They say I may be making a mistake
I would've followed all the way, no matter how far
I know when you go down all your darkest roads
I would've followed all the way to the graveyard
~Graveyard, Halsey
Throughout the next few days, Ruby's attempts at reconciliation with Astarion became increasingly desperate. She found herself caught in a relentless cycle of hope and disappointment, her heart weighed down by the weight of his rejection.
Each time she reached out to him, hoping for even the smallest sign of acceptance, she was met with coldness and disdain. Astarion's dismissive words cut deeper with each encounter, leaving her feeling more isolated and misunderstood than ever before.
Despite the pain he caused her, Ruby refused to give up on Astarion. She believed in the goodness she glimpsed beneath his aloof exterior, and she was determined to break through his walls of mistrust.
But as the days passed and Astarion continued to push her away, Ruby's hope began to dwindle. Her once bright optimism dimmed with each rejection, leaving behind a sense of futility that weighed heavily on her soul.
Still, she persisted, offering him soft smiles and attempts at humor in the hopes of melting his icy demeanor. Yet, each gesture seemed to only reinforce his belief that she was better off kept at arm's length.
It pained her to see someone so deeply wounded by past betrayals, so consumed by fear and suspicion that he couldn't recognize the genuine care and concern she offered.
Despite her best efforts, Ruby couldn't shake the feeling of helplessness that settled over her like a shroud. It was a bitter realization that no matter how much she cared for him, she couldn't force Astarion to trust her.
However, despite those persistent barriers between them, Ruby couldn't help but cherish the rare moments when she felt a flicker of connection with Astarion. She could sense a glimmer of pride in his eyes when she accomplished something remarkable.
One such moment unfolded amidst the chaos of their journey, as a duergar confronted them about the ownership of a boat they had commandeered. With quick thinking and a daring maneuver, Ruby swiftly dealt with the situation, pushing the duergar off their vessel with a mixture of determination and finesse.
As she glanced back at Astarion in the aftermath, she caught a glimpse of something different in his expression. His eyes sparkled with a hint of amusement, and a small, proud smile tugged at the corners of his lips. In that fleeting moment, they shared a silent acknowledgment of their shared victory.
But as quickly as it came, the moment faded. When their eyes met, Astarion's proud smile dissolved into a scowl, his walls snapping back into place with an almost tangible force.
As they approached the abandoned Sharran temple, now repurposed into a massive forge under the control of the duergar, the oppressive heat enveloped them like a suffocating blanket.
Despite the discomfort and the ominous atmosphere, Ruby remained steadfast in her determination to rescue the enslaved deep gnomes. They had made a promise, and she was not one to break her word, no matter the dangers that lay ahead.
Beside her, Astarion's complaints echoed through the dimly lit corridors. His disdain for their mission was palpable, his every word dripping with sarcasm and irritation. But Ruby paid him little heed, her focus fixed on the task at hand.
The dhampir could sense the weight of the battle looming ahead, the odds stacked against them like mountains ready to crush them.
But Ruby was not one to be deterred by mere probabilities. She had faced insurmountable odds before and emerged victorious, fueled by her unwavering courage. The prospect of a potentially lethal battle only served to ignite the fire burning within her even brighter, driving her forward with a fierce determination.
As the battle began, the unexpected betrayal of some duergar threw the party into chaos. Despite the tempting offer of assistance, Ruby's moral compass remained steadfast, refusing to align herself with those she deemed no better than Nere. Her decision sent shockwaves through the party, but the dhampir remained resolute in her convictions, unwilling to compromise her principles for the sake of a temporary advantage.
Initially, the tide of battle seemed to turn in their favor, as the combined efforts of the party pushed back against Nere's forces. Spells crackled through the air, blades clashed against armor, and cries of triumph mingled with the sounds of anguish.
But then, amidst the chaos, a searing pain lanced through Ruby's skull, sharp and relentless. The echoes of her parents' lost souls reverberated through her mind.
DANGER! LEAVE!
Clutching her ears in agony, Ruby collapsed to the unforgiving stone floor, her senses overwhelmed by the onslaught of pain. Each heartbeat felt like a hammer blow against her skull, threatening to shatter her resolve.
RUBY! DANGER!
Through the haze of agony, Ruby could see her companions locked in their own struggles. Karlach engaged in a fierce battle with a duergar who seemingly matched her in size and strength, their desperate struggle teetering perilously close to the edge of a seething lava pit.
Wyll and Gale fought side by side, their spells weaving a dazzling tapestry of magic as they sought to hold back the tide of enemies advancing upon them. Shadowheart and Lae'zel, despite their differences, fought with a begrudging unity, each one protecting the other's flank as they clashed with their foes.
But amidst the chaos, one notable absence stood out like a gaping wound in their ranks. Astarion was nowhere to be found.
LEAVE! RUBY!
As Ruby's senses teetered on the edge of oblivion, her vision blurred and wavered, the world around her fading into a hazy blur of shapes and shadows. The clamor of battle faded into the background, drowned out by the relentless throbbing of her own heartbeat and the cacophony of voices echoing through her mind.
In the midst of her disorientation, a primal instinct stirred within her, a silent warning that something was amiss. Yet, ensnared in the grip of her own pain, she remained unaware of the danger lurking just beyond her vulnerable form.
A sinister presence slinked through the shadows, a sadistic drow with malice gleaming in his eyes. With calculated precision, he closed in on her, his movements silent and predatory.
LEAVE! DANGER!
But even as the drow's malevolent presence drew near, Ruby's attention was drawn elsewhere, her gaze locking onto a figure emerging from the chaos of battle. Astarion, who had seemingly vanished in their time of need, stood before her, his form illuminated by the flickering light of the forge.
In that moment, time seemed to stand still as their eyes met, a silent exchange passing between them that transcended the chaos and turmoil surrounding them. Ruby's heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, a rush of emotions flooding her senses with a dizzying intensity.
RUBY! LEAVE!
As the haze of pain began to recede, Ruby's bleary vision cleared just in time to witness a scene that would forever be etched into her memory. Through the fog of agony, she watched in disbelief as Astarion, his features contorted with rage, took swift and decisive action.
With a fluid motion, he drew back the string of his bow, his aim seemingly directed at her. Fear gripped her heart as she braced herself for the impact, but to her astonishment, the arrow sailed past her, finding its mark in the form of an approaching figure.
Before Ruby could fully comprehend what was happening, Astarion leaped over her, moving with a speed and precision that bordered on the supernatural. With grace, he closed the distance between himself and Nere, driving a dagger deep into the drow's throat.
The sight was both mesmerizing and terrifying. Ruby watched in silence as he unleashed a relentless barrage of strikes, each one driven by a primal fury that seemed to consume him from within.
By the time Astarion ceased his assault, Nere lay lifeless at his feet. But even in the aftermath of the violence, there was a flicker of something unexpected in Astarion's eyes—a hint of concern, a trace of vulnerability that belied his stoic facade.
Without hesitation, he scooped her up in his arms, his movements surprisingly gentle as he carried her out of the ongoing battle.
For Ruby, it was a moment of profound disbelief, a surreal convergence of violence and tenderness that defied all logic. As Astarion cradled her close, the weight of the pain and turmoil that had consumed her mind began to lift, replaced by a sense of peace and clarity. As quickly as it had begun, the voices in her head fell silent.
With a tenderness that belied his usual aloof demeanor, Astarion gently placed her down, ensuring she was safely out of harm's way. Ruby couldn't help but watch him with a mixture of awe and confusion.
As he hovered over her, concern etched into every line of his face, Ruby found herself trapped in his gaze, their eyes locked in a silent exchange that spoke volumes without the need for words. In that moment, she saw something in Astarion's eyes that took her breath away—a depth of feeling that she had never dared to imagine.
For a heartbeat, their faces were mere inches apart. Ruby's heart pounded in her chest, her thoughts racing as she struggled to make sense of the tumultuous emotions swirling within her.
Astarion's gaze softened, a flicker of vulnerability shimmering in the depths of his eyes. It was a fleeting moment of honesty, a glimpse behind the mask of indifference he so often wore.
But as quickly as it had appeared, the moment passed, shattered by the awkward clearing of Astarion's throat. Ruby's head spun with a dizzying whirlwind of unwanted thoughts, her mind racing to process the implications of what had just transpired.
He cared about her. The realization hit her like a bolt of lightning, electrifying every nerve in her body. Despite his sharp tongue and biting sarcasm, Astarion had chosen to save her life when she was most vulnerable, instead of leaving her to fend for herself amidst the chaos of battle.
She could no longer deny the truth that had been lurking in the depths of her heart for far too long.
Her feelings for Astarion had never been purely platonic; they ran far deeper than mere friendship. From the moment she first laid eyes on him, her heart had quickened, a telltale sign of the undeniable attraction she felt towards him.
With each passing encounter, her feelings had only grown stronger, blossoming into something she could no longer ignore. The way he moved, the sound of his voice, the enigmatic gleam in his eyes—every aspect of him stirred something within her, igniting a flame of desire that burned brighter with each passing day.
But amidst the turmoil of her emotions, a nagging doubt crept into her mind. Even if she were to lay bare her heart before him, would Astarion ever be capable of reciprocating her feelings? Would he ever understand the depth of her feelings, or would he remain forever ensnared by the shadows of his own past?
Fuck it.
As Astarion stood poised to retreat into the shadows once more, Ruby refused to let him slip away. With a sudden surge of courage, she reached out and caught the sleeve of his armor, her touch gentle yet firm, anchoring him to the present moment.
As she drew him closer, her heart pounding in her chest, Ruby felt a surge of anticipation course through her veins. With a trembling hand, she cupped his cheek, her fingers tracing the line of his jaw with a delicate touch.
Their eyes locked in a silent exchange. And then, without a word spoken, without hesitation, Astarion closed the distance between them, his lips meeting hers in a searing kiss.
In that moment, time seemed to stand still as they melted into each other, their bodies pressed together in a desperate embrace. Astarion's arms encircled her, pulling her closer as if afraid to let her go. Their lips moved together in a dance of longing and desire.
With each passing second, their kiss deepened, the world around them continuing to fade into oblivion. Ruby's fingers tangled in Astarion's curls, the soft strands slipping through her touch like silk.
And then, as if a dam had burst within her, a single tear trickled down Ruby's cheek. It wasn't for herself that she wept, but for Astarion—for the pain he had endured, for the darkness that threatened to consume him whole. She could see it do so in every little thing he did.
In that moment, all she wanted was to shield him from the shadows that haunted his past, to offer him the solace and comfort he so desperately craved. Her only hope was that their burgeoning connection, their tender kiss, was untainted by the ghosts that lingered in the recesses of his mind.
But as quickly as it had begun, their embrace was shattered by Astarion's sudden withdrawal. Without a word, he broke away from her, his expression unreadable as he turned and disappeared into the fray of battle once more.
For a moment, Ruby sat there, dazed and disoriented, her lips still tingling from the ghost of his touch. She absentmindedly brushed her fingertips against her mouth, a stunned realization dawning upon her—she had just experienced her first kiss, a moment of pure and unadulterated intimacy with someone she cared for.
With a deep breath, Ruby shook off her reverie and steeled herself for the fight ahead. As she joined her companions in the heat of battle, her heart still racing with the memory of their stolen moment, she knew that nothing would ever be the same again.
As the echoes of battle gradually faded into the distance, leaving behind only the lingering scent of smoke and the quiet hum of victory, the companions found themselves standing amidst the aftermath of their hard-won triumph. But amidst the camaraderie and relief that permeated the air, one shadow loomed large over the group—the unsettling silence that hung between Ruby and Astarion. Despite the euphoria of their victory, he had remained distant, his usual charm replaced by an impenetrable wall of silence.
As they set up camp in the corridor that separated the Grymforge from the Shadow-Cursed Lands, Ruby couldn't shake the sense of unease that gnawed at her insides. She stole glances in Astarion's direction, hoping for some sign, some indication that their stolen moment had meant something to him, but he remained as enigmatic as ever, his gaze fixed on the flickering flames of their campfire.
Each passing moment only served to deepen Ruby's uncertainty, leaving her to wonder if their kiss had been nothing more than a fleeting impulse, a momentary lapse in Astarion's guarded facade. But even as doubt gnawed at her heart, Ruby refused to give in to despair.
As she emerged from the confines of her tent into the chilly embrace of the night, a sense of solitude enveloped her like a shroud. The camp lay silent and still, the crackling embers of their extinguished fire casting long shadows across the corridor that separated them from the ominous expanse of the Shadow-Cursed Lands.
Despite the proximity of the Grymforge, whose heat still lingered in the air, the biting cold of the surrounding landscape seemed to seep into her bones, leaving her shivering despite the thick blanket draped over her shoulders.
She spotted Astarion sitting in front of his own tent, his gaze fixed on some unseen horizon, lost in the depths of his own thoughts. As she approached him, her footsteps muffled by the soft crunch of frost-covered earth beneath her boots, she couldn't help but notice the tremors that racked his slender frame, invisible to all but the keenest observer.
Without a word, Ruby settled down beside him, the warmth of her presence a stark contrast to the icy chill of the night. In a gesture of silent empathy, she carefully draped one side of her blanket around his shoulders, enveloping him in its comforting embrace.
Astarion tensed at her touch, his muscles coiled with an instinctual wariness born of a lifetime spent on the fringes of society. But as the soft fabric of the blanket enveloped him, he gradually relaxed, the tension seeping from his body like water from a sponge.
"You'll catch a cold out here wearing nothing but thin camp clothes, you do realize that, don't you?" she teased, her tone playful yet affectionate.
To her surprise, she thought she caught a faint chuckle escaping from Astarion's lips.
"In case you've forgotten, darling, I am dead. I don't catch colds," he quipped in response, his voice laced with a wry humor that belied the darkness lurking within him.
Ruby couldn't help but chuckle softly at his retort, her amusement mingling with a genuine fondness for the vampire spawn at her side. With a gentle nudge, she leaned closer to him, the warmth of their shared laughter a welcome respite from the chill of the night.
"Lucky you," she murmured.
"Lucky me, indeed," Astarion replied, his voice tinged with a wistful note that didn't escape Ruby's notice.
As she studied the expression on his face, a pang of sadness tugged at her heart. Despite the facade of indifference he often wore like armor, she could see the flicker of discomfort that shadowed his features, the faint lines of disgust etched into his brow.
"What's wrong?" she pressed gently, her voice soft with concern. With a quick motion, she pulled her hair to one shoulder and craned her neck, offering herself to him without hesitation. "Are you hungry? Feed, I'll be okay," she reassured him, her smile widening as their eyes met. "I promise."
Astarion let out a long sigh, the sound heavy with the weight of his conflicting emotions. "I... appreciate the offer, Ruby. I truly do, but-"
But before he could finish, she lowered her gaze, her hand instinctively falling away from her neck as she searched his face for answers. "What?" she prompted softly, her voice barely more than a whisper.
"No, no. Not like that, my dear," he clarified hastily, as if desperate to dispel any misunderstanding. "I fed on those disgusting duergar earlier. I would've gladly drank your blood over theirs, but unfortunately, they were my only options at the time."
As Ruby's thoughts continued to whirl in the aftermath of their kiss, the memory played over and over in her mind like a relentless echo, refusing to fade into the background. With each repetition, the intensity of her emotions grew, mingling with a sense of confusion and uncertainty that threatened to overwhelm her.
"What happened earlier?" she blurted out, unable to contain the torrent of questions that swirled within her. Heat rose to her cheeks, casting a crimson hue across her face as she turned away from Astarion, unable to bear the weight of his gaze.
"Why did you kiss me? Why did I kiss you? I told you we were friends and that's all," she stammered, the words tumbling from her lips in a jumble of confusion and self-doubt. She braced herself for his response, her heart pounding in her chest as she waited for some semblance of clarity to emerge from the chaos of her thoughts.
When she finally mustered the courage to turn back around, she was met with an unreadable yet strangely soft expression on Astarion's face. His features were a mask of enigma, his eyes betraying nothing of the tumultuous emotions that undoubtedly raged within him. Yet despite his silence, there was a tenderness in his gaze that sent a shiver down Ruby's spine.
But still, he said nothing, leaving Ruby to grapple with the weight of her own words in the deafening silence that stretched between them. She felt herself shrinking, folding into herself as the weight of her confession settled upon her shoulders like a heavy burden.
"That was my first kiss, ya know?" she admitted softly, her voice barely more than a whisper. "28 years old and never been kissed."
The admission hung in the air like a delicate thread, vulnerable yet resilient in its honesty. In that moment, Ruby felt exposed, laid bare before Astarion in a way she had never dared to be before.
Astarion let out another sigh, the sound a weary exhalation of breath that spoke volumes of the turmoil that churned within him. "Well, since we're out here spilling our secrets," he began, his voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability, "You were my first, too."
Ruby's heart skipped a beat at his confession, a rush of conflicting emotions washing over her in a dizzying wave. She knew exactly what he was referring to—the night they escaped the nautiloid, when she allowed him to feed on her in a moment of desperation and hunger. He had only ever fed on animals before, mostly sickly or dead rats.
"I miss being able to talk to you like this," Ruby confessed. Crimson eyes widened in surprise at her words, a flicker of something indefinable crossing the vampire spawn's features.
"Listen, I don't know everything you're going through right now," she continued, her tone gentle yet firm, "and I don't understand why I kissed you or why you kissed me, and that's okay if you don't either. But there's one thing I do know for a fact; we're friends, okay? You can talk to me about anything. I won't judge you."
Astarion's scoff cut through the air like a blade, his disbelief palpable as he shook his head in resignation. "Darling, if you knew of half the horrors I caused in my two centuries as a vampire spawn, you'd be gone within seconds."
Ruby's heart clenched at his words, the weight of his confession bearing down on her like a heavy burden. But she refused to let his past define him, to allow the shadows of his history to obscure the light that still burned within him.
"Whatever you did, Astarion. It wasn't by choice," she insisted, her voice unwavering in its conviction. With a hesitant motion, she leaned in and planted a quick kiss on his cheek.
As she unwrapped herself from the blanket, she draped it further around Astarion's trembling form, offering him the warmth and comfort he so desperately needed. "You're not alone in this. Not anymore," she whispered, her words a gentle promise that echoed through the night air.
With a soft smile, she met his gaze, finding solace in the awe that shimmered in his eyes. In that moment, she saw a glimmer of hope within him.
"Sleep well, Aestar," she murmured, turning away.
As she made her way back toward her tent, she felt Astarion's gaze lingering on her retreating figure, his shock evident in the furrow of his brow. But she didn't look back, trusting that her words had found their mark, that the seeds of understanding she had planted within his heart would one day blossom into something beautiful and true.
And as she settled into her bedroll, wrapped in the warmth of it and the quiet solace of her own thoughts, she allowed herself to believe—for just a moment—that maybe, just maybe, they could find a way through the darkness together.