Part V

"So, what does this mean?" Picard asked, frowning at Data and Geordi over his Ready Room desk. "Are you saying the Enterprise computer has, somehow, become self-aware?"

Geordi uncomfortably shrugged his eyebrows. "I wouldn't go that far—"

"I think it is plausible to assume that is the case, sir," Data spoke over his friend.

"Data…" Geordi started, but the android stayed firm, his golden gaze fixed steadily on the captain.

"Admittedly, this development may be an aspect of the imp Mxyzptlk's influence and, as such, is likely to be temporary," Data said. "But, Commander La Forge and I did witness the computer express first discomfort then pleasure when—"

"Lt. Riley to Captain Picard."

The captain and his officers gave a concerned start at the unexpected voice on the comm. Riley was a junior security officer under Lt. Worf. If he was contacting the captain directly, it could indicate a breakdown in the chain of command.

"Picard here," the captain responded. "Report, Lieutenant."

"Apologies, Captain. I wasn't sure who to contact," the young man stammered. Wherever he was, strange squawking, thrumming grunts mingled with high, trilling squeaks in the background. "I-I tried, but I can't seem to get Lt. Worf on—"

"Calm down, Lieutenant. It's all right," Picard said in a commanding, though reassuring tone. "Just tell me what is happening. Where are you right now?"

"I'm…um, Deck 32, sir, living quarters," he said. "Several civilians have been putting in calls. Sir, there's a…a very large bird loose in the corridors here. Very angry. There are smaller birds with it – I think, maybe it's protecting its young? If those are the circumstances, I don't know…should I fire? I wouldn't want to harm—"

The captain narrowed his eyes in a scowl. "Mxyzptlk," he rumbled.

"You called?" The grinning imp popped into existence like a thought bubble over the captain's head. Data raised his eyebrows, his head tilted slightly in fascination.

Picard stood up, glaring daggers at the dapper little man.

"If you must play these games, play them with me," Picard snapped. "I will not have you terrorizing my crew with your nonsense!"

"Nonsense?" The little man pretended to look taken aback. "I would have thought a cultured specimen such as yourself would have some respect for the theatre of the absurd. After all, aren't all you 3rd Dimension mortals supposed to be hanging around 'Waiting for Godot'?"

Picard ran his palm over his face. "As if I don't get enough of this from Q!" he muttered.

"Q…Q…?" Mxyzptlk tapped his bulbous forehead with his finger. "Ah, Q! That's the vandal with the highlighter who scribbled notes all around the margins of the Travelers' Guide! How did that lout describe this particular reality plane…? Oh yes! Mostly harmless." The imp snorted. "That's a laugh. You guys seem completely harmless to me. Maybe he meant 'hopeless.'" He laughed mockingly, tilting his head back and holding his stomach.

Picard closed his eyes and fisted his hands, clearly fighting to reign in his temper. The little man watched his face closely, smiling wickedly.

"You know what?" the imp said, floating near the ceiling. "You're fun! I think I might lay off your security chumps for a while and spend some time with you. At least until you figure out a way to make me head back home. Which you won't. 'Cause you can't!"

"What do you mean?" Data asked curiously.

"Oh, right. You two weren't there when the Cap and I laid out the rules," Mxyzptlk said, glancing at Data and Geordi. "Well, it's all very complicated, but to boil it down in a way you lower dimensional primitives can comprehend, if you want me offa this ship of yours, you gotta get me to say, spell, draw or otherwise represent my name backwards. Three times. In a row!"

Geordi frowned and folded his arms. "I'd like to hear him say it forwards."

"Seriously, people, it's not that hard," the imp said. "It sounds just like it's spelled!"

"Mxyzptlk," Picard pronounced, an undercurrent of warning in his voice.

The little imp beamed. "Not bad, baldy! Now say it three times fast!"

Picard clenched his jaw.

Data seemed confused.

"Mx-yz-pt-lk," he repeated. "Then, pronounced backwards, it would be…" He glanced up at the imp. "Kilti-pill-zem?"

"What?" The imp scoffed. "And you're supposed to be the one with the positronic brain. It's Kltpzyxm."

"Kilt-pez-tip-zem?" Data earnestly tried again.

The little imp's pale face turned bright red and he shouted at the top of his lungs. "Kltpzyxm! Kltpzyxm!" he bellowed, waving his arms in frustration. "Sheesh, what a maroon! Can't you even— Uh oh… Oh, shi—"

Before their startled eyes, the angry imp seemed to stretch and vanish as if he'd been sucked out of reality by an industrial vacuum cleaner. The captain straightened in relief, then turned his pleased gaze to his officers.

"Well done, Mr. Data," he praised. "Let's hope he won't be back. Now, regarding the computer, I want a full—"

"Captain, Lt. Riley again," the security officer's voice broke in. "I'm sorry to interrupt, sir, but I thought you ought to know…"

"Go ahead, Mr. Riley," the Picard said.

"It's those birds, Captain," Riley said. "If it hadn't seen it, well…"

"Report, Lieutenant," Picard prompted.

"Oh, uh, yes sir. Captain, those birds I was telling you about… They weren't birds, sir. They were Lt. Worf and, well, maybe he should—"

"Captain," came Worf's gruff, irritated voice. "My security team and I are fine. I am returning to the bridge. Recommend we go to yellow alert until we locate and capture the hostile—"

"Mr. Data has already dispatched our little friend back to the dimension he came from," Picard told the irate Klingon. "Although, I would be willing to review any contingency plans you might come up with, should he return."

"Understood, Captain. Worf out."

Geordi regarded the captain. "Do you really think he's gone, sir?"

Picard sighed deeply. "As with Q, I'm afraid we can't truly be certain of anything," he said. "But we should not allow Mr. Mxyzptlk to keep us from our mission. I think, for now, we should concentrate on…" He frowned and moved closer to his desk, where his delicate ancient Ujjaerian statue shimmered like a rainbow.

"Mr. Data," he said. "Was this statue here when you and Mr. La Forge came in?"

"It was, Captain," the android confirmed.

Picard frowned. "Strange," he said, reaching out to carefully lift the little statue into his hands. "I didn't bring it here. Do you suppose—"

"Captain!" Data and Geordi both exclaimed, Data blinking and Geordi checking his VISOR to make sure their vision hadn't momentarily cut out.

"He's gone," Geordi said, moving from one side of the desk to the other as if to confirm. "And so's that statue!"

Data slapped his combadge. "Data to Commander Riker: Report to the bridge," he said, already striding through the Ready Room doors to take a seat at his ops station. "I will begin a scan," he told Geordi. "It is possible the captain is still aboard."

"I wouldn't bet on that, Data," Geordi said. "That imp was genuinely angry when you tricked him into saying his name like that. If he did abduct the captain…" He glanced at his friend with concern. "You might be next."

To Be Continued…

References include - Superman: The Animated Series - Mxyzpixilated; TNG: Emergence; Hide and Q; TOS: The Naked Time; Looney Tunes; Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett; The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.

Deadlines and foraging for family groceries during a state-wide stay-at-home order and figuring out how distance teaching works - oh my! I keep feeling like I should re-read The Decameron. Or maybe write an updated kidlit version: 100 tales about the fears and anxieties of social distancing during a global pandemic! I don't know. Well, anyway, I did my best to have an update ready for this story by April Fools' Day, but I just couldn't make it. But Mxy's not done with the Enterprise yet! There's even more weirdness still to come so Stay Safe, Stay Tuned, and Please Review! :D

In-Progress Stories Update List: Next in Line - Mind The Gap. Then, Croaked. Thanks so much for your comments and nudges!