It had been 3 weeks since JJ had cornered her in the bathroom, and Emily had worked hard to make sure there was no repeat. She kept JJ and Penelope at arms length. Which was difficult because Emily had definitely been the main focus of their conversations. They never left her alone, always texting or calling her outside of work, making sure she was never alone when they were away, and always tried to drop in for dinner and drinks when they were at home.
Emily sat on the jet, alone as had become the norm. Following their brief in the small booth on the jet, she had removed herself from the group after Morgan made a comment about the seating area being too crowded. Lost in her thoughts, she absentmindedly ran her fingers over the plasters on her fresh cuts, recalling the memories leading up to right now. Her latest "incident", not even three hours ago.
She had gone, what she can only describe as, manic. She had just ended a particularly awful phone call with her mother which led her to break down almost immediately after pushing the red button. Emily couldn't get her mothers voice out of her head. She was so angry, so disappointed. She was right, Emily was nothing. She should have died in that warehouse. She put her glass of wine down and opted for the nearly empty, cold bottle of vodka in the fridge. Taking a large gulp straight from the bottle, her tears started falling. Without a second thought she launched the empty bottle at the opposite wall. Watching it smash was just the beginning, turning to the counter, she grabbed her wine glass and threw that too, closely followed by a plate and two more glasses from beside her sink. Satisfied with the destruction she had caused, Emily sank to her knees, clutched her head and cried. She cried until there were no more tears. Then suddenly like a wolf catching a scent, her head moved to the bathroom and she all but crawled to the cabinet under the sink. Tears still falling down her face, Emily pulled the doors open and pulled out a small box, she sunk back to lean against the opposite wall. Opening the box she picked up the gleaming razor. Her oldest friend. Sure she changes it every few months, but this is the one constant she's had her whole life. Holding it in her hand, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall taking a deep breath.
Suddenly pulled from her thoughts, Emily felt her phone vibrating in her pocket.
Ignoring it she moved the razor to her forearm and held strong, pushing it into her soft skin.
Her phone buzzed again. Dammit, who was trying to phone her and why were they still trying. Send a text for gods sake!
Moving her eyes to the razor on her forearm she slowly pulled it across. Gasping she relished in the cool feeling of the air hitting her exposed cut. Closing her eyes she took a breath through her nose as the droplets of blood pooled on her skin. Forming beads before slowly running down the side of her arm.
Moving the razor, she prepared to make the second cut. Pushing down and making another well rehearsed line on her arm.
As she was enjoying the feeling her phone went again. In a moment of annoyance, she pulled it out and answered
"What is it"
"Em, it's JJ. Hotch has called us in for an urgent case, I'm on my way to yours to pick you up. You'll need a go bag. I'll be there in 5 minutes."
"Great. See you then."
Emily suddenly felt her mouth go dry. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck! She looked down at the floor. At the droplets of blood that were slowly dripping from her arm.
Making a third and final cut she turned to grab a cloth from the towel rack, hissing as she pressed it against her fresh cuts. Emily was pissed off now, she had no relief from her feelings, and had no time to relish in the little bit of numbness from this world that cutting gave her. Instead of finishing her routine, she had to go sit on a plane with her coworkers before working a full case.
Pulling on her sweater and grabbing her go bag, Emily left her apartment, heading out to meet JJ.
"Hey em, sorry for interrupting your weekend. This one sounds bad. I grabbed you a coffee on the way over."
"Thanks Jayj. I appreciate the coffee."
"Oh my god, Emily! Your arm! Are you ok? You're bleeding!" JJ asked frantically.
Emily hadn't realised when she reached for her coffee she must've scratched the skin and disrupted her fresh cuts. Before she could collect her thoughts and reply, JJ had pulled the car over to a side street and to a stop.
"Shit, eh yeah JJ I'm fine, must've scratched it on something in my rush to get ready."
"Here, let me help clean it up, we don't want them getting infected or anything."
JJ was rooting around in the center console unit and wasn't paying attention to Emily.
Emily was covertly checking her cuts. Shit they were bad. If JJ seen these there was no way she could pass them off as an accident. Fuck. Her eyes flickered to JJ as she noticed her hand was outstretched towards Emily, first aid kit sitting open in her lap. Her eyes looked so kind, Emily almost gave in immediately. But she couldn't. She couldn't let JJ in. If she let her in, Emily would fall for her further and then JJ would leave. And she'd rather have JJ as a friend than not at all.
"No Jayj, I'm fine I'll deal with it when we get there.
"Don't be silly Emily, it looks like it hurt, let me clean it up and help. Let me at least see it?"
"I can handle it myself JJ."
"Cmon, I'll be two minutes" JJ reached over and grabbed her arm in attempt to pull it closer to get a better look. Unfortunately she put her hand right on one of the cuts.
Hissing in pain, Emily yanked her arm away.
"Jennifer, drop it. I don't need your help. I'm not a child. I will deal with it myself."
Jj couldn't help but feel hurt at the tone Emily had used with her. This was new, she clearly felt attacked which only solidified what JJ and Penelope had already concluded. This wasn't accidental.
"I'm sorry Jen, I didn't mean to snap. I just .. just need to deal with this myself. Ok. I'm ok, can we just get to the jet and get this case over with."
JJ didn't reply, simply put the car in gear and pulled away.