Arieen looked to her father and asked, mostly to confirm something.
"Undead don't count in regards to the whole observers thing, right?"
"Undead infestation doesn't count," agreed Arturia. "Especially with such a high risk of infection."
As one, both of them sheath their swords...and then pulled out enchanted shot guns.
Arieen was absolutely cackling as she kept getting headshots. The Servants were giving her and Arturia odd looks the entire time, as they cheerfully blasted their way through the ghouls.
"What is with you two?" demanded Atlanta.
"Do you have any idea how many games and movies are out there regarding a zombie outbreak? No way are we missing out a chance to have some fun and cut loose!" said Arieen grinning.
Arturia blasted another ghoul with glee, her expression in firm agreement. Ruler showed up and gave the two grinning lunatics an odd look, before ignoring them. This didn't count as breaching the unofficial rules, so it wasn't her problem to deal with.
The two had great fun blasting zombies, though it was cut short when the Servant was killed off.
Arieen looked disappointed her fun had ended so soon.
"I had twenty, how about you dad?" she asked.
"A respectable fifteen. I must admit the knock-back was a bit off-putting, so my aim was a little off."
Arieen gave her father a fist bump, which Arturia reciprocated.
A few hours later...
"Shirou, could you repeat that?" said Arieen, with an odd tone.
Whatever she heard had her putting the conversation on speakerphone, which resulted in everyone else staring at the device in her hand.
"We stole the Grail. The thing's mostly broken anyway, and Rin was unable to stop us. Besides, the only one who's likely to really object are the Einzbern at this point," repeated Shirou.
Jeanne twitched.
"What."
"Okay, why?" said Arturia, baffled.
She could feel a slight wince at the other end, because Merlin was still laughing his ass off that they had actually done it to begin with.
"Well if Arieen finds them entertaining, then what about other Magi? From what Merlin said, the only reason this thing takes place every sixty years is from the quality of the leyline it's on. So what if it was relocated to an area of much higher magical density?" said Shirou, explaining his reasoning.
Arieen...had a rather amusing look on her face. To be fair, there was a few mostly unoccupied islands near Tenebrae that were used for farming and experimental purposes. If given sufficient warning, there was no reason that a Grail War or five couldn't be hosted for others to watch. It would be interesting to see the lengths the Masters would go if they didn't have to skulk about only at night to fight.
Ruler was twitching at the thought of a much more open Grail War being hosted.
"Isn't there a rule against turning the Grail War into public entertainment?" asked Astolfo.
"Actually, there isn't," admitted Jeanne.
Arieen finally gave up and started cackling.
"Good job," she wheezed. "This is sure to piss off a lot of those hide bound morons back at Clock Tower, if we turn the Grail War into the magical equivalent of the Hunger Games."
She could feel Shirou beam at her from the other end.
"I take it you three are done with your war then?"
"Archer is the only Servant left, but since Merlin sensed the thing was broken we haven't gone near the thing," admitted Shirou. "We're trying to find a way to drain the energy out so that we can move it."
"You all passed your trial, so just call the island and ask for a transport team. I'll gladly call in a few favors for this much entertainment," said Arieen cheerfully. "We'll have the full ceremony when we get back."
She hung up, and saw Mordred giving her an odd look.
"What trial?" asked Astolfo.
"The trial to become a full knight of the court, or knight mage in the case of those three. They had to participate and survive the Grail War to pass it," explained Arturia.
"What's the Hunger Games?"
Arieen grinned as she cheerfully explained the dystopian series, which she was rather fond of.
In the other world
Shirou put his phone into his pocket.
"You didn't tell her the best part about the fanboy," said Illya grinning.
"And ruin the fun of seeing Arturia flat-footed for once?" said Shirou grinning. "I mean it's pretty obvious EMIYA is going to be the same as Herne is for nee-san."
"Who's Herne?" asked Emiya. It was rather strange, being the last survivor and seeing things end well for once.
"An incarnation of Robin Hood, and the king's right hand," said Sakura. "I believe nee-san mentioned a version of him became an Archer class spirit in a Grail War on the moon, of all things."
"Oh, the ginger," said Emiya grimacing. "I remember him."
Shirou snickered at the description. Herne did have rather vibrant ginger hair. But he was a pretty cool guy.
Archer decided to change the subject.
"So about the cameras..."
"Thanks for reminding me. I'll be sure to pass one of the better ones for when the father-to-be gets alerted," said Shirou, grinning wickedly. Archer smirked.
"How long do you think it'll take for this one to be converted?" asked Illya.
"Converted?" said Archer.
"Well you want to break that silly contract, don't you?" said Illya. Archer flinched. "Fastest way to do that is to be converted into a fairy like the rest of us...well except Shirou and Rapunzel anyway."
"How does that work out?" asked Archer, curious.
Sakura beamed at him, more than happy to elaborate on the process. There were a lot of petitions to be converted to fairy, and Arieen was very selective of who was taken to the World Tree to start the process.
"Normally the review process takes a year or two, to determine whether you're a viable candidate. We get a lot of terminal patients looking for a second chance, mostly due to modern medicine not being quite there to heal their illness or injury. There's also the children who are selected from less reputable backgrounds."
"Children?" said Archer sharply.
"It's not what you think," said Merlin, shaking his head. "I was leery of that as well, but then I actually talked to them and saw the files myself. Most are from bad backgrounds, or abusive homes. Some are taken off the streets or orphanages that do less than the bare minimum of their duty to their charges. Those that have nowhere else to go and would be taken advantage of otherwise."
"Most of the knights in the kingdom are 'lost souls' that the world would have forgotten about. Only a select few are actually selected to become fairies later," said Sakura.
Mostly due to them not really needing to be converted once removed from their prior situation.
"So what happens once you're selected?" asked Archer. He'd look into it later.
"You're taken to a room filled with flowers, and find one who's seed calls to you," said Illya. "Once you've found it, it's taken to a special garden until it's grown big enough for a person to lay inside and be covered by the petals."
"Then you're taken inside the garden, touch the flower and are pulled into it. You basically take a very long nap, and when you come out you're a fairy," said Sakura.
"Of course you won't be idle once the flower is placed in the garden. You'll be required to complete a written test and agree to a magically binding contract to follow the rules of the kingdom and it's king. After all, anyone who agrees to be converted is subject to the King's Rules. You can ask for a copy of them later," said Illya absently.
"Why wait?" said Shirou. He dug into his bag, and handed Archer a decently sized book.
"You actually brought a copy with you?" said Illya blinking.
"Well yeah. Arieen always picks up someone to bring back, and with how things go in these wars I thought it prudent to bring one just in case."
"...That's fair," said Illya. After all, the last time Arieen was in Fuyuki, she brought back four people.
Archer was already skimming the book. Most of it looked to be rather reasonable, though some were a bit odd.
His eyebrows went up when he read one.
"'Never bring up the king's mother or the details of how they were conceived unless you're prepared to foot the bar bill?'" he said in disbelief.
"Arieen tends to get blackout drunk to make up for the mistake of asking Morgana how she was conceived," said Shirou. "Any allusions or hints towards her mother result in her getting very drunk and rather stab happy to anyone stupid enough to attempt to get her to stop drinking."
Archer had a rather incredulous look on his face. The knight's oath, which was on the very first page with an emblem of a Crest underneath. The symbol of a sword in a stone, followed by a list of rules that looked like something a knight would come up with. The fact they were all very familiar with Arturia, and casually knew details only hardened scholars of the Knights of Camelot would know.
"You have to be kidding me. Your king is Mordred?" he said in disbelief.
Shirou grinned and helpfully handed over a second book.
"Here's the official history book of Tenebrae and the history of our king," he said. "It's also considered required reading for the conversion process."
Archer...was fascinated from the first page. He barely even noticed when they got on the plane to Tenebrae.
Arieen took one look at Jack the Ripper and could only coo at how adorably homicidal the kid was.
Jack...was more than a little befuddled by being pulled into a massive hug by Arieen. It was warm.
"And another one is converted into her ranks," said Arturia, eyeing the way Arieen won over Assassin of all people.
Atlanta, who had been fully prepared to fight to the death should anyone harm the child-like Servant, was giving Arieen a Look. She was already in a foul mood from how things had been going, so finding ONE person who was on the same page regarding children was doing wonders for her mood.
Arturia eyed her as well. Considering what they were dealing with, odds were that several Servants would be left behind by the time this was over.
"What are the odds Arieen is going to drag home several more people?" she mused to herself.
"Pretty much a guarantee at this point. From what I can sense that other Ruler found a back entrance into the Grail and is planning to use it for his own end," said Arieen. "So why not have fun and kidnap a few heroes?"
"And by kidnap you mean..." said Atlanta.
"Eh, we'll toss you into the conversion garden, and basically incarnate you into a new body. You'll revert back to the Throne if you die, but until then you get a second chance to live. This time without that fucked-up pantheon to screw you over. Zeus and his tiny thunder-dick haven't been seen in a literal Age."
Atlanta stared at her for several seconds. Then her sides began to shake as laughter spilled out.
Gods knew that would have gotten Arieen in so much trouble in her time, but it was good to hear someone say it.
"So...adopting the tiny bloodthirsty Assassin Servant, kidnapping the cat-earred Archer...anyone else we taking home with us?" said Arturia.
"I would say Sieg, but it might be easier to wait a bit on that. Mordred definitely," said Arieen cheerfully. "And their master, because he seemed like a pretty cool guy. Not sure on who else."
Jack just snuggled closer to the nice lady. She felt like the safe place that they wanted to return to.
Two hours later, Arieen whistled as she watched the dragon fly off with the Grail.
"Bet you anything he's going straight to Avalon. Only place to dump that thing without it going off like a powder keg," she commented. Beside her were three flowers that would be dumped in the conversion garden for later.
Atlanta had taken her offer since it meant she didn't have to follow anyone's orders anymore. She was rather eager to teach the children how to use a bow properly. Mordred and Shishigo would be very, very glad to have taken Arieen's offer, as the flowers had wrapped around them mere moments before they would have died.
Arieen had been tempted to convert Jack, but the poor thing had disappeared due to the lack of power. Atlanta had been upset, but since it was the nature of a Servant to disappear without the magic to sustain them, she let it go.
"So, this war is clearly over. Want to say bye to Jeanne and the others?" said Arturia.
"Yup. Wouldn't feel right to go without saying goodbye properly," agreed Arieen.
Only to find Astolfo was now the lone Servant left behind. He had been properly incarnated, so he didn't need to be converted like Atlanta.
Arieen was more than happy to extend the offer to return with them, as Astolfo was sure to be a fun new drinking buddy. She would be right.
Some time later...
"MERCY!"
"MERCY DOESN'T LIVE HERE YOU LONG-HAIRED BASTARD!"
Arieen was howling her ass off, glad to have multiple people recording this shit. Merlin was currently running for his life from an irate Scathach, with several people watching with unholy glee. Including a white-haired Servant that had Arieen laughing when she saw him. Especially when she realized he was staring at Arturia's ass.
Merlin yelped as the spear came a little too close to his manly bits.
Today was a good day.