Reviews:
TANK9811: Thanks!
Dragon'z Wrath: I got a lost of their shit somewhere.
MLPFan298: Gives an explanation as to why we don't see 'em, except in that flashback.
brony war (incognito): wilco!
Lexiconhuka: [smut writing intensifies]
Affinity Seven: And it was 'explained' in the chapter before 91.
rainchaserbrony: eh... I got nothin'.
spartan1735: [cackling intensifies]
Author's Note: This event finally rolled around!
Winter. I used to love the snow, then I came to Equestria. Now I merely tolerated it, considering it was fake snow. Let the ponies preach all they want about how it's genuine, real snow died off when the planet started rotating again.
Let me clarify for those who either don't know, or don't remember. Just before Discord's first defeat by the alicorn sisters, he stopped the earth from spinning and sentenced all life on our little planet to death. So Celestia and Luna stepped in, seeing as it was partially their fault, and began using their "divine" power to rotate the earth and keep it going. (Word of God {me} says that this is a cover story for the one-shot fucklong story that I'm currently writing like a word per week. If you want the real explanation for this, wait for like a year for me to finish.)
However, there were several problems that came from this act.
1: No one knew or understood what Discord did to stop an entire planet from spinning, so whatever he did still wants to keep the earth from rotating... and after existing so long locked away as a statue, even he forgot what he did.
So that brings us to 2: Celestia and Luna have to live long enough to either find someone with enough power to take over their jobs, or until someone figures out how to fix the earth's spin properly.
3: Now seemingly immortal, and responsible for rotating the world "rising the Sun and Moon", everyone and their grandmother thinks that Tia, Lulu, and Moon are gods. If I were immortal, I would probably pay to see how they would react when the three of them died.
4: When they restarted the world spinning, they didn't know that it was supposed to wobble, the wobble of the earth is what gives us our seasons, and the ever changing seasons are a big deal for it tells ponies when to plant crop, when to harvest and when to breed…
So the pegasi were put in charge of the weather and thus we have fake snow.
And fuck you to, somehow this all made sense when I started the explanation so if you don't get it, it's not my problem.
Anyway, I was mulling over the fact that the year's first snowfall was "Scheduled" in less than two months, when a scroll popped into being right front of my face as I was sitting in my office. Seeing as how it was marked important, I broke the seal and began to read.
"With a sultry smile, Littlepip opened her mouth and licked the head of the stallion's pe-" I instantly sent that shit back, with a little sticky note. I had written 'Go fuck yourself' in German, rubbing my temple at Dawn's retardedness.
"Fucking stop sending me smut, assmunch. Third time this week." I muttered, filling out some more paperwork. "And Littlepip's a fucking lesbian!" I was in the FO:E universe for about a week... (I don't want to talk about it)
Anyhow, if you have ever wondered about our scheduled seasons, we have 4 months of summer and winter, and 2 months each for spring and fall. In the five years I've lived here it hasn't changed once. So half way through November there is suddenly snow, and it lasts halfway through March, like clockwork. First Snowfall, and Winter Wrap-up are held on the same days every year and ponies schedule their lives accordingly.
Ten minutes later I was still brooding over fake snow, when a different scroll with a sticky note appeared.
"That was supposed to go to Jeremy this time." The note said. I rolled my eyes and opened the scroll up. Out fell two tickets to something called the 'Grand Galloping Gala'.
"You (and one guest) are hereby invited to the Grand Galloping Gala! As you may know, this grand event only takes place every 5 years. To be invited is an honor only presented to 200 ponies (or otherwise)! Princess Celestia and Princess Luna with be on hoof to greet guests between 5:00 and 7:00pm. We hope to see you up at the Canterlot Palace on the eleventh of Juniper!
-The Royal Family
-ps: It is mandatory that you attend Mark, so no backing out."
"The fuck is this?" I muttered, having to remind myself that 'Juniper' was September.
"Dawn, what the everloving shit is the Grand Galloping Gala?" I scrolled him, rubbing my face.
"It's an old tradition of ours to host it; every five years we send scrolls and a pair of tickets to several hundred important ponies, inviting them here for a night of boring ass music and backroom politicking. Hopefully with all of the humans (I only left out o'Drake, but that's because of his fear of equines) attending, it won't be as dull as usual."
"So we're just mild amusement for you to get your rocks off?"
"Pretty much. Oh, and I wouldn't care if you brought your daughter along, even if there's only two tickets. Just smuggle her in as a flea or something." With that, the scroll-to-scroll contact was finished, leaving me thumbing my pen.
"Right..." I rubbed my forehead, looking at my Death guard aid. "Explain this thing in more detail, would you?" She nodded, clearing her throat a bit.
"Usually It's boring." She deadpanned. "Full of stuffy nobles, only a handful (as you put it) of which are decent conversation partners. The high point is the food and dancing, if you got a date."
"Usually, what makes you say that?"
"Last Gala, Twilight took the Elements of Harmony, and all Tartarus broke loose," she informed me as I pulled out yet another scroll from the Ministry of Military Affairs.
"Really," I would have to have a talk with AJ when I get home. "By chance, did you attend the last time it took place," I asked, ripping a document in half. I don't care what Blueblood thinks of the military, I won't let anymore budget cuts happen. They only get the bare minimum as it is, the next thing that's gonna go would have to be either the training grounds or the barracks.
Not on my fucking watch it won't.
"I would go, if I ever got a ticket," my guard sighed. "Might be boring, but it -is- the social event that everyone wants to go to at least once in their lives."
"Fuck me," I grumbled as I realized something important. Because our diet consisted mostly of pony food and MREs (and the occasional buzz boar), we human's were now incredibly healthy even though most of us smoked. To this end, most of us, including myself, had lost a lot of body fat (I was at like five percent... I needed to go to a bakery and eat the fuck out of some cupcakes or something.) and started bulking up muscle wise. This meant that I was going to need to see Rarity to get my dress uniform…
"Darling, I just heard the news…" Marshmallow said excitedly as she marched into my office with a shit load of fabrics and supplies floating along in her magic. The guards on either side of the door just shifted a bit so they wouldn't be beaned in the back of the head with bolts of cloth. "So are we going to be keeping with the theme this Gala," she asked while pulling the measuring tape from around her neck.
"What theme," I blinked in confusion for I was suddenly standing and Rarity was measuring my inseam. "And how did you find out I received tickets to the Gala?" I didn't even fucking know what the hell an inseam was.
"All the human's got tickets, silly," she smiled up from near my crotch (stop that you sick fuckers). Yeah, I keep forgetting she and Blake were now actually dating, instead of being fuck buddies. "As for the theme, the other troopers want to get dress uniforms to show off the different branches of the military…"
"Huh."
"So, Marine blues with a blood stripe on the trousers, yes?" Rarity questioned.
"Of course." I deadpanned, before shifting a bit. "How the hell did you get around the guards, anyway?"
She merely rolled her eyes before measuring my neck, almost strangling me with her measuring tape.
"All our dreams and our hopes, From now, until here-after..." the ponies sang as we marched towards the brightly lit palace. "All that we've been wishing for, Will happen at the Gala… At the Gala… At the Gala… At the Gala!"
Oh for crying out loud… what the fuck is it with ponies and singing?
You know, I never touched on it because… well because it baffles the hell out of me. Anyhow there is a powerful magic that permeates the world of Equestria, one that is truly fucked up and has to be left over from Discord's time as ruler. It's called Song Magic and it is the most diabolical creation he ever came up with.
One simply concentrates on a song or musical tune, and the magic takes care of the rest. Say you normally couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, or maybe you were born tone-deaf… it doesn't matter here because Song Magic compensates for everything and can turn anyone into a temporary rock star.
What's worse is that should you need backup singers or instruments, the dam magic will again compensate by dragging nearby bystanders into the song with you. Hell they don't even need to know the song or have ever heard it before, again the magic compensates.
Fucking magic!
And fuck you to Pinkie, I know you of all ponies' takes way to much advantage of this magic. I can't tell you how many times she has dragged the entire population of Ponyville into one of her "Smile," songs.
Luckily, we humans are blessed with the ability to resist Song Magic. Not that it stops the song from happening, mind you, and leaves you surrounded by dancing happy ponies who do their best to drag you in. The Winter Wrap-Up is a good example of this controlled chaos.
But I digress…
"Fuck me…" I groaned. We… that is to say AJ, Big Mac, Judy, and myself… had just stepped from the carriage and onto the red carpet that led up to the front doors of Canterlot Palace. Waiting there for use was the rest of AJ's friends and their respected human mates. The singing I was just complaining about started when the six mares lined up side by side with the CMC in front of them, and began to trot down the red carpet. Needless to say that besides myself, Schmidt, Jonathan and Duffy, the rest of the human's let themselves be dragged into the magic as they followed their lovers towards the Gala.
"Well aren't you looking spiffy," I quipped to John-boy as he fell into step with me.
"Would War 1 army dress uniforms left a lot to be desired," he sighed, taking his eyes off his herd to glancing down at his knee high leather boots, and the Sam Browne belt with matching shoulder strap. "But luckily the Motorized Messenger Service was considered to be part of the Calvary, so I at least got this nifty leather cowboy duster instead of a woolen trench coat."
"If it's one thing both world wars taught us," I smiled. "Is that when it came to cool looking uniforms, the Germans had us beat each time."
John-boy paused long enough to look at the man just to my right. Schmidt was dressed head to toe in SS basic black with silver trim and polished jack-boots. He did however leave his swastika at home and in its place was the insignia for Dawn's Death Guard on his left bicep, the hourglass and human skull.
When and where did he get one of those? I want one!
"You're right, definitely a much… cooler looking uniform," the teen nodded, still not used to some of the new urban slang. "And a lot scarier."
"Thank you my dear boy," Helm smiled, clapping his gloved hands behind his back as we marched along. "I do believe that was the original intent; to intimidate the shit out of people and looking good while doing it."
I just laughed and followed our singing mares up to the front doors of the palace.
To enter the Gala, one had to climb a curved staircase and step through a large double door, walk down a short hall and wait at the top of another staircase until you were announced, where upon you could descend down into the grand ballroom.
At first I thought it was rather redundant to climb up a level, just to climb back down to the ground floor… that was until I saw the Ballroom. Bright lights danced off the intricate crystal chandeliers and reflected of polished marble floor while fancy dressed ponies and humans gathered in small groups to talk or reminisce about Gala's of the past. The sight was truly breath taking.
And standing on a landing halfway down the stairs, greeting each and every pony as they passed, were Princess Celestia and her sister, Princess Luna.
Sunbutt was wearing a long gown of white silk that was trimmed in gold and had purple gemstones hanging from the hemline. The dress must have been enchanted (again, fucking magic) for it glowed ever so softly. While pretty Luna was in a layered gown of blue sequins that sparkled like a sea of stars, while the lower layers mimicked clouds drifting through the night sky.
So with their wing's extended and mane flowing off to one side, they really did look like regal Princesses.
"Princess Celestia, Princess Luna," Twilight bounded over to them excitedly, and pressed herself against Sunbutt's forelegs.
"Hello Princess Twilight, my most faithful student…" she mused as she leaned down to nuzzle the purple alicorn.
Oh yeah, did I fail to mention that Sparklebutt became a real life princess over the summer? Well if I didn't here's why. Over the summer we humble residents of Ponyville had some exciting adventures. Let's see… we had a few new human's join the party, Babs Seed joined the CMC (don't know if she joined John's herd or not), Discord became friends with Fluttershy and Doc (who thought Discord's antics were hilarious), a few new vehicles appeared with appropriate operators, and Twilight defeated and befriended her mortal enemy, Trixie.
But the biggest part was Twi becoming a princess after an old book belonging to Starswirl The Bearded fucked with everyone's cutie mark talent. During which over half of my recorded logs were destroyed when AJ tried to make a dress out of my laptop… hence the big jump from the hoard of Pinkies, to now.
I'll have to check to see if the crash log of the UNSC Frigate survived.
Anywho, even after becoming a Princess, Twilight insisted that Celestia keep referring to her as her student for there was still a lot to be learned from old Sunbutt. As for Trixie, she and Tobias found new jobs, ones that they are quite proud of and happy to fulfill. Trixie Lulamoon, and our NASA guy are now Nightmare Moon's personal assistants.
I do find this funny do to something my twin told me once. Just after watching "Despicable Me 1 and 2", Moon decided that while she wasn't evil anymore, that she deserved a minion of her own… now she not only has a minion, but a slightly mad rocket scientist as well.
By the by, with Twi now a Princess, that makes Schmidt an honorary Prince… and seeing as how he is my gradfather, that makes me a Lord and AJ a Lady of the court. That's right, Granny, Judy, Mac, and all the rest at Sweet Apple Acres are now Miner Nobility to the court of Canterlot. It also means that John-boy was now in a herd with three noble fillies… so to keep things on the up 'n' up, Celestia made Sweetie Belle and Rarity Ladies of the court as well. Which means that Blake was officially a Lord.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon nearly had a mental breakdown when they figured it out.
But I seem to have gotten off track, so back to the Gala.
"Good evening Celestia," I said as I joined her on the landing. "You have anything fun planned to liven up this year's Gala by chance?"
"I have no clue what she's up …to…"
At the slip, I found all my attention drawn to the Princess of the sun, and as she began to whither under my gaze, I suddenly took note that her muzzle was a little thicker than it used to be and that her jaw line was a little more squared. "…Max…" I suddenly blurted as I realized just who I was standing next to.
"Ssssshh…" he shushed me as he franticly looked about, trying to see if anyone had overheard me. "Please, not so loud."
"What the hell man," I quietly demanded. You know, Max looks so much like Celestia in pony form that, if he hadn't slipped up, I probably wouldn't have noticed. "Why are you dressed in a dress, and where is Sunbutt?"
"I'm covering for Celestia," Max sighed with a roll of his eyes. "She and Luna had a few last minute things to do before they could make it to the Gala."
"She AND Luna?" my attention snapped over to the smaller blue alicorn. "Not you to Jeremy," me right hand wanted so desperately to make love to my face. "What the fuck, I thought Max was the only one pussy whipped around here."
"I'm not whipped," Jeremy/Luna hissed, speaking for the first time. Unlike Max, he hadn't quite nailed down the whole changing his voice to fit his pony form. "I'll have you know that in my case, I lost a …bet..."
"What kind of bet?" I had to ask.
"He and Luna did a one on one slayer match in HALO and she mopped the floor with his ass," Max said with a smile.
"It wasn't that bad!"
"Oh really," the male Sunbutt scoffed. "And what was the score again?"
"…"
"I didn't quite catch that," I moved a bit closer to the mumbling PFC.
"25 to 3…" he grumbled, his ears now laying flat against his head.
Luckily for him more guests had arrived so he pretended not to notice my laughter while Max greeted the ponies. "By the by," the ex Master Sergeant said once we had a moment to ourselves. "Dawn is waiting for you in his office, something about getting to the bottom of the budget cuts…"
"Thank you Celestia, I will head there now," I bowed slightly, mostly to impress the next group of ponies, before heading off to find AJ and fill her in.
You know, I wonder just what the real Luna and Celestia were doing.
Meanwhile, 2 floors up in the Palace's game room.
"Shit, I hear crying," Luna warned as she used a shotgun to pop a zombie's head. "Quick, turn off your flashlight!"
"By the Queen Mother," Celestia gripped as she rounded a corner. "You won't believe this, but the Witch is sitting in front of the Safe House door."
"WHAT," Lulu screeched as she spun around in surprise. Sure enough, softly weeping before the entrance to the Tunnel 'O' Love, was a Witch. "Fuck me…"
Back at the Gala.
"Yo, Dawn! Are you going to make an appearance at the Gala or what?" I called as I pushed open the door to his office, however I had to pause at the sight before me. A very sullen Dawn was at his desk with an open bottle of whisky, his eyes locked on a panting he usually kept covered, slowly nursing a tumbler filled with three rocks, two fingers, and a splash.
For toughs of you not in the know, when talking alcohol, "on the rocks" means adding ice cubes to a drink. And two fingers equal an inch to an inch and a half of alcohol in a glass. A splash of water is just used to cut the bite down on whatever you're drinking.
"Dude, you feeling ok," I asked as I ventured up to his desk.
"Yeah… just a little depressed," he let out a sigh as he set his glass down and filled a second glass for me.
"You don't say," I was trying to not come off sounding sarcastic while reaching for my drink… maybe I should start taking kindness lessons from Shy. "Sorry," I flinched and took a seat. "So what's got you in such a funk?"
He was silent for a moment longer before nodding towards the large panting. The panting itself was 4 foot wide by 4 foot tall and showed 4 alicorns. Celestia and Luna where in the background, while little dawn and a much larger female knelt in the foreground. "Did you know I had a sister…"
Well that came straight out of left field. "Not really, no," I said as I suddenly became a lot more interested in the panting. The grass green mare with golden flowing mane was the size of Celestia, but with larger eyes and slightly smaller horn. "However to say 'Had' instead of 'Have' implies that she isn't around anymore."
"She disappeared just after the defeat of Discord, the first time." The glass was again in his hoof and he was slowly twirling the drink. "While Celestia and Luna took care of rebuilding the lives of the ponies and I handled the dead, she left to breathe life back into the lands around Equestria."
"Breathe life -Back- into the land?"
"While I am the Alicorn of death," he elaborated. "My sister, Demeter, was the Alicorn of life."
"Demeter?" it only took a secant to remember that name. "Oh, Mother Nature…"
"Anyhow," Dawn rolled his eyes. "She left to fix the lands so that ponies would have fresh food, clean water, and… and she just disappeared."
"I see," I nodded as I watched him down his drink. "So why are you only now getting depressed?"
"I… I get this way whenever the Grand Galloping Gala rolls around," he sighed while capping the bottle and slipping it into the bottom drawer of his desk. "Demeter originally started the GGG as a celebration of the harvest… so…"
"So it reminds you of your missing sister," I now understood his sadness and why he was looking for solace in the bottle. But now there were other questions as well. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but if the GGG was meant to celebrate the harvest, then why only hold it ever 5 years?"
"We stopped holding the yearly Gala after Luna became Nightmare moon, it was just too much for Celestia to take after the loss of her sister." He said while using his magnets to slip into his military dress uniform. "About a hundred years later, Celestia decided to rekindle the Gala but, but she wanted to use it as a political event, a way to gather the nobles and find out what was happening around the kingdom."
"Did you mind that she turned something your sister created into… what's going on downstairs?"
"Cely had a good idea, a way to gather the nobles willingly in one spot and remind them that she was watching and was still in charge… plus it was an excellent excuse to bring back the Gala," he stated while straitening his cap. "And while it reminds me of Demeter and brings my heart pain, it only happens every 5 years, and I can live with that."
After downing my own glass, we headed together down to the grand ballroom to hob-knob with the nobles, and while we were at it, spread gossip that would hopefully stop Blueblood from cutting the military funding any farther.
Basturd really needs the stick up his ass removed.
So the evening went, speaking with the gentry and sneaking a dance with AJ once and a while. Yeah, you heard right, I said dance. Regardless of what you fucker's think, I can dance… and it only took me two weeks of free massages for Rarity to teach me how.
Speaking of which, despite what you might think, ponies don't just bump their chests to a rhythm and call it dancing. There's a lot of choreographed movement to a waltz so you don't bump into other dancers. And quite a few ponies dance while standing on their hind legs, using each other for balance.
Unless you're Pinkie or Lyra, both of whom are just as comfortable on two legs, as well as four.
WARNING: If you value your life, then never… Never, under any circumstance, dance a jitterbug with Pinky or Twilight… EVER!
Anyhow, so the night wore on. Gossiping nobles whispering secrets about each other while sipping punch or eating little sandwiches while trying to out-impress each other. It was boring as shit… until someone spiked the punch. I'll not name names, but I saw you sneaking vodka to the punchbowl Miss Sunshine.
However, it was around 11:00 that night when things really took a turn. I had just finished a slow dance with AJ, her forelegs wrapped tightly around my waist, her head pressed into my belly as we slowly swayed... er…
Anyhow, we had just stepped out for some fresh air when I heard the sound of an electric bass guitar cry out and we both saw lights coming from the far side of the hedge-maze. "Good Evening Canterlot!" Anon's booming voice called out as we made our way around the hedge and… and found the entire statue garden packed with all us humans and the off duty castle guards.
When the hell had they snuck out from the gala and why didn't I notice?
"Greetings to all! We would like to welcome you to a special part of the Grand Galloping Gala," Luna said as she stepped out onto the stage. "While the party inside is meant for the nobility of Equestria, who wouldn't know fun if it slapped them on the cutie mark!" Laughter spread through the crowd.
"We however, gather here to celebrate you, the stallion's, the mare's and the human's who keep Equestria safe!" As she spoke, Luna's form began to shift into that of Nightmare Moon, yet at the same moment the real Moon stepped out onto the stage. Together the now twin sisters of the night pointed their horn's skyward and fired off a few magical fireworks. "Now let the celebrations commence!"
To my astonishment Anon, Jeremy and Max stepped forward as the guitar in Max's hands began to moan an all too familiar tune and in my voice, Anon began to sing… chills galloped up my spine.
"A company, Always on the run… A destiny, It's the rising sun… I was born, A shotgun in my hands… Behind the gun, I'll make my final stand… And that's why they call me!"
And for once, as the most powerful magic in Equestria, Song Magic, wove its way through the crowd, I let myself be carried along by it as the entire garden erupted with "Bad Company, I can't deny… Bad Bad Company till the day I die… Until the day I die… Until the day I die!"
It was rather refreshing to hear ponies singing a more modern tune and yeah, I kept up through the entire song. I don't know who was more impressed, Applejack or myself.
"Next up, I'd like Applejack, Big Mac, and Judy to join me on the stage," Max called out as he took the center spotlight.
"We don't need to keep wearen these fancy duds, do we," My loving farm mare called back as the Apple's made their way to the stage. To my utter surprise, after Max said "Nope," both AJ and Mac tore off their clothes. Instantly AJ's hair was back in a pony tail and her cowgirl hat was back, and Mac was once again in his harness. Where in the absolute fuck did it come from?
"This next song is for all of us who come from more simple upbringings, a tribute to us small town folk," Max smiled before whispering to toughs now gathered on stage. As I watched, AJ pulled her banjo and began to accompany Max
And yes, Applejack does plays the banjo, and the ever quiet Mac can sing… now let me get back to the fucking story!
"I feel no shame, I'm proud of where I came from, I was born and raised in the boondocks… One thing I know, No matter where I go, I keep my heart and soul, In the boondocks…" Max started off before the others joined in. "I can feel that, Muddy water runnin' through my veins, I can hear that, lullaby of the midnight train, And it sings to me and sounds familiar…"
(We would like to thank Five Finger Death Punch, and Little Bigtown for the inspiration behind this concert)
There were more songs sung, some received better than others, but I really don't want to go into them all. Though I will say that quite a few songs were aimed at the females in attendance, hell they made up over 2/3rds of the palace guards.
Like the StormTroopers from Star Wars, the armor of the palace guard was enchanted to make all the guards look uniform. The Pegusi were all white, the Unicorns all gray, the Earth ponies all brown and the Night and Death looked like deep blue vampires… and all looked male. It was meant originally to hide the fact that the male population was on a decline from any enemies the crown might have.
That and to protect the identity of the guards from any reprisal for doing their job.
Anyhow, needless to say that the next hour and a half went by in a happy blur. So much so that I hadn't realized that Celestia and a whole host of the now drunk nobility had joined at some point and was enjoying themselves. "You'll be happy to know that all of the financial records from the Ministry of Military Affairs and BlueBlood's own personal records are at this moment, being audited." She had to almost scream this bit of good news so I could hear it over the music.
"About fucking time," I called back. "And if it shows what Dawn and I suspect?"
"If he is indeed embezzling from the war coffers as you believe," she moved closer so no one else could overhear. "Then he will be removed from office and made to pay every last Bit and Coin back…" she stated as a wicked smile flashed across her face before adding, "…out of his own pockets, as you like to say."
"Thank the Queen Mother for small miracles!"
Yeah, thank Faust…
"Not that there was a real hoot of a Gala," AJ said as the whole lot of us stepped through the farm house's front door, waking Granny as we did. "Shucks, Ah'm sorry Granny, Ah didn't know Yah was sleeping in Yahr rocking chair."
"Oh, Ah went sleeping none, just rest'n mah eyes a spell," the older mare smiled. "So how did that there fancy shindig go?"
"It was a blast Granny," Judy said as she crossed the living room to embrace the older mare. "We sold out the stand and made a hefty profit."
"Eeeyup!" the big red pony added before pulling a sack of coins out of his magic pocket and depositing it in the table next to Granny's rocker.
"And thanks for looking after Spice," Hanna's Pilot said after she broke the hug. "She wasn't any trouble was she?"
"None at all, she fell asleep early and hasn't made a peep." Granny said before giving Judy a gentle push towards the stairs. "Now you two go n check on your youg'n, then it's straight to bed. You and Big Mac have a full day tomorrow fly'n saplings to Appleloosa."
"Shit, I completely forgot," Judy pinched the bridge of her nose as she gave out a sigh.
"How many are you transporting?" I inquired, only now remembering that Judy had requested the use of our one and only C-5 galaxy.
"Three hundred apple tree saplings…" Granny informed me. "Everything from the south 40."
"Holy shit, did something happen to their orchard?"
"Naw, Chief Thunderhoof has agreed to lend Appleloosa more farming land in exchange for more pies," AJ reminded me. "Cousin Braeburn just wants to get a head start on next year."
"Funny, I wonder how I forgot about all of this…"
"Well, you have had a lot on your mind as of late," Applejack smiled as she brushed against me.
"All this is fascinating and all," yawned Bloom as she and the rest of the CMC marched past and headed for the stairs. "But we're plum tuckered out and need to get to bed."
"Yeah," Scoots, Sweetie and John-boy agreed as they passed.
"Hold it right there," I grabbed John by the collar of his dress uniform. "And just where do you think you're going?"
"Upstairs to bed…" he started to imply but I stopped him.
"Oh no you don't," I grumbled as I turned him and pointed towards the sofa. "You sleep…"
"Mark, let the boy go," Granny suddenly stepped in and pulled the teen away from me.
"But Granny, he shouldn't be sleeping in the same room as Bloom and the others, what if something was to happen," AJ interjected.
"If it happens, then at lest he will be with his herd," the elder mare said as she pushed John-boy towards the fillies waiting at the base of the stairs.
"But he ain't taken the vows yet…" Applejack began to protest, and I was about to agree.
"Neither have you 'n' Mark," there was a sly smile on Granny's muzzle as she turned and glanced at the two of us. Surprisingly, that shut us both up. "Now than, before yah two head of to bed, Ah need to speak to Mark, alone."
"Don't take too long, I'll be waiting," AJ smiled up at me before heading upstairs.
"Ok, Granny, What…" I turned to give the matriarch of the Apple family, but all I saw was her tail heading out the front door. "Ummm, Granny," I asked as I followed her outside, yet it wasn't until we got out to the barn that she finally spoke.
"Ah know why Applejack gets so uppity about John and Apple Bloom," she said as she paused before the smiling face of Pinkie, still painted on the side of the barn. "But why do yah?"
"Wait," I blinked in disbelief. "We came all the way out here to talk about under-aged sex?"
"No, Ah asked yah out here to talk," she looked to me, and I couldn't help but feel that I had just been chastised for back talking. "The young'ns are just one of the things Ah wish to talk about."
"Oh…" I did my best to calm down.
"So are yah going to answer or not?"
"The kids are just too young to be screwing around," I said as I leaned against the barn. "They need time to grow up, time to experience life before…"
"Mark," she cut me off, her all knowing eyes still watching me. "Ah meant the real reason."
I stood there for a long while before I could finally answer her. "I know you raised Apple Bloom after her folks died, but I can't help but think of her as my family, my little sister. It doesn't help that I left behind my actual sister, who's only nine. She acted just like AB does, and it's hard to tell the difference sometimes." I confessed. "So I happen to get a little overprotective when it comes to her and boys, and sex."
"I have noticed, and I appreciate the help," Granny nodded. "But before you get too overprotective, you might want to remember that boy signed a marriage contract… John has more right to be with those girls, than you do to keep him from them."
"I know…" I said as we stood under the stars.
"So how did Dawn handle the Gala," she asked after a slightly longer pause. "I bet he spent most of it in his office getting drunk."
"At first maybe, but we had to find out if Blueblood was…" You know that old saying about how the hairs on the back of someone's neck would stand up just before all hell would break loose? Yeah… and I just realized that Granny had lost her southern accent. Slowly I turned and, if this were a cartoon, I would have had to pick my jaw up off the ground.
"Are you okay Mark? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Ah think Ah have," I muttered for standing before me was a grass green mare alicorn with golden flowing mane. She stood about the same size as Celestia, but with larger orange eyes and slightly smaller horn. Standing before me was Demeter, Dawn's long lost sister. "How…"
"The Apple Family has been around for a long time and holds a lot of secrets," she gave me that knowing smile of hers and all at once it hit me. All those times she seemed to know what was going to happen before it did, seemed to know what we were thinking before we said anything… "Are you ready to learn the biggest one?"
"Ah think Ah jus' did," I'm not going to lie, my mind was having trouble wrapping my head around all this. "Who else knows yer really a… an alicorn princess an' not some dodderin' ol' nag? No 'fence."
"Only a few of the older family members, like Apple Rose, and Goldie Delicious," she said as she stepped up next to me and gazed at the painting on the side of the barn. "Applejack's parents knew, and when they passed, the secret passed on to Big Mac."
"What about AJ or Bloom?" But she just shook her head slowly. "So mind if I ask why you're here, instead of in Canterlot, and how you've stayed hidden for so long?"
"After the defeat of Discord, I traveled the world fixing all the damage his chaos had done. However after I was done, I learned that I couldn't go back…" She said, but I already knew most of that. "See, my powers had grown so much over time that should Dawn and I ever come together for too long, we would cancel each other out."
"Cancel each ot're out, how?" I asked.
"I am the alicorn of life, while my brother is the alicorn of death," she informed me. "Imagine a world where nothing grows, no trees, no crops, and no young… yet at the same time no pony dies, not from sickness, or age, they just continue to exist until time itself ends."
"Fuck…"
"Dawn and I were so close as siblings that I knew he wouldn't care… So, for the good of all life on earth, I went into hiding." She was speaking softly as she watched the stars shimmer over our heads. "I have lived quietly these past few thousand years as a different member of the Apple clan, I would live with one family until it came time to fake my death, then I would rejoin another family as a filly, a cousin from another part of the clan, and start all over."
"But this time, before ya could fake yer death, Ma an' Pa Apple died and yah had ta stay on an' raise Mac, AJ, and Bloom," I finished for her as everything fell into place.
"I stayed on to raise Big Mac and Applejack," she corrected me as her horn began to glow.
"Oh, well in…" my brain suddenly slammed on the brakes and I thought I heard glass braking. "AJ an' Mac, but what 'bout Bloom?"
"That's a secret that Applejack will have to answer on her own time," Demeter shrugged as she lowered her horn at me.
"Granny, what are ya plannin' on doin', and why am Ah suddenly really nervous?"
"I'm going to cast a spell that will affect all humans, allowing them to breed with ponies this upcoming estrus season. However, I need a human to cast the spell through so that it works, kind of like a catalyst…"
"Oh, fuck me…"
"On the bright side," she gave me a wink as her horn got brighter. "You won't remember any of this in the morning."
"Holy shit," I exclaimed as I suddenly sat up, my heart racing and sweat dripping down my face. Glancing around, I found I was in bed with AJ who was still fast asleep. According to my watch it was almost 9 in the morning, hell what happened last… Oh yeah, the Gala. Fuck me, how late did we stay out?