Chapter 1

The one thing my new job has taught me, is that reshelving books is a great time for your mind to wander. The monotonous task of putting the books back where they belong gives me a chance to reflect on my life so far. Sometimes my thoughts turn dark and I am stuck in a loop of bad memories. These memories are what led me here, but they never cease to send shockwaves down my back, almost making my knees buckle, make my hair stand on end, and make my heart rate double with no physical activity. The memories of my sick, twisted husband; of his hands twisting, pinching, hitting, roaming, and torturing my body. These are the memories I try to avoid whenever possible, but they find me nonetheless. Today however, I am able to keep them away for the most part. As I am completing my monotonous daily task, I am reliving the last three months and, ultimately, the best thing that has ever happened to me.

—--

It started out as one of the worst days of my life. I had just dropped Sophia off at school. My sweet, darling little girl is the light of my life and the only thing that was keeping me going while we were stuck in that hell hole. As soon as I pulled into the driveway, I knew the day was going to end badly for me. Ed, my lecherous excuse for a husband, hadn't left for work yet. Normally he was gone by the time I got back from the school, and I was free of him for the majority of the day. That day, however, I was anything but free.

I cautiously opened the front door and quietly set my things down. Ed didn't seem like he was sick the night before, so I couldn't figure out what had made him decide to stay home. As I silently made my way through the hall and into the kitchen I was wracking my brain to try to understand his reason for staying home. Granted I had been with him for ten years and had yet to understand the way his sick and twisted mind worked. I began to replay the night before trying to piece together whatever he may have in store for me today because I'm sure that I was going to get the brunt of whatever emotions were warring in his body.

I began to clean the breakfast mess up as I went over the events of the night before and this morning. There were the usual slaps and grabs that were so common at this point they didn't even register in my brain anymore. The things he said and names he called me were all on par for normal. Even though everything he did would be considered absolutely abhorrent outside of our home, they were normal. Because of this I couldn't figure out why he wasn't at work.

As I was cleaning and working through a panic attack at what was to come, I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear him come up behind me.

"Are you ignoring me, you dumb bitch?"His booming voice pulled me from my thoughts. Before I could register what was happening, Ed had grabbed me by the hair and was dragging me through the house.

"No bitch is gonna stand around in my house and act like she ain't gotta listen to me. I'm gonna show you how a proper wife should treat her husband."

"Ed, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. I promise it won't happen again." I started sobbing as my feet were trying to gain traction underneath me.

"Sorry ain't enough. I have seen the way you have been acting lately. I saw the way you looked at me after supper last night. Ain't no wife of mine gonna disrespect me in my own house!" His rambling wasn't making sense, and his hold was so tight on my hair that it was hard to think.

"I do respect you, Ed. I love you." The words were like acid coming out of my mouth, but they would sometimes lessen his onslaught. That wasn't the case today. Just as I was about to start pleading with him to let me go, I was thrown to the ground. My head crashed hard into the end of our bed. As I opened my eyes I saw the empty whisky bottle that had rolled under the bed. Ed drank beer everyday, but he rarely delved into hard liquor. When he did, he was ten times more vile, and seeing the bottle brought everything full circle.

I tried to scramble to my feet, but Ed was quicker than me even as impaired as he was now. He slammed into me and pinned me to the floor. He was so far gone at this point that he was mumbling incoherently.

"Dumb whore doesn't know what she has. I'm gonna show her what a real man is". As he said that last sentence I knew what my fate was. I began trying to kick him off of me, but Ed was a large man and in his drunken state he was like dead weight on top of my small frame. He began tearing at my shirt and bra. Once those were torn off my trembling body he roughly started groping me. My vision began to blur and vomit started racing up my throat. I swallowed the bile and lay limp under him. Sadly this wasn't the first time this happened, and I knew that it would all go quicker if I played along.

"Done fighting? I knew you were a whore. All you want is a strong man to put you in your place. I know you like that don't you?"

I lay there silently, tears streaming down my face. My silence was answered with a rough grab to both my breasts and I hard slap to the face.

"Answer me whore. Tell me how bad you want me to….to….ugh….ugh…uhhh"

As he was starting his tirade, Ed suddenly loosened his grip on me. I looked up, confused but relieved he had stopped. Ed was looking down at me with pain etched across his face, and he was clutching his chest.

"Ed, what's wrong", I was able to mumble out between sobs.

"Stupid bitch" Ed croaked out then fell over and landed on his side.

I quickly jumped to my feet and covered my exposed body with my hand. I bent down and nudged him with my free hand.

"Ed, Ed what's wrong? Are you ok? Ed, say something" I began shouting at him and shaking his large body as hard as I could. But, he never responded. He just looked past me with dead eyes.

"Oh my god, what did I do? I killed my husband!" my thoughts were a jumbled mess as I frantically tried to find a shirt. I ran to the closet and threw on the first thing I laid hands on. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I had bruises starting to form on my left cheek from the last blow he landed. My busted lip from the night prior had also been reopened and fresh blood was seeping down my chin. I had tears streaming down my face, and my eyes had a crazy gleam to them that I didn't quite recognize

The only thing I could think about was my baby. My sweet, amazing Sophia was going to grow up without a mother because I killed my husband. They were going to take me away, and I would never get to see my precious baby again. I would never see her ride a bike, go on a first date, or graduate. As I was staring myself down in the mirror, these thoughts were racing through my brain faster than I could comprehend them.

"No!" I screamed at my reflection. I was determined to not let that sad future come to pass. I was not going to be separated from my daughter because I had rid the world of her sorry excuse of a father. I steeled myself and stared down my new determined reflection. I would get us out of this one way or another.

—--

"Mommy"

My daughter's joyous voice brought me out of my flashback. I wiped my tears and schooled my features before I knelt down to sweep my angel into my arms. Sophia was adjusting so well to her new kindergarten classroom. I am so thankful that I was able to settle into the small town of Blue Ridge, Georgia after our frantic getaway. I didn't know how long we would be able to stay here, but I am so thankful for everything we have now.

I was able to find a job at the local library. They have a small apartment above it that we are able to rent, and they have an afterschool program that several children from the local elementary school attend, including Sophia.

"Mommy, guess what? I made a new friend on the bus today! This is her first day coming to the library because her daddy got a new job and he can't pick her up anymore. She was a little sad because she wanted her daddy, but I told her she could share my mommy when we get to the library. That made her feel better I think. Do you think that made her happy mommy?" Sophia somehow managed to get this entire monologue out in one breath and was panting from the effort.

I looked down at her and began to chuckle. "Yes Sophia, that was very nice of you to offer her your mommy. But she might have a mommy of her own, so maybe we can just be friends. How does that sound?"

"Ok, that sounds like a good idea! Do you want to meet her, her name is Bonnie. She is 7, so that means she is older than me, but I think we can still be good friends. She said she could read to me. Isn't that so cool mommy! She knows how to read real books."

"Slow down Sophia. I would love to meet Bonnie. Let me finish putting these books away and then I will come get you from the afterschool room. When I pick you up, you can introduce me to your new friend."

"Yay! I'm so excited, mommy. I love you" She yelled the last part as she began racing across the building to the afterschool room. I couldn't help but smile at my sweet little girl. I am so glad she was able to make a friend today, and now I am more determined than ever to make our new home work.