Reviews:
RenaTamer: Couldn't resist what? ;p (I don't mind, gives me extra reviews which adds to my expanding ego.)
MLPFan298:
1) kek
2) de magics. Actually, Word of Co-God says that its so that readers get to read the whole story, instead of that. The encounter isn't in Mark's journal, or anybody else's, it's just in the story itself.
3) I got another BBQ chapter planned out, but it'll be a lot longer. So yes, I'll flesh him and the other characters out.
Zelfra1234: Nope, read the second answer to the above review.
Buttershoes: He's a butt monkey, that's why.
Vinyl Scratch: FUCK YOUR HEADCANON, I REJECT IT AND REPLACE IT WITH MY OWN. (nah, I loves ya for your opinions. Don't hate my story ;-;)
rainchaserbrony:
Mark: Wut.
OfAllTrades: In more ways than one (and yes, I will)
spartan1735: Better than nuthin.
cabbagethekitiran: First, Ich war auf meinem blutigen Co-Autor darauf warten, es zu beenden. Second, I only get carpal tunnel when I write, not when I type.
Sacob1: Wilco!
Affinity Seven: COUSIN! LET'S GO BOWLING! :D
OfAllTrades: Who?
MLPFan298: I'll figure out your phone number and call you in the middle of the night to demand a game of bowling.
AndJrew76:
implying this doesn't happen.
Lone The Dark Hearted Wolf: COUSIN!
rainchaserbrony: Filler.
From the personal journal of Shadow Loom (Apple Durnkinscoff)
Journal entry #132
Before I begin, I would like to point out that the Grand Galloping Gala is an event meant strictly for stuck-up, snobbish adults, and not for anypony of my age. So the fact that the CMC (the Cutie Mark Crusaders) had been invited to said event was like giving Pinkie a live grenade and waiting for the fireworks.
I may be young, but even I knew this was a bad idea. However, the three fillies are in a herd with Jonathan and all human's had been ordered to attend, so they too had received golden tickets. Now I'm not sure who is in charge of sending out the golden tickets, but you would think that somepony in the brain trust would realize that you shouldn't send out the invites to the biggest social event of all social events, by magic, in the middle of the afternoon… to a school house!
Needless to say, the young fillies and colts (plus Johnathan and Major for some reason) of Ponyville were in the middle of class when a scroll baring the royal seal flashed into existence and fell into Duran's lap. And of course, being children and wanting any excuse for a distraction from class work, we all turned and watched him open the scroll.
When Rick asked our teacher what the Grand Galloping Gala was, she explained to the confused Master Sergeant about the social gathering of Pony elite held every 5 years and then asked why he wanted to know. "Because I just received two tickets," he said as he held them up… and Cheerilee nearly fainted.
It was then, as we all giggled and snickered over our teacher's antics, that another scroll appeared and dropped onto John's desk. And the room went silent.
"Dear Mr. Apple," John began to read. "You and your herd are hereby invited to the Grand Galloping Gala! As you may know, this grand event only takes place every 5 years. To be invited is an honor only presented to 200 ponies (or otherwise)! Princess Celestia and Princess Luna with be on hoof to greet guests between 5:00 and 7:00pm. Enclosed you will find four tickets to the GGG and we hope to see you up at the Canterlot Palace on the eleventh of Juniper!
-The Royal Family
-ps: The attendance of the human military force is mandatory."
"GhArgggg!" Diamond Tiara suddenly exclaimed as she fell out of her seat and onto the floor. Her eyes had rolled up into the back of her head as she began to foam at the mouth…
And pandemonium erupted in the classroom!
Needless to say that there was no way Cheerilee or Rick could possibly control the small riot that erupted, so our teacher call the rest of the day a free period and sent us out to the playground. As for Tiara, Rick had to rush her to nurse Red Heart in fear that the little tyrant may have had a stroke. No such luck though, she was up and about the next day, and as nasty as ever.
Getting back to the Gala…
Over the next few weeks Rarity was happily inundated by every human/pony couple, all asking for new outfits for this grand event. Meanwhile I was content with knowing that I would be riding this one out safely back at the farm house. However, my dad had other ideas. Fact was, I had no clue I was going until Marshmallow-Butt arrived at the farm to do a final fitting.
By Celestia, I should have known something was up when Mark said I had to stay and watch.
Ok, first up were Big Mac and Judy. The big stallion of the family settled on a standard black tux with deep grey vest. His reasoning for such a plain outfit was that he wanted Judy to be the real focus. And was she ever. I'm still not sure who Jessica Rabbit is, but Judy really stood out in her body hugging, red sequenced cocktail dress. The dress was split up to her right hip and made her breasts look huge.
Mac started to drool.
And so it went. Applejack got a special dress that had a hidden extra hemline that she could drop and cover her legs if she decided to dance as a human. Mark had his old dress blues cleaned up and re-sized, he also sported several new medals on his chest. The CMC received dresses based on the ones from Shining Armor's and Princess Cadence's wedding. While the design for Sweetie Belle's, Scootaloo's, and Apple Bloom's dresses were the same, they differed in color and yet complemented each other.
Thinking the worst was over, I decided to head up to my room… when everything went black and I heard Rarity giggle. The next thing I knew, I was standing stock still in the middle of the living room with everypony looking at me.
"Oh she looks absolutely darling," Rarity beamed before glancing back to Mark. "I told you that it would work."
"You were right," my dad smiled his approval while the rest of the family nodded happily. "Black and blue are her colors."
No! Oh Celestia no… please don't tell me that they're going to make me go to that dammed Gala…
Looking down, I gasped in shock for I found myself in a layered flowing gown made from deliciously soft, electric blue crushed velvet and sumptuous embroidered taffeta. The taffeta had tiny gems and sequins stitched throughout giving it a truly magical feel. It had a corset style lacing to the front bodice and an open back for my wings that made it easier to adjust. The caller wasn't too high but blended beautify with a lace choker, while the detached lace sleeves ended in gossamer ruffled cuffs. All the lacing and hemming were done in black velvet and to top it all off, somewhere they had found me a pair of polished black army boots and black n white striped pantyhose stockings… I must admit, I looked gorgeous…
… I can't believe I just said that…
So there I was two days later, standing quietly between Mark and AJ as Dad glowered down at the pony who was working the door. "B..b..but I'm s..s..sorry S..s..sir, you only have two tickets," he stammered. "S..s..so one of you will have to wait -gulp- outside."
"Then the tickets are for my wife and daughter," dad growled, unintentionally flexing his hands as he gazed down at the cowering pony. I half expected the poor stallion to wet himself as Mark flashed him the scroll with Dawn's seal on it. "But you will be the one explaining to the Prince why I had to spend the entire evening over at Donut Joe's."
Actually from the way my father tasted, that was where he really wanted to be. Nothing like spending the entire Gala eating donuts and sipping coffee while talking with old Joe, now that Equestria had real coffee.
Luckily, to my mother's joy and my father's horror, the door pony wised up and let us all through.
However, it is here that I must reiterate that the Grand Galloping Gala was never intended for foals of any age. So I wasn't surprised when just after greeting a funny tasting Celestia and Luna, that the three tikes of terror grabbed John and disappeared into the crowd. And with dad and mom occupied, I decided to follow where the fun was going to be.
When I say fun what I really mean is a total lack of boredom. If it's one thing the CMC excels at, it's a form of controlled chaos that borders on self destruction. In any case it means that wherever those three fillies go as a team, you can be assured that danger and excitement are waiting just around the corner. Just around that corner and past a gathering of cackling noble mares, Jonathan paused long enough to say hello to Stephen Cepeda and his mate, Soarin, who in turn introduced the ecstatic fillies to the rest of the Wonderbolts crew.
While both Soarin and Stephen are male, and the idea that they like to ride each other seems to cause a bit of apprehension among the humans, I will point out that ponies don't have the same social hang-ups over same sex couples as humans do. The fact that most ponies are raised to be bisexual do to the lopsided gender populous, 1 male for every 5 to 10 females, and you get a society of rather open-minded ponies when it comes to sex.
It is at this point that I would like to point out that even though Jonathan was born before World War 1, and into a strict Baptist family, that for the most part he seemed ok with Soarin and Stephen. So the wave of anxiety that suddenly washed over him at meeting the mates had me concerned. It wasn't until I got a better glimpse of the situation, that I understood John's nervousness.
All the Wonderbolts had shown up in their trademark blue and yellow flight suits and so really stood out in the crowd. Flight suits, that I will remind you, are fur/skin tight to reduce drag while flying. And seeing as how Stephen was now an official Wonderbolt, he too was sporting a fur/skin tight suit of his own. To the chagrin of John-boy and the delight of Soarin, while the flight-suit was magically enchanted to hide a male's… package, it did little to hide the impressive wedgie that had crawled up into Cepeda's ass.
Even I was under the first impression that Stephen's outfit had been painted on, instead of being an actual flight suit.
Anyhow, after getting a few autographs, the CMC were once again on the move and Rainbow Dash had taken their place. Once again I decided to follow at a discreet distance as the little terror troop wandered about the party. Right off the bat I thought they were actually mingling with some of the snobs and being on their best behavior, not something one would expect from three farm town fillies, yet they were doing just that. I just couldn't believe my eyes. Together the CMC slowly walked along, not trotting or stampeding, but an actual dignified walk.
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo, stopped at each of the gossiping hen parties (and if you don't know what that is, ask an older male relative), greeting and holding brief conversations with the upper-crust of pony society, before calmly drifting off towards another. This had to be a trick, or some fucked up shift in reality. In all the time I had lived in Ponyville, never once had I witnessed the ball of energy that was Scootaloo ever acting so calm and distinguished.
An idea had struck while I was quietly moving through the Gala that Scoots was the adopted daughter of Princess Twilight Sparkle. And as such, Twilight would have taught her some etiquette… probably by force and a shoehorn. Of cores Rarity could have been to blame as well. Last thing she would want is her little sister and friends running about the Gala in one of her hoof-made dresses, while wreaking havoc.
Or this was all just a ploy of some kind and the girls were planning something… that last choice seemed more plausible.
After an hour of watching John and his herd mingle with the nobles, I had almost started to believe they had no alternative motives, when they up and disappeared. Ok, they really didn't vanish, they just ducked out a side door when no pony was looking. Realizing they had given me the slip, I darted out into the garden and froze.
Seems that my quarry had blundered out the doors and right into the path of Celestia herself.
"Princess Celestia," Scootaloo gasped as she and the other fillies skidded to a stop and bowed, while Jonathan simply stood and gave a friendly wave.
"Oh honestly young Scootaloo…" the sun princess rolled her eyes before addressing the groveling ponies. "How many times must I remind you that a princess needn't bow to another princess?"
"Oh yeah," the little pegasus stood. "Sorry about that Princess Celestia…"
"And again I remind you."
"Sorry Aunty Celestia…"
"And that goes for the rest of you." Miss Sunbutt gave a sweet smile before shifting her gaze to the others. "My sisters and I have never stood on ceremony when it comes to family, and you three are part of our family now. So rise and address me as such."
Yeah, right.
"Yes Aunty Celestia," Bloom and Sweetie nodded happily.
"There, isn't that better?"
"Yes Aunty," the CMC were all smiles now as they beamed up at the tall alicorn.
"Now that's settled, where pray tell are you four off to in such a hurry?" she asked while giving them each a knowing look.
"Ummm, do you want the truth," I watched Sweetie hesitantly question. "Or a harmless white lie that won't get us into trouble?"
"Your choice," Celestia tilted her head and waited.
"Ah guess it's truth then," Bloom sighed.
"We were hoping to secretly slip away from the party long enough to visit Xerox, the copy pony," Sweetie divulged, poking at the ground with a hoof.
Ok, at that point I felt justified in shadowing the three mini mares of mischief.
"You do realize that he lives within The School for Gifted Unicorns, that means the lot of you would have to leave the Palace grounds to accomplish your task." The Sun Princess stated as she shifted her gaze to the human teen. "And once outside the front gates, you wouldn't be able to return."
"But we…" Sweetie spoke up.
"However, if you were to use Twilight's secret door, a passage between the palace and the school," Celestia flashed as she flashed an impish smile. "Perhaps than, you're endeavors can remain covert?"
"Mom has her own secret door?" Scoots ears perked up.
"Indeed," Celestia turned and strode towards a pair of Luna's Night Guards. "You there, what be your names?"
"Corporal Night Wing," the first snapped to attention.
"Master Sergeant Dante, your majesty," the other saluted.
Why do I feel those two have an odd destiny?
Anyhow, Celestia carried on, "I know I am not the one you swore your allegiance to, but I have need of your services."
"Then we are yours to command," both bat-ponies bowed.
"Corporal, I request that you accompany these young ones on their quest to visit Xerox," Celestia stated as she nodded to the CMC.
"By your command."
I bet dad felt a shiver in the time-travelers' force on that response… damn Cylon ponies!
"As for you," I watched as she turned towards the Master Sergeant. "I have a special request that I'm sure you will enjoy."
Before long the group had made it to what I assumed was the tower that Twilight had lived in before moving to Golden Oaks Library. After seeing it first hoof, I couldn't help but wonder why she would willingly give up the posh abode, for a home in Ponyville… but then I remembered Applejack and the other members of Harmony, and it kind of made since. Anyhow, we finally came to a stop along the wall, just past the tower, next to a small pond. It was here that Celestia used her magic to reveal a hidden doorway that connected the School for Gifted Unicorns and the palace.
"It is here that we must leave you," the princess said as she bent her neck to nuzzle Scootaloo. "Do try to stay out of trouble little one."
"But Aunty, where's the fun in that," she giggled.
"I don't know about trouble," Jonathan stepped up for the first time. "But I will do my best to protect her."
"See that you do Mr. Apple," Celestia nodded. "Now if you will excuse us, Dante and I are needed elsewhere."
I found out later that Dante and a few choice guards were sent to place Blueblood under house arrest until some audit was made… need to ask dad about that one I guess.
After a quick goodbye the CMC were off once again, only this time it was across the campus of the most elite learning institution in Equestria. Following the instructions Celestia gave before she left, the CMC made their way to an unmarked door at the back of the school. The door opened up to a set of stairs that led deep under the building, past the janitor's office and the 3 massive furnaces, to a lonely door at the end of a dark hallway.
"By the queen mother, do you know what time it is," an off gray and very pissed off stallion, who looked like he hadn't seen the sun in years, poked his head out after several minutes of intense knocking. However after seeing the CMC and a Night Guard, he seemed to smarten up and ask, "errr…Yes, may I help you?"
"Sir, we are looking for Professor Xerox," the Night Guard stepped forward. "Are you him?"
"Y-yes?" the pour stallion was now utterly confused, and who could blame him?
"I am under orders by Princess Celestia to escort these Nobles," Night Wing said with a wave of a wing. "They wish an audience with you."
"Nobles," Xerox again glanced at the girls and at John. "Are you sure?"
"I'm Princess Scootaloo, daughter of Princess Twilight Sparkle. To my right is Lady Sweetie Belle and Lady Apple Bloom," Scoots announced before suddenly turning towards the shadows I was hiding in. "And over there is Lady Apple Durnkinscoff, daughter of General Mark Durnkinscoff."
Holly hell! Instantly my jaw hit the floor as the shocked guard spun to see where Scoots was pointing to… at me!
After a moment of disbelief, I stepped from the darkness and reluctantly joined the group… And seeing as how I had previously met the Professor while accompanying my dad on one of his many trips to Canterlot, the stallion recognized me and finally opened the door. Great, I was no longer an observer, now I was an accomplice to whatever the CMC had up their sleeves.
Up their sleeves… damn, I've been hanging around dad too much.
So we all entered the office and living establishment of Xerox. As we did, Night Wind took off his helmet and to the wonderment of everyone but me, shifted back into a mare. What can I say, I don't care how enchanted the royal guard's armor is, the emotions of a female taste different than that of a male… trust me on this one.
The lair of Xerox the copy pony was a one room hole in the wall that held a work desk, several shelves, a cot, a small fridge, hot plate, and a bathroom. That was it, no pictures on the walls, no rugs, not even a pillow for his cot. I can't say what this guy's pay was, but I know for sure he wasn't dirt poor. I guess he just likes to live that way.
Anyhow, while Scootaloo and John talked to the Professor, I slipped up to Apple Bloom to ask a nagging question. "So, how long have you guys known I was following you?"
"We've known since the autograph session with the Wonderbolts," Sweetie giggled.
"Yeah, yah were kinda obvious," Bloom nodded in agreement.
"But how, I'm a changeling for gods sake?"
"Three months ago we asked Mr. Schmidt to train us in espionage," Sweetie gave a shrug. "We were hoping to get our cutie marks in covert surveillance."
"We wanted to be spies," Bloom gave out a sigh as she slowly shook her head. "After 4 weeks of hard training… nothing."
"But the training stuck," Sweetie shrugged, "Just like all the other training we've done over the years."
Before I could inquire as to what types of training, Scoots had rejoined us. "Good news, he said he would do it," she said enthusiastically. And as I looked on, the three of them bounded over to the nearby work desk and began unloading their dimensional pockets. At first I didn't really care what they were getting copied, I mean, what could three teenage fillies want so bad that they needed multiples of it?
That was until I glanced up and saw the unmistakable barrel of a Browning M2 .50 caliber heavy machine gun.
"No," I simply said as I began slowly backing away. "No no no…"
"Ah knew this were goin' to happen," Bloom groaned out once the last of the gun was on the desk.
"You're not going to tell on us are you?" Scoots asked. "We are going to put it back once we rebuild it."
"And why shouldn't I, you stole one of Dad's guns… you stole and disassembled one of Dad's guns and… and you brought it here to the Gala…" my mind was having difficulties following what was happening before my very eyes, so I latched onto one enigma and tried to stay with it. "How the hell did you three manage to get your hooves on a Ma-Deuce?"
"Simple," Sweetie Bell shrugged. "We have a key to the armory."
Ok, of the explanations I was prepared for, that was not one of them. "And how did you get a key to the armory? Dad guards the only one with his life."
"After Mark came back from rule 63 land, he gave Applejack a copy to hide, in case he lost his or was off someplace where no one could reach him," Bloom spoke up. "And Ah happen to know where mah sister likes to hide things from me."
"… But…"
"Let's see, Ah got the key to the front gates of the base," to my amazement she had produced a key-ring and began to name each one off. "This one is to the motor pool, here's the one to Mark's office, that one goes to the hanger, oh, and here's the officer's mess…"
"But those aren't the only keys we have duplicates of," Scoots beamed. "See, a year before Mark came to Equestria, we had tried getting a cutie mark for being lock smiths, and now we have keys to every building in Ponyville."
"Fuck me," I gasped as the realization and weight of Scootaloo's confession slammed into me like a hammer hitting a grape. "You three are a fucking crime wave waiting to happen."
"Shucks naw," Bloom flinched back while the other two suddenly looked as if they had an awful taste in their mouths. "Steeling is dishonest, and besides, most of the ponies in town know we have them."
"Yeah," Sweetie agreed. "Most folks know that if they ever lose the keys to their house or business, that they can come to us to get new ones made."
"I… but… ok, fine," my little world of normality was spinning out of control and I needed something to stabilize it. "So you… borrowed the deuce from the armory to get it copied, but why?"
"Because the cannon on our tank is busted and we need something big enough to fill in the hole…"
And my last bit of sanity went swirling down the toilet bowl.
"What. Did. You. Just. Say?"
"Ah said that the cannon on our tank is busted and we need something big enough to fill in the hole," Apple Bloom reiterated for me.
"You three have a tank. A large, earth bound, heavily armored, tank?" I must have finally lost it for I could feel my left eye twitching uncontrollably as I sat my butt on the floor. I was hearing things, hallucinating, there was no way in hell the three of them could have or even hide a tank without someone knowing about it… And yet Bloom, Scoots, and Sweetie all looked to one another for a moment before nodding.
"If it makes you feel any better," John spoke up from behind me, nearly scaring me half to death. Someone needs to put a bell on that boy. "They wanted you to be the one to use it."
"U..use what?" I asked numbly as I looked up at him.
"We wanted you to be our gunner," Scoots smiled. "I'm the driver, Sweetie takes care of the magic, and AB is our commander."
"You want me to…" and ever so slowly my world began to right itself.
"Heck, y'alls the only one of use that Mark has bothered taking to the firing range," Bloom was grinning ear to ear. "That means you're the only one qualified to be our gunner."
"You do realize you would already know this stuff, if you ever came to a crusader meeting, right?"
I can't remember who said that last part or what happened the rest of the evening, for I was already daydreaming about braking in my very own Ma-Deuce.
I can't wait…