Hey guys, I hope you're doing well! Thank you for your patience with the delay in getting this chapter up, as I got busy with apartment applications (found a place I really like!) and work. This chapter is a bit of a longer one and there are some fairly explicit mentions of mental health (including self-harm and suicide, but not as graphic as the self-harm chapter) and substance use, which may be upsetting for some readers.
Gonna reply to reviews on the previous chapter, thanks so much for the love and to everyone who reviewed!
Melissa: Thank you so much for your kind words ^-^ I'm touched that you've been enjoying my stories and honoured that you think it sounds like Ally Carter wrote it. Thanks for your feedback about the text conversation being a bit casual with the abbreviations, especially since they aren't really used anymore (I know I pretty much text in full sentences and proper grammar lol) but I added them to make it clear Ann and the unknown number were texting. The gala scene and the 'you're not married yet' scene are both coming up very soon so stay tuned ;)
Disclaimer: I do not own the Embassy Row series and all the characters (except for Tanner and Jordan and Alexei's Moscow friends, who are my own creations). They belong to Ally Carter. I am merely using her characters and plotline to create this fanfiction. I have no intention of profiting off the Embassy Row series in any way. This fanfiction is purely for entertainment purposes and would not exist without Ally Carter's wonderful works.
The events that happen in this fanfiction are not meant to be representative of real life. Any similarities to any real-life events or fictional works is purely coincidental and not intentional (with the exception of the original Embassy Row books by Ally Carter since this fanfiction is literally Take the Key and Lock Her Up but from Alexei's, not Grace's, perspective). The character's actions may not always reflect my own opinions or views. Based on what is mentioned in this chapter (spoiler alert), I do not condone illicit technical activity or underage substance use.
Content warning: moderate
This fanfiction is rated M, for explicit and suggestive themes (such as mental health and abuse), language, and violence. This chapter contains mild to moderate language and explicit mentions of mental health (including self-harm and suicide) and substance use (including underage drinking). Please read at your own discretion.
Chapter Twenty-Eight: A Man's Secrets
"One more rep… smashed it!" Tanner exclaimed, as I finished my final rep on the bench press. Tanner and Jordan were over for an early morning workout, making good use of the well-furnished home gym. Jordan was blasting his ultimate workout playlist on the speakers, a good mix of hard rap, rock, and EDM with sick beats.
I let out a contented breath as I stretched my arms out. It had been a while since I'd had a proper workout and I was already starting to feel the burn. I had seriously missed these group workouts with Tanner and Jordan and being back in the gym with them felt just like old times. I had been able to forget about all my problems and focus on getting in a good workout.
"Damn, bro, you still got it after all this time," Tanner remarked, looking impressed.
"Why wouldn't I?" I smirked as I sat up.
"That's cause he's jacked as hell," Jordan called out over the loud rap song playing, from where he was busy with the leg press. I flexed my arms for show, checking out my biceps in the mirror.
"You're jacked all right." Tanner let out a low whistle as he looked at me in the mirror. I mentally thanked Dominic and his intense fitness regimen for keeping me fit and pushing me to a whole other level of physical endurance during the six weeks we had spent at the army base, especially since I slacked on the workouts while the squad was running around Europe. Since getting to the townhouse, I had slowly eased back into the workouts but hadn't done anything this intense since the army base. And quite frankly, it was exactly what I needed, both physically and mentally.
The doorbell rang, startling the three of us.
"I'll get it." I made my way towards the front door, opening it only to find Prince Thomas.
"Good morning, your Highness, what can I do for you?" I asked, opening the door wider to let him in.
"Um, this is for you," the prince said awkwardly, handing me a small envelope.
"Thank you." I curiously looked down at it. I turned it over, noticing the official insignia of the Adrian royal palace in the top right corner and my name scrawled in the middle of the envelope.
"Bro, is that what I think it is?" I turned to find Tanner standing behind me, staring wide-eyed at the envelope. I looked past him to find Jordan lingering in the doorway to the gym.
"Well, go on," Prince Thomas said, looking at me expectantly. I broke the seal on the envelope, pulling out a small white notecard.
You are cordially invited to the Commemoration of the Fiftieth Year of the King of Adria, featuring the official welcoming of Ms. Grace Blakely, goddaughter to the Adrian crown princess, starting at 18:00. The palace's address, today's date, and the dress code, white tie, were listed underneath.
"Is this an invitation to the gala?" I breathed, reading the card over and over in bewilderment.
A small smile crept onto the prince's lips. "I told you I'd do what I could. I hope this is enough."
"This is perfect. Thank you for the invitation," I said earnestly.
"So you going the gala or what?" Tanner looked at me expectantly.
"Well, I suppose this makes it official, no?" I looked between the three of them.
The prince nodded. "I'd be honoured to have your presence tonight, at my personal request."
"In that case, I'd be honoured to attend," I replied, keeping up the formality.
The prince smiled at me. "We'll see you at six tonight."
After Prince Thomas left, Tanner, Jordan, and I finished our workout. Just as we finished wiping everything down, gentle knocking on the front door echoed throughout the house. I answered it, finding Megan at the door. But before we could greet each other, another voice sounded behind me.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" Sure enough, Tanner was behind me, looking at Megan.
"I could ask you the same thing," Megan countered. She was already dressed in her school uniform, backpack in hand.
"Early morning workout." Jordan joined Tanner and I at the door. "You?"
Megan looked at us conspicuously. "Checking in on Karina." At the mention of my mother, the mood dampened.
"How's she been?" Megan edged closer to the doorway.
I opened the door wider to let her in. "You tell me."
We all walked into the kitchen, where Karina was sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal.
"Good morning, Karina!" Megan said warmly.
Karina looked up at Megan and smiled. "Good morning! Have we met?"
"Yes, I'm Megan. I've been here on and off over the last few days."
A look of recognition popped into Karina's eyes. "Yes, I remember you." She ate another spoonful of cereal.
Megan regarded the bowl with interest. "Did you put that together yourself?" Karina nodded proudly.
"That's good. It looks tasty," Megan said, causing Karina to smile again.
"Huh, prepping her own meals, that's an improvement," Tanner commented.
"I agree. And she remembered me," Megan said. "She's definitely getting better." She then looked at me. "Can we talk somewhere private? It won't take long." I led us back to the front foyer, out of sight of the kitchen. Tanner and Jordan went back to the gym to gather their belongings, leaving Megan and I alone.
"What's up?" I asked.
Megan looked around nervously before speaking in a hushed voice. "I looked through all the drives. The princess is absolutely mental. And I have no idea who is behind the unknown number. All my attempts to trace it have come up empty-handed." The concern was etched all over her face. This wasn't looking good.
"The gala is tonight and I have a bad feeling about it," Megan continued. "Especially for Grace's safety. It's too bad you're not going." I couldn't stop the smirk that crept onto my face as I pulled the gala invitation out of my pocket.
"Is that…?" Megan's voice faded out in awe as she grabbed the invitation, turning it over.
"Yup, an invitation to the gala."
"Hand-delivered by none other than Prince T earlier this morning." Tanner came up beside me, clapping my shoulder. Megan looked at us, her eyes sparkling.
"That's amazing, Alexei," she said empathically. "I feel a lot better knowing you'll be there tonight."
"So any more ideas on how we're going to keep tabs on Alexei's girl?" Jordan asked, hoisting his gym bag up higher on his shoulder.
Megan shook her head sadly. "Not really. But at least there'll be an extra set of eyes now." An uncomfortable silence fell between us as the gravity of the situation sunk in.
"Well, I suppose we'll just see how things go tonight," I finally said, as we looked at each other uncertainly. Just then, I heard the front door unlocking. Dominic walked in, a few bags in hand. He nodded at us before heading towards the kitchen.
"Well, I guess that's our cue to leave. We'll see you tonight, bro," Tanner said, giving me a guy hug. Jordan did the same before they headed out. Megan lingered for a moment longer. I couldn't stop myself from embracing her, giving her the comfort she so clearly needed. She sank into me, letting out a frustrated sigh.
"It'll be okay," I whispered.
Megan looked up at me, breaking out of my arms. "I hope so." With that, she walked out the door, but not before giving me one last glance. I nodded at her before locking the door. I walked into the kitchen, where Dominic was unloading the bags, which turned out to be full of groceries.
"You didn't have to," I said. I had picked up a few things yesterday morning. Karina and I were good for the next few days.
"Don't worry about it." Dominic waved me off as he placed the last of the items in the fridge. Once finished, he briefly glanced at Karina, who was still eating her breakfast.
"Hello there!" Karina smiled brightly at Dominic. The slightest look of surprise passed through his eyes before he composed himself again.
"Hello," Dominic said politely.
"Who are you?" Karina asked, taking in Dominic with interest.
"My name is Dominic Novak."
"Dominic." Karina tested the name out.
A small smile ghosted Dominic's lips. "Are you enjoying your breakfast?" Karina nodded, eating another spoonful of cereal.
"That's good." He looked over at me. "Now, if you'll excuse us, we have some things to discuss." What things? I looked at Dominic, hoping to get some answers, but he said nothing as he walked towards the lounge, beckoning me to follow him.
"She looks much better," Dominic said, sitting down on the couch. I nodded as I sat down opposite him. I had been surprised by the change in Karina's countenance. She seemed much more alert today than the past few days. Perhaps the effects of the drugs were finally starting to wear off.
"I didn't think she would recover so fast," I said.
Dominic nodded in agreement. "It looks like a sign that things will move in the right direction. I was skeptical when Eleanor told me about her but she seems to be doing well."
"She still has her moments," I said, recalling all the times she'd become too overwhelmed, breaking out into the nursery rhyme or becoming lost in the past.
"As I'm sure. I've got her scheduled to see a psychiatrist next week. Although she looks fine now, I want to ensure there's no lasting effects from her time away or her previous diagnoses."
"What do you mean?" I looked at Dominic in shock. Since when did my mother have a psychiatric diagnosis?
"Did anyone tell you?" I shook my head. Dominic swore. "It was kept pretty quiet but your mother was ill for a long time, even before she disappeared."
"What was wrong with her?"
"It started out with unpredictable mood swings. Then she kept seeing and hearing things that weren't present to anyone else. Eventually, that led to her thinking someone was out to get her and that the Society was hiding something from its members, even though nothing was seemingly going on at the time.
"She was forced to see a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with a psychotic disorder. Started on medications with regular follow-up. For a while, she did well. But then she worsened. Shortly after, she disappeared. It was always thought to be her own doing but looking back, I suspect there were underground plans. Dissent was building in the Society. Their secrets were threatening exposure. Its stability was rocky at best." I thought back to the letter Karina had written me, buried somewhere inside my old room in the Russian embassy. Its contents made more sense after seeing her in this broken, traumatized state. Had she always had a psychotic disorder? Or was it a product of the Society and all its secrets, of all the trauma she suffered at their hands? After everything I knew about the Society now, it wouldn't have surprised me if its activity led to her deterioration.
"I can't imagine things are any better now." Dominic shook his head, giving me a meaningful look.
"A storm is brewing within its ranks." And that was all due to a certain someone who decided to go tearing through the Society, ripping it to shreds until everything was exposed. How much longer would it be until they finally broke?
"How is Jamie doing?" I asked.
"James is recovering well. You have no reason to be concerned about him. He is in good hands, with people I trust." I nodded. If only I had stayed in Mexico, to be by Jamie's side as he recovered.
"He understands you had to come back to Europe," Dominic said, as if he had read my unspoken thoughts, before giving me an earnest look. "He actually wanted to go to Europe with you, to run alongside you in search for his sister. Just two friends taking on the world together." I smiled at the thought. Maybe one day, we'd be able to have that European adventure. But not now, when things were so dire between us.
Dominic nudged me before speaking again. "He's been worried about you and Grace, you know." It didn't surprise me that Jamie would be worried about Grace. He was so protective of her. But me? That was a different story. Sure, we had been friends for years and had now made our peace. But there had been a time not too long ago when Jamie thought differently of me and wanted me dead. That hadn't been so easy to forget, despite our long history.
"I heard from my contact in Paris that things went well for you," Dominic stated.
"For the most part." I mean, I had been able to find Grace and rescue her but not without creating a massive scene.
"Would you care to enlighten me?" Dominic smirked. I gave him a brief account of everything that had happened in Paris, starting with the run-in with Ms. Chancellor while I was in disguise, to the fight, and lastly, the reunion with the squad and our adventures in Dubrovnia.
"That was something all right," Dominic said, a rare laugh escaping me. "I remember Ms. Chancellor texting me about her run-in with you and how she couldn't quite place you. Imagine our surprise when she got called in the middle of the night to rescue all of you from the barn. Even more so when she showed up and Karina was there."
"Hey, that was all Grace's idea," I argued, holding my hands up in defence.
"It's always been go big or go home with the Blakely women," Dominic mused, a wistful look in his eyes.
A peaceful quiet fell between us, neither of us moving or talking.
"What are you doing here?" I finally asked.
"I thought I'd get some groceries and check on you and Karina," Dominic stated, looking right at me, almost daring me to argue with him.
"I meant here, in Adria." Dominic's face changed, his expression unreadable.
"I was called to attend to some business," Dominic replied vaguely.
"You couldn't stay away for long, could you?" I couldn't help the smirk that crept onto my face as I looked at Dominic.
"I could say the same to you." Dominic returned my gaze levelly.
"Well, you know why I had to come back. I don't suppose we've come back for the same reason." Dominic's face was indecipherable as he stared into the distance, lost in his thoughts.
"The current situation has gotten more complicated, requiring my physical presence." He wasn't giving any specifics; yet, we both knew what he was talking about.
"How has that been going?" I asked tentatively, not sure if I wanted to know.
Dominic shrugged. "It's going about as well as it can. As of late, things are tenuous at best in the palace. Much is being kept under wraps. I believe Grace is coordinating something with the Adrian king but I am unclear of the details. Nonetheless, I have been assigned as her personal security detail." Why could Grace possibly be colluding with the King of Adria, of all people? Especially when the very people who were out to get her were living under the same roof? Nothing made sense right now. I felt slightly better, knowing Dominic was looking out for Grace. But if things really got bad, even Dominic wouldn't be able to save her.
"But is Grace going to be okay?" Dominic looked away from me, not meeting my eyes.
"The only thing she can do is play her part until everything is fixed."
"For how long?" I knew what that entailed. Living at the palace, becoming a princess, marrying Prince Thomas, and having royal babies. But how long were we going to keep up that charade, pretending everything was fine when it very much wasn't? How much longer could we play that game, until Adrian society collapsed around us, under the pressure of all those lies and secrets?
Dominic gazed into the distance. "For as long as is required." A silence fell between Dominic and I. He looked over at the desk, where I had casually tossed the gala invitation from Prince Thomas. Dominic walked to the desk, picking up the envelope, turning it around in his hands. He looked at me, raising an eyebrow.
"I see you've been invited to the gala." It was a statement, not a question.
I glanced at him half-heartedly. "That was personally delivered to me this morning."
"It is to be a large affair. It's been a while since a new member was introduced into the royal family, even if only casually." As it stood, tonight's gala was just the start of Grace's foray into life at the palace. It wouldn't be long before she lived up to her birthright, as the rightful princess of Adria.
"Are you going?" Dominic asked. I shrugged. I had been surprised when I received the invitation, accepting it as a formality, but now, the initial high had worn off. I was starting to realize going to the gala could be a very bad idea, especially since the crux of it involved parading my ex-girlfriend and her future husband to the entirety of Adria, and essentially the world. I didn't exactly want reminders of my breakup with Grace and her new, bright future shoved in my face.
"You know, I'm sure Grace would want you there." I looked at Dominic, surprised to hear those words from his mouth.
"How can you be so sure?"
He simply gazed at me intently. "Do you think the prince is the kind of person she'd end up with?" It was a rhetorical question and we both knew it. "I observed the two of you for seven weeks. You and Grace Olivia share a deep connection, something that can't be easily broken."
"Well, Grace sure seemed to give up on us," I muttered, still feeling the pain from the fresh wounds of our breakup.
"But are you going to give up on her that easily?" I glanced down at the floor. I supposed I was doing just that.
"Did you forget the promise you made to me, about Grace Olivia? The night James had gone into emergency surgery after The Night of a Thousand Amelias?" How could I forget? That had been one hell of a day from start to finish.
"Don't tell me you're giving up on her now, not after everything you've gone through." Dominic looked right at me, his gaze boring into the very depths of my soul.
"What else could I possibly do for Grace?" I followed her to America and back to Europe. I stayed by her side through all her crazy plans and comforted her through her panic attacks. I let her go when it became clear things weren't meant to be between us. At this point, I didn't see much reason in fighting for her.
"You keep a piece of her in your heart, even when things are dead and gone." I looked at Dominic, surprised by his sudden show of emotion. Yet, he continued unwaveringly.
"Caroline was the only woman I ever loved. I knew deep down, she would always be the one for me. We spent our youth together in Adria. She had gotten accepted to an American university during her senior year of high school. Right before she left, I proposed to her, hoping to spend the rest of my life with her." Tears shone in Dominic's eyes.
"She turned me down, saying we were both young and had our entire lives ahead of us. She didn't want me to feel like I had to be tied to her. I was distraught. I didn't know what else I possibly could have done, except for ending my life. When she went to the States for university, I followed her there. I was American by birth so it was easy enough for me to join the US military. The strict training and regimens gave me something else to focus on and I found myself enjoying it.
"Years later, I was posted in Adria, working in government and palace security. One day, I bumped into Caroline, who happened to be in town visiting her father. I was ecstatic to see her. Except I quickly noticed the large diamond engagement ring and gold wedding band on her finger and her baby bump. She had been pregnant with James at the time. Ironically enough, she had fallen in love with and married another military man. I was devastated. But the only thing I ever wanted for Caroline was for her to be happy, even if that meant living a life without me. So I let her go. Yet, from that moment on, her and I remained connected. After James was born, she sent me photos, asking if I could be his godfather. She did the same with Grace. Whenever Caroline was in Adria, she always made a point of grabbing coffee with me, to tell me how James and Grace were doing.
"My point is, if Grace is truly the one for you, don't stop fighting for her. Don't let her go. Act while you still can, before it's too late. I waited too long and lost my chance." I couldn't imagine how awful it was, watching the love of his life grow up and have a live without him, while he remained stuck in the past forever. I didn't want to remain an eternal bachelor, grieving a lost love, like him or Mikhail. Living with this emotional pain and broken-heartedness for a few days was already torture enough; living with it for the rest of my life would be absolute hell on earth. Although Dominic and Mikhail eventually found happiness again, there was always that sad note to them, that forlorn look in their eyes. Did I really want to live the rest of my life like that? Mourning a girl I would never get back?
"You're getting worked up over this, aren't you?" Dominic asked, looking me right in the eye.
I nodded. "I spend hours thinking about her and what we had and what we could have been." Although I tried my best to distract myself, there was only so much I could do before I became trapped in my own head.
"I know the feeling. It doesn't get any easier over time but you learn to deal with it better." That didn't sound very optimistic.
"It's never easy when the love of your life leaves you," Dominic continued. "My mental health deteriorated. I was depressed, drinking all the time. I even thought about suicide." It made me think of Mikhail and how he smoked to cope with the pain of losing Natalia. Personally, I hadn't thought much about self-harm or substance use before. But then again, I hadn't turned down the alcohol when Tanner offered it to me. And I had cut myself after learning about my mother. Was I doomed to a life of self-destruction, like Dominic and Mikhail, of finding dangerous ways to cope? Or did I still have a chance to save myself?
"What's that?" Dominic looked down at my arm. I was still in my workout gear, a t-shirt and shorts, and hadn't realized the cut was visible. But there it was, a stark and unwelcome reminder of how things had become too much and of the night I almost tried to end my life. Case in point, maybe I was already starting to turn into Dominic and Mikhail.
"Oh, um…" I started, my voice fading as I looked at my arm.
"Have things been rough for you lately?" Dominic asked quietly, an unfamiliar soft tone to his voice.
I nodded, feeling myself breaking under his gaze. "It happened the day I discovered my mother was still alive. It was too much. I couldn't take it anymore. I lost control of myself."
"I know the feeling." Given the empathetic look in his eyes, it was clearly something he was all too familiar with.
"Do you think it'll heal nicely?"
"It might. Though given the size of that cut and the way it looks now, I won't be surprised if it turns into a scar." I looked down at the cut. Although it was starting to scab over nicely, it was disheartening to know it was something I'd potentially have to live with for the rest of my life. I cursed myself for being so stupid and impulsive, for making rash decisions with permanent consequences. If only I had thought this through better. If only I had better control of my emotions.
The corner of Dominic's mouth quirked up. "Though I suppose we match now." I peered at him, momentarily confused. Then I understood. Just like him, I now bore a physical reminder of the trauma I had gone through.
"How you'd get it sutured?" Dominic looked at my arm curiously.
I hesitated. "It's… a long story." Dominic just raised his eyebrows.
"Megan. She stitched it up for me when we were at a safe house of hers before breaking Karina out of Binevale." For a second, Dominic's eyebrows shot way up. Then his usual composed mask slipped back into place.
"Well, regardless of how it was sutured, it looks well done." Dominic grabbed my arm, closely inspecting the stitches. "And it's time to remove them. Would you like me to take them out for you?"
"Sure." Better to have Dominic do it than for Megan have another go at it. Having her stitch me up was more than risky enough already.
Dominic led me to the bathroom, locking the door behind us. He washed his hands then grabbed a pair of medical scissors and an alcohol swab. He donned a pair of latex gloves before wiping down the cut. Then, he methodically removed the sutures one at a time.
"There, that should be good." Dominic turned on the tap, sticking my arm under it. "Give it a wash for a few seconds." I did as he said, while he cleaned up the bathroom. Once I finished, Dominic took a closer look at it.
"It doesn't look infected but I'd still keep an eye on it if I were you. If it starts getting red, swollen, sore, or purulent, then go to the emergency room."
"I will." I nodded, committing Dominic's medical advice to mind.
"If you ever need a hand with anything or someone to talk to, let me know, okay?"
"I will. Thank you for everything." Over the last several weeks, I had really gotten to enjoy Dominic's companionship, especially after learning so much from him.
Dominic nodded at me, a knowing look in his eyes. "No worries. See you tonight."
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Next chapter will be up between May 13 and May 22 (I have some time off now so hoping to have more time to write and edit and get the next chapter out a bit sooner).
I'm not sure if I was potentially veering off canon by making Karina have mental health struggles or if her behaviour would be a product of all the trauma she went through with the Society. But I enjoyed getting to think through her case and trying to figure out if a psychiatric diagnosis would fit her.
This chapter was a bit filler-y but I'm sure you can all guess which chapter is coming next ;)