A/N: Another soundtrack. I'll be taking a trip early next month, so I hope to write and finish Miracles, etc.

Soundtracks

Track 9: Close Your Eyes RHODES

Mac looked behind her once more before she headed down the darkened hall. She didn't think she'd been followed, but she wanted no surprises. She'd been trying to get to him for the last two days, but some obstacle always seemed to be thrown in her path, and she was fast reaching the point where she slipped into complete madness. She hadn't slept in four days, couldn't even after they found him and notified them all that he'd make a complete recovery. She was exhausted, and she knew she wouldn't sleep again until she could see him…alone.

René had had the pleasure of seeing him first, and then everyone, even Mic, had poured in. René had sat proudly by Harm's side, obviously queen of the room, while she'd hung back, fighting an overwhelming urge to cry. She wanted to hold him, wanted to thank God her flyboy was here and safe, and she wanted to kick his six for scaring her more than anyone ever had in the last thirty-three or so years. She wanted kick his six for flying back in such a massive storm, wanted to yell at him, and then throw herself into his arms and tell him how sorry she was for putting him here. If she hadn't been so insistent that he come to her wedding, if she'd just have told him 'good luck' like she always had before…he'd probably be landing at Andrews, René warming his bed for him. As for her…well, she'd be married to Mic…

But now that wouldn't ever happen.

And she wasn't sorry.

What kind of person did that make her?

Shamed and upset, but still determined, she stepped into Harm's room. He appeared to be sleeping soundly, and she almost turned around and left, not wanting to wake him, but she decided she could at least sit beside him, hold his hand, and feel the warmth of him. She wanted this tangible proof that he was alive, though he had already spoken to her and thanked her for finding him that morning when they'd all piled into his room.

Ever so quietly, she approached her partner's sleeping form to sit down in the chair beside his bed. She slipped her hand in his, and for several minutes she just sat there, taking in his pallor, his innumerable scratches, and the bruises that encircled his neck where his parachute lines had nearly choked him to death.

"Oh, Harm," she whispered and brought his hand to her lips.

"Mac?" Harm shifted in bed, and her raspily spoken name ended with a groan. "That you?"

Mac stroked his hair back from his forehead. "Yeah, flyboy. It's me. But I'd better go…you need your sleep and I've woken you up." She pulled her hand from his and stood.

"Mac, no! Don't go, Mac. Stay with me for a while."

"Visiting hours are almost over, Harm. I just wanted to check on you."

"Fuck visiting hours!" His harsh words seemed to surprise him as much as her. "I'm sorry," he whispered contritely

"It's okay, Harm."

"It's just…I don't…I don't want to be alone."

"Oh."

"And I missed you, Mac."

"Okay." Her heart fluttered.

"So, you'll stay?"

"I'll stay, Harm. For a little bit."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Harm's hand slid across the bed and he held it open, obviously wanting her to hold it, so she did, ignoring the little spark she felt as she wrapped her fingers around his. His eyes closed once more, and she thought he was drifting off.

"You haven't come around, Mac."

"I-I didn't want to intrude…you and René…and Mic…"

"But we're friends, Mac. They would have understo—"

Mac let out a harsh chuckle. "Do you really think so?"

Harm laughed too. Unfortunately, his laugh ended in a fit of coughing that had Mac scrambling for his water. She rubbed his back until he calmed and flopped back onto the bed.

"Thanks," he answered while she unconsciously stroked his hair. "No, I suppose they wouldn't." He groped for her hand again. "Maybe we should talk about why they wouldn't understand."

Mac could only stare at their joined hands. She didn't want to have this conversation…or maybe she did, but she feared the outcome. They'd never done well with any previous conversations about it.

"Mac?"

"Harm, you should rest. Really, I should go…maybe I'll stop by with Bud and Harriet tomorrow."

"Just maybe?"

"Harm…"

"Mac, please…please stay…I really don't want to be alone."

"Harm, I'd be happy to call René for you." That was, of course, a lie and the look he gave her told her he knew it. He shook his head.

"No…I want you to stay."

"But why?"

"Because…I'm…scared."

Mac's eyes widened at Harm's confession. She had no doubt that his time in the ocean was terrifying, but for him to admit it…

"Harm, you're safe now."

"I know…but I'm scared you won't come back. Mic—"

"Mic doesn't own me, Harm."

"But you're marrying him."

"Harm—"

"You'll leave me."

"No—"

"Don't leave me." To Mac's dismay, tears started to slip down Harm's cheeks.

"Oh, Harm…sweetheart, don't cry. I won't. I won't leave you. Don't cry." She brushed his tears aside the same way he'd brushed her tears away in times past.

"I'm sorry, Mac…I've been a little emotional since the accident…probably hit my head…you have every right to go and marry Mic…I'm sorry I messed up the wedding. I'll be okay. Come with Bud and Harriet tomorrow if you can…" The tone of his voice told her he didn't think that would happen.

"Harm—"

"Goodnight, Mac." He turned away from her, as much as he could with all the monitors and IVs attached to his weakened body.

"Harm…Mic and I…"

"I know…he's waiting for you. I'll see you later. Goodni—"

"Harm!" She felt horrible when he startled and found herself gently stroking his arm. "Harm," she repeated, softly this time. "Mic and I…we're…over."

Harm's eyes widened and once again filled with tears. "You-you are? Oh, god…it's my fault, isn't it."

"Yes." The word just slipped out and she felt as guilty as Harm looked right now.

"I'm so sorry, Mac. I'll talk to him…I'll make him see…"

"No, you won't."

"I will, Mac. I promise to fix this."

At that, Mac chuckled ruefully. "Please don't."

"You mean…"

"Harm, Mic and I are over because I want us to be, and to be honest, after what happened while you were lost, I think Mic knew it was coming. No, I know Mic knew it was coming…he had half of his things packed when I came home tonight. I didn't know that when I told him, but…" She shrugged.

"I'm still sorry, Mac."

She brushed his hair back from his forehead. "I know. I'm sorry too…sorry for hurting him." She continued her gentle stroking and Harm smiled as his eyes drifted shut.

"That feels nice. Don't stop?"

"I won't. Now, just go to sleep. They're going to chase me out in a few minutes, but I'll try to stay until you're out."

Harm's eyes flew open, and fear clouded them once again.

"No…please, Mac. Don't go. Stay with me. I know they'll let you. I…I have nightmares. I've been calling for you…that's why René isn't here…please, please don't go…don't go!" His tears flowed again, and he tried to swipe them away. "Dammit, I can't stand this…but I close my eyes and I can taste the salt of the water and I can still feel how cold it was and I still feel the lines around my neck…choking me…and…" His body started to shake with sobs and Mac could think of nothing else to do but climb in beside him and take him in her arms.

"Okay, Harm…okay. I won't leave you. I'm here. I'll never leave you. I promise. It's okay…it's okay, sweetheart." Harm held onto her for dear life as she felt his tears soak her blouse. She suspected this was the first time he let himself acknowledge what happened to him, and she knew it was because he was waiting for her. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry I wasn't here before," she whispered as she stroked his cheek, his arms, his chest. For the next ten minutes, he cried, and she cried with him. She'd nearly lost him and finally she could let go too.

When they finally both calmed, Harm lifted his head, giving her a watery smile. "Sorry about that, Mac."

"Don't be, Harm. We both needed it."

"Yeah…um, Mac?"

"Yes, Harm?

"I love you."

Mac's tears fell again.

"Oh, Harm…"

"Oh, god…it's too much, isn't it…"

"No, no it isn't, Harm. I love you too."

Harm's watery smile morphed into something closer to his flyboy grin. "You do?"

"Yeah, I do. I tried to fight it…"

"Me too."

"I know…we both did, but Harm, we're both here now. I promise I won't leave…can you?"

"Yes, Sarah. I can. I promise to never leave…and you know I don't make a promise—"

"You don't intend to keep," she finished for him.

"That's right. Now…can I kiss you?"

"You'd better," she grinned, and then his lips found her. This kiss was different than their kiss at the docks, when she knew he was really kissing the ghost of Diane. It was different from their stolen kiss on the admiral's porch, when desperation gripped them both. It was loving, gentle, beautiful, and Mac would forever think of it as their first kiss.

When their lips finally parted, she cupped Harm's cheek in her hand. "Now, flyboy. Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." Harm gave a subtle shake of his head.

"I don't think I can…I know it's irrational, but I feel like if I do, I'll wake up in the drink again."

"Harm…" She ran her fingers through his hair soothingly. "Just close your eyes. I'm right beside you."

She draped her arm across his chest. "Close your eyes, sweetheart. I won't let go."

"Promise, my love?"

"I promise. Close your eyes. It's okay." She dropped a kiss on his shoulder and snuggled closer. "Sleep."

We're the same, really, she thought. I'm just as scared as he is…but we'll just have to hold on.

"Close your eyes," she whispered again, and finally, he did. His breathing evened out, and it was obvious he was finally resting deeply.

Mac had intended to stay awake a little longer, watching over him, but her own exhaustion caught up with her, and before she knew it, she was out too. No nightmares found them that night, and neither of them ever let go.

End Track 9