Arieen looked at the monstrosity that was Caster.
"Good grief...is this the same bastard who targeted all those children?" asked Arieen.
"It is," said Saber. "He's also the same fool who mistook me for the maid of Orleans."
Arieen was about to say something before Saber's words filtered through.
"Wait...could you repeat that?" said Arieen, staring at her.
"The idiot approached my Master and I on the way to the castle, seemed to believe that I was Jeanne d'Arc," repeated Saber.
Arieen's expression filtered through a myriad of emotions, before she let out a truly gut-bursting amount of laughter.
"He...he mistook you for a woman who fought against England and was later burned at the stake for it because the Church got a bribe?" said Arieen, before she about keeled over laughing her ass off.
"It's not funny," growled Saber.
"No, it's fucking hilarious! Hell, I don't know how he mistook you for her, considering she's at least C cup and you barely rank a mid-B cup!" cackled Arieen.
Dead silence. Saber's face went beet red, and Lancer was trying desperately not to laugh his ass off at her reaction.
"Besides, Jeanne's hair went well past her waist, and the armor style was completely different. Not to mention she favored a lance with a flag, and she's at least a foot taller than you," said Arieen without thinking twice about it.
Waver stared at her.
"Wait...you've met Joan of Arc?" said Waver slowly.
"Well yeah. Jeanne was a nice girl, a bit too prudish for my usual brand of friends, but she accepted her fate with more grace than most. We both knew it was only a matter of time before the Church screwed her over, but her faith never wavered," said Arieen. "Any idea who Caster is?"
"He called himself Bluebeard," said Saber.
"Ugh...him. Why doesn't it surprise me he's the sick bastard we're dealing with," said Arieen, grimacing.
"How are we going to deal with that thing? I mean we can't wait too long," said Waver, changing the subject.
Arieen eyed the monstrosity, and then the open ocean.
"Oi Rider! Think you can dump this big bastard out past the boats there?" Arieen called out.
"Not a problem!" said Rider grinning. "I assume you have some sort of plan?"
Arieen grinned.
"Well, it's been ages since I've had an excuse to show off the armor that earned me the moniker of the Crimson Knight."
"I sincerely doubt Clarent will be sufficient for this...thing," said Saber.
"I didn't say I was going to use the sword that almost fatally wounded you in Camlann. You're not the first king I served under as a knight," Arieen shot back. That got Lancer's attention, as he hadn't been privy to that little meeting two days ago.
Arieen smirked...and tossed Waver her jacket. Saber grimaced at the sheer amount of skin she was showing, as it was positively indecent in her opinion. It didn't help that she was wearing skinny jeans that showed off her figure.
Waver knew about the 'tattoo' on Arieen's back of a magnificent pair of wings that went all the way down the small of her back. It was very detailed and if he hadn't known any better, he'd swear they were real.
So you could imagine his shock when the tattoo lifted up off Arieen's back...and formed a pair of wings that could easily carry her aloft.
Her next act was to pull off the pendant that she wore everywhere, fashion be damned. She clutched it and recited something in old Welsh that had Saber and Lancer blinking.
The wings wrapped around her, before revealing a far more mature looking Arieen.
Her body was a bit taller, not as big as Rider, but definitely older looking than Waver or even Saber. She was closer to Lancer's height now actually and looked to be in her early to mid twenties at the least. Her bust had filled out even more, causing Saber some minor jealousy she quickly quashed. In fact Waver had to pry his eyes away out of shock and embarrassment from the sheer size, which was only held back by the armor.
Arieen's armor had a skirt that went mid-way to her knee that had a mixture of red and white coloring. Her armor was form-fitting, though thankfully not to a ridiculous extent in the chest area. She wore elevated boots that were both feminine and protected the lower half of her legs from damage. The back of her armor was mostly bare, which allowed her wings to move unencumbered. Her hair was held back in a ponytail which went down her neck and brushed the top of her wings, with her bangs held back by a rather cute braid.
Upon her brow was a circle that looked like wings, with gems implanted along the precious metals. It wasn't some big bulky thing, but a tasteful circlet that served to draw you to her green eyes. There was some ethereal quality to them that drew you in and showed you worlds you never imagined.
Her hands were covered in gauntlets, with her left arm holding a collapsible shield.
All in all she portrayed the very image of a warrior maiden, and not one that would screw around.
"Wha...What? Why do you suddenly look older than Saber?" said Waver.
Arieen laughed, a tinkling sound that made his heart leap.
"If I went about like this all the time wearing the clothes I normally do, then I'd get no end of harassment from those I have zero interest in."
Saber snorted at that, without meaning to. Her clothes were barely acceptable in her previous form. If she walked around like that with a bust that big, they would barely be considered decent for polite society. Never mind the fact that they'd cover next to nothing in the lower regions.
Waver considered the mental image and then snorted.
"How is that any different from all the times you go around the apartment with barely any clothes on in general?" he shot back. "Or the number of times you walk out of the shower without even a towel on to your room?"
"Touche," snorted Arieen.
Arieen made a massive jump that caused a small crater to form where her feet had been. Waver almost got knocked over by the blast of air pressure she let off.
Seeing her hover above, Waver was both happy that she at least had shorts under that skirt and disappointed about the lack of free show.
He was still a guy after all.
Seeing her drop her sword, Waver was utterly confused...until the sword began to glow and suddenly became a massive flower stalk. The glow that came off it was enough to illuminate the night to the point you could mistake it for day.
"Oi Rider, drop the bastard already!"
Seeing the monstrosity dumped a decent distance away, Arieen cheerfully blasted it with her magic.
It disintegrated into nothing.
She cackled at the dumbfounded expression on Saber's face.
Waver was hitting Arieen's stash fairly hard. To be fair, she had given him plenty of reason to indulge in her favorite hobby of social drinking.
Rider certainly didn't have an issue with this, since Arieen was nice enough to share her better stash.
"So, what are your plans once we return to England?"
"Eh. A few things are going to come to a head in a year or two, so I want to get ahead of that since events didn't go the way I liked much. And I need to kickstart the process of turning Arturia into a fairy so she can get some overdue therapy. There's a few high paying therapists who owe me favors who can hopefully knock her head on straight. Other than that I might be out of contact for a few years."
After that meeting with her father's shade, Mordred had finally bothered to look at the date and realized that her original body had been born about seven months ago.
Which meant that she would have to actually remember events she had long since moved past thanks to time and copious amounts of alcohol.
When she did her best to move past the fog of alcohol, she realized her original self was about to start their fifth year, which in her opinion was the worst of them all.
Yeah...she really needed to get on top of that, if for no other reason than to kill that damn toad.
Waver noticed Arieen looked contemplative.
"What are you planning?"
"Planning on how to screw over a number of plans without actually disrupting the timeline," said Arieen.
Waver put down his drink and stared at her.
"What?"
"How would you feel about doing some private tutoring?" asked Arieen. "All expenses paid, and you still get free rent and utilities."
"What's the catch?" asked Waver suspiciously.
"You have to deal with a traumatized fifteen year old witch with trust issues who's being raised like a sheep for the slaughter," said Arieen.
Waver stared at her. She stared back.
"Do I really want to know?"
"It involves a ritual gone wrong, a time turner used at the worst time and far too much alcohol," she replied.
"...I'll take that as a no," said Waver sagely, correctly guessing that it had something to do with why Arieen's luck was so damn chaotic.
And honestly, her past self could have done far worse than to end up with Waver.
After a few more drinks, Waver asked who he would be tutoring and why.
"You'll be tutoring the girl-who-lived, and the reason why is because her current living arrangements are absolute shit," said Arieen. "Still can't believe I ended up my own ancestor, I mean what the fuck is with my luck..."
Waver barely managed to keep from spitting out his booze.
"Did you say you ended up your own ancestor?" he said in disbelief.
"It's some straight up Futurama type bullshit, but at least I didn't accidentally sleep with my own grandmother," she shot back.
Waver looked at the booze in his hand, then at Arieen.
"If you're going to give me any more details then I'll need something stronger than this," he said flatly. Rider laughed.
Arieen did her best to explain the girl's actual situation. In her defense, it had been literal centuries since she even thought of her old life and she had been doing her best to kill certain memories with alcohol.
Waver was in disbelief. He had also wisely picked up a stronger proof, because the one he had before wasn't enough to handle this.
"So from what you're telling me, this girl has been through hell and the wizards have been putting her on a pedestal for years now. And if that wasn't enough, she only barely avoided being turned into an Obscurial through sheer blind luck. Why haven't you done something before now?"
"I had done my best to forget a lot of things that the fact I was within the same timeline as my original self slipped my mind," she replied.
"...I believe you. I don't see why you think dumping her on me is a good idea though."
"Like hell am I letting the Order of the Crispy Fried Chicken keep her like a caged bird while at the same time expecting her to solve their problem," deadpanned Arieen. "Last time that senile bastard died when she was sixteen, so we just need to play keep away for a couple of years. Besides, we both know there are fates far worse than death when you're in the hands of a Magus."
Waver snorted.
"So you're using her as bait," he summed up.
"That and I'm giving the Ministry a monumental screw you," said Arieen cheerfully.
Waver considered his options, but as always Arieen's offer was too tempting to resist.
"Fine, I'll take her in and help tutor her as a Magus," he said.
"Great! Just so you know I found where that bastard Kayneth has been hiding, so if you want to go and deal with that we can do so while you're too drunk to contemplate the fact you're about to murder the bastard."
Waver looked at the dagger with some distaste, but had to admit it felt weirdly good being able to stab the bastard in the back like he deserved.
A Magus walked hand in hand with death, and sometimes you had to get your hands dirty.
That being said, Arieen felt glad she was able to at least give Lancer a chance to die with some dignity. From the looks of things, Saber's actual Master had planned to double-cross Kayneth anyway and wouldn't have let Saber kill the Servant with the dignity befitting a knight.
Arieen had no issue with Kayneth's fiance, and she wasn't entirely sure what condition the woman was in. Nor did he care.
Her green eyes stared down Saber's actual Master.
"So. You're the poor bastard who summoned my old man. Can't say I blame you for dumping her on the Homunculus."
Kiritsugu briefly wondered why he couldn't have summoned Mordred instead of Arturia. Then he remembered the headaches she had caused already and dismissed it.
"Any particular reason you had Rider grab me?" he asked. Rider could kill him without any issue at all, so he wisely didn't struggle.
"I'm not stupid enough to let someone who specializes in killing experienced Mages roam free while my friend is dealing with his asshole mentor," deadpanned Arieen. "Waver wouldn't stand a chance."
Waver had finished throwing up, as he had never actually killed someone before. At least not in cold blood.
Once they were safely away, Rider released the Magus Killer. Saber rather pointedly didn't try to free her Master.
He had deserved it after all.