Reviews:
R3v4nCh15t: thanks for the compliment and boost in my ego!
Dragon'z Wrath: That's a compliment to me.
missagent: No.
LexiconHuka: Rape her reputation to somebody that's dicking a different Element. May or may not be Blake, just 'cause.
DOVAHKIIN1911: Yep. I'm not ashamed of mine; corruption. Dem changelings are unf.
Author's (Somewhat) Dirty Note: Sexual puns may be put in later on! Or I could be completely serious. Either way works for your dirty little minds.
AN2: After watching Bronies React: Equestria Girls, I have to agree with a simple statement ACRacebest has made; Goddammit Luna.
In the morning, I set out to continue working at the Spa, keeping an eye out for Dash so I wouldn't hurt her.
I disarmed myself just in case, besides carrying my beating stick around. With luck, if I do run into Dash, I won't be able to kill her because of the distance she should have between us.
"You alright, Mark?" Duran asked me once I got to town, walking alongside me as we went to our respective jobs. "I heard about what happened last night."
"I'm fine, as long as Dash doesn't get in my field of vision. Or talk to me, for that matter." I replied.
"If she does, would it help if we restrained you?" He asked, fingering a clay bullet from the magazine he pulled out of his M16. I idly watched him for a moment before responding.
"It would probably be for the best, because if I get my hands on her in my delusional rage, I'll end up breaking her neck or something." I sighed, slumping my shoulders a little.
"Alright. We still have a lot of rope from the Black Hawk to tie you up with." He muttered, rubbing his chin. I was about to say something, when Scoots and Applebloom came galloping after me, dragging Apple along.
'Help!' Apple yelled in my head as she was dragged past, her hind hooves uselessly banging against the road.
"You girls taking her to school?" I asked, stopping them.
"Yessir!" Scoots beamed, probably avoiding the topic of last night.
"Then don't bloody drag her. I'll be along at lunch to get her enrolled." I sighed. They sheepishly chuckled before letting the changeling go, who took flight, buzzing a few inches in the air and looking at me.
'Do I have to?' She asked, a metaphorical eyebrow raised.
"Yes, you have to." I answered, crouching in front of her. "No daughter of mine, adopted or not, is going to grow up without an education." I deadpanned.
'Yes daddy...' She sighed, before looking at Applebloom and Scoots.
"She's ready." I said, and when they started running towards the school, I added, "don't break her!"
"We won't!" Scoots yelled back. I knew they would.
"Want me to go after them?" Duran offered.
"Nah, let 'em have their fun." I said, before having a thought.
'What if... Everyone who's with an Element has a nightmare about a different one?' I thought, frowning.
"You alright?" Duran asked, noticing that I stopped in midstride.
"I had a thought..." I muttered, before shaking my head and sighing. "Nah, it probably won't happen."
"What?" He pressed. I simply waved him off.
"We gotta get to work; I'll stop by on my lunch break to officially register Apple." I said, changing the subject. "Just tell Cheerilee she can't talk in a formal sense, or else I might have to myself." I was brutally blunt with these ponies, as I was back on Earth.
Cheerilee asked me as politely as possible to try and tone it down, at least while in the company of children. I am actually attempting it, to my credit.
"Aye aye!" He saluted and jogged off, while I contiplated on throwing an apple (I bring one to work every morning) at him for saluting because I wasn't in uniform. I decided not to, instead sinking my teeth into the fruit and chewing neatly, as I was near a bunch of civilians.
"Morning!" Ditzy called out as she clumsily flew past, a few letters floating into my outstretched hand.
"And top of the morn to you!" I called out, pocketing my mail after checking it. She did have a small habit of screwing up with the mail from time to time, but less often than my old mailman did. May his God rest his soul, as he got bitten by a rabid dog and died of rabies.
We had actual mailmen in our town; no bloody mail trucks, just people plodding along on their feet and/or bikes.
"Good morning, Mark!" Aloe chirped as I walked into the Spa. I still find her Greek (Or whatever the ponies named Greece. Afraid that whatever they named it was a severely terrible pony pun. They already fucked up Sparta by calling it Spartrota.) accent rather cute.
"Top of the morn to ya, Aloe." I replied, cracking my hands and placing the top part of my BDUs on the coat rack.
If I decided to take a moment to think, I would wonder why the fuck ponies had coat racks. Then I would remember that it's bad for my health to start thinking like that, and move on.
"You already have a mare waiting for you in the back." Aloe informed me as I took my pants (and NOT boxers) off.
"Lyra again? It's about that time." I asked, slipping on more casual shorts and shoes.
"Actually, it's Fluttershy." She answered. That kinda surprised me; that pegasus doesn't really come here often, and was almost always with Rarity when she did come.
"Is Rarity with her?" I asked, lacing up my shoes.
"Just Fluttershy." She said.
"Alrighty then." I muttered, walking into the back room and officially starting my day. To my surprise (not really), Sunbutt was having a conversation with a timid looking Fluttershy.
"Morn' to the both of you." I called out as I poured crap all over my hands, to make the massaging feel better for the ponies.
"Good morning, Mark." They both replied, though Fluttershy's was noticably quieter.
"You here for a massage, Celestia?" I asked as I got on Fluttershy's left, nudging her to where I could get at all of her joints.
I wasn't the only masseuse there, as a mare that went by the name of Quake also worked at the Spa. We had a little thing going on where a customer chose whether or not to have their muscles or joints worked on, or both, and Quake got the muscles.
Anyway, once Fluttershy finally took her place on one of the tables, I mounted that sumbitch and got to work, working on her jaw first.
She doesn't talk much as it is (unless you get her started on animals), so I was able to get at her joints in her jaw without too much difficulty.
"Doesn't that feel awkward for her?" Celestia asked, watching me as I worked.
"The mounting or the jaw thing?" I replied with my own question.
"Both, actually." She clarified.
"If I put most of the pressure on my legs and the table, I won't hurt her that way. As for the massaging, I work the joints in one's body, as long as I can get to them." I explained. "So far, I've done work on ponies and humans, while Apple's allowing me to practice on her, should a changeling ever want my expertise."
"Oh." She muttered, watching me as I moved from Fluttershy's face to her neck. I spent about four minutes on each joint, and by far the hardest client I've had is still AJ. Jesus Christ, try giving a massage to a brick one time, and you'll be able to tell how it felt for me.
Also, fuck off for reading this. It's MY DAMN JOURNAL, NOT A FUCKING BOOK.
Anyway...
"It actually feels quite good." Fluttershy quietly moaned out. "Every time I come here, I ask for his service."
"Even with eight fingers, I'm a damn good massuse." I cheekily said. "I bet I could give Max a run for his bits if I gave you a massage, though I don't bet. Last time I did, I ended up owing AJ four hundred bits." I suck at betting in an everyday sense, but get me at a poker table and I'd own the literal table about three minutes later.
"I might just take you up on that offer." Celestia replied with a small grin, getting onto the table next to me.
"I ain't doing squat to you until I'm done with Flutters here." I told her. "And you'll be waiting a while, since Fluttershy is a pegasus."
"Why?" She asked, not offended at all at being told to wait, at least on the exterior. I bet it's a humbling experience for her.
"They have two extra appendages." I replied with a shrug. "I get the wing joints, too. Do it carefully, since it's really hard to do it if the pegasus has a wingboner."
"You're able to massage their wings without arousing them?" Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow.
"When I first started, I asked AJ, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity to let me practice on them." I answered, kneeding a wing joint between my thumb and index finger. "The first few times ended up with Dash sucking off my fingers to get her wings down."
"Why would she suck on your fingers?" Celestia asked in confusion. I bet she somewhat regretted that when I answered. I know Fluttershy already knew this, but she was still regretting listening to me.
"Dashie has a finger fetish. Almost ate Duffy's hand by accident a few years ago." I answered with a shit-eating grin. Fluttershy was mortified, lying below me with enough heat to act as a furance for a few hours with the blush she had across her face.
I continued on without much more conversation, and when I finished, Fluttershy zipped out before I could continue with my dirty talk.
Didn't stop her from leaving her payment and a tip, though. I swear, that mare is too much of a doormat for her own good; I would've paid for her myself, and I don't need a tip. Makes me feel like a tool, myself.
"So, what did you come here for, Celestia?" I asked, cracking my knuckles.
"We have a problem..." She began as I mounted her, fingers at the ready. She was gonna feel ravished by the end, I could tell that right now.
'I left her in good hands.' Twilight to the Elements and Princesses after coming back to Equestria.
'Allstate.' ACRacebest.