Rule by ijnfleetadmiral

15054. MS Queen Victoria, leave the seals alone.

Captain Henry Tangmere had seen a lot during his years at sea. Like many sailors, he firmly believed ships had spirits, and each one had its own 'quirks', if you will. So when the Abyssals showed up and then the shipgirls arrived, he wasn't too surprised to see ship spirits taking human form. Then he started hearing about their 'adventures' while adapting to being human, and was exceedingly thankful he'd gone Reserve and into the merchant branch.

Unlike his old school chum John Collingwood, who'd decided to stick it out and was now Commander of a shipgirl base. Sure, he was dating a gorgeous battleship in the form of HMS Duke of York, but he'd also been on the verge of a breakdown several times.

Especially since the arrival of HMS Nottingham.

But then liners started arriving in the summoning chamber. While everyone was ecstatic at seeing famous ships like Titanic back from the Great Beyond, enthusiasm tempered slightly when it was discovered that – in some cases – liners were 'quirkier' than shipgirls.

Case in point with his own ship, MS Queen Victoria. She was an animal lover, and passengers loved to watch her coo over the various dogs and cats they would sometimes bring with them on voyages. 'Vic' as the crew had affectionately nicknamed her, could usually be found on cuddle duty in the kennels or mingling with the passengers.

But there were always days when Vic's love of animals became a little bit much, such as the time she acquired a scarlet macaw parrot when the ship docked in Rio de Janeiro. The bird had apparently been raised by either a longshoreman or an adult film star, for it had a vocabulary that approached legendary status. Needless to say, 'Petey' was 'adopted' by a departing crewman as soon as the ship reached Bermuda.

The less said about the time Vic 'adopted' the chimpanzee during a layover at Mombasa during a world cruise, the better.

Captain Tangmere knew something was amiss when the Head of Housekeeping, Mrs. Pebworth, came storming onto the bridge. A large, swarthy woman who would not look out of place unloading cargo on the Southampton docks – with a vocabulary and set of lungs to match – she rarely ventured out where passengers could see her, much less came up to the bridge. But she was there now, and looking none too pleased.

"Mrs. Pebworth," Henry greeted her. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

"Captain, she's done it again!" The Housekeeper growled. "Bless that child, she loves her animals, she does, but I'm not cleanin' up after those!"

Henry tamped down the growing sense of foreboding. "What's happened?"

To his surprise, Mrs. Pebworth grabbed his arm and began leading him off the bridge. "It's best you see with your own eyes, sir," she smiled thinly. "Far be it for me to deny you the pleasure."

~~~

The Captain smelled the animals before they got there; it was impossible to hide the stench of raw fish and…other things. They arrived at the ship's Main Entrance to find Vic sitting on the floor cuddling two full-grown seals, both of whom looked incredibly confused (well, as far as seals can look confused). Staff Captain Nigel Hepburn was standing off to the side looking like he was one step away from having a stroke. He saw the Captain and hurried over.

"Sir, she…!" he trailed off, completely at a loss for words.

"Captain!" Vic bounced to her feet. "Aren't they cute?! I named them Frankie and Maude! Can I keep them?!"

Henry was at a loss for words, but Hepburn wasn't.

"No, Miss Victoria, I'm afraid that won't be possible," he replied. "A ship is no place for a pair of seals."

"But how can you say no to this face?!" Vic picked Frankie up in her arms, holding him at eye level to Hepburn.

Hepburn blinked as he looked into Frankie's dark, soulful eyes.

Then Frankie opened his mouth and let out a window-rattling belch. Henry clapped his hand over his nose and mouth in an effort to mask the revolting stench.

Hepburn's hair – what little there was of it – seemed to wilt – along with the rest of him – and he collapsed against the bulkhead.

"BLOODY HELL!" The Staff Captain lurched over to a nearby planter and immediately lost his lunch.

Mrs. Pebworth rolled her eyes at the two men. "Bloody weaklings," she muttered. "It's just rotten fish!"

Henry glowered at the housekeeper, then turned to Vic, who was looking at the still-retching Hepburn in confusion.

"Miss Victoria, Staff Captain Hepburn is right…this ship is no place for those poor seals. They need to be in water."

Vic looked subdued for a moment, then brightened.

"That's easily solved!" She reached down and hoisted Maude under her other arm. "C'mon, babies…I know where you'll be happy!" She headed off.

Henry blinked in surprise. "Well, that was easy."

"Indeed," Hepburn muttered faintly from the corner. "Thought for sure she'd put up way more of a fight than that."

Mrs. Pebworth rolled her eyes. "Ya ruddy plonkers! You'll notice she didn't go out the boardin' entrance, and headed down the corridor instead?" When the two officers stared blankly at her she actually reached out and smacked Hepburn upside his head. "She wants to keep those bloody things, and you, ya bloomin' idjit," she jabbed Henry in the chest, "told her they need water to be happy. Where on this ship is there plenty of water?"

The answer appeared to come to both men at the same time, for they turned and looked at each other in horror.

"Oh, no!" They took off running.

~~~

Henry, Nigel, and Mrs. Pebworth stood with Vic as she watched her new pets frolic happily in the Main Pool.

"Well, they do look happy, I'll give them that," Henry muttered. Vic giggled.

"What the bloody hell is going on?!" Cruise Director Emma Reynard approached the group. "I'm walking down the corridor," she informed Mrs. Pebworth, "when all of a sudden these two," she indicated Hepburn and Tangmere, "come running towards me as if being chased by an army of Yetis! I barely got out of the way in time before they barreled past me!"

The Housekeeper merely pointed at the pool. "They were concerned with Vic's latest pets."

Reynard looked over the water, saw Frankie and Maude swimming happily, and squealed.

"Oh, aren't they lovely?!"

"I know!" Vic sighed happily like a proud mother.

"WHO THA' BLUE BLAZIN' HELL PUT A PAIR O' SEALS IN MAH POOL?!" Lachlan MacLaren, head of the group of technicians who maintained the two pools on board, walked up looking like he wanted to rip someone apart with his bare hands.

Everyone in the group turned to Vic, who was still happily watching the pair swim. She felt their gazes on her and turned to look at them.

"What?" she asked in confusion.

"Lassie," MacLaren massaged his forehead. "Yer wee beasties cannae live in th' pool. The passengers swim in there."

"Exactly," Hepburn nodded. "So we have to return them to the ocean." He turned to MacLaren. "Well, go on then…get them out of there."

"WHA?!" MacLaren gaped at Hepburn. "Have ye gone waxy in yer beester?! Ah dinna work at Sea World! Ah'm a pool technician, nae an animal wrangler! Call a bloody zoo, ya tea-swillin' mint-muncher!"

"Now see here!" Hepburn leapt to defend himself while Mrs. Pebworth cackled and Emma and Vic continued to admire Frankie and Maude.

Captain Tangmere prepared himself for a phone call to the local zoo…followed by another to the Cunard Main Office to try and explain why the ship would have to delay its sailing in order to give the pool a thorough cleaning.

He sighed. At least his wife would get a good laugh over this when he told her about it later that evening.