Reviews:
Dragon'z Wrath: I find it funny that most people think it's ideal to be welding a shotgun as your firearm in a zombie apoclypse. The only way I'd be using a shotgun is if it's like Left 4 Dead's zombies; not actual zombies, just very sick people with no traces of humanity/sanity/inb4sanityisrelative left.
LexiconHuka: *Laughs as the Laser detonator doesn't do shit when firing at someone*
AnalPoptarts: Neither can I!
buttershoes: Probably the latter, because zombie pegasi can still use their wings, although they fly slowly. Zombies can do what normal people can, save for activities that require actual thought.
dannymxyz: That snakebite thing rarely works normally. If she did it with zombie infection, the both of you would get infected, due to her placing her mouth where there can be zombie spit/blood, and you for having the virus in your bloodstream. The safest methods for curing are immediate amputation(10% success) or bullet to the brain bucket(100% success).
iTsTealblast: More like very slowly update. Yes, I am working on other stories, but that's not really the reason. I'm going to stop updating (for the most part) this story once I reach a certain time in it, and switch over to an alternate path of this story. I'm doing it like this so both you and I won't get confused by the chapter uploads.
After seeing how Spike acts around Rarity, it wasn't that hard to notice that he was either in love with Rarity or he was constantly hungry around her (I'm surprised that I haven't noticed before now, myself.). I get the same feeling. The hunger, that is. Rarity reminds me of a marshmallow that can do magic and coat you in sequins while making your clothing strangle you at the same time. I've never mentioned that I hate ties and suits unless it's my uniform, though.
Anyway, I told him to grow some balls and to go tell her his feelings. At the time, I didn't know that she and Blake had evolved from housemates to fuck buddies, and she told me after he left that half of the reason was that she viewed him as a good friend. The other half was that it wouldn't be good in the long term if she shared his feelings. (She also explained a brief moment where Spike went apeshit and nearly destroyed the town because he became a greedy bugger.)
I overheard him mutter something about trying with Sweetie Belle as he left, just because this seemed important. I think she's smitten with him, myself.
"Hey, Mark. You see two new humans around lately?" Dawn asked me the next morning as I was walking towards the Spa, cracking my knuckles a little.
"No, you bring them? Or did Luna?" I asked, being honest in my answer. There wasn't anybody new in town, besides an old donkey named Cranky Doodle Donkey. Pinkie Pie made up a song about him that was eerily similar to 'Yankee Doodle Dandy'. She also pulled his love out of her ass (Get it?), got them back together, and made him tolerate her. Apparently, she was living here for a while.
'Donkey from Canterlot comes into town; ponies regard him with disinterest. Zebra from Africa comes into town before they got educated, they act like she's the plague.' I thought, narrowing my eyes a little. 'Fucking ponies and their racism.' I talked to AJ about that; seems that being called racist is being called ignorant around here. Seems fitting. Duran's doing his best to educate the young'uns about other sentient species. Two brats, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon (Mainly DT) are making it a little hard for him.
"I did, but I haven't seen hid nor hair of them yet... Maybe they're in the Everfree?" Dawn mused, looking at me.
"I ain't going back into that shithole unless those damn zombies aren't mobile!" I instantly said, shoving a finger in his face.
"I would be more worried if they were! Damn, man. You even have a fucking Humvee, if they are out there you can just run them over with it when you're on a path!" He replied, batting my hand away with a hoof. Now that I thought of it, he was right.
"Think there are any pegasi/unicorn zombies?" I asked, looking around and waving at Doc as he strolled towards the hospital. He noticed and came over.
"If they're awake and there are, the unicorns should be relatively weak in the magic department. At the most, they can stall the Humvee for a few minutes, I believe." Dawn said after a moment of thought. Doc stepped up next to us and crossed his arms.
"Need me for something, Mark?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Think we could borrow the humvee for... two days at the most?" I asked. "We have two humans running around in the forsaken forest that Fluttershy thinks is a good idea to live next to."
"I'll come with, just in case one's injured. I'll go have a word with my boss and swing the humvee over by the farm." He said, before jogging off.
"Go get Callum and Blake. Can't fit anymore in comfortably if one of us get injured." I said to Dawn.
"What about Duran?" Dawn asked, looking around.
"Cheerilee's sick, so he can't come." I replied, before going and telling Aloe and Lotus that I'd be risking my ass for somebody for two days at the most. They understood, after I telling them it's what I did for a living before I came here, and let me leave, with half pay anyway.
[Later. I've been doing this a lot, haven't I?]
"Are ya sure 'bout this, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked as I checked a magazine to the M16s.
"Yea, AJ, I am. Don't worry, I've done stuff like this before." I said, smiling at her.
'Though not in a jungle environment...' I silently added, and watched as Dawn's eye twitched suddenly.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked, placing the magazine in a crate near the seats.
"There's four of them now. Luna sent one, and Celestia sent the other." He said, eyes widening. My eyes reflected his, and Callum was confused.
"What's wrong?" He asked, oblivious to what that meant.
"Think she sent him to act as an assassin?" I asked, slipping on my bulletproof vest and reinforced cammies (courtesy of Dawn.), while checking my M60.
"Most likely. They're both from WWII, and I can faintly detect that one's German..." He said.
"Son of a bitch..." I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "Right, at least we're lucky enough that I'm half German, and I fluently know the language. I might get a few words wrong, but I could hold my own against him in a verbal debate."
"Good luck, I know you're gonna need it." Dawn said as Callum, Blake, Doc, and I climbed in.
"Same to you. Try and persuade Celestia that we're not gonna overthrow her unless she deserves it." I said, loading up the turret. "Doc, you're gonna need to wear your helmet, we have fellow WWII soldiers out there, and one of 'em is a German." I told Isaac, slapping the roof and causing Callum to drive forward.
"Alright, here's the plan!" I yelled down to them once we were on a trail in the forest. "We're doing a search and rescue in this hellhole! We're looking for four humans! Two of them are confirmed to have died in WWII, so we have to tread a little carefully, since one of them's German! I honestly don't know about the other two, since Dawn didn't give me enough Intel about them. Any questions?"
"None, sir!" They called up, getting serious'd up in a split second.
"There's a group of zombies in here that I've had the 'luck' to encounter my first night in here. Their eyes glow red, so if you see that, tell me and I will make sure they're eradicated from the face of this planet." I added after a moment, looking around. "Dawn said that they're not out right now, but I don't want to take anything to chance."
"Shit!" Callum suddenly said, braking hard and almost sending my face into the .50 turret.
"What is it?" I called out, readjusting my helmet.
"There's a roadblock in the form of a fallen tree." He said, opening the door and walking over to it, Blake following after a moment. I made sure to keep an eye out for them as they moved it out of the way.
"Son of a bitch! That's gonna take some time to clear out..." Blake groaned after they moved the tree, only to find more blocking them.
"Go help them, Doc. I've got ya'll covered." I said down to the Medic, who complied and went to help them.
'They don't look like they've fallen down naturally... Some asshat's cut them down to hinder our progress...' I thought, frowning a little as the forest suddenly seemed to close in around me.
"Be careful over there! Seems like a trap to me..." I called out, looking around.
"Probably because you're still feeling like you're in Afghanistan!" Blake yelled back.
"Shut it! Callum came in from Mogadishu! That place was ten times worse!" I said, causing Callum to nod slowly.
"Died in the only place where the Militia was able to launch a counterattack on short notice. It's been about six months, and I've already forgotten the name of it. It's something Market..." He said, shaking his head and moving the next log with the others.
"My condolences then." Blake said, and rustling from behind me caused me to swivel the turret around, expecting glowing red eyes. As I tried looking through the darkness, I sorely wish I asked Duffy for his night vision goggles.
"Mark! Something in the forest brought another human in!" Dawn shouted through the radio, startling me. I quickly took a seat and replied.
"Well what the hell was it?!" I half yelled, drawing a borrowed M1911 and looked through the windows.
"I don't know, and that worries me! There's five people running around in that place now, and I think the zombies are awake!" He frantically yelled, causing me to swear.
"Well we're fucking stuck right now. We got a fucking roadblock up here, and something cut the trees down." I replied, and I could practically hear Dawn's eyes widening.
"IT'S A FUCKING TRAP! GO AROUND!" He literally screamed, probably using what Williams said Luna sometimes uses, the Royal Canterlot Voice. I could practically feel the wind around me become hurricane strength for a second.
"SHIT! GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!" I screamed, getting back on the turret and gritting my teeth as red eyes started popping up all around us.
"Doc, Blake! Get back to the truck! This is the last one!" Callum ordered, gritting his teeth as he slowly pushed what appeared to be the last log out of the way.
"Cover him Blake! Doc, get your ass in gear, I got you covered!" I shouted, firing a couple shots at a pair of eyes that were getting closer to Doc, who was scrambling towards me. Brass casings started pooling around my feet as I kept firing at anything that came close, and suddenly, a filly with her eyes clamped shut bolted out of the darkness and slammed into Doc, tripping him and sending him into the side of the Humvee, face first.
"Fuck!" He groaned, holding his face in one hand as he groped for the door handle with the other.
"You alright, kid?" I called down, while ripping a zombie to shreds.
"I don't think there's any goats here..." The filly groaned, stumbling to her feet as Doc got the door open.
"Yea, you're fine..." I muttered, getting down and pulling her into the Humvee as Blake and Callum booked it back to us.
"Hold on to your asses!" Callum yelled as he stomped on the accelerator, sending me to my ass and smashing the back of my head against the trunk. The filly sprawled across my chest, and when she opened her eyes...
...they were fucking glowing.
Author's Note: Cliffhanger! I'm evil, aren't I? :P
Also, I've been lurking in the Halo/MLP area again, and I just realized something; I've never made Pinkie Pie break the fourth wall. Huh.