Reviews:
RenaTamer:
Mark:*Not only facepalmed hard enough to break through his visor, but his hand is clearly seen sticking out the back of his titanium helmet.*
LexiconHuka:
Mark: Do I look like an asshole to you?
Dragon'z Wrath: That's... able to be done. Alrighty.
garebare65 (ch56): Wut.
ch57:
Mark: U jelly, m8?
Lone The Dark Hearted Wolf: Sweet!
ShiningShadow1965: Thanks for the review!
ArtemisLuna24: Yub yub!
Dovahkiin1911: They're slightly less badass than Spartans, but only slightly.
Co-Author's Note: Greetings and salutations to you the readers, Celestia here, I'm afraid RenaTamer is a bit indisposed and requested I giving this chapters notes. "Spoiler" This chapter will be a far cry from the excitement of battle and sexual banter that you, the readers, are used to. Instead, the lot of you will be given a glimpse into the diplomatic workings of Canterlot, mixed with Mark's unique brand of human... tact. And some wonder why I'm content in letting the lot of them, save for a select few, live in Ponyville.
After managing to clear my windpipe (I wonder how nobody noticed that), I listened to Max. He went on about we Elements of Harmony fuckers could become Dream Warriors or some shit and ward off our own Chaos Nightmares.
And I just made a facepalm that would make Twilight proud, seeing as how she's been doing it a lot lately for some reason.
[Canterlot]
"I sense a disturbance in the jimmies..." Dawn muttered after looking up from his paperwork. The guard standing dutifully at the door merely raised an eyebrow, having gotten used to his commander's ramblings ages ago. And he had a good reflex since he has to also avoid a rubber stamp flying at high speeds.
[Back to Mogadishu]
Everyone was staring at me while my face created a very intimate relationship with my palm. In roughly half a second, they went out on their first date, got married, fucked one another, had several children, watched said brats grow up, grow old, and died at different intervals like most couples do.
"You alright, Mark?" Twilight asked once I gently placed my weeping palm back onto my lap.
"Nope." I answered, before pulling out a pen and some paper.
Another awesome thing about this armor is that it has it's own hammerspace pocket. It'll be handy in certain situations, like if we're on a sinking ship.
The boat's sinking? Lemme pull out this -grunt- sail boat... Hold on, it'll take a moment...
Anyway...
'Dear Moonbutt #1,
We're bloody stupid. When you get the chance, put us Elements of 'Manly' into the dream world so we can police our asses and ward off Discord's curse.
Signed, your friendly neighborhood blower-uper.'
"Send that off, would you kindly?" I asked Sparky, who rolled her eyes and flashed it out of being. Probably went to Sunbutt, but she knows which Moonbutt I'm talking about.
"What was that noise?" Fluttershy asked while flying over, and Duffy started tensing up. What was unknown at the time was that he had a dream about the pegasus.
I saw the rifle's barrel discretely point towards Fluttershy, and I tackled him.
"Get the rifle away from him!" I yelled at Max, wishing right now that Celestia had enchanted my bloody armor to make me stronger. I could only do so much to keep him from shooting Fluttershy, and apparently the curse bullshit made Duffy stronger as I was losing.
"I'll get Fluttershy out of here." Twilight said, before popping both of them away with a teleport.
"What in the FUCK was that about, Brandon." I growled, roughly pulling him to his feet.
"Nothing." He answered, shrugging off my grip. I crossed my arms and detinted my visor to let him see the glare I was sending.
"It's not nothing and you goddamn know it!" I wanted to yell, I seriously did. I just couldn't find the energy to. "If I hadn't noticed your movements, Fluttershy would be on the goddamn road with her brains spread across the building she was in front of!"
"Fine!" Duffy shouted, turning to me. "I had a goddamn nightmare about her last night! I don't even want to get into goddamn specifics, because every time I do I start hurting! Not even physically, it's mentally tearing me apart!"
"That explains it..." I sighed. "Luna better hurry her royal ass up, before one of the Elements turns up dead."
"I don't know what to do, Mark." Duffy admitted. "And it scares me."
"I'll tell you what to do." I grunted. "Stay on the C-5 until we leave. Don't leave the bird, and we'll keep Fluttershy out of there."
"If it'll keep me from harming her, that's fine with me." Duffy nodded, collecting his gear.
"Go with him, Max." I told the pilot. "Make sure to keep Fluttershy out of his sight."
"Aye aye." Max saluted, before the both of them went down the ramp I put up earlier. When they left, I sat down on the edge and tossed my helmet behind me, burying my face into my gloved hands.
[Four days later, because I'm an ass]
"We all get back home, and I'm stuck up here on this goddamn mountain..." I muttered, rubbing my tired eyes. The trip back was relaxing, but I couldn't even get off of the C-5 without having express orders from Sunbutt to come up to Canterlot for diplomatic reasons.
'At least I'm here, dad.' Apple said, perched on my shoulder.
'I'm more worried about what your mother will do when I finally get home.' I answered. Off to the side, Max spoke up.
"I'll stay here, if you want to head inside."
"Thank you Max, but I wouldn't be a good hostess if I did that," she said while keeping her pose neutral. "But that should be the last of ambassadors now… leave it to her to be fashionably late."
Blinking, Max turned his attention towards the dot in the sky, a dot that quickly grew into a beautiful black Gothic-style coach with bright green accents. Not to my surprise the coach was pulled along by six changelings.
"Presenting," one of the day guards called out as the vehicle came to a stop before the red carpet. "The ruler of the Changling kingdom, Queen Chrysalis."
I couldn't help but grin as the giant bug stepped out, looking around before grinning back at me.
"She's the reason I'm here, isn't she?" I muttered to Celestia, as she was standing next to me.
"Yes." She replied, her voice still neutral. "Chrysalis, how good of you to join us," Celestia gave a nod of her head, though I could tell the smile on her lips was forced.
"It's nice to be back in Canterlot." the changeling purred happily. "As a welcomed guest that is." Then she looked at me. "I see that you've gained a new set of armor and a new toy, General." Chrysalis commented as she strode up to me.
"More or less." I answered, cracking my neck. "And I'm not too fond of my rank, so don't wave it around." Her attention soon shifted to the other human as we walked.
"And this must be your Consort..." I hope to God she was talking to Celestia.
"Rex, Max Rex," he nodded his head in respect.
"Interesting name you have there, great king." Chrysalis gave a light chuckle as she noticed his confusion.
"Never had somebody call you king before, Max?" I laughed, poking his chest.
"Not really, no." He muttered.
"Pretty much what you are now." I told him. "Considering you're banging Sunbutt." His face heated up while Chrysalis grinned like the predator she was.
"Moving on..." He managed to sputter, before looking at Sunbutt.
"The session will start as soon as we walk into the room, so all of you be on your best behaviors." Celestia said, before striding into the room, with Chrysalis right behind her.
"Any idea why she called this?" I asked Max as we slowly walked in after her.
"Archaeologists dug something up, older than Discord." He replied, while I frowned a little and tinted my visor.
"Thank you all for coming." Celestia said to the gathered ambassadors, quieting the room almost instantly. "Two days ago, several archaeologists had uncovered ruins in the badlands, where Queen Chrysalis' main hive resides."
"What does this have to do with all of us?" A minotaur questioned.
"The ruins date to pre-Discord." Celestia answered, quieting everyone.
"Do you have photographs of the ruins?" I asked, since nobody else wanted to.
"Of course." She nodded, and a small stack of pictures were passed around, starting with Chrysalis, who was at the other end of the room.
"What are we going to be doing about the situation in Africa?" Max asked Celestia. It was more of a formal thing to make everyone else aware of the topic.
"We're sending both relief supplies and guards over there to help the locals." She told him. We already knew.
"What's going on?" A gryphon asked.
"We're aiding the Southern Zebra Nation until they can get back on their hooves." She answered. "Any spare relief supplies will be welcome."
"We'll discuss that after the meeting, Princess." The chick said. Celestia nodded to her and returned to watching over the crowd. When the pictures finally got to us, I sighed and resisted slamming my head against the table in annoyance.
"What is it?" Max asked as I passed them to him.
"Been there before." I grunted. "Day before the planet froze."
"When was this?" Max asked.
"Several months ago." I answered, waving any other questions away.
About ten minutes later, the million dollar question appeared.
"Who will be leading an expedition into the ruins?" Celestia called out. Almost immediately, everyone started shouting, causing me to roll my eyes. With a small sigh, I raised my DMR into the air and let off three rounds, silencing them and probably scaring the shit out of whoever was above us.
"I will." I grunted, standing up. "I know who made the structures, and I know how deadly some of the things are."
"What gives you the right?!" A cat hissed.
"Because it's my goddamn people's buildings!" I retorted. "Hell, I've been there before!"
"Ahem." Chrysalis got everyone's attention. "Since the ruins are in my territory, shouldn't I be the one to decide who goes in and who doesn't?"
"She's right." A dog said with thinly veiled disgust.
"Who will be going in then, Queen Chrysalis?" Celestia asked raising an eyebrow. Her grin got really scary.
"A certain changeling and her father, of course." She said, looking straight at Apple.
I swear to god, Sunbutt didn't see that coming. Hell, I didn't see that coming. I knew Chrysalis, and I guess this was her paying me back for saving her delicious booty at the wedding.
That's goddamn right, I'm attracted to a bug.
"Why do you go to mass? Aren't you Athiest?" A squadmate to Mark.
"Nigga, I don't want to do extra work. I'd be a goddamn Satanist and still go to mass." Mark's reply.