KATNISS POV

"Katniss!" I heard Gale's voice yelling my name. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I replied shortly. I was still in shock with everything that had happened today.

"I can't believe that crazy lunatic caused so much chaos in just a few minutes."

"Well, I doubt she's causing any 'chaos' now and stop calling her crazy, will you?"

"Since when are you on her side?" he asked, confused and outraged.

"I'm not on her side but she's not my enemy either, Gale"

"no, she's just your enemy's friend," he scoffed.

"You don't know what you're talking about," I replied irritated.

"I do. I'm talking about the girl who almost killed you twice" he replied angrily.

"only because she was under Snow's orders" he looked me straight in the eyes in disbelief. I understood why Gale hated her, she was a constant reminder of everything we hated about the capitol, I found her obnoxious myself, but I had to be fair, she was just another victim of the capitol. Although I disliked the idea of being a tattletale, I told Gale everything that had happened at the hospital and Varia's story about Leila.

"and despite everything those monsters did to her, she continues to defend them and keep their secrets."

"we don't know her reasons, Gale"

"I see it clearly, she's a coward" I pressed my lips to keep from blurting out an insult to Gale, I didn't want to get mad at him, but it was hard to make him understand what it was like to be under Snow's clutches.

"Whatever. This has been a long day, I think I better go to sleep" he nodded and softened his gaze.

"I'm relieved you're okay, Catnip" he gently ran his hand down my cheek and planted a kiss on my lips. I excused myself saying I was tired to pull away from him.

Without a word more I went straight to my compartment. When I got to the room I found myself alone, mom was still in the hospital and Prim was probably accompanying her. I took advantage of this moment and took out of the drawer the pearl that Peeta had given me that day on the beach. The boy with the bread, so sweet, loving and generous was no longer there, he had ceased to exist, he had been replaced by someone who at times scared me.

I passed the pearl through my lips remembering Peeta's trembling body over mine. His hands tightly imprisoned my wrists as, with his head buried in my neck, he battled with himself on whether or not to kill me.

"Are you okay, Katniss?" I jumped in shock at the sound of Prim's voice.

"yeah yeah" I said hastily putting the pearl away.

"You were thinking about Peeta, weren't you?"

"Never mind, Prim." I turned my back on her, rummaging in the closet for a pyjama.

"He's made enormous progress, today you've seen the proof of it."

"You mean when he tried to kill me the second time?" I replied.

"Kill you? He was protecting you" I turned away angrily.

"he lunged at me to kill me, he even repeated it I don't know how many times in my ear before his guards pulled him off me!" Prim stood silently looking at me confused.

"Don't be mad, Katniss. It just seemed like something else to me."

"Like what?"

"Well, from what I saw, before Leila attacked, his gaze was on her and as if anticipating what was going to happen, the moment she threw the knife he lunged at you protectively. If he wanted you dead why wouldn't he have taken that opportunity to finish you off?" I kept silent trying to understand what Prim was telling me "look, maybe he wasn't doing it consciously, but I'm sure deep down there's the old Peeta fighting with himself to come back" I wanted to believe Prim's words but it was impossible. Snow had made sure to show Peeta my true colors, he would never come back to me.

"Whatever Peeta felt for me is already dead and there's no going back, Prim." She didn't insist on talking about it anymore.

The next few days my mood only got worse. As soon as I heard about the surprise attack in the different districts, I wanted to go with the communications team, I wanted to be with the people, I wanted to somehow strike back at Snow. However, Coin did not consider my presence necessary on this occasion. It didn't take me long to understand that Haymitch had to be behind this strategy, I couldn't find any other explanation for his disappearance and his absence in command. Coward! He was not even able to face me.

More days passed and the confinement and inactivity were killing me. The only moments I found somehow liberating was going out hunting with Finnick. Today was one of those days, but even though it relieved some of my stress I couldn't get the image of Leila and Peeta together out of my head. He even looked happy with her, even that traitor of Haymitch admitted that the two of them made a good couple. He was right, I didn't deserve Peeta.

"Did you get lucky, Everdeen?" the voice of Finnick made me jump in my place.

"no" I replied dryly "I think we better get back, I don't think we're going to get lucky today."

he nodded, scrutinizing me with his eyes "are you okay?" I nodded without another word and started my way back to 13.

"Here are the hunters!" we were mockingly greeted by Johanna "I guess because of the empty hands, I can't expect a big feast anytime soon"

"Maybe tomorrow" replied Finnick optimistically.

"whatever. Apparently today is the day of good news for almost everyone. Odair, your lovey was looking for you, from what I hear the marriage plans are resuming" Finnick's big smile was not long in coming and without saying goodbye he ran off down the hallway.

"Is there any more good news?"

"Leila has been released from the hospital" Johanna said bitterly. I didn't understand why she was upset, they were very good friends.

"I guess you'll be her roommate?"

"No. The shrink doesn't think it's convenient for two 'unstable' patients to share the same space alone. So for the time being, I'll have to stay in my comfortable hospital room" If Johanna wasn't going to stay with Leila, then who would be her roommate?

"Then who would she stay with?"

"With someone 'responsible' according to the doctor" she said laughing sarcastically.

"I don't get it. You seem in better condition than she is, why won't he let you out of the hospital?" She averted my gaze and shrugged her shoulders. Just then it dawned on me; Johanna was still dependent on morphling. A feeling of guilt and remorse shot through my chest. She had been in the hospital for maybe two or three months? "we can take a room together if you want?" I wasn't sure if it was a good idea but it was at least worth a try.

"You're going to leave your mother and sister alone?" she teased.

"The room is too small for us. They'd appreciate more space" I said with a shrug.

"Well, if you insist," she replied carelessly, and a ghost of a smile passed fleetingly across her lips.

After days of insisting, negotiating and even Haymitch's intervention and threats, Johanna and I were allowed to share a room. It was strange to share so many hours of the day with someone who insulted me most of the time. I knew from experience that this was part of Johanna's personality, so I tried not to take anything personally.

"Brainless! Stop making so much noise, I'm trying to sleep," said Johanna, irritated. I couldn't help it. I tossed and turned in bed trying to get Leila and Peeta out of my mind. As much as I pretended it didn't bother me, the truth was that it did.

"Sorry. I'm not very sleepy, so much inactivity this last little while just manages to keep me awake."

"Well at least you know it's temporary."

"What do you mean?"

"That in a few weeks the assault on the Capitol is going to take place, and I'm sure they're going to need you for their propos."

"You could come along, couldn't you? Just like Finnick, they need us."

"I already asked, and they won't allow it unless I train myself and for that I need the shrink's approval" I pondered for a moment, I didn't know about the assault on the Capitol and much less about the training. My intuition told me that to participate in this new mission I was going to need something more than being the Mockingjay.

"I'll talk to Haymitch, maybe he can help with something" I wasn't sure I could count on his support, this last time he seemed to be more on Peeta's side than mine. We stood in silence and the doubt that haunted my mind wanted to come out, but I didn't want to sound pathetic in front of Johanna "lately he's been in a good mood" I kept silent waiting for an answer "I guess, he must be happy that Peeta and Leila are together, you know like in a relationship" I finally said holding my breath.

"Leila and Peeta?" i heard the confusion in her voice and then a chuckle "you really are brainless, there's nothing going on between them" she paused and let out a giggle "i bet that's what keeps you awake. You're jealous!"

"Of course not! I don't care what he does with his life, I was just rambling" I rolled over in my bed with my back to her. I felt my face burn with embarrassment. What an idiot I am! "Answer me something, Katniss" she said in a more serious tone although still with a hint of amusement.

"What's that?" I turned back in her direction.

"Peeta gets off on being treated like a baby?"

"no! oh I don't know" I felt the heat rising in my face "but what are you saying?"

"That, that's exactly how Leila treats him, like a baby and unless he's just as brainless as you are to not to notice, I highly doubt that would turn him on about a girl."

"maybe it's you who doesn't realize that..."

"That Leila replaces the family she lost to Peeta, which is sad, but that's just the way it is. Well though it's not just that if you want to go deeper into their relationship" she said teasingly

"What do you mean?"

"that they both see as each other's reflection" she stayed silent for a moment "have you ever felt any kind of resentment, even if tiny, against your sister?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, if you hadn't sacrificed yourself for her, you would never have had to live through the hunger games and all the consequences that came with it. Maybe right now you would be in your district, without a sister, sure, but living your normal life" I thought about it for a moment and the thought was heartbreaking, Prim had to live, I didn't hold it against her, her living any sacrifice was worth it.

"no, none. I wouldn't change a thing."

"That's why neither you nor I can fully understand those two."

"I don't understand"

"that the capitol did something more horrible than torturing them. It turned them against the people they love the most. Maybe your response wouldn't be the same after years of being sold to depraved people by Snow, or tortured for weeks on end in the name of the girl you love"

"Leila has reason to hate her father..."

"I don't mean him" I considered her response.

"She wouldn't have hurt her sister."

" I'm not so sure about that and she knows it too" Johanna let out a tired sigh " Peeta and her have a lot of things in common, they both come from not very 'loving' families and even despite that they have tried to be good and kind to everyone, and if that wasn't enough, they understand each other very well because they both know how dangerous they are to the people around them"

"how do you know all that? I mean about Peeta's family?"

"because in the capitol they used that information also to torture Peeta. They broke him completely before hijacking him" Johanna angrily scoffed. It wasn't the first time I asked her about Peeta's torture, but I was getting more and more terrified to know what he went through. " Anyway brainless, you don't have to worry about Leila stealing your lover boy, her eyes are already set on someone else, close to you, you'd be surprised to know who it is" on someone close to me? I thought of all the possibilities and each one seemed more ridiculous than the last.

"Gale? or Finnick?" I tried to guess.

"nope."

"One of Peeta's guards?"

"not even close you are" she said, having fun with this game.

"Her guard?"

"wrong"

"I give up"

After a pause that felt like forever she finally decided to answer "Haymitch!" then she let out an uncontrollable laugh. I don't know why I had bothered to play along, it was obvious that Johanna was lying to cover for her friend. If she had told me any name in the district I would have believed her, but Haymitch? It was the most absurd and impossible answer. After this exchange, I turned over in my bed and forced myself to sleep for even a couple of hours.

The next day I set out to talk to Haymitch about the possibility of Johanna accompanying us to the capitol and great was my surprise when I was informed that I was not included in this latest mission. Apparently the training rule applied not only to Johanna but also to me. Between discussions and agreements, the psychiatrist authorized us to start the training as long as Johanna started a medical detox and my doctor gave the go-ahead. I was still recovering from my ruptured spleen.

The night before our first day of training I was overwhelmed with excitement, Johanna kept talking about it and even more excitedly in anticipation of being the one to put an end to Snow.

"I will see to it that his death is as slow and painful as possible".

"First we have to pass all the tests and we only have a month to do that" she rolled her eyes at me and before she could answer me a few knocks on the door distracted us. Johanna immediately opened the door and stood there for several minutes whispering with someone. Moments later Johanna was letting Leila into the room.

"She will be staying with us tonight."

"If it doesn't bother you" Leila clarified politely. I shook my head, unable to get out of my stupor.

"I thought you were assigned a room" I said, controlling my tone so as not to sound aggressive.

"Her 'roommate' has work tonight and she is not allowed to stay alone" Johanna clarified for Leila.

"Well, welcome" I said awkwardly

"Stop that scary face, brainless. She will sleep with me and if she decides it's a good night to kill, Leila promises to do it quickly and painlessly, right Leila?" This one answered her letting out a laugh and shaking her head. I couldn't help but get the creeps, I doubted that tonight I would be able to sleep a little bit with her here. And so it was, as soon as I managed to fall asleep I woke up startled and looking in Johanna's direction. They both seemed to sleep without problems.

Early in the morning I was awakened by the noise coming from the bathroom. I tried to sharpen my ear to listen to the whispered conversation between Johanna and Leila.

"I know you think I'm a coward."

"I don't think that. You have your reasons and I respect that but I have to at least try."

"I know. Come on let me help you with that"

"It's not necessary, I've already told you!"

"stop being so stubborn, Johanna. I told you I don't mind helping you if I can."

They were silent and I decided to start getting ready for today's training. After 20 more minutes Johanna and Leila came out of the bathroom.

"I proposed to Leila to come with us. We'll quickly stop by the shrink's office to get her okay. I'll see you in the training room."

"Okay" I doubted Aurelius would give his consent but to my great surprise Leila had been accepted, as a 'guest' as she clarified. Of course she was not aiming to return to the capitol.

Soldier York saw to it that our training was as intensive as possible, in a month we had to pass the exam and we couldn't waste time with a softer training. In the first hours of training we were accompanied by the group of 14 year old trainees; it was embarrassing to admit that they were in better physical condition than the two of us. More humiliating was how Leila seemed to be having fun, along with soldier Woodstock, with all of this. She had no problem keeping up with the others, in fact, I was sure that all the physical training was effortless for her; on numerous occasions I saw her playfully competing with Chase. To my delight I wasn't the only one irritated, Johanna was throwing darts at Leila with her eyes, and muttering under her breath insults towards the two of them.

By the time it was time for lunch we separated, Johanna and I went straight to the dining room and Leila, followed by Chase, went to her room. When we got to the table Haymitch, Finnick and Annie, were already eating lunch. I sat down as usual next to Haymitch and for a change, Johanna sat next to me.

"so, how's the first day going?" asked Finnick, giggling.

"If you already know why you ask, idiot," replied Johana.

"That means it's going as bad as they look," said Haymitch. I gave him a dirty look, which made him chuckle.

"Relax girls, it's just at the beginning, you'll get better with time".

"Time is what we don't have, if we want to be part of the squad" I replied irritated. I knew Finnick was right, we had just started training a few hours ago but I felt sore up to my hair, even eating made me nauseous, and feeling weak only made me angrier. And as if I didn't have enough reasons to be furious, here came Leila with Peeta laughing happily.

As soon as his gaze met mine, the usual hatred reappeared on his features, I immediately felt my body tense up. The two of them took their usual places and Chase took Johanna's place next to Leila.

It took everything from me not to get up from the table and leave. It was unbearable to see Leila's constant snuggles towards Peeta, how she held his hand, ran one of her hands through his hair, whispered to him and giggled, although Peeta didn't reciprocate, he didn't seem uncomfortable either, on the contrary.

"Fuck, I can't take it anymore! How the hell do you do it?" an angry Johanna shouted to Leila. We were all startled by her outburst.

"Johanna!" reprimanded Haymitch. Great! Even he was on her side too.

"What thing?" asked Leila calmly with amusement dancing in her eyes.

"A few weeks ago you were dying! and this morning you were doing everything with ease..." she let out a growl "and now you're here like it's nothing" we stood with our mouths open.

"easy! I do more and complain less" Leila winked at her laughing. Chase next to her burst out laughing, followed by Finnick and Haymitch.

"bitch" Johanna snapped back at her. Leila just smirked and turned her attention back to Peeta. "You received special training, you could train Katniss and I on our time off."

Leila's body tensed but she continued talking to Peeta ignoring Johanna.

"I can train you, sugar," Chase interjected, winking at her. "I'll be as demanding as you want me to be."

"No. Leila can do it, even you admitted it once that she knew more things than you" Johanna replied to him.

"Johanna, I'm warning you," Haymitch said angrily.

"I don't see the problem. Leila knows what they do and how they think, every move she knows, we would have advantage with the peacekeepers..."

"Why can't you let it go, Johanna!" replied Leila angrily. We jumped in place at her tone.

Johanna slammed the table and yelled at her" because it would be letting go of the vile way they killed my parents, siblings, my unborn nephew and his mother!"

"Jo" finnick ran a hand down her back to calm her down but Johanna shook it off right away.

"for almost 10 years that fucker sent twelve year old kids from my district to the games, none of them had a chance! for that and much more I can't let it go!" there was an icy silence at the table, both women held each other's gaze for a few minutes.

"I don't know what you expect from me, Johanna. You have more faith in me than I deserve" Leila lowered her gaze.

" Try it and if it doesn't work it's okay" Leila nodded quietly.

"I guess if you find an available place to train, we can give it a try."

"Katniss has connections with command, she'll take care of it" In all this time I had been so absorbed in what was going on, that I didn't realize that the extra training also included me. Not wanting to generate more friction, I reluctantly agreed.

The rest of lunch passed in a strange 'calm'. After the discussion Leila soon excused herself and left the table and only a few minutes later Peeta and Haymitch followed her.

It didn't take much effort to get an available training room, as soon as the idea reached Plutarch's ears, his eyes sparkled in wonderment at such an event. I didn't need to listen to him to know that in his head he was thinking up new ideas for a propo in which Leila would finally take part. I immediately went to let Leila know the time and place.

Johanna had told me that in the afternoon Leila would surely be in the kitchens, as soon as I entered I was paralyzed before the scene in front of me. Leila was hugging Peeta tightly while he was whispering something in her ear. As soon as he noticed my presence he looked at me with confusion without separating from her. Stumbling over I gave her the information she was waiting for and without waiting for a response I ran out of the kitchen.

So she saw Peeta as just a friend? Bullshit!