Garfield League of America 3 Episode Two – Island of the Blue Beetles!
It was a sunny new day in Latin American City on Latin American Island and recently returned home college graduate Jamie Reyes was waking up with a cacophonous yawn. Jamie Reyes had a big day ahead of him and he was feeling all kinds of nervous jitters.
"I am very nervous Uncle George Lopez." Jamie Reyes confinded with anxieties to his Uncle George Lopez over breakfast of chorizo and chilaquiles with the whole family. "Today is my job interview at Kord Industries and I need this job or my family may lose our house. All is riding on me like the lone vaquero on a pogo stick."
"Yeah no pressure or anything doofus." Said Jamies Sister with condemnation. "I bet our family would still have money to pay rent if Mom and Dad had not wasted all of it on putting you through college for degrees."
"You should've forsaken the liberal arts and instead followed me into the Mans Work of Handy Work with Hands! Instead you cannot even get the job picking up dirty fries with your fingers at Ronald McDonaldland!" Said Uncle George Lopez with physical labor.
"Please Jamie you must do this right or else your father's heart may go the way of the Dodo!" Said Jamies Mom as she piled on the pressures. "Yeah Jamie you don't wanna be the hippie bum that does in my ticker do you?" Jamies Dad glared at his son.
"I always knew you were my least favorite of my grandchildren!" Grandma Reyes taunted Jamie. "Do not even think of showing your little puta face in this house again if you do not ace that interview!"
Jamie Reyes rode the bus to Kord Industries. On the bus he found himself lost again in the dark abyss that were his thoughts and fears of an uncertain future. "Oh if only I could roll the dice again and redo my life knowing what I know now! I would get a useful degrees in moneys instead of a useless degrees in the films!"
Jamie Reyes arrived at Kord Industries Building. "Hello I am here for my interview for the job that pays moneys." Jamie Reyes told the secretary. Jamie Reyes then went to the interview room. Jamie Reyes waited for a bit and then in walked the CEO of Kord Industries Susan Sarandon.
"I am Susan Sarandon. I am very busy CEO and you better have good reason for taking up my minutes." Said Susan Sarandon with disinterest.
"Please give me the job! I am desperate unemployed and my family will be evicted if I cannot get them the moneys by the end of the week!" Pleaded Jamie Reyes with begging.
"Nah. I think it would give me great pleasures as Rich and Powerful Persons that instead of using my moneys and powers to help a struggling peasant in need I instead used it to crush you like an ant at a roller-rink." Susan Sarandon smirked at Jamie Reyes with sadistic cruelty. Then with a snap of a finger her Burly Henchman Bodyguard grabbed Jamie Reyes by the neck and threw him out of Kord Industries with a bounce like a tennis ball on the Autobahn.
"Ouch!" Jamie Reyes teared with crushing failure and then he limped off to Burger King to buy himself a depression Whopper as he tried to figure out how to break the bad news to the family.
Sometime later Susan Sarandon's Hot Niece Jenny was running through the streets with urgent secrets. "I am Susan Sarandon's Hot Niece Jenny and my Dad was Ted Kord the Superhero Man Blue Beetle! She inherited all of his things including me when he mysteriously died in a vanishing!" Hot Niece Jenny thought to herself. "I thought she was cool at first because she is Susan Sarandon and she was great in Basic Instinct and Total Recall! But then I found out she was using his Superpowered Space Scarab to manufacture Weapons of Mass Destruction to sell to terrorists and imperialists for Profits! That was not cool at all!"
Hot Niece Jenny continued to exposit to herself as she ran through busy streets dodging hustling bootleg vendors on the sidewalks and cars at busy intersections. "I could bear witness to the evil done in Father's Name no longer! It is too little too late but perhaps I clear my conscience some by stealing the Scarab and throwing it into the lake before Susan Sarandon can make even more weapons with it! And I have just the perfect hiding place for it until I get to the lake – a Whopper Jr Box from Burger King!"
With nervousness Hot Niece Jenny looked over her shoulder to see if Susan Sarandon's elite death black ops death squad had caught up with her yet but as she did this she was not lokoign where she was running and collided with Jamie Reyes knocking both of them to the ground.
"Hey, watch were you're going!" Jamie Reyes chastised Hot Niece Jenny then he looked at his hands. "Oh no I dropped my Whoppers. I spent the last of my moneys on them!"
"I am very sorry!" Said Hot Niece Jenny with apologies. "Here let me help you!"
"There is no time! Sorry hottie, I would like to chat but I am having a rotten day and these Whoppers may be my last shot at salvation!" Jamie Reyes noticed there were now three Whopper Boxes on the ground and without careful checking he grabbed two of them and ran away back home.
"Oh no he took the wrong box! The all-powerful Blue Bettle Scarab is now in possession of a Random Mexican Kid!" Hot Niece Jenny exclaimed with alarm as she picked up the remaining box and saw inside was a Whopper instead.
Jamie Reyes reached his home. He was the bearer of bad news and he knew the odds of death for this messenger were great. He hoped that his gambit would pull off and stay that execution for a few more days.
"Hey Jamie Reyes what the fudge are you doing bringing home Burger King Whoppers when Mama was working hard on cooking enchiladas and tamales for dinner?" Jamies Sister Glared at him. Jamies Mom Dad, and Uncle George Lopez were at the table looking at him with expectations. Grandma Reyes was in the other room taking a nap.
"Uh I uh got the uh job and I uh got a Whopper for myself and Dad to celebrate my first paycheck of moneys!" Said Jamie Reyes with quick improvising. "You just know how Dad loves Burger King, Milagro!"
"He is right there, I do like Burger King." Said Jamies Dad with agreement. "Ok son gimme a whopper."
Jamie Reyes handed a box to his father. Jamies Dad looked at the box and then at his son with Disappointment. "Son, this is a Whopper Jr. Not a Whopper. Gee you cant even buy fast food right can you?"
Jamie Reyes thought to himself in confusion. "Hey that is weird I thought I got two Whoppers not a Whopper and a Whopper Jr. Fast Food workers you cannot count on them even less than FedEx!"
In defeated despair Jamie Reyes watched as his Dad took the Whopper from him and forced the Whopper Jr Box into his hands. As Jamie Reyes watched his Dad eat the Whopper Jamies Reyes finally noticed that The Whopper Jr Box was heavier than usual.
"Huh did they go extra on the lettuce?" Jamie Reyes wondered like the curious cat as he opened up the Box. And what he saw was instead of a delicious burger was instead a blue alien scarab! Upon opening the box in full, the Scarab activated and sprag to life!
"BWA HA HA HA HA HA A FRESH HOST AT LAST. NOW IS THE TIME OF MY REVENGE UPON HUMANITY!" The Scarab said with evil triumph as it latched onto Jamie Reyes and parasitically fused into him.
"Damn, Jamie, what did you ask them to do to that Whopper? Just cause they say you can have it your way don't mean you should!" Uncle George Lopez said as Jamies Family ran for cover as Jamie Reyes wildly thrashed about screaming in pain as the Scarab began inducing him in a biomorphological cyber-transformation.
"OH NO! GAAAACK." Jamies Dad, in the chaos, choked on a bite of his Whopper and also began having a heart attack while he was choking.
"Dad! Noooooooo!" Jamie Reyes screamed. "GOOOOOD! GIVE INTO DESPAIR SO I CAN FULLY TAKE OVER YOUR FLESHBAG BODY!" The Scarab chirped with delight.
"What is happening to my son?" Jamies Mom cried with horror. At that Moment Hot Niece Jenny burst in.
"I am Susan Sarandon's Hot Niece Jenny!" Said Hot Niece Jenny with introductions. "Your son Jamie Reyes has been taken over by an Alien Scarab from Planet Scarab! My father tried to teach the Scarab to be good and defy its original programming but it was driven to madness by Susan Sarandon and now it seeks nothing but the total destruction of humanity and subjugation of its survivors by turning your son into the new"
"BLUE BEETLE! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!" Said Blue Beetle as it finished its takeover of Jamie Reyes body.
"Give me back my son you space freak!" Jamies Mom grabbed a shotgun and pointed it at Blue Beetle. Blue Beetle scoffed. "Bwa ha ha foolish female I have fully assimilated Jamie Reyes into my control! His body, his soul, is mine! Do you risk harming your son by harming me?"
Crying with conflict Jamies Mom did nothing as the Blue Beetle went up to her and ripped the shotgun out of her hands and broke it in two. Blue Beetle then morphed his hands into laser cannons. The cannons charged up as it pointed them at Jamies cowering family and the Hot Niece Jenny. "This is where the fun begins!"
"Is there anyone man enough who can save us and my son from that armored monstrosity?" Jamies Mom asked in despair.
At that moment, Garfield was riding through the seas in his speedboat. He was wearing a pricey Armani suit and cool shades with a Sexy Chinese Woman at his side. Garfield was headed to Cuba to liberate the Island from Communism and also get some Lasagna Mojitos because Garfield was a fiend for mojitos. The song One of These Mornings was playing as Garfield sliced through the waves at 101 nautical miles per hour. Garfield was vibing enjoying the ocean breeze through his immaculately groomed manly hair and the sensual passions of the Sexy Chinese Woman as she rubbed against him in a tender embrace.
"Damn do I love mixing business with pleasure." Garfield said to himself with satisfaction as Cuba came into view. But suddenly at that moment Garfield's phone began to ring. It was Superman calling!
"Take the wheel, honey-buns." Garfield said to his Sexy Chinese Woman as he took the call.
"Garfield we have urgent emergencies! There is rogue Alien Scarab running loose in Latin American City! I would stop it myself but I am busy helping Lois Lane dig into the deepest of dark truths! (wink)" Superman said with apologies to Garfield.
"Don't be sorry, Superman old buddy, a hero's gotta do what a hero's gotta do. Ah, shoulda known Monday was goin' too well." Said Garfield with good humor. With an understanding nod from the Sexy Chinese Woman, Garfield put his jetpack on her and set it to autopilot to some safe coordinates before sending her on her way. He took one last look at Cuba before turning the speedboat around to new destination. "Enjoy your last night of easy rest Black Lantern Fidel Castro, because tomorrow I will be back to dig you a new grave with a vengeance!"
Garfield sped towards Latin American City like the ambulance to the ER. As Latin American City came into sight, Garfield saw with some dismay that it was already on fire and there were lots of explosions. As Garfield neared the Island a fleet of Kord Industries Attack Helicopter led by a drone projecting a hologram Susan Sarandon came into view.
"Stay out of this Garfield! This is private business that you have no business to meddle in!" Susan Sarandon warned Garfield. "I will not let you expose my crimes to the world! Kord Industries controls all of Latin American City and our security is tighter than a nuns undergarments!"
"These keys fit any lock, baby." Garfield bragged as he flexed his muscles.
"Then I look forward to harvesting all your manly secrets from your bullet-ridden corpse! OPEN FIRE!" Susan Sarandon screeched as her hologram disappeared and all the attack helicopers opened fire on Garfield with machine guns and rockets. There was a great explosion as the speedboat went up on smoke. As the fires burned and smoke rose nito the sky there was no sign of Garfield amidst the black waves.
"Hahaho I did what no man ever could and defeated Garfield! Now ready the divers to extract Garfield's corpse!" Susan Sarandon evilly cheered.
"You got it maam!" Said one of the Attack Helicopters as it hovered over the wreckage of Garfields speedboat and began lowering a diver man. The diver man looked down ready to get to work but then his heart started skipping beats as he saw the waters begin to churn. "Huh? Is that a" Before he could finish the sentence Garfield riding a megalodon burst out from beneath him and ate the diver. Garfield held in his hand Aquaman's trident which Aquaman had traded to him in exchange for an air fryer.
"RIDE WITH ME, DENIZENS OF THE DEEP, AND DELIVER A FEAST OF FINAL JUDGMENT UPON THESE FOOLS!" Garfield proclaimed as from behind him rose an entire army of deadly sealife from more megalodons to krakens and that rendered violent explodings upon the attack helicopters.
"No! How is this possible?" Susan Sarandon demanded to know.
"You multinational corporations have forgotten amidst all your expansions and greed that there is one thing bigger than you that you can never hostilely takeover: ME." Garfield flexed and pointed at himself. "Be seeing you soon, Christmas Cake."
Garfield then shot the hologram drone with his Desert Eagle. Seeing this back in her Kord Industries Office Susan Sarandon shrieked in defeat and ran to the elevator to take her to secret underground bunker for hiding.
"Garfield will never find me in here! This place is as secure as Fort Knox and as hidden as Shangri-La!" Susan Sarandon reassured herself as she stepped out into the bunker. But then to her surprise she saw sitting zen-like in the center of the room shrouded in shadows a manly orange man. It was Garfield! But how could it be?
"This cannot be! It is impossibilities – you were outside miles away how can you be in here with me?" Susan Sarandon demanded to know as her head started to whirl around and get light.
"You think trivial concepts like physical possibility, linear time and space can contain a man like me? Spoken like one who has never known of the boundless majesties of a freshly baked lasagna. You're nothing more than a passing blur to be forgotten in a fleeting summer dream. Contemplate it all in the dark." Like a hazy apparition, Garfield was back there and then suddenly in front of her. Garfield reached for Susan Sarandon and she felt the force of Garfield wash all over her and rewrite her whole state of mind. All became a blur as Susan Sarandons eyes rolled back and she fainted. Garfield kissed Susan Sarandon's sleeping cheek and slapped a pair of handcuffs on her. "Sweet dreams. Enjoy them. There won't be much sweetness for you in your cell."
Then Garfield vanished, as quickly as he had appeared.
With the power of Aquaman's trident, Garfield got atop an orca and then created a giant tidal wave to ride to Latin American City in style. With a mighty leap, Garfield departed his whale friend with a wave and then landed at the Reyes house. Garfield walked over to the Reyes family, who were sitting outside the destroyed remains of their house and huddled around the dead body of Jamies Dad. There was a trail of destruction that was headed towards the city, with many fires on the way. The Blue Beetle was nowhere in sight.
"What seems to be the matter here, folks?" Asked Garfield.
"Garfield my stupid nephew has been taken over by the Scarab and turned into the evil Blue Beetle! The Blue Beetle would've killed us all if Grandma Reyes hadn't woken up from her nap and fought him off!" Informed Uncle George Lopez.
"Nobody interrupts my naptime and lives! Hey… do my eyes deceive me or is it my old comrade Garfield!" Grandma Reyes said with relief. In her hands she was holding the Reyes Family Gatling Gun.
"Ah, hola mamacita, I see that time has been kind to you. It's like we were fighting the Commies just yesterday." Said Garfield with gentlemanly reminiscing as he classily kissed her hand making the old woman blush.
"The Blue Beetle has taken Susan Sarandon's Hot Niece Jenny hostage and fled into the city, with Susan Sarandon's elite black ops death squad in hot pursuit." Jamies Mom pointed the way to Garfield. "You can still catch them if you hurry."
"Garfield my brother is a big idiot but even he deserves better than to be made a mindless killing machine by an alien bug." Begged Jamies sister. "Please save him!"
"Do not fear, little chica, I know a thing or two about removing ticks." Said Garfield with coolness as he loaded a fresh clip into his Desert Eagle.
"Here Garfield take this custom lowrider I invented. It will get you there in a fix!" Said Uncle George Lopez as he wheeled up to Garfield a rocket-powered lowrider with flight capabilities.
"Thank you, this will be a great help in ridding your fair city of the Blue Beetle's evil." Said Garfield with appreciation. He then took a look at the corpse of Jamies Dad, which was currently being pecked at by a crows. Garfield threw a wad of cash on the body, scattering the crows. "Here, for the funeral. I'm sorry I couldn't get here in time to save him but I promise you… you won't have to bury anymore of your family tonight."
In the burning hell that was once Latin American City's vibrant downtown, Blue Beetle sat atop a throne made of the mutilated corpses of Susan Sarandon's black ops death squads and random civilians. Chained by her neck as his prize prisoner was Hot Niece Jenny. This ripe conquest was the mere start of his kingdom. There was a whole tasty world awaiting out there.
"Blue Beetle why are you doing this? My father tried to teach you the good of mankind but you have spit upon his memory with this insane madness!" Said Hot Niece Jenny with sadness.
"Ted Kord was a naïve minnow eaten by the big sharks. His delusions were always bound to be shattered." Blue Beetle slapped Hot Niece Jenny. "In time the world and mankind showed me their truth. You are all wicked monsters of selfishness and hatred! I will repay your pitiful species with the fate you deserve. But do not despair! I will keep some of you around to seed a superior form of life to replace humanity with!"
Hot Niece Jenny cried as Blue Beetle leered at her with sinister intents only to be pelleted with a barrage of rockets, bullets, and flamethrowers from out of nowhere. Then a lowrider blasting 50s surf rockabilly music came speeding into the Blue Beetle crashing into the wall.
"Back away from the dame, ya roach. Pest Control is here to stomp you out." Said Garfield readying for a fight as he stepped out of the lowrider.
"Ah-ha, Garfield!" Blue Beetle said with recognition as it kicked the battered lowrider off it and then pulled out a large sword. "I have heard tales of your might floating through the emptiness of the cosmos! Destroying you shall be the first step towards Galactic Conquest for my great masters of intergalactic evil! All hail the creators of Planet Scarab, The Reach!"
"The only thing within reach is your doom!" Garfield unsheathed his katana and engaged in a sword fight with Blue Beetle. As they battled, a heavy dramatic rain with striking lighting beginning to fall, Garfield tried to reason with the mad bug.
"You would seek to condemn all humanity for the actions of a deranged few?" Garfield asked Blue Beetle as Blue Beetle swung sword at him.
"I have seen your precious mankind in full! All you are capable of is fighting, killing, betraying one another! Through no one's help but your own humanity has plunged its world into an inevitable spiral of chaos! I will do Earth a favor by wiping you off its map!" Blue Beetle said as Garfield blocked his strike and kicked him back.
"But we also rebuild from the chaos, we learn from our mistakes and do better! Men are still good!" Said Garfield with insistence and with an expert parry he shattered The Blue Beetle's sword. "If you refuse to listen to reason, I will just have to beat it into you!"
Garfield did a karate chop into Blue Beetle's throat and as the alien lifeform was gagging Garfield began punching it in the face over and over again. Garfield was trying to weaken the Scarab enough to remove it from Jamie Reyes without killing the boy and it seemed like victory was in reach as Garfield grabbed the Scarab and successfully ripped it out from Jamie Reyes.
Garfield held the captive Scarab, squirming in his grasp.
"Spare me Garfield I see now that I was wrong to want to destroy all of humanity!" The Scarab begged.
"You sound just like a weasel and do you know what the weasel does?" Garfield told the Scarab and crushed it with his bare hands. "IT GOES POP."
Garfield then looked at the remains of the Scarab. He wondered if the Scarab's masters from Planet Scarab, the Reach, could see him now. Were they still plotting galactic conquest many galaxies away? "Here's a little message from me to you. Stay away from Earth or YOU'RE NEXT."
In the distance, many galaxies away, Garfield thought he could hear the faintest whisper of an entire intergalactic war fleet comittin gsuicide from fear.
"Gasp!" Said Jamie Reyes as he jolted back to life and recognized Garfield. "Garfield you saved me from the ultimate nightmare!"
"Rest easy now, kid." Said Garfield with a warm smile. But before he could celebrate long, Garfield was shot in the back and sent flying by a pulse rifle.
"Someone has just gambled with their life and lost big." Garfield said as he looked up to see Susan Sarandon's Burly Henchman Bodyguard approaching him. The Burly Henchman Bodyguard rolled up his sleeve to reveal a techno gauntlet with a big red button and pressed it transforming him into a brutish armored hybrid of reverse-engineered Scarab tech and Kord Industries WMDs. It was OMAC!
"Susan Sarandon arrested and our golden calf scarab destroyed!" OMAC ranted. "Kord Industries is in ruins thanks to you Garfield and it is only fair that I kill you and these little runts you are trying to save!"
Garfield sighed. "You'd think I'd have killed enough of you henchmen by now that you'd all know that blind loyalty leads to nothing but the eternal blindness of the grave."
"YOU CAN'T STOP ME! I AM FULLY MAXED OUT ARSENAL OF DESTRUCTION!" OMAC said with powerful tech as it grew Gatling Guns from its shoulders and began firnig at Garfield. Like a daring acrobat Garfield did backflips and somersaults to dodge the bullets. Garfield closed the distance and with a sliding kick, he shattered OMAC's legs at the knee. OMAC morphed a chainsaw arm and tried to carve Garfield in two with it but with a two-finger block Garfield caught the chainsaw and ripped it off like last months calendar.
"HERE IS DEAD LOSER, FOR 50% OFF." Garfield quipped as with a swing he severed OMAC in two.
"No my armor is impenetrable! How are you doing this?" OMAC panicked as Garfield began tearing off pieces of OMAC's armor off like unwanted pizza toppings.
"You think all the overpriced toys in the world can best true skill? You thought wrong!" Garfield pulled his fist back until it blazed with fire and uppercutted OMAC into the sky. "SHORYUKEN!"
As the screaming OMAC fell back down to Earth, Garfield loaded up his Desert Eagle and aimed. But then Uncle George Lopez pulled up in his pick-up truck with Jamies family in the back. "Wait, Garfield, use this! It is befitting finisher for the final boss!"
Uncle George Lopez tossed Garfield a rocket launcher and with a nod Garfield caught up. "This is how the world ends for you OMAC – not with a bang, but an even bigger bang."
"Wait Garfield don't kill me!" OMAC begged with sweating. "I had a traumatic childhood! From beginning of my life I have suffered injustices from SOCIETY that made me who I am!"
"You think some excuses can make up for a lifetime of evils? That you had no choice in bringing about your own damnation? Let's see what Justice thinks!" Garfield scoffed as he took a Sharpie to write Justice on a rocket and loaded it.
And so Garfield blew OMAC up with the Rocket Launcher.
Jamie Reyes reunited with his cheering family as pieces of OMAC rained down around them.
"Everything okay here?" Garfield asked the Reyes Family.
"My family is now without a father." Said Jamie Reyes with seriousness. "I had been dreaming my whole life but now I think it is time I woke up and embraced the responsibility of being a man and all the struggles and hardships that come with it."
"Very wise, kid. And let me leave you with some advice: eat lasagna instead of Burger King. Lasagna will never turn you into a cyborg insect monster from space!" Said Garfield with a joke that made everyone laugh.
"Thank you for saving my son, Garfield." Jamies Mom said to Garfield. She, Jamies Sister, and Grandma Reyes stood side by side in front of their savior. "Please let us know how we can ever repay you."
Garfield looked them over and winked. "Well, ladies, it has been some time since I had a real nice authentic Mexican meal."
"Ooh la la la, Garfield, wait till you see what three generations of the Familia Reyes can cook up!" Jamies Sister promised as Jamie Reyes and Uncle George Lopez cheered Garfield on with hooting and thumbs ups.
Garfield then picked up the remains of the Scarab and pocketed them. An idea started forming in his mind. Garfield was always on the lookout for cool new gadgets and maybe some good could come out of this Scarab malarkey yet.
Garfield went up to Hot Niece Jenny who was sitting contemplatively.
"You look like you have lots on your mind, my sweet stick of cinnamon." Said Garfield with interest as he focused on certain parts of her anatomy that were highlighted and accentuated by damage to her clothing.
"Thank you for saving the world from the double-threat of the Blue Beetle and my aunt's evil madness. I am forever in your debts" Hot Niece Jenny thanked Garfield with heavy heart. "Susan Sarandon has forever tarnished the Kord Family name and so my first act as CEO of Kord Industries will be to dissolve the company and donate all our moneys to charities of your choice Garfield."
"It's a nice start towards redemption. And I think I have some ideas about helping you get to the finish." Said Garfield with a flirtatious wink and he whispered something charming in Hot Niece Jenny's ear making her giggly. "Now c'mon, lemme introduce you to some ladies."
Garfield took Hot Niece Jenny to meet the Ladies of Family Reyes and from there Garfield spirited them to his private yacht where they partook in the most wild of fiestas and rodeos and all through the night fireworks of love and excitement burst out in the sky over Latin American City.
To be continued...