Garfield League of America 3 Episode Five: Crisis at Flashpoint!
The Flash was running back in time with the intents of saving his Dead Mom from the Murders. "With this baggage lost like luggage at the airport, I will be liberated from the shackles of my past and nothing will hold me back from becoming a Hero Man to surprass even Garfield!"
The Flash then arrived at his house the night his Mom was being murdered. The Flash ran inside his house and saw that an ominous yellow blur with crazy red eyes was about to do the murders to his Mom. With concentration The Flash could see that it was a super-speed Flash just like him but with yellow and red instead of red and yellow in his costume! It was The Reverse Flash!
"Hold it right there Mean Mr Mustard you're about to be cut!" Said The Flash as he zipped towards the Reverse Flash with super-speed fist.
"Do not rush to shenanigans without proper introductions first!" Said Reverse Flash with interruptions as he snatched The Flash by the neck and dangled him. "I am Eobard Thawne the Reverse Flash! I am from the future and I am here to ferry you along on the River of Your Destiny of Greatness!"
"What my destiny?" Gurgled The Flash with choking.
"Yes Barry I am the one who killed your Mother just so it would lead to our meeting in this very moment. All I have done has been in accordance with the will of The Big Zasz - The God of the Speed Force." Reverse Flash said with explanations. "The die is now cast and your part in the game is ready to be played. Can you do what must be done to destroy Garfield and bring about the Age of Speed?"
Reverse Flash then whispered something darkly in The Flash's ear who widened eyes in shock as he heard it but soon was filled with bleak understanding of inevitability. "Yes if that is what must be done to be the Greatest Hero of All Time then I will do it."
"Good! Be seeing you soon, sport." Reverse-Flash sinisterly rubbed his palms and then waved good-bye to The Flash as he disappeared to another point in the timeline. Having successfully interfered in his mother's murder and altered the past, the walls of reality began to break down all around him. And The Flash fell through a white void for what felt like eons until a new world formed around him. The Flash was now in front of his parents house where the sounds of music and smells of cooking were emanating.
The Flash went in and saw his Mom was now alive and his Dad was now a free man.
"Barry I was wrong it seems that changing the past to save your Mom and free me from jail was not a bad idea." Said Harry Allen with changed mind. "The timeline does not seem have been radically altered for the apocalyptic worse."
"That is only because I have not really gotten to cooking yet. But now the heat is on. It's time to bring about the Apocalypse. It will be like a cleansing forest fire from which a mighty new wood will grow!" Said The Flash with crazy leering as he rushed up to his parents and phased through their hearts with vicious fatalities. "Mom and Pop its MILLER TIME!"
"Barry what are you doing you saved me! But now I am dead again by your hand!" Begged His Mom to know why for his betrayal before she died.
"I only saved you so I could kill you myself! Reverse Flash showed me the light. Even if I prevented your murder to rid myself of the baggage of trauma I would then be dragged down by the deadweight of weaklings that is family! My love for you would still hold me back! No to gain the strength to surpass even Garfield I must be the one to prove my worth by severing your pathetic beings from my life myself." Said The Flash with twisted logic. "Die knowing that you were steps in my ascent to Godhood."
"Curse you Barry I always knew you were a monster! But Garfield will slay you like I should've the day you were born!" Harry Allen said with defiance.
"I am greater than Garfield! I am no longer held back by such contrived concepts of weakness like love and friendship. A True Hero has the will to kill what they love!" The Flash laughed with evil as he shook his parents corpses around so fast they were vaporized from existence and as he did he could feel the Speed Force absorbing their lifeforce to transfer their essence into him like calories in a burrito.
"I knew you could write off your parents from existence. And with each life we write off for the Speed Force our power increases and Garfield's decreases." Said Reverse Flash as he sped in with applause. He then gave The Flash a piece of paper with a list of names dates and instructions. "You have learned you can alter your own story. Now its time to alter all the stories. All of reality is our plaything and we are not putting anything back in the box!"
"Already Garfield will be powerless to stop us! This war was won yesterday!" The Flash and Reverse Flash laughed maniacally.
Meanwhile Garfield was at his manor's dojo training in karate while heavy metal music blasted from the speakers. Garfield was wearing his American flag headband and blackbelt with no shirt leaving his glistening mass of massive muscles on full shining display while he smashed burning bricks with his fists and blasted punching bags into nothingness with his high velocity kicks.
"This has been an excellent workout but bricks and bags are nothing compared to training my fists upon actual flesh and blood of criminality." Said Garfield forgoing toweling off as he had done all this without breaking a sweat. "Before I get to the real exercise it is time for breakfast the most important meal of the day."
Garfield went to his office where his secretary Wonder Woman had prepared for him a heaping pile of lasagna pancakes with Bolognese syrup.
"I wonder what is on the agenda today." Garfield wondered aloud as he puffed on his morning cigar and read the Morning Paper.
"Today is your interview with a prospective young lady student, Barbara Gordon the Batgirl." Informed Wonder Woman as she did her nails.
"One of the Bat's brats? Hmm, very intriguing. Alright, send her in." Ordered Garfield as he finished his breakfast. Wonder Woman buzzed on the intercom and in walked Batgirl. Batgirl was very nervous in the presence of a legend like Garfield.
"Hello Garfield I have heard a lot about you. My training under Batman has hit dead end and I am hoping that you could be helping me become the best superheroine a girl can be." Said Batgirl with nervousness.
"Brown sugar, I can definitely help you become that and then some." Said Garfield with a wink as he cracked his knuckles as he eyed Batgirl from head-to-toe with ogling. "I think as good a place to start as any is an oral exam."
"Whatever you say Garfield. You are the master and I am the student." Batgirl nodded with dutiful obedience. Batgirl got down on her knees and began to undo Garfield's pants with her teeth.
"Ah I see that you have a way with words even at such a young age. Impressive indeed. Now the mic is yours." Said Garfield with a grin as Batgirl opened wide and inhaled and began sucking. Batgirl established a steady yet strong pace, avoiding repetition of words and run on sentences as she tried to solve Garfield's tongue-twisting quiz. "If you said you weren't already a pro at this I'd say you were being too modest."
"Thanks! Garfield you taste of the sweetest fairground candy!" Said Batgirl with muffled appreciation. But all of a sudden, Batgirl stopped sucking like the Chicago Cubs in 2016 and her lips slid off of Garfield like a scoop of melting ice cream on a plate. "Aaaaaiaeeeegh!" Batgirl screamed as she clutched herself and began thrashing all over.
"Batgirl! What is wrong?" Said Garfield with concern.
"Aaaaahh Garfield I don't feel so good!" Batgirl reached out for Garfield buti t was too late as to Garfield's great horror Batgirl suddenly froze in place like she had become stuck in time. Batgirl's colors then began to fade and her form simplified until she was nothing but an ambiguous black smudge of an outline. And then, what was Batgirl blew away like dust in the wind.
"What." Garfield blinked. He then heard sinister laughter from behind. Garfield threw a spinning backfist only for the evil intruder to dash away with super speed.
"Hello Garfield. I hope Batgirl's sudden exit did not leave you feeling blue." Reverse Flash materialized with taunting.
"What have you done to Batgirl?" Garfield demanded to know as he whipped out his Desert Eagles and fired at Reverse Flash. Reverse Flash hooted as he danced around the bullets and swatted them back at Garfield.
"Hrrrgh!" Garfield grunted quite manly as the bullets thudded back into him. With concentration, he huffed and puffed the bullets out of his body and they clattered onto the floor.
"It's quite simple, you lasagna-huffing moron – As taught by our Dark Elder God of Speed The Big Zasz we have used Batgirl's life for a write-off! She is gone and there is no getting here back!" Reverse Flash mocked Garfield. "And she is but the first in a line of falling dominos that shall culminate in your grand destruction!"
Garfield then heard screaming from Wonder Woman's desk. Garfield tried to run to her only for Reverse Flash to trip him. Garfield could not believe what had happening – speedsters were never faster than him but somehow Reverse Flash had gotten the drop on him. Garfield deduced that his foe was somehow harnessing the stolen lives to empower the Speed Force.
"Aieeee! Save me Garfie" Wonder Woman reached out to Garfield only to turn into nothingness and fade away just like Batgirl.
"Noooooooooo! Now you have unchained the beast!" Garfield concentrated and harnessed his inner rage. With a pinpoint strike he tore into Reverse Flash's chest and ripped out his heart. "Your reign of terror ends here."
But even as Garfield crushed the heart and Reverse Flash's body crumpled, Garfield heard Reverse Flash's laughter and to his shock Reverse Flash materialized in front of him again.
"Foolish Garfield! You think mere physical notions of life and death bind me? Not with the limitless force of Speed!" Reverse Flash laughed.
"Then I guess I'll just have to keep killing you until you stay down." Garfield rolled up his sleeves and prepared to lay down vengeance upon Reverse Flash only for the Yellow Coward to zip out of Garfield's reach every tmie Garfield came close.
"The Speed Force is assaulting you on all fronts of reality in a new temporal hot war!" The Reverse Flash waved goodbye like a little stinker. "Just lay down and accept that you've lost Garfield."
"Famous Last Words. Let me have a friend of mine take them down." Garfield grabbed a rocket launcher and blew Reverse Flash up. But the catharsis was fleeting for as predicted Reverse Flash ran in alive again and flipped Garfield off before running away hooting.
Garfield ran went to his garage where he stored three hundred high-end classic muscle and luxury sports cars plus one-hundred and fifty super-speed motorcycles. There he hopped into his famous Red Corvette and drove to the Batcave where his friends Batman and Superman were.
On the way there Garfield was treated to a buffet line of horrific sights. The Apocalypse was now, skies had turned red with endless lightning and all around Garfield places and people were blinking in and out of existence or shifting radically before his very eyes. Garfield could feel his own memory struggle to keep its grip on the truth as multiple cognitive alternate what-ifs began struggling for objectivity.
"Someone is making a mess of my world. The only thing I can do is make an even bigger mess of their face." Said Garfield with vengeance. "Time to get the Justice League together."
"Here Garfield take this before you go!" Said Jon Arbuckle with preparations as he ran up to Garfield's Red Corvette. As Garfield rolled down the window Jon Arbuckle gave Garfield a box containing a cyborg super belt. "This is experimental super weaponry! Our scientists working from your blueprints combined that Scarab you killed in Chapter Two with those dead symbiotes from your marvelous multiverse adventure a few months back! Their evilness had been purified with the finest in lasagna tech and science to now serve you!"
"Thank you for the reminder my old friend. But with Batman and Superman on my side I figure I will only need this belt in the direst of emergencies." Said Garfield with self-confidence.
"You got it, Garfield! Now drive off and save the world once more! I will hold the fort down until then!" Said Jon Arbuckle with a salute. Garfield used his chi to absorb the belt into himself for summoning if he actually needed it. But as Garfield drove off he figured he could get by with just his manliness and a little help from his friends.
However when Garfield got to the Batcave there was a strange sight on the couch where Batman and Superman were in the last chapter. Batman was now a much older Batman with grayed out and thinning hair, but instead of Superman there was now a stunning yet sullen black-haired babe wearing a Superman costume but for girls. Somehow Batman had been aged up and Superman had been turned into a Supergirl. They were now watching the moviefilm Freddy Got Fingered for wholesome comedy and heartwarming story with valuable moral lessons.
"Batman, Superman, what in Lasagna's name happened to you two?" Said Garfield with confusion though he had to admit that there was something about a sexy chick in a Superman costume.
"Hello Garfield. It appears that The Flash has gone insane and has teamed up with the Evil Reverse Flash to meddle with the timeline. He is switching many zeros to ones and ones to zeros in the past and as you can tell that is having drastic effects upon the present. For example I now became Batman twenty years earlier in the timeline." Batman explained with mathematics.
"And I, Kara Zor-El, was sent to Earth instead of my cousin Kal-El. I guess he's dead now or something." Supergirl shrugged.
"The Flash? I knew that annoying red bastard had something to do with this. But how did he escape that prison I put him in? I must go and investigate." Said Garfield with planning. "Come Batman, let us be off to Iron Heights Prison."
"I am sorry Garfield but I don't feel like it. My back hurts and I want a nap." Said Batman with elderliness.
"Just when I was starting to like you. Damn, I hate it when someone that's not me alters the timeline for their own gain." Garfield sighed as Batman dozed off.
"Alright then, look like it's just me and you old friend." Said Garfield with cool style as he flexed his muscles and kissed his fist. Garfield went back to his Red Corvette and was about to turn the ignition on when Supergirl ran up to him and banged on the front window for attentions.
"Wait Garfield please take me with you I promise to be helpfuls!" Said Supergirl with pleading.
"Sorry lolly pops but the dangerous war I am about to fight is a Man's Burden. And it is as clear as Crystal Pepsi that you are a SuperGIRL not a SuperMAN." Said Garfield with truths.
"Please Garfield I know I may not be a man or as powerful as Superman but I still pack a punch meaner than Blue Meanies." Said Supergirl with girl power. "And just like my famous cousin I love Truth Justice and the American Way."
"Hmm, do you also hate Communism?" Asked Garfield with an important question.
"Do I ever!" Said Supergirl with enthusiasm. "Communism is what blew up Krypton! It is a greater threat to the Universe than Global Warming!"
"Ok, you're hired." Said Garfield with acceptance. "But be a good girl and do exactly as I say."
"You got it Garfield!" Said Supergirl as she hopped into the shotgun seat and put her seatbelt on for safeties. Supergirl then got mischievous streak in her eyes. "Y'know Garfield, there is one thing I do know that Kal-El doesn't."
"Is that so? Tell me, will this help me in the perilous battles to come?" Asked Garfield with curiosities.
"Yes Garfield I will help clear your mind and body of all stresses. Unlike Kal-El who was baby when he left Krypton I was rowdy teenage girl ripe as a peach. I have studied many of the ancient secrets of Kryptonian bedroom pleasures. When I am through with you you will be ready to shine on the battlefield like a Tiger made of Diamond." Explained Supergirl with exotic intrigues.
"You had my interest, now you got my attention. Tell me, Kara, you know how to drive stick?" Said Garfield with a wink as he unzipped his fly.
"Do I ever! I won the Argo City Stiff Racing Competition three years in a row. I beat off Very Loaded Rivals to do so. Get ready to fly like an eagle in your mind." Said Supergirl with promises as she dutifully leaned over and placed her head face-down in Garfield's lap and began to suck exhaust as Garfield's powerful Ferrari engine stirred to life like the Jaguar hunting in the midnight jungle.
"I do love me a pleasure cruise." Said Garfield as he slid in a cassette labeled Classic Power Rock Ballads. Cherry Pie by Warrant played as Garfield drove off into the night, ready to hunt down The Flash and bring him to justice the only way he knew how: hard and with a vengeance.
To be continued…