Garfield League of America Episode Interlude: The Strange Life of Wally West!
It was evening and the man called Wally West The Flash was out at the bowling & dance club with his cool homosexual friend Pied Piper who knew a thing or two about pipes and then some. Wally West was hitting perfect strikes with no spares as he spun the balls down the lanes.
"Woooo I am out of prison and I am in good moods! I am the King of Bowling Bowl!" Said Wally West with celebrations. Wally West's new super-speed powers had given him unique new perceptions of the workings of phsyics and the passage of time that were helping him ace the scores in bowling.
"Lets' see if you can beat Garfield's Bowling Record!" Pied Piper said with ornery challenge.
"Beat Garfield? You are on!" at first Wally West eagerly jumped into the challenge and struck down several pins ten at a time but right as he was about to set new world record he seized up. He knew that Garfield knew his face, his name, and probably where he lived too. He didn't know why but Garfield was suspecting him for the crimes of someone called Barry Allen. Wally West didn't know who that was or why he had gone to bed one day and woken up next morning in a jail cell with super speed powers and a superhero costume but he sure didn't want the answers to be at the end of a rope. But Garfield was a hero and heroes do not kill people for bad reasons so as long as Wally West did not give Garfield a good reason to kill him he was safe. Best to be on the safe side.
"Whoopsie! Gutter Ball!" Said Wally West with fumbling as his last bowling ball pathetically and deliberately traveled into the gutter right as threw it. Wally West looked at a disappointed Pied Piper and could only shrug.
"Wally West stop playing with balls and dance with me!" Demanded Wally West's goth girlfriend with died magenta hair Frances as she grabbd and dragged him to the dance floor. As they danced a rhythmic tango, the DJ began to play Eye by The Smashing Pumpkins.
"What is wrong Wally West? You are slacking like the free-loader in high school group project!" Frances crticized with irritance. "You normally dancing like there are ants in your pants!"'
"I am sorry Frances my purple pumpkin spice lover but I think we should take some indefinite time apart. I am just not feeling crazy goths anymore." Said Wally West with anvil dropping confession. "My life is now running at new speeds and it has changed how I seeing everything. And frankly it showed me being near you is like being drawn to a fate of decay by a magnet of mediocrity."
"Waaah! How can you say such horrible things to me your girlfriend!" Said Frances as she ran out of the club with crying break-up tears.
"I am sorry Babe but Flash Fact: the sooner these things get done and over with the better." Wally West said with no regrets as he zipped back to the bowling lanes with resumption of games. After the games were done and the party was winding down, Wally West ran to his home all the way on the other side of town in a mere few seconds.
"The Speed Force is amazing! Never again do I have to stress about traffics and parking!" Said Wally West with glee as he plopped down in his bed in his room.
At that moment Wally West's Dad stuck his head in through the door. "Hey Wally West your girlfriend just called with weeping and cursing of your name."
"Ex-Girlfriend, pops." Said Wally West with corrections.
"Another one? Well can ya move out if you're planning to be breaking hearts like the serial killer?" Wally West's Dad requested. "It is bad enough that your Mom is still heartbroken Garfield killed her old lover Fidel Castro the other day. I am drowning in her tears every night do I really have to deal with your baggage on top of that?"
"Whatever Dad. Stop being so gay." Said Wally West with outdated terms of insult but he thought he was allowed to use it cause he had a cool homosexual friend as he looked at his phone with ignoring of his Father. As Wally West's Dad left in frustration Wally West did think about how he was now one less girlfriend than he was this time last night. He might as well begin looking for a replacement tomorrow.
The next day Wally West was at his mechanic job at Jay's Auto Shop. Wise Old Head Mechanic Jay Garrick looked at Wally West with pride as Wally West used super-speed to fixed unprecedented amounts of cars with wrenches and screwdrivers.
"I always was top employee but with the speed force I am star employee!" Bragged Wally West to himself as he restored a dented clunker into a shiny new vintage. Other Mechanics in the shop applauded and cheered Wally West on as he cut away at the backlog like General Sherman Marching in the South.
"You are a talented lad Young Wallace. Surely you should be doing bigger and better things with your life than fixing cars with dusty old fossils like us?" Jay Garrick asked with prodding.
"I dunno, Old Man. Maybe all a guy like me needs in life is enough to make comforts with, and a few cool dudes to share it with. What would await me at the top anyways? It'd be fun at first but it'll eventually be just Boredom and emptiness, I bet." Said Wally West with modesty.
At that moment, a sleek Black Cadillac pulled in. Out stepped one of Wally West's regular customers, notorious Gotham City ex-pat crime boss Roman Sionis the Black Mask!
"Wow Black Mask another premium ride dropped off for a tune-up? You are here every week I swear." Wally West asked with expectations.
"Well, Friend Wallace, you ought to know even more than I that a fine car's like a fine lady – you got to treat her right less she get bloated and saggy. And you are the best mechanic in America at making these little lady birds sing like new." Said Black Mask with compliments. "Now can I expect you to have her up and running by sunset?"
"Yeah, yeah, should be like as easy as microwave dinners." Said Wally West with no sweat. But then he looked past Black Mask towards the Black Cadillac and saw something that made his heart skip a beat and all a-flutter as Lou Reed's cover of This Magic Moment began to play on the radio.
It was a hot Korean woman in a sexy black dress, walking out of the car all ladylike with hands on her purse.
"Wow thought Wally West as his heart began to pound with Caucasian Orientalism at the sight of the Korean Beauty in his presence. "I never noticed it before but Chinese girls are Pretty."
"Hi there, cinnamon stick. I'm Linda Park." Said Linda Park with introductions. "What's your name?"
"H-h-hi Wally West, I'm I'm Linda!" Said Wally West with awkward tongue making Linda Park giggle seductively. "Oops! I meant Hi Linda, I'm Wally West!"
"Now now Lindy Cindy, what did I say about fraternizing too muc with the help? It gives them the wrong kinds of ideas and I want Wallace thinking clean thoughts while he's working on my favorite car." Black Mask interrupted as he led Linda Park away to a black Mercedes-Benz that was now pulling up. But it was too late because Wally West's heart was pounding lik the deep-sea flounder at the dance-off. His eyes were glued to Linda Park and the way her hair and no not just her hair her whole her moved when she moved. He waved good-bye hoping she saw from the backseat as Black Mask entered his Mercedes-Benz and drove off.
Later in the afternoon Black Mask returned to pick up his Black Cadillac. As Wally West handed him back his keys, Black Mask waved two extra Benjamins in his fingers in front of him. "Enjoy the tip I gave you? What if I gave you a little extra if you rode with me and listened to a neat little business proposal I have?"
"Can I do this? My shift is not over yet?" Wally West looked over to Jay Garrick who was over at his desk with his legs up on the table as he read a newspaper while smoking on his pipe.
"Son, the first step to manhood is learning how to make your own decisions. We old dogs had our fun, now you young pups ought to have your turn with the world." Jay Garrick said with wise wisdom of the elderly. "Now if you don't mind I must catch up on the Football. I hear Messi is being traded to the Jets."
"I'll take that as a yes." Said Wally West with a shrug as he got into Black Mask's Cadillac shotgun seat as two of Black Mask's henchmen sat in the back with sternness. Soon they were driving out of the city and down the highway.
"Wally West, you are the best damn mechanic this side South of an Indian Taco Joint. I can feel the engine howl like the chimpanzee! How would you like to start making the big bucks as my personal mechanic? As a valued member of the Sionis Family I would make sure you have top-notch healthcare including dental and vision at low premiums and two whole weeks of paid vacation time." Black Mask said with tantalizing offer.
"Uh, what's the catch?" Wally West asked even though he was quiet tempted.
"Well, I may need you to use your newfound other talents…" Said Black Mask as he twiddled his fingers sinisterly. "…to fix company problems of a non-mechanical nature. But I'm sure you're used to getting your hands dirty, grease monkey."
"Woah, Black Mask, are you suggesting I use my new superspeed powers to help you do Evil? But that is bad!" Said Wally West with aghast. "I thought you were cool for a criminal!"
Black Mask chuckled. "Come now, Wallace. You have been brainwashed by the Lamestream Media into thinking that Evil is Evil and Good is Good. When in fact it is Evil is Good and Good is Evil."
At that moment, an annoying tailgater in a White Tesla that had been behind them for several good minutes now honked with anger. Black Mask sighed rolling down the window and motioned the tailgater to pass. As the tailgater passed he flipped off Black Mask with one more angry horn honk.
"Ah, bloody tailgaters. Hate 'em. Still, I think this is the perfect opportunity to demonstrate to you the perks of being a bad guy." Said Black Mask with bright sides to Wally West.
"Uh, what do you mean?" Wally West asked not likin gwhere this was going.
"You see, if I were good, I've just have to bend over and take this disrespect. But since I'm evil…" Black Mask laughed as he hit the pedal to the metal and went to MAXIMUM HORSEPOWER. "I CAN DO THIS!"
Black Mask ran the White Tesla off the road. Black Mask stopped the Black Cadillac and he and his goons got out with crowbars.
"What the fudge? Are you fudgers crazy?" The Tesla Driver demanded to know as he stumbled out of his Tesla.
"Do not think to judge us you tailgating fool! You think you own the road? Wrong sharing is caring so let us share this wisdom with you!" Said Black Mask as he and his men beat the Tesla Driver with crowbars causing great blood spurts and bone fracturing.
"Owieowieowie please stop I learned my lesson!" The Tesla Driver begged with one eye dangling out its socket as his nose was nearly sheared off.
"I'm sure you did we just saw you don't have a very thick skull but it's never hurts for extra credits in learning!" Said Black Mask as his men held the helpless Tesla Driver up and Black Mask began kicking him like Benny the Jet first in the ribs then all over. Black Mask took out a switchblade and proceeded to cut off the beaten scoundrel's ear just like in Reservoir Dogs. Black Mask, in a mocking rage, ranted into the severed ear. "Don't tailgate! Don't you ever flipping tailgate! You think if I had to make an emergency stop all of a sudden there wouldn't be a collision of demolition? Do you know how many flippin' drivers a year are killed on the highway cause of dumb asshole flippers like you?"
Black Mask's goons hoisted the Tesla Driver's mouth open and Black Mask shoved his severed ear into his mouth and forced him to chew and swallow like it was a big Flintstone Vitamin. "Motherflipper you better get yourself a manual and learn how to drive or else I'm gonna drive ya into the grave!"
The crying Tesla Driver weeping both tears and blood nodded as what was left of his jaw threatened to fall off. With motioning, Black Mask ordered his men to toss the Tesla Driver into the trunk of his Black Cadillac. "Alright boys, when we get home, take this schmuck to Mr. Zsasz (author's note: No relation to The Big Zasz) to see if he can pass his final exam."
"Jesus!" Wally West remarked as he saw the Black Mask goons push the Tesla over a cliff edge to explosions and Black Mask got back in Driver's Seat.
"Wrong, Wally. It's Roman." Said Black Mask as he and his men all pulled out Glocks and looked at Wally West very expectantly. "Now, kid, I am ready to offer you the job and get you started today. What do you say? You have five seconds to decide and three have just passed."
The next day Wally West was at Black Mask's manor listening to music on the radio and working on fixing cars in the crime boss's private garage. Wally West briefly looked up to see the freaky Mr. Zsasz whistling to himself as he dragged a big bloody sack to the kitchen. Wally West shuddered and looked away when Mr. Zsasz steered at him with a lleering grin like he was a juicy rare steak.
"Well maybe it was a mistake in the heat of the moment to say I was gonna give Evil a chance but I can't deny it this is some Good Health Insurance." Said Wally West trying to find upsides as he looked at the benefits card Black Mask gave him upon his hiring.
At that moment, the radio station he was tuned into began to play China Girl by Iggy Pop. Wally West looked back up to see Linda Park looking at Wally West with some kind of wanting. Instantly Wally West's young mind travelled to lustful places of unkempt fantasy. Wally West then saw his reflection in a car's side mirror. Embarrassed, he shoved a rag in his face. Getting grease all over it.
"Uh Hi Linda Park My nose is not bleeding because I am horny I uh walked into a Pipe just now." Wally West stammered with quick excuses.
"Hello Wally West that is plausible excuse. I notice you have been working all day. How about stepping out with me for some lunch?" Linda Park asked trying to hide her blushing as she noticed oddly placed wrench in his pants. "I have something I am needing to be telling you with urgencies."
"Oh boy is it about how you find me irrestible specimen of manhood and want to bear half-speedster children with me?" Wally West assumed with presumptions.
"No." Linda Park and Wally West stared at each other with awkward silence for a couple minutes before she chastised him. "Come on sport don't assume you can just hit a grand slam to cover all the bases when you haven't even proven you can whiffle-ball."
Despite this gaffe Linda Park still took Wally West to lunch and let him choose the venue. They were having a pleasant lunch at the Korean BBQ place run by Mexicans. Wally West had done Google the night before and with grave embarrassment at his initial assumptions found out the type of Asian Linda Park actually was. Linda Park then revealed something startling to Wally West.
"Wally West I am entrusting to you in confidence this top secret information because you are a outsider just like me." Linda Park started revealing startling things. "I am not actually Black Mask's new Korean trophy wife I am actually undercover reporter for the journalism paper trying to get the dirty dirt on this Gotham miscreant moving into our fair city. And I want you to help me."
"Woah that is a shocker of a twist!" Said Wally West with excitement. "I am feeling like I have just gone into the spy movie set!"
Linda Park took out several hidden mics and cameras from her purse. "Wally West you have easy access to all of Black Mask's cars and you know them inside and out better than anyone. Will you set these up for me?"
"Hmmm…" Wally West considered things. "Well it does sound very dangerous what if Black Mask finds out and really puts the hurt on me? I would not like that."
"For every five cars you bug I'll let you fondle my breasts for two seconds." Said Linda Park with enticing offer. "Bug all his cars and I might even let you take me out on a date where you can hold hands with me in public."
"You got a deal!" Said Wally West as he and Linda Park shook on it.
"Man oh Man I have scored the big one!" Said Wally West with glee After lunch as he used his super-speed to bug all the cars in no time. As soon as the last car was bugged Wally West got a ding on his phone. It was a Text from Linda Park with detes for the date. Wally West then went home at the end of his shift more eager than the beaver.
Later that night Wally West was sneaking out of his bedroom all ninja like to go back to Black Mask's house for his secret rendezvous. However as soon as he stepped into the living room the lights went on like Christmas at the Griswold's. Wally West's Mom and Dad were both sitting and looking at him.
"Okay what is this meant to be?" Wally West asked with questions.
"Son, you know it's been a weird time since you woke up one day in prison with superpowers. Your Mom and I have been hearing of the things you have been getting up to since and we are increasingly alarmed by the day." Said Wally West's Dad with seriousness.
"Wallace, my boy, this is an intervention." Wally West's Mother added with nodding.
"This is because I'm working for a criminal crime boss now aren't I?" Said Wally West of his first thought.
"No that man may be a criminal but unlike banks and politicians at least he is honest about it. And besides he gives you good health insurance. It is something else that concerns us." Said Wally West's Dad with graveness.
"It is about that Female Woman you are now seeing. Seriously, boy-o, we raised you better than that!" Wally West's Mom broke the ice.
"Whaaaaaat? In this day and age you two think its okay to say things like that?" Wally West reacted with distress.
"Now before you get all on our case, we do not disapprove of you seeing her because she is a different race than you." Wally West's Dad importantly clarified. "No we disapprove of you seeing her because SHE IS A JOURNALIST!"
"You cannot trust the wielders of the written word for any meager Shinola! Journalists are the biggest threat to America, even more than inflation." Wally West's Mom said with warnings.
"Well you can bake those warnings into a pie and eat them because I'm not listening to you! I have superpowers now Mom and Dad I dno't have to listen to either of you ever again!" Said Wally West with impudence as he sped out of the house with his super-speed. On the way out he skidded to a stop when he saw his Ex Girlfriend Frances ahead storming up. Frances reached Wally West and threw several polaroids of him with Linda Park at him.
"You sleazy jerk! Do you know how lucky you were to have goth girlfriend with magenta hair? You really think that [CENSORED] Linda can compare? Come back to your senses Wally snap out of your yellow fever!" Raved Frances with accusations as she ripped her top off. "I'll let you fondle them for three seconds, that's one more second than two!"
"No way your bosom is like a punctured and deflated tire! If loving Linda means I'm sick then I won't wanna get better." Wally West cruelly dismissed Frances as he brusquely shoved past her, leaving her raving and crying as his parents ran out of his house behind him.
"Come back Wally it's not too late!" Wally West's Mom implored but all words fell on deaf ears.
"Okay no more delays." Wally West activated his Flash suit and ran with urgencies to Black Mask's house. But upon going inside Wally West came across a troubling sight.
Mr. Zsasz had taken Linda Park hostage with a knife to her throat!
"You stay right there until Black Mask gets back from the opera Wally West." Said Mr. Zsasz with orders. "I have already phoned and he knows all about you and the woman and your plan. How could you betray his trust you little punk? Especially after he gave you health insurance PLUS vision and dental?"
"Well she said I could fondle her breasts." Said Wally West sheephishly.
"That's no excuse! Heterosexuals, I swear!" Mr. Zsasz said disgustedly. "Soon you dimwitted simpleton it will be time to pay the piper."
"WRONG IT'S MILLER TIME!" Said Wally West with abruptly. The words came out of his mouth but Wally West did not recall choosing to say them yet he did. And then he felt something within him winding up as the Speed Force kicked in. And all went black briefly.
When Wally West had regained his consciousness, he was standing in front of Linda Park. Both of them were agape and covered in blood. It was not their blood. Wally West looked around and saw that biets and pieces of Mr. Zsasz were strewn about everywhere and his blood had splattered the entirety of the room like an abstract art project.
"What just happened? It was like the Speed Force took control of and resolved the situation for me!" Wally West wondered of the peculiarity.
"Oh Wally West you saved me!" Said Linda Park with gratitude as she threw herself into his arms and whispered into his ear. "For this I can speed things up a bit. I know a great empty cabin all the way out in the desert where no one will find and bother us for the weekend."
As Wally West picked Linda Park up in his arms and began running to the desert crossing state lines with speed, Linda Park asked him a question with curiosities. "Hey what is Miller Time?"
"I don't know that is the weird thing. Is it referring to Miller Lite Beer? I do not even like real beer I much prefer root beer." Said Wally West with confession. "Ooh ah all this thinking is making my head hurt."
"Then I got just the remedy for your ailment." Said Linda Park as she took her top off and jiggled her breasts at Wally West. "Think you can swallow the whole dosage?"
"Yes oh yes." Said Wally West as they arrived at the cabin. Before he could even make it inside the Cabin Linda Park pounced on Wally West with unchecked heat and they went tumbling with untamed passions into the warm sands neath the dark obsidian skies of night.
"I cannot hold it in anymore, Wally! Let us do it like animals on the Discovery Channel!" Said Linda Park getting real horny now. Linda Park clawed at Wally West rendering his Flash costume into shreds.
"Okay baby-kins but I gotta warn you just cause I'm a redhead don't mean I'm a lesser panda in bed I'm a Giant!" Wally West said with bragging as he tore off his pants and his Junior sprang out at full length making Linda Park's eyes widen. Like the archaeologist uncovering an ancient ruin filled with artifacts and treasures Linda Park gently examined Wally West's love sausage with tender fingers of rubbing. Setting the mood, Song to the Siren began to play.
"Drive your choo-choo into my tunnel of love!" Linda Park demanded with lust as she spread her legs open wide and with beaming grin Wally West complied jamming it in making Linda Park gasp with oohing.
For many hours Wally West and Linda Park made rough passionate love in the desert sands, kicking up storms of dusts with their bodily motions and drowning out even the coyotes with their screams of saucy romance.
"Whew that sure was something." Said Wally West as he and Linda Park took a breather from their intensive festivities.
"You better get yourself ready for Round Two. Because the Kiddie Gloves are coming off." Linda Park promised with seduction as she got to her feet. "Now if you excuse me I will be taking a shower."
Linda Park went to the cabin door, turning to blow a kiss at Wally West, before she headed inside.
"Come on Linda you don't think after everything we just been through that I'm going to let you shower alone am I?" Wally West said sassily as he followed Linda Park to the cabin only to see a startling sight once he was inside.
Linda Park was nowhere in sight! Instead Wally West saw a most horrifying sight: A Mystery Man of large girth and Mexican ancestry, holding a video camera in his hand.
"Heh heh heh…" The Mystery Man laughed as he saw Wally West and began filming.
"Who the blazes are you? What have you done with my Linda Bear?" Demanded Wally West for answers.
"Heh heh heh…" But the Mystery Man only kept laughing. At that moment, Wally West's phone rang. His heart starting to tremble Wally West took the call.
"Hiya Wallace." It was Black Mask on the other end of the line. "All those things you did? You really shouldn't have done them."
"Black Mask! You criminal scum! Where's Linda?" Said Wally West with cellular interrogations.
"Linda? Did you really think her name is Linda, that there ever was a Linda? Tell me Wallace, do you remember your Aunt Iris? Linda Park, Iris West, have you ever seen the two of them together at the newspaper?" Black Mask said enigmatically.
"My Aunt Iris is dead! Stop messing with my head! Tell me what you did with Linda!" Said Wally West with begging.
"I'm afraid to tell you that there are some questions that will never have answers. Forget Linda. Linda is irrelevant now. What is relevant is that there was a big test and you failed." Black Mask said with even more enigmas. "Now stay on the line I got a friend here who wants to talk to you."
"Heh heh heh…" Came familiar mysterious laughter. Wally West felt great dread as he realized it was the Mystery Man even though the Mystery Man was also right here in front of him. The laughter on the phone and the laughter in front of him were in sync. The heat was on and the sweat was dripping as the cabin began to burn down all around him.
"I wish I could help you, Wallace, I really do. Even though you seemed like a good guy, you really could've been a real bad dude." Said Black Mask with apologies and ambiguities. "But you've sealed your fate. I'd say start running, kiddo, but all you can run towards is inevitability."
"NOOOOOOOOOOO." Said Wally West as panic got the best of him and he fled into the night.
"BUENO!" The Mystery Man's final words boomed and echoed in Wally West's ears as he fled into the unknown.
Wally West was running and running down a deserted highway road with no end in sight until suddenly a yellow boot came out of nowhere and tripped him. Wally West flying and hit the ground with a sickening smack of breaking bones and skidded like nails on a chalkboard to a stop.
Where Wally West's vision cleared, he saw standing above him two men in Flash costumes. One was in red and yellow the other was in yellow and red.
"Who are you and what do you want?" Wally West asked to know. The Red Flash removed his cowl to reveal that he was Barry Allen The Flash.
"I've been looking for you, Wally West. It shouldn't have been Garfield you were worried about it was me!" Barry Allen The Flash proclaimed. "There can only be One Flash! And I'm The Flash here, not you!"
"Why me I do not even know who you are!" Wally West insisted.
The other Flash, the yellow Reverse Flash, laughed in mockery. "In the East, the Far East, when a person is sentenced to death, they're sent to a place where they can't escape, never knowing when an executioner may step up behind them, and fire a bullet into the back of their head."
"Whaaaaaa?" Wally West asked with confusion.
"Reverse Flash told me everything!" Said The Flash with exposition. "How deep down in my subconscious there was a part of me that didn't completely agree with my embrace of evil! And so it split off and took on a life of its own. Created its own world and history. We watched you to determine what sort of Flash you were. Good or Bad. In the end as the walls of your illusion came crashing down you've shown yourself as rotten a bastard as I. And that means I can take you back in and use your Speed Force to empower mine."
"What the blazes does that mean?" Wally West said with fear.
"It's quite simple." Reverse Flash grinned at Wally West with crazy killers teeth. "I am training Barry to be the best hero he can be. And a True Hero has the will to kill what little decency he has left and fully embrace his inner dark. In other words, it's Miller Time."
"I cannot just be the living manifestation of your own guilt! I am me! My own Person! My Own Flash!" Said Wally West with denial as Reverse Flash yoinked him up.
"Truth, lies, what does that matter when ultimately death is absolution!" The Flash took out a knife and stabbed Wally West all over just like Caesar.
"All I wanted was to get laid." Said Wally West with final words before The Flash slit his throat. The Flash watched as Wally West bled out, the complete confusion in the dying man's eyes giving way to the finality of stillness.
Wally West's corpse then dissipated into Speed Force particles, which Barry Allen The Flash promptly absorbed into his own being. "Alright, I can feel the Speed of Force boiling within me just aching to cut loose! More souls, more power!"
"What do you say we put your newfound speed boost to good use and take one more trip back in time?" Reverse Flash suggested. "The Flashes from Other Worlds have finished the bulk of the preparations but I think there's still room to throw one final curveball at Garfield."
The Flash and Reverse Flash laughed evilly before they ran back into the past.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the world, Garfield and his friends had stopped at Olive Garden for the best fancy five-star Italian cooking money can buy. Over breadsticks and lasagna wine Garfield was regaling Batman and Supergirl of his past adventures in manhood, eliciting much praise and laughter.
"Ha ha ha Garfield you have done what the Joker never could and make me laugh for real." Said Batman with high praise. "Hoo boy this is such Gutbuster there's no room left for my Fettuccine Alfredo."
"Rowwwwl Garfield this meatball is hot and spicy. But not as much as your big manly loving last night." Said Supergirl with mouth filled and fulled as she scarfed away at a mountains worth of linguini with meatballs on a platter. She was eating linguini with these meatballs instead of spaghetti because spaghetti is the official pasta of the unimaginative and morally bankrupt such as Garfield's arch enemy Odie. "The taste of fine Italian cooking no matter how gourmet is still no substitute for your full manhood in my mouth."
"Sweetheart, take a good look at this lasagna. It will give you an idea of how I devour you tonight." Said Garfield with flirtatious wink as he ate a big slice of lasagna in a single bite making Supergirl shudder with anticipation.
Garfield then finished his lasagna and let out a satisfied aah. "That was some amazing lasagna. But I am still not full. Looks like I still got room for dessert."
"Hey Garfield how about ice cream sundaes then..." Supergirl said as she stepped onto the table. Keep On Loving You" by REO Speedwagon began to play. Supergirl then then ripped her top off and flashed her breasts at Garfield before smearing hot fudge all over them. "...with extra cherry on top?"
"My Blueberry Nightingale, you knew just what I was in the mood for!" Said Garfield with ravishing as he leapt onto Supergirl. Pinning her with a great slam, Garfield breaking the table. Garfield licked Supergirl's breasts clean and gave the nipples a good suckling like the kraken battling the sperm whale. Garfield then proceed to ravage Supergirl on the floor in and out with his love-infused thrusting, making her scream and hoot as he gave her deep love bites. Seeing Garfield at work all the other patrons and the waiters in the Olive Garden dropped what they were doing to watch and applaud.
"You got her and she's got you I guess this means I'm stuck with the bill." Said Batman with good humor as he took out his Bat Wallet to pay the bill and leave a big tip. With consideration, Batman rounded up the staff and patrons of the Olive Garden and led them outside to give Garfield and Supergirl some privacy.
Garfield held onto Supergirl with his jacked yet tender arms of masculinity and squeezed her so close and so tight to him that Supergirl felt she might become one with him. As she felt the full giant impact of his love inside her, Supergirl lovingly caressed Garfield's orange body with admiration. She knew that she was not alone far from the first in experiencing the ecstasies of this man's loving, and that none of them would ever compare to the love that Garfield felt for his true love of America, but Supergirl did not feel jealousy. Supergirl knew that it was a privilege, a grand prize in of itself, to know what it was to be loved by Garfield.
"That was just the appetizer, sweet princess. Let's spice up the main course for the night." Said Garfield as he took some shakers and began to erotically sprinkle pepper and parmesan all over their sticky love-covered bodies. Garfield and Supergirl then made the most sensual of sexual lovings that let loose a storm in the kitchen for many hours until the dawning of the next day.
To be continued…