Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. This work is the interpretation of the original material and not created for profit. No copyright infringement is intended.

References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

WARNING: This story deals with topics like death, suicide, depression, psychological and emotional abuse as well as the prejudices and values of the time that today might be considered discriminatory.

AN: During times of grief, individuals navigate their emotions at their own pace. It's rare to find everyone experiencing grief in perfect synchrony. As depicted in this chapter, the varying stages of grieving can often lead to conflicts.

Chapter 4

As Colin walked through the familiar streets of London, he felt the weight of judgmental eyes upon him, as though Lady Whistledown's latest missive had painted a target on his back, inviting scrutiny from every passerby. The scandalous whispers echoed like a relentless refrain, pelting him like rain, while his own storm of emotions threatened to overwhelm him. He battled against regret and remorse, spending every moment pushing his thoughts away just to manage the most mundane of tasks, yet they clung to him like shadows, refusing to be dispelled by any ray of light.

Turning into Hyde Park, Colin spotted a familiar figure beneath the sheltering branches of an ancient elm tree. It was his sister Eloise, her troubled countenance reflecting his own inner turmoil.

He knew all too well the tempestuous nature of Eloise's emotions, and he braced himself for the storm that awaited as he approached. Yet, despite the looming threat of her wrath, he couldn't help but feel drawn to her side, compelled to offer the small comfort he himself craved.

"Eloise," he greeted softly,his voice a mere whisper in the afternoon breeze. It was a tentative overture, like testing the waters to see if they would burn or simply warm you.

His sister turned to him, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Colin," she replied, her voice trembling with emotion. "I... I cannot bear it. How can she be gone? Today, I prepared to set out for our usual rendezvous in the park, only to realize halfway there that Pen would not be accompanying me. That I would have to go alone. Not have anybody to talk to. Who would hear me out, humor me, advise me, laugh at me and my silly ideas… she was… she was like another sister to me."

Colin's heart constricted with pain. His chest felt tight, as if a vice were squeezing the air from his lungs. He fought to steady his breath, his grief threatening to consume him entirely.

"I know I made an unforgivable mistake, Eloise," he began, his voice thick with emotion. "If only I hadn't uttered those thoughtless words, perhaps Penelope would still be with us. But please, we knew her best. Can't we try to grieve together?"

Eloise's laughter rang out, bitter and hollow. "'Oh, now YOU seek our solidarity,' she retorted. "Mr. I-don't-care-what-happens-in-this-family-let-me-tell-you-about-my-travels-even-if-you-don't-care-about-it. And how presumptuous of you to claim you knew Pen. Even I didn't know her! And let us not forget the true cause of her death: your words. You, Colin Bridgerton, are the last person in the world I would choose to share my grief with!'"

Colin winced at her words, Eloise knew so very well, how she could wound him best. "I understand," he murmured, his voice barely audible over the rustle of leaves in the breeze. "I know I have hurt her, and I am deeply sorry, Eloise. More than words can express. More than you can ever know."

But Eloise's anger remained unyielding, her resentment smoldering beneath a façade of composure. She turned away from him, her silence a stark reminder of the chasm that lay between them.

Colin stood there, his chest heaving with the effort of breathing, his body trembling with the strain of holding himself together. He felt as though he were unraveling, his composure slipping through his fingers like grains of sand. Eloise had twisted the knife once more, hitting the fingers with which he held onto the last remnants of hope.
After a few minutes of heavy silence in which he wondered, if he should go or stay, Eloise spoke again, her voice soft and strained. "Colin," she began, her words hesitant. "I... I had a fight with Penelope the night before... before she..." She trailed off, unable to bring herself to finish the sentence.
Colin's brow furrowed with confusion and apprehension, his mind racing as he struggled to process her words. "What did you say?" he asked. When he didn't receive a reply, he inquired again: "What do you mean, you had a fight? What about?"

But Eloise shook her head, her expression one of anguish. "It doesn't matter," she said, her voice choked with emotion. "What matters is that I let her leave without making things right. And now... now she's gone."
Colin stood there, unable to find the words to comfort his sister. Anger stirred within him. She had just now been so very cruel to him and had implied that his careless words alone drove Penelope to make such a tragic decision. And now she was divulging that she might carry some of the blame herself?
He knew she was grappling with her own guilt, her own remorse, but he couldn't bring himself to absolve her of her malice. How could Eloise have accused him so, let him believe that his denial of Penelope were the sole reason?

AN: I want to emphasize that no one should ever feel responsible for another person's decision to take their own life. Suicide is a complex and deeply personal issue, often influenced by a multitude of factors, including but not limited to severe depression, interpretation of comments (that might have been meant very differently), traumatic experiences and incomprehensible events. It's crucial to understand that even if someone has said or done something that they regret, they are not to blame for another person's choice to end their life. If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek help and support from qualified professionals. You are not alone, and it is not your fault!