Reflection
His words a constant echo in my mind,
You can do this.
He'd chanted those words to me so many times, that they ran through my head like a song. Pulsing through my veins in a steady rhythm, constantly at work.
I just needed to lift my head.
That was all.
Such a simple task.
I gripped the sink and remembered the last time that I had tried to do this.
I remembered smashing the mirror until it was nothing but shards of glass on the floor. Breaking it the way that it had broken me.
He'd dragged me out of this small space, and I had apologised to him with one simple word. But it had held everything within it.
Sorry.
Sorry I can't do it.
Sorry I'm so weak.
Sorry I'm dragging you down with me.
The shattered glass on the tiles had been swept up. The mirror replaced with something much nicer. Another mess he'd cleaned up for me.
Not again. Not this time.
I looked up quickly, not allowing myself a second to back down.
It wasn't as much of a shock this time. I knew what they looked like, I knew how thick and raised they were.
Edward would be back from the store soon. I'd purposely waited for him to leave before attempting this. Just in case I fell apart.
I couldn't bare the thought of putting him through this again.
You can do this. I reminded myself. You can accept this.
I pulled my shirt off and looked at myself, no matter how much my eyes pleaded with me to stop.
Tears spilled in heavy drops onto my skin, running against the trails of my scars. And for this moment, I'd let them.
I didn't want to be angry at Jacob anymore. I wouldn't fight with a ghost, and I wouldn't allow him to haunt us anymore.
Edward had read Billy's thoughts when I burnt down that garage. When I lit up that dark space, creating cloud of smoke that drifted of into sky, tangling into the stars. Revealing the truths had been hidden away.
Billy had known that Jacob's obsession with me was unhealthy. He had noticed changes in Jacob. He'd seen the vicious side of him growing.
But he'd stayed silent.
I couldn't even blame him. We all kept secrets to protect the people we loved. Violent secrets that we would lock within tight lips, never to be spoken aloud again. The keys to which were buried in the cold dirt, where no one would ever find them.
A rough breath escaped me.
My shaky hand reached for the blue blouse. One that had lived on a hanger for far to long. I'd brought it over a year ago, waiting for a sunny day, to bring it out.
But the days had only seemed to grow colder, and it had stayed hidden away, just like me.
I started fixing my hair and applying the small amount of makeup that I had always used, working around the marks and willing the tears to stop before my mascara ran.
I could think of something else. I could ignore them. Pretend it wasn't my reflection starring back at me. But where would that get me?
You can do this. I reminded myself again.
You can accept this.
Of course it wouldn't happen today, not right now. But it was as good a place as any to start.
I heard him come in through the front door and shook my hands at my sides, hoping to rid myself of my nerves. It didn't work, they remained flapping in my stomach like rabid bats. But they wouldn't stop me.
I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Watching him take a hand full of items to the fridge, to pack away.
"What do you feel like for dinner?" He asked, as he began unloading everything.
"Popcorn." I muttered. I was such a dork. This was an awful idea.
"For dinner?" he laughed, turning to face me. He instantly grew silent as his eyes searched me over.
"It's a bit late, but I believe we had a date planned." I reminded him, forcing a smile. Doing my absolute best to remain casual under his stunned gaze.
I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat and silently begged the bats in my stomach to take a break. The night was young, they'd have plenty of time to terrorise me later.
Finally, he smiled. That kind of smile that made me weak in my knees and forget how to do basic math.
"That sounds perfect." He chimed as he walked toward me. Kissing me lightly before he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, leading me out into the world that I had been hiding from for so long.
I can do this.
