She had told him she would be perfectly fine on her own.
She had meant it, too, until the dark car that had been parked across the street for most of the morning seemed to follow her as she moved from room to room.
Surely it was her imagination, chaotic as ever.
She wouldn't tell Dylan, or he would insist on returning early.
It was rare that he could have quality time alone with Erica; rarer still that Brenda could have that same quality alone time with Aria.
Particularly since she had returned to work.
She didn't regret her decision to return, but she did wish Aria could always be in the next room over.
Perhaps she would seek out acting jobs that offered in-house daycare.
If such acting jobs existed.
"I think your Daddy and your uncle would prefer it if we weren't alone right now," Brenda said, picking up Aria. "They tell me if my gut says something isn't right, then I should go with it. Last time my gut told me this, we were on the bus and something definitely wasn't right, so I think we should go for a drive, don't you? I did get my license again. But it might be too soon to drive you around."
Brenda's phone sliced through her debate.
"What are you doing right now?"
"I was thinking of taking myself and Aria for a ride," said Brenda, "but I wasn't sure if I should drive alone yet."
"Dylan isn't around?"
"I made him spend some time alone with Erica. She's trying to figure out how to tell him that she's thinking of joining Greenpeace. What about you?"
"Bored out of my mind and thinking of going into work."
"Didn't they make you take today off?"
"They did, and I'm still mad about that."
"Mad enough to not hang out with your favorite niece?"
"I'll pick you up."
Clare looked over her shoulder at Brenda, who sat in the back as she always did when riding in her friends' cars with Aria.
"What's wrong?" asked Clare.
"That car," said Brenda. "I swear it's the same car that's been parked outside my house all morning. Unless I'm losing my mind. Maybe I am losing my mind, again."
"Let's not joke about that," said Clare. "If it is tailing us, I've picked up a few tips and tricks from Carl on how to lose the paps."
"You think it's a pap?" asked Brenda. "What's a pap?"
"Paparazzi," said Clare. "Dunno if it is, but you are a woman of wealth now, so Steve would tell you you can't be too careful."
"Dylan, too," said Brenda. "He never has anything nice to say about the paparazzi."
"Neither does Steve," said Clare. "Carl uses them for his gain, or rather his charities' gain, but I have seen him lose them a time or two if they get to be too much."
"You've used them," said Brenda. "I've seen you, being interviewed outside the lab."
"That's for science, love."
They pulled up into the driveway, having successfully lost the car.
"If it is a pap," said Clare, reaching into the backseat to help unbuckle Aria, "that'll teach them to try to follow you."
They must have carried the weight of the experience on their faces, for Kelly hurriedly invited them in.
"Clare thinks a pap was following us," said Brenda. "That means paparazzi."
"Dylan isn't gonna like this," said Kelly. "Neither is Brandon."
"That's why we aren't gonna tell them," said Brenda. "Not yet, at least."
"Was the route to my house the easiest place to lose them?" asked Kelly.
"I know Brandon's out of town for the night and you had to stay behind for your classes, so I thought maybe Aria and I could keep you company while we wait for Dylan to get home. Then Clare called while I was thinking that and told me she was bored, so I asked her to come along."
"That sounds like the perfect afternoon," said Kelly. "I just finished up one of my essays, so you couldn't have caught me at a better time. Clare, a coffee for you, and Bren, tea?"
"Yes, please," said Brenda. "But not the way Brandon makes it. Can you make it the way Val makes it? She always makes it perfectly."
"I'll try," said Kelly. "I've been practicing. Have you talked to Val lately?"
"We aim for a few calls a week," said Brenda. "I think she's keeping something from me, but I can't figure out what. Have you talked to her?"
"I've talked to David, but it's mostly been about Steve. I think David's keeping something from me, too, though I'm also at a loss as to what it could be."
Maintaining a close eye on Clare, Brenda asked about Steve.
"I think Clare's probably talked to Steve more than I have," said Kelly.
"Not really," said Clare. "I've talked to Janet, and Janet tells me about Steve."
"What's the update on the Celeste situation?" asked Kelly. "I never thought she would come back around."
"There isn't a Celeste situation," said Brenda. "Aria says her uncle Steve would never hurt her aunt Clare like that, and don't we all agree that Aria is wise beyond her years?"
"Aria is wise beyond her years," Kelly said, peering into the carseat. "May I, Bren?"
"Aria would cry if you didn't," said Brenda.
That wasn't necessarily true, but it might not be false, either.
Kelly sat Aria on her knee as she gently rubbed her hand across Aria's front.
"You're a natural," said Brenda. "Isn't she a natural, Clare?"
"She's definitely better with Aria than I am," said Clare.
"You'd be better if you didn't give her back every time she cries," said Brenda.
"If she didn't want me to give her back, she wouldn't cry," said Clare.
"I see so much of Brandon in her," said Kelly, brushing her fingers through Aria's curls. "Is that weird?"
"No, because I see it, too," said Clare.
Brenda did as well, mainly in Aria's facial features.
Most of Aria mirrored Dylan, and whatever features didn't mirror him, mirrored Brenda.
"I can't believe she's almost five months old already," said Kelly. "She's growing so fast."
"It seems like just yesterday we were all waiting for you to pop her out in the tub," said Clare.
"Growing too fast," said Brenda. "She needs some playmates."
"Don't look at me," said Clare.
"Or me," said Kelly, though her comment carried less finality than Clare's.
"Then I'll work on Donna," said Brenda.
"Good idea," said Clare. "Don's always wanted kids. In the meantime, maybe check out some mommy groups around here."
Aria began to whimper.
"She needs a feed," said Brenda, unbuttoning her blouse on instinct before retracting her hands. "Should I go in the other room?"
"Isn't a problem for me," said Clare.
"Or me," said Kelly, her focus cemented on Aria.
It remained that way for the entire feeding.
With Aria down for her nap, Kelly and Brenda worked on getting Clare to open up about Steve.
"I'm flying out there again next weekend," said Clare. "Steve's convinced that if I meet Celeste, I'll see there's nothing to worry about."
"Are you worrying?" asked Brenda.
"Janet says I shouldn't," said Clare. "She says Celeste has been great for Rush, and I'm glad for that."
"But," said Kelly.
"But I'm not a patient person," said Clare. "I'm not understanding. And I - I love Steve, but - but is our relationship worth all of this?"
"I guess that's what you need to figure out," said Brenda. "Though if you want my opinion?"
"I'm willing to hear it," said Clare.
"Steve's mad about you," said Brenda. "You're crazy about him. You care enough about his dad that you've been researching every treatment imaginable, the way Dylan has been doing for me and for my mom. That, babe; that is how I know that your relationship is worth it."
Clare gave a watery smile.
"Are you just saying that because you want Steve and I to stay together to give Aria a friend?" asked Clare.
"Maybe a little," said Brenda, squeezing Clare's hand.
Clare laughed.
"Thank you," she said.
Brenda waited until afternoon had become painted dusk to tiptoe her way towards the subject.
Except Brenda couldn't tiptoe.
"You want kids," she said, inwardly cursing herself for succumbing to the direct approach.
"I do," said Kelly, looking out at the road ahead. "I'd love to give your brother the big family he's always wanted. But I don't think it'll happen for us, Bren."
"Why not?" asked Brenda.
"I have something called endometriosis," said Kelly. She fiddled with the car radio, settling on a station that gave the air a light, jazzy feel against the wind outside. "Do you know what that is?"
Brenda did not, and so Kelly explained.
"The doctor said it would be tough for you to carry to term," said Brenda, "not that you can't have kids at all."
"I think it's better for my mental health and for Brandon's if we don't try to force it," said Kelly.
"There are other ways, if you do want a family," said Brenda.
"Adoption. Fostering. Yeah, I've looked into them."
"And?"
"And I think I'll wait 'til next year to discuss it with your brother. I don't want to put too much on him too fast."
"Sorry, baby," Brenda told Aria. "Guess you'll be the only baby in the gang for a while. Like your Daddy and I will be the only married people," she hinted without a shred of subtlety.
Aria babbled away as she imitated her mother's expression.
"So that's where my girls got off to," Dylan greeted Brenda the instant she stepped out of the car. "Trying to steal them away, Kel?"
"I thought she might be lonely without Brandon around," said Brenda.
"I was," said Kelly. "Thanks for thinking of me, Bren. I really enjoyed today."
"So did we," said Brenda.
"Let's do this more often," said Kelly. "I need to know when Lucas and Sami are gonna give in to their tension and break a bed."
"You got Kel hooked now?" asked Dylan.
"I showed her Roman and she wanted to see more," said Brenda.
"Because he looks damn familiar. Doesn't he look damn familiar?" asked Dylan.
"Dylan's convinced he's met Roman's actor before," said Brenda.
"I have," said Dylan. "I'm sure I have. I think Jack introduced us once."
"I didn't think Roman looked familiar, but Sami sure did," said Kelly.
"Wanna come in?" asked Brenda, bouncing Aria against her.
"I better get going and start working on my next essay. Bren, watch out for dark cars," said Kelly as she reversed down the driveway.
"What was that about?" asked Dylan.
"Nothing." Brenda kissed Dylan and then atop Aria's head. "Did Erica tell you what she wanted to tell you?"
"About her leaving in January to join Greenpeace?" asked Dylan. "I told her I think it's a terrific idea."
If Dylan thought it a terrific idea, then Brenda knew Erica hadn't told him everything.
"Where's my adorable niece?" asked Erica, looking out into the hallway.
"With Dylan, of course," said Brenda. "You'd think they've been separated for a week, the way Aria's babbling on and Dylan's nodding along like he understands her."
They heard snatches of conversation that proved Brenda's statement.
"He told me you told him about Greenpeace," she said.
"You said I should, so I did," said Erica.
"Did you also tell him you got the idea from Steve, who mentioned it because Ryan is considering joining the International Medical Corps?"
"I'm a grown woman," said Erica. "I can leave that small detail out. It's dumb for Dylan to be against Ryan just because he's Steve's brother."
"Dylan does love Steve," said Brenda. "He just doesn't like to admit he does."
"'Cause Dylan's dumb," said Erica.
"I wouldn't say that," said Brenda.
"Love shuts our eyes to the obvious," said Erica. "Can you shut my door?"
"So you can call LA?" asked Brenda.
"Don't know what you're talking about," said Erica.
Brenda set to work on her self-imposed list of tasks. Sweeping the hallway. Organizing the bathroom. Recategorizing the spice rack. Pumping out breast milk. Freezing it for Dylan to use in Aria's bottles whilst Brenda worked.
"Recategorized the spice rack?"
Brenda feigned confusion.
"Recategorizing the spice rack?" she asked. "Does it need recategorizing?"
"No, but my wife decided to do it anyway," said Dylan. "Aria was just telling me all about how it went at her aunt Kelly's." Dylan tugged Brenda down by her waist to sit beside him. "Including the car you had to lose earlier."
"You spoke to Clare," said Brenda. She propped up her knees to balance Aria between them, who seemed determined to support her own head and informed Brenda that she could by batting her hands at Brenda's legs. "There was no reason for her to tell you."
Brenda handed Aria her teether, which Aria promptly began to suck on.
"Clare promised Steve she would look out for all of us and, evidently, Arnold takes her promises very seriously." Gathering Brenda's hair, Dylan lined his lips up at the base of her neck. "Kinda like we promised to not keep any secrets between us."
"It's barely a secret," said Brenda, adjusting herself to grant Dylan more access to her neck. "Clare thinks it's just the paps. Do you think that?"
"At this point, I'd be glad if it was just the paps," said Dylan. "But considering Brandon's seen a similar car, I'm starting to think it's more than that."
"Why didn't Brandon tell me about the car tailing him?"
"Why didn't you tell me about the car tailing you?"
"Because I didn't think it was a big enough deal since it didn't really affect you."
"Neither did Brandon, but clearly, it's a big enough deal and since both my wife and my daughter were being tailed, it absolutely affects me."
"If you think a car's following me, you won't let me drive," said Brenda. "Brandon won't, either, and I want to drive, Dylan. I finally have my license again. It's taken me months to get that."
"You can drive, Bren," said Dylan. "I'd just prefer it if, for the time being, you have someone with you when you do. In addition to Aria."
"Someone like you?"
"Doesn't have to be me, but I'm certainly open to being your passenger. Or Brandon."
"Brandon?"
"I'm none too fond of him being alone in his car right now, either."
"Are you suggesting I carpool with Brandon?"
"Maybe. On the days you both work in the city. Couldn't hurt."
Brenda said she would discuss the idea with Brandon.
She noticed Dylan's pensive hesitance as she popped open her blouse to feed Aria.
"Is there something else?" she asked.
"I was just wondering if it might be the same car I saw the night our Aria interrupted our shower," said Dylan.
"You saw a car watching us?" asked Brenda.
"I'm not sure it was watching us, and I thought I might be overdramatizing things because of new dad jitters. But Kel did say it was a dark car, and that one was…"
Dylan teased Brenda's hair, letting the layers fall down to her upper back.
"It might be time for us to consider getting some extra help," he said, glancing at a spot above Brenda's head.
"Like a nanny?" she asked.
"Like a bodyguard." Dylan met Brenda's eyes. "You're a woman of wealth now, and people may start targeting you because of it."
"Clare said Steve would say something similar."
"It's just a thought," said Dylan. "Something to consider if these cars are gonna stick around."
"I'll give it proper consideration," said Brenda.
Dylan stroked his hand along Brenda's free breast.
"You know, we still need to have a honeymoon one of these days," he said.
"When?" asked Brenda. "I get another day off tomorrow, and then I'm back in the studio again."
"After the premiere," he said. "A celebration of your achievement. We could go just us, or take Aria. Maybe Erica. Or leave Aria with Erica, or our parents. Get away for a weekend. Make sure we're keeping the romance alive."
"We have no problem keeping the romance alive," said Brenda. "You're just looking for a way to distract me from what the doctor said."
"I couldn't distract either of us from that if I wanted to," said Dylan.
"Just because we were advised to add my name to a transplant list doesn't mean you have to be scared," said Brenda. "Those waiting lists can take years."
"How can I not be scared when the doctor's still talking to my wife about heart transplants?" asked Dylan. "I know you think you're fine, Bren - and you are, you're much better - but you aren't there yet. That's why I need to make sure someone's in the car with you, because any freakout could send you right back to hospital and leave Aria and I fearing for your life. And I don't like you being followed, paps or not."
Brenda wanted to somehow make the situation better for Dylan, though she didn't know how.
"We can plan a honeymoon," she said.
They curled up to watch the feature film that Dylan had picked out for their weekly date-with-Aria night.
Brenda glanced away from the television to see that Dylan had nodded off against her waist, with Aria also asleep on her father's chest.
Brenda brushed her lips over both of their foreheads. Gratitude sloshed out of her for her little family.
"Bren?"
"Shh," Brenda warned Erica.
"Sorry," Erica whispered. "Your parents and Iris are at the door. Should I tell them to go away?"
"Did they say why they're here?" Brenda whispered, caressing Dylan to prevent him from being startled awake.
Erica said they had not.
Brenda attempted to extract herself from Dylan without waking him.
"Hrmph?" he said, opening one eye.
"Our parents are here," said Brenda. "I'll see what they want."
"Hurry back," Dylan told her. "I was comfy," he added before returning to his previous state.
Brenda asked Erica to stay with Dylan and Aria as Brenda went to the door.
"We didn't intend to come over so late," said Jim, "but your mother told us something that has had Iris in a right state since, and Iris insisted we had to see you."
Brenda invited them all in, on another side of the house.
"What did Mom say?" she asked Iris.
"Go on," Iris told Jim.
Instead, Cindy answered.
"Kip," she said. "Abby said she had to do it, for Kip."
"Do what, Mom?" Brenda urged, setting her hand on Cindy's. "Who's Kip?"
"Who knows," said Jim, "but as soon as your mother said that name, Iris had a bad feeling."
"A terribly ominous feeling," said Iris. "Have you by chance spoken with Valerie today?"
Brenda sat her teacup down with such lightning speed, it chipped at a corner.
"I'm meant to call her before bed," said Brenda. "She's normally working about now. We usually call Brandon first when he's away, then Steve, and then Val."
"Brenda dear, I do not wish to alarm you, but I would advise you to call Valerie," said Iris.
"Why are there parents in our kitchen?" asked a much more alert Dylan, Aria snug in his arms with Erica beside them.
"I - I must call Val," said Brenda, recognizing the terror that swirled in Iris' eyes.
"Bren?" asked Dylan.
"Get me the phone," said Brenda. "I have to call Val."
"Get her phone," Dylan told Erica. "Go to Grandpa," he said, giving Aria to Jim. "Brenda," he took Brenda's arms and twirled her to face him, "baby, we're gonna call Val, okay? And while we wait for her to pick up, I need you to stay as calm as you can. What did you tell her?" he snapped at Iris.
"Why do you automatically conclude that I had anything to do with this?" asked Iris.
"Because you usually do," said Dylan.
Erica brought Brenda her phone.
Brenda hit speed dial for Valerie's phone, burrowing into Dylan's chest as they waited for the unofficial third Walsh and honorary McKay to pick up, half an ocean away.
If she didn't, Brenda's next call would be to David.
She would be an obnoxious nuisance with both of their phones, until one of them picked up.
"I'll try Silver," said Dylan, pulling out his own mobile without removing himself from Brenda. "Don't let my mother's wild ideas freak you out, Bren. Val could just be busy."
"Yeah," said Brenda tonelessly. "Yeah, she could."
"We'll keep ringing until we get an answer," Dylan echoed Brenda's thoughts. "Maybe they're out for an early dinner."
"Maybe," said Brenda.
She remained steadily upright in Dylan's hold. His lips stayed pressed against her hairline as husband and wife shared in each others' determination to continuously dial across the ocean, leaving a plethora of vague voicemails and demanding requests to return the calls, immediately.
xx
Negative.
She had concluded it would have been better if, for the time being, the result had read as negative.
Three other results in the past year-and-a-half had all been negative.
She hadn't seen why the latest one couldn't have been, as well.
"It isn't my first rodeo with this thing," she had said, fingering the edges of the box she had refused to open. "Matter of fact, I've probably done this more times than anyone should. It never means anything."
He had set his own hand on the box.
"Was anyone ever with you when you took this kind of test before?" he had asked, moving his other hand to the small of her back.
She had realized then how sore her back had felt as of late, which she had figured had been due to the manual labor they had been doing on the venue.
"No," she had said. "Just me. I'm notorious for taking it after I get dumped. It happened with you."
"It happened with me?" asked David.
She hadn't yet turned around, nor had she planned to do so. If she hadn't been hunched over directly in front of the hotel's bathroom mirror, she wouldn't have seen the perplexity and perhaps simmering fury that marred David's otherwise handsome features.
"It happened with you," Valerie had repeated.
"When?" David had pressed.
"The first time you dumped me," said Val.
"When you greeted us in your robe?" asked David.
"You remember that?"
"I remember every conversation between us," said David. "Every word that was said. Every emotion we said it with. But I don't remember you telling me about this."
"Because I didn't."
"You should've."
"Should've what? Told you 'Hey, David, I know you broke up with me because I asked you to sleep with who I thought was my best friend, but I thought you should know I took a test that didn't mean anything before I went over to the Pit, saw Colin and thought he might be bored, why not give him some company?'"
David had attempted to maintain a semblance of calm at the mention of Colin Robbins.
Valerie knew Colin was a sore subject for both she and David, which was perhaps why she had invoked his name.
"That doesn't matter, Val," said David. "I would've wanted to be there. You're the one who said we couldn't be friends. If it had meant something, I wouldn't've abandoned you. Is that what you think now?" David had flipped Valerie around. An emotion worse than hurt had flickered in David's eyes, catching Valerie in its torturous crossfire. "That there's still a chance I'm gonna abandon you?"
She had slid her hands down the length of David's body, beginning with his cheeks and working her way down until she had landed on his sumptuous ass.
"Didn't cross my mind for even a moment," she had answered, surprising both David and herself with her response. "If I couldn't get rid of you when I was in prison for murder or now when you're fully aware of just how fucked up my life is, then I know you aren't walking away so easily."
"About high time you accept that," said David.
"My point is, it didn't mean anything then," said Val, "and it won't mean anything now. It never does."
"Except this time, you don't have to take it alone," said David. "All your tests; they're always alone. You might have someone waiting for you in the waiting room; you might not. You're called by the nurse, you're brought to a room where those who love you can't see you, and you take a test that'll determine whether your life is gonna change." He had swiped the box off of the sink and had torn it open, allowing bits of cardboard to embed themselves on the tile floor. "This test, Val, you're taking with me. And if it means something, then we're gonna decide what that means for our lives. Our lives," he had emphasized.
Valerie had eyed David, then the discarded box, then David again.
"Give me the damn stick," she had said, yanking it from David.
It baffled her that it had already been three weeks since the conversation she had tried to turn into an argument when David repeatedly hadn't taken the bait.
Two and a half weeks, working alongside Jonesy, wondering how long it would take for him to notice.
Wondering how the hell he hadn't noticed, if he truly was that obtuse or if he had finally managed to learn some manners and figure out how to appropriately implement them.
She had noticed.
How could she not notice, when her ordinarily toned physique had begun to slope in a way it hadn't before?
When she had been forced to pop the top button of her favorite pair of jeans that she had worn without issue since high school and tug down the hem of her shirt to cover her exposed panties?
She lay out on her bed, remote in easy reach beside her, television off, and looked at her blank phone screen.
She should call Brenda.
She should.
Brenda would want to know.
She couldn't tell Brenda without it getting back around to Dylan or Brandon, and then inevitably to Kelly.
It was the same reason David had agreed to tell neither Kelly, nor Steve, because they agreed that both Kelly and Steve would have blabbed.
Clare posed the same issue.
They had ruled out the gang, one by one, and boiled it all down to Nat.
But they couldn't put Nat under that kind of pressure to keep a secret from Dylan or Brandon and so they had agreed that, at present, they would tell no one.
"It isn't that we don't want people to know," Valerie said aloud to the empty room. "David does. If it were up to him, he would've told everyone by now. But me? I don't know. Maybe I'm being too cautious in wanting to wait. David and I agreed that there wouldn't be any more secrets in this relationship, but this isn't a secret that hurts anyone. I'm not used to that, you know. Secrets that don't hurt people. My secrets always hurt people. Just like my mother's do, and my father's did. Malones don't know how to keep secrets that don't hurt people."
It was a matter of timing, she had explained to David.
October was Dylan's birthday. The twins would celebrate theirs in November. Donna's would be in December, along with Aria's first Christmas.
"January," she had told David. "It's better to tell them in January. Nothing special happens in January."
"It's not like anyone's gonna accuse us of stealing the limelight, Val," David had said, crossing his arms over her waist. "I guarantee you every single one of them will be happy for us, including Kelly."
"It's Dylan's first birthday as a husband and father," Val had explained. "Bren's first birthday as a wife and mother. A baby's first Christmas is important and after everything Bren went through just to have Aria, we should allow them that. Donna can share, but Don can't help that it's also her birthday."
"Fine then," said David. "January. And if we still haven't told them by February, I'm making that my birthday gift to myself."
"I'm sure I can think of a few gifts to give you," said Val.
Yanked out of her thoughts and back into the present, Valerie raised the lining of her hooded sweatshirt.
"You don't have to call them your grandparents," she said. "Mel and Sheila; they're your grandparents. Jackie, too. Jim and Cindy, if you want them to be. And we can't leave Nat out. But Abby and - and Victor; they don't have to be anything to you."
Valerie tapped at her soft skin.
"Are you really real?" she asked. "They told me you are. David says he saw you, but all I saw was a splotch. So I was wondering if maybe you could make me feel a little sick, the way your cousin did your auntie? Bren knew Aria was real then. That's your auntie Bren, and your cousin Aria. I say she's your cousin. David thinks you're gonna be a boy, so he's gloating that you and Aria could date eventually, which means he won't consider her your cousin. I say gloating because he knows Steve's gonna be annoyed that we have more of a chance than Steve does because I think you might be a boy, too. But it's totally your choice; and Aria's, of course. Or if you aren't a boy, it's still your choice."
Valerie thought she should provide further explanation.
"Steve; that's your uncle. We all love Steve. You'll love him, too, but not as much as your uncle Brandon. Probably more than your uncle Dylan, though. Dylan; that's Aria's daddy. He's married to your auntie Bren. Your dad and I aren't married. I don't know if we will be. Your uncle Curtis - that's my brother; he thinks I'm scared. Curtis has always been one to state the obvious. And then there's your aunt Clare. Wait 'til you meet Clare. There's also your aunt Suzette; Suzie, for short. We don't see her much. You probably won't, either. And I guess I should tell you about Erin and Kelly, your dad's sisters. Kel and I usually don't like each other, but we're trying out this thing where we're trying to like each other; for David, and for Aria, and for Brandon. I think Kel will like you. I think she'll like you a whole lot. Bren will be ecstatic for Aria to get a new cousin, and Brandon's gonna be glad he's temporarily off the hook. Temporarily."
Valerie again glanced at her phone.
She should have received an update by now.
"David asked if I wanted you," she said. "He said if I didn't, he'd accept any decision I made. I thought about it really long and really hard. I always wondered that of Victor and Abby; if they had wanted me. I don't want you to ever wonder that. If I didn't want you, I could have stopped you from growing. But I want you to grow. I thought maybe I wanted it because David wants it, so badly. He's wanted it for a long time. He's been ready for this. I'm not. I told him I'd consider it. I thought we might have another year, two years for me to think it over. I didn't expect this so soon. I probably should've because your dad and I aren't exactly great at keeping our hands off of each other - or keeping our asses off of the floor - but I didn't."
Valerie skipped her fingers along her skin.
"The good news is, Bren didn't think she was ready, either. So I think by the time you get here, I'll be okay, the way she is. Except nobody ever wondered if Bren would be a natural. She's had a maternal side for as long as I've known her. I'm not sure I do. We Malones; we're fucked up. You shouldn't have to have a mom who's fucked up, but I guess someone up there thought otherwise. I'm going to try, though. I'm going to try really hard, for you. None of us thought Dylan was gonna be all that great, either. None of us except Bren. She knew, even when she didn't know she knew. She'd probably tell me that I'm looking at this all wrong. What I can tell you is you've got one hell of a dad and, between you and me, I've never been more in love."
David had greeted her that morning by simply staring at her stomach.
"Good morning to you, too," Val had said.
"How many weeks did you tell Dylan you were?" asked David, taking Valerie aback. "When you didn't think he should know Bren was pregnant?"
"You mean, when I was the bitch who lied to him?" asked Valerie. "Twelve," she had replied, mulling over which direction David would head with his question.
"Nearly there." David had grinned that mind-numbing smile he reserved just for her as he had splayed his arm across Valerie's abdomen. "One week to go and we'll be there. Twelve weeks cooking up our little Silver."
The kiss he had initiated and the subsequent morning greeting reminded Valerie of just why they were eleven weeks.
"Maybe don't refer to it as cooking," she said, "unless you're calling me a kitchen appliance?"
"You've certainly got enough heat in you for an oven," said David.
"Oof." Valerie had cringed. "Gotta be your worst line yet."
"It's all in the delivery," said David.
Valerie released a fake laugh, which became a genuine giggle when David chased her under the covers.
"Less than eleven weeks to the grand opening," she had said.
"You stay in today," said David. "Kick back. Relax. Reenergize. Maybe catch up on those soaps you and Bren like to watch. I'll meet with the bands."
"I can't relax when there's work to be done, no matter how much I want to know how long it's going to take Jason to make a move on my girl Elizabeth."
"Didn't her boyfriend just die in a fire or something?"
"And here you've been pretending this whole time that you weren't paying attention."
"It's that rerun they aired, with that Brenda character you said left the show," said David. "She resembles someone. I can't put my finger on it."
"Then we can buy a TV for the office and watch it together there," said Val.
"Hey, buddy, can you tell your mom she's done nothing but work lately and on top of everything with Jonesy, she's earned a day of rest?" David had given Valerie a determined look that wouldn't allow her to squirm her way out.
"Tell your dad he's overly concerned," Valerie had huffed out.
"Tell your mom we're gonna keep her stress-free, so we don't have any scares with you like Bren did with Aria."
"Tell your dad that was a completely different scenario and he cannot possibly try to compare the two."
"Tell your mom if she successfully stays away from work for the day, I'll bring her home a present."
"That's blackmail," said Val.
"I should think you would be used to blackmail by now," David had said as he swooped in to kiss her.
The blackmail had worked, though considering how bored Valerie had become in only a few short hours, she didn't think any present was worth it.
Continuing to talk to her stomach wouldn't make the day go by any faster.
David had said for her to not work, which had heavily implied anything to do with the venue.
He hadn't told her she couldn't pester Jonesy.
"I told ya, kid. I'm working on it," said Jonesy.
"You've been 'working on it' for three weeks," said Valerie. "I've had schemes succeed faster than that."
"I'm doing this for you, pro bono," said Jonesy. "Got a lotta clients lined up I could be helping, instead."
"You forget who you're talking to," said Val. "We both know how much you're aching to solve this murder."
"They sealed up the case years ago," said Jonesy. "Official word declared it a suicide. The papers insisted it wasn't. I solve this? I could be a national hero."
"Sharing the recognition, of course," said Val.
"Of course," said Jonesy.
"Where are you headed today?" asked Val.
"Coming out of Baltimore," said Jonesy. "Thought I'd head over to Long Island to inquire more about dear Mommy Malone's past."
"She's not my Mommy," said Val. "The goal is to tear her history apart. Find something on her, so we can use it to get Curtis out. Once Abby clears Curtis, then we bring her down."
"And that is why I love me some infuriated Valerie Malone," said Jonesy. "Can you repeat everything you said? I've got the tingles."
"I've got a boyfriend."
"Until you've got a ring on that finger, Doll, I still have a chance. And even then, divorce is always an option."
"Not even in your dreams."
"Sure, David's sweet, but can he love you like a real man can? Door's always open for you to come get a taste."
"I think there's some barmaids in Long Island calling your name."
"Hold on, barmaids; Jonesy is on his way!"
Valerie set down her phone, and returned her gaze to her stomach.
"That man," she said, "is not your uncle. But he is good at what he does, and if he gets your uncle out of prison, then we can pretend to like Jonesy. A little. A tiny little bit," she added, showing the amount with her fingers. "Very tiny. We won't tell him. Gotta deflate that ego any chance we get."
Valerie glanced at the mirror as she stood up from the bed.
"I see you decided to show yourself a little more today," she said. "I no longer look like I pigged out on Bren's baking. Is that how you're telling me you're real? Because I haven't been nauseous. At all. Just really tired. And really sore, which is probably why David made me stay in. Don't tell him I told you, but it's kinda cute how nervous you've made him. I think he'll be less nervous when he accepts that this isn't gonna go like Bren's did, and I'm not gonna let David treat me like a glass figurine. We're starting our own business, you know. David says it'll be more successful than the After Dark, which is reaching high, but that's your dad for you. He likes to reach high. Maybe we'll take you there one day; the After Dark."
Thinking back to every step of Brenda's pregnancy, Valerie tried to use it as a tentative calendar.
Aria hadn't shown herself half as quickly.
It had to be a result of David's large head, Valerie thought.
Aria had a nicely proportioned head that had still resulted in a lengthy time of Brenda attempting to squeeze that head out of Brenda's body.
Valerie thought it best to not dwell on how long it would take her and instead focused on dressing for the day.
"I'll humor your dad a little," she said, selecting an outfit, "but if Bren could still do things during her pregnancy with all the medical difficulties she had going on, then I can in mine. My mind and heart are fine. Well, as fine as they can be when they've been trampled by a tractor trailer as many times as mine have." Satisfied with her ensemble that showed a hint of belly only to the trained eye, Valerie slipped into her jacket and stepped out of her room. "But we don't have to get into that. The important thing is they're intact, and your uncles will ensure your auntie's get there, too. Bren's gonna be with us for a long, long time to come. Any other outcome won't be accepted, by any of us."
Valerie opened the fridge.
"God, do I miss Bren's baking," she said. "She's a damn good cook, too. You could say Cindy taught her well, but I think it's just Bren. Cindy; how do I describe Cindy? She's the woman who carried two and ended up with eight. Nine, with Aria. Ten, if you count Andrea. You'll be the eleventh. You can butter Cindy up and get her to cook for you, because I'm warning you right now, my kitchen skills are limited. More advanced than your dad's, but that isn't hard to do."
Valerie withdrew a half-eaten chocolate raspberry cheesecake that she normally would have paired with a beer.
Followed by a vodka.
For triple dessert, a margarita.
It had been her greatest concern; that the alcohol she had consumed after conception would have a negative effect.
She had been advised to not fret, and then went home to dispel her stash of alcohol.
Temporarily quitting alcohol might have been the hardest decision she had made in her life.
She told herself that Dylan had done it; therefore, she could, too.
She often told herself that.
If Dylan can do it, then there's no reason I can't.
Indulging in a few slices of cheesecake, Valerie smacked her lips together and clacked her fingers against the countertop.
"Let's go for a ride," she said, snatching her car keys off of the wall hook. "Let's go see your uncle."
She had debated it many times, whether Curtis would be the one exception to no one knowing.
She couldn't tell Curtis if David couldn't tell Kelly.
They had agreed on it.
Though surely David couldn't object to Curtis drawing his own conclusions.
Valerie would simply toss a couple of hints his way.
She arrived at the prison, parking her car in the usual spot.
She waved to the security guard, who waved back in warm familiarity.
"Fine day today; isn't it, Miss Malone?" he asked. "You look like you've had a fine day yourself."
"Why do you say that?" she asked.
"'Cause I ain't never seen no one glow like that when they pull up to the prison," said the guard. "Most folks would rather be anywhere but here."
"I will be," said Val, "when my brother no longer is."
She walked towards the building, questioning if she truly did carry a glow similar to the one she had seen on Brenda, or if the guard had just been another man who saw sizable breasts and a nice ass and automatically switched into flirtation mode.
Her ass had started to get chunkier.
She probably would turn the male gaze with it, as she had always turned the male gaze.
Maybe she should consider switching one of her rings to her other hand, just to prevent any of them from getting ideas.
"Can't let you in, miss," said the employee at the door.
"I was just here the other day," said Val. "I've got permission to be here. I can bring out the papers for you, if you want."
"Curtis' sister has permission to be here," said the acidic voice belonging to the woman standing before Valerie, "but as far as I'm concerned, she's away at college."
Valerie's good mood instantly vanished.
"You don't get to take my brother from me," she said.
"I think you and I need to have a little chat, Valerie," said the woman. "We can discuss my favorite topic: ungrateful vixens who spit in the face of the woman who did everything for them. Did you truly believe you could move my son to another prison and I wouldn't find him?"
"I'll come back later," Valerie told the employee, desperate to back as far away from Abby as she could.
If it had been any other time, Valerie would have stayed there and physically fought with Abby until she had been let through.
She couldn't do that, not now.
Valerie rounded the corner outside the perimeter of the prison and found herself surrounded on all sides by four burly men.
Fuck, why had she walked so far away from the prison's security cameras?
"You've been continuing to dig through my past, Valerie," said Abby. "I don't take kindly to people digging through my past, through matters that don't concern them, when I have specifically asked them not to."
"Asked?" said Valerie. "More like demanded, and they concern me when they concern my brother," she spat. "My brother who wants to see you even less than I do."
"Except he isn't your brother," said Abby. "He never was, and, as usual, I'm stuck cleaning up Kip's mess. A mess I've had to repeatedly clean up for my dimwitted brother ever since he knocked up my Victor's trollop of a half-sister. A mess that is the reason my son is in prison, his father is dead, and the girl I never wanted is the bane of my existence."
"I don't know what the hell you are talking about," said Valerie, "nor do I care to know. So if you will excuse me…"
She attempted to skirt around the men, frustration building that she had intentionally left her mace and pepper spray in the car to avoid it being confiscated by security.
She had to enter someone else's eyeline, someone who could help her.
The flirtatious security guard.
If she lined herself just right, she could pull out a gymnastics move and aim straight for the security guard.
"I think you will care to know," said Abby. "I think when I ask you to come for a ride, you're gonna be more than willing."
"Then you're as foolish as they come," said Val.
Abby nodded to one of the men, who backhanded Valerie across the face.
"God, I always get such satisfaction with that," said Abby. "Your problem is I never slapped you enough. Maybe if I had, that mouth of yours would've quieted down ages ago."
Valerie spat out bile and, upon closer inspection at the cheek of one of the men, blood.
"I despise you," she told Abby. "I despise you more than I ever thought I could despise anybody. You're madder than the Hatter if you think I will get into a car with a sociopath."
Valerie prepared to transform into a gymnast.
"I thought you would say that," said Abby, "but what you should know, Valerie, is that everyone has an Achilles' heel. And, to your detriment, I happen to know yours. Quite well, in fact. Such a cute Achilles' heel, at that. You do know how to pick them; I must say."
Abby flicked out her hand.
A man offered Abby a curt nod before popping open the trunk of a nearby vehicle.
Valerie convinced herself she would vomit all over the blacktop when, set wide above the duct tape that hid his beautiful mouth, two eyes peeked out at her.
She would know those eyes anywhere.
She could pick them out of any crowd, regardless of how packed that crowd may be.
David's eyes.
David vigorously shook his head, yelling incoherently behind the tape as he fought to tear the binding from his hands and feet.
"Now, about that ride," said Abby.
"Let him go," said Valerie. She resolved to remain solid despite her worst nightmare playing out before her eyes.
A nightmare that incited a weaker spirit than she knew she possessed.
If she let herself become weak, her planned move would do more harm than good.
She couldn't become weak.
"I don't think so," said Abby. "You both should have left well enough alone, and then you wouldn't have placed me in this situation."
"We didn't place you in any situation," said Val.
"Au contraire, Valerie." Abby clicked her tongue. "How wrong you are. You see, if your David hadn't stolen my diary - twice, may I add - I wouldn't be forced to close an investigation back up that never should have been reopened. He's going to serve as some excellent collateral to get it closed once more, this time permanently. That'll teach him to go nicking others' belongings."
"What did you do to that agent?" asked Valerie, unable to silence her curiosity. "Who are you really?"
"You said it yourself," said Abby. "Albina Gotti, though I still haven't the shred of an idea of how you found out, or why that delectable Brandon Walsh decided it was his place to help you out. You're lucky I didn't put a bullet in Brandon or David then and there. I assure you, that can still be arranged. If not a bullet, then there are plenty of other ways that Ox can maim David. You wouldn't want to be the reason poor wittle Davey is maimed, would you?"
The man Abby had called Ox held out his lighter beside David's ear, flicking the flame on and off.
Valerie's interior threatened to scramble, until all that remained of her was unidentifiable rubble.
She had to be tenacious, as she knew David's muffled yelling was telling her to be.
"Or why the cars I have watching the Walsh twins are told to take action?" Abby continued. "They were placed there in the event that dear, darling Cindy cracks like a Faberge egg, but I can easily give them another reason to proceed. Only takes one phone call to that sensational Immo and Jim Walsh is once more putty in our hands. He has a granddaughter now, doesn't he? Dylan McKay; he's no stranger to car bombs. How do you think he'd take it if his family got caught in one, again? Do you think he would be so quick to forgive you if you upended his life, the way you have continuously upended mine?"
Valerie would not crack.
She would not.
Absolutely could not.
Abby didn't have anyone watching the twins.
She couldn't have.
She was bluffing Valerie, and Val wouldn't fall for it.
She could bluff pretty damn well, herself.
She had learnt how, from the biggest bluffer there was.
"Now, you can hold the responsibility for all of that," said Abby, "or you can take a little ride with me. Which is it going to be?"
"I told you," said Val, "regardless of how many threats you make, I'm not getting in a car with you."
She enacted her move, the one that had won her a shelf of trophies.
Her move failed.
Fire rained through Valerie's arms as Abby's man heeded the barked order to bind them behind Valerie's back.
"Do you forget who paid for those gymnastics lessons?" asked Abby. "Who paid for the coach that helped you perfect that move? Whose gymnast tapes you used to sit and watch, for hours?"
Abby gestured, and multiple beefy hands clamped down on Valerie.
"I had hoped we could do this the easy way," said Abby. "After all these years I've spent playing the role of your mother, you'd think you could show an iota of respect for me."
"I don't have a mother," said Valerie.
She dug the heel of her boot into the shoe of one of the men, which could have made a difference if there hadn't been three others that made her attempt at escape fruitless.
"Have it your way, then," said Abby. "I always knew I would regret agreeing to raise you. But your father; oh, he was insistent, and in those days, I would have done anything to please Victor. The egregious error of my life was the day we took in you. They didn't want you. I didn't want you. No one wanted you, Valerie; no one but your father. He wanted you from the first moment he lay eyes on you, but of course I wouldn't know the precise level of that desire until you began your schooling. We gave you everything, Valerie, everything you never would've had in the state system. And yet, if I had known I would spend the rest of my Victor's life competing with you for his attention, I never would have agreed to any of it and you would be out on the streets with the other guttersnipe, where you belong. There's still time to remedy that."
Valerie decided her phone had chosen a horrible time to go off, on the loudest volume imaginable.
One of the men reached into Valerie's purse, withdrew her phone, and handed it to Abby.
"Wouldn't you know it," said Abby. "Darling Brenda. That can only be Walsh, can it? Or is it McKay? I believe Immo said it was McKay."
"Leave David alone," said Valerie through gritted teeth as she struggled to free herself. "Leave Brenda alone, Brandon alone, Cindy, Jim, Dylan; leave them all alone. Your fight is with me. Only me."
"It could have been," said Abby, "if you and David had left well enough alone. If you hadn't involved Jay Jonesy, of all people. Remember, Valerie; whatever happens from here on out, you have brought on yourself. You are a nuisance we all should have disposed of decades ago."
Valerie's flaring temper had made a terrible situation worse the last time she had confronted Abby.
To avoid that, she kept her voice as level as possible, which caused her to sound icier than Abby.
Or perhaps she was icier than Abby.
Unstoppable.
Valerie was unstoppable. She wouldn't be stopped, not by anyone. She wouldn't be brought down. She wouldn't permit herself to be disparaged, internally or externally. She wouldn't question herself, her willpower, or her capabilities.
Not anymore.
"I am not a nuisance," said Valerie.
"You are unlovable," said Abby.
"I am loved," said Val, "by those who matter."
"You are worthless."
"I am valuable."
"To your father. To him, you were more valuable than Grace Kelly's engagement ring. He cloaked you with attention. Showered you with every toy you ever asked for. Still, that wasn't enough for you. Valerie Eugenia, always wanting more."
"I do not have a father. I despise you both."
"I despise you," Abby retorted. "The youth you snatched from me. The husband you ensured I will never see again. As I can ensure you will never see your friends again, if you are even capable of having friends."
Abby tossed Valerie's continuously ringing cellphone to the blacktop, where it landed close enough to be crunched underneath Abby's heel.
"You want to know everything, Valerie? Everything I did for my ungrateful brother? The man who to this day causes me perpetual misery?" Abby scraped her fingernail along Valerie's face. Valerie turned her cheek. "Very well. I will tell you."
Abby snapped her fingers. The sound wreaked havoc upon Valerie's ears.
"Boys? I think it's time we show Valerie here what happens when you cross the highest-ranking member of the most powerful crime family on the eastern seaboard."
"Yes, Boss," four men said in unison.
"Let go of me," Valerie shouted, tacking on "you filthy miscreants!" in an attempt to channel the theatrics of Brenda and perhaps a bit of Dylan.
Valerie headbutted the torso of one of the men. His physique was such that the action held little effect on him and more effect on Valerie's clanging head.
"Now, now, Valerie, you're always detailing the level of loathing you possess for your pathetic little existence," said Abby. "I should think you would be ecstatic my men will be delighted to offer to end it for you. First, however, you will watch David suffer; the way you have caused your father and I years of suffering of our own. As you have everyone who has the misfortune to encounter you."
Two objects Valerie recognized as the EpiPen used by Suzie shoved themselves into Valerie's skin.
"Sorry lady," one of the men whispered in Valerie's ear. "Never a good idea to piss off a mafia queen. Especially one that's recently come out of retirement."
Valerie had never needed epinephrine in her life. Multiple doses of an injection she didn't require, combined with two large needles Abby gleefully informed her were filled with xylazine swiped from a veterinarian's stash, rapidly took a toll on Valerie's body.
"I never - never asked - aked to be - to be - Malone," she drawled in a voice that wasn't hers. She fought to keep herself upright, to keep her voice coherent. She sought out David's eyes.
David banged the backs of his thighs on the floor of the trunk as he tried to slide his way out of it.
"Dave…id." Valerie's mouth filled with plastic. "Dave…Dave…Sil-ver…I love…love…our…life…love…Dave…"
Fatigue swallowed Valerie whole until all she could see was an endless tunnel, a tunnel that undoubtedly led to a large mass of nothing where no one would be waiting for her on the other side.
Not even her David.
But she wasn't alone, not when she had half of David to protect.
She would, somehow.
As soon as she found a solution to charge her way out of the dark walls that were quickly closing in on her, affecting her ability to breathe.
-x
Sources: Google, Google Images, and the websites for BabyCenter, Missouri Poison Center, Nutricia Neocate, Penn Medicine.
(Shout-out to Guest and KJ to express my gratitude and appreciation, as well as those of you whose review I could respond to directly. Guest, no need for an apology! Delighted you've popped in and that you're enjoying the story, thank you. Steve had one of the better of the endgames, arguably the better endgame, but I will always wish he had ended up with Clare. And it's great to hear that I'm making you like my Val, ha! KJ, welcome back and thank you! I'll be right there along with you, pretending our DV had the endgame they deserved.)
Thanks a million! x