Chapter 1

A/N:

Summary: Harry has always known he was a wizard but was brought up being ashamed for it and told he was going to hell for it. He arrives at Hogwarts and is sorted into Slytherin and he comes with more trauma than anyone would expect the golden boy to have.

Side note: I got the idea for this fic from listening to Hell As Well by We Three, if you haven't heard it, it's really emotional but its great, and I 10/10 recommend listening to it. Also, this is a sensitive topic and an emotional story. It gets much less graphic after the first chapter, but please don't leave negative reviews on this chapter because this is not the place to talk negatively about these topics. This is a situation that happens in the church setting and my intention upon writing this story to bring awareness to this issue and to demonstrate the healing that every victim deserves.

TW for child abuse, sexual abuse adult/minor, semi-graphic rape scenes, grooming, eating issues, religious trauma, religion bashing (kinda)

4 years ago:

Vernon gripped Harry by the neck, pinning him against the wall, "That's it Freak! This is the last freak accident you'll do under my roof, ya hear?"

Spittle flew into Harry's face and he tried to maintain eye contact with his uncle. He hadn't meant to break the door under the stairs, honest. He hadn't even really understood how he had done it. He just panicked at being locked in his cupboard, and just like that the door was in a hundred pieces on the floor.

"You'll be havin' private lessons with the pastor twice a week from now on. He's gonna teach you how to be a good Catholic." Vernon spat.

7-year-old Harry nodded quickly, wanting to avoid any further punishment.

The following Sunday after church, Vernon and Petunia all but shoved him at the pastor before leaving the Cathedral. Harry wouldn't call his family very religious, but it was something they did every week. Harry thought it was almost ironic that they let him attend church with them, but wouldn't let him eat at the same dinner table.

The pastor put a hand on Harry's shoulder and guided him into his back office, rubbing fingers around his arm as he did so. Once they reached the office, he shut the door behind him. Noticing Harry's weary look he said, "For privacy. So no one but God can listen in on our chats."

Harry nodded, anxiety building in his chest. He was pushed into a chair and the pastor leaned against the desk, standing in front of him. Harry looked up at him as he spoke, "Now Harry, your family tells me you've been a troublemaker at home. That you do 'magic' and you're always a bad boy. But I'll tell you something, I don't believe them. You're such an innocent boy. I think you're a good boy. Are you a good boy Harry?"

He nodded quickly and smiled. Someone believed him! Him! "I am! I swear it! They're liars and they're so mean."

Pastor John nodded and knelt down until he was at eye level with Harry, "I see how they talk to you, I see how you come into church in the summer with long sleeves on. I see you, Harry. I see that you're smaller and skinnier than the other kids your age. They neglect you, don't they? They don't care about you. Am I right?"

The pastor's hand was gently rubbing Harry's leg now, but he wasn't paying attention to anything but the man's words. Harry nodded again. It felt so good. So good to be seen and understood. These private lessons would be the best thing that ever happened to him. An adult he could finally trust. A friend, maybe. No one else cared about him, but Pastor John, he knew it. He saw it.

"They call me a freak," Harry whispered, "they probably wouldn't care if I were dead in a ditch. In fact, they might even throw a party."

The pastor cupped Harry's face, and Harry closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. Never in his life had he been touched like this. Seen like this. He felt like he was floating.

"You poor thing," Pastor John said, "Don't worry little Harry. I'm going to help you. I'm going to be your friend, I'll be the only person who cares about you in this whole world. Just me and God. We're the only ones who love you Harry. Just one condition…actually never mind. You're much too young to understand." He sighed.

Harry opened his eyes and looked at the pastor eagerly, "Anything. I'm not too young, I promise. Just tell me. I can do it."

Pastor John smiled at Harry, "Alright. My condition is that what happens in our sessions stays between us. You can't tell anyone, okay? It's God's business. Mine and Gods only. All the things we'll do together, it's God's plan. Do you want me to save you, Harry?"

He nodded and breathed, "Yes."

"Tell me you'll be a good boy Harry," Pastor John smiled.

"I'll be a good boy. I promise." Harry replied.

He smiled, "Have some tea with me."

Harry sat on the pastor's lap so that he'd be able to reach the tea on the desk more easily. Harry thought it was a brilliant idea when Pastor John had suggested it. He was so caring. He really cared about Harry, he could tell. He even held onto him, hands shifting around his torso and on his legs so that he wouldn't fall off the chair. Harry had never had someone care about him so much before.

Their hour went by much too quickly and when it was time for Harry to come back again on Wednesday that week, he was ecstatic. His family never inquired about what they did in their sessions, nor did they care. But Harry didn't mind, as he had a new friend.

They had tea again, but this time Pastor John's hands wandered lower than his torso. "What are you doing?" Harry asked, uncomfortable.

Pastor John smiled, "I'm just examining your body for God, Harry. Your body is a vessel of worship. He needs to make sure you're growing in all the right places. You trust me, don't you? There's no need to be nervous in God's house, little Harry."

The following week, he had Harry take off all his clothes so he could do a more thorough examination for God. Harry didn't like it so much, but he trusted his friend. Pastor John ran his hands all over Harry's naked body. When he was done, he smiled up at Harry, "Very nice, little Harry. Your body is perfect. Just like God made it."

During their next session, Pastor John took off his clothes, showing Harry what a real man looked like. He said it was only fair since he saw Harry's naked body that he could see his. Pastor John said he wanted to build trust between them and this was how to do that. Harry didn't understand what he was seeing for the most part. That wasn't what his body looked like, was there something wrong with him?

In the following session, Pastor John took his clothes off again and told Harry to touch his manhood because God wanted Harry to know what an adult felt like. He instructed him to stroke it, to play with it. Harry did what he was told, like always. He was good like that.

It was in their next session that the inevitable happened. God had told Pastor John that what they'd been doing was not enough. God had chosen Harry to be wise beyond his years, the pastor told him. He had been chosen to feel an adult, not only with his hands but with his whole body. And with that, Pastor John had thrust himself inside of Harry.

Their sessions continued until Harry got his letter to attend Hogwarts. He wasn't sure if he was relieved to get away from Pastor John, or sad because in some sick way, he almost looked forward to being touched like that. To be given the attention he so desperately craved. To feel loved, even if in an awful way.