Bidding farewell to Wiz the Lich, Hagrid escorted two girls, one owl, one Blushing Violet, and one...cat...thing? To the actual purpose of their visit to Diagon Alley: Shopping. Their first stop was for robes, during which Hagrid went back to the pub and acquired backup, after getting a firm promise from Madam Malkin and her staff that they would, under no circumstances, allow Megumin and Yunyun out of their sight.
Thankfully, Megumin had a passion for clothing, and was very involved in the selection and coloring of her robes.
"They must have red trim, as that is the color of passion!" Megumin declared when it was time for fabric selection.
"So certain you'll get into Gryffindor, are you?" Madam Malkin chuckled as she sorted through fabric.
"What is this Gryffindor? Is it like Slytherin or Hufflepuff?" Megumin demanded.
Madam Malkin proceeded to explain the Hogwarts house system as she worked, during which Megumin listened attentively.
"Ah, I see," Megumin said, nodding sagely after the explanation. "I know which house I must choose. It shall have to be Gryffindor. That is the house for protagonists."
"For...protagonists?" Madam Malkin asked, her magical tools pausing in their work.
Nodding sagely, Megumin explained. "Hufflepuff is obviously the house for secondary party members and NPCs, who provide dutiful service and steadfast allies to the main character, as they are tedious and boring. Also, Yellow is a neutral, calming color, and not well suited to dynamic action."
"Er…" Madam Malkin blinked, uncertain about this, but Megumin pressed on.
"Ravenclaw is similar for other party members. I am certain they provide a suitable variety of bookish types to whom a hero may go to inquire on certain bits of arcane lore, or to provide an endearingly mad comic relief character."
"I really don't think-"
"Slytherin is obviously the Evil house, with a bunch of potential rivals and their minions all conveniently gathered in one place. I suppose if I were attempting to do an evil run it would be acceptable, but Yunyun would never survive such a place and she is obviously an important character in my tale."
"They're not evil, just-"
"And finally we have Gryffindor, who have chosen Red, which is the superior color of discerning heroes everywhere! They are the courageous heroes who do battle with evil, and of course instigate the plot by becoming involved in foolhardy ventures, before their moral courage and bravery allow them to turn the odds in their favor at the most dramatically appropriate moment."
"That's not...that's not how the houses work at all!" Madam Malkin said in exasperation.
Megumin patted her gently on the hand. "It's OK, you are clearly a shopkeeper character who went into either Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, and do not understand that this makes you an NPC."
"Well, I never! No one has called me an En Pee Cee before!" Madam Malkin paused. "Er, what is an NPC?"
"Naturally Pleasant Character," Megumin said with a perfectly straight face. She knew enough not to insult someone she was going to have to buy from.
"Oh! Well, I suppose...well, you were raised by muggles. Very strange folk, muggles," Madam Malkin said with a nervous titter.
"Yes. They don't even understand the importance of a good pose or proper introductions," Megumin said with a sigh.
"Oh yes. I often pose for hours with my new robes. You have to get them just right," Madam Malkin agreed.
With the robes done, both Vernon and Hagrid fortified with several pints and Petunia finally more excited than worried, the party trooped over to the bank as Vernon groused about how much the robes would cost when they had to pick them up.
"Just how much is a galleon?" Vernon demanded. "And don't give me this nonsense about sickles or nuts, I want to know what it is in pounds, man!"
"Don't weigh a pound, not more than a few ounces," Hagrid said amiably.
"I mean in cash, man! Cold, hard cash. What's the value of a galleon in hard currency!" Vernon blustered.
"I don't rightly know, ask a goblin. They're the ones that truck in that stuff," Hagrid snapped. "And the bank's where we're headed next! Oh, and Megumin, you'll need yer key."
Hagrid produced a golden key, which looked tiny in his hands, but massive when handed over to Megumin. She grinned, holding it up in excitement.
"Does this unlock a treasure!? A forbidden vault?! A hidden and mysterious door?!"
"Yes to all three. Now come on, I got an errand to attend to meself."
Petunia had to close her eyes and lean on Yunyun as they walked up the very geometrically impossible stairs. Vernon was thankfully just drunk enough that he didn't really notice, and Megumin had always been one to assume that reality should bend to her will, and saw the building as proof that anything was possible if you looked cool enough.
Inside, Megumin looked around in excitement at the goblins, then blinked and frowned. "This is just a bank. I thought goblins were the natural enemy of wizards."
"We are," one of the goblins by the door assured Megumin. "Why do you think we run the banking industry?"
"What? Wouldn't you rather hurl yourself at your foes in glorious combat, proving your superior might on the field of battle?" Megumin demanded.
"We tried that, but you kept winning. This way is much more effective," the goblin assured her.
"Hmph. I find your lack of dramatic gravitas disturbing," Megumin told the goblin, then hurried after Hagrid as he walked up to one of the counters.
"Miss Potter would like to make a withdrawal," he informed the tellers. "And these muggles would like to do some exchanges."
"There is no need," Megumin said dismissively. "My parents are certain to have left me a massive and mysterious fortune. As I have been unable to buy Yunyun appropriate gifts for the past decade, I shall now settle our debt and repay her for her kindness."
"Y-you mean it?!" Yunyun gasped. She happily hugged Megumin, much to her cousin's disgust.
"Hmph. You are fortunate that I lack a suitable variety of rivals, and must put up with you."
The display did not impress the goblins, who merely eyed Megumin and demanded her key. She proudly flourished it.
"Now hold on a minute, she's a minor. Shouldn't that account be held in trust?" Vernon demanded.
"Why, you think you can just spend Megs' money on whatever you please, Dursley?" Hagrid demanded.
"No, but I know full well that if you give that girl unlimited access to money it will be spent in half a minute. She needs to be put on a budget, or whatever funds her parents left will be gone in a heartbeat, you daft fool," Vernon shot back.
"Oh." Hagrid considered this, his eyebrows lowering in consternation as he regarded Megumin. Her manic grinand the glint in her eye told him everything he needed to know. "Er, yes, we'll be settin' up a limit on the account. Don't rightly know what you spend it on, but can't go wasting the Potter fortune."
"Very well. Her guardian must fill out these forms," the goblins sighed, and handed over a rather standard clipboard.
Vernon muttered under his breath, eyed the quill he was given with disgust, and pulled out a fountain pen. "Right. How many pounds to the galleon?"
"The current rate is £5.11 per galleon," the goblin supplied.
"Very well." After a few minutes of furious scribbling, he handed the form back. "Right, I'm setting the limit at 250 galleons a semester. That's plenty of money for any girl to spend on school supplies, and have a bit of pocket change left over. You can make whatever purchases you want, but no funny business, you hear?"
"What about Yunyun's supplies?" Megumin demanded.
"I'm bloody well paying for my own daughter's schooling, magical or otherwise. If you want to buy her a present, get her something she'd like, not a pile of books and other rubbish," Vernon snapped.
Vernon did quite a bit of grumbling about galleons being "funny money," right up until he was handed a bag full of gold coins. He stared at them incredulously for a moment, then bit one. He blinked in shock. "This is gold!"
"That would be why they are called golden galleons, yes," the goblin teller sneered.
"But gold is over 100 quid an ounce! This is madness!" Vernon gasped.
"You will find that our galleons are not pure gold, but rather a magical alloy. They contain slightly less than their value in actual gold in muggle currency. We are not idiots," the goblin said with a sigh. "Do not attempt to melt them down and sell them to muggles. This is a violation of the International Wizarding Currency Act of 1868. Or do. It's rather amusing when we get to dismember the fools who try."
Vernon shoved the gold in his robe and muttered darkly under his breath, but jerked a nod.
After that, it was down to Megumin's vault. The adults very much did not enjoy the cart ride, with Vernon seeing his lunch for a second time. Megumin and Yunyun, however, shrieked and squealed in delight, throwing their hands up in the air like they were on a roller coaster.
"That was better than the Black Hole at Alton Towers!" Yunyun gasped as the cart rolled to a stop before the vault. "Can we go faster next time?"
The goblin driver eyed the adults, who all looked rather green. He grinned viciously. "I suppose we can."
Scrambling out of her cart, Megumin hurried up to her vault, eagerly scooping a bag full of galleons. She attempted to secrete more about her person, but when she attempted to exit the vault, her pockets grew increasingly heavy, until she collapsed to the ground, barely able to move.
"You are limited to 250 galleons," the goblin informed her. "Do not attempt to remove more. The price would be most extreme."
"You will rue the day you attempted to thwart Megumin Potter," she growled, but divested herself of the extra coinage.
On the way out, Hagrid had the goblin stop at a separate vault, this one impossibly deep beneath the earth. The goblin lived up to his promise of going even faster, much to the girl's delight and the adults' horror. Upon stopping at the vault, Hagrid had to practically crawl to retrieve the object, which was nothing but a plain brown package.
Upon seeing Hagrid's obvious distress, Yunyun jumped up and hurried over to the package, picking it up before Hagrid or the goblin could stop her, and handing it over. "Are you OK, Mr. Hagrid? W-we can go slower on the way out, if you want."
"Don't touch that, it's secret," Hagrid gasped, and made the package disappear into a pocket.
"What is it? Is it a weapon? A powerful artifact? Perhaps the secret to ultimate power?!" Megumin asked eagerly.
"It's a bloody rock the headmaster wants," Hagrid growled, in an unusually foul mood after having to endure both the cart ride and his ulcer-inducing search for Megumin earlier.
"Ah, such as Simarils, or the Philosopher's Stone?" Megumin asked sagely. "You can entrust me with such knowledge; after all, it's my job as protagonist to protect them from evil."
"Bloody hell. Just get the cart going again," Hagrid groaned.
The goblin was all too happy to oblige, and Megumin forgot about the mysterious package for the moment as she gleefully shrieked along with Yunyun back up the rickety cart track.
The rest of the school shopping was mercifully uneventful. Hagrid and Vernon fortified themselves again with a few pints, or quarts in Hagrid's case, while Petunia had a gin and tonic. Megumin and Yunyun snarfed down some ice cream from Florean Fortescue's, much to the Dursley's bafflement.
"I thought you didn't like sweets," Vernon said suspiciously.
Megumin wiped the smear of banana fudge from her lips with her sleeve and grinned. "As I am now inheriting my power, the time of privation is at an end, and I may now enjoy the fruits of fame and glory."
"Plus, this is really good! You should try some, mum, dad!" Yunyun encouraged them.
"Not likely after that ride," Vernon groaned, and downed another pint.
Most of the shopping was relatively uneventful. In that Megumin caused a great ruckus and was a general menace, but no more than she was in the ordinary course of things. The only strange occurrence was when a woman dressed in blue robes rather like a Japanese Miko's accosted them.
"Join the Axis Cult!" she cried, shoving a flier into Vernon's face. "Special rewards for all Axis Cult members! Get a commemorative-"
"We don't want to join no damned cult! Keep your religion to yourself, young lady," Vernon snarled, shredding the paper and flinging it to the ground.
"Religion? Well, some might see it that way, but this is an advert for the Axis Hearts concert, right here in Diagon Alley next week! Tickets are only 10 galleons for adults, and-"
"We're not going to some bloody concert either!" Vernon snapped, shredding another flier that had been foisted on him.
"I don't know dad, I think their dresses are pretty," Yunyun said, studying the flier she'd been handed. On it was a beautiful blue haired woman in a scandalously short miniskirt, posing with two paper fans and smiling brightly. Behind her was a row of dancers in garb similar to the blue robes of the hawker, only theirs were far shorter, and were much more similar to a chorus line's getup.
"She's dressed like a tart. No daughter of mine is wearing something like that. No respect," Vernon huffed, and dragged Yunyun away. Megumin secreted away a flier, figuring a mysterious cult had to be a quest marker of some sort.
Once the majority of the school supplies were purchased, Hagrid led the group to Ollivander's Wand shop. Once they arrived, he excused himself, saying," Have to be gettin' back to Hogwarts. You can find yer way out, I'm sure."
"Ok. Thank you, Mr. Hagrid!" Yunyun smiled and bowed politely to Hagrid. "Y-you were very kind! I hope we can be f-friends when I get to Hogwarts."
"Yer welcome anytime, Yunyun," Hagrid agreed, returning the smile. "You and that owl o' yers. She's a right beauty, that Hedwig. Real nice of Wiz, giving yeh that. Fine woman, Wiz. Fine woman."
"Be sure to take note of our coming, for it shall be the hour of destiny!" Megumin decreed.
"Uh huh. Good luck, Vernon, Petunia." Hagrid leaned in close, lowering his voice, though it was still a clearly audible rumble. "And for pity's sake, don't let Megs near her wand until school starts. I don't know what spell she tried on the owls, but it ain't like them to just stop trying to deliver the post."
"Oh? Did I tap into the might of my blood, and call forth dark and deadly powers?!" Megumin demanded eagerly.
"Whatever you did, don't do it again! Accidental magic is a right quick way to get into trouble," Hagrid lectured.
"Ha! It would not be an accident, but intentional!" Megumin bragged.
"That's worse, somehow. Anyway, I'll be seein' you two at Hogwarts on September 1st. Try not to get into trouble until then." With that, Hagrid departed, with probably more haste than was decent. It seemed he had a fairly good idea of what was about to happen.
Megumin thrust open the door to Ollivanders, and bellowed, "BEHOLD! The heroine has arrived to take up her mighty weapon, and seize her destiny! For I am-"
"Ah, Miss Potter. I wondered when I would be seeing you," the proprietor said, looking up through an odd set of glasses that made one eye appear large and bulbous, and the other shrunken and dim.
"Um, i-is this where we get our wands?" Yunyun held up her school letter. "Um, it says we need one…"
"And don't go trying to overcharge us," Vernon huffed. "I know when I'm being cheated."
"All wands are seven galleons. No negotiations," Ollivander said mildly. He turned back to Megumin and Yunyun. "Now what's this? I can tell you're Megumin Potter, but...curious. Most curious."
"Yes! I am Megumin, and this is my rival and/or boon companion, Yunyun. We require wands with interesting backstories and suitably dramatic appearances," Megumin declared.
"I see. How...unusual." Mr. Ollivander took off his glasses, coming around the counter to pace around the two girls. Yunyun swallowed and tried to smile, but hung onto Megumin's arm. For her part, Megumin puffed out her chest and struck a heroic pose.
"Not what I expected. Not what I expected at all. Hmm, very unusual customers indeed," Ollivander mused.
"Are you calling my daughter unusual? She's perfectly normal," Petunia huffed, drawn out of her daze. "Well. For a witch."
"Oh no. Your daughter is extraordinary. Most extraordinary. Are you certain she is yours?" Ollivander inquired.
"Are you asking my wife if she knows who her own daughter is? Do you even know how that works, old man?" Vernon demanded.
"In the ordinary course of things, yes. But there is something wonderfully different about these two girls indeed." Ollivander rubbed his hands together eagerly, then opened his shop door and hung a "closed" sign upon it. "We shall need to be most careful in choosing which wands to show you to. Several would be most eager to choose a prize such as yourselves."
"Of course! It is not every day that the Crimson Demon Clan arrives to be outfitted for their legendary exploits," Megumin agreed sagely. "Bring forth the wands, and we shall see which we like."
"Oh no, Ms. Potter, if that is who you really are. The wand chooses the witch. Not the other way around," Ollivander said with a shake of his head.
Megumin pointed to the lightning bolt shaped scar on her forehead. "I have been marked by destiny! Do not mistake me for some common fool! I am Megumin Potter, and soon all shall know my legend! I shall require a wand that also seeks to show the universe that it is the weapon of which the prophecy foretold!"
"Oh yes," Ollivander said, his eyes gleaming with delight. "Most difficult. Let us begin."
After that, Megumin and Yunyun were poked, prodded, and measured in every conceivable way. If not for the outrage of Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, it was likely he would have had them strip down to their undergarments for a complete physical. As it was, Ollivander peered into their eyes, listened to their hearts, had them perform a few basic exercises, recite tongue twisters, solve various puzzles, and play games of luck and chance.
At last, the field was narrowed down.
"Yes, yes, Unicorn Hair for you, Miss Dursley," Olivander finally said, riffling through stacks of boxes. "As for the wood...that is harder. You are intelligent, very intelligent. Rarely have I met a smarter witch. But so insecure and uncertain of herself. A hard choice."
"Just because the girl has a stutter doesn't mean she's insecure!" Vernon protested.
Ollivander gave the man a flat look. "There are no lies here, Mr. Dursley. I see through to the heart, as do my wands. It is vital that I match the wand to the witch, and in this case, do so properly. My wands will all want to choose her. She is a rare gem indeed."
That seemed to mollify Vernon, but Megumin was peeved.
"What about me!? Surely the wands must recognize that Yunyun is merely my companion, while I am the true hero!"
"Oh, I think you underestimate your cousin. She shall have her own legend, should she wish to claim it," Ollivander said seriously.
He took up a stack of boxes, coming over and setting them out on the counter. He stacked them in one way, then another, rearranging them, before at last opening a box and holding it out to Yunyun. "Try this one. This hair is from a noble unicorn, who led her herd for many years, and could be said to be the greatest and wisest of her generation, though she was maligned as a foal. The wood is from a particularly kind willow that has nurtured and sheltered many a family of animals in its years. It is 10 ¾ inches. Not short, but not too long. Good for healing, and, perhaps, making friends."
Tentatively, Yunyun took the wand out of the box, gripping it in both hands. A wind suddenly sprang up, smelling of warm spring days by the riverbank, and carrying it the faint tinkle of distant laughter. Yunyun's eyes began to blaze crimson, and the wand pulsed with an inner light to match it.
"Yes," Ollivander said with a sage nod. "Yes, I think that one will do nicely for you."
"I...I like her," Yunyun said, smiling warmly down at the wand. "W-we can be friends!"
"Hmph. Well, I suppose you are saving the best for last?" Megumin demanded, staring hungrily at Yunyun and her newly selected wand.
"Ah, yes. You. Quite a conundrum, Miss Potter. I think I know the wand for you. It has sat neglected on my shelves since the days of my grandfather. No wizard nor witch that walked through my doors could hope to claim it. But we cannot let you have it here."
"Why not?! I am worthy!" Megumin exclaimed, jumping up and down in her eagerness.
"That is what I fear. Come. We shall step outside."
Ollivander led the family out through the back of his shop, taking up a dusty box from the top of a shelf in the far corner. Outside, he walked Megumin to the end of the alleyway, where there was a clear space in an empty lot.
"Stand back," he ordered, then took the box and set it on the ground, before sprinting away and taking cover behind a low brick wall. The Dursleys, getting the picture, took cover as well, though Yunyun stayed by Megumin's side.
"Take up the wand. Carefully now!" Ollivander called, poking his head up just enough so that one eye could watch.
Eagerly, Megumin ripped the lid off the old box and tossed it aside. Inside was an oversized wand of fully 15 inches. It was made of light brown wood, but was stiff and durable.
"It is hornbeam, also called ironwood," Ollivander called. "Within it is the heartstring of a truly cantankerous and mighty dragon. One of the last free dragons to be brought down before the reserves were established. It flew wild and free for 300 years, a mighty beast indeed."
"Then it shall be the perfect wand for me!" Megumin cried gleefully. She seized the wand, holding it up in one hand and pointing it towards the sky.
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, the wand began to shudder and glow, as Megumin's eyes blazed crimson. Shadows gathered around her, the only other source of light Yunyun at her side.
"BEHOLD! I AM MEGUMIN, FOREMOST GENIUS OF THE CRIMSON DEMON CLAN, AND THE CHOSEN ONE OF PROPHECY!" Megumin bellowed.
A pillar of flame shot out of her wand, reaching nearly fifty feet into the evening sky. A dragon's roar could be heard in the crackling flames, seeming to proclaim its own lineage as it's mistress had.
"Marvelous," Ollivander breathed, slowly getting to his feet as the flames died down, then vanished.
"Bloody hell," Vernon gasped. "You're going to give her that?!"
"The wand chooses the witch, Mr. Dursley," Ollivander said gravely. "And that wand has chosen her."
"Well she's not bloody well getting her hands on that in my house," Vernon growled. "Put that back in the box. It's going in your trunk, and you're not taking it out until you go to that school and learn how to control the thing."
"What about Yunyun?" Megumin demanded, planting her hands on her hips.
"Yunyun isn't going to burn down my house just to see if she can. Now put that thing away."
"His name is Chunchumaru, and he is a mighty weapon!" Megumin declared. But she put her wand back in it's box, a smug smile on her lips.
"My wand is cooler than yours," she informed Yunyun as Vernon doled out the money to Ollivander.
"I don't mind. Mind's just right for me," Yunyun told her. She handed her wand over to her parents as well, not wanting to injure Megumin's feelings.
"Farewell. Take good care of those wands. I know I shall be looking forward to hearing about what you accomplish together."
"Do not fear: all shall know of my mighty deeds!" Megumin laughed.
She was, of course, right. Mushroom clouds are terribly hard to miss.