The Messy Science of Attraction and Repulsion
22. Empty Spaces/Missing Pieces
Nanami was surprised (or perhaps not) to discover that Megumi was currently occupying Gojo's rented four bedroom house all by himself.
But what was even more surprising was the fact that Megumi seemed to prefer it this way—because, according to him, Gojo just left messes everywhere that Megumi would then have to clean up. It became apparent to Nanami very early on that Megumi had just been completely parentified. His attitude and behavior were more like a jaded and surly thirty year old than a middle schooler. And Nanami, of course, blamed the entirety of this situation on Gojo and his absentee parenting. Literally absentee, because he had recently decamped from the house to live on campus.
"It's okay," Megumi assured him. "He needs to keep an eye on Yuta. I'm fine here anyway."
The two of them were sparring with wooden batons next to an overly ornate fountain in a backyard that was too large and too grand for just a single person. But since Gojo was ridiculously rich, the idea of downsizing his living arrangements was probably something that never even crossed his mind. The sheer wastefulness offended Nanami's strict money management sensibilities. He itched to get his hands on Gojo's books so he could just go full red pen on all the flagrant and unnecessary expenditures he was sure were in there. Nanami had to mentally restrain himself from interrogating the kid over household finances, because he was absolutely certain that Megumi had a better grasp of what it actually took to run the place than his oblivious and perpetually absent benefactor. He could just picture Gojo insouciantly shrugging off any money questions, a mental image that instantly caused Nanami's frown lines to twitch reflexively with stress.
Megumi's two black and white demon dogs were happily snapping after some fly heads that were buzzing around the grounds while they trained. Nanami was surprised to learn that Megumi was a rather adept physical fighter for his age. When he asked him about it, Megumi admitted that it was at Gojo's insistence, because it was a known fact that most shikigami users were usually weak in close combat. "He does NOT go easy on me either," Megumi confided morosely. He also intimated that he'd been given more kicks and sucker punches than strictly necessary, and he felt that this was done more in retaliation for his cheeky back talk rather than actual training.
So far Nanami hadn't experienced this alleged back talk or any of the like. The kid seemed perfectly amenable when it came to following his instructions and he even stopped at one point to offer his thanks for having bailed him out of his possible expulsion from school. Thanks to Nanami it had been busted down to a one week suspension plus a week of detention. Since the kid was being so nice about it, Nanami was prompted to ask, "So why did you beat up those three guys anyway?"
Megumi frowned. "Oh, they'd been tormenting some of the younger kids in the chess club. They threw their board and all the pieces out of a three story window. Then they hung the president of the club out of the same window. When I saw it happening, I just got mad." The frown turned into an outright scowl.
"I don't like bullies," he finished.
Huh, thought Nanami. The sorcerer killer's kid apparently had an underdog complex. Unexpected but not unwelcome.
They took a short break to sit by the fountain and grab some water. The two dogs bounded up to their master, and Megumi happily scratched their heads, a small smile finally breaking through his dower countenance. Since the dogs seemed to be the one thing to tease a smile out of him, Nanami made a point to ask him about them as well as all the other shikigami he had managed to tame.
"I've only been able to tame four so far," Megumi admitted. "I wanted to add one more before starting school next semester, but that seems highly unlikely."
"Why not?"
Megumi narrowed his eyes critically. "Well, he would say it's because of a mental block on my part."
"He as in Gojo, I assume?"
"Yes. He says my attitude is the problem."
"How so?"
"He says it's a lack of ego. That I'm not selfish enough."
Nanami scoffed disparagingly. Of course Gojo would say something like that, the man was the walking textbook definition of ego and selfish.
"Why did you make that noise just now?" asked Megumi. "Do you disagree?"
"I agree that the person who said it is indeed selfish with a huge ego," Nanami declared before he could stop himself.
That made the kid crack another smile. "If you feel that way, then why are you dating him—"
"—I am one hundred percent not dating him. That was some bullshit he made up for your parent/teacher conference."
"Oh." said Megumi. Nanami was surprised to hear disappointment in his voice. "That's too bad, because it's been kind of nice having an actual adult around here," he added solemnly.
Nanami felt a hint of red creeping up his neck. His voice sounded strained as he said, diplomatically, "I kind of have some of my own baggage when it comes to your benefactor, so I wouldn't get any hopes up there."
Now it was Megumi's turn to scoff. "If you have baggage, then that guy has a whole clown car filled with luggage. He has a literal, metaphorical, and psychological barrier around him so tight that no one's getting close." Nanami was shocked to hear such a specific psychological profile fall from the mouth of a fourteen year old. Then he remembered what Megumi had said about Gojo in the car, and despite his better judgment, he pried him with a personal question:
"What did you mean in the car when you said he was a commitment phobe?"
"I didn't say that. That doctor lady said that," Megumi clarified. "You know, the professional alcoholic?"
"Why do you keep calling her that?"
"Because when she visits she always has a glass of wine in her hand? Like always?" Megumi frowned. "It's weird because he doesn't drink at all."
"No, he has absolutely zero tolerance for it."
"Huh?"
Nanami blanched. Shit, why did I say that? "Never mind. So what did Shoko say?"
"I guess he had this messed up relationship with a guy who turned into a big time curse user? And he blames himself for it? Something like that." Megumi shrugged. "I thought maybe he was dating that doctor but when I asked her about it she just laughed and said no. Same as you. Guess the guy's undateable."
"Who's undateable?"
Nanami flinched and fumbled the water bottle he was holding and it fell into the fountain with a hardy sploosh! He was shocked to look up and see Gojo, who was still half way in uniform (pants and white button down, sans jacket) and wearing a small pair of octagon shaped frames. The boy Yuta was with him, wearing a white school jacket with a pair of bright high top sneakers. He had the katana from the cursed tool shed slung over his shoulder.
"Megumi-chan, why don't you spar with our Sad Boy number two here? He's been training with Maki, but so far she's been wiping the floor with him. Thought I'd try him with someone younger and a little less advanced."
Nanami frowned. "You know, he's actually pretty good at that. I don't think it'll be a fair fight."
Gojo shrugged. "He's so weak and untested it wouldn't matter anyway. Anyone could wipe the floor with him right now." As the two boys walked across the lawn together, Gojo called out, "And make sure you don't let Rika out!" Under his breath he muttered, "'Cause I'll catch hell if there's a second incident this week." He flopped down on the fountain next to Nanami and started viciously rubbing at his eyes. Nanami forced his hands to stay planted, ignoring the call of his inner magpie.
"You seem like you're a little stressed about something?" Nanami noted.
"I am very stressed about several somethings," Gojo replied, bouncing one leg up and down in an obvious case of the jitters.
"Care to share?"
Silence. Then: "Let's just say I'm a little concerned about Sad Boy number two here being too tempting a target to certain outside individuals."
Nanami regarded the special grade curse that hung over Yuta's head like the world's darkest, deadliest, and most threatening storm cloud. He wasn't a complete fool. "I suppose you're referring to a certain curse user who is very fond of collecting special grade curses."
"It's kind of you to not mention him by name."
Nanami shrugged. "I'm the very soul of discretion. Also, I've been thinking, maybe you should have Shoko test Yuta for anemia. I don't like those dark bags under his eyes. What kind of nutrition are you giving him at school? I hope you're not making him run track and do all this intense training without upping his calories and protein—"
"—I thought you didn't care about Yuta? That you didn't want to deal with him?"
"Maybe I've changed my mind," Nanami said casually. "I've decided if I want to commit to this, then I need to all-the-way commit to it. No doing things halfway." The double meaning in that statement hung in the air, unacknowledged. Then Nanami said, "I can train him, too, if you like. I'll protect him with my life if you ask me—"
"—No! I don't want you or him getting anywhere near Geto Suguru," Gojo stated with finality. "But I will say yes to the training part, because I need him to be ready like yesterday, and so far his improvement has been slower than a fourth grade garden slug curse."
"You actually said his name out loud," Nanami observed. "You know, it's not your fault, what happened back then—"
"—let's not talk about this—"
"—but I think we should talk about it—"
"—don't tell me you don't feel guilt as well. Not after what happened to Yu Haibara. It caused you to run away from sorcery entirely—"
"—I've had to make my own peace with the past. Part of that is returning to a way of life that actually allows me to help people again. And I think Yu would have approved of that. He was, after all, the best of us. The very kindest of souls. While you and I ran around being dreadful, awful people—"
"—you were never awful, Nanamin—"
"—no, I definitely was—"
"—only when you were around me. You said it yourself, or don't you remember? That you hated the person you were when you were with me?"
Nanami cast his eyes to the ground, his hands clutching the edge of the fountain in a sudden death grip. It was rather unfortunate that Gojo still remembered him saying that after almost a decade. It had been a particularly poisonous accusation, one that was uttered in the heat of the moment, and one which Nanami desperately regretted having said. It occurred to him then that Geto Suguru might not have been the only contributing factor in the alleged emotional wall that Gojo had apparently built around himself. Perhaps Nanami had inadvertently fitted a few bricks himself?
"I was a stupid teenager who was angry, and I didn't think before saying that," Nanami said remorsefully, regretfully.
"We were both stupid teenagers who didn't think back then. Except my own stupidity nearly got me killed." Gojo remarked.
A few awkward moments ticked by while they sat silently watching the two boys spar, each of them quietly ruminating over various youthful mistakes. Nanami finally broke the heavy silence by asking, "Have you considered maybe downsizing this house?"
"No, why would I?"
Of course, thought Nanami with an involuntary eye roll. "Do you even know what kind of money you're bleeding out on a place this big—"
"Tch. You're being awfully invasive today. First Yuta's diet, then my finances, too? You've already invaded this house, and nearly invaded my pants. What is this, a siege?"
"First of all," said Nanami, pushing his glasses up his nose and gearing up for a full retort. "As far as me having keys to this house goes, there absolutely should be an adult with access here, seeing as how you don't even pretend to live here anymore. Secondly, I have yet to get into your pants, because somebody here is shitty at time management and was running late for a school meeting. Or at least that's what I'm hoping happened instead of me just getting stupidly honey trapped into being a second step parent to two orphans—"
"—it was supposed to be just a simple honey trap. Honestly! But then I saw you in your shirt sleeves chopping onions without that stupid blazer—which I would advise you to get rid of permanently, by the way, it's doing you no favors, you're waaaaay hotter without it—and I made the impulsive decision to just kind of dump the honey all over the counter top and let you—"
"—Ah-hem!"
Nanami looked up and immediately felt himself flush as he realized that both Yuta and Megumi were standing there looking at them both with their eyebrows raised. Megumi in particular was smirking in a way that clearly said, Why did you tell me you weren't dating him when it's obvious you are? Nanami just shook his head in silent denial while the boy's smirk grew. Finally Yuta said in a small hesitant voice:
"We both thought it'd be nice if we all went out for sushi together? Megumi's starving and there's no food in the house."
This proclamation produced yet another eye roll from Nanami, who made a mental note to set up a regular grocery delivery for Megumi here at the house. He really needed to get a closer look at Gojo's books and made a second mental note to ask for possible access at a later time when the kids weren't around. Gojo had accused Nanami earlier of being too invasive, but he just saw what he was doing as good business. He was being a thorough consultant, giving his client top value for his money. Or at least that's what Nanami told himself. This was not, as Gojo implied, some sort of siege.
It was definitely NOT a siege…
DEFINITELY not, Nanami told himself…
And Nanami definitely wasn't inserting himself into every nook and cranny of Gojo Satoru's life, with the goal of making himself completely indispensable to him. Or better still: irreplaceable. Because that would mean that Nanami was consciously conducting a low key war of attrition here. That he now knew exactly what that elusive something was that he wanted out of life, and he was stealthily and carefully plotting his way towards attaining it. And that kind of plotting was certainly not what was happening here. Nope, absolutely not...
As Gojo relented and offered to take both Nanami and the boys out for sushi, Nanami was pleased to note the loosening of yet another minuscule brick in the emotional wall around Gojo. A wall that he was ready and willing to scale, to see fall, to patiently chip his way through. He was more than ready to do this for both their sakes, because goddamit it, ten years was long enough, and fuck it, it turns out he didn't want to live a sad salary man's shallow, miserly life after all—
—which meant it was time for Nanami to step up and really start putting that thick emotional wall of Gojo's under a serious not-a-siege…
To be continued…