I'm back. Don't know what prompted this but here I be. Yeah yeah, very cordial of me I know. Appreciate this because who knows if I'll be back.

If you've never read this before, I don't know what to tell you. Read it anyways.

Summary: Goomba meets the squad after a very awkward and inconvenient murder, and gets a promotion he never knew he needed.

"Wait... That's.." he took his foot off the skin and noticed it was dark brown. His throat clenched. He shifted his eyes and noticed the brown Goomba shoes in the bloodpile. His face turned pale.

Oh no... These guys weren't beans after all. No, he just killed one of his own. He messed up again. He looked up and noticed the three gore-soaked, mildly surprised Goombas all staring at him. Just perfect.

"Uh… h-hey..."

"..."

"..."

"...Hey," said the first Goomba in the stack. He wore a blue baseball cap backwards which sagged over his back.

"...Hey," said the second Goomba in a more gruff manner. He had a spiked cuff around both his legs, twin red square markings under both his eyes and ridiculous green hair so long it spread at least two feet past his legs.

"Wassup," said the third Goomba, wearing a purple beanie.

They stood in place, their eyes darted back and forth.

"Yeah..." said our first Goomba. He opened his mouth and closed it again. "...I... ...I... ...I'm..." he inhaled. "...s-sorry... 'bout that... the..."

"Huh?" said the baseball cap Goomba.

"...You know, the guy I, your friend, well..." stammered Goomba 1.

"Oh YEAH YEAH," said baseball cap Goomba. "That uh, dead dude."

"...Yyyyeah. Him. I'm-"

Baseball Goomba chuckled. "Haha dude, it's good."

"...reallysorryIdidthatyouknowhejustlooked-huh?" Our first Goomba stared at Baseball Goomba.

"Yeah," said the purple beanie guy. "He's not-uh, wasn't-our frickin' friend, 'man. Literally just, uh, some rando from the street."

Goomba 1 arched his eyes back. "Um... o-k?" He chuckled and started blushing. "But still, I... I killed him and you don't... care?"

"Hell naw man. That was fuckin' hilarious," continued the purple beanie guy.

"R-really," said Goomba 1 hesitatingly.

"Yeah. The way he just went splat everywhere like some big balloon. That was sick."

Goomba 1 just nodded. "Y-Yup." He hoped nobody noticed his sweat or his red eyes. "B-But uh... just, y'know, checking and er all that, you're not mad for... the thing? Y'know, the..." He pursed his tongue, still thinking about how crazy this goomba was.

"Eh..." said Baseball Goomba. He shook his head.

"I feel like I should," said the crazy-long-haired Goomba. "But I'm too tired to care."

Goomba uneasily glanced behind him. Wow these people were something else. In some ways he might have preffered for them to be upset.

"So, you guys needed a leader-"

"Huh, oh yeah. Yeah, for... freeze tag."

'Yeah, that... that makes sense," lied Goomba 1.

"But why are you... like, asking?" asked Baseball Goomba.

"I don't... I don't know," sighed Goomba 1.

The other three Goombas lay on the rocky ground, still thinking.

"What do you think about him being leader?" asked Crazy Long Hair Goomba. "Of freeze tag."

Baseball Cap Goomba sat still and didn't move.

"...Did you hear me? I said-"

"Yeah, I gotchu, y'know. I was..." Baseball Cap Goomba paused, embarrassed. "...uh, shrugging."

"...Dude," said Spiked Cuff Goomba. Purple Beanie Goomba chuckled.

"I thought that was my superpower. To shrug... without arms... and yeah."

"..."

"...I guess random Goomba guy can captain. You know. Who cares," mumbled Baseball Cap Goomba.

"Yeah, who cares," muttered Purple Beanie Goomba.

"'See, you get it." Baseball Goomba perked up. "Hey, you still got that flag thing?"

"Yeah why?"

Baseball Goomba chuckled. "Let's lug that bitch on him."

"Oh yeah." Purple Beanie Goomba laughed. "I gotcha."

Baseball Goomba turned to Goomba 1. "Hey, what's good?"

Goomba 1 arched his eye.

"We got a cool deal. Super dope."

"Huh?" said Goomba 1.

"Yeah. You wanna be our captain? Of freeze tag."

"I don't know, let me think about it."

Well on the one hand, thought Goomba 1, I'm not really a physical person. Unless you count jumping on Mario as physical.

But I'm also not Goomba rank #521C74 anymore. I'm a new person. Now I'm... I don't know. But I'm not him. I'm different. And maybe different me likes freeze tag.

"Yeah... sure, screw it."

"Cool, you just gotta do one thing to be Captain. Of Freeze Tag," said Jill.

Captain Goomba pursed his lips and shifted his feet back. "Alright. What?"

"Yeah, uh...?" Jill pursed his lips, eyes scurrying around the cliff area. His eyes saw something that caught his fancy; he smiled, turned back to Goomba 1. "Captain, you see that rock?"

Captain Goomba arched his head back. Behind him he saw a moderate-sized gray stone sticking out of the ground. "That one?"

"Yep. Just go, uh, jump on it or something," said Jill.

"Jill..." muttered the long-haired Goomba.

"Are you.. are you sure buddy?" said Captain Goomba.

"Yeah man." Jill glanced at him all starry-eyed and shit.

"Yeah... if it will help," said Captain Goomba.

He turned to the rock. He took some deep breaths. He tensed, moved his feet in position. Glared at the rock. And then he actually did it. He ran forward, jumped up and headbonked into the rock at full force, failing to make a dent and falling backwards, moaning.

All three of the Goombas looked at his head, which was now bleeding slightly.

"...Holy shit, he actually did it," Koby remarked.

"That's crazy," muttered the long-haired Goomba.

"Bro, bet we could get him to do anything if we stroked his ego enough," laughed Jill. Koby laughed in agreement while Goomba 3 sighed in disapproval.

Captain Goomba hopped back up and looked at his new squad. "Were y'all saying something?" he asked.

The three froze up and looked at each other. After confused glances at each other, Jill decided to speak up. "Naw man, nothing."

"By the way, you look supercool when you smash your head like that," added Koby. "Super dope."

Captain Goomba blushed. "Thanks. I don't think that helped though..."

"Really? Damn," said Jill with poorly-faked disappointment.

"But," added Captain Goomba, "I did it, so that means..."

Suddenly a random flag popped up on Goomba 1's head. The other three gawked, whereas Goomba 1 arched his eyes up and eventually noticed.

"Hey uh, if you don't mind me asking... what's with that flag? Y'know. The one up there."

Even in their practically comatose states, the other three managed blank stares.

"Yo, is this kid like, for real," said Spiked Cuff Goomba.

"Well basically," said Baseball Cap Goomba, "It means you're beast."

"Huh?"

"He means captain," muttered Spiked Cuff Goomba.

"So now you're a captain guy. Captain... Goomba," said Baseball Cap Goomba. Trying to sound ominous but barely trying to stretch his cords.

Goomba 1 (I'm sorry, Captain Goomba) was still busy processing this.

So I guess I'm a.. captain now?... Uhh... Okay.

"That's cool. Love it," said Goomba 1, now rechristened as Captain Goomba.

Finally man, I was gettin' tired of callin' him Goomba 1!

"Yeah see, it even sparkle and all that," said Baseball Cap Goomba.

"Yeah it does, wait, what were-Oh right," muttered Jill. "We're...?" he turned to his friends for confirmation. Kody and Goomba 3 both nodded.

"Yeah, we're playing freeze tag. Let's get ready I guess."

Captain Goomba thought about it. On the one hand, he was supposed to be going MIA. But on the other hand... the fame... the respect... and he had three mostly willing Goombas ready to help him.

Captain Goomba sighed and nodded. "If you'll help me and all that.

"Yeah, totally," said Jill unconvincingly.

"Probably," said Koby.

The third Goomba shrugged.

"Alright, it's official," sighed Captain Goomba. "We're a squad."

An awkward silence filled the air. The four Goombas paced back and forth, Captain Goomba still covered in blood.

They all started pacing around awkwardly.

"So ready to start freeze taggin'?" said Baseball Cap Goomba.

"Yeah but first, is there anywhere I can get all this, y'know, blood off me?" Captain Goomba asked.

"Yeah, there's a waterfall somewhere here," said Koby.

"We could also dump his body in there," said Jill, motioning to the corpse of that one other Goomba.

Captain Goomba sighed. "Yeah, might as well." This is not going to be fun, he continued in his head.

A few minutes later...

"You guys ready to go?" said Koby.

Captain Goomba shivered. Not just 'cause the water he just washed off in was cold. But also for more obvious reasons. Regardless, not wanting to get on their bad side, he nodded.

"I think the xan's kickin' in", muttered Spiked Cuff Goomba.

"Yo, mine too," said Purple Beanie Goomba.

"Yeah... I ain't really feelin' it now," said Baseball Cap Goomba. "Hey Captain Goomba," he turned around. "Change of plans. We're goin' in."

Captain Goomba was confused. "In?"

"Our house.

"Oh yeah. Duh." Honestly he was kind of glad.

Inside the house

The "house" wasn't exactly the most visually impressive place. It was a secluded, run down place in a deep wide space, dimly lit, just crap in general.

"Yeah boy, this our crib," said Baseball Cap Goomba.

Captain Goomba arched an eyebrow. "Yeah it's... well maintained," he said unconvincingly.

"Yeah it's great," said Baseball Cap Goomba. He flipped on the floor. "Gimme a cheese ball Jill," he said.

"Yeah whatever," said Jill, who was apparently the Goomba wearing a purple beanie. He walked up to a Cheese Ball on the table, grunted, and managed to kick it into Koby's mouth.

"Good shit," said Baseball Cap Goomba.

"Yeah that's basically what we do here," said Jill, noticing Captain Goomba glancing curiously. "Y'know, just chill here. And do freeze tag sometimes."

"You mean never," said the long-haired Goomba.

"Yeah that's kinda true," admitted Jill. "

Captain Goomba's eyes darted to an obvious rusty water pipe on the wall, that was currently dripping into a puddle from a cut somewhere in the middle. "Yeah, real winner crib," said Captain Goomba. He stepped on a leftover pizza box and grimaced; it looked older than the Star Spirits.

"You know the best part? The gov literally dosen't know about this place," said Koby. "We literally don't pay taxes or any of that lame shit."

Captain Goomba raised his eyebrow in clear doubt. "Really."

"Yep," Said Jill.

"...Okay," chuckled Captain Goomba. "Just hope you won't, y'know, place the tax on me later or anything. So what am I supposed to do now?" asked Captain Goomba.

"I don' even know. Captain stuff? I guess." said Koby.

"Yeah, just do whatever. I mean, my day's basically over now dude," laughed Jill.

Everybody sat still and let the wind do all the talking.

"Goddamn, I'm feeling horny," muttered Jill. "Are there any porn channels on right now?"

"Captain Goomba, what the hell have you gotten yourself into?"

Captain Goomba was sitting outside of the weird house he just walked in. Today was just full of surprises wasn't it? From a normal day getting beaten by Mario, to suddenly being in the position to become... (drumroll)... the Captain. Of three deadbeat Goombas with seemingly little future, but it still counts.

You could argue that it wasn't wise to associate with these types. Fair. But on the other hand, who knew when he'd get a chance to find another shelter and stuff. Yeah he didn't really have too much of a choice now. He was just gonna stay with these peculiar Goombas for at least a little longer. He lay back against the shelter wall and stared at the dim evening sky.

"Alright. Sounds like a plan." Captain Goomba said to himself. He tried to shrug. "Oh."

TO BE CONTINUED...