-ARATO HISAKO-

SEPTEMBER 2

Hisako planted her feet on her bedside rug and sighed. She needed this time off. Judging by how she didn't even remember falling asleep after collapsing into her pillowy bed and didn't regain consciousness until twelve hours later, her body needed it more. For the first time in weeks, she took a deep breath and felt oxygen fill the bottom of her lungs. She had been so tense; being in executioner mode all month and trying to control everything imploding in her life was becoming too much to handle. She was beginning to drown under the weight of it all. So, Hisako was deeply relieved when Erina-sama ripped her scheduler out of her death grip and told her to enjoy her weekend.

They had just landed in Tokyo from a trying turnaround trip to Seoul. An hour earlier, her parents had emailed her. To her surprise, they had finally returned to the Arato estate after a month away on business. But even more shocking was that they were only back to take her grandmother to a medical center in Phuket, Thailand, for a trial treatment. They would be gone for a month. Hisako was glad they were finally assuming responsibility for her grandmother's care. It had been her sole responsibility all summer, and it was not easy. With her parents finally doing what they should've been doing, she was fully prepared to switch mental gears and prepare for Paris. It's more like preparing her mistress to attend the sure-to-be-uncomfortable Inui-Shinomiya wedding that Erina-sama's boyfriend and his best friend were in Paris.

And honestly, she was looking forward to a lovely weekend in Paris surrounded by love. However, she'd take three days off work over Paris in a heartbeat. Even though it would've been nice to see the city with her love, the city of love would always be there. But if she didn't take care of herself, she wouldn't. "Medicinal foods can only do so much if the body is not well-rested," her grandmother's wisdom echoed in her ear.

Besides, she needed time alone to think. She couldn't remember the last time she had two days to herself without any responsibilities. Her days were always packed with serving, healing, attending to, or caring for someone else.

Secretly, it was positively suffocating.

Hisako pulled her pink bob into a messy bun and slipped into her coziest robe. She shuffled around her bedroom as she massaged the side of her neck, feeling the lactic acid building in their tendons. She hadn't realized she was so sore, but after the week she'd had, it was no surprise; she held her anxiety in her neck and shoulders. While rolling the tension out of her shoulders, her eyes landed on the photo string of Polaroids of her and Akira hanging over her tiny desk.

She tried not to think about how much she loved that boy. One of the first things they bonded over was their profound commitment to their person. Then, before she could even catch her breath from how different life felt with him, they became each other's person. She had always found him attractive, but what had attracted her to Akira, to begin with, was how loyal he was to those he trusted. She was the same way. Professor Shiomi was his Erina-sama, and they found comfort in the fact that the other could resonate with what that meant, even though he used it as a jab at her losing against him in the Autumn Elections when they were first-years. But he was right back then, and it saved her. She wouldn't have found any balance in her life if he hadn't called her out on how far up Erina-sama's ass she was. She wouldn't have found herself.

Hisako stared at each photo of them, each a different date night. She admired his dedication to his work and how, even when she did not want to bother him with a vent session, he would stop whatever he was doing to take her out and listen to her for hours. She took in her hands the picture of them in the park. He kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled from ear to ear. She remembered why her smile was so big that spring day. She'd felt embarrassed about something she did but couldn't remember now, but she could still vividly hear him whisper in her ear, "Never stop being you, Hisako. It's what I love the most." Tears welled in her eyes as her body responded to the memory as it did that day. He always knew what to say to make her feel seen. With a heavy heart, she let go of the picture. Hisako felt carefree and in love when they were together like a regular teenage girl. And loving Akira felt nothing like the unsettling and gnawing feeling of insecurity that she wasn't good enough being in love with Erina-sama made her feel. There was so much self-imposed pressure to be perfect for her, but being with Akira felt freeing like she only needed to be herself.

Work and school always made for great distractions from her personal problems in the past, but now that the liminality of life was a looming shadow in her world, she didn't want to hide from the truth. So, as much as she was devoted to her work and loved being at Erina-sama and her grandmother's side more than life, she knew she was starting to lose herself again. And now, also the first relationship she felt like an equal in. It had been five days since Alice revealed to Hisako her deepest insecurity.

"Look, Hisako. I'm going to keep it real with you. I slept over Akira's last night."

Hisako blinked. Suddenly, the steam from the sauna made her hotter. Something about the way Alice both flippantly said it and made it sound like she was breaking old news closed up Hisako's windpipe. She could see Erina hold back her shock from her periphery. Hisako felt a wave of relief that Erina didn't know before her. She didn't think she would've been able to handle that heartbreak on top of the cracking she was currently feeling in her left rib.

"Wuh-what do you mean?" Hisako managed to ask, though the voice sounded like someone else's echo.

"Well, you don't want me to spell it out for you now, do you?" Now, why did it feel like Alice was taunting her?

"Alice-"

"No, Erina-sama," her voice quivered. "No, I got it." She squared her towel-wrapped frame toward Alice. "Don't be a bitch, Alice. Say what you mean or say you're kidding."

"The long short of it is, I went to the Shiomi Seminar's investors' event at the behest of Akira…"

"At the behest of Akira? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Are you trying to say he begged you to come?" Hisako couldn't even imagine Akira, the high school sweetheart she'd fallen for after letting Erina go, saying anything of the sort.

"Yes."

The cracking in her heart crumbled.

"Alice!" Erina shrieked. "Why would you say that? Take that back!"

"Because," Alice shrugged at her cousin. "She quite literally asked me, Erina. Besides, it's the truth. Akira and I are still quite good friends, you know," she said, locking eyes with her frenemesis. "And we've been spending a lot of time together lately. We've had a lot to catch up on." Hisako fantasized about slapping the snot out of the heiress on sight, but she wouldn't dare risk her job with Erina or their friendship. "So when he invited me to see the latest recipes he was working on, of course I had to go!"

Hisako closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She thought about cursing her out, but she knew that wouldn't do anything but make Alice drive the knife deeper into her back. It was her fault for missing the event. She knew how much it meant to Akira, how hard he worked on his recipes and presentation with Professor Shiomi. She knew work had taken so much of her time away from their relationship.

BUT THAT DID NOT MEAN HE COULD GO AND CHEAT ON HER!

"So, you two…" She hoped Alice wouldn't give her shit because she couldn't bring herself to outright ask.

"Had sex?" Erina and Hisako silently stared at Alice to finish answering her own question—a suspenseful wait so long, Hisako knew Alice was reveling in—her petty ass. "No." Hisako's lungs deflated. "Well…" Hisako's chest clenched at the tinge of doubt in Alice's voice.

"Well?" Erina sternly asked, but Hisako waved her to silence.

"Well?!" Hisako repeated.

"Well, I'm sure we didn't have sex, but we definitely made out after sharing a bottle of Dom in his room. Turning to Erina, she innocently asked, "Does oral count?"

Hisako saw red.

"You were in his room?" Erina asked her cousin, pretty annoyed.

"Duh, silly! Do you really think I'd sleep on that filthy, tattered sofa in the lounge? That's where I called you from, remember?" Hisako's ears began ringing. Alice was enjoying petering out this confession, and it was starting to feel like she was unremorseful about potentially ending her relationship.

Hisako's brain caught up.

"Did this bitch just ask, 'Does oral count?'" Hisako's whole body began to shake. The sweat from her brow trickled into her eyes, their salty sting burning her eyes welling with tears. She felt the visceral tug of her soul to lunge at Alice but spat at her feet instead. It was the most violent, non-physical thing she could think to do.

Erina sidestepped the saliva sizzling on the sauna floor. "Alice! What the hell is wrong with you?" Erina stood up and walked to the sauna control panels. "It's getting suffocating in here. I'll go get us some iced cucumber water." She slid open the barnyard door and slid out, leaving her two best friends to suffer together. But Hisako was grateful that Erina knew each girl well enough not to pick sides.

"I remember us talking, kissing, cuddling, but…" A flicker of secrecy blinked across her face. "…apart from feeling fuzzy inside and out, I don't really remember anything but the intoxicating scent of the spices on his skin." Alice was making a meal out of this. The snarl of her lips and the glint in her eyes told Hisako everything she needed to know about the girl she could never get rid of.

"You've got a lot of nerve. Are you saying he took advantage of you?" Hisako shouted.

"What? No! God, no…everything was consensual. I promise."

Hisako hated to admit hearing the tiny voice in her mind that felt more betrayed by it being consensual than she'd assumed.

"I suggest you ask Akira to fill in the remaining blanks. There are two sides to every story, after all. Are there not?"

It didn't matter if Hisako responded because Alice was standing in front of the door before she could answer Alice's rhetorical question, her towel dipping low down the small of her back. The back that was always facing her. Alice looked over her shoulder with an undiscernible expression on her face.

"Look, Miss Secretary. It wasn't planned, okay? I'm not that much of a bitch, even to you. But sometimes, chemistry just can't be denied. You, of all chefs, get that, right?" She didn't wait for an answer as she slid the sauna door open and shut.

Hisako sat in the humid room alone, blaming herself for losing everything.

Hisako's brain was in the throes of a dissonance spiral over what Alice confessed. Now contending with the possibility that her split devotion may have cost her her person, she didn't know how to unfurl her feelings from the facts. She knew Alice was a maneater; what she put Ryō and her other boy toys through over the years was annoying to witness. She couldn't let her do that to the boy she loved. But she couldn't blame it all on Alice because Hisako knew Akira, too.

Hisako wanted to believe she knew the boy she'd come to trust in the months they'd been a couple. Hayama Akira wouldn't betray her like that. Akira had become her safety net. She felt cradled and cared for by him—a feeling she didn't know she wanted until she was in his arms. He never asked her to take care of him but was so caring and careful with her, gentle and attentive to her needs. With Erina-sama, she felt like a pet. With Akira, she felt like a partner.

But, if what Alice said actually happened, it's because Akira allowed it to.

-8-

Whenever Hisako needed clarity, but her emotions made it too hard to think, she used her hands. It was easier to heal someone or something else. That's why she cooked. It's why she gardened and was the top scholar of Chinese medicine at Totsuki. Working her hands in a pot or the soil helped her since she could pick up a pair of scissors. It allowed her to enter a flow that made everything else disappear and make sense. It was perfect because it was time to re-pot her honeysuckle flowers and plant some new angelica, Rehmannia, lovage, and peony seeds for future medicinal dishes. Hisako put on her BLACKPINK playlist and put her hands to work.

Akira called four times while she was in the herb garden. And just like that, all her thoughts clouded with the same fears she'd just gardened away. She'd ignored all his communication since her talk with Alice, but he hadn't stopped reaching out. She couldn't trust Alice, but she was a Nakiri, and even with all the family secrets they held, they weren't a family of liars.

But Akira? She realized she didn't know anything about what he was capable of. He only talked about his life after meeting Professor Shiomi. All she knew was he'd always been there for her when she needed him most. But she's been too busy lately to return the love.

Could the guy I'd entrusted everything to be capable of breaking my heart?

Her world had been crashing around her since last Saturday. Her phone rang in her pocket. She dug it out just as it stopped ringing. It was Akira again. Maybe it was a sign. She couldn't ghost him; Totsuki was too small for that. Perhaps he knew why she was upset.

But how will I know what to do if I don't speak to him?

As the phone rang in her Airpods, Hisako returned to that uneasy feeling she had the night he asked her to be his girlfriend. She had issued him an ultimatum— it was risky, she knew, but it was the only way she could think to make Akira choose— it was either her or Alice; he couldn't have both. She had a nagging feeling history was about to repeat itself.

"Hisako, baby…hey," Akira answered the phone. The nauseating pit in her stomach calmed at the trepidation in his voice. He sounded worried. Good.

He should be.

a/n: surprise! another chapter so soon! Hisakira hive, your time has come! strap in for the climax of their journey. and i hope this spotlight on the most dutiful and dependable girl feels good to read this lovely saturday, because what's better than reading on the beautiful first saturday night in september?