A/N Surprise ❤️

Huge thank you to April and Fran for literally dropping everything to get this pre-read and beta'd for you ❤️

On a whim I decided to finish it today and try and post it today as well.

Hope you enjoy it xx

Chapter Nineteen: Bittersweet

Edward

xXx

I carefully push open the door to the lounge and sigh, leaning against the wall when I see Bella sleeping next to her dad, her body much smaller than his on the small couch.

Her dark hair is splayed across the cushion, her body tucked into a ball, knees up against her chest. The blanket around her has slipped off her shoulders, and my fingers twitch with the urge to fix it, to wrap it around her. She's so vulnerable like this, even more than when she was crying in the shower last night when I had her in my arms, and she was shaking against me.

I exhale roughly and leave the room, running a hand across my head. The hairs are coming back in now, but I'll shave it again when it properly starts to grow.

Keep it buzzed down until Tommie is all better.

I drop myself onto the couch and tilt my head up to stare at the ceiling. I can hear Bobbie and Garrett, Charlie's security, talking in the kitchen, but I can't be fucked to talk to them.

I'm fucking tired, sad, and pissed off with Charlie for leaving Bella alone all night. He practically begged me to make her come down, but when she said no, I lied and told him she was asleep. The fuck if I was gonna make her do anything after what she went through.

Instead, I sat outside her door and listened to her cry herself to sleep.

Something wrenches under my ribs, and my jaw clenches. I hate seeing her upset, but it's not my fucking job to comfort her.

I swallow, my fingers twitching. I feel restless … like I need to run or hit something.

I throw myself up off the couch and practically stalk to the kitchen. The guys are having a heated discussion about football, but they fall silent when they see me, Garett arching a brow when his eyes meet mine.

"You all right, man?"

"Just need to run," I say, shrugging. "You good here, G?"

He nods, grimacing. "Yeah, I've got another two guys outside. They'll stay on rotation, keeping watch on the house. Waitin' for SBS to give us the new plan for inside and for Isabella. Go for a run; I'll ring you if we need you."

I clap him on the shoulder and run upstairs to get changed.

The second my feet hit the pavement outside, I'm sprinting; my breath leaving in short rough pants. I push myself until there are no thoughts in my head except the pain in my chest and my burning muscles.

When I get back in the house, Charlie is awake and in the kitchen with SJ, his face drawn. She's sobbing, and I walk up and squeeze her shoulder.

"Until we know how they got in, I'm tightening everything up," Charlie mutters to me, his sharp blue eyes meeting mine. "She can go to school, but you have to walk her in and out of the building. Otherwise, she's either here or at the penthouse. No socializing, no shop, nothing else. Capiche?"

"Can I be honest with you?" I say, lifting my chin slightly. "I don't think she'll fuckin' listen, boss. I think if you cut her off from everything, she'll sneak off and do something stupid."

Charlie's jaw clenches, and he sighs angrily. "Then it's your job to stop her from sneaking off, isn't it?. It's just for a week or two; she'll live."

"You got it, boss," I nod respectfully, "was just telling you what I think."

Charlie ignores me, taking SJ aside to talk to her, and I cross my arms, the sweat drying on my skin and making me shiver. Inside I'm trying not to panic, but I don't know what I'm gonna do about Tommie's treatments when they start up again next week. Not to mention if I can't take Bella to see him, both of them will be upset.

SJ lets out another wail, and I shift uncomfortably.

"Just go home, Sarah," Charlie says kindly, patting her on the shoulder. "Isabella will be fine."

Before she leaves, she tells me to look after Bella, her eyes fixing on mine with an intensity I haven't seen from her before.

"You know I will," I tell her, tugging at her ponytail playfully.

Charlie's phone rings and he picks it up, cursing. "I've got to fucking go."

I force my fists not to clench. "You gonna wake her up?"

Charlie's face darkens and then falls a little, a weary sigh leaving his lips. "No, I...take her to see me tonight; I'll get the chef from Anzia to cook us a meal. We can talk then. Emmett's on his way anyway, so she'll have him for the rest of the day."

He gives me a nod and then tells Bobbie he's staying at the house permanently from now on. I hide my unease. I'll have to watch my behavior around Bella, and she's going to act like the worst version of herself whenever he's around.

Bobbie goes to stand in the foyer, and I walk back into thelounge, collapsing on the couch by the piano, tugging at my sweaty shirt. I'll go shower after Emmett gets here, so Bella doesn't wake up on her own.

I've been lying there for about twenty minutes when I hear the front door open.

"Where is she?" Emmett practically yells, bursting into the room.

"She's asleep in there, man," I tell him, gesturing to the door at the other side of the room. I get off the couch, and Emmett walks up to me, tearing at his hair.

"Fuck me. I mean...shit. How the fuck did they get in?" he stresses.

I shrug, crossing my arms. "Got through the front door, jammed the cameras. Obviously had all the high tech shit to do it because it's not fucking easy getting in here."

As I say the words, I feel a flicker of guilt. If Bella can hack into the cameras, how good are they? But is that on fucking me for not telling her secret? Or her? Or neither of us because they would get in anyway? Fuck.

"Did she sleep?" Emmett asks quietly, "Is she okay?"

I shrug again, and Emmett groans quietly, "Sorry, I know you probably don't fucking care, and I can't exactly blame you. She's hard work, I know, but she's a good girl."

I shift, looking away from him. I know she's a fucking good girl.

"Did he speak to her?"

"The boss?" I ask him, quirking a brow.

"Yeah."

I shake my head.

"Was it just SBS, or did Jimmy and the rest come?" Emmett asks me, shrugging out of his jacket.

"Just the boss," I state, rubbing my tricep. "He told me shit went down with Bano last night. Minor gang stole a bunch of shit, so he and a few of the others hunted them down and taught them a lesson to keep Bano sweet after all that shit last month. How was Miami?"

Emmett sighs, unstrapping his gun and putting it down. "Fucking shitshow. I hate dealing with Bianci. He's a cunt."

I snort. "And the others aren't?"

Emmett smirks. "Well...a bigger cunt then."

"Em?" Both Emmett and my head jerk to the left, and my chest tightens as I see Bella. Her eyes are bloodshot, her cheeks red from crying.

Even like this, she's beautiful, fucking gorgeous.

Emmett scoops her up in a tight hug, and Bella grips him for dear life, crying into his neck. He sits down on the couch with her, stroking her hair, and she burrows into his lap, sobbing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Emmett murmurs in her hair. "I'm so glad you're okay, Cygnet."

A bubble of tension sits in my stomach watching her cling to Emmett.

She needed this.

Needed it last night.

Images of me wrapping her in my arms and holding her the way Emmett is flicker at the front of my mind, and I stand up straighter, looking away from them.

"Gonna shower," I mutter, but neither of them is listening.

I head upstairs and strip, getting into the shower and placing my hands on the wall as the hot water streams over me.

Yesterday was a fucking nightmare.

Finding Pattie like that…

And before that, at Bella's school…

I groan loudly.

I fucking kissed her. And it wasn't just a chaste kiss; I had my fucking tongue down her throat, felt her tight little body pressed up against mine, heard her breathy little whimpers. Christ, she felt good, so damn fucking good even the memory of it has me hard in seconds, my cock aching as I remember the feel of her plump ass rubbing against my hard dick.

Being in the closet with her was hard enough as it was, then she had to go and fucking moan, and I couldn't help but touch her. That kiss fucking destroyed me. Made me feel like I was high, like I had to have her, like I'd die if I didn't taste her, fuck her.

I groan, resisting the urge to take my cock in my hand. She's a death sentence, and I know that. I don't want to risk it; I can't risk it. But fuck me, I want her.

And the fact that she wants me too only makes it harder.

I turn the water to cold, hissing briefly before relaxing into it. The prison water wasn't hot very often, but I've already gotten used to fucking hot showers and clean clothes. This job is fucking me up.

She's fucking me up.

Emmett and Bella are in the TV room when I get back downstairs, and she's smiling a little, even if it isn't reaching her eyes.

"You can go home soon, Mase," Emmett tells me, winking."I'll stay with her for all of today and tomorrow, and then D will be here on the weekend. Bobbie is living in now, so as long as we've always got two inside and one outside, shit will be fine. So, have some time off, bet you fucking need it after yesterday."

Bella's eyes catch mine for a second, and the jolt that goes through me makes me look away quickly.

"Thanks, man," I say, nodding at him.

He kisses Bella's head. "I'm gonna go make some calls, sweetheart. Mase, if you wouldn't mind sticking around for another hour, I'm gonna sort everything out so I can turn my fucking phone off and just be with Cygnet."

I shrug. "Yeah, man."

Emmett walks out of the room, pausing in the doorway. "Bella, don't give him a hard time today, please, for me."

He walks out, and Bella draws her knees into her chest, staring up at me. "Hi," she says quietly.

I put my hands in my pockets. "Hi."

"You...slept outside my room."

I nod, my jaw tightening. "I just…" I trail off.

"Thank you," Bella murmurs.

I stare into her beautiful eyes and nod. "It's nothin'."

"So...four days off, Tommie will be so excited," Bella says warmly, playing with the frayed ends of her jumper.

I smile, grabbing the back of my neck. "Yeah. I'll take him to the skatepark. Gotta make the most of this week before the next round starts."

"He seemed good on Tuesday," Bella comments, biting her lip. "Like his usual self."

"Doc says, kids bounce back fast," I say softly. "The marrow transplant thing should help him too."

Bella nods, looking worried. "But Doctor Cullen said you and your mom might not be a match."

"We'll find one," I say confidently, even though I'm fucking far from it.

Bella smiles, and I give her a half-smile back.

I don't have the heart to tell her Charlie doesn't want her seeing Tommie or doing anything outside the house until they find out who broke in and how they did it.

After a while, Emmett comes back and gives me the all-clear.

"I'll see you Monday, Bella," I tell her, clapping Emmett on the shoulder.

"Bye, Fido," Bella says in a bored tone, but when she meets my eyes, she mouths, "See you Monday" and smiles at me.

Emmett chuckles, laying down next to her, and she curls into him. I feel her eyes on me as I leave the room, and I push down the weird feeling of unease that's bubbling in my stomach.

She's safe with Emmett.

I know that.

So why does leaving her feel so wrong?

xXx

The sun beams down on the back of my neck, and I shield it from my eyes with my hand, the sound of wheels on concrete filling the air. My focus is completely on Tommie as he stands at the top of the ramp, his skateboard in hand, bright green helmet clipped tightly to his head.

I forced him to wear knee guards and elbow guards as well, and even though he grumbled at me, I think he's secretly happy for the added protection, just in case he falls.

Not that Tommie worries about things like that, he throws himself into everything with a reckless abandon that makes me proud as fuck and also terrifies the living shit out of me.

He takes a deep breath, gives me a cheeky smile, and then steps on one side of his board, dropping off the edge. I let out a rush of air as he manages to stay on, then choke as he flies up on the other side, twisting in the air for a second before he slams back down the ramp at high speed.

Fuck me. He's never done that before.

He stops at the bottom and looks at me with his mouth open in shock.

"Fuck yes!" I yell, a wide grin stretching across my cheeks at Tommie's triumphant expression.

He throws his skateboard on the floor and runs to me, his green eyes sparkling. I catch him in the air as he jumps and hug him tight to me, spinning him around.

"Did you see that, Ed? Did you see that?" he repeats, giggling excitedly.

"Fuck, yeah, I saw that, kid. So awesome!" I praise.

"I wanna do it again!" Tommie crows, struggling in my grip until I let him down. He shoots me a grin over his shoulder and then runs back to his board.

He has treatment again tomorrow, and I try to capture him like this, smiling and rosy-cheeked, still gaunt, and too small for his age, but happy and excited.

I know after tomorrow, when the new and more intense chemo starts, he'll lose all of it, the Doc already explained it to us. I sigh wearily, rubbing the back of my neck. I've got to go back to Charlie's tonight, and I still haven't told Tommie he won't be able to see Bella for a while. I haven't told either of them.

After he does it again, he runs back to me, grinning. "Ed, will you film it and show Bella? I want her to see!"

"Of course, I will," I tell him, taking out my phone.

xXx

Tommie's eyes well up when I leave him, and I spend the whole time on the way to Charlie's fighting the urge to break something.

I feel torn in two. I need the money from this job to help him, but it fucking kills me not being with him.

There's a pang under my ribs as I consider what it would mean if I didn't need to work for Charlie anymore; if I found another way to pay for Tommie.

I'd probably never see Bella again.

I swallow heavily, something churning in my gut. I don't want that either.

I don't know what I fucking want.

Stevie takes me through the garage, past two guys I don't recognize, guarding the back entrance. There's another two at the front door, and I mentally brace myself for the foul mood Bella is undoubtedly in because of it.

When I stroll into the kitchen, I find her sitting at the counter, sketching.

I watch her for a while, feeling something loosen a little in my chest. Her thick brown hair glints in the afternoon sun, her eyebrows slightly furrowed in concentration. My eyes flick down her body, and I swallow. She's in a pair of sweatpants and a tiny black strip of fabric on top, revealing the dimples in the small of her back and her toned stomach.

The tiny daisies on her spine peek out of the top and bottom, and I'm struck by the urge to trace my fingers down her back, feel her warm, soft skin under my hands.

I've dreamt about that goddam fucking tattoo and her almost every night since I left her. It's a change from the nightmares that usually plague my sleep, but this is a new kind of purgatory.

I drop my bag on the floor to alert her to my presence, and she jumps, turning to me with wide eyes.

I move closer to her. "Sorry," I murmur, my gaze drifting to the drawing of Pattie on the paper, wide-eyed and surrounded by a black shadow. I feel a slight ache curl under my ribs, and Bella closes the sketchbook, biting her lip.

"I'm just-"

"Trying to get it out your head, I know," I finish gently.

Bella swallows harshly and then nods. "You're…back?" she asks softly.

"I'm back," I confirm. Her eyes light up, and I flash her a lopsided smile. "Miss me, trouble?"

She smirks, standing and walking to me, tilting her head back and staring into my eyes. "Never."

I open my mouth to retort when footsteps sound outside the room.

I step back from Bella just as Bobbie walks in. He looks exhausted, and I feel a flash of sympathy for him since I know dealing with Bella isn't easy.

"Isabella," he says stiffly, "I've been looking for you everywhere; you can't just disappear like that. I need to know where you are at all times."

I watch Bella stiffen, her eyes narrowing. She turns to face Bobbie, flipping her hair and sending the strong scent of vanilla my way.

"I'm sorry, Robert-"

"It's Bobbie," he interrupts.

Bella smirks. "I don't care. As for where I am? Well, this, Robert, is a kitchen, and I'm currently standing in it. Observe," she gestures to herself. She gives him a sad look, "Please tell your optician that you need help desperately. It might be too far gone for glasses at this point, but hey, miracles do exist."

I cough to cover the snort that leaves me.

Bobbie grits his teeth and then exhales roughly. "Thank fuck you're back. I don't get paid enough for this shit," he mutters to me, turning around and walking out the door.

Bella turns back to me with a sly smile, and I shake my head at her, ducking my head to hide my smirk.

She steps right up to me. "Amused, Masen?"

I shrug. "Nah."

Bella grins, "Liar."

I move my mouth to her ear, and she freezes, her breath catching.

"You're not that funny," I murmur in a low voice, stepping back from her and winking.

I watch her cheeks flush slightly, and my eyes drop to her mouth as her lips part.

"Bella," I warn. "You can't look at me like that."

"Like what?" she says innocently.

I lean back against the counter. "Like you want me."

Bella smirks. "Is that what you think?"

I snigger, crossing my arms. My eyes drift to the kitchen island, and I sigh, the smile falling from my lips instantly.

Bella's playful demeanor shifts, and she wrings her hands together. "I couldn't come in here the first few days."

"How you feeling?" I ask her softly, meeting her gaze. Her eyes fill with tears, and she shifts.

"I don't know," she chokes out. "I can't go anywhere, SJ still isn't back, and I…" she trails off.

I step closer to her and lift my thumb to her cheek, swiping at a tear. "Please don't cry."

Bella stares up at me, and I'm hit in the gut with the desire to take her into my arms. I swallow heavily, letting my hand drop.

"How are you?" Bella asks me softly, wiping her eyes. "How's Tommie?"

I step back from her slightly and run a hand through my hair. "He's good, yeah. He got his first few tricks on the board."

"Oh my god! Did you film it?" Bella asks excitedly, a wide smile gracing her face.

I grin back and take out my phone. "Yeah, not the first time; obviously, I was too busy fuckin' jumping up and down like a stupid little girl."

I click on the video, and Bella leans closer to my side, her warm body pressed against my arm, the scent of vanilla intoxicating me.

"Come on, kid, do it again!" My voice rings out from the phone.

Tommie beams into the camera. "Will you show Bella?"

"Course I will, man, come on!"

Bella makes a noise next to me, and I glance at her, swallowing heavily when I see the pure happiness on her face. I can't drag my eyes away as she watches him, letting out an excited gasp when he completes the move.

She turns to me, a wide smile gracing her mouth. "Aw, it's so cool! He did so good!"

"Yeah." I smile.

We stare at each other for a second, and the atmosphere between us suddenly changes, heat spitting down my spine. Her mouth parts and her eyes drop to my lips. I feel a tug in the pit of my stomach as they darken, a glint appearing in that network of blue, green, and brown.

"I can't stop thinking about the kiss," Bella murmurs softly.

Fuck.

"Same." I admit, swallowing, "but you know it can never happen again."

She nods, "I know, I just want..." Bella bites down on her lip again, sucking it into her mouth, and I inhale sharply.

"Bella, stop," I order her, swallowing heavily.

"Sorry," Bella says, biting her lip harder.

I swallow and pull her lip from between her teeth with my thumb. It's so fucking plump and soft and wet. My lower stomach jolts.

"That," I tell her, my voice a low growl, "is very fucking tempting. Don't bite your fucking lip like that."

She stares at me with wide eyes as I take my thumb to my mouth and suck it inside. Her breath catches, her eyes hooding over.

"Fuck," I mutter, licking my bottom lip, "I can't deal with you when you look at me like that."

"Like I want you?" Bella repeats my words from before, her eyes glinting.

I nod sharply.

"Well, you look at me like that too," she says breathily.

I give her a pointed look, and her cheeks flush, her lips parting.

Suddenly she smirks and steps back from me. "So you admit it, you do want me."

I arch an eyebrow and then smirk. "God, you're a fucking brat. Yes. I want you. But we can't."

"I know. I'm sorry for making it so hard," Bella says.

I snort, pressing my palm to my face, and she giggles as her words register. "Mm," I drop my hand and smirk at her, "Are you?"

She grins at me and then bites her lip. "I don't...I wouldn't want you to get hurt."

I tilt my head at her, and she looks down quickly, "For Tommie, because he...needs you."

"Yeah, he does," I say quietly. "Also, getting tortured isn't really on my agenda."

A ghost of a smile plays at her lips. "I'll be good. I promise."

xXx

Bobbie asks D to stay for a few hours while he goes to the gym, and I sit at the kitchen counter, drumming my fingers against the marble while Bella draws next to me, my eyes fixed on Demetri as he makes himself a coffee.

"Wish he'd hurry the fuck up; got places to be," he grumbles. "Don't see why we gotta have two of us on shift."

"I don't see why either, considering you're actually more useless being here than not being here at all," Bella says matter of factly, not looking up from her sketchpad.

Demetri shoots her a dark look.

I glance over at her, fighting a smirk, but it falls from my face when I see the drawing on the page. I've seen the design before, but never like this, never with so much color.

The fox is practically alive on the paper, big eyes staring out like a kaleidoscope of color surrounds it, flowers and tiny stars intertwined with thick shadow. I've never seen anything like it.

The sound of the coffee grinder fills the air, and I lean closer to Bella.

"That's fuckin' beautiful," I breathe.

Bella freezes and then lifts her head to meet my eyes. I feel a jolt go through me as she stares at me, but she quickly looks away, and I move myself back, just in time for D to turn around.

His eyes are bloodshot, and his fingers tap on the mug aggressively as he surveys me. I frown at him, something niggling in the back of my mind.

Bella lets out a tired sigh, "Can you both fuck off? I think I'll be fine in the kitchen by myself, without you watching me like hawks."

I know she doesn't mean it, not to me anyway, but I still feel a slight twist in my chest at her words, and my surprise at the reaction makes me stand abruptly, almost kicking over my chair.

Bella turns to me with an alarmed expression, but I ignore her, leaving the room and tearing at my hair. I don't know what the fuck is going on with me, but I don't like it.

I collapse on the couch, playing with the threads on a cushion to occupy my fingers. I'm itching for a cigarette.

I hear footsteps, and I look up, meeting Bella's confused eyes. I look behind her for D, but she shakes her head.

"I think he's gone for a shower…" she trails off and tilts her head at me. "I didn't...you know that I don't mean-"

"I know," I say casually, arching a brow at her.

"Oh," she says quietly, "I just…you left like…"

"I'm just playing your game, Bella; that's what you want, isn't it?" I ask, smirking.

Her eyes widen, and she frowns, "I...right."

I look away from her sharply.

"I was thinking about picking some stuff up for Tommie after school tomorrow," Bella starts to say, "We can give it to him on Th-"

"We can't go with him," I interrupt, staring down at the floor.

"W-what?"

"Your dad says we can't," I state, avoiding looking at her.

"Fuck that, we're going, or just you go, leave me here and go!"

"No," I say firmly.

Bella's silent for a moment, "Masen, I don't...did I do something?"

I sigh, "No. Don't you think I want to be with him, Bella? Do you think I like the fact we can't go?"

She sits next to me, and I swallow. I can feel the heat of her body next to mine, her back inches away from my hand.

Her voice is quiet, "After P- After...You said you'd go against him if it meant protecting me."

My jaw tenses, but I nod.

Bella moves back slightly, and my knuckles graze her bare skin, the softness making something pull in my groin.

"I'm going on Thursday, with my father's permission or not, and if you don't help me, I...I'll go anyway."

I close my eyes for a brief second and then turn to her, arching an eyebrow. "You think you can sneak past me and Bobbie?"

"Yes," Bella says seriously, a stubborn glint in her eye. "Besides, it would be straight from school, right?. So I'd only have to sneak past you."

"But I know where you'll be going." I point out, fighting a laugh.

Bella smirks, "You know I'll be at the hospital with Tommie, but that doesn't mean you'll be able to find us."

"Bella…" I shake my head.

She shrugs, "You may as well just come with me."

I lean back, tilting my head up to the ceiling. Bella leans back into my hand, and I start tracing my knuckles up and down automatically, only realizing what I'm doing when she lets out a breathy sigh. I quickly pull my hand away and put them both behind my head, my jaw jumping.

"I'll try and talk to him," I mutter.

"Thank you," Bella says softly.

My head jerks up as I feel a burning warmth against my thigh. I stare down at her hand on my leg, and she quickly takes it off. "I'm sorry."

I exhale roughly. "I'm not...it's fine. It doesn't really bother me when you touch me anymore."

Bella studies me cautiously, "It doesn't?"

I shake my head in response, and we stare at each other for a heavy second before she looks away, leaning forward and resting her chin in her hands as she stares through the doorway.

My eyes drift down her back and fix on that tiny chain of daisies that haunts my dreams. What happened to Pattie, and being away from Bella the past few days, disguised something I should have known.

That fucking kiss changed everything.

Until the next one. Big love, and let me know what you're thinking ❤️