-YUKIHIRA SŌMA-

SEPTEMBER 20

"We need a break."

The words hurled out of his mouth before his brain could catch up, stopping Erina's attitude in its tracks. Her jaw dropped, and her eyes turned to saucers.

"Huh?" She had grown annoyed by his line of questioning—too annoyed, in his opinion, and it was itching his brain in a way he didn't like. Her impatience wasn't settling well within him. He had a right to know everything he was asking her. She was the one who failed to mention flying to another country to meet with her ex. She was the one who accepted the meeting and didn't let him know anything, but she was turning him into the problem for "belaboring" his issue with it. It was all too much to take in. His mind had disassociated from their conversation as soon as it became an argument.

Erina's eyes squinted in disbelief. He watched them dance across his face, searching for a hint of a joke. But he was too busy reeling from the suddenness of his words and the shocking realization that he meant every word and didn't want to take it back. "Are-are you serious right now? You're breaking up with me? Okay, you are really blowing this out of proportion, Soma. I don't need to tell you the happenings of my business—" She had held onto a haughty air throughout, and she was still indignant with him as if he were a failed restauranteur accusing her of being the reason why. But he wouldn't repay her in the same way.

"Not a breakup," he clarified as he got up and slowly walked to her hotel room's door. His back to her, his hand holding the doorknob, his voice low—hurt, disappointed, and confused. "But I need space to think things through," he solemnly declared, opening the door and softly shutting it as her voice cracked, calling out to him from behind.

"Sōma?"

-8-

That was two weeks ago.

And the scene replayed on a constant loop in his memory every day since. Today, Sōma didn't know what to do. He had spent the first three days punching the air, moping in his room, and crying while listening to sad love songs for hours. After a week, Miss Fumio dispatched a few first-years to send food from the dorm kitchen, but he could barely keep anything down. Since he could barely eat, he was rarely cooking. He wasn't sleeping either. His mind was racing, freezing his thoughts with fears about whether this was the end of their love story—if they would make it through this break without breaking up. That's when the shame spiral started. Sōma wanted to call Erina every day; he began to text her or drive up to the mansion every hour, but he stopped himself every time. And it ate him alive. The guilt grew with each passing day. By the time he woke up that morning, he was moodier than ever and confused about why. He was the one who asked for this space and time apart, so why didn't he know what to do with it?

Sōma stood at his kitchenette counter in a disassociated daze. He had no clue where to start deconstructing the mess he found himself in. The spices' flavors were all muddled, and the eggs were overcooked. He looked at the recipe, and though all measurements were correct, he still couldn't nail the flavor. He thought the secret lay in the dough mixture, but nothing changed for the better every time he tweaked his method with each stage. He was getting to the point where he just gave in to his creative block. He needed clarification about what had gone wrong.

Even though he hadn't expected her to, Sōma was disappointed he hadn't heard from Erina. She was never the one to do the chasing in their relationship. Maybe that's what confused him. After all they'd been through, after everything he'd done to be her knight in shining armor, to show her he would always choose her, was he not worth fighting for when he was the wounded warrior? Was the only thing stitching their relationship together the red thread of his love, consistency, and persistence never to leave her? It made him queasy to think their relationship would end if he stopped putting in effort. It made him dizzy to think that was why she didn't tell him about Tsukasa. Or how deep her feud with Tadokoro had gotten.

He'd learned the hard way from his sorta-kinda-situationship with Ikumi that maintaining a healthy romantic relationship was not easy. That's why he poured so much into this one. He was only a child when he briefly witnessed his parents' relationship, and his dad never brought anyone else around, so he didn't know what loving through tough times looked like as a boyfriend. But much like in his relationship, Sōma had to force himself to admit he needed space from Erina. He never thought he could ever pull himself apart from Erina. His love for her had intertwined with his heart, and the realization that it could be unraveled frightened him. It was a gut punch to realize how wrapped up he'd become in maintaining his relationship, to the detriment of his other friendships. He hadn't even intentionally hung out with his boys in weeks.

But he knew he didn't like how Erina treated Megumi's Ten business. He didn't want to believe she could still be that girl who heartlessly tore down the Chan Research Society's building and dispatched his ex to hunt down Bow Soc. The girl who rejected him from Tōtsuki during his transfer exam, even though she loved his dish. A significant part of him didn't want to go against that version of Nakiri Erina again…anymore. Too much had changed between them, and his feelings for her, now clearly defined though still being understood, made matters too complicated to split apart. He was in too deep with his love for her.

She doesn't trust me. That nagging thought sat at the forefront of his mind whenever he thought about how he got here— sad, restless, and scruffy in a hole of his own doing. If he hadn't said those four words, maybe they could have talked it out, have figured it out, and still be together. He should've just shut his mouth. Perhaps that was the problem?

Sōma dropped his rolling pin and ran to the waste bin. Out came the chunky contents of his last meal, remnants of another wave of regret. It'd been fifteen whole days since he last ate her annoyed words with a hug and a kiss, or redirected some silly argument over something he did by drinking in her porcelain-smooth face until she was at a loss for words. The distance made him realize they hadn't even had a proper date since their six-month celebratory date. It made him sick to his stomach, choosing to be away from her.

What the hell was he thinking?

He knew he was feeding into her fear of abandonment, but what an unfair choice.

"Do you really think you would've been able to make that choice last January?"

He dropped down and did a series of quick pushups to release his pent-up energy; his nerves were shot. Maybe she was right.

Maybe he was wrong.

-8-

"It sounds like you could use a hug," Sōma listened to his father's facetious tone. They'd been on the phone for a better part of the hour as Sōma recounted the weekend in Paris.

"Really? You think this is funny? I thought you called to give fatherly advice."

Jōichiro scoffed. "Hey! I only called because I could feel you suffering thousands of miles away."

"Whatever," Sōma rolled his eyes. in silence. "Old man, just admit it. You missed being a dad. Not a good one, by the way."

"Ouch!" Jōichiro laughed. "S'you have some things you need to sort out, bud."

"Yeah, you think?" He sneered. "I know that, Pop! Help me!"

"Look, Sōma, I don't have much time to have the birds and the bees conversation with you right now…"

"It's not like that, Pop!"

"Oh? Oh! Okay, well, what is it like? Because to me, it sounds like you're realizing you were in a codependent relationship." He knew his father's statement was judgment-free, but the words didn't strike softly in his ears. Sōma nibbled his bottom lip, trying to sort out his thoughts.

"I...can admit we've been wrapped up in each other, but I love her, Pop! I don't know why she wouldn't tell me about seeing her ex. I've never made her feel like she has to hide the truth from me. We've gotten through more uglier truths."

"Maybe she wasn't hiding the truth from you, per se. Maybe she just wanted to forget meeting with him altogether."

"But, Pop, her money is tied up in this. This was a business partnership."

"Exactly. Just business. Nothing personal."

"So, why hide it?! We spoke before they met up. We spent time together after she left Seoul. She had so many opportunities to, at the very least, say, 'Hey, Sōma, I ran into my ex.' Like, who the fuck is Tsukasa Eishi to me? I wouldn't have cared! But what really hurt me was how she was trying to make me feel like I was bothering her with my questions. I have a right to know if I'm being cheated on. I don't want to be the only one taking our relationship seriously."

"Look, I know that Erina is emotionally fragile. I saw how Azami treated her, too. I'm not saying you have to forgive her. That's up to you to decide, but I know a thing or two about trauma. So you have to seriously ask yourself, Sōma, what's more important to you? Being right, staying hurt, and losing her forever, or being her person, forgiving her imperfections, and moving forward together?"

His heart sank. "That feels like a false choice. No one warns you of how painful heartbreak can be when it catches you off guard. When the fantasy you built for your relationship begins to crack and shatter its façade," he sniffled. He felt the shockwaves of regret overwhelming him. He'd really messed up.

"No, I get it, kid. When your mom died, it felt like my life would never repair itself. But that was because of Death's callous decision. Neither of you have died."

A shame spiral began picking up speed in his mind. "But, Pop, we haven't spoken in two weeks."

"That long, huh?" Jōichiro sighed heavily into the receiver. "Then, there's no better time than the present. Remember Sōma, love is a choice." He hung up, leaving Sōma sitting in the darkness of his dorm room, nervous about what to do next.

He stared at his phone screen, and it lit up. Erina's striking face stared back at him. He looked at how beautiful she was in that picture. A silly candid photo he took of her on New Year's Eve. He remembered it vividly.

They were sharing a honey lavender ice cream cone from Grandma Kiyo's, and he'd just stolen a lick instead of spooning out a portion as she had requested. His swift movement startled her, causing a dap of ice cream to slap onto the tip of her nose. The iciness caught her by surprise, and instantly, he whipped out his phone to capture her innocent expression. Then he licked the ice cream off her nose. She slapped his shoulder in disapproval, but her giggles let him know she liked it.

Sōma smiled to himself and sighed. He missed her in a new way. He'd never been the one to walk away, but he still felt lied to, and for some reason, it hurt him too deeply to let it go. He swiped his finger up his screen and opened their chat thread. Scrolling back to their first serious texts to each other, he read through what became the beginning of their love story. Why couldn't they go back to that time?

A message from his father came through.

Popnow

You're overthinking, son. Trust love to do a better job than what your anger desires. That's how me and your mom sailed through our rough patches.

Sōma cleared the message banner and called Erina.

The phone rang—once, twice, three times…

No answer.

By the sixth ring, he accepted defeat and hung up. He switched back to their text thread and sent the picture on his phone screen with three letters:

IMY

Then waited.

Text bubbles appeared, pulsing through the three dots in the text bubble, letting him know she was texting. But then it stopped.

No response.

Sōma grabbed his jacket and ran out of his room. Now, he was angry. He knew Erina better than she'd like to admit, and he could feel it in his bones that she was ignoring him. But that determined fire that only blazed for Erina erupted like a volcano in his gut. He had no choice if she wouldn't fight for them.

Sōma couldn't let them end like this.

a/n: can i share a transparent moment out of the gate? this was a challenging chapter to write. i actually didn't want to write it because who wants to see their best boy down and out like this? but objectively speaking, better decisions on both ends could've been made (amirite?). thank you to my new followers, reviews, and favorites. it means so much to me to know that you're here, still reading, even though this website is glitching with its analytics. i hope not to keep you waiting too long for the next chapter, but until then, be sure to check out my other Sorina love story told solely from Soma's perspective, TWIN FLAME. i just posted a new chapter this week, and another one will be released before a new CF chapter.

take care, and #FreePalestine.

-You're Welcome!-

\_(ツ)/