Part III

Once the parameters of the diagnostic program had been set, there wasn't much to do except monitor the readout for anomalies and wait for the results. So, Geordi had delegated the tedious task to a couple of his diagnostic engineers while he and Data crawled into the system of Jefferies tubes that ran between the decks to check out the ship's sensors.

"Sensor efficiency reads at ninety-seven percent, Geordi," Data reported, crouched on his knees in the claustrophobic space with his tricorder in his hands.

Geordi crawled a little further down the tube and opened an access panel, setting the outer plate down on the gridded metal floor.

"Yeah, that's what the instruments say," the engineer said, grunting a little as he hunkered down low enough to peer inside the complicated arrangements of physical connections and isolinear chips that made up the primary 'brain' of the ship's main sensor array. "But I like to see what's going on for myself. Especially in cases like this."

"Cases like this?" Data repeated, and tilted his head. "Do you believe the being we saw from the Observation Lounge may, in some way, have tampered with our sensor readings?"

"I don't know," Geordi said. "I don't know what we saw out there. That's why I wanted to check the sensors themselves…not just rely on the readouts, you know…"

He grunted again, reaching deeper into the access shaft. "Hey Data, hand me a frasmotic inducer, will you?"

The android obligingly riffled through their little tool box and handed the instrument to his friend.

"Thanks," Geordi said, continuing his work as Data monitored the calibrations with his tricorder. "Say, Data," he said, his voice echoing a little from the other side of the wall. "I've been wondering. Where did you get the idea to pull an April Fools' prank like that in the first place? I thought you'd decided to shelve your study of humor for now and concentrate more on your poetry."

"I cannot take full credit, Geordi," Data said, never taking his eyes from the scrolling wave patterns and numbers on the tricorder's tiny screen. "The idea was prompted by a conversation I overheard as I was leaving bridge. Commander Riker and Lt. Worf were discussing their tolerance for spicy foods. It was the commander who suggested such a prank would be 'funny'. The scenario he described was hypothetical, but—"

"But you decided to test the theory and observe the results, is that it?" Geordi said.

"Yes, Geordi," Data said.

"So, why me?"

"Based on our past interactions, I believed you would be a 'good sport.' More than that…you are my 'best friend.' Are the bonds of friendship not strengthened by such games and pranks?"

Geordi snorted a little laugh.

"I suppose a few games and pranks now and then can help liven things up. But, I'm curious, Data. Have you ever pranked anyone before today?"

"I have," Data confirmed.

"Oh?" Geordi raised his eyebrows and backed out of the hole in the wall to regard his friend. "When was this?"

"It was at the academy," Data said as Geordi tapped at a glowing wall panel, making sure his visual examination matched up with the circuit maps and digital displays. "One of my advisors challenged me to devise an April Fools' prank with a specific set of parameters. I—"

A bright, feminine giggle echoed through the access tunnel. Data's head twitched, and Geordi frowned.

"What was that? Is someone up here?"

Data tapped at his tricorder. "I am reading no life signs in this Jefferies tube beyond our own," he reported.

Geordi started scrolling through the wall panel display again, and again they heard the giggle. A light, staticky zap stung Geordi's hand, and he pulled away from the panel with a gasp.

"What the—!"

"Stop it!" the voice said, still giggling. "That tickles!"

Data's golden eyes widened, then narrowed sharply. "Geordi," he said. "That voice. I believe it was the Enterprise computer."

"Impossible," Geordi said, and roughly clicked the wall panel back into place.

"Ow! Ow! Oh, that pinched!"

"All right, who's there," Geordi demanded, turning a full circle on his knees in the cramped tunnel.

"Geordi," Data said, placing a hand on his friend's arm to keep him still. "If I may test a hypothesis…?"

Geordi wrinkled his forehead over his VISOR, but watched as Data opened the access panel then replaced it with gentle precision - only to hear the giggle again.

"How considerate," said the voice. "That's much better."

The android raised his eyebrows, sharing a look with the increasingly unsettled engineer.

"Computer," he called out.

"Yes, I'm here," the voice responded, and Geordi swallowed.

"My god, Data, that is the computer's voice," he whispered.

"Well?" the computer voice prompted. "Do you have a request?"

"Not at this time," Data said. "Thank you, Computer."

"Any time, Commander," the computer voice replied warmly, and the two officers shared an even more deeply unsettled look.

"Let's get out of here," Geordi said, already crawling toward the ladder. "I don't know what that was or who's behind it, but we have to report this to the captain."

"Agreed," Data said, but he seemed preoccupied. Casting another thoughtful gaze around the narrow tube, he gave the wall panel a friendly stroke, as he would his pet cat, Spot, then picked up the tool box and crawled swiftly after his friend.

The computer voice sighed and giggled in delight. "What a nice little biped!"

Worf marched out of the turbolift and down the carpeted corridor flanked by two stern-faced security officers. One of the ship's civilians rushed to meet them, her round face flushed bright blue.

"Thank goodness you're here!" the Bolian woman said, hurrying to stand behind the armed officers.

"You reported an intruder," Worf said.

"Yes, yes. Down that way!" She pointed and gestured. "I have never seen him before, but he seems to be in distress. He keeps calling for—"

"McGURK!" came a familiar cry.

Worf set his jaw. "Return to your quarters," he instructed the Bolian, drawing his weapon as he brushed past. The other two officers followed suit, moving with cautious speed as they turned a corner.

A little man floated there, zipping up and down, back and forth, in the same cherry-red saucer he'd been flying outside the ship. When he spotted the Klingon, his ship vanished like a popped soap bubble, as if to emphasize that he didn't need it to fly around.

"Sheesh, I'm not here ten seconds and already they call the fuzz on me," he griped. "Hey, any of you guys seen McGurk?" Popping in startlingly close to Worf, he said, "Nice forehead. Molded silicone? Or did you crash your space bike into an asteroid?"

Worf bared his teeth in a snarl and grabbed for the little man, who playfully teleported some ten feet away.

"Who are you?" Worf demanded. "How did you come to be here?"

The little man yawned hugely, covering his wide mouth with his hand.

"Good grief! Do you humorless guard/protector-types take a course in Boring? No way I'm getting pulled into this tired game again."

"I do not play games with unauthorized intruders," the Klingon rumbled dangerously. "Identify yourself at once."

"They're always so bossy, too! But, I didn't come to this dimension just to get menaced and bullied by some other muscle-headed do-gooder." The little man scoffed. "Oh, no. Not this imp. I know! How about we change things up a bit, right now at the start!"

He snapped his fingers and Worf became a cassowary, his colorful head crowned by an oversized crest. Before his security officers could react, they found themselves transformed into a pair of fuzzy little kiwis, rolling around on the carpet.

"Oh dear, my mistake!" The little man feigned chagrin. "Let's try the bird, not the fruit!"

The rolling fruit wriggled and writhed, each one swelling, then sprouting brown fur-like feathers, legs, feet, and a long beak.

"That's better!" the little man praised, and floated past the bewildered birds, only just avoiding Worf's angry, snapping beak. "Hey, watch the suit! Now, let's see… There's gotta be lots more to a fancy spaceship like this than corridors and armed security officers."

Worf looked ready to give chase, so the little man apparated himself into a turbolift, shouting, "Hey, where can I find the boss of this tin can?"

"Captain Picard is on the main bridge," the computer supplied helpfully, and the little man smiled.

"Thanks, sweetheart. You're a doll," he said. Leaning back in the air, he pillowed his head on his hands and crossed his ankle comfortably over his knee. "Take me there!"

To Be Continued...

References Include - TNG: The Cost of Living; Superman: The Animated Series - Mxyzpixilated.

Hope you liked this chapter. The weirdness is just beginning! Please review! :D