this whole story is a satire on our stupid writing process please enjoy

Ben breathed heavily- in hindsight, it had been a stupid idea to charge up against the strongest of Sombra Aproximada after running a gauntlet of the other members.

Vilgax just glared down at him from his throne, hidden in the shadows. "So. You've arrived."

"You know what you did, Vilgax," Ben snarled, his hands gripping the pommel of his zanpakuto.

Kylie paused her typing to think. Was pommel the word used for the holding part of the weapon? she thought, before opening a new tab and Googled 'sword pommel'. She got a quick result- 'The pommel end of the sword that the hilt is on. Pommels are normally larger than the hilt and keep the sword from sliding out of the hand, as well as providing a bit of counterweight to the blade.'

Kylie nodded. "So, better change that detail," she muttered, backspacing on her laptop.

"You know what you did, Vilgax," Ben growled, his hands gripped around the hilt of his zanpakuto.

"What? Is this all you're here for?" Vilgax laughed. "You Soul Reapers are all the same. 'I am in a position of authority; therefore, unconditional respect is mandatory.' That's all you idiots drone on about. In my eyes, we are equals- you just think that because we Arrancar evolved from monsters that you can just push us around."

Ben frowned. "That applies to some of us. Not the whole gestalt."

Kylie paused again. "...does Ben even know what gestalt means?" She asked herself. She thought back to a few of their experiences and shook her head. "...Probably not." She said, going back to typing away.

Ben frowned. "That applies to some of us. Not the whole society."

"Let's see how willing you are to die on that cross, child," Vilgax chided him, pulling out his weapon. Ben could tell he wasn't messing around either, if the manic gleam in his eyes meant anything. His hand raked across the blade, wind blowing all around them. Ben braced himself for what was to come.

"Lash," Vilgax's voice rasped, his form changing in a bright flash of light. Ben felt the wind sting his face as Vilgax finished his transformation.

There were some notable differences to Vilgax's form- eight massive, bony tendrils hung from his back. A squid-like skull masked his face, with red eyes glaring through the eye holes, shooting daggers at Ben. Bony armor covered the rest of his body, sans the chest, where Ben could see there were PLENTY of battle scars and burn marks from previous battles...as well as a massive black hole on his chest.

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Resurreccion already? Am I seriously that much of a threat to you?"

"Not at all," Vilgax sneered. "I just wanted to make your death quick and painless." Suddenly, the tendrils behind him started charging up orbs of energy- Cero, and all eight of them looked plenty powerful. Vilgax roared as he fired them off-

"That's SERIOUSLY the best you could come up with for Vilgax's Resurreccion form?"

Kylie gasped as she turned around to see Ruby and Ben standing there. Ruby had been the one to ask the question. "And where am I? I wanna kick Vilgax's face in."

Kylie quickly covered up her screen. "What, this?! I'm just writing a very elaborate shitpost."

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Really now."

Ruby smirked. "I knew you were a fan of the series, but this is kinda cute."

"Hey, I get inspired by events in my life and the people I know," Kylie pouted. "Now shoo. I really need to write this fight scene."

"Alright, alright," Ben said, leading Ruby away. "Come on, let her write."

"I better have a cool ass bankai!" Ruby yelled. Kylie rolled her eyes as she turned back to her laptop.

Vilgax roared as he fired them off- Ben didn't waste any time creating a kido barrier around himself, but that could only hold off a few of them. The 4th Cero broke through the barrier and blasted Ben straight in the chest, sending him flying into a wall, hard enough to leave a mark. Ben grunted as he freed himself.

"Pathetic," Vilgax taunted. "So this is your resolve."

"You know for damn sure it isn't," Ben said, freeing himself. "Besides, I haven't even activated it yet." He whipped out his katana as it transformed into a normal sword, one you'd see in the hands on any knight. It looked like a downgrade, all things considered.

Vilgax had to laugh. "This is the infamous 'Omni Raiden'. What a dull looking blade."

Ben smirked. "A lot of people say that. All of them are wrong."

Vilgax jumped into the air and propelled himself toward Ben, his back tendrils extended. He made a quick dash toward the boy, but before Ben could get hit he delivered a crushing overhead slash at Vilgax's mask. Vilgax quickly moved to the side, dodging the swing completely unscathed. He fired an onslaught of close range Cero at Ben, exploding him on the spot.

Vilgax stood his ground and waited- he put his arm up as Ben swung his shikai at him, boredly blocking the thing.

"I'm not impressed," Vilgax yawned.

"And I'm not looking to you for validation." Ben grinned. Vilgax heard the sound of sparks- he looked down to see Ben's blade starting to glow. Ben pushed himself off of him, extending his blade-

"HEKIREKI!" Ben yelled at the top of his lungs. The sword fired a lightning bolt at Vilgax-

"That's my shikai?!"

Kylie groaned as she turned to face Ben. "Yes. Yes it fucking is."

"I expected something cooler," Ben sulked. "Like, I have over 69 aliens-"

Ruby snickered. "Nice."

"-And you know..." Ben shrugged. "I kinda wanted something more than just sparks and stuff."

"Yeah, like a morningstar on fire," Ruby proposed. "Or extra arms for holding more swords."

"Or, like, diamond armor. Oh! Maybe something with Bloxx?" Ben grinned. "Like his Bloxxlobber."

"...alright, if I just tell you what your bankai is, will you fuck off and let me write?" Kylie scowled.

"Fine, fine," Ben huffed. "What is it?"

"Developing your powerset, I decided to look into your last name. 'Tenny' is a Greek name that can mean 'follower of Zeus', and Tennyson would basically mean 'son of Tenny.' So, with that in mind, your shikai could understandably generate lightning. Very basic," Kylie explained.

Ben shrugged. "Alright, that makes sense, I guess."

"Now, your bankai is a pseudo reference to your Shock Rock form," Kylie explained. "It functions similar to Hitsuguya's, but with a more creative twist and more weapons at your disposal. So, you can make all that stuff you guys mentioned and more, and you can create thunderstorms to strafe the battlefield and weed out opponents. Your attacks also have the same 'safe zone' that Byakuya's bankai has, so it can't attack you. However, you are VERY vulnerable to extreme torrents of water. You learned that the hard way with Arrancar Ceres-"

"You called?" Ceres said, spontaneously appearing out of nowhere.

"Kylie made you an arrancar," Ben told her.

Ceres blinked. "I have no idea what that means."

"You were once a spiritual dragon and now you're a humanoid with cool abilities," Kylie explained.

"Sweet," she said, walking off. "Make sure I kick his ass like that more in the future."

"Hey!" Ben yelled, offended.

"As I was saying, Arrancar Ceres kicked your ass by yeeting you into a lake," Kylie said.

"What, as a fight?"

"No, she's on your side. It's because you were being an idiot," Kylie teased.

"...fuck you," Ben hissed.

"What about me?" Ruby beamed, pushing Ben out of the way. "What's my Bankai?"

Kylie blinked. "Ruby. I'm gonna be honest."

"...what?"

"Yours is just Byakuya's. But with a scythe instead. I was so burnt out thinking up the others backstories and bankais and fullbring objects that I wrote 'BYAKUYA BUT WITH A SCYTHE' on your character sheet."

"...I can live with that," Ruby said, shrugging.

"Now shoo, before I make Ben lose to Vilgax and you lose to arrancar Swift," Kylie ordered.

"Alright, fine." Ben rolled his eyes. "We have to go, anyways. We gotta meet Velvet and her team at a restaurant."

"I've never really met the rest of her team, so this should be fun," Ruby said, already looking forward to it.

"Right, right," Kylie said, seeing them off. "Bring me back the leftovers?"

"Am I gonna make a giant hammer made of electricity to bash Vilgax's mask clean off?" Ben asked.

Kylie smirked. "You are now."

"Then we have a deal!" Ben cheered as he and Ruby exited the room. Kylie turned back to look at her laptop, ready to continue typing... and then coming to a horrifying realization-

She had hit a writer's block.

"Well, fuck," Kylie huffed. "How the hell am I gonna write now?"

Her fingers tapped on the table a few times, trying to think of a solution. Maybe I should watch some funny videos. That always gets the creative juices flowing, she thought, her cursor drifting over to a YouTube video-

And then Kylie spent the rest of the night watching funny cat videos and purposely ignoring her work.

But hey!

She got at least a page and a half of work done. Little victories are the biggest ones, you know.