Reviews:
Dragon'z Wrath: Yes, for realsies. Mark hasn't fought for two weeks, give or take a day. Softened him up by living on a farm.
iTealblast: True, but smiles are!
AnalPoptarts: Eh, probably should've clarified that. But I'll leave it there! Armor (to Mark) only looked like Twilight with having a paler color in his mane, just like her. Other than that, to Mark, he looks like anything except Twilight's brother. Didn't get a good look at Armor's ass tattoo before getting his ass handed to him by his doppelganger.
Mini Glossary:
Schisse: German for shit.
I woke up in really bad pain. And blind. Did I mention that I was in pain and blind?
Whoever makes movies that show the main character get up like he didn't just get his ass handed to him needs to be shot. Jesus it hurt to move my head, but my nose was broken and I needed to fix it, and quickly.
'Sonofafuck I hope I don't have to do that again...' I grimly thought after fixing my nose and holding back a scream this time. I knew that I was only trying to reassure myself, but I held onto the thought with an iron grip. Moving my hand around the ground, I noted that it was a little dusty and slightly glass-like. I also had my ceremonial sword in its sheath, but from what I could tell, my rifle was nowhere to be felt or found.
"Well that figures..." I muttered, and heard something shifting in the darkness. "Who's there?" I called out, slowly and painfully getting to my feet, a little drunkenly.
"I could ask you the same question..." A feminine voice replied.
"The REAL Princess Cadence?" I asked, shuffling towards her voice, not wanting to fuck my nose up again.
"Only if you can prove that you're not a Changeling." She replied.
"I just got the schisse kicked out of me. Even though I'm a Marine, I'm not afraid to admit it." I grunted, holding my aching side.
'Unless another human ends up here for some reason...' I added in my head.
"Anyway, do you have a way of lighting up our prison? Bloody difficult when I can't see dick." I asked.
"I can tell you're not a Changeling, due to you using words that Timeithian knows. I know a spell, but it's a little wearing for long periods of time." Cadence replied, before slowly lighting up the cave, allowing our eyes to adjust. Cadence's magic aura was a somewhat light blue, which calmed me a little.
"So, what can you tell me about yourself while we're trapped down here?" I asked, poking around the walls.
"I'm the Princess of Love. I used to be a foal-sitter. I'm supposed to be getting married." She deadpanned at the last one.
"Who'd you babysit?" I asked, scraping at a suspicious dirt patch, getting crystal instead of a hole or something.
"A lot of Unicorns that live in Canterlot. From what Timeithian told me, you know one of them." She said.
"He prefers to be called Dawn." I said, pointing at her. "And how come you haven't tried to escape yet?"
"Magical interference and too weak at the moment even if I could." She admitted.
"Alrighty then. So, was the Unicorn I know Rarity?" I asked, glancing around again before drawing my sword and turning it into a sledgehammer.
"No, it wa-" She started, but was cut off as I smashed the 20 pound head into a wall, and let out a yelp of pain as I dropped the hammer, clutching my right arm. All I got for my efforts was a small chunk of crystal, the size of a golf ball.
"Note to self; don't try that again..." I panted, trying to feel my arm. All that I achieved was pain.
'Yup. It's fucking broken...' I thought furiously.
"Are you alright?!" She asked, wearily getting onto her hooves and coming to me as I clutched the broken part as gently as possible.
"You wouldn't happen to know any healing magic, would you?" I asked, trying to ward off the pain. She shook her head worriedly, causing me to sigh. "Fuckin' figures... Well, I'm not alright at the moment. Impact broke my bloody arm. And Christ knows how long we're going to be down here..." I answered, frowning. Cadence looked very worried, but also looked confused.
"Who's Christ?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. I sighed and gingerly sat down, not wanting to rupture an artery and end my life.
"To know who Christ is, you have to know what religion is. Do you?" I started, looking up at her.
"No..." She muttered.
"Don't worry 'bout it, I'll explain. Celestia and Luna move the sun and moon, correct?" At her confirmation, I continued. "What if, one day, they just suddenly disappeared without a trace? But the sun and moon continued moving? Would you believe that they were still doing it?"
"Of course." She said, probably thinking I was dumb.
"You have no proof that they are! That's pretty much what religion is. A long time ago, some humans saw something extraordinary but couldn't explain it, so they made up gods for it. Gods were doing the same thing that Celestia, Luna, you, and Dawn are known for doing. Nobody except a few claimed to have saw them in person, but they worshiped them anyway." I said what I could remember about Egyptian and Greek gods. "Over time, religion branched out from many gods to one God, and the people who worshiped the one God were called Jews. From the Jews branched out Christians, who followed the Son of God, Jesus Christ. I'm an Atheist but I use Jesus' name from time to time without insulting His name. Don't know if there is really a God out there, but I honestly don't want to be on his bad side if there is." I explained.
"Hm..." She said, clearly delving deeply into her mind to think. I simply glared at the walls, wishing that I had my rifle at the moment.
'Oh crystal wall, you're soooo bloody lucky my magical beating stick can't turn into a M79 'China Lake'...' I thought with a vengeance wishing them to explode. As if on some unknown command, they did, sending dust everywhere. When we finished coughing and the crystal dust faded, Twilight was standing there. Or a Changeling, but I wasn't taking my chances.
"If you're Twilight, you'll know why I didn't wear my cover on in the train." I said, unsheathing my sword with my good hand before she could react. If she wanted to, I wouldn't be able to keep a grip on the sword handle.
"You said it was because of some military tradition..." She said after a moment, eying the sharp object an inch from her face.
"This Cadence is the real one. We both got knocked out and trapped here." I explained, before painfully straightening my arm.
"What happened?!" Twilight asked worriedly. I shot a glance at Cadence, who mouthed, 'not a soul.' Pleased, I looked back at Twilight.
"Stairs seem to hate me. Mind fixing it?" I half pleaded. Twilight nodded and shot a purple laser at my arm, making it tingly and give off a small stab of pain before it fixed itself. Flexing my fingers, I looked past Twilight and noticed a tunnel.
"I should probably cast an endurance spell on you, along with a speed spell..." Twilight muttered, before doing so. "There, now you can keep up with us!" She declaired, before nodding at Cadence and running down the tunnel, me following. Due to Twilight doing her voodoo Unicorn magic upon my face, I was able to keep up with them easily. Then Cadence started singing.
"Why is she singing?" I quietly asked as Cadence stopped for a moment to rest, kneeling next to Twilight.
"I don't know." She replied just as quietly. As we went around the fucklarge caves, I only feared for my life once. We had to go down for some reason, using a mining cart. Well, I ended up flying at the end, and since I have neither wings or magic, I flew like a fucking rock. Twilight caught me though, causing me to sigh in relief.
"Figures..." I muttered as we stopped in front of a cave in.
'Has to be another way out...' I thought, the Hollywood Undead song coming to my mind for some reason. I shrugged inwardly as Cadence finished her song, and indeed saw another way out. Poking Twilight, I pointed up at the ledge that had the most beautiful thing I've seen today streaming out of it.
"There's sunlight up there. Think you can teleport the three of us?" I said. Twilight nodded, closed her eyes, and we appeared with a pop on another ledge, but this time there was a wide ass tunnel leading outside. My joy was interrupted quite suddenly, however.
"You're not going anywhere..." Three mares dressed up as flower girls omiously said, stalking closer to the three of us. I noticed that Lyra was one of them, along with Colgate.
'I don't know which one of the two scares me more; Colgate or Lyra. Lyra's just interested in humans, while Colgate gave me the scariest grin a pony could give when I had a quick checkup two days ago. And the fact that I woke up three hours later with my mouth strongly tasting of mint didn't help. I CAN STILL TASTE MINT!' I thought at the speed of light, wearily watching as they got closer.
Author's Note: Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddd... Cliffhanger!