Chapter 32

Elizabeth was struggling to take in all that Mary had said. So Lucas really was the cad others had told her he was after all. To betray these people who were so close to him was unconscionable, especially knowing that it would leave them destitute.

She could feel the anger building inside her and hoped that at that exact moment Nathan was telling Lucas very much the same as she was thinking. The man need not show his face in here again as he would not be welcome, she thought. The same applied to Hope Valley.

Yet, surprisingly, Mary seemed to bear no ill will towards him. Elizabeth needed to understand why.

"If I had been abandoned by someone I had trusted….loved, then I am not sure I could be as forgiving as you. How is it that you are not showing anger towards Lucas?"

Mary turned to look at where the children were now playing in the sitting room, their bellies full of Mrs Winters' fruit tart and now their voices shouting out answers to the latest letter Gabe had given them for the game I See they had just started playing. Mae and Beth were sitting on the floor, their happiness at being there radiating from them as they swivelled around to see who had made each suggestion.

"Those are my reasons, Elizabeth. If the life we knew hadn't been turned upside down by the Bouchards then I would not have met Peter and those two most precious gifts would never have been born. They are worth more money than anyone could ever give me."

Elizabeth had followed her eyes and now focused on Little Jack in the midst of all the children, his little hand firmly in Allie's as it seemed to be at every opportunity. It was clear he didn't understand the game but happily shouted out whatever word she whispered in his ear. Immediately she understood what Mary meant. Despite the pain that losing Jack had brought she wouldn't change a thing. She would still marry him, even knowing that he would die, because what he had given her was worth every tear she had cried.

"It still takes a big heart not to feel any resentment towards him. He was your friend. You had all grown up together. Your sister had planned a future with him."

Mary gave the softest of smiles then, her eyes misting over as she looked across at her daughters once more. "That's what made it easy in the end. Don't get me wrong, at the time we were all upset and angry, Rachael absolutely heartbroken because she truly loved him. There were a lot of bad things said amongst us about Lucas and his family. Then little by little we began to remember all the times we had watched the way his parents treated him. He was never allowed freedom from what his father decided, something that we had been brought up to enjoy by our own papa who believed that everyone has the right to think for themselves. But Lucas was managed and controlled in everything he did, except for the moments he escaped into our world."

Elizabeth was seeing the picture of a young Lucas building in front of her and realised that it explained so much of who he was now. So many adventures but very little love had made it hard for him to show his true self to others. Instead he hid behind the mask of a showman, entertaining the crowds to win their love. Performing as he had needed to do as a child to please his parents.

Mary continued, "He didn't have the weapons to fight back against them or the confidence to doubt what they were saying because he had never been allowed to do that. Ever."

"I understand that from what you have said. I know he then became a gambler and businessman but I'm still trying to figure out how a man like him ended up in Hope Valley. I know he had been escaping some trouble but once that was over I don't understand why he stayed."

Mary just looked at her, taking in the lines of her face like an artist does when they are about to start sketching. "I imagine it was because of you".

When Elizabeth looked confused Mary continued, "I haven't seen Rachael for nearly eight years so have no idea what she looks like now. We write when we can, keep each other up to date with what we want the other to know about what is happening in our lives, but the cost of travelling to visit is not something I have the money for. And she leads such a busy life. But looking at you it is like stepping back into the past. You are very like how she was when Lucas would last have seen her. The similarity struck me when I first met you but now I can see the differences as I have watched you more. You have the same gentleness about you though. She became a schoolteacher too, although it was a struggle for her to get there but she persevered."

Suddenly all those times that she had felt Lucas watching her, standing on the balcony of the Queen of Hearts with his teacup in hand, had a different meaning. It felt creepy in one way but understandable in another. He was clearly a troubled man.

She didn't want to dwell on those thoughts though, still feeling anger towards him for not having fought harder for his friends. "And your brother, Michael? What happened to him?"

A proud look settled on Mary's face as she spoke, "He has done very well for himself. He always wanted to be a writer, something Lucas teased him about growing up because his mother was so supercilious about anything to do with books and I guess some of that rubbed off on him. He gave it a go but eventually he knew he had to do something more concrete to earn a living. So, he became an editor instead. Now he runs the largest publishing house in New York."

Elizabeth couldn't hide her surprise at hearing this, instinctively looking down at the shabby clothes that Mary was wearing. She didn't say anything but Mary immediately knew what she was thinking.

"You are wondering why he doesn't help me? It's because he doesn't know. He asks us often if we need anything and has invited us to come down to visit. He even suggested we come to live with him and his family after Peter died but I can't. I feel it would be disrespectful to my husband because Michael would think Peter had let us down by not providing a better life for me and the girls. But we had everything we needed and wanted while he was alive."

Elizabeth was intrigued by this family who had all, in different ways, found what they wanted in life, despite the setback caused by the Bouchards. It was a testament to their upbringing that they had the strength to pick themselves up after that. Would Lucas have been become a better person if he had the same supportive parents?

"You need to speak to Lucas, Mary. Even if you have forgiven him you still have to tell him the truth of what happened. Let him know that you are all okay despite his rejection. And you must swallow your pride and contact your brother. Let him help you. I can't imagine Peter was the type of man to want his family to suffer just for the sake of his reputation."

Mary nodded in agreement. "I've been thinking that today. Watching Mae and Beth with the other children, enjoying just these simple things that we haven't had for so long, has made me realise that they deserve more. I will write to Michael and be truthful about how things are."

"And Lucas?"

She was about to answer when Allie jumped up from the sitting room and came running through, Little Jack right behind her. Following the direction of their eyes she saw Nathan standing in the doorway, pain evident in the way he held his body but still he knelt down and opened his arms to embrace his daughter and the little boy he loved like a son.

He looked at Elizabeth, a weary smile on his face, but then he gave her a nod as if to say it's all going to be okay.

"That man loves you", a voice beside her said. "I remember that look from when Peter would come in after a long day of working on the farm. He would be exhausted, aching from head to toe, but he always said that even if he was crawling through the door the sight of me and the girls was all he needed to feel better."

Elizabeth knew that was something Nathan would say to her. That Jack would have said. Two men, she thought. The best of the best and she was lucky to have felt the love of both of them. The greatest thing was that Nathan did not ask her to stop loving Jack for he knew that her heart had the ability to grow to whatever capacity was needed to include them all. She was the one who had to learn that.

"And I love him, more than I ever realised until just recently", she whispered back, her eyes never leaving his.

Bill was quick to usher Nathan into the room, bringing a chair to the end of the table and pushing the wheelchair back into the corner. He helped him sit down, muttering words of admonition under his breath at him for not having rung the bell so that he could help him back to the house. Nathan patted his arm, acknowledging the care from his friend but wanting to reassure him that he was fine. "I took it easy, Bill. I needed the time to think."

Now he found himself staring at Elizabeth, his hand reaching out for hers as he searched her face to see what similarity there was to the photograph Lucas had shown him of Rachael. There was certainly a strong likeness but he quickly realised that there was more to a face than its features. A life had been lived in it and every little line told a story about the person who wore it and what had happened to them on their journey to this point. But he had a feeling that Lucas hadn't looked that closely, his mind seeing only what it wanted to see.

Uncaring of who was watching he reached his other hand up to her cheek, wanting to drink in the love that he could see shining in her eyes. He leant forward and pressed his lips against hers, holding them there for a brief moment as he felt the trembling of hers as she responded, before releasing her again. "I'm sorry, my love," he whispered. "I had to go like that. I promise I will explain everything later."

Pulling himself away he turned to Mary. "I have spoken to Lucas, the man is distraught. And feeling guilty. That is the best I can say about how he is right now. There is a lot you need to talk about. Some of it will be difficult to hear for both of you but I believe you will see the situation in a different way if you are willing to listen to what he has to say. And he to you."

He paused for a moment, not actually wanting to delve too much deeper into a matter that really wasn't his business but he had to know how Lucas would react to certain information.

"If you are willing to speak with him then there are a few things I would like to know beforehand. Just so that I can prepare him, if necessary, for things he may find upsetting. I don't want you to have to suffer any more than you already have by seeing his reaction."

Mary was undecided whether she would speak to Lucas. She had forgiven him many years ago and now was uncertain if anything would be gained from bringing the past up again with him. Talking with both Elizabeth and Nathan had been cathartic for her, putting everything into perspective once more, and that was good. But did she need to rehash it with Lucas?

"I'm not sure Nathan, what will I gain from going over it all again? Perhaps it would be better to let sleeping dogs lie. Once I take my girls home today there is no reason for our paths to ever cross again. He will return to Hope Valley and we will get on with our life here."

She gave Elizabeth a quick look, an expression of affirmation on her face, "And I am going to be honest with my family. Tell them that we are struggling and ask for their help. That will be the gift seeing Lucas again has given to me."

Nathan could understand and for a moment he was tempted to just end it at that. But he knew that for Lucas's sake he couldn't leave certain things hanging. "If you don't want to speak to him that is fine but will you at least tell me something?"

Mary had an idea what the questions were going to be and in her heart she knew she couldn't deny Lucas the answers he was looking for. What he did with it was then up to him. And her.

"My sister Rachael is a teacher in Vancouver. After we left and went to stay with my mother's family, who kindly offered to take us in, the rest of us were determined to never return but she didn't feel that way. I often wondered if it was because she hoped to bump into Lucas one day. So she went back after she finished her teacher training and has stayed ever since. She is happy, in the way someone who has seen their dream torn away can be when they find something else that fulfils them. But love? There never has been anyone else for her and I doubt there ever will be."

Nathan let out the breath he had been holding, afraid as he was of what the answer was going to be. Now he had to work out what was best for both of them. "I think you need to hear him out. Then you can decide whether he should be able to contact Rachael. There is a lot you don't know."