AN: Here we are, another piece to this one. There's a little time jump, but it's explained in the chapter, so I hope it's not confusing.
I hope you enjoy! Please don't forget to let me know what you think!
111
For a little over a month, Jean-Luc found himself in what was personally unexplored territory. Never, in his life, had Jean-Luc attempted to co-exist in both a professional life, as he was now, and a personal life, quite like the one he was attempting to maintain with Beverly. It was overwhelming, exhilarating, exciting, and terrifying, all at the same time.
And Jean-Luc felt entirely over his head at least six times a day, though he attempted to keep most people from knowing that, and he never admitted that it was really very seldom the Enterprise and her missions and operations that ever made him feel that way.
Around all of his other responsibilities, Jean-Luc usually attempted to spend at least one portion of each day with Beverly. If he couldn't have breakfast with her, then he might suggest a walk around the holodeck when he needed a break. They might share lunch of dinner. He may suggest some other sort of pastime—trying to go between things that he enjoyed and things she wanted to try—for an evening together. Some nights, he came to her bed; some nights she came to his. Other nights, Jean-Luc found that he felt her absence in a way that was unsettling, at best.
For Jean-Luc, it felt like two parts of him were battling at all times, even if the fight they fought was somewhat latent and pushed down well below the surface.
His heart, because he felt sure of the organ's participation in the fight, wanted something that he'd long accepted would never be his—something that it could believe, now, was within his grasp. It wanted, desperately, a relationship with Beverly. It wanted the epic, unending romance of his wildest imagination. It wanted the feeling of never being without her.
The other part of him, which must be some facet of his brain and, perhaps, was intimately related to his dedication to duty alone, insisted that he keep his distance, at least to some degree. That part of him argued that his responsibilities meant that he had to maintain a certain amount of independence and aloofness—which was as much for Beverly's good as it was for his. In many ways, Jean-Luc's heart found that particular part of himself self-sabotaging because it was often the part that would have him cancelling plans and missing entire days of Beverly's company with the explanation of too much work or too many expectations.
For several days, Jean-Luc had allowed the self-sabotaging part of himself to take control. He had come up with one reason or another to avoid Beverly—not a single one of those reasons did his own heart believe—and he had barely laid eyes on her during that span of time.
The evening before, in Ten Forward, Guinan had actually scolded him, asking him point-blank why it was that he was there, evidently giving off the energy of moping in his Saurian Ale, rather than with Beverly. He had had no good answer beyond a half-hearted and canned response about work, further proof that he was at war with himself and, at times, losing.
His intention had been to ask Beverly if she was available for breakfast, but he'd been contacted early—roused out of sleep in his bed where she hadn't been, possibly for lack of invitation—for a new diplomatic mission involving the Bendalites. Breakfast had to take an immediate proverbial backseat as he'd headed to his ready room, bright and early, to start preparing for the mission—and every moment since then, he'd regretted the past four or five days, since he'd lost count of exactly how many, during which he'd created reasons not to spend time with Beverly.
"Come in," Jean-Luc said. For a brief moment, he hoped his irritation didn't come through in his tone. It was nobody's fault but his own that he hadn't seen Beverly in days, and she'd respected his "incredibly busy" schedule by giving him the space and the time to accomplish everything he could possibly think of to do while he was self-sabotaging.
"Captain," Will said, coming in the door.
"Number One," Jean-Luc said as a greeting. He thought of saying more, but found himself either too tired or too annoyed to come up with more. If Will was put off by it, he made no indication.
"The Bendalite mission…" Will said. In his hand, he held the PADD with the information that Jean-Luc had given him. Jean-Luc had also requested that Deanna Troi do her research on the Bendalites, since he trusted her to be able to give him the best information, at short notice, about how to impress and, more importantly, to keep from offending the aliens that, for the most part, were unfamiliar to Jean-Luc.
"As potential allies looking to join the Federation, with a large and constant supply of dilithium crystals, the Federation is very interested in seeing the Bendalite delegation arrive happy and open to discussions," Jean-Luc said. "They want them to join the Federation, and my understanding is that it's our job to make sure that, upon arrival, they want to joint the Federation."
"That's what I gathered from the briefing," Will said. "Our job is to make them happy."
"Essentially," Jean-Luc said, "though they aren't using quite those words, of course."
The sound of Jean-Luc's door commanding his attention stopped their exchange.
"Enter," Jean-Luc said, again swallowing back the ongoing buzz of frustration that he felt over nearly everything.
Deanna Troi walked in, and Jean-Luc caught the quick exchange that took place between she and Will. It was nothing more than a flash of a smile and something in their eyes, but it was there. The brief moment they shared was enough to make Jean-Luc's stomach ache slightly at what he was feeling like his own stubborn self had costed him over the past few days.
"Counselor Troi," Jean-Luc said in greeting.
"Captain," Deanna returned.
"Number One and I were just discussing the Bendalite delegation," Jean-Luc said. "I've received further information that they have agreed to allow the Bendalites a little special treatment aboard the Enterprise."
"Special treatment in what way?" Will asked.
"One of their scientists—something along the lines of what we might consider a doctor who also practices anthropological studies—will be joining us. When we leave the delegation for negotiations, the scientist will remain aboard the Enterprise until our return trip to transfer the Bendalite delegation to their home planet."
Will smiled at him. It was the kind of smile that Jean-Luc permitted only because Will Riker, in addition to being his First Officer, was also a friend. Will cleared his throat.
"So—that means that this scientist will be working primarily with…"
"Counselor Troi, for psychological research, and the medical team for other medical research," Jean-Luc said. "Counselor Troi, I'll expect you to help arrange things so that we are able to fulfill the promises made to the Bendalite representatives that they may enjoy some of our knowledge, specifically, about the species with which we commonly have contact. I'll be transferring the orders and the parameters of the information they're allowed to access to both you and Doctor Crusher."
"We'll be happy to work with them," Deanna assured him.
"Has Doctor Crusher been briefed on this new…shadow?" Will asked.
"Not yet," Jean-Luc said, purposefully ignoring Will's expression. "I haven't had time to discuss the particulars with Doctor Crusher. I have only just received the information this morning, and I've had very little time to work out the particulars of this primarily diplomatic mission."
"Captain…" Deanna said. She let it hang, but Jean-Luc knew that it was a request for permission to tell him everything that she'd found out about the Bendalites.
"Go ahead, Counselor," Jean-Luc said. "I trust that you have additional information about how we might make our guests particularly comfortable and agreeable to joining the Federation?"
Deanna nodded. She sat forward and placed a PADD on his desk.
"Not much, but I'll share what I've found. The Bendalites are a peaceful race," Deanna said. "They are semi-telepathic."
"Meaning?"
"From what I can tell, I don't think they are fully telepathic. However, their abilities extend beyond merely empathic communication. They have both a spoken language, and a telepathic language, much like the Betazoids. Until now, they have had limited contact with outside races, preferring to keep to themselves to avoid conflict. For that reason, studies on their species are really quite limited. We can assume that their telepathic abilities extend to members of their own species and, in a more limited capacity, perhaps, to individuals outside of the Bendalite race."
"A primarily telepathic delegation raises the level of difficulty substantially," Will mused.
"Everyone will need to be briefed. They'll have to mind their ps and qs," Jean-Luc said, laughing to himself and allowing himself a moment to lament a diplomatic mission—one in which the Federation was very interested—that involved telepathic beings. "Counselor—have you found any customs or taboos about which we should be made aware?"
Deanna half-shrugged and half-shook her head. She had, it seemed, come up with as much information as Jean-Luc had in his own search, conducted very early that morning when he'd first received the orders.
"I'm sorry, Captain," Deanna said. "The Bendalites have been a very private race until now. The information we have is very limited. They are a social race, among members of their own species, at least, and they prefer peace and tranquility whenever possible."
"Enough so that they've practically shut themselves off to outside communication and interference," Will interjected. Deanna nodded at him.
"Some good news is that having their scientists aboard to study our knowledge will also open the door for us to learn more about the Bendalite culture in a diplomatic exchange of information," Deanna said.
"At least there is mutual benefit," Jean-Luc said. "Do we know anything else, Counselor? Because—I have to admit that my own searches of our databases have come up quite empty."
"The only other thing I found was located in some psychological studies that were very limited in scope, Captain, and therefore lacked a great deal of information," Deanna said. Jean-Luc needed only to slightly nod his head to let her know that he wished for her to continue. "Well—for the Bendalite culture, certain aspects of their society are deemed so important that…for at least a brief period of time…their people are revered while contributing to those aspects. In particular, there seem to be very particular rituals and practices surrounding motherhood, Captain, and the proliferation of the species. It was suggested that, for some reason, there was a drop in the Bendalite population for a period. Following that, the society may have created this sort of reverence of females contributing to the growth of the Bendalite race."
Will laughed. He made no effort to contain or conceal his amusement.
"In which case, Doctor Crusher will be an excellent person to help the Bendalite scientist study the species of the Federation," Will mused.
Jean-Luc narrowed his eyes at Will, but Will didn't bother to wipe his amusement from his face.
"Yes…well…thank you, Counselor Troi," Jean-Luc said.
"I found it interesting, and I thought you should know," Deanna said, some apology to her tone. "Just in case the Bendalite scientist should find particular interest in Doctor Crusher's pregnancy. Of course, the studies that I found lack a great deal of information. The practices mentioned there may be archaic, and they may have been abandoned altogether. Still, I thought that it may be best if she is prepared, ahead of time, for the possibility."
"Thank you, Counselor," Jean-Luc said. "I think that you are correct that the advanced warning will be appreciated. It's better to anticipate a particular interest than to be surprised by it."
"Crusher to Picard."
When the communication request came through, Jean-Luc didn't miss the quick eye exchange between his First Officer and his Ship's Counselor.
By now, the entire ship knew about the relationship between Jean-Luc and Beverly. At the very least, the entire ship knew that there had been enough of a relationship to create the little one that Beverly was currently carrying, and most of them recognized that there was something more, but Jean-Luc was sure that there was a great deal of debate and curiosity about what else there was or would be between he and Beverly.
If he were honest, he often shared the same concerns and curiosity that he imagined everyone else did, and he recognized that he was, very likely, the main cause for that curiosity and question in the somewhat budding relationship.
He touched his combadge.
"Go head, Doctor," he said.
"Captain—is this a bad time?"
"Is there a problem, Doctor?" Jean-Luc asked.
"No problem. Not exactly. No emergency, Captain. I was only hoping that—you might find time to meet with me, at some point, when you're not too busy. I could come to your ready room."
There was another exchange of glances across the desk from him.
"Is there some urgency?" Jean-Luc asked.
"No urgency, Captain," Beverly said. Her use of his title let him know that she was sincere, but also that she recognized the professional distance between them at the moment. "I simply hoped to speak with you, when you have a moment."
"I need to speak with you, too," Jean-Luc said. "Regarding our new mission," he added quickly, annoyingly aware of another glance. Will and Deanna were capable of communicating, as Imzadi, at least partially in a telepathic manner. He could never be certain when they were doing so, but he felt like he could practically hear them right now. "I'll come to your office as soon as possible, Doctor. Picard out."
Jean-Luc stared at Will and Deanna both. Neither concealed their amusement entirely.
"If you have nothing else…" Jean-Luc said, leaving a moment for either to interject something, if they had more to add. "In which case, we're on schedule to rendezvous with the Bendalite delegation in four hours. Please start preparing the rest of the crew for their visit. We want to make them feel as welcome as is possible."
They both stood.
"Captain," Deanna said, "if I may speak on a personal matter…"
"Go ahead, Counselor," Jean-Luc said.
"You may choose to take my advice or not. I offer it as a friend, and not as the Ship's Counselor," Jean-Luc nodded his head. "It's been—a few days since you spoke to Doctor Crusher outside of ship's business."
Jean-Luc felt a prickle of irritation. Beverly had clearly talked to Deanna—of course, she had—and it must have been in a way that Deanna didn't feel that she was violating Doctor-Patient Confidentiality by now speaking to him.
"I have been quite busy," Jean-Luc said, not sure why he felt the need to defend himself, except for the fact that he was feeling rather sorry for his actions and a bit guilty.
"Whatever the case, Captain," Deanna said, "I would recommend that, when you meet with Doctor Crusher, you address whatever her concerns are before you begin talking about the mission."
Jean-Luc laughed to himself.
"You are suggesting, Counselor Troi, that I tend to my personal relationship before I concern myself too much with the professional."
"That's precisely it," Deanna said.
"Thank you, Counselor," Jean-Luc said. "I believe I will take that advice."
"If you're open to a bit more," Will offered, "then—I would suggest taking a peace offering. Just in case."
"Are you suggesting some form of bribery?" Deanna asked. Jean-Luc recognized the challenge was meant for Will and not for him. "That—women can be bought with material items, Will?"
"Bought, no, but they can smooth things over. Not you," Will said, smirking. "Never you. I'm only suggesting this for Doctor Crusher."
Jean-Luc had never been more certain that, whether or not Will received it, Deanna had done her best to communicate something to him.
"Thank you both for your recommendations," Jean-Luc said. "I shall take them into consideration. In the meantime, I hope I can trust you to help prepare for our guests."
They both agreed to get to work, and Jean-Luc showed them out of his ready room, taking a moment to decide what he might take with him to Beverly's office as a physical show of the guilt and apology that he didn't have to put on in any way, since it was quite sincere and, he was certain, would be obvious once he was in her presence.