Chapter 12.
Cas stood as Jack entered the room. Jack's smile was immediate and sincere. "Cas!" he said, hurrying to embrace him. They met a great deal, to discuss all manner of things, but Jack's greeting was always loving. "How's everything at the bunker?" he asked, releasing Cas from the hug.
"Good," said Cas, glad that he could honestly say that, "Really good." he added.
Jack turned to Gabriel, "Would you excuse us, Gabriel?"
Gabriel got up with a hint of reluctance. "Yeah, sure, father/son stuff. I get it. I'm getting bored here anyhow. I'm gonna go play with some pompous asses." He vanished.
Jack sat on the couch and gestured for Cas to join him. "How is everyone?" he said.
Cas sat down. Jack could have known with a thought, but he respected their privacy, a boundless God with self-imposed boundaries. "All well." said Cas, "Eileen is sailing through her pregnancy and Sam seems ... I don't know ... relaxed. They spend a lot of time together, just being happy and that's beautiful, after everything they've been through."
"That's great." said Jack.
"They just found out the baby's a girl. Everyone's excited about that."
"Me too. I'll have a little sister."
"Yes, you will." said Cas, "You'll come to see her, when she's born?"
"Of course I will."
"Dean's good too. He's better than I've seen him in years. Less haunted. Anael is good for him. I never thought she would be. It's good to be wrong about that."
"And you're okay with it?" said Jack.
"I'm grateful. Nobody in this world deserves happiness more than he does."
"Except maybe you."
Cas smiled. "And I have it too. A son dearer than my own life, my beautiful betrothed, Jules, everything."
"Your son loves you more than anything else in this world or any other." said Jack.
"How could anyone need more than that?" said Cas.
There was a pause. Jack watched him patiently, as if waiting for him to say something. He felt he knew what was expected.
"They know," he said, "About my visits to Chuck."
"Good. It's best that they know."
"Dean was worried. He wants me to talk to him after each visit."
"Will you?" said Jack.
"I will. I was trying not to involve them. I never want him to be able to hurt them again, but as long as they stay away from him, it seems a good idea to share the burden a little."
"If his existence troubles you, just say and I will end it. He lives because Sam and Dean wanted him to, but they would kill him in a moment if it seemed the best thing for you."
It was not the fact that his deity was offering to carry out a hit for him that warmed his heart, but the fact he didn't doubt for a second that Jack was right. There was nothing the Winchesters would not do to him.
"As long as he has the potential to become better, I want him to have the opportunity." He realised how naïve he might sound. "It's not too late, is it?"
"No, it's not too late." said Jack, "I understand. I used to hope my father would change. I hope my grandfather can. Maybe he can be a better human than he was a god."
"Not much prospect at the moment." said Cas regretfully.
Jack frowned in sympathy. "Your influence made me what I am."
"Gabriel thinks so too, but Jack, you were born good."
"So is everyone, but most become corrupted. I needed your guidance and so does he."
"Gabriel?" said Cas.
Jack smiled. "More than you will ever know, but I meant Chuck."
"Sometimes, I feel he needs a better guide than me."
"There isn't one, but it's not your job, your duty or your penance. I want that to be clear."
"I don't understand." said Cas. He considered it all three.
"Whatever you do for him is an act of charity, of pity. You owe him nothing, Castiel. You owe nothing to anybody."
"I owe everything to the Winchesters and to you."
"No. Never to me. He may be beyond saving. That's his choice, not your failure. My fear is that your compassion for him will become anger at yourself."
"Dean does that. I never have."
"You and Dean are very alike."
"I wish that were true." said Cas. He looked into his son's eyes, seeing there his infinite love. Of course Jack saw him as like Dean. They were both heroes to him. Sam too. God or not, Jack still saw with the eyes of a devoted child. Cas still saw him as that child too and now a child in need of reassurance. "I will remember your words." he said, "I won't blame myself if he can't change."
Jack nodded. "Thankyou."
"Dean and Anael are going with me to Sioux Falls later." said Cas.
"That's good." said Jack, "By car or ... "
"No, I can fly them there." He wondered if Jack thought Anael was using her angelic powers, in breach of the rules he had set for her to become human. He decided to clarify. "Anael is willing to be zapped there by me, but never uses her own wings. She is living entirely as a human now."
"And does that trouble you?" said Jack, reminding Cas of his irrational anger at the thought in the past.
"You and Sarah and Jules helped me to understand how foolish it was to expect her to feel as I do about remaining an angel."
"That doesn't sound like a no." said Jack.
"It is one. I see her adapting to a human life and it's nothing like it was for me. I found small compensations, but longed to be an angel again. She finds true joy in it. She laughs, Jack and she makes Dean laugh and it is the mot beautiful sound I've ever heard from him or her."
"But something still troubles you." said Jack, as perceptive as ever.
"Only that Dean still hates it. He's happy with her and he loves her and every human thing she does makes him proud, but whenever she talks about becoming human, he refuses to discuss it or he gets angry and tells her their relationship will be over if that ever happens."
"Do you think he means it?" said Jack.
Cas nodded. "I'm afraid he does. When Dean says something, it's set in stone. He almost never goes back on his word."
"Sarah says almost leaves a foothold for hope."
"I hope, but on this matter, my faith is weak."
"He never talks about the benefits of her becoming human? He must know ow they could have so much more that way."
"He does know it, I'm sure, but even if he wants it with all his heart, if he thinks it's wrong, he'll never countenance it."
"Is she trying to change his mind? I did advise her to persuade him if she could."
"His is not an easy mind to change."
Jack smiled sadly. "I remember."
"Mostly, she's trying to make the relationship work and we all know constant battles are not going to help with that."
"But other than that one big issue, they are good together?"
"Very. You should come to the bunker one evening, have supper with us. Seeing them together will, make you very happy."
"Yes, I must do that sometime soon. I miss the bunker suppers."
"You're always welcome. It's always your home."
"It always feels that way." said Jack.