AN: Hey everyone! I hate to start out with an author's note but as you will see this is an updated version of the first chapter with more to it. In the summary I said this would be posted in three parts but instead of doing a very short 3-chapter cram story I am going to do three separate installments. I also didn't want those of you who have been following this story to lose progress. Thank you everyone who is giving this story a chance. It really means a lot and I look forward to seeing you all take this journey with me.
Trigger Warnings: There will be reflections of depression, anxiety, and death in reference to storylines in both shows and character development.
I don't have a beta reader and even though I skim through and try to fix as many mistakes as possible I am human and will have definitely missed some more than likely. Please be kind and forgiving if you can :)
Disclaimer: I do not own either show or characters.
Kansas.
He had not been there in years. His parents would take them there when he was a boy to visit family and he could never forget the wide-open spaces. It was far different than California. Sirens did not sound often, unless a tornado was on its way to wreck your day, and you did not have a funk smell of smog polluting the air from the too crowded city.
Out there he felt like he could see for miles. The clean fresh air made him feel like anything was possible and the starry night sky was the closest thing to magic he had ever experienced. Heck, it is where the best memories with his mom were made but Kansas was not his home and the moment the words left his father's mouth, he felt his jaw unhinge and his stomach drop.
"You're going to stay the remainder of the summer and following school year with your Aunt Martha and Uncle Johnathan." This was it, the moment he had been given up on, and it hurt.
Sure, he had gotten into some iffy situations, there might have been a few times he was where he was not supposed to be, and maybe there had been a time he was found in the Sheriff's with an unconscious, undercover, Gerard minion, but that was completely explainable. As were the other poorly timed instances he found himself in. Yet, there was a lot of good that came from those unfortunate times, and even if his dad didn't know it that didn't mean he had to get rid of him like rotten food left in the refrigerator.
What was his plan anyway? To what, ship him off to the middle of absolutely nowhere in hopes his grades would return to their half passing half failing status? Yeah so, Coach did not like his descriptive and highly informative paragraph about a circumcision, but that did not mean he didn't pay attention to the class…whatever it was...Economics? Health? Both? He was fairly sure it was both. That didn't mean he couldn't do better! He had plenty of time to improve considering the school year hadn't even begun yet.
"Dad? Please, don't do this!" Stiles begged as he sank into the chair in his father's office. Sheriff Stilinski looked exhausted and that typically signified that his mind was made up, but Stiles wasn't giving up that easily.
"I'll do better! Improve my attendance, get better grades, focus more on Lacrosse…", he really didn't want to go. Stiles always pushed his limits never afraid at how far was too far mainly because he didn't care, but right here…in this moment…his entire world felt like it was crashing around him.
"I've given you multiple chances, Stiles." His father sounded pained as he spoke and that made it so much more real. "This town isn't safe and after the events a few months ago I can't let you keep going down this path."
A knot of anxiety and guilt rose in Stiles' throat as he relived the Alpha Pack and how he almost lost his father. "Things will be different now. They are different." He mumbled through the memories. "My friends are here, Dad. They need me..." He trailed off as his mind came to a standstill on that sickening night. He didn't see his father's solemn expression, but he didn't need to because he could feel it.
"Your friends need you alive, Stiles. You all have already taken a big loss and I'll be damned if you are next." Sheriff Stilinski held back his rising tears as he looked at his son who he could tell was aching. He wished he could take the pain away, but he couldn't, and he was only doing what he thought was best.
"So, what, Dad? You're just going to ship me off nearly two thousand miles?" Anger was rising inside of him as his first tear sprang loose. "How does that fix anything?!" His voice rose with him as he hauled himself up out of the chair to try and meet his father at eye level.
Like a spring reaction his father met his reaction with an outburst of his own, "I'm just trying to make sure you survive high school, Stiles!" His face was red, and he knew he shouldn't get angry, but this was hurting him too. He loved Stiles more than life itself. He had already lost his wife and there was no way in hell he was going to bury his child too. "Too much has happened, and I will not bury my son because of the weird and unexplained." The words hit hard in both their ears.
"What about you?" Stiles asked in defeat already knowing the answer.
A sigh escaped the Sheriff, "I'm staying." He paused after watching Stile's head drop down, "Even if I wanted to leave the office needs me. We don't have enough deputies as is and finding a replacement for me would take weeks if not months."
He didn't care what came next because he knew it didn't matter so he did all he knew to do. Stiles hardly let his dad finish his sentence before turning and walking out the door. Ignoring the stares that were aimed his way as he walked towards the exit wasn't hard. He was used to people staring at him after an argument with his dad. With his held head high, he left the department before anymore tears could fall.
Out of all the punishments his Dad had to choose the middle of absolutely freaking nowhere to shoo him off to. Granted, it is not the worst place in the world, but that didn't mean he belonged out , this is where he was meant to be. Helping his best friend survive and not get his head ripped off by the next Hunter or nonhuman being that decided to pass through.
Who was going to pay attention to their surroundings while Scott was caught up with his new teenage romance? Don't get him wrong, he liked Kira, and it isn't her fault Scott gets caught up with the normalcy of being a teenage boy, and if he isn't there to look after his best friend then that means, "Oh boy." He mumbled out loud. If he leaves then that means dark and broody sour wolf will take his place and that was a very scary thought.
He could only imagine ditzy Scott being the serious furrowed brow type. His head is up in the clouds more than it is on his shoulders but that didn't mean he needed to be tortured with the ever-moody Derek Hale breathing down his back about how irresponsible he is with his werewolf abilities. Which, Stiles had to admit, Scott was somewhat careless at times. In his slight airheaded friend's defense Mr. Know It Best Hale did willingly give Jackson the bite knowing how smug of a brat the Whitmore kid was.
A sigh escaped him as all the possibilities swirled in his brain, "Kansas?!" Stiles yelled in frustration as he punched his steering wheel, immediately yelping in pain, and shook his hand. He did not know why the thought of returning to the place his parents met was so aggravating. He used to love listening to their story.
The clumsy city girl who wanted a life in journalism and the boy who wanted to escape from his father's shadow. He still couldn't picture his dad as a powerful lawyer rampaging the streets of Metropolis or Beacon Hills. Claudia tripped over who knows what and plowed into Noah sending the wooden crate of corn he was holding onto the pavement and according to them it took one look into each other's eyes to know that it was meant to be.
It was a romantic story of how two people met by chance and Stiles always thought it was cute, he would never admit it though. Cute wasn't going to change the fact that he really did not want to go to the all too famous Kent farm he spent a few summers of his early childhood. Playing with glowsticks and sticks swords with his cousin Clark as if they were superheroes. When his mom got sick, they stopped travelling. His dad's sister Martha would visit often as she could but once his mother's condition worsened visitations became too much for her.
Since then, his dad has buried himself with work and Stiles with Mischief: and although he didn't want to admit it, deep down beneath the hurt and anger, he knew that Smallville has been the escape he has been mentally begging for since the sacrifices started in Beacon Hills. Even that feels like forever, but it had been less than a year ago. His home has undoubtedly become one of the worst places to live and an escape would be a miracle if he were being honest.
Yet leaving those he cares about behind seemed selfish, illogical, and completely wrong. He wanted to fight it, convince his dad for one more opportunity to prove that he didn't have to go, that he could make it work. He knew it was a lost cause though and fighting it was just going to make his dad hurt even more than he already was. It wasn't hard to see the heartache on his father's face back at the department and he didn't want to guilt trip his father any more than he already had. It was all too new for him to accept it though and he knew that he had no other choice than to bid farewell to his friends.
"We can face time every day." Scott had promised him in attempt to lift his spirits but Stiles new that once a week would be pushing it. It wasn't that he didn't believe that his best friend was sincere he just knew how hectic life in Beacon Hills had become. Add that to how forgetful Scott was and it was a recipe for unreliable tendencies.
One week was all he was given to say his goodbyes to everyone he cared about. The clock hands seemed to zoom during that time. Lydia said she couldn't wait to hang out again and Kira reassured him that she wouldn't let Scott get in over his head.
He was shocked that Derek went out of his way to bid him a farewell. It was no secret that the two of them didn't enjoy being in each other's presence but that didn't mean he hated the sour wolf. In fact, he wasn't even afraid of him anymore. Stiles had come to see him as the older brother he never wanted but got anyway. One born out of wedlock and was the bad boy rebellious type, and even if neither one of them would admit it, Stiles knew that secretly they had each other's backs. To leave his home knowing that Derek was looking out for his friends did give him a bit of calm, that isn't a full pass for his dark and broody demeanor though, and the man could learn to smile occasionally.
Stiles knew that one day he would make him break that constant frown but until then he would take his advice to heart and give his new beginning a solid chance. Kansas is not his ideal place, but he knew that it wasn't as bad as Beacon Hills, and if he wasn't afraid of all the what ifs that drove his brain into overtime that he would probably be more ok with the relocation. Yet now that he is back all he can feel is sadness. It's not just a visit this time and as he, and his dad close distance between them and the farm, he feels as his heart sinks further into his stomach. He wished he wasn't being left here. Maybe if his dad were to stay, he would feel less a lone and empty, but there they were...less than 3 hours from arrival and two days until goodbye.
Stiles already felt empty and alone. Despite knowing he would be surrounded by good people he couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't belong there, and it led him to think about his mom. She always loved the farm and when they would come to stay during the summer.
"Do you think mom would have wanted to move here?" Stiles murmured while staring out at the fields and watching the road while he drove.
His dad stayed quiet for what felt like a solid minute before coming out of his thoughts. "She loved this place. Being out here always seemed to fulfill the underlying need for adventure she was always chasing." A slight smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth, "You get that from her, you know?"
Stiles thought about what life might have been if he had grown up here. "Since mom has been gone have you ever considered coming back?" Talking about Claudia was always hard for them so they tended to avoid it but being out here made it difficult to not reminisce about her. Stiles knew how much his dad missed his mom and he could easily see the sadness in his father's eyes.
"Claudia loved the farm: cooking, gardening, mending fences- you name it. We talked about moving here a few times but we didn't want to take you from your friends therefore we kept it as a later option for when you left for college." Noah paused as he took in how different life has become since then.
"Since your mom has been gone, I have pondered coming back. This is where I grew up, Stiles, and knowing how much your mom loved it makes me feel at peace. With crime on a constant rise back home and my work load never ending I could use a new start, but I can't leave my deputies to face an unknown force. My conscious wouldn't allow it."
He looked over at Stiles and pushed a smile through the sadness, "It hurts knowing you are going to me hundreds and hundreds of miles away, but I know that being out here, living on the farm, will be much safer for you. You'll be able to focus on school, get good grades, maybe find a few hobbies you enjoy that doesn't involve chasing monsters. You're a smart kid and I just want to see you succeed." Noah's voice was weak, as if he were fighting back tears, but none slipped."
Silence quickly filled the jeep and for the first time since finding out he was moving to Smallville, Stiles was able to see his father's logic, and it hurt him knowing that he had caused his father more pain by pushing back the way he had. "I know you mean well, Dad, and even though I don't completely agree with your decision, I expect a phone call every day." He smirked attempting to lighten the mood. "Skype once a week."
The Sheriff smiled, "Scott might have to show me how to use Skype but you better call me every day!" He sternly exclaimed looking over at his boy. "I'm going to make it out here as much as I can and fly you home when I can't. I'm really going to miss you, kid."
A sigh slipped out of Stiles, "I'm going to miss eavesdropping on your phone calls, you kicking me out of the station, and I'll even miss arguing with Coach. They don't even have Lacrosse here, dad! What am I supposed to play, basketball? Football? I'd rather not."
Stiles was confused at his dad's sudden outburst of laughter. "You are way too skinny for football. The boys around here are much bigger than back home and they would easily snap you like a toothpick on the field."
Stile's mouth dropped open, "Thanks for the confidence boost, Dad, really appreciate it," he scoffed.
"I'm teasing you, kid, slightly," He chuckled. "Martha said that you would probably love working with Clark and his friend Chloe at the Torch."
"...the Torch?"
"It's their school's paper. Martha said that some of the kids that journal there score internships and sometimes jobs at the Daily Planet. With the way you like to butt into places you don't belong you would probably excel at it." Stiles looked over at Noah pondering the idea and what it would be like.
"Stiles Stilinski, investigative reporter." He grimaced. "Maybe as a hobby." Stiles concluded.
Conversation came easily from then on. They continued talking and laughing while Stiles drove. They were two hours from their destination when they decided to make a quick stop to refuel, grab a snack, and switch up drivers.
Corn rows blurred into his vision and his head gently rolled to the side as he began to wake up. He didn't remember falling asleep. The last thing he knew he was eating pizza combos and sipping on some mountain dew, but here he was watching the sun as it melted into the clouds, getting closer to sinking into the crops.
Stiles eyes open wide as it dawned on him at how long he must have slept for. "You ok?" He heard his dad ask. A leftover crumb that had been clinging to his shirt fell from its resting place when Stiles repositioned himself so he could get himself a drink.
"How much farther do we have?" Droplets of water trickled down the side of his face once he pulled the bottle away and replaced the cap.
"We should be there by dark." Noah glanced over and winced at the brief disappointment plastered on his son's face.
Stiles looked out the window and sighed noticing that nothing but fields surrounding them. "So, like, ten minutes...", he trailed off as the sun continued to sink below the horizon and disappear, "or less."
Pulling into that driveway took them both back several years. Stiles thought about how he and Clark used to run around pretending to be superheroes while their mothers made fresh lemonade and their dads worked together on chores. The memories faded as the jeep rolled to a stop. Martha and Johnathan made their way out the screened door to meet them, warm smiles plastered on their faces, so warm it was contagious, and Stiles felt himself smiling too.
Gentle arms wrapped around him as soon as the jeep door closed reminding him just how much he missed his mother's embrace. "Stiles," Martha's voice filled his ears for the first time in what felt like forever and it encouraged a tear to swell in his eyes, "Look how tall you've gotten!"
"Did I get taller, I'm not so sure, I think you may have gotten shorter." He joked as he pulled her in for another hug, his face getting tangled in her red hair, and his nose welcoming the long-lost scent of home.
An amused sigh hit his ears as she squeezed him a little tighter, "It's so good to see you," Martha's voice had a slight hitch, but Stiles understood, and it was hard for him to hide to knot that had formed in his throat. His emotions were teetering on the edge of overwhelming and it was hard for him to keep them hidden, especially from her.
Martha always looked out for him when he was a kid. If his feelings were hurt, she was always right there to make him feel better, and when his mom became ill, she stepped up and made sure he always had someone to talk to. If she could have been there when his mother passed, she would have, but his mom's condition prevented any visitors. In retrospect it was his fault that they lost contact. Every month she would send a letter, and some sort of nonperishable treat, but after a while Stiles got caught up with filling the void of loneliness that he stopped writing back. She never stopped sending letters though.
"Switch!" He heard before letting go of his aunt Martha and being pulled into strong arms. "Hey kiddo!" Johnathan beamed a smile contagious enough that Stiles beamed too.
The man didn't look to like he had aged a day since the last time he was here. According to his uncle staying busy is what kept you young, and he had never believed it, until now. Maybe the fresh air was better than he thought it would be, that or his uncle had found the fountain of youth, and he knew that wasn't possible...or was it? That he did not know, but what he did know was he had missed Johnathan's laugh, and for the time being everything felt like it was going to be ok.
"Hey Uncle J, long time no see, and yet you don't look a day over 25." He was good at making jokes when he didn't know what to say and needed to break the ice. "Keeping up with the farm like a champ from what I can tell."
Johnathan laughed one of those genuine laughs that gave home a sound and he found himself thinking of his friends back in Beacon Hills. "Clark helps out a lot too, speaking of Clark, he should be back soon. He's always running off to somewhere but he usually makes quick trips. I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do."
Clark, he used to be close with him, but it has been years since they talked last. As kids they were pen pals, but somewhere along the way they stopped, and space has quickly grown between them. His not being here now was a clear indicator of that too. Stiles knew that his Aunt and Uncle would never approve of Clark running off when company was due, yet he felt a sense of relief not having to jump straight into awkward silence, but he also wished he could have gotten it all over with during the initial greetings.
"That's ok, we will have plenty of chances to catch up later," His first fake smile crept onto his face and trembled on his lips in fear his façade would be seen through, "In the meantime I'll just get settled."
His uncle was quick to grab his bags and lead him inside to his new room. Martha was eager to get a hot meal in him the moment she gave him a glance over probably already assuming he didn't eat enough, at least not form the proper food groups. His dad followed ready for some good ol' farm cooking he hadn't had since he could remember when, Stiles couldn't blame him though, because it smelled down right delicious.
Pot roast wasn't something he had often, in fact he hadn't had it since he was here last, but the comfort from the warm hearty meal made settling in a little bit easier, and even though Clark didn't make dinner, or dessert, Stiles was ok putting it off until tomorrow.
For now, he focused on getting his bags unpacked. The empty room filled up fast even though it didn't feel like he had brought much with him. Martha must have asked his dad what his favorite colors and/or things were, because the Iron Man themed comforter was dead ringer for his love of Marvel, and it made him feel like a kid again.
Sleep was hard to find his first night in Smallville.
The bed was comfy, the blankets smelled of fresh linen, the room cozy, but his mind couldn't seem to do anything other than wander. He thought about Scott and how much he was going to miss him. He thought about Lydia Martin, her strawberry blonde hair, and how she unknowingly stole her heart the moment her saw her for the first time. They were only kids back then. Isaac, Kira, Derek all crossed his mind, but when he thought of Allison, that is when the night grew dark.
His heart sank and felt heavy, made him feel numb, so numb that he couldn't bring himself to move. He was left with the haunting memories of the spring. Allison Argent died saving her best friend, the girl he loved, because they tried to save him first. The agonizing pain, that pierced his skull when Lydia released her banshee scream, has never left him. In the back of his mind, it still reverberates around unwilling to let him forget, and unforgiving of the part he played of his friend's death.
The worst part of it all is that they needed her more than they ever did him. His best friend's anchor, Lydia's protector, the only family her father had left, Isaac's first love, and a viable part of the true alpha's pack. She was someone who wasn't supposed to die, at least not that young, especially saving someone as big of a lost cause as Stiles Stilinski. At least that is what he told himself, and even if it wasn't his guilt to carry, he put it upon his shoulders; willingly letting it drag him down.
He had talked about drowning before, you fight until you can't fight anymore, and your body forcibly tries to take in a deep breath only to have your lungs met with water. The pain is unspeakable, the feat you fee leading up to that moment intensifies, and that is what you are left with. You are left sitting alone in a world of blinding darkness and on nights like these the chilling depths haunt you.
His dad said that he wouldn't let him be next, that he wouldn't let the same fate that befell Allison befall him too, and he understood where his dad was coming from, he really did; but how was he supposed to tell his dad there is no escaping looking in the mirror to just be met with the reflection of his demon doppelgänger. What would Smallville do to change the fact that he is the reason so many innocent people died, that he was there for all of it, and ever since he was pulled from his possessor, he has wished death would take him to.
He hoped that his dad was right. He hoped that Kansas would be the answer to him finding himself again. Hope, a word he hadn't used since he hoped his mom would get better, and looking back now hope hadn't ever gotten him too far.
AN: How was it? I tried not to go too dark but this is a story about healing and since it is superman related hope seems to be a good theme too.
Drakena: Thank you so much for your review on the first part! I too look forward to the way Stiles and Lex get along. I have some thoughts about that and I hope you enjoy the direction I take it. Look forward to hearing more of your thoughts :)
-QuirkyQuinjet