean, amazing!

Flurrie: *sniff sniff* I smell an ejaculation in our midst..

Goombella: MARIO! DID YOU JUST CUM RIGHT NOW!?

Mario: Uhhh… No?

Koops: Oh hey uhh… Wait a sec, guys… weren't we gonna try rescuing that Bobbery guy or something?

Vivian: OH SHIT! THAT'S RIGHT!

Goombella: THIS SHIT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO US!

Yoshi: Y'All gotta be payin' more attention, and shit!

Meanwhile, as Team M rushes over to rescue the stubbornly brave admiral.

Yoshi: Oh shit.. I feel kinda dizzy… and kinda stoned but uhh… bad stoned! *BLEEEEEEERRRRGGGGG!*

Yoshi pukes again. [1 Damage]

Vivian: Aww… you poor thing…

Flurrie: That's a growing boy!

Mario: Hey cool! Found some kind of Ice Power that might help make fighting these fire ghosts way the fuck easier!

Goombella: Good timing! Let's get back to finding Bobbery before the next distraction!

Suddenly, Yoshi saw a quick shadow or some animal move off the corner of his eye!

Yoshi: oh shit! YALL SEE THAT SHIT?

Mario: What shit?

Yoshi: That fuckin thing just ran by us! I think if it's that rabies monster that attacked you, imma go after it and I'm gonna kill it!

Goombella: Yoshi. I think you're imagining things while still feeling sick.

Yoshi: Fuck you, Goombella ass bitch! You're an imagination and shit! Anyway I think it went down this warp pipe! I'm runnin' after it!

Yoshi bursted into another distraction as he ran after a rabid animal he may or may not actually saw and dived down the warp pipe after it.

Vivian: YOSHI!

Koops: JEBUS!

Mario: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!

Goombella: We gotta go after him!

Mario: Forest fuck sakes… I have an idea. Flurrie! You go after Yoshi and make sure he doesn't do any stupid shit. The rest of you, follow me!

Flurrie: Oh Faptain my Faptain!

Mario: And Flurrie, remember the rule we talked about!?

Flurrie: *sigh* Doooon't rape him….

Mario: That's right! Now let's skedaddle!

Back on track again.

Admiral Bobbery was seen hiding in a coconut tree thinking it'll hide him from 5 flame ghosts circling around the tree.

Blue Flames: ProOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOopaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAne…

Bobbery: Urggh... Ugghh... *panting Yuuurghh... Blarming Blumpkins…So this is how a legend of the sea meets his end, eh? Thought I would go out with more style and glory than this…

Koops: There's those flames! GET EM!

Vivian: We'll save you, Bobbery!

Mario: Time to put you fucks back under the grill where you belong!

The 5 flame spirits hovered over Mario and them.

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level: 184

Goombella: Power Level: 65

Koops: Power Level: 68

Flurrie: Power Level: 88 (Absent)

Yoshi: Power Level: 13/55 (Absent)

Vivian: Power Level: 70

VS

Blue Flame 4 (Age 1041): Power Level: 20

Blue Flame 5 (Age 10036): Power Level: 20

Blue Flame 6 (Age 1022): Power Level: 20

Blue Flame 7 (Age 1032): Power Level: 20

Blue Flame 8 (Age 1028): Power Level: 20

Battle Music: Fight Fire with Fire by Metallica (past intro)

[TURN 1]

Mario: You all look like you crawled out of Hank Hill's propane sex nightmare! Your character designs are lazy, and your only course of existence is as a half assed plot device!

Goombella: You're literally just insulting fire…

Mario: Fuck fire! Literally! Think imma go with putting up Koops 1st!

Koops: Righto!

Vivian: You got this, Koops!

Koops starts off the battle with a wicked super spin dashing power shell move. Smacking into all 5 of them being low enough to the ground for it to work. Koops did a dorky autistic breakdance move to celebrate. [4 Damage All]

Goombella: Showboater!

Mario: Alrighty, since I got this new badge equipped, let's say we put it for a spin!

Mario performs a multi bounce move where he can jump on all opponents unharmed with his new Ice Power Badge now meaning he can jump on fire now! [3 Damage All]

Mario: Damn… they're only down to 1 HP left each. Should've used Tornado Jump or the Star of Wrath.

Blue Flame 4 bursts in front of Mario: [2 Damage] and sets him on fire. Just a little.

Mario: God damnit. This shit again

Blue Flame 5 does the same to Koops: [2 Damage] Koops is also kinda on fire

Koops: Something burning?

Blue Flame 6 instead being the more badass flame breaths fire onto Mario and Koops doing. [2 Damage Both].

Blue Flame 7 did the burst move to Mario. Only to get superguard in response by punching the ember so hard, it killed it. [-1 Damage]

Koops: Cool! 1 down!

Blue Flame 8 spawns a brand new fully healthy flame that will be called "Blue Flame 9" in replacement for Blue Flame 7.

Mario: And they fucking asexually reproduce! Lovely.

Mario and Koops are dealt another burning sensation. [1 Damage Each]

Mario: Ow fuck. Wish we could just put out the fires on our shoulders or some shit.

[MEANWHILE]

Flurrie: Yoshi! There you are.

Flurrie found Yoshi having sex with a coconut for some reason.

Flurrie: Oh myyyyyy…. What have I waltzed into now?

Yoshi: Ay! Does anybody knock!?

Flurrie: So you partake in the coconut fetish as well, Flurrie sees?

Yoshi: I don't know. I was fuckin chasing what I think was dat crazy jungle monster that made Mario all rabid, then I went down this warp pipe and shit that took me to this mini island we're standing on. I'm tryin to find it by climbin up this fuckin tree, then I found this coconut. I don't know if it's cuz I'm sick or what with my mind all diluted and shit, but something about it I think made me horny for the 1st time! So don't judge me!

Flurrie: Mmmmmmhmmmm… It's seems as though you might be partaking in becoming a man at a young age… I remember when I 1st performed some foul activities with coconuts… It was my debut on the Jungle Bungle trilogy. Porn that was before your time. Bush was fairly common… As per normal, I was the star of that marvelous and legendary series as I would wield the highest caliber of bravery when it came to any act or any object to enter inside me while wielding sheer voluptuosity… I was even apex in the sex acting performances of it for my time…

Yoshi: Yuck! Why you tellin' me all this shit!?

Flurrie: Encase you need any pointers and tricks when it comes to the act of coitus with this here coconut…

Yoshi: *BLEEEEEEERG!* [1 Damage]

Out of nowhere, the jungle beast jumps out of the blue ready to attack Yoshi.

Flurrie: Yoshi! Look out!

Flurrie pushed Yoshi out of the way as the monster bumped into Flurrie's abnormally bouncy mammary region.

Yoshi: Wait a sec. You ain't no jungle monster, you a pasty white scrawny motha fucka!

Getting back up on his feet was a rabid Machine Gun Kelly ready to fight, fuck, and fight while fucking.

MGK: Hssssssssss… Rap battle…

Yoshi: Uhh… Come again…

MGK: RAP BATTLE! RAP BATTLE! You must partake in a rap battle with mee….. Hssssssssss…

Yoshi: Ehhh…. How about no. Instead of embarrassing myself by association competing with you, how bout we battle this shit out!

Flurrie: I shall join you in partaking in this mode of battling…

MGK: Hssssssss….. You will regret this….

[BATTLE MODE WITHIN A BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level: 158/184 (Absent)

Goombella: Power Level: 65 (Absent)

Koops: Power Level: 45/68 (Absent)

Flurrie: Power Level: 88

Yoshi: Power Level: 10/55 (Sick)

Vivian: Power Level: 70 (Absent)

VS

Machine Gun Kelly: Power Level: 60

Battle Music: The rap devil by Machine Gun Kelly

[TURN 1]

MGK: You fuckin pussies are gonna regret not rap battling with me… for I AM WEED INCARNATE! HSSSSSSSS…

Flurrie: My oh my, from the looks of things I guess if I were to assume the stats within the power level, I would say Max HP is 20, Attack is 3, and Defense be that of 0…. I may have boobs for brains, but I think even I can figure out power level math. Uhh… 50!

Flurrie starts out going for a body boob slam of the try hard rapper who thinks he's talented. [5 Damage]

Yoshi: *BLEEEEEEG!* [1 Damage] Fuck, this poison from dat plant be fuckin mah stomach up… Now I only got 3 HP left guess I otta play it safe and use 1 of em whacka bumps…. Hmmm…. Nah. Actually, imma exploit dat Power Rush P Badge like mah fans would want me to do!

Yoshi uses his ground pound move doing a wicked [11 Damage] On the foul human with the bad rep in various music industries.

Flurrie: Impressive…

Yoshi: THAT'S HOW I REALLY PLAY, MOTHA FUCKA WHATS UP!

MGK Goes for a bite against Flurrie only to bitch slap him with her ring hand in the face as a superguard [-1 Damage].

[TURN 2]

Flurrie: You kiss your mother with that mouth? Allow me to show you how I kissed my mother…

Flurrie hovered towards the shit talky overgrown white teenager who also thinks he's weed.

MGK: Wh- What are you doing?

Flurrie: Something your mother should've taught you a long time ago… Now pucker up, puckaroo….

Flurrie exchanges a Lip Lock with MGK. As you probably noticed, this move works as an HP drain despite Flurrie being in full health. I think that was mostly her trying to make a point. [5 Damage]

Yoshi: AWWWWWWW FUCKING SICK EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! *BLEEEEEEEEERG!* [1 Damage]

This move also sucked the life out of the pasty waste of a rich narcissistic human from the mouth to where he shriveled up and died leaving nothing but a skeleton covered in his own white skin.

[END OF BATTLE WITHIN A BATTLE MODE]

Yoshi: Dayamn, Flurrie! You killed MGK! High five!

Yoshi high fives with Flurrie.

Yoshi: So now I got a couple questions for you. 1. Aren't you gon' get rabies now too? And 2. Are you implying you killed your mother with that move?

Flurrie: I may have an unyieldingly kink for rabies among other things, but I'm afraid rabies is 1 of many things I happen to be immune from. For I am mostly made up of methane gas, and other toxic forms of gas that kills most life, including diseases and viruses…. In a way, this may be in-fact my strongest advantage on the stage… As for my mother…. Indeed I have. She would spend many moons teaching me how to kiss properly at a young age. She was so skilled and proficient at it to where I was occasionally sent to the ER. This would indeed inspire me to improve my kissing skills as well. I acquired such a knack for it, and many life threatening experiences from that, that 1 day I surpassed her, and not only did this act not only taking her life, but conjured my very 1st orgasm within the bowls of my vaginal cavity… As they always say, every deth, is merely a new beginning…

Yoshi: …

Yoshi: *BLEEEEEEEEERG!* [1 Damage]

Yoshi: Ay wait a sec. I think mah skin just went from green, to black again! And I'm back and black, babay! I'm back and black to normal and shit! Damn, I kinda thought I was gonna die and everythang!

Flurrie: Most marvelous, Yoshi! Mmmm…. anydoo, shall we follow up with Mario and them now?

Yoshi: Mmmm… Lemme finish up fuckin dis coconut! Turns out it wasn't my sickness talking. I got a kink for that shit!

Flurrie: I will coach you.

[BACK TO BATTLE MODE]

[TURN 2]

Koops uses another Power Shell move eliminating Blue Flame 4, 5, 6, and 8. [4 Damage]. This left Blue Flame 9 Alive.

Vivian: Nice 1, Koops!

Koops: Ahh shucks… Many thanks.

Mario finishes off the fight with an Ice Smash on the final Blue Flame of this battle. A move where the head of his hammer turns into a block of ice. This would have normally frozen the flame (as sensical as that sounds), however, the flame was too low in power and therefore ultimately killed it while wasting more FP. [5 Damage]

This on a flip side leveled Mario up to Level 15 choosing to level up his HP to 40. Also raising his power level up to 210. Probably just did it for the ego booster.

[END OF BATTLE]

Goombella: Holy shit, you guys made that look easy!

Vivian: Yeah! I was ready for 1 of us to step in and help.

Mario: Feeling like having a bunch of enemies with 8 HP stopped becoming a challenge a long time ago.

Koops: I'll say!

Bobbery: Ooh! Flop fucking, flamingos… Can some1 get me down from here?

*Bobbery fell down*

Vivian: Hey! It's Bobbery!

Bobbery was covered in burn marks and looked like an absolute wreck… part of his back sail was burnt off too.

Bobbery: Oooooh...

Koops: Holy smokeszillaz!

Bobbery: Oooooouuuugggg…. It was awful. These flame things have been going after me for days since we arrived on this wretched island. They burnt me up, they sexually violated me somehow. I thought they were gonna make my ass explode from all of it! *Cough cough* I know I said I experienced worse, but perhaps my age and distance from the sea has made me grow most soft in more ways than 1….

Vivian: They violated you? Oh no…. I'm so sorry, Bobbery…

Vivian went and hugged Bobbery.

Goombella: So is that why you went missing for the past while? Cuz of those ghost things chasing after you?

Bobbery: I didn't … *HACK* I didn't want them to continue going after you guys. Perhaps it's something of my past haunting me where I felt it was the noble thing to do to live in the jungle surviving on green and flower fuzzies as nourishment…

Mario: Sounds like a cover story for being a crazy old whack job.

Koops: Geez… But why are you so guilty over stuff? I thought I was self loathing, but you sure know how to take the cake on that 1!

Goombella: Koops! Don't be rude.

Koops: Oh wait, sorry I wasn't thinking. Hehe.

Vivian: So you basically wanted to protect us, and had some instinct that they would target you?

Bobbery: I have committed countless sins and indulgences in my youthful days, my fine wench of the shadows… enough to know they would want to take me out 1st on top of being me the admiral I am…

Bobbery: *Coughs up more blood and gunpowder*

Mario: Holy shit! You're fuckin dying! Cool…

Bobbery: Ugh... HACK! Urfffff... I think those flaming pussy ass blokes got the better of me than I thought though... They even crawled up inside me and did some serious internal bleeding. As if my insides were not tarnished enough with excessive drinking in my youth and getting blasted off that shitty handle of Captain Morgan I managed to steal certainly didn't help…

Koops: Oh geez…

Bobbery: Strange heroes… and Mario... Please hear out my final request... I must thank you all for swaying me into setting out to the sea for 1 last hurrah...

Bobbery: Before I go, there is 1 more thing I need before leaving this world to rest... Plantation…. Rum…

Mario: Wait… you had good rum on you the whole time?

Bobbery: Only 1 bottle left unfortunately. Assuming the crew scavenged the ship and kept it safe. Hopefully the bottle didn't get fucking smashed… I should assume you folks found a rare vintage release of a highly aged Port Barrel Aged Plantation release from Barbados. I was saving that bottle, for my last memory with Scarlette...to celebrate our marriage... I brought it in case something on this voyage were to happen to me as the taste was as sweet and spicy as she was inside and out...

Mario: Okay…. Now I'm actually kinda curious about it not gonna lie!

Bobbery: And… *COUGH COUGH* if I find out 1 of you limey blokes got slap happy butt fuck drunk on it without my knowing, then I will not hesitate to haunt you all for the rest of your miserable and pathetic lives!

Goombella: Yikes. Think this crazy old guy might be serious.

Bobbery: ... HAAAAACK! PBBBTTHH! Uuurrrrgh... Get me that Plantation Vintage Bottle! For I have not long to live! *COUGH COUGH COUGH*

Koops: Gee wizz… Goombella, if you didn't go on that interrogation tangent on Vivian, we probz would've been able to saved him!

Goombella: JI- Wait. You're blaming me right now!? Seriously!?

Koops: Well kinda! You didn't have to bring it up while the guy's life was in danger, and none of us would've been distracted! Talk about bad timing!

Goombella: Oh fuck you, dude.

Flurrie and Yoshi made it back.

Koops: Oh hey, Yoshi! You're back to normal!

Yoshi: Hell yeah! Dat level up replenished my HP too and shit!

Flurrie: Wait so did we miss…

Bobbery *COUGH COUGH HACK COUGH COUGH*

Mario: We gotta get him some rum. Good rum!

Vivian: And we don't have much time!

Flurrie: Got it!

Chapture 6 - 13: Rum that Makes you Dumb!

As our Team of M didn't want to make any more waste out of haste, they ran back down the island back to the camp. Fortunately, no minor pointless enemies spawned and interrupted this process.

Vivian: Hey uhh... Is it me, or shouldn't 1 of us have been carrying Bobbery to the camp instead of leaving him there?

Yoshi: Shit! Now that you mention dat shit, probably woulda' been a good ass idea in all dat hindsight.

Mario: Well shit. Can't go back now! Or technically, we will eventually. Not like this game/story isn't known for excessive back tracking anyway.

Koops: I'll say!

Flurrie: So you guys think maybe we should try looking for our dear Robotnik soon since he is playing a cagnito-esc role of sorts?

Mario: On top of all the shit we're trying to do, probably best to tackle finding the deadly star and then cross that metaphorical bridge if we have to.

Vivian: Maybe we can at least warn the Flavio crew about him?

Mario: And then what? We happen to be far away and deep within the island, he shows up and they try fighting him or vise versa, try fighting him knowing he's a dumb traitor while being a 2nd in command of a massive Neo Nazi organization!? They'll probably all fucking die like morons trying to fight him off or some shit.

Goombella: Maybe we'll just wind up battling him if he appears at the camp ground then. At this point, you could probably 1 hit KO him easily!

Mario: We'll see. Apparently, we're supposed to be rushing to fulfill a dying request from that Boobery guy. And as the narrator pointed out earlier, haste makes waste!

Goombella: But.

Mario: HASTE, makes WASTE!

Koops: If only 1 of us was some sort of majical healer type character. Oh shit! We could've given Bobbery some of our shrooms or whacka bumps and that could've healed him! AWW FUCKING SHUCKS!

Flavio: Ohoy, my crew of misfits!

Koops: Oh shit, that was quick.

Flavio: I see that you have returned alive.. and well! *sheds a sense or disappointment* Excellent, excellent…

Goombella: So tell me. How many times have you kicked us off the crew so far would you say?

Dolphin Sex: So what took you guys so long? Wait. And I thought after finding Lord Crump, he would follow me back to the camp or something… Strange...

Vivian: Uuuuuhhhhh…..well..

Mario: Vivian. Don't!.

Goombella: To answer the previous question. Got some good and bad news.

Pa-Patch: Aww shit! Well, start with the bad news!

Koops: Basically, we battled the flame things, and we managed to beat him!

Pa-Patch: I asked for the bad news, dumb ass motha fucka!

Koops: Oh whoops. Must've misheard.

Goombella: Basically, we finally found Bobbery. Only to find him battling against the flame spirit things and got severely wounded and currently… about to die. He's requesting some kind of special bottle of rum that he was hoping was swept up to shore or something if you guys know anything about that...

Morgan: Okay I'm sorry. Wait a sec… So you just left Bobbery out there to die casually, and didn't think to bring him back here!? No offense, but that's pretty fucked up!

Koops: We know! We forgot! Rrrr…

Vivian: We're so sorry!

Dikk Ed: Holy shit! You guys are fucking stupid! What if there's more flame spirits that come after him!?

Yoshi: God damn! We didn't think of dat shit either. Wasn't there like, 100 of those a few days ago!? And we only faught like 8 or 9 of em? Maaaaan we are fuckin stupid on this team!

Mario: Ehh I can take it or leave it. Who gives a fuck. Anyhoo, your crazy ass admiral thinks you found a Vintage bottle of Plantation that's Port Aged from Barbados. Any of you fuck-pirates by chance find it around here, or what?

Flavio: Ohh uhh…. What is that you say? ... Hehe… Plantation? Barbados? Well... Why on earth would I ever possess something like that when I don't even drink? Hehe… HehehehHEHEHEHE...But, er, yes, by the way... Flavio is merely curious... What may you need it for?

Mario: And theeeeere's the suspicion I half expected… Alright. Hand it over, or I'll cut off your hands African pirate style!

Flavio: Alright alright! Fine now! I have it. I'm withholding it from the crew due to their drunk and delinquent behavior being a bunch of drunk little knuckleheads.

Morgan: YOU SUCK!

Flavio: I'M JUST TRYING TO BE A GOOD CAPTAIN, MORGAN!

Flavio: But from what I, the Great Flavio hearing? Our Admiral may soon perish? And he wants to drink it as his last wish you say? Ah... I suppose I have no choice… but HOWEVER, for this noble cause...I must yield on this last request!

Mario: ….You what?

Flavio: This Special adult beverage is part of my...errr...I mean, OUR supplies, which I need to survive! Yes.

Koops: I thought you said you didn't drink?

Flavio: I'm trying to confiscate it to prevent our crew from getting intoxicated, remember!? I read about the high alcohol percentage and I got concerned. My confiscation of this is merely a noble act to preserve the lives of our team! That's all!

Vivian: Please! Won't you give it back to him even for his last dying wish!?

Flavio: Mmmm…. Perhaps I can be persuaded… Only on the condition you go on 1 full date with Flavio! Sounds good?

Vivian: Uhhh… *pukes in mouth* *cough cough* Ugg…. sorry… Anything else besides that?

Koops: Yeah! She doesn't wanna date you, Flavio! And NOBODY EVER WILL! GOT IT!? So fuck off!

Flavio: FINE! NO DATE, MENAS NO RUM! You know what they say after all. Rum makes you dumb!

Koops: WHAT!?

Flavio: AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Mario: Okay this is getting fucking stupid really fast. I'm just gonna cut his hands off and get this shit on the road already.

Flavio: OKAY FINE! FINE! I will uhhh…. Negotiate… yes… Negotiate… So let's see… Tell you what. I will give you this fine and… luxurious bottle only on 1 condition!

Goombella: The 2nd condition cuz you got rejected again…

Flavio: SHUT UP! Okay, 1 condition. Hmmm…. Let's seee…. AHA! Bring me a souvenir!

Mario: … You're actually fucking with us, right?

Flavio: I, the great and adoring Flavio, must feel like I have earned something from this triumphant escapade! As we need something to replace the value of this bottle… hmm… yes…. Indeed…

Flurries was busy picking her nose for the sake of being the gross 1 on the team.

Flurrie: Hmmmm….. I have a souvenir for you right here.

Flurrie flicked a booger at Flavio's eye!

Flavio: OWWW THAT STINGS! NOT FUNNY!

Flavio: ANYHOO, BRING ME A COCONUT! THAT SURELY WILL SUFFICE AS A WORTHY REPLACEMENT! Or a souvenir rather…

Mario: You want. A coconut…. In exchange for a rare rum bottle… as a souvenir…

Flavio: … That is correct.

Mario: … ANY1 GOT A JUNGLE KNIFE! I'M DOING IT!

Yoshi: Hang on! I got a coconut on me!

Mario: Seriously? Why?

Yoshi: Uhh…. Good question.

Koops: That makes sense!

Flavio: Oooo you already found a coconut for me! And lickidy-split too! Now give it to me! Gimmi Gimmi Gimmi Gimmi!

Yoshi: You fuckin' serious?

Flavio: Yes indeed! Now hand it over!

Yoshi: Uhhh… Aight then…

Yoshi handed Flavio the coconut.

Mario: Got the rum bottle?

Flavio: Not so fast!

Mario: Forest fucking sakes. What is it now!?

Flavio: I would like to make sure it tastes good! Just to air on the safe side…

Mario: So…. Okay I'm so confused. You went from wanting a souvenir, to wanting to eat it all the sudden? The fucked up logic is your problem?

Flavio: I want to make sure it tastes delicious! After all, I am the editor of "Gourmet Flops Weekly", so I know my delicacies!

Yoshi: This bitch be off his meds right now!

Goombella: I'm pretty sure he makes these jobs of his up on the spot.

Mario: *Sigh* I feel like I'm reasoning with a fucking toddler right now.

Flavio: So. I would also like you to open the coconut for me so my palate can enjoy it!

Yoshi: *Snickers* Okaaaaay. Hehehe… Ay Mario. I'd listen to him on this 1.

Mario: Seriously?

Yoshi: Trust me on this 1.

Mario: … Fuck it. Set the coconut on that rock over there. Imma whack that shit in half.

Flurrie: I like where this is going…

Flavio: Excellent…

Flavio placed the coconut on a random rock for Mario to bust that nut wide open.

Flavio: Many thanks, good sir!

Flavio: Ahh! Gourmet time!

Flavio started downing the coconut milk with a smug look on his face.

Flurrie: You folks think he'll find out it's mixed with Yoshi's sem-

Yoshi: SHH!

Vivian: What?

Flavio: …. D… D…. ddddDIIIILICIOUS! Normally coconut is not 1 of my favorite flavors, but whatever is going on with these flavor notes inside these Keelhaul coconuts are on the top of its game! You henchmen did a fine job finding the best of quality of gourmet this island has to offer!

Yoshi: PFFFFT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAA! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! HELL NAAAAAAAWWW!

Vivian: Wait. I'm so confused hehe… what's going on?

Goombella: I'm getting a little concerned…

Flavio: ... Well, here you go then! Take the Plantation Rum... and give my finest of regards to the dying admiral!

Flavio finally hands Mario the bottle.

Mario: About goddamn time!

Mario on instinct was about to open the rum for himself to try.

Goombella: MARIO! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO OPEN IT, REMEMBER?

Mario: Oh right.. I'm used to opening up booze in my hand on reflex.

Goombella: Hand it to me! NOW!

Mario: Fine…

Mario handed Goombella the bottle of rum.

Flavio: Tell him to waft the bouquet, swizzle it gently, and savor all of the fine flavor notes!

Mario: You make no goddamn sense. Alright let's get going! We gotta get a near ded admiral drunk!

Team M fucked off from the camp

Suddenly in the bushes, Lord Crump stuck his face out.

Lord Crump fuck it… Robotnik: Ohh hohohoho…. Seems as though Dolphin Sex can't figure out my whereabouts… this is all going according to my masterbatory plan! Hehe yeah…

Dolphin Sex: What was that!? You guys hear something?

Robotnik: NOTHING!

Dolphin Sex: Oh okay.. Nevermind.

Robotnik: Phew… that was a close 1…

Meanwhile as they continue to back track to where Bobbery was like fucking Yo-Yos,

Yoshi: Ah Mario! Did Flurrie and I get to tell you about how we may have killed that thing that gave you them rabies?

Mario: Wait. You found it? Seriously?

Yoshi: Yei! Turned out dat shadow be real and I was right to chase after dat shit. Literal shadow and not the Vivian kind.

Vivian: Wha?

Mario: Huh. Thought that thing was nocturnal. Did it look like some pasty scrawny unkempt white kid in his early 30s with too many tattoos on too many drugs even for my own standards?

Flurrie: I have his face here if any1 is curious… Though I did suck the life out of it with 1 of my special super moves… Would any1 like to see?

Flurrie pulls out the severed shriveled up head/ fave of the failed rapper out of her cleavage cavity as a means for 'show and tell.'

Koops, Goombella, and Vivian: *BLEEEEEEEEG!*!

Koops: Holy fuck! That thingis fucking disgusting!

Vivian: It smells terrible!

Goombella: Flurrie! Get rid of that gross shit, now!

Mario: HAHAHAHHAAAAAA! Yup. That's the 1. Point proven. Alright. You can toss it somewhere.

Flurrie: With pleasure.

Flurrie chucked it across the island at some aimless location.

Back at the camp,

Flavio: Dolphin Sex! I, the great Flavio, personally find your name offensive and think it deserves a change!

Dolphin Sex: Hey! Fuck off! I've earned my name fair and square, you know!

Retard: I actually agree with Flavio for 1ce. It's offensive to dolphins and you should be more mindful of whose feelings you hurt when you have a certain kind of name.

Flavio: Hmmm…. So let's see, I got a magnificent new name for you. Fit for a fine subordinate under my raign! Let's see… How about-

A floppy dried up face of MGK landed on Flavio's face like being slapped by a rubber pancake.

Flavio: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! NOT MY FACE NOT MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! AHHH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF! *BLEEEEEEEEERG!*

Pa-Patch: Dayamn! If that ain't Miyamoto's way of sayin' "Go Fuck Yo-Self" then ionno wha' is!

Back to Team M.

Yoshi: Anyway, for those of you who don't know! I learned recently that I got a kink fo coconuts today!

Flurrie: We bonded over it indeed.

Koops: Oh, so like, food porn?

Flurrie: In a waaaaaayyyyy…

Yoshi: So I got a confession to make. That there coconut Flavio drank in front of us. I CAME FOR THE 1ST TIME IN MY LIFE INSIDE THAT SHIT!

Koops: Holy ravioli! So that means you're not a virgin anymore!? Holy shit! High five!

Koops high-fived with Yoshi!

Yoshi: Thanks, man!

Flurrie: Mmmm… So that just leaves Goombella as the last remaining virgin on the team I see…

Goombella: Wh- WHAT!? YOU SERIOUSLY COUNT SEX WITH A COCONUT AS LOSING YOUR V-CARD!?

Mario: It's true. I believe it is confirmed by Nintendo to be a part of the Paper Mario mechanics that if you have sex with a coconut, it technically counts as official canonized sex.

Flurrie: It's true.

Vivian: Whoa seriously? I actually never knew that either.

Goombella: OH NOW YOU'RE JUST MAKING SHIT UP TO FUCK WITH ME!

Flurrie: If you were really being "fucked with", then we wouldn't be having this conversation, now would we.

Koops: Oh wait a sec! So what you're also saying is that Flavio drank coconut milk mixed with baby Yoshi cum! And thought that coconuts tasted better being grown on this island when in reality, he just likes the taste of Yoshi's semen!?

Yoshi: Dats right! Proof Flavio be gay and shit!

Goombella: Gross!

Vivian: Wait… So is it gay if he had no idea he was drinking that?

Mario: I figured we all kinda read the room in that situation.

Vivian: I don't think I did…

Making it back to where they left Bobbery, they see he is currently still alive and in pain laying down like old Bob-Omb roadkill.

Koops: Hey look! There's Bobbery and he's still alive!

Vivian: Looks like he might be sleeping or something.

Mario: Ay, Goombella. You got that rum bottle?

Goombella: Oh, right!

Mario: Wave it over his nose…. Wait. Bob Ombs don't have a nose. OR MOUTHS! Whatever. If you're capable of carrying physical objects, then I guess anything is possible.

Goombella: Look at you "Mr. KnowEverythingAboutGameMechanics."

Goombella precedes over to the wounded sailor in hopes that opening and waving fancy rum will wake him up.

Bobbery: Hmm? Sniff! SNIIIIFFFF! Ah, that distinctive cinnamon brown sugar allspice! You... You've brought it!?

Bobbery instinctively grabs the bottle and chugs the full 750ml bottle of Plantation Vintage Barbados 10 Year Port Cask.

Koops: Am I an asshole for thinking that downing that whole bottle was kinda gross?

Goombella: No… it genuinely was.

Bobbery: AHHHH! This glorious flavor and tastes very much 100 proof, young Goomba Scholar!

Koops: Wowzers! He must be really blasted off right about now from that! So is this gonna revive him or something?

Bobbery: It awakens the mouth indeed! Happy the sea was gracious enough to deliver me this 1 last taste of heavenly distilled molasses…

Koops: Aaaaand he's back to talking about dying… I'm starting to call bullshit-artist on this 1.

Bobbery: My dreams and desires in this world are at last finally fulfilled, and I have nothing left in this world now... Thank you for granting me my final wishes... Now I shall be reunited with my dear Scarlette... Fare...well...Every1... *closes eyes*

Flurrie: Awwww looks like he's ded now…. May he rest in peace… Until I have my way with his ded body of course….. You all know who I am after all…. Hueheheheheeeeee…

Goombella: God, that laugh is always giving me the fucking creeps…

Vivian: Wait… so is his ship steering wheel thingy on his back supposed to still be turning even after he dies?

Mario: Hmmm… Imma go with Koops' theory and call "bullshit-artist" as well! Alright. Stand back every1.

Mario hits him on the head with his hammer light enough not to do actual damage, but enough to wake him up. It's like the opposite of a sleepy stomp, but with a hammer.

Yoshi: Hehehehe!

Goombella: MARIO! THAT'S NOT NECESSARY AND YOU KNOW IT!

Vivian: YEAH! THERE'S OTHER WAYS TO HANDLE THAT SITUATION!

Suddenly Bobbery woke up.

Bobbery: HUP! HUP! WHAT IN THE FLYING FUCK WEEZLES IS GOING ON?! YOBBITY YOBBITY...PIRATES! WHERE ARE THOSE SEMOLIAN PUSSY PIRATES?!

Koops: Yup! I was right to call "Bullshit-Artist."

Vivian: Aww… Poor Bobbery... He still seems pretty shaken up...

Flurrie: So your deth was merely a sham I see… shame…

Bobbery: ...What's that now? Oh... Mario, old boy, is that you!? You have adventures in the afterlife as well I see? If so, and if I am faced with this manifestation of Mario, then I must be in my own personal hell I say!

Mario: Thank you….

Yoshi: Damn! His psychotic ass must really think he be ded and shit.

Goombella: *sigh* For fuck sakes! You're not ded, Bobbery. You're just badly injured, highly delusional, and pretty sure you're like, totally super shit faced drunk right now!

Vivian: Plus, I think you were already pretty drunk from what you mentioned about downing that handle of Captain Morgan earlier. I have absolutely no idea how you can handle all that liquor and still be alive!

Bobbery: Ah. Hm. Yes. Well. Really? Sooo…. This isn't somekinda tropical hell for fallen sailors!?

Koops: Nope! That's just the rum in yuh talking, buddy! Heheh.

Mario: Pretty sure the guy is just naturally nuts like this.

Bobbery: Oh, that's right... Now I recall! You're the real Mario, old boy... We still have work to do, don't we!

Mario: "We?" Wait, come again?

Bobbery: You're taking me with you, I should say! I might be old, but I'm sure my sea legs and explosive personality will be rather useful, eh?

Mario: Legs!? You mean your feet directly attached to your fucking body? Shit…. Maybe me hitting him with my hammer did actually make him crazier.

Vivian: Definitely seemed like it reinvigorated him somehow…

Bobbery: LOOKS LIKE I'LL BE JOINING AS THE NEWEST MEMBER OF TEAM M!

Bobbery has joined your party!

Mario: Oh no no no no No NO! Wait WAit WAIT, hang on hang on hang on JUTS a GODDAMN sec! Don't I get a say in-

[INITIATION MODE]

Mario: NOOOOOOO! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! EVERY! FUCKING! CHAPTURE!

Bobbery's Abilites: A Primer

Bobbery is best with blowing up rocks and walls and shit like that. You can even activate some switches with his help just by attempting to blow em up! Need a bomb who is sentient, and can respawn after self destruction without facing any damage? Here's your salty sea dog fit for the job!

Bobbery: Mario, mah boy! Lift me up!?

Mario: Wh- why?

Bobbery: LIFT ME! LIFT ME UP THIS INSTANT! ABOVE YOUR HEAD! NOW! It will help me explode and blow shit up way better!

Mario: *sigh* God damnit you're so fucking crazy for any1's own good. Fine…

Mario lifted Bobbery up above his head.

Mario: K, now what?

Bobbery: Throw me god damnit! Throw me!

Mario: Cool.

Mario lightly threw Bobbery landing on the ground which ignited his fuse I forgot he had on his head/hat area as he then took a few steps forward, turned red, and blew up.

Mario: Okay cool. So false alarm? No new partner cuz he's ded and blew up? Right?

Bobbery respawned and fell from the sky landing casually on his chin area getting back up as if nothing ever happened.

Bobbery: THAT'S MAH BOY! GOOD WORK!

Mario: It's always the partners who are older than me who annoy me a little bit more. And the younger 1s too.

You can even throw him onto ledges above you! In [BATTLE MODE], he can detonate all over enemies on the ground, and even use this move called "bomb squad." A move where he can throw miniature decoys resembling himself and land them accordingly depending on who he wants to attack. He can shoot 3 of these little guys at 1 time, and they all explode 2 turns later meaning you can set off as many as 6!

[END OF INITIATION MODE]

Bobbery: OHHOHOHOHOHO! IT FEELS GREAT JOINING A CREW AGAIN! MY YOUTH IS BACK!

Vivian: That's so wonderful to hear! Guess I otta get used to not being the new partner anymore! Hehe.

Goombella: Is it me, or is this group starting to grow a bit crowded? Now it's like, 7 of us! At least his abilities seem pretty useful though.

Koops: He's definitely the oldest 1 here. That's for sure.

Vivian: Ummmm…. Koops?

Koops: Oh right! *blushes* I keep thinking you're around mine and Goombella's age! Hehe.

Yoshi: So he be the crazy grandpa out of mah adoptive family? Sheeeeit. Guess that shit be necessary.

Flurrie: I Flurrie take a positive fancy towards this symbiotic idea! Over time, I'm sure the dynamics will feel more organic as usual.

Goombella: Nothings ever organic with you.

Flurrie: True… Only orgasmic!

Mario: Well. If my guess is correct, Bobbery, you have some kind of bag of weed on you, donchu?

Bobbery: Ahhh… weed you say?

Mario: Yeah. Besides Goombella, I think just about every party member has joined and smoked us down happening to have a bag on them coincidentally.

Goombella: Well, I kinda smoked fire weed with you for the 1st time a little after I joined, Mario.

Koops: Wait. Vivian also had weed on her when she joined? What about her not smoking cuz of the anxiety disorder stuff?

Vivian: It… was technically my sister's bag she had me hold, and forgot I was holding. I actually just watched Mario smoke in that Doopliss body back then.

Koops: Ah, gotcha.

Bobbery: AH YES! THERE IT IS! RIGHT INSIDE MY HAT! MIGHTY FINE OL' GANJA I SAY!

Koops: Wait, didn't we have like, 3 smoke sessions this chapture already? What if we're overdoing it?

Mario: Fuck it. We'll make this 1 brief.

Later as the newly found team of 7 sat around in a circle and smoked some dank ol' ganja (besides Vivian who feeds off of contact highs, and Flurrie who's eyes roll up into her skull putting her in off-mode for 8 hours)

Mario: Hey, Yoshi! Think it's my turn to take some hits.

Yoshi: Oh yei! Gotcha!

Yoshi passed Mario the joint and took a big ass drag on it.

Mario: Holy shit this shit tastes good! I'm impressed.

Vivian: Smells good too! Kinda fruit punchy a bit.

Bobbery: Indeed so. Many danks!

Flurrie: So, admiral. Tell me again about that story of you losing your original twisty knob thing on your back…

Bobbery: Ah yes… It goes way back into 1984. So I was setting sail with an entirely different regime of crew mates. Getting barnically bitchslap blasted, and shipped barrels of cocaine in our cargo! Such a different time. A time where laws on the ocean were less restrictive, and up to the beholder. At times, still to this day are! Anyhoo, we were out to Panama for a massive sale of a heavy supply of coke for a high end drug exchange traveling predominantly around the Caribbean and networking with countless drug cartels! Before we set off to Florida, we stumbled upon a Van Halen show of all things to go on in Central fucking America! Van-Fucking-Halen! BAack in their fucking prime too! Back when Roth was their front man holy fucking hell! Ah, It was a flamingo fucking frenzy it was that night! My crew and I were butt chugging those brewskis like they were water out of a fire hydrant! And I guess while it was my turn to be lifted up, some fat sweaty fuck walrus of a drunken shplunkin flying cunt of a man crashed into me while I was receiving the ol' butt chug of a life time and next thing I knew while I was half unconscious, my fucking knob was permanently busted beyond the point of any repair after that fat sweaty bastard crushed me. So then I was sent into the ER in fucking Panama of all places! Only to surgically have my fucking knob replaced with a spare steering wheel encase our blasted ship were to be in use of 1! And that is why I have a prosthetic fucking rotating steering wheel lodged deep up inside my fucking Bob-Omb asshole! Any questions!?

Koops: Uhh… coolio?

Bobbery: Shut up, you fucking band aid wearing wanker! You are skallywag material, and you know it!

Koops: Gosh… honestly, I had no idea.

Vivian: Ouch... Wait. So you got to see Van Halen? I've kinda listened to them in passing, but never really got truly into them. What was it like!?

Boobery: Ohh you know. Wicked solos from Eddie himself. David Lee Roth being a fucking clown on stage he is! Alex Van Halen rocking the intro to Hot for Teacher! Wait. I think that song came out a little later. Fuck! Mostly what 1 would suspect on live videos that've been filmed. But was truly exciting, were the crowds that came with em' the types of crowds that get you sent into the ER in ways you can remember no matter how many substances you were hopped up on.

Vivian: That's so cool! I've mainly been a punk kinda gal and whatnot or things around that. Feel like there were a few things I overlooked while finding some music.

Mario: I saw Van Halen in New York 1ce. Think in my case, I was too fucked up on 29 different drugs to remember what the fuck happened. Kinda like a big dream you 2nd guess if it happened or not.

Koops: Wowzers you guys are so lucky going to concerts and shit. I mostly just lived in Petalburg being the sheltered Koops I am! It fucking sucks! Also, I don't know any names of bands besides the 1s you guys bring up.

Goombella: Ehhh… I didn't really go to any shows in my life either. Never had that much of an interest as lame as that kinda is. I like music sometimes, but I've never been an especially big music goer or any shit like that. Maybe it's cuz I'm like, too much of a book worm or something. Sometimes I find learning about music history kinda fascinating on how it evolves over time and such and who gets inspired by who. Or how music has made impacts on various cultures over the years. Those parts are kinda cool! I'm 21, and I still never really found that1 genre that clicked with me, you know. It's weird hehe.

Vivian: To be honest, I actually haven't been to any concerts either but always wanted to go to them, and hope to perform in a band of my own 1 day as a singer/bass player! Sometimes for me, it takes a memory of something good or bad or something relatable or something I can associate with to start listening to a band. It's random, and doesn't always make sense, but always something I feel weirdly drawn to.

Goombella: I guess... Obviously, I never put too much thought into it.

Bobbery: Oy, while there are a lot of great bands in the world I have stumbled upon by accident on my countless adventures, 1 concert among the bunch I always will regret seeing till this day, was Styx.

Mario: You saw Styx? Eww… Sorry to hear, poor lad.

Bobbery: Aiii…. I have never been a fan as my crew quite literally roped me into going 1 day traveling around northern Europe. Was an awful, yet very forgettable show I doo say… except for 1 fun measly fact about Styx… did you know that their lyrics are derived from a code of how to open the cave to enter the Pirates Grotto? Funny enough, on this here of all uncharted fucking islands!?

Mario: Wait, seriously? Holy fuck that's some contrived and made up on the spot sounding as shit!

Bobbery: Well yeah! You see how there's that cave with 2 mustached stone heads sticking out, and a skull that almost resembles the doorway!? This very entrance right here inspired the lyrics to Come Sail Away by Styx of all fucking bands and songs?

Koops: Okay hehe.. You're fucking with us, right?

Goombella: That honestly sounds completely deranged and made up beyond belief.

Bobbery: No! It is not made up! And the only way to figure out this code, is to find some1 who can recite the entire song by heart!

Mario: Sooo…. I did try hammering through the entrance last night, and was unsuccessful. What if you tried maybe, blowing up a hole through the skull and create some sort of path, huh?

Flurrie: Or I can grind on it in a slimy and disgusting manner. That usually works when I gross out doors and cause them to deteriorate!

Bobbery: Trust me! None of those common tricks will work. As an experienced adventuring sea captain, I must know these refined tales!

Vivian: Hmm… maybe I can give teleporting through the inside a shot! Maybe there's a way I can open it from the inside if I try.

Bobbery: That would be forbidden to do as well I'm afraid, my shadowy harlett.

Vivian: Hey…. Why do you keep calling me names like that? I don't think I'm slutty, am I?

Bobbery: I'm afraid our only hope for a source to enter this cavern is through the help of… *GRUFF SIGH*… Flavio. The 1 person on this island who can recite that wretched godforsaken song by heart.

Mario: I had 1 idea a while back of climbing up to the top of the cave and finding an entrance that way maybe.

Bobbery: Well tough luck, Mario ol' boy! Now pack your bags! We're grabbing Flavio, and going on a backtracking trip!

Every1 Else: AWWW MAN!

Koops: I'M TOO STONED FOR THIS SHIT!

Back to the camp again,

Flavio: Well well well… Look who came craaaaaawling back! AAAHAHAHAHA!

Mario: Wait. We didn't even get into a dumb argument before we left last time.

Flavio: Ohh… well…. Yes… That's right. Must be becoming a force of habit I see… Anyhow, OH HEY! IT'S BOBBERY! Finest seeing you back here in 1 Piece! Do you have any idea how much effort we spent pretending to worry about you?! My stomach was most upset! And totally not cuz of that barbecued Wacka meat Yoshi, and they cooked.

Yoshi: Fuck you very much, dude.

Flavio: I must pretend to worry about every crew mate here! But who here will worry about the Great Flavio? No 1!

Koops: God Damn right!

Mario: I feel more worried and stressed out by you being alive to be honest.

Flavio: Do you have any idea how much effort it takes for me to sit here in this camp ground in safety, have enough food and water while pretending to care!? I have no idea what beasts lurk in these jungles waiting to feast upon us, and we have no ship to get home, and I miss my mommy and daddy and I hate being stuck here on this BLUE BRINY SEA AND ALL YOU SUBORDINATES EVER DO IS YELL AT ME STOP YELLING AT ME RIGHT THIS INSTANT! STOP IT RIGJT NOW NOW NOW NOW NOOOOOOW! *Panting* But now is not the time for yelling. Now is the time to pull our heads out of our back sides, and properly work under my reign of command!

Bobbery: What's that Flavio, old boy? I must say, I couldn't hear you… over the sound of your hymen pounding!

Mario: Okay! Fine! Gotta admit. He's funny!

Flavio: Gerrrrrrrrr…. Merrrrrrrrr…. Such insolent behavior! I growl at you like an angry jungle beast…. Grrrrrrr….. GEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- OUCH!

Koops walked up to him and slapped him in the face.

Koops: Sorry… didn't know what else I was supposed to do in this scenario.

Vivian: That was honestly the right thing to do.

Bobbery: ...So in any case, Mario... About that Dedly Star you spoke of earlier... There was a rather giant rock that's seen as a cave of sorts on the far east side of the jungle. And this twat twirling cave entrance we believe the treasure to be in, is blocked by a skull carved into it... Call it an old sea bomb's intuition, but that skull rock smells...suspicious. In the metaphorical sense at least!

Pa-Patch: Heh heh... Yo, Bobbery. Wanna know what smells suspicious in the literal sense? Flavio's pants!

Flavio: STOP MOCKING ME, CYCLOPS!

Pa-Patch: Oy, you got shitty britches and you know it! I can perform dat beet again if you'd like! WAAAR HAR HAR HAR HAR! But, seriously... You may be onto sonefin' wif that shit... I say that's where the treasure is...

Bobbery: Of course it fucking is, you god damn wanker!

Pa-Patch: The fuck you just call me!?

Bobbery: You heard me! I called you a fucking wanker! I bet you have a lame and shitty ass story as to how your knob piece is made of bones! Trying to be edgy I see!?

Pa-Patch: I have you know, I got my original knob removed and replaced by the bones of my enemies by choice, motha fucka! Symbols of vanquishin' my foes and shit!

Bobbery: Barnacles I say! Anyway as I was blabbering about earlier… It's not only just the bloody skull carving that I noticed, but as we were smoking down earlier for my inauguration as the newest Team M member,

Flavio: WHAT!?

Bobbery: I noticed some things near the cave with stones. I mean, stone faces and I came to the realization that there is a song that carries folklore in subtext that only 1 of us knows about. And that song is… Come Sail Away by Styx.

Flavio: Wait... Who's Styx?

Bobbery: THE GUYS WHO WROTE THAT SONG YOU WONT SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT!

Flavio: Oh! That's who plays it!? Well, uhh… yes! Of course they do! I knew that… heheh… Well of course that's the lore to the greatest song ever written! Any1 could figure that out, you mutinous joker. I mean, HOW obvious! It makes sense that the greatest song in the world that happens about sailing would contain a Davinci-like code to open a cave on an island full of treasure that you have to quite literally sail for! Infact, I even knew in my head that the treasure is certainly behind that rock! And as such, I will continue the noble duty of protecting this camp from invasion or maintaining the boycott of sinful alcohol and drug use... Anyway, go! Carry on and grab the treasure! Do it for me!

Koops: Wait… I thought we needed him to sing that shitty song.

Bobbery: Oh Flavio, you old cheap ass spoiled rich twat monkey! You know… If you want the treasure, then why don't you go get it yourself? Or are you truly that big of a fucking pussy faced school girl to put in the work!

Flavio: I deplore your profanity and foul language, Admiral! Anyway… You see…. I…..

Yoshi: You a lazy ass bitch! We already know.

Morgan: He's just scared he's gonna shit himself if he sees ghosts again.

Flavio: … Alright, crew! Listen to me! Now normally I wouldn't break character for this, but perhaps I will temporarily make this congregation of henchmen and myself a democracy. Only temporarily though! Think of me as your president with this being said! And with that being said, I declare we establish a vote! Who thinks I should go along to investigate the cave entrance!? And who would rather me stay back here as a leader to protect the camp and crew!?

Those who Vote Flavio Investigates:

Morgan: Bye, bitch!

Dikk Ed: So long, loser!

Retard: You suck, and I hope you die!

Thriff T.: Please get rid of this guy!

Dolphin Sex: He tried to make me change my name! Fuck him!

Pa-Patch: Shitty Britches Shitty Britches Shitty Britches Shitty Britches!

Lord Crump: His shit in the bushes smells fishy to me! Take him away! I meant… NOTHING! Heheh yeah…

Bobbery: Get your ass in gear, "Puss for Brains!"

Those who Vote Flavio Stays Back:

Flavio: I vote, "I stay back!"

Flurrie: His company mixed with ours is most unwelcomed.

Goombella: I'd rather try finding another way that doesn't involve him…

Yoshi: You best be stayin' back, bitch!

Vivian: I really don't feel comfortable bringing him with…

Koops: Can't he just write the lyrics for us, and we can maybe transcribe it that way?

Mario: CAN WE JUST SACRIFICE HIM INSTEAD!?

Bobbery: Welp. There you have it, Flavio! Looks like you here were outvoted 8-7. Fair and square, eh wat?

Flavio: ...Um, NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR 1 BIT! YOU ALL EITHER DON'T ENJOY MY COMPANY, OR YOU'RE LIKE BOBBERY AND JUST MERELY USING ME TO RECITE MY FAVORITE SONG! MRRRRRRR! I HATE YOU ALL!

Goombella: Shit. Looks like we're gonna be stuck with this pretentious lunatic for a while. Really not looking forward to any of this…

Flavio: Mrrr…. I guess a vote is a vote. So I guess I will be joining you guys here.

Flavio has joined your party!

Every1: *Gasps*

Mario: WHAT!?

Just kidding. Only Temporary!

Mario: He… *panting* Hehe…. Hahahaha! Holy shit… Thank merciful fuck… I think I actually felt my entire life flash before my eyes for a sec! *deep breath* Phew! Though seriously. The idea of even temporarily having him with us still kinda sucks a bit.

Vivian: Doesn't feel so bad after that scare though. Hehe…

Mario: Welp. Alright. Then it's settled. Looks like we have Flavio taking on a similar role in Team M to Punio.

Flurrie: Oh yeah… that's right!

Mario: Alrighty then. Looks like since you're currently a member of Team M TEMPORARILY, that means you will be under MY command! Which means I'm your Captain now, bitch!

Flavio: Well I don't like this any more than you do... Tainting my very values and reputation by working under your unsophisticated regime.

Mario: Let's just get this shit over with. This better be the last time we do this fucking back and forth tracking shit.

Meanwhile as Team M + the Great Flavio walked near the cave,

Flavio: *whining* Oh come oooooonnnnn….. what's taking so loooooong ….. My feeeeeeeet huuuuuuurt….. I'm tiiiiiiired…. Are we there yeeeeeeetttt? I'm boooooooooooooored…

Mario: WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I PERMANENTLY ERASE YOU FROM EXISTENCE!

Flavio: Bite me; King of Scoundrels!

Mario: YOU'RE ACTUALLY WAY WORSE THAN WHEN PUNIO HAD YOUR POSITION!

Yoshi: Oh shit! We havin' a fight going on or what!?

Bobbery: Aigh! We're back!

Mario and company were faced with the cave and skull shaped entrance.

Flavio: Ah! Now what is all this? A ded end, taunting Flavio with its.. ded endy-ness...

Goombella: Shut up.

Bobbery: That's the skull rock we were talking about earlier, you dumb gorilla guzzling lollygagger! Now that we're here, time for you to fulfill your purpose, you contagious pile of cunt slime! Now sing god damnit SIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!

Flavio: Uhhhh….. Don't yell at me! I get really nervous and now I'm forgetting how the song goes! *piss self*

Bobbery: SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Flavio: I'm sailing away. Set an open course for the Virgin Sea 'Cause I've got to be free. Free to face the life that's ahead of me. On board, I'm the captain. So climb aboard. We'll search for tomorrow On every shore And I'll try, oh Lord, I'll try To carry on. I look to the sea. Reflections in the waves, spark my memory. Some happy, some sad. I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had. We lived happily forever So the story goes But somehow we missed out On the pot of gold But we'll try, best that we can To carry on. A gathering of angels Appeared above my head. They sang to me this song of hope And this is what they said. They said come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me, lads. Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me. Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me, baby. Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me. I thought that they were angels. But to my surprise, We climbed aboard their starship. We headed for the skies Singing "Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me, lads. Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away wit-"

Bobbery: OKAY! YOU CAN STOP SINGING THAT HOT FUCKING GARBAGE ABOMINATION OF A SONG! It just repeats itself with that some lame outro, and doesn't change from there! Okay… anyway, I think I figured out the code to this puzzle.

Koops: I'm feeling a bit nervous right now myself too actually…

Bobbery: So hear me out! So, pertaining to the shorter face with the red stache, when he sings "On board, I'm the captain So climb aboard. We'll search for tomorrow On every shore." Ah! This is starting to make sense I say!

Flurrie: Oh my… what ever could it mean, admiral…

Bobbery: It's simple, really. And Mario! This is when you come in! "So climb aboard" refers to the shorter structure with the red mustache. It wants you to perform the ol' ground pound technique on it by "climbing aboard" Lines like, "I'm the captain" and, "search for tomorrow'' refers to ground pounding on it… and with little subtle hints of the wording like "On board" and "every shore" refers to performing this ground pounding technique 3 times on it's head!

Mario: … This mother fucker is on crack!

Goombella: How does any of this make sense!? Seriously!

Bobbery: It's the little subtleties that only an experienced captain such as myself can un-code having the experience I do with folklore of the seeeeeaaaa!

Vivian: I'm a little surprised I never came across any folklore like this…

Bobbery: Now onto the taller 1 with the blue stache! Let's dissect the phrase "And I'll try, oh Lord, I'll try to carry on. I look to the sea reflections in the waves, spark my memory" This 1 is a little bit more direct by comparison indeed! So for the blue stached 1, with lyrics like "I'll try to carry on" and "spark my memory'' It refers to carrying a bloody hammer to its head, to spark it's memory! Judging from the line "reflections of the wave." Refers to hitting it 4 times! Now if it was only the word "reflection", it would mean "2" referring to an image from an image, but since it's here plural, the number is bumped up to 4!

Koops: K…. This is starting to sound more and more asspulled the more I hear this!

Yoshi: Yei! This be some fuckin' crack head talk!

Bobbery: And finally! The 1 I should've started with 1st! "I thought that they were angels but to my surprise we climbed aboard their starship we headed for the skies" Ahhhh….. Oh goodness… This 1 might be the most impossible part of this journey… "Starship" refers to the name of a rare ruby crystal dildo. "Headed for the skies," refers to inserting it through its skull as you see that open eye socket on it. "I thought they were angels" also refers to that as a reference.

Flurrie: This is such incredible insight…

Mario: This is so incredibly stupid…

Bobbery: That's in fact the unfortunate part of this process. Unless 1 of us majically somehow happens to be carrying this "red crystal dildo" thingamajig on hand, we're pretty much slip slipping screwed from obtaining this treasure… Welp looks like we otta declare "fuck it we tried" on this 1.

Koops: Hey wait a slick sec! Doesn't Flavio carry some kinda crystal dick shaped object with him?

Vivian: Wait! I think I remember now too! Yeah. I remember being drunk and getting yelled at not to touch it when we were at Podley's.

Flavio: Wait what!? Are you saying this ruby dildo passed along from my family after I recently moved out, is served to open this very cave before our eyes!? Hmm…. I supposed that it's supposed to serve as a key of some sorts of what rumors suggest.

Koops: Oh that's right! He got it back from me while I was asleep earlier.

Bobbery: HOLY BLOW HOLES! YOU OF ALL VANQUILLITURISTIC VIRGINS ACTUALLY HAVE IT ON YOU!?

Mario: Are we actually gonna follow this crazy ass nonsense? Oh well… fuck it. Guess we don't have any better options than going the contrived ass pull route this time. Anyway, Flavio. Put that dildo key into its eye socket to screw the pirate! Skull fucker style!

Flavio: Mrrrr…..

Goombella: What's wrong now?

Flavio: Errrr…. I'm just too nervous and uncomfortable to perform this act. Mother always discouraged me from this type of tom foolish behavior.

Yoshi: The hell you say!?

Koops: Alrighty. Well fuck it. Then I'll do it.

Flavio: Really!?

Koops: It's to open a cave. How uncomfortable can it make you?

Flavio: Mrrr fine. I normally don't let any1 touch this as it is still technically a family ornament, but beggars cannot be choosers I guess... But just know this! I am only LENDING it! To you! Meaning, do not dare run off with it! Understand!?

Koops: Well yeah… Not sure why any1 of us would wanna do that, but okay… whateves.

Flurrie: Can Flurrie have a turn holding the ruby dildo next?

Goombella: I'd prefer it if you didn't. I genuinely would not trust you with that thing in your hands.

Flurrie: Such a prude…

Koops inserted the dildo key into the eye socket of the stone skull. This causes not only the dildo to glow, but the 2 mustached structures to start glowing their eyes.

Vivian: Oh hey look! It's doing a thing!

Goombella: Is it me, or do those structures have a strange resemblance to that of Mario and Luigi?

Vivian: I can kinda see it!

Mario: I don't see any resemblance whatsoever. You're a fucking crazy!

Goombella: Fuck it. Bit of a random question from me I know…

Koops: Wait a sec… I think I can kinda see it too now!

Bobbery: Welp, now that they're activated. MARIO! DO IT! PERFORM THE RITUAL ON THE STRUCTURES GOD DAMNIT!?

Mario: Eww fuck that… even I gotta have some standards…

Vivian: I think he meant ground pounding the short 1 with the red mustache 3 times, and hitting the taller blue mustached 1 with your hammer 4 times if I remember correctly.

Mario: I can pretty much guarantee this shit ain't gonna work but fuck it why not.

And so, Mario performs the action that the bizarre folklore suggested. This caused a little door to open up above the skull carving.

Yoshi: OH SHIT! IT ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING!

Bobbery: Toldjah so!

Mario: You got fuckin' lucky with that theory. I'll give you that.

Bobbery: Alrighty Mario, mah boy! Now what I need you to do is, I need you to do the thing!

Mario: Come again?

Bobbery: THROW ME INTO THAT FUCKUNHOLY SMALL PATHWAY ABOVE THE SKULL!

Koops: Wait… isn't that supposed to be our entrance?

Bobbery: NEGATIVE, MY ASS-GARGLING ASSPIEMAHBOB! This path leads to a switch that only I am capable of detonating. NOW MARIO! THROW ME IN THERE GOD DAMNIT!

Mario: Alright… geez…

Mario lifted up Bobbery to perform his overworld move thus blowing up the pathway. This fortunately created a pathway into a new section of the island called the Pirates Grotto.

Bobbery: AH FINALLY! WE MADE IT! THERE BE THE PIRATES GROTTO!

Koops: What's a grotto?

Unfortunately, the explosion also caused the crystal dildo to blow up and shatter into millions of pieces.

Flavio: MY DIIIIIIILDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I KNEW IT! YOU BASTARDS ARE INDEED SCOUNDRELS! MARK MY WORDS, WHEN WE MAKE IT BACK TO CIVILIZATION, I WILL SUE ALL OF YOU FOR OBLITERATING A SYMBOL OF THE HOUSE OF THE FLAVIO FAMILY'S ANCESTRY!

Koops: That dildo you mean?

FLAVIO: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Flavio charged towards Mario crying like a wuss ass bitch punching him like a 4 year old Mario wasn't capable of feeling.

Mario flicked him on the forehead so hard, he sent Flavio flying away shooting out blood from his forehead firing him through the trees. Will he be seen again? Well… hate to say, but probably…

Flavio: YOU'RE AAAAALLLLLL KICKED OFFF THE CREEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww *ding*

Mario: I think that was probably the most therapeutic thing I've done for myself in a long time.

Vivian: That's so great to hear! I'm proud of you!

Goombella: So… Guessing it's safe to say that Flavio douche bag is off the team now?

Bobbery: Looks like it! May his presence alongside us be the hardest part of this chapture! If so, that means the worst has officially passed!

Yoshi: Hell yeah!

Flurrie: I would've liked to have stolen that crystal dildo from him personally... His possession of it was his 1 and only redeeming quality… Sad.

Mario: Welp, took us long enough! Had a shipwreck, had to build a stupid camp, had the team kinda-ish break up, had rabies, had my funeral, bring the team back, go through a bunch of backtracking, plus putting up with Flavio, but at we finally made to the next part of the god damn level! Let's-a fucking go into that god damn cave already!

Koops: I thought it was called a "grotto!"

TO BE CONTINUED

Who is your least favorite Paper Mario TTYD character and why? Feel free to post in the comment section! Mine seems obvious.