A/N - Unedited, unbeta'd, probably full of mistakes which I take full responsibility for - I also take responsibility for my characters, whom I adore immensely, even when they completely dominate my day off and make me spend ten hours writing instead of doing the things I really should have been occupying my time with…enjoy xo

Chapter Twenty One: Deeper

Edward

xXx

"Bella," I say softly, gently grabbing her shoulder. She stirs, blinking blearily and I place my fingers at my lips, nudging my head to where Tommie's sleeping on her.

She stares down at him with a soft smile and kisses his head.

My chest pangs. Treatment was rough on him today. We got back a few hours ago and he threw up for an hour or so before Bella coaxed him into bed and read to him. I went out for a cigarette and when I came back they were both fast asleep so I left them there. Bella had the genius idea to put the radio next to a speaker and blare indie tunes into it, which I'll probably get a little bit of shit for later, but Stevie's outside and we play by the rules enough for no one to suspect anything.

Bella carefully extricates Tommie from her arms. "How long were we sleeping?" she murmurs.

"Just a few hours."

"Mama?" Tommie murmurs.

Bella shoots me a questioning look and I shake my head. She runs a hand gently across his pale cheek. He's so gaunt it makes me feel fucking sick. "It's okay Tommie. Go back to sleep, your mama will be here any second."

He mumbles something else and then cuddles his bear tighter, his eyes flickering behind the closed lids.

"Where is she?" Bella whispers to me.

I shrug.

"Do you think she's okay?"

"I'm sure she's fine," I breathe. Bella gets up and trips, going sprawling. I grab her quickly before she can make a noise, pulling her into my body. She inhales sharply, staring up at me.

"Pins and needles?" I ask her, smirking.

"W-what?" Bella asks, her mouth parting. She's so fucking sexy I can't stand it. My fingers graze the back of her waist, and I exhale roughly at the feel of her soft skin, resisting the urge to trace her tattoo. I almost fucking called her Daisy this morning, the slip coming far too easily. I rarely refer to her in my mind as anything else anymore. My eyes drop down to her full, pink lips and I swallow, gently pushing her back.

"Nothin'," I mutter. "We need to go, your dad wants us to come to the penthouse. I'll have to call Ricko if Es doesn't turn up soon."

"Fuck him," she states obstinately. "We're not leaving Tommie like this."

I sigh. "Bella. He did me a huge favor letting me take you to that hospital tonight, he didn't want you in public at all…can we just do what he says for fucking once, please."

Bella's jaw clenches and she pushes past me, walking out of Tommie's room. I lean down and kiss his head, then follow her out, gently closing the door behind me.

I find her standing by the kitchen cupboard, taking out a glass.

I sigh. "Da…Bella...do-"

She turns the tap on, cutting me off.

"Bella."

She ignores me and I smirk, reaching out and grabbing the glass in her hands and ripping it out of her grip. She glares at me and I arch an eyebrow.

"Don't have a tantrum," I say calmly.

Her eyes narrow. "I'm not a child."

I cross my arms, tilting my head at her. "Yeah? Prove it."

Bella steps into my body and my breath catches in my throat as her warm cheek brushes mine, her voice breathy. "You want me to prove it?"

Christ she's testing my self control lately. "Not what I meant," I murmur, pushing her back from me. "If he gets one win, is that the end of the fucking world?"

"Yes," Bella snaps, her eyes filling with tears.

I study her for a while. "Why do you hate him so much?"

Bella looks at me in suprise and I hold my hands up. "None of my fucking business, but...I want to understand," I admit.

She sighs heavily, pulling herself up to sit on the kitchen counter. "When Charlie took over…" she says in a hollow voice, "Everything changed for us. He was suddenly a much bigger target, and that came with all these rules and restrictions that we'd never had before. My mom she…hated it. The cameras, the bodyguards, having to ask him to go anywhere. He was barely home and she was lonely... This city wasn't home for her, my dad met her in Turkey and brought her over when she got pregnant with me, the big mafia lord promising everything to the turkish tattoo artist with nothing…" Bella laughs humorlessly. "Mom never really liked it here, but she tried her best. She worked at the shop, she'd take me to the farmer's markets and we'd do treasure hunts together…before. After that it wasn't safe and… being trapped here like that, it changed her. She used to be so …" she shakes her head. "It doesn't matter."

"I'd like to hear," I say quietly, moving closer to her and letting my fingers dance up her wrist. Her skin is so warm, so soft.

Bella's eyes light up a little. "She was a real hippy, free spirit type. Incense, a hundred rings and big homemade jewelry she'd find at these little pop up stores, big flowing patterned skirts and dresses. She was beautiful. And she was so, so... full of life," Bella chokes.

I wrestle with myself for a second before I rest my hand on her waist, rubbing my thumb against the bare skin there. Bella relaxes slightly at my touch and sighs softly.

"When I found her…that day…she was long gone. She'd been dead for hours."

I open my mouth to speak and then swiftly close it. Oh Daisy.

"I could have called an ambulance but I knew they wouldn't be able to help her. There wasn't any blood left in her body…it was all over the floor- the water was so red," she frowns. "I- I didn't want to deal with anyone alone," Bella's breath catches in a sob, "...so I called my dad first. But he didn't answer. I tried Emmett, Ginny, Marcus. Cauis." Her beautiful eyes cloud in pain. "I called again, and again. I w-waited," she says brokenly. "I waited for someone to call me back but no one did."

My fingers still against her, "Bella, did you...how long did you…"

She looks up at me, wiping her eyes. "I don't know. I called an ambulance eventually but it was already morning by then. When they finally got to the house to take her, my father showed up. He didn't even...he didn't even look at me. He paid them to keep quiet about what happened to her, and then he told Emmett to stay with me, and he just...left."

My eyes widen and Bella's lower lip trembles. "He just left me. He came back the next day to tell me he was going to stay in the apartment, that Emmett would stay at the house with me. I barely saw any of them, Ginny, Marcus, Cauis, everyone stopped coming by. Most days I was just there alone, with SJ."

"Shit," I mutter.

Bella takes a shuddering breath. "He doesn't love me anymore, not after what happened. He blames me. He thinks it's my fault. Because I...I knew something was wrong, and I left her to go out with my friends. She wanted to talk to me, the day before she...and I didn't let her, I was too busy for her."

I gently squeeze her hip. Charlie is a lot of things, but out of all of them I know without a doubt he loves his daughter.

"Hey," I say softly. "It's not your fault, Bella."

Bella sniffles and I run my knuckles across her bare stomach. She's so fucking warm. "You know that right?" I murmur. I glance up at her and her teeth sink into her lip, her red-rimmed eyes staring into mine.

"I know. It's his fault," Bella says monotonously, looking down. "If she didn't feel like she had no escape, if he didn't trap her…"

"Listen," I tell her, tilting her chin up, "People are complicated. He did a shitty thing. But you don't know 'the why'. You can hate him, beautiful, that's up to you, but remember that nothing's ever black and white."

Bella opens her mouth and then closes it, her eyebrows furrowing. I arch an eyebrow at her, rubbing my thumb into her hip. "Jesus have I actually left you speechless?" I tease, trying to lighten the moment.

Bella gives me a watery smile. "You called me beautiful," she says quietly. "Twice."

"Did I," I murmur, giving in and stepping between her legs, gently encasing her in my arms. She wraps hers tightly around me and I press my chin to her head. God she feels fucking good against me.

"Yeah," Bella mumbles.

"Well you are," I admit into her hair, breathing in her shampoo.

Bella's breath catches and I smile against her cheek.

"Yeah?" she says breathily.

I snigger. "You know you fuckin' are."

She pulls back slightly and meets my eyes, and something lurches in my chest, my fingers stroking across her cheek without my permission. Bella leans into my touch and I swallow as our lips brush. I cup the back of her neck to pull her away, but instead I'm pulling her closer, my mouth moving to her ear. "We can't," I pant.

Her whimper goes through me and I swear my cock twitches in my jeans, my balls aching with how much I fucking want her. Her words from earlier fly through my head and I wonder if she's wet now, and how wet and my body feels like fucking lead at the thought of sliding my hands between her legs and finding out. Her body scoots closer to the edge of the counter, pressing against mine and I gasp quietly, my hands finding the counter either side of her, scared of what they would do if I let them roam free. Her hands slip under the back of my shirt and the heat of her has my eyes rolling back. "Bella," I pant as she presses me closer. A violent shiver goes through me as her warm lips brush my neck, heat spitting down my spine, and I know she can feel how hard I am because I'm nestled right up against her fucking pussy. The heat from between her legs makes my head spin and she smells so good. Too good.

"I want you," she breathes against my neck, "I know we can't but I…"

God fucking damn Daisy.

Bella's lips brush my neck again and I hastily pull back and stumble out of her grip, placing a hand to my head.

"Fuck," I groan. When I open my eyes Bella's teeth are stuck in her bottom lip, her cheeks flushed, but her expression is apologetic.

"I'm sorry," she says gently.

I bark out a laugh. "You're gonna fucking kill me. Literally, your father will have me killed."

"I know."

We stare at each other for a second and there's a tiny goddamn stupid part of me that wants to say fuck it and stride across the room, slant my mouth over hers and taste that sexy fucking tongue, peel off every inch of her clothing until she's panting and naked under me and making all sorts of sexy fucking noises while I devour her pussy and her tits with my tongue and give her my cock until she's screaming my fucking name. It's beginning to sound less and less stupid when the sound of the door opening behind us makes Bella jump and she spins around, her cheeks going completely pink.

I turn to face the door too, sighing in relief for the interruption. "There you are I was…" my words trail off when I lay eyes on Esme, deep bruising forming around her eye and a fresh cut across her cheek.

"What the fuck?" I spit, walking forwards and grabbing her, wrenching her to face me.

"Edward…" Esme's voice trembles.

"Was it him?" I grind out.

"Y-yes," she stammers.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Bella exclaims. "Are you okay Esme?"

"Sit the fuck down and don't get involved," I order her.

"What the fuck?" Bella snaps.

Es tries to get out of my grip but I don't let her. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I punch the wall behind her head, my fist going through the drywall.

"Edward! You'll wake up Tommie," Bella says sharply behind me.

I glance back at her and she's staring at me with narrowed eyes.

"Fuck," I mutter, rubbing my fist. "Esme, tell me right now that this is the first time he's done this to you, because I swear to fucking Christ."

"I swear," Esme cries. "I wouldn't have let him around Tommie, if I knew he was capable of anything like this. I promise Edward, I promise."

Her face is stricken and I squeeze my eyes shut. "You promised me you'd never let him be around that shit."

"I didn't know," Esme sobs.

"Edward," I hear Bella say behind me.

"Don't," I say harshly.

She steps to the side of me and I look down at her with a frustrated sigh. "Bella."

She ignores me, staring at Esme. "Are you okay? Do you need some ice?"

Esme frowns at her and shakes her head. "I'll be fine, thank you."

"She's not upset because she's hurt, Bella," I say softly, wrapping my hand around her arm and lightly pushing her towards the couch. "Stay out of it, please."

Bella searches my eyes and then looks at Esme again before sighing irritatedly. "Okay. I'm gonna go check on Tommie."

I watch her walk out the room and Esme wipes at her eyes, grimacing as she touches the bruises.

"She's a sweet girl."

I snort. "Sometimes."

"You like her."

"Don't be ridiculous," I mutter.

"You do."

I sigh, "Es…what happened?"

Her lower lip trembles. "I told him I was done and he hit me. I hit him back."

"Do I need to go over there?" I ask her, seriously, searching her eyes.

She shakes her head. "He's fine."

I sigh heavily and Esme goes to grab my hand and then retreats, twisting her fingers together. "I promise you Ed, I didn't know he would do that. I wanted to break up with him because he was messing around on me, and he didn't make a big effort with Tommie, not 'cos of this. I'd never let Tommie 'round that, you know I wouldn't."

I nod warily, "Okay. Can you cover it up tomorrow, so the kid doesn't see?"

Esme swallows and nods, "Did you find out if either of us is a match for the transplant?"

"I am," I say quietly. "Appointment is in a few days."

"Okay," Esme murmurs, walking to the fridge and taking out some beers.

"We can't stay," I tell her.

"Just for one?" Es asks me, playing with the bottle.

"You need me to call someone to be here tonight?" I ask her.

"Nah, I'm good, I swear. I just...will you stay for one?"

I sigh. "I'll go get Bella, then."

She's sitting on the floor by Tommie's bed, drawing. I step up to her and smile as I see my brother's sleeping face on the page.

I move past her and bend to kiss Tommie's head, "I love you, little man," I murmur.

Tommie grumbles, twisting in the sheets and when I look at Bella she's crying.

"What's the matter?"

"I just want him to be okay," she hiccups quietly.

God me too.

I grab her hand and pull her to her feet, my mouth brushing her ear. "The hug was a one time deal, so you better stop crying."

Bella lets out a weak laugh and I brush my knuckles against her cheek. She stares up at me and I swallow heavily. So fucking beautiful. "What…what was that about?" she asks me cautiously.

I sigh, letting my hand drop. "It's…complicated. I'm not being a cunt though, I promise, shit is just…"

"Complicated," Bella finishes. "I…I'm sorry I keep using your name by the way, it's-"

"I don't really give a fuck," I interrupt, shrugging. Especially when she practically moans it like she did in the hospital. "But not…in front of anyone else, calm?"

"Yeah."

I nod slowly. "Es wants us to stick around for a beer. That okay? I'll tell your dad it's my fault."

"Blame me," Bella says, monotonously. "That's his favorite pastime anyway."

I hum my disapproval and grab her hand, pulling her out the room.

Bella gives the sketchbook to Es and she bursts into tears, her fingers stroking the page. I tilt my beer up, taking a big gulp, my fingers finding the bare skin at the small of Bella's back. I shouldn't be fucking touching her, but I can't help it. She drifts closer to me, her eyes meeting mine for a second, a small smile playing at her lips. I look away and find Es staring at me with a barely concealed smile, the beer swinging between her finger tips. My fingers drift up Bella's back, over the cotton of her crop top to between her shoulder blades where the Daisy Chain marks her skin.

Bella shifts closer to me again, sighing softly, and I fight a smirk. I fucking love that tattoo.

I finish my beer and so does Bella, and we say bye to Esme, both of us going in to see Tommie again before we leave.

xXx

"We got them," Charlie states. He's staring out at the city, arms crossed, Jimmy, Marcus and Emmett are bent over a table in the corner, a shit ton of gear and weapons strewn across the table. Bella's breath leaves her in a whoosh beside me and I have to resist the temptation to rest my hand against her back as she trembles.

"All of them?" she asks shakily.

Charlie spins, his expression unfazed. "I can't be sure this wasn't a directed act from one of the families, but the trail ended with these guys, and there's no doubt they're the ones who murdered the cook."

"Her name was Pattie," Bella snaps.

Charlie's eyes glance in her direction briefly before he focuses on me. "I've called a ceasefire for the next week in any case, no business will go ahead until after Isabella's birthday. Anyone makes the slightest move and they'll be dead before they so much as take a step. It wasn't a popular decision, to go ahead with the celebrations," his eyes dart to Emmett, "but nonetheless, it's important for both businesses that everything appears normal and functioning. I've spoken to Cinna and we both agreed that Alec should be Bella's date."

"What!" Bella spits beside me. "Why?"

"Because I said so," Charlie's voice booms. "And I don't want to hear a fucking word about it or I'll send my men into your mothers shop and rip it to the fucking ground."

Bella gapes beside me and I can practically feel her anger.

"Will we still have the additional security, boss?" I ask, my arms behind my back.

Charlie nods, "Yes, but, only outside the house, I think if I put Bobbie in for another round with my daughter he might shoot himself in the face," his lip curls and Bella scoffs next to me.

"Suicide humour. Real fucking tasteful," she spits.

Charlie's face turns to stone, his eyes narrowing, but he ignores her. "It's very likely that something will happen either immediately following Isabella's ball, or in the subsequent week, so I want everyone to stay focused. And I will know of her exact whereabouts at all times, is that clear?"

"You got it Boss," I nod.

"Demetri will cover for you tomorrow while you're in the hospital, take more than just two days if you need it," Charlie adds.

"You know me sir, not one to sit around with my dick in my hand, I'll be back the day after as usual," I answer. Charlie lets out a bark of laughter and goes to say something, but is interrupted by his phone buzzing in his hand.

"Excuse me…Swan," he barks into the device, walking down the hallway.

Jimmy chuckles, walking over to us and clapping me on the shoulder. "Masen you are by far my favorite Cagna, and fuck me if you're the longest lasting too. Say, I bet that kind of resilience translates in the bedroom, what do you think Emmett, is he an hour man?"

Emmett snorts. "Fucker probably hits that shit for ten minutes and then comes, prison does that to a man, or so they say," his eyebrows waggle.

"Everyone leaves satisfied, don't worry boys," I smirk.

"Disgusting," Bella mutters, crossing her arms.

"Sorry Cygnet," Marcus cackles. "Not the worst you've heard though is it."

"How can it be, when I've had to hear the sound of your voice," Bella says sweetly, shooting him a glare.

"N'aw, what do you want for your birthday Cygnet, you haven't told us yet!" Jimmy asks, giving her a big smile.

"How about, for my birthday, you never talk to me again? Does that sound good? Amazing, thank you so very much." Bella's face is hard as steel but for the first time I see past it to the deep pain she's trying to hide. My chest pangs. They abandoned her when she desperately needed them, and she'll never forgive them.

Jimmy's face falls. "Bella…"

"Fido, let's go, I'm bored," Bella says snarkily.

Emmett walks over and grabs her shoulder. "Cygnet, can I talk to you about something?"

"Not today, Emmett. I just want to go home," she says firmly.

I follow her to the elevator and when the doors close she sighs heavily and leans against the wall.

"He didn't even remember her name," she says in disbelief.

"I'm not so sure about that, Bella," I tell her truthfully. "If you want my opinion-"

"I don't," she says sharply, shooting me an apologetic look straight after. "Please, just…don't."

I hold my hands up. "Well at least Bobbie will be happy."

Bella's lip twitches. "I'm sure Robert will be pleased, yes."

"Such a little brat," I snort.

"You like it," Bella teases, a real smile breaking out on her face.

And fuck me if she isn't goddamn right.

xXx

I hate being in a gown; being the patient, it's triggering all sorts of shit and I feel claustrophobic and jittery. All I want is a cigarette but Carlisle forbade me from smoking before the procedure so I'm tapping my fingers like crazy against the bed frame instead.

"We're gonna take you up now. You have nothing to worry about, it's a standard procedure, just got to get that marrow for Tommie, that's what you've gotta focus on," Carlisle tells me, resting a hand lightly on my shoulder.

"I know, I'm ready," I tell him, sweating a little. Anesthesia scares the shit out of me, being taken out like that, with no control over anything. Your body just left vulnerable. My breathing obviously picks up because Carlisle squeezes my arm.

"I've got you," he says, looking straight into my eyes. "You trust me?"

"I trust you, doc," I tell him. "It's for Tommie. I'd fucking give him my whole body if I could."

"I know you would, son." Carlisle smiles. "I'll put you out in here okay, reduce the stress as much as I can."

"Appreciate it," I say without my usual playfulness. I just want this over and fucking done with.

"I need you to count back from 10 for me, okay."

I nod, my heart racing in my chest. God damn I wish Daisy was here, but thoughts like that are gonna get me killed. And that won't help Tommie either. "10, 9, 8, 7…"

"Let's go Mase," James says, turning back and laughing at me. "Come on!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I laugh, jogging to catch up with him.

It's almost 2am, and on the surface the city looks quiet, less cars, less people. Of course that's far from the fucking truth. People just don't know where to look, don't know what's happening right in front of them, round the corner from them, in that alley way that looks empty- and this time of the night, the warehouses are the busiest places to be. Except for the one we're going to.

James slings his arms around my shoulders. "This is it, brother. Our ticket out, our ticket to a better hand than the shitty one we got dealt." His excitement is palpable and I grin, gripping his head and pressing our foreheads together.

"Let's fucking do this," I hoot.

Tonight everything changes.

I wake up with a start, my heart racing. "James," I gasp out, searching around. My vision blurs and I swear I see Bella, sitting beside my bed.

"Daisy?" I ask, my vision fading in and out. "Daisy, I'm dreaming."

"No, it's Bella," she murmurs, warm fingers skating over my arm.

"Can't be here…" I mutter. "Can't be here but I wish you were…"

"I'm perfectly safe, no one knows I'm here except Carlisle, you and Tommie. And I promised Tommie I'd be here, so I'm not going anywhere."

"He'll...find...out." I can barely keep my eyes open.

"He won't."

I feel warmth against my cheek, then a gentle pull through my hair. It feels nice and I hum, my eyes closing fully. There's a soft rush of heat against my head, then the brush of lips against my temple.

The next thing I know my mouth is dry as fuck and my body fucking aches. I blink blearily and frown as I realize there's a weight against my leg. I lift my head and widen my eyes when I see Bella sleeping on my thigh, her arms resting on the bed, long hair ruffled up as it cascades over the blanket.

Her pouty lips are parted in sleep, her face kind of smushed against my leg. Christ she's fucking beautiful.

My eyes drift past her and I swallow as I see the open sketchbook next to her. She's drawn me, and it's fucking incredible. The detail, the colors, it's almost like a photograph.

There's a noise just outside the door and Bella flies up, her eyes suddenly meeting mine. Her cheeks go bright pink and she quickly grabs her sketchbook and swallows, biting her lip.

"For Tommie…" she says quickly.

I smile at her. "He'll like it."

My smile suddenly fades and I jerk up. "Wait, Bella, how are you here? What-"

"Relax," she soothes. "I…I did sneak out, but I promise I've been completely safe. Demetri doesn't even know I'm not home and now I'm with you, so I'm safe."

"Bella, how the fuck…" My heart lurches. "How did you get out, the security…"

"I have my ways."

"You'll fucking tell me them, right now." I glare at her.

Bella rolls her eyes. "It's really not that dramatic. Demetri is…well we can talk about that later, and nobody outside the house is expecting anyone to sneak out, only sneak in, so…it was kind of easy."

A wave of tiredness hits me and I groan, falling back into bed as the room spins.

"Are you okay?" Bella asks worriedly.

"Sleepy," I mumble, my vision swimming. "Don't go anywhere…Daisy,"

"Who's Daisy?" she sounds put out.

"The chain," I try to explain, shifting in the bed. "Daisy chain," I mumble.

"Oh," Bella breathes. "I'm Daisy."

"Course you are," I sigh. "My daisy."

My eyes close.

When I wake up again, Bella isn't in the room and I fly up in a panic before she walks out the bathroom door. Her eyes widen when she sees me.

"What's wrong?"

I shake my head, trying to calm myself down. "You were gone."

Awareness flitters across her face. "Nobody knows I'm here. I snuck in, hence the uh, weird outfit." My eyes flick down her body and I snort. She's in what looks like male basketball shorts, a pair of gladiator sandals with long multicoloured socks and something that can only be described as a cape.

"The fuck?" I crack up.

Bella grins, "Leave me alone. I raided the halloween section of my wardrobe. I figured, no one would ever think it was me if i dressed like this. And I think it worked because Carlisle tried to take me to psych before he realized it was me."

I throw my head back laughing and Bella giggles, sitting on the bed next to me. She shouldn't be here but I can't fucking bring myself to be mad about it. What's done is done.

Bella's lips curve up. "So…Daisy, huh?"

I frown at her before understanding dawns and I groan. "Shit. Sorry Bella, it's just a nickname, your tattoo-"

"I like it," Bella says shyly.

I tilt my head. "Yeah?"

Bella bites her bottom lip and then nods. "It was my mom's favorite flower," she says softly. "When she died-" she swallows. "I asked Phil to put it on me."

She looks up, and her beautiful eyes are so wide and vulnerable, I feel something in my chest lurch. "That's sweet," I murmur, lifting my hand and running my knuckles over her warm cheek.

Bella's cheeks flush, heating up under my touch and my skin prickles in response, something jolting down my spine. I'm obviously still fucking out of it from the medication because I find myself curling my hand around the back of her neck and guiding her head to mine, placing a kiss on her cheek. She freezes, her breath catching and I feel my dick stir when she returns the favor, kissing my jaw lightly. I've never wanted anyone so much in my fucking life. Bella pulls back and smiles softly at me.

I swallow. "This was…really fucking stupid of you, you know that right. If anyone found out…your dad could think something was going on between us."

She reaches out to touch my face and then hesitates, dropping her hand. "I know. I'm sorry. I just had to be here. I told Carlisle it was a secret. He's the only one who's come in the room and he told everyone that I'm your cousin. If it helps, I was wearing a hat?"

She reaches on the floor and brandishes a pirate hat, her teeth sinking into her lip.

We stare at each other for a second before I burst out laughing. "God damn, Daisy, who knew you were such a little freak."

"They're part of halloween costumes, I don't normally wear these things," she defends, pouting.

I shake my head, my tone becoming serious. "How's Tommie?"

Bella gently rests her hand on mine, "I haven't been in with him, it was too risky to move around, but Esme is with him and Carlisle keeps checking in. He said it's like a transfusion for him, so it won't hurt. He's gotta stay here for a few weeks though, did you know?"

I nod, running a hand down my face. "Yeah, he's…I knew this was coming anyway. We were lucky it's taken this long for him to be admitted, Carlisle kept him out as long as he could."

Bella's eyes well up. "I'm so sorry."

"Yeah," I sigh. "Shit fucking sucks." Her hand is still on mine and I decide to give in to my urges and tangle our fingers together. Fuck it, if she gets caught in this room I'm basically dead anyway.

Her cheeks flush and we stare at each other in a way that makes me feel a little dizzy. Bella bites her lip. "I feel…"

"Don't," I plead.

She squeezes my hand. "Earlier when you woke up, you called out for someone. James. Who…who is he?"

My heart clenches in my chest. "He was my best friend," I manage to say. "My brother, in every way but blood."

"He's…gone?" Bella asks gently.

"Yeah," I state gruffly.

And it's my fucking fault.

A/N

Well there wasn't a year between updates this time…;) Ugh I have to apologise for the way I keep ghosting you guys and then coming back with bold promises of another update soon - the reality is, it'll come when it comes. But my intentions, are always golden - and I adore this story and would very much like to finish it, and publish it. I actually think this Edward is the best character I've ever written (if i do say so myself). I project maybe 6 more chapters till the end (ish) but it could extend. And you'll be pleased to know things do get spicier, the unresolved tension makes it so much hotter, don't you think?

As I do intend to publish this bad boy eventually - please please give me your thoughts, ideas, what do you like, what do you hate, what can I do better - I promise not to cry (much).

Reviews are love, and I very much require it, blame the daddy issues or some form of existential crisis (they're a daily occurrence)

Love always,

Ella xo

P.S I obviously will not pull to publish until it is finished and even then I'm happy for you to have a copy of this version - which will be found in my FB group. If you're not in it, then I don't know what you're doing. It's the place to be…(really).