A/N: So, here's a story I was going to write for one of Jackie's challenges—the one with "So I can kiss you anytime I want?" I'd actually started it before she threw that one out there, but this story lent itself to that. I'm kinda meh about it, but after a few rewrites, it's done! Regarding the Zima mentioned for those of you who don't remember it or haven't heard about it...it was this clear kinda carbonated alcoholic beverage that I think is the equivalent of today's White Claw.

Soundtracks

Track 5: Call it Love Poco

Call it What You Want

Mac hasn't spoken to me in exactly five days, sixteen hours, seventeen minutes, and…seventeen seconds. Okay, to be fair, for five days, fourteen hours, thirty-two minutes and…oh who gives a shit…some number of seconds, I've been in Washington state with Bud on an investigation. The admiral told me he was sending Bud with me instead of Mac because he wanted the lieutenant to start getting back in the field. Having lost his leg, Bud will have limited travel overseas and he certainly won't serve on a ship again, so why not send him to lovely Whidbey Island?

Why not, indeed…

Alright, so, yeah, it's probably good for Bud to get out, sure…but Mac is mypartner. And she's mybest friend…

Well, she was my best friend…until I kissed her.

That's right…I kissed her…right in the Roberts' backyard in the middle of a barbecue. It was wonderful, beautiful, better than that time on the admiral's porch, and Bud and I were leaving for Washington, so I had to say goodbye somehow. It was the proper thing to do, right?

So what if it was in front of the entire JAG crew.

So what if I decided to make the moment even more special (awkward) when I topped it off with an enthusiastic "Love you!" and cheerily walked away.

Well, I tried to, anyway. The "what the hell just happened" look on Bud's face and the sudden ceasing of all conversation behind me stopped me in my tracks.

I'm a little embarrassed about what happened next. Yeah, I'm a pilot. I laugh in the face of danger…I have a need for speed and all that…but at that moment in the Roberts' backyard, twenty-two eyeballs boring into my back…all I could do was look over my shoulder to toss off a slightly hysterical wave and a "Goodbye, all!" before I grabbed Bud's arm and hustled us out of there, leaving Mac to deal with the fallout.

I think maybe…just maybe…Mac might be pissed at me…because she hasn't spoken to me in five days, sixteen hours, minutes, seconds…fuck, I don't know anymore. I mean…it is possible she hasn't spoken to me because I haven't spoken to her…it just doesn't feel right to call her to discuss this over the phone rather than face her in person. I have been toying with the idea, however, of not talking about it at all, because I'm sure Admiral Chegwidden has already gotten me a ticket to the Aleutians. Bud agrees…and he is considering coming with me. Harriet hasn't stopped calling him to find out what the hell happened at their picnic table. They were both there, of course, but neither really understands what went down. Kinda like me…I don't understand either. I don't understand what possessed me to just casually lean over and kiss her like we'd been doing it for years.

Bud did, of course, try to ask me what happened while we were making our way to our rooms in the VOQ, and I mumbled something, turned red, I don't know, maybe I blacked out, I don't really remember, but I do remember the sound of Bud's laughter after he closed the door to his room. I really should charge him with disrespecting a senior officer…he's gotten entirely too big for his britches since he passed the bar.

Actually, when I think about it, this is all Bud's fault. If he hadn't leaned over and kissed Harriet goodbye like she was his wife…okay, she is his wife, but…the way he stood up and leaned down for the kiss—it all looked so normal. The way he said, "Love you!" was so easy, how could I not follow suit? Mac is my best friend, after all, just like Harriet is Bud's, so why wouldn't I lean over and kiss Mac? It wouldn't have been proper to kiss Harriet, so what was I to do? Kiss Singer? Kiss no one?

Yeah, you idiot. The proper thing would have been to get up, tell everyone goodbye, and then keep your lips to yourself! Just because Mac and I have been spending nearly all our free time together, running in the park, eating out, eating in, sitting side by side on her couch, watching movies, talking, falling asleep together…well, now, none of that gives me permission to just kiss Mac like she's mine.

She must have been horrified. Embarrassed. I can only imagine what happened to her after I left. All the questions they must have asked her…like what was her tongue doing in my mouth?

A groan escapes me before I can stop it. I need to stop thinking about that tongue…those lips…so soft as they moved over mine…

Oh, fuck me…actually, that's not a bad idea…I wouldn't mind if Mac and I…

"Sir? Are you alright? You look flushed."

"What? No…I'm fine…thanks for asking, Bud." I flash him a grin, my face even more flaming hot now. Bud, sitting next to me on this plane back to DC, gives me an odd look. He's looked at me like that a lot during this trip, and frankly, I don't like it. I really should talk to him about it.

"You should talk to her, sir."

I jump at the sound of his voice, despite the fact that I'm looking right at him. "Who, Bud?" I ask innocently…at least I'm trying to look innocent. Bud's trying to look like he doesn't think I'm insane.

He is not successful. In fact, now he's rolling his eyes. "Colonel MacKenzie, sir," he says with exaggerated patience.

"Why would I call her?"

"Sir…"

"What?"

"Just call her, for god's sake." Bud sounds a bit disgusted. Humph…yup, too big for his britches, that one.

Later, as we head out of the airport to the line of waiting taxis, Bud turns to me once again.

"What, Bud?" I ask irritably. I usually sleep on the plane, but for some reason I couldn't this time.

"Harm…I'm going to give you some advice," he starts.

"Bud—"

"Just listen," he commands, and he says it so confidently and forcefully that I damn near stop and stand at attention.

"Okay, Bud…what advice could you possibly have for me?" I try to sound suitably superior, but I think I've failed, because now Bud is talking to me like he does to little AJ when the boy is being especially obstinate.

"Now Harm…you know Harriet and I consider you and Mac to be our closest friends…"

"Yes…"

"And we care for you both deeply."

"Uh-huh."

"Over the years, we've watched you with oth— "

"Bud, where's this going?"

"Don't interrupt me, AJ, er, Harm."

Great. Now he's confusing me with his kid. Who's the superior officer here?!

"As I was saying," Bud continues smoothly, "we've both seen you with other people, and we've watched those relationships crash and burn— "

"Hey!"

Bud gives me a stern look.

"As I was saying," he repeats. "We've watched those relationships crash and burn spectacularly, and it's all because of one thing."

"Yeah, what's that?" I ask warily.

"I think you know, Harm." He gazes at me meaningfully.

"Clearly, I don't."

"You do," he says in a smug, knowing tone.

"I do not!" I say, and even to my ears, I sound whiny and defensive. Bud just looks exasperated. "What, you think I'm in love with Mac? You think I kissed her because I wanted to? It just happened, Bud. It didn't mean anything. It didn't mean that I love her. It didn't mean I think about her all the time. A kiss doesn't mean I— "

"You told her you loved her."

"I did not! I just told her 'Love you.' That's just what you tell friends when you say goodbye."

"Really, Harm? When's the last time you said that to me?"

"That's different."

"How?"

"Well…well…Sarah and I…"

"Sarah?" Bud says, annoyingly amused, and suddenly I'm worried I've lost control of this conversation. Time to nip that in the, uh…bud.

"Lieutenant, tread lightly," I say, the warning clear in my voice. "I'll charge— "

"No, you won't. We're not in uniform and besides, you know I'm right."

"Do I?" I ask sullenly. Of course, he's right, but jeez…

Bud claps me on the shoulder and walks past me to the lead cab in the line. Before he gets in, though, there's something I have to ask. "Hey, Bud!"

"Yeah?"

"Did Harriet happen to mention what Mac said after we left?"

"She didn't say anything, Harm."

What?

"She just got up and left."

Shit.

"Did she look mad?"

"No."

"Oh, good."

"She looked furious."

Fuck.

An hour later, I'm standing outside Mac's apartment, a rather sad looking bouquet of flowers in my hand. They were all I could find at this hour, and I certainly wasn't going to show up empty handed. I'm not exactly sure what I plan to do or say, but I'm hoping the flowers sweeten her a bit.

Taking a deep breath, I knock on the door. I knock firmly, but not aggressively. I don't want to seem too eager.

A few seconds later, and she still hasn't answered the door. This time I knock a bit harder, but still not overly aggressively, and I'm rather pleased with myself.

Alright, I've been here for ten minutes and have knocked non-aggressively multiple times. Clearly, she's avoiding me. I consider using my emergency key, but then I decide to try one more time. Balling my hand in a fist, I'm soon pounding on the door and shouting, "Mac! I know you're in there. Open the door! You can't stay in there forever. Dammit, Mac!" I'm now aggressively beating on her door. I'm about to kick it when Mac's next door neighbor pops his head out. He looks rather mad.

"She's not there, you idiot! Go away before I call the cops!" The gentleman, I think his name is Doug, pulls his head back into his apartment and slams the door behind him. Just to let him know I'm not intimidated, I pound on the door three more times before I hightail it out of there and head to my car.

But where is my car?! I start having flashbacks to the time my 'vette was stolen and I rip out my cellphone to call the cops. I feel like I'm forgetting something, though…

You took a cab here, you moron. Ah, that's what I forgot. Instead of calling 9-1-1, I call for another cab, and before I know it, I'm at my building.

It's a sad Harmon Rabb, Jr who unlocks the door to my loft. I don't bother to flip on the light; I just drop my pack and head for the refrigerator. I need a beer.

I have no beer.

I do, however, have a Zima, a leftover from my relationship with Rene. I pull it from the back of the fridge, wondering if the amount of alcohol in it is worth the hit to my masculinity. I decide that yes, it is, so I crack it open. I take a long swallow as I walk toward my couch, also wondering how much I can drink before I become sterile. Figuring that I can down at least three quarters of it, I grimace and take another pull from it before I flop myself down in the couch. Thank God no one is around to see me like this.

"Somehow I never saw you as a Zima kinda guy, Harm."

"Gaggggghh!" I shout, damn near dropping my bottle of clear, carbonated embarrassment.

"You scared the shit out of me, Mac!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she says, sounding anything but.

Mac flips on a light, and I take in the sight of her sitting in the chair across from my couch. She's dressed in a red silk blouse that hugs her curves and teases me with just a hint of cleavage. I can feel the blood leave my face and head south. What are you up to, Mac? I swallow hard as she stands up and takes a step toward me.

"I have questions, Harm."

"You do?" My voice cracks, and I have to wonder if those two sips of Zima have started to reverse puberty.

"I do, Harm."

I chuckle nervously. "Okay, um, shoot…" Great choice of words, Harm, I think, checking her hands to make sure she does not, in fact, have a gun. She slides forward again and I gotta say, she looks rather predatory.

"You kissed me, Harm."

"I, uh…that's really more of a statement, Mac."

"You kissed me right in front of everybody we work with."

"Well, not everybody…"

Mac is now standing right in front of me, and I press myself into the back into the cushions. She's making me nervous. I think she may kill me.

"You kissed me…and then you said—"

"I didn't mean it."

Mac's eyebrow goes up, and she smirks at me. "I think you did."

"I d-didn't. I mean, I feel a lot of…affection for you…but I wouldn't call it love…"

"Really?"

"I, uh, well I called it love…"

"Why, Harm?"

"I—"

"Tell the truth, Harm."

"I-I am, Mac." She's now actually standing over me, her legs on either side of mine.

"Okay, Harm." She takes a step back, and I breathe a sigh of relief. She was scaring me a little bit. "Okay, Harm," she says again, and then suddenly she's sitting down, straddling me. She wiggles a bit and I have to start imagining Bud in lederhosen to keep certain parts of my anatomy in check.

"Well, if you say you don't love me…and the kiss…an accident, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Then I'd say we have some decisions to make." She scoots forward on my lap and rests her hands on either side of my head. Her breasts are mere inches from me, and now Bud, the admiral, and Sturgis are all dancing around in lederhosen in my addled brain. It's truly an awful sight, but then there's another wiggle, and my favorite part of me twitches.

"We have some decisions to make, Harm…" she repeats.

"We do?" I sound like a squeaky chew toy. Damn that Zima.

"Uh-huh." She pauses a moment, and I hold my breath. I'm about to ask her what decisions she thinks we need to make, when she leans into me to whisper in my ear.

"Do we tell the truth, or do we live a lie?" Her tongue darts out and licks my ear, and at this point, there is no way I can control my reaction.

"Maaac," I groan, and she gives me a throaty laugh. I try to lean forward to kiss her, but she holds me back.

"We're not done yet, Harm."

"Oh?"

She shakes her head. "Tell me, Harm," she says after a moment. "Tell me why you call it love."

"I, uh…" I know I've sounded like a complete imbecile tonight, but this woman makes me crazy. God, I want her. I can feel her staring at me, and I try to look anywhere but at her.

"Tell me, Harm," she says more forcefully. "Tell me why you call it love?"

My brain is scrambled by her closeness, and I just can't think of anything to say to try to deflect. "Because I love you." I still can't look at her, but then I feel her hands on either side of my face.

"Harm? When you say those words…look me in the eye."

Now my eyes finally lock completely on hers. Those chocolate and amber orbs are soft, and there's no more resistance in me. "I love you, Mac." I try again to kiss her, but once again she resists.

"I still haven't forgiven you for kissing me in Bud and Harriet's backyard."

"I know."

"And I'm kinda mad that you decided to tell me you love me at a barbecue in front of everyone. A girl likes a little romance and privacy, Harm."

"I'll make it up to you."

"You'd better."

"Can I kiss you now?"

As an answer, her lips fall on mine, and several hours later, I'm hovering above her, lowering myself into her for the third time. She gasps, and I grin. "Does it feel good, Mac?"

"Uh-huh." She sniffles and I'm dismayed to see there's tears in her eyes. "Oh, Mac, did I hurt you?" I start to pull away, but her legs wrap around me and hold me tight.

"No."

"Then why…"

"Because it's feeling so good…that's what makes me cry, Harm."

"Oh." I'm not sure what to say next, but then her hips are pressing up into mine.

"I'm okay, Harm. Let's fly."

And we do.

Epilogue

Mac and I walk hand in hand up to Bud and Harriet's house. It's another barbecue, probably the last of the season, and she and I have been arguing about whether we should tell everyone about us. She wants to wait, and I'd be happy to shout it from the rooftops. I mean, we have been risking discovery anyway with how many times we've stolen kisses at JAG—in the conference room, the law library, the file room, court room three, even in a broom closet. So far, no one is the wiser, but how long can that last? Just as we're about to knock on the door, we let go of each other. Once we're let in, we walk through the house to the back door, each of us remembering what happened here the last time. This time, it's her turn to be heading out for an investigation. She'll be going with Sturgis, but their plane doesn't leave for another few hours.

As Mac and I mingle, I can't help but feel everyone's eyes on us. I know they're waiting for us to do something—maybe kiss, maybe fight, who knows. I try to ignore them, but I'd love to just grab her and kiss her. She'd kill me, though, so I don't.

Later on, Mac, the admiral, Sturgis, Bud, Harriet, PO Coates, and I are sitting in a half-circle of lawn chairs. It's about time for Mac to leave, and I wonder how obvious it would be if I got up and followed her out. While I'm trying to work out the logistics of that, Mac stands up. Leaning over me, her lips find mine for a quick but loving kiss. "Love you, Harm," she says as she draws back, and there's a collective gasp around us. Mac's eyes widen as she realizes what she just did. Neither of us say anything for several long seconds, but then Mac suddenly grabs me by my shirt and pulls me up. Her lips find mine again, her tongue slips into my mouth, and we give everyone a show—the likes of which they've never seen. I'm dazed as Mac steps away from me, but before she goes too far, I come out of it and reached for her arm.

"So, Mac…does this mean I can kiss you anytime I want?" She hesitates a moment but then nods.

"I guess so!" she says with a smile. Not one to let a moment like this pass me by, I pull her back into my arms and plant a kiss on her that causes her to go limp in my arms. I lower her into a dip, while everyone watches, and we kiss for several more seconds. When we finally come out of it, it's Mac turn to be in a daze, and I gently turn her around and push her toward Sturgis. He ushers her to the door of the house, and I turn around and grin triumphantly at everyone.

"Well, now you all know," I say cheerfully, waiting for their surprised exclamations. They never come...

"Hey, guys…did you see what just happened?" What's going on here? These are the same people who had a pool going as to when Mac and I would actually get together!

No one looks the least bit surprised now, and I look back at them in consternation. "Well?"

"We knew, Harm." This from Bud. "Well, I knew anyway." Then Jennifer Coates raises her hand.

"I knew."

"So did I."

"Me too."

Just then, Sturgis leans out the backdoor. "I knew, Harm. Saw you in the law library."

"Broom closet!" Harriet grins.

Jen goes next. "File room."

I turn to the admiral. "Admiral, I…" He stands up and claps me on the shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, Harm. Just keep it out of my office."

"Of course, sir."

He leans forward. "No, I mean, keep it out of my office."

Oh, shit…

I guess I can't kiss Mac anytime I want.

End Track 5