Better be warn, it is a hard chapter. Full triger warning on starvation and Tarsus IV. It will get better, but the next may be worse.
I choose not to translate the citations on the chapter, but you will find one at the end.
-.-.-
The crew on the deck of the Enterprise is 1.5 more agitated than usual when Spock reaches his destination. He recognizes the thrill of anticipation. They received their orders and humans' excitement is contagious.
Sitting in his chair, Captain Kirk looks up from his PADD and gives Spock his usual unprofessional smile.
"Spock! You're right in time, I was about to call you! Starfleet's asking us to make a small detour. Again. I can't believe it, it's the third time since we left Earth. At this rate, we won't reach uncharted space before the end of the year!"
Unlike his captain, Spock is a professional. He should strive to correct the man's manners. Kirk's behavior toward him, and towards all his officers, is deeply unprofessional. It would be better for the captain to follow the rules more closely, stand straighter on his chair, smile less, be less friendly with the crew, and show more respect to Starfleet's institutions. Yet Spock keeps his admonitions to himself. He refuses to question why. He denies he appreciates Jim Kirk as he is, even if he doubts he will ever understand him.
Instead, he takes his place near the captain's chair.
"What are our orders, Captain?"
"Another diplomatic mission. Do you remember Cykax?"
"Indeed."
Cykax is the subject of many conversations in Starfleet. Spock has read quite a few reports on the subject. The planet made first contact with the Federation forty-two years ago. The Federation leaders hoped to begin trade and diplomatic negotiations when Cykax made a second first contact, a few months later. They realized that, contrary to what their first interlocutors said, the planet had no uniform form of government. At the time, there were eleven countries at war with each other. Their arms race had led to the launch of a space program, quite similar to what happened on Earth in the second half of the 20th century. In four years, seven countries made first contact with the Federation and expressed their wish to join it. The fact that the Federation refused to accept planets without political unity was not well received by them.
After that, the Federation has only observed the situation as a neutral party. In the past forty-two years, three global conflicts have happened. Many countries appeared and disappeared. Quite appalled by such conduct and all the innocent lives lost, the Federation proposed to act as a mediator between the different countries. In vain. No government accepted.
"There seems to be something new on Cykax," the captain explains. "There are two rival blocs now. The other countries joined them or disappeared. Both sides have turned to the Federation. They want someone to act as an intermediary in the negotiations."
"That is unexpected. The latest reports I read have been very pessimistic."
"Unexpected, that's the word. But hey, it's good news for those poor people. And since we're the closest ship — and also the most famous — our orders are to go see if both sides are really willing to stop the fight before the Federation sends a diplomatic team."
"It looks like a risky situation," Uhura adds from her post. "Something could explode at any time, and I mean literally."
"Don't you say. Starfleet wants to believe in both sides' leaders' goodwill, but we should still doubt everything we hear and everything we see. Looks like the Earth's Cold War."
"A fair enough comparison. Thought it also reminded me of Vulcan before Surak's Reformation."
Spock nods but does not add his opinion on the subject. Two years later, it is still difficult to talk about Vulcan. He doubts he will ever be able to bring up the topic without needing to meditate after. Controlling his emotions is more difficult than it was before, and he's not the only Vulcan to experience that problem. He pushes these thoughts aside and focuses his attention on the mission. It should be interesting.
For the next forty-eight hours, the whole team stays busy. Such a mission requires preparation. They have to decide who will be on the landing team and study the files so as not to compromise the mission. It could be Cykax's only hope of peace, and the Cykaxians get offended by petty things. Spock learns how to address the United Cykax's authorities, which currently dominate three-quarters of the planet, and how to pay his respect.
Those are the easy parts. It is harder to decide where the Enterprise team should first set foot on the planet. Both Unionists and Republicans want to be the first to talk to them. They may desire peace, but cannot even agree on where negotiations should take place. It is not a promising start. Finally, both factions' representatives look at the Enterprise's screens while the captain draws lots.
On the third day, the Unionists welcome them with a military parade and shooting demonstrations. Spock does not say what he thinks, although he finds this warmongering unpleasant. Despite the threats hanging over the Federation, it has never been so belligerent. The rest of the diplomatic team seems equally embarrassed. Of course, Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations, but Spock doubts this behavior is a good premise for peace.
That night, the captain gathers the team around him in their apartments. Besides Spock, Uhura is here with three linguists and diplomats. Chekov and two engineers are here to show the Cykaxians the advantages of an alliance with the Federation. They will also show them how they could use their technology for more productive things than war. A doctor and four security officers complete the team.
The captain congratulates them. After the demonstration, the Unionists showed themselves open to the idea of peace. They seemed tired, as they should be after centuries of war. A meeting with the Republicans with the Federation's assistance is being considered, and they have even accepted some conditions. Tomorrow, the team will meet the Republicans. If they also agree on those first conditions, it will be the biggest step toward peace ever taken on Cykax.
The security team is less thrilled.
"It's not that I don't want to trust these people, captain," says Fial, a tall Andorian in her fifties with a stern face. "If the diplomats say they want peace, I would like to believe them, like anyone. But my job is to keep you all alive. And..."
"I know, lieutenant." Kirk sigh. He's weary after that day of discussion. "You don't like that we can't teleport."
"It's not that, Captain. I understand why we can't. I would even say it comforts me, in a way. On such a planet, I like to know we do not risk assassination in our sleep by the other side. The problem is that it seems the anti-teleportation field also prevents us from communicating with the Enterprise. Their technicians keep telling me that the field has been reinforced for our protection because we're so close to the front, which prevents extra-planetary communications. To contact the Enterprise, we must transmit our messages to the Union command center which will relay the message. We should have been informed before."
Spock raises an eyebrow. Indeed, such information should have been discussed.
"You mean all communication is impossible and they said nothing?"
"Yes, sir. I tried to contact the Enterprise several times," Uhura adds, concern visible on her face. "I only get static noise. It looks like a trap."
"Yes it does," Kirk agrees. "I want half the security team awake tonight. Tomorrow morning, we'll reach the Republican outpost. We should be safe there, and we'll contact the Enterprise directly."
"What if they also blocked our communication, Captain?" Spock asks.
"I thought about that. It would mean both sides have set a trap for us and we'll have to rely on Scotty's genius to overcome their technology. I'm sure he's working on it right now. We should sleep and see how it goes tomorrow. Something tells me we'll need it."
Everyone agrees with that.
One by one, the team members go back to their assigned rooms. Spock rests for a few hours before he gets up, feeling refreshed by his sleep and meditation. It is still dark outside and in orbit. The Enterprise is also on "night" time so he's surprised to see the captain already up. The man is sitting at the conference table in their common room.
"I couldn't sleep," he explains. "Fial's news kept me awake."
He smiles. He seems to think a smile makes people forgive him for anything. Given how many times those smiles have gotten him into more trouble from McCoy, Uhura, a flirt, or an enemy, Spock does not understand why the captain persists in using this futile tactic.
But experience tells him this smile has a strange power on some people. Including him occasionally.
This time, he refused to let himself be abused by Kirk's smile. He sits on the opposite side of the table, silently urging him to go back to bed. No human he knows shows less concern for his health. Humans need to sleep, even Captain Kirk. Spock does not need to speak to make himself understand.
"Very well," Kirk sighs with another apologetic smile. "I'll try to sleep two more hours before we need to leave. I just want to finish this."
"Explain."
Kirk hands him the object he is holding. It is a communicator.
"I'm trying to modify this to bypass their blockade. Unsuccessfully, so far. If only I had access to their computer I should be able to do something. Of course, the paranoid bastards are too afraid of betrayal to let us access a computer. Maybe if I..."
"If I may, Captain", Spock cuts him, "I doubt lack of sleep and materials brings you a solution. Let me try. You should sleep in the meantime. You said we would need to be ready tomorrow. You won't be if you do not rest."
"That's fair."
Spock clings to the small composure he's able to maintain in front of the Captain and takes the communicator from him. Sometimes he doubts that even a Vulcan who has undergone the Kohlinar could remain calm in the presence of Jim Kirk. The Captain's quirks and his lack of concern for his well-being are infuriating. But this time, surprisingly, the Captain does not protest. He goes back to his bed yawning. Spock is victorious, for once.
There is no time to think about it. For a long time, Spock examines the communicator and the parts the captain left on the table, failing to understand what Kirk was trying to do. The man is his superior in some areas, like engineering. What the Captain tried to accomplish in a semi-comatose state, Spock cannot guess. He decides to let the Captain sleep for a few hours and let him finish his work after.
Meanwhile, he may need to meditate some more.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. -.-.-.-.-.
In the morning, no one is surprised when they are told the communication problem with the Enterprise has not been resolved. The Unionists swear they will do their best to restore communication in the next couple of days. The Captain smiles and thanks them for their efforts like he does not understand why they are trying to isolate them. He's more sincere when he greets the officials who guided them during their short visit.
"Let's get out of this can of worms quickly," he says just loud enough for Spock to hear.
"I fear we will find something similar on the other side of the demarcation zone," Spock responds in the same voice.
"You don't say. I don't like the smell of that."
They have no other choice than to pretend everything is fine, for now. They follow the officials to a study door, the entrance of the Union outpost. Once they are outside, they are on their own. The Unionists are forbidden to get closer to the Republic. Before, it seemed like the best option. Though the party now thinks otherwise, no one wants to waste time trying to convince the Unionists they need someone with them. Also, the Republicans will shout if they see a Unionist.
They leave.
After twenty-three hours underground, it is pleasant to breathe non-recycled air. Everyone except Spock sighs in relief. When everyone is out, the Enterprise party advances cautiously toward the Republican outpost, barely visible almost three miles away, on the other side of the no man's land. The outpost seems to be the twin of the structure they just left, a buried fortress with many impacts on its dome. The armored door closes behind them and a few team members recoil slightly. It feels more and more like a trap.
They walk in silence, careful not to deviate from the path on their map. Here and there, a stick in the mud confirms they are on the right track.
"How can you inflict so much damage on your own planet?" Uhura finally asks.
There is contempt and disgust in her voice. She cannot stand stupidity and such a long war is one in her mind. Looking at the desolate landscape, Spock can only agree. All around them, there's nothing left but broken rocks, ashes, and deep holes made by the bomb impacts. Once, a thick forest stood there. Only burnt tree stumps are left.
"Sounds like descriptions of twentieth-century battlefields," one linguist says. "I read something about the Battle of Stalingrad."
"More like Verdun and the Marne," another says. "There are even trenches."
Indeed, the closer they get to the demarcation line, the more half-collapsed trenches they see. Under their feet, they sometimes hear a terrible sound, like bone breaking. There are corpses here buried in haste or never retrieved.
"I don't like this," an engineer groans. "How can you leave your dead to rot like this?"
"Cette tranchée toute neuve était ourlée de terre fraîche, comme une fosse commune. C'était peut-être pour gagner du temps qu'on nous y avait mis vivants," the Captain mutters.
"A French quote? What is your source?" Uhura stares at him in amazement.
"Les Croix de Bois, an old French novel about the Great War.
Spock was often amazed by the culture and the memory of his Captain and today, he was not the only one. Unaware of their stare, Kirk bends down to the ground to pick up something. Looking over his shoulder, Spocj recognizes a lucky charm some Union soldiers wore in the hope death would not take them. It represents a child holding wheat, a symbol of hope in a land where fields were destroyed to make place for war.
"Dans ce sol sans couleur
Sous ce ciel sans couleur,
Qui délayait les silhouettes,
Il fallait attaquer
A trois heures trente.
A trois heures trente,
Les troupes, coûte que coûte...
Coûte que coûte!
Mon général, qu'est-ce que ça vous coûtait ?"
The captain gets up with a distant look and shakes his head as if to drive away some sinister memory. He has some, Spock knows that and hates it, even if he has not seen any details in his head when... No, he shouldn't even think about that day. Eventually, the Captain met Spock's eyes.
"They are right, the place is sinister. Let's not dwell there."
They start moving again. Some crewmen begin talking about something that had happened on the Enterprise a few days before, probably to forget how tense they are. The Captain does not participate, which is unusual. He thinks it is his responsibility to boost crew morale in moments like this. But today, he remains quiet and walks behind them, his eyes constantly alert. Spock slows down and walks next to him.
"Do you see something, Captain?"
"I don't know. I don't like this at all. We're too exposed, and the Unionists were too eager to prevent us from contacting the Enterprise. Maybe I'm wrong, but..."
Spock has learned to trust his captain's instincts. He too begins to examine the landscape around them. Nothing seems abnormal. The no man's land is quiet. Nothing moves around them. But it is the perfect place for an ambush, with all those holes in the ground. The security team is also on the lookout, keeping their hands close to their phasers. Spock recognizes a tree from its description by the Unionists. It is still standing but it is burnt and divided into two parts along its entire length. The Unionists told them it mark the current border between the two camps. A few more steps and they will be in Republic territory.
A member of the security team crosses the invisible border first. Immediately, all hell breaks loose around the delegation. Something explodes under the man's feet. Spock blinks. Blood and flesh fly everywhere. Half a second later, Spock hears explosions, two in front of him, three behind him. Before he has time to react, someone tackles him to the ground and he falls into a bomb crater, head first.
His head hit a stone. He loses consciousness.
A few moments or a few hours later, he does not know, Spock regains consciousness gradually. It feels like something is punching his head repeatedly, the earth is shaking and he hears a buzzing. It takes him a few minutes to understand what the buzzing noise in his head is, and that he took a severe hit to his head. He has a concussion and he should open his eyes to check the damage. His memory cannot tell him what happened. It is difficult to think or breathe. Then the sound comes back and Spock remembers what happened. He hears the sound of a dozen bombs hitting the ground, sending tonnes of dust and rock flying into the air. Some impacts are close, too close to where Spock has fallen. No wonder he thought the ground was shaking.
He opens his eyes. Besides him, Uhura is shaking, her hands covering her ears in a futile effort to muffle the noise. Her uniform is torn at the shoulder but she seems mostly fine. Next to her, Stephan Cho, one of the engineers, struggles to wrap his blood-covered leg in what is left of his shirt. No one else is there. More people could not fit into this tiny depression. They are lucky it offers them some cover from the bombing, but they need to know if the others are alive. Spock looks up. A few feet above his head, he can see an arm wearing a red sleeve. It does not move, but blood drips down his sleeve. Between two explosions, Spock can hear another man moaning in pain, further from them hole. It could be anyone. Spock hopes the others found a trench or a hole to hide. He can only hope. They cannot get out of here, not now, in the middle of the bombing, not even to help the wounded. They would die.
So they wait.
The bombing continues until dusk, almost without interruptions. Neither Spock nor his two companions speak. They wouldn't be able to hold a whole conversation with the booming noise all around. Every second of silence seems like a breath of fresh air. Uhura stands still during the bombing, but she cries every time it stops. Spock understands. When silence comes back, he holds his breath, trembling, hoping it means the fight is over. But their hope never comes true, until dusk.
With night comes silence, at last. The injured man stopped crying a few hours earlier.
By then, they are too tired to think or care about their companions. They fall asleep almost instantly. In their dreams, the thunder is still there. And with the first glimpse of daylight, the bombshells start to fall again. Spock wakes up even more exhausted than the day before.
This second day goes exactly like the first. Spock, Uhura, and Cho cluster together and try to shield themselves from the falling rubble. The rain of stone and metal lasts for fifteen hours before it stops as suddenly as it began. This time, dusk has not yet fallen and Spock can see the tiredness of his two companions. Cho is livid, the bandage on his leg soaked in blood. The wound started to bleed again sometime in the day.
"We need to take care of his injury," Uhura whispers to Spock once they moved a few steps away from him. "And we should see if the others..."
She cannot finish her sentence. Spock touches her arm in what he hopes is a sufficiently reassuring gesture.
"I'll go out. Take care of Cho."
The relief on her face is easy to spot. Spock lets her go back to Cho. He climbs out of the hole, trying not to let more dirt and mud fall on them and above all to not be seen by the gunners on the two sides of the no man's land. He freezes when he finds himself face-to-face with the doctor's corpse. Cho's chances of getting out of here alive decrease. Spock continues to crawl until he reaches the path they followed the day before. He discovers the mutilated remains of the security guard who exploded on the land mine, but no other corpses around. It is an encouraging sign. He raises his head to see where they could have fled when another head appears from the ground to his left.
"Spock, you're alive!" Fial's swollen face shows her relief. Spock feels the same and it must show on his face. He does not control his emotions as well as he should for now. He must meditate, but it won't happen soon.
"I am. Lieutenant Uhura and Cho hide a bit further from here. Cho is wounded. Are you the only one alive?"
"No, the Captain and a few others made it out. We were lucky to find a usable trench. I came to see if there were any other survivors."
"Is the place safe?"
"The trench seems well made. No risk of immediate collapse."
"Then I'm taking the others there. Our position is much less protected."
"Help me up then."
Spock helps the woman to join him and, still crawling, they return to the hole where Uhura and Cho are hiding. They help them out and follow Fial in the opposite direction.
"Be careful not to be seen," the Andorran says. "I tried to get out at dawn and they started shooting around us again. They don't want us to escape."
"But why? If they're so keen on killing us and they know where we are, why not focus fire on us?"
"The Captain has a theory. He will tell you himself."
They continue to crawl in silence. Cho's wound is slowing them down and daylight is nearly gone. They finally arrive at the trench. It is not very profound, but they can sit. Fial and Uhura help Cho lie down next to another injured man while Spock surveys their surroundings. They cannot escape by following the trench. It collapsed not far from their position. Unfortunately, there is no underground shelter, which means they must stay outside whatever the weather. But they are better protected from explosions, provided they do not happen close enough to cause a collapse of the trench. There is enough space for all the survivors. Of the fourteen members of the diplomatic team, only eight are left. Liliane VanDyck, a linguist, is the other wounded. Joss Jones, from security, is examining Cho. Relieved to see him in more capable hands than his, Spock joins the Captain and Chekov.
"Captain," he salutes. "It is a pleasure to see you alive."
A strange expression spreads over the captain's face, half a relieved smile, half a grimace of horror. He erases the expression and squeezes Spock's arm briefly. Spock is surprised to see himself reciprocating the gesture and stops himself.
"Glad to see you too, Spock. Chekov, we'll stop there for now."
The young man salutes and joins the rest of the survivors. Spock silently questions the Captain.
The situation isn't good, Spock, but it's not hopeless either. Remember the communicator I was trying to modify to connect with the Enterprise? I put Chekov on it. We found a couple of things in those crates left behind when the troops retreated."
"Any useful things?"
"An old communicator that we stripped down for his components, an emergency medical kit, three blankets. Nothing else, I fear. Let's pray it's enough for Chekov to make a miracle."
"The ship must have contacted the Federation. Our situation should not last."
Kirk's silence is too long. Finally, he gets up to join the others. Spock follows suit.
"How's Cho?"
"Unconscious since our arrival," Fial answers. "He lost a lot of blood. He needs urgent care."
"And VanDyck?"
"I'll be fine," the woman answers. "Well, I'll live."
"Three fractures on her leg, two on her arm," Fial adds. "As long as we do not move her, her condition is not likely to get deteriorated."
"That's good."
Kirk looks like he is trying to convince himself. Uhura does not take her eyes off him, confirming Spock's thoughts. There is something wrong with the captain. He hopes she understands better than he does.
In a neutral voice, Kirk adds, "I'll be sincere."
Too neutral. Spock's worry increases.
"We weren't supposed to survive. The path was mined by either side, maybe both. Probably both. They wanted to blame our death on the other, to get the Federation's support and annihilate their rival. They learned enough about us to know the Federation will need to show what happens to those who attack its people. And we are too famous for the Federation to ignore the attack. Unfortunately, some of us survived, which means the Federation will try to get us out of here alive."
"How is it bad news, Captain?" Uhura asks. "The Federation's help..."
"Will come too late."
An dreadfulsilence greets his statement. The captain gives us no time to digest this news.
"It will come too late for Cho, at least. And it will probably come too late for us. Both sides have no interest in us talking. They can't have any of us say a mine exploded in front of us, can they? It would ruin their plan. If we're dead, each side can still convince the Federation that the other side fired first. But they don't want to be the ones who kill us. Bad press. Good news for them, they only need to wait. The longer the negotiations are, the more chance for us to die. We're hostages."
"The Enterprise..."
"Probably have been ordered to do nothing until reinforcements arrive.". The last thing the two sides need is more hostages. And if they cannot beam us up they cannot get down either."
"But the Federation will come," Chekov insists. "We'll be saved."
We have smart people working on the Enterprise. They must have contacted the Federation already. The nearest ship is a week away, I think. This means no officer with the necessary rank will be there for at least six days. I'll be honest, we do not have enough food to wait six days. Not all of us."
Never in his life has Spock felt so... alien. He hadn't thought of that. He's half-Vulcan. He's hungry, but he does not need food like his Andorian and Humans companions. He is tired, but he can still fight. The others have huge dark circles under their eyes. Hunger does not show on their faces, not yet. But now everyone understands how precarious their situation is. Kirk let them have a few moments to gather their thoughts, then resumes his speech.
"The good news is that we found food in those crates and it should still be edible. I think this place was a theater of operations just before we were invited. For the "negotiations", they evacuated but did not take everything along. We also have a few emergency rations Fial, Jones, and myself had."
"Is it enough to last a week?"
"If we ration them carefully, yes. Now, I need you all to give your weapons to Spock and myself."
"Is it necessary?"
Kirk closes his eyes.
"Driven by hunger, the man is reduced to his worst self. Spock and I alone will have access to our provisions. Everyone will receive what they need."
No one protests. They give away their phasers freely, and Kirk puts them in a crate. Only he and Spock keep their weapons. In exchange, everyone receives their first portion of the rations.
"Thank you," the Captain says in the same monotonous voice he has used all along. "Now, we should take advantage of this silence to sleep."
Everyone settles down. Spock chooses to imitate Kirk and lies down near the food. He sees Uhura do the same next to Chekov and talking to him in a low voice. They all pretend they do not notice the tears in the young man's eyes. It is an anxiety-inducing situation. Chekov is not weak, only human. Spock has enough humanity in him to understand the difference.
Just like the day before, Spock only has enough time to think he should meditate before he falls asleep.
A cry in the night wakes him up.
"A drink!"
Everyone stands up. It is Cho who is crying. Spock gets up to look for a water bottle in the supplies box, but Kirk stops him by the arm.
"No"
"He needs..."
"He's going to die anyway. I hoped he would go quietly in his sleep. It would have been... easier. Do not get him water. We don't have much, let's not waste it on those who will soon have no more use for it."
It's a... logical decision. But it is shocking to see Jim Kirk reason like that. The moon gives just enough light for Spock to examine his Captain's face. He fails to see any emotion in his eyes. He worries more and more about the man's mental state. But Jim Kirk is still the Captain. Spock nods. The Captain's hold on his arm gets weaker. Spock follows him when Kirk gets up to join the rest of the group, gathered around the dying man on the ground. Everyone is waiting for him to bring the water he needs, but Kirk's hands are empty.
"A drink," Cho is saying. "Please, please, I need a drink."
His eyes are no longer seeing them. Uhura places her hand on his forehead.
"He has a fever. He's delirious, Captain, he needs water."
"There is none for him. There is not enough for us if it doesn't rain soon."
"How can you say such things?" Uhura yells. "Are you planning to let him die like this?"
Kirk's face twitches.
"No. I'm not going to." He pulls out his phaser. "Step aside."
"You are not going to... I can't believe it. Not from you!"
Spock is glad someone is saying that out loud. Nyota is braver than him.
"I must. Our survival depends on the actions we take. Do we want a slow death for all or a quick death for a few? Step aside, lieutenant."
Uhura stumbles, uncertain. She looks into Kirk's eyes and collapses on the ground, white as a sheet. She seeks support from Spock, but he says nothing. He does not know if he should stop Kirk or support his decision. Right now, even Vulcan logic cannot provide answers or comfort. It seems useless when a man is dying in front of them. Spock can only count the seconds. It takes thirteen seconds before Kirk's hand shakes and the phaser falls at his feet. These thirteen seconds were one of the most terrifying moments of his life, and he saw his world die in less. Kirk's face is grey as ashes. He turns around and leaves. No one makes a move to stop or comfort him, not even Spock. Can they judge him for what he did or did not do? Spock doesn't know. Uhura is the first to snap out of it.
"How could he think of killing Cho, even for a second?" she hisses. "This is cold-blooded murder!"
Spock has no answer for her. Kirk sat near the crates, his head in his hand. He joins him. Hearing him, Kirk raises a defeated face. The man does not believe in no-win scenarios. Today, it seems he has found his. Spock would give anything to make that expression disappear from his face.
"I'm right, aren't I?" Kirk mumbles, too low for anything beside Vulcan's ears to hear. "We should do whatever it takes to ensure as many people as possible survive."
"Logic dictates it," Spock responds. He's not sure if he agrees. He should, but he's unsure.
"Logic! If we listened to logic!"
The Captain seizes Spock's hand. It's... unexpected. Spock is unprepared. Kirk learned long ago to respect Vulcan's refusal of bodily contact, and how it violates their right to privacy. They only touched twice that Spock can remember at the moment. When Spock tried to kill him after his mother's death, and a few weeks ago, when he was in distress on Earth. On that occasion, like now, Jim Kirk was far too overwhelmed to think about what he was doing. Too much lost in his suffering. Spock should push him away. He doesn't. He closes his mind and tries to ignore the fear, nausea, and horror that crush Kirk's mind.
"Survival depends on drastic measures," the Captain whispers. "What if letting him live, letting him use our resources meant a slow death for the others?"
"Captain..."
Spock must find the words. There must be words in human language good enough to help his captain. Spock's not even sure Kirk is hearing him. The pressure on his hand is getting worse. Kirk's hand is shaking. The man is sweating.
"No. No. I refuse. I won't be another... He was wrong. He was wrong."
"Jim..."
His name in Spock's mouth makes him react. Finally, he seems to have come back from where he was. Their eyes met and Spock is glad to see the fever in Jim's eyes has disappeared.
"I'll make my own decisions," Jim declares in his normal voice. "I won't let my actions be dictated by... No, not ever."
He does not give Spock the time to question his behavior. He gets up, opens the supplies box, takes one of their three bottles of water, and helps Cho swallow a few sips of water. The injured sighs in relief. The others look as relieved as him.
"This comes from my share," Jim says. "No one will miss it."
"Absurd. I am a Vulcan and better suited to withstand a long period without water. It should be taken from my share."
"Spock..."
"I insist, Captain. If we want to get out of this situation, we need you to be of a clear mind as long as possible."
As Spock hopes, this argument is enough to reach the Captain. Jim nods and helps the dying man to a last sip of water. When he gets up, Uhura puts her hand on his shoulder.
"You made the right decision, Captain."
"I wish you were right. It's only the most human one."
He goes back to his sleeping place, next to the boxes. After a brief hesitation, Spock stays near the wounded. He knows he will not sleep, not after being the witness of such distress coming from his Captain and friend. He only saw such emotional distress twice, one coming from him, and the other from Jim. But only today he sensed in Jim such horror. Jim is disgusted by his actions, by his words, and by himself, and Spock can only wonder why.
He tries to meditate but to no avail. He cannot comprehend Jim's attitude. The words he used bother Spock in particular. Some of them seem to come from another man. A ruthless man, one who believes in no-win scenarios. Jim Kirk was "not himself", to use a human expression. Spock wishes... He is not sure what he wants. To help his Captain, mostly. To support Jim. But for that, he would need to learn what troubles Jim so much. Even if their situation is particularly challenging, they've been through worse. Never before did Jim Kirk lose his temper like that, even when lives were in danger. He is compromised, but Spock cannot tell him. He didn't come to that conclusion by logic, but nonetheless, he is sure that if he relieves Jim Kirk of his command, his friend will shatter.
Unacceptable.
Spock's questions remain unanswered. He gives up on meditating, for tonight. He will try again later. If he is to be of use to Jim, he needs to be what the Captain cannot be for now, calm and confident. To strengthen Jim's human weakness not by Vulcan's logic but by Vulcan's composure. It will not be easy. The human part of him is stronger today.
When he opens his eyes, he realizes Cho has stopped breathing. The engineer stares at the sky, his eyes wide open in an expression of pain and astonishment. Only seven of them remain. Jim is right, it is awful to realize that a man's death means more chances for the group to survive. Spock looks up and watches the sunrise. His muscles tense in waiting. Soon, too soon, the bombs will fall again.
-.-.-.-.-.-.
At the eighth dawn, the silence is so loud it wakes Spock. All of the exhausted survivors are awakened by the absence of explosions, just as they would have been awakened by their presence. It became a familiar noise after all. One by one, they raise their head, a desperate hope appearing on their hollowed faces. These last six days, they have only eaten a few crumbs at a time. They have slept on rocks and dry earth. Six long days, and now, the silence.
"Is it over? Are they coming for us?" Uhura whispers. Her voice is empty.
Everyone turns toward Kirk. The Captain shakes his head.
"Not yet, I think. The Federation has arrived. The Unionists and Republicans are putting on a show. They want Starfleet to see that they can be reasonable, as long as the Federation does exactly what they want."
"And they won't."
"They can't. We all know the protocol for hostage situations. When they refuse to comply, the bombing will resume, to show the Federation that their threats are serious. But the tactic won't work for the Federation."
He is right. A few hours later, they hear a long hissing, and then the earth shatters near them. None of the people in the trench jumps. They are resigned and no longer have the strength to revolt against this storm of rock and metal. Uhura stays where she lied for the last two days, curled up in a corner. She moves only when Kirk distributes the food. Chekov remains focused on the communicator. He still tries to modify it day and night, even when there's no more light to see what he's doing. The two security officers are the ones trying the hardest to maintain what little strength they have left, forcing themselves to pace back and forth in their open-air prison for a few minutes every day. Fial says they may need to defend the team if someone decides to finish them off quietly.
Spock approves. He forces himself to do the same morning exercises before he tries to meditate. He is mostly unsuccessful but it helps him to not think too much about the hunger which begins to devour him from the inside. He still has some reserves of strength, but his attention is focused only on food. Sometimes, he can smell meals from his childhood on Vulcan. Even the images of meat, raw or cooked, make his mouth water.
Once again, he forces himself not to think about hunger and sits next to the Captain. Jim's usual place is near the food crate. It is nearly empty now, but he seems more comfortable when he stays near it. Illogical, maybe, but they live in a place without logic, only noise and hunger.
"Captain," he salutes between two explosions.
"Spock, we are starving to death. Do me a favor, and forget I'm your superior."
"Jim. The food is gone. We need to do something or you will not last very long."
"Worried about us weakly humans?"
"Yes."
Spock is ready to admit he is scared. He fears for Nyota and Chekov who have been losing weight more visibly these last two days. He also fears for VanDyck who is suffering martyrdom from her multiple fractures, and fears for Fial who looks ready to crack despite her discipline.
Even Spock is compromised. Faced with his family's suffering, he cannot remain detached. The worst is seeing Jim's slow agony. His friend is emaciated and Spock suspects he's eaten less than the others. He stays by himself and does not even try to comfort his crew, just watching them from afar, as if he wanted to disconnect from them. He moves slowly, to spare his strength. His eyes betray his exhaustion. Spock looks for something to say, anything that could ground Jim here with them. Before he can speak, a delighted smile, his most sincere smile since the explosion, spreads across Jim's face. There are waterdrops on his forehead. With the explosions, they did not hear the thunder.
"Look, Spock, it's raining," he whispers with childlike joy.
Growing up on Vulcan, Spock usually viewed rain with a mixture of revulsion and envy. Today, he is so happy to see it he raises his head to feel the water on his face and in his mouth. Uhura laughs and gets up to dance. Chekov has the reflex to cover the dismantled communicator to protect it before indulging in the same childish joy.
Quickly, Jim sits up. There is a new energy in his eyes, something like hope.
"Everyone, take off your shirts!"
"I beg your pardon?"
Fial looks offended. Jim follows his own command and explains himself.
The water will saturate our clothes. When the rain stops, we'll wring them to retrieve the water. Spock, help me open those crates!"
It is a good plan. They all rush to obey, except for VanDyck, still pinned to the ground. They tear the tops of the crates and eject their contents to collect rainwater. At first, it seems the rain won't last and they try not to cry, then suddenly it turns into a storm. They're shaking from the cold, but all continue to press their uniforms over the two usable containers.
When the rain finally stops, they've got just over one inch of water at the bottom of the two crates. It is not much, but it is also the most precious thing in the world. Exhausted, they let themselves fall into the mud. More than the other, Spock is shivering with cold. Jim offers him a sympathetic smile. He sits up, his back full of mud, tired, thin, but hopeful. No one speaks, the whistle of the bombs drowning their voices, but they exchange smiles and handshakes. The group's spirits have been raised by the rain, but now they need to rest. It was too much activity for how little they had to eat.
At dusk, the artillery goes quiet again and they get up to drink. Jim's smile disappears as he hands everyone a tiny piece of moldy bread.
"It's the end of our provision. Eat it now."
Fial tries to protest.
"I can go without it for a little longer."
"Eat. There is nothing worse than eating after a few days of starvation. You wouldn't be able to keep it down. And we don't want someone to try to snatch it from you by force. Eat, it's an order."
Everyone swallows this last bite under the Captain's hollow gaze. He turns his ration between his fingers, then forcibly puts it in Chekov's hand. The young man tries to give it back.
"Captain, I cannot accept."
"Yes, you can. I order you too. You need it more than me."
"Won't you follow your own advice?" Uhura protests. "You haven't eaten more than us. I suspect you ate even less to make sure we did."
"And so? It's my right, as the Captain."
"We need you alive."
"I can go longer than you without food." He's starting to get angry.
"How would you know?"
"Because I've already done it!"
He screams these words and goes white, realizing what he just said. He gets up before they can think of something to say and walks away to the other side of the trench, where he hit the water-soaked trench wall. Everyone chooses to look elsewhere. They can't even look at each other. Spock shivers, but not from the cold.
"What did he mean, he's already done it?" Chekov finally asks in a broken voice.
"I don't know," Uhura whispers. "I'm not sure I want to know." She turns her head to Spock. She's crying. "We can't let him, Spock. We can't let him sacrifice himself for us..."
"It is his choice. Survival depends on drastic measures."
Fial freeze.
"How dare you say that?" she spits.
"I am just repeating..."
"The words of a murderer."
"Explain yourself, lieutenant."
"These words, I've heard them before. They are from Kodos' speech during Tarsus IV's massacre. He used them to justify his crimes. I was part of the rescue mission. He didn't think to erase the record before he fled, or died, no one found out. Did you go digging through the Starfleet archive to listen to it? It was never publicly released. Rightly so. I nearly puked when I saw it."
"Those are not Kodos' words, but Jim's. He..."
Hunger makes his mind slow. He only understands now what it must mean. It must be his own horrified expression that he can see on Uhura's face. He does a quick mental calculation. The result is telling. A cold rage grows in him. Right now, he could kill. Nothing, apart from his mother's death, has ever made him so angry at the universe.
"It can't be," Uhura weeps. "He would have been thirteen."
"There were children who survived," Fial adds, eyes closed. "I saw them from afar. I never thought Captain Kirk..."
"No. It is too horrible. It can't be."
Her cry of denial is cut off by the familiar hissing of a bombshell. It is still night, but the explosion's glow lights up their defeated faces. They all shut down. It is easy to despair when you lose the only thing that kept you sane, sleep. This time, the bombing lasts for three days and three nights, uninterrupted. They cannot sleep. They cannot think. The continuous noise makes them nearly deaf. Even Spock's heartbeat seems to be nothing more than the echo of the detonations.
On the second night, a bomb explodes too close to the trench. In the morning, they discover VanDyck's body. She died, crushed under the avalanche of rocks and dirt. She couldn't get away. No one heard her die. Spock is the only one with enough strength left to cover her body. After that, the humans and Fial all cluster together. Touching is the only language they can share to comfort each other.
Spock remains on the side. He is trying to retain what little control he has left. He abandoned all hope to meditate. The thought of eating and sleeping is the only one he can focus on. But there is nothing left to eat and only a few sips of water left.
They wait, for death or rescue, whichever comes first.
Finally, the bombing stops, without warning. Without the thunder, they still cannot sleep. The world is too quiet and they are lost. They lie down under the blazing sun, next to each other, for a long time. Eventually, Spock reaches for their treasure, which they've held onto until now. He passes the last cup of water to his neighbor. Everyone takes a sip of water. It is not enough, and it is over. Jim is the last one to drink. He looks up at Spock. His face is marked with pain, his lips cracked with thirst.
"It won't be long now," he exhales.
Spock must agree with him, even if it costs him. Jim is exhausted. He no longer tries to fight. It is the first time Spock sees Jim ready to give up, and it is the most terrifying thing he's ever seen. The others are no better. Nyota was always thin, but now it's frightening to look at her. Spock can see all her bones under her skin.
A pitiful laugh escapes Jim.
"I thought it was over. But I'm still there, aren't I? It seems my destiny was to die starving in the mud."
"Tarsus. You were there, weren't you, Jim?" Uhura asks.
"I was. And you know what? All I can think about is that I'm no better than him. Kodos. What if he was right?"
"He wasn't." Fial proclaims. "The man was a monster."
"If I had a way to be sure one of you would have survived if the other died... Would I have done it?"
Jim is very far from them, in another place and another time. Uhura squeezes Jim's skeletal hand in hers to help him come back.
"You are not Kodos, Jim. You couldn't achieve Cho, and it would have been merciful to do so."
"She is right," Spock agrees. "I will not claim to understand what happened on Tarsus, but I am sure you would have acted differently."
"And what if there was no other way than the one he choose?"
"You would have found a way. Or at least, you would have tried. That is enough to make you the better man."
Jim shakes his head, clearly unconvinced.
"You can't understand. Tarsus was..."
He collects his thoughts, opens his mouth, and gives up. Spock moves and put his hand on Jim's arm to support him. He wishes to tell him that whether Jim talks or stays quiet, he will be worth no less in Spock's eyes. He wants to tell him that he is the center of his thoughts. He wants to tell him that he turned Spock's world upside down and reduced it to crumbs before he rebuild it stronger. That he'll follow him wherever he goes, that there is no other captain Spock could follow. That Spock is his friend, the most sincere and devoted friend. That Jim is more to him than he could ever convey.
Jim's eyes move from Spock's hand to his eyes. He nods to show he understood his silent declaration of faith and gently presses his arm in thanks. His hand stays there.
"Might as well tell that story once before we die", Jim says so quietly Spock is sure he is the only one who heard it. "It will distract them from our impending death. Let's tell them a story."
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
"Tarsus,... Tarsus was worse."
-.-.-.
Translation of the first quotation:
"This brand new trench was lined with fresh earth, like a mass grave. Maybe it was to save time that we were put there alive."
Translation of the second quotation :
"On this colorless ground
Under this colorless sky
Which blurred the shapes,
We had to attack
At three hours and a half.
At three hours and a half,
The troups, whatever the cost...
Whatever the cost!
General, what did it cost you?"