If he had known…
He heard the news secondhand, the day after it happened; overheard in a tavern that one of Szass Tam's followers had tried to recreate his spell on the people of Neverwinter. He had to duck out for a few moments after that, hiding himself behind the tavern so he could lean against the wall and shake - a reaction he hated, but one he had had before, when confronted with such obvious reminders of the Beckoning Death. When he had been young, the fits came regularly, but they had become less frequent as he grew and put distance between himself and the trauma of his childhood. He hadn't had a fit so strong in years, but there were also few reminders so potent as someone attempting to cast the spell again.
When he was steady once more, he returned to the tavern and asked for details. He found that the wizard had called down the spell during the High Sun Games, when the arena was full of people. He also found, however, that only a few people had actually been caught in the spell, as most people left the arena due to a gift of falling treasure, ostensibly from the lord of Neverwinter himself. From what Xenk knew of the man, he suspected someone else had been behind the gift.
And, from the sound of the rumors, that someone else was still alive; the wizard had allegedly been defeated by a sorcerer, a druid, a barbarian, a bard, and, according to some rumors, the bard's daughter. It was too specific a group to be coincidence, and Xenk knew that Edgin and his party must have succeeded in their quest.
Had he known their quest would involve this, he would have joined them in it.
He'd left them after reclaiming the helm because he'd thought they could reach their goal without him, and he feared they wouldn't if he'd stayed; he'd seen their potential, but known that they needed a push to reach it, and his presence would have guarded them against the urgency of such a push. He'd also found their quest a bit unpleasant, although they'd couched it in sweet enough terms that he'd offered some help. The thought of actually helping to steal the treasure was distasteful, though, so he'd left that part to them, after securing Edgin's vow.
He did believe that they hadn't intended to fight the Red Wizard as they did. Given what he'd seen of the party and how they'd reacted to him, they would have begged his help if they'd planned for a fight at that level. He would have given it, of course. He would join anyone, do anything, to stop the Beckoning Death from spreading once more.
But they had stopped it, and he'd been far away, useless.
He would go to Neverwinter, he decided; he would see for himself that Edgin and the others had survived, and he would ensure that the Red Wizard was truly defeated and the Beckoning Death stopped. Perhaps he could even do something for the people who had been caught in the spell, although he still hadn't really learned how to help its victims. It had been over a century, and in some ways, he still felt as helpless as the boy he'd been back then, running from the red cloud-
He pushed those thoughts aside and focused on his plan. He would go to Neverwinter, and he would reassure himself that all was as well as it could be. He would ensure that everyone was safe, with the Red Wizard gone. He would see with his own eyes that Edgin and Holga and Simon and Doric were safe, and perhaps that would be enough to calm his frantic nerves.
He decided to leave in the morning, but he dreamed of them that night; dreamed of the spell as it had been cast when he was a child. It was a familiar nightmare, but one that would sometimes change based on his current circumstances. That night, he dreamed that his new acquaintances were swallowed up by the red cloud, taken by the spell, reaching for him and trying to drag him in as well-
He woke early, and he left for Neverwinter immediately. There was no point in delaying. He would not sleep until he saw for himself that everyone was still alive, so his best recourse was to ride.
He was near Neverwinter when he heard someone falling, and as desperately as he wanted to see Edgin and the others, he could not ignore the sounds of someone who might need him. He followed the noise and found a man sprawled on the ground, holding a golden chalice.
A familiar man, he found as he helped him up. A man whose face had been plastered throughout all of Neverwinter very recently.
A man without whom the Red Wizard could not have acted. A man who needed to face justice.
Xenk's paladin oath would not allow him to put personal matters before the needs of the people, and his visit to Neverwinter to find Edgin and the others was truly just a personal matter. Forge, on the other hand, had to be dealt with to keep people safe. A man who had been willing to work with a Red Wizard to kill an arena full of people - no, worse than kill, torment and enslave - was not someone who could be allowed to run free.
Forge protested and begged and threatened, but Xenk paid him little mind. A little vengeful part of him, a tiny voice he tried never to listen to, insisted that he ought to do more, that prison was too good for someone like Forge, that he ought to make him pay-
But Xenk was a paladin, and he worked for justice, and he knew he would not like the man he would become if he gave into his baser instincts like that. He dragged Forge to the nearest town and left him in the hands of those who could ensure that he faced justice. He was asked if he would escort Forge all the way to the prison, but that was more than he could bear.
He had seen justice fulfilled. His oath was satisfied. He turned back towards Neverwinter.
He hadn't fully known what to expect upon reaching the city. He'd feared it would all be dead and ruined, but he'd known it was more likely for it to just be a bit battered. That was indeed the case, but it wasn't his first thought upon nearing the arena, because nearing the arena made the mark on his forehead burn.
He tried to think of his mark as little as possible. It was a permanent sign of what he'd been through, a reminder that would taunt him forever. It was something that inspired fear in people, even those he was trying to save. It was a touch of evil, and he wished he could scrub it away. He couldn't, so he tried not to think about it.
But in Neverwinter, when surrounded by the last bits of fading energy from the spell, he could feel it, could feel that evil, could feel the way he had not escaped the first spell unscathed and would never fully recover from it-
Dwelling on that would do him no good. He pushed the thoughts aside and began to search for Edgin.
The first few people shied away from him, clearly frightened by the mark he bore. It was, he found when he checked his own appearance, reddened and irritated, making it stand out more than usual against his dark skin. But his paladin armor and general demeanor proved calming, and finally, he came across someone who claimed to know where Edgin was.
"Man with the lute, right? Traveling with a lady with an axe, a half-elf, a druid, and a little girl. Yeah, he's staying at the Golden Boar. Tavern down the street, you can't miss it."
"The Golden Boar," Xenk repeated, relief washing over him at the thought of being so close to the end of his impromptu quest. "Thank you, good sir. I owe you a debt."
"Just answering your question," the man said, looking vaguely flustered at Xenk's attention. His cheeks had gone a bit pink, but Xenk had found it was more polite not to bring that up. Most people just got more flustered if he did.
He bowed instead, then he made his way towards the aforementioned Golden Boar. It was indeed easy to find, and he found himself hurrying as he neared it, moving faster and faster. If the man spoke the truth - and there was no reason not to believe him - Edgin and the others were inside, alive and well and certainly not mindless slaves of Szass Tam. The scenes of Xenk's nightmares weren't true, and they would never come to pass.
He wasn't certain why he'd become so attached to the group, and so quickly. He'd lived a long time, and he'd watched many people die, but he'd never allowed himself to get too close to people. He did his best to love and care for everyone, but he kept them all at an arm's length. It was lonely that way, but it was easier than having people die around him constantly. He'd learned the pain of loss young, and he did what he could to avoid feeling it again.
And yet, something about Edgin and his party had wormed their way through Xenk's defenses. Some of it was Edgin himself; the former Harper was sharp and jaded, but yet, beneath it all, clearly a good man. His companions were no less interesting; Holga was a dichotomy of anger and violence and also kindness and heart, Simon was brimming with potential that he seemed afraid to realize, and Doric was trying to find her place in the world but afraid to find it. They reminded Xenk somewhat of aspects of himself, and yet they were also so different from him. They intrigued him, they fascinated him, they called to him in a way people hadn't in years.
And then, they had nearly been taken from him in the way those he cared about the most had once been taken, and only then did he truly realize how much he desired to see them again.
He only hoped they too would be willing to see him.
The tavern was loud and raucous, which Xenk supposed he should have expected. Taverns often were, and from what he'd seen of Edgin, at least, he was the type who would enjoy a rowdy tavern more than a quiet one. Xenk preferred quiet himself, but this was far from the first time he'd had to spend time somewhere so busy; he'd figured out ways to handle the noise over the years. It was with hardly any external discomfort that he made his way through the crowd and over to Edgin's table.
"Oh, hey, it's Xenk," Simon said, sounding a little pleased and a little nervous. That seemed to be his default state, Xenk supposed. "Did you, uh, come for the…" He gestured vaguely at his head. "It's in the room upstairs. Under a heavy ward! So it's safe! But I just figured it was best not to bring it down here, just in case."
The gesture at Simon's head, Xenk realized, was meant to indicate that he was speaking about the helm. "I have not come for the helm, no," he said, "though it should be returned to a safe place as soon as possible. I came to congratulate you on your defeat of the Red Wizard, and see if there was anything I could do to help in the aftermath." He looked over at Edgin and bowed slightly. "You kept your vow. I was glad to hear of it."
"Ugh." Edgin rolled his eyes, which was not the reaction Xenk had hoped for, but was the one he had realistically expected. "It was the quickest way to get people out of the arena, and letting Sofina turn everyone into zombie monsters seemed like a pretty bad idea."
Xenk inclined his head gravely. "It would be indeed."
"You're Xenk Yendar?" the young girl at Edgin's side asked, eyeing Xenk closely.
"I am," Xenk agreed. "And you, I assume, are Kira Darvis?"
"I am," the girl replied, puffing up a bit with pride. Next to her, Edgin looked even more proud, the happiness of that expression almost wiping out the irritation that had spread across his face when Xenk approached. "You helped my dad and Holga get the helm Simon used, right?"
"I did indeed."
"Did you really fight a beholder with a sharpened gourd?"
"I had no other weapons at the time. I made do."
"Ugh, of course you did," Edgin groaned.
"And you're from Thay, right?" Kira asked, her gaze flickering up to the mark on Xenk's forehead.
When Xenk was younger, he'd worn various head coverings to hide the mark. He felt the urge to do so again. "I am," he admitted. "I am aware that my people have committed a great atrocity against you, Kira Darvis, and while nothing could ever make amends for what they did, I would offer my deepest apologies and my greatest sympathies for all that you have endured." He bowed deeply, not certain he wanted to see the look on Kira's face.
"Oh." Kira sounded a bit startled by his proclamation. "Thanks."
Xenk straightened and studied the group again. He knew well that he had an unfortunate tendency to misstep in social situations, often not realizing that what he'd done was a misstep at all until confronted on it or looking back afterwards, but even he knew that it would be a misstep to ask what Edgin had decided to do with the Tablet of Resurrection. Zia Darvis was not there, after all, and if Edgin had brought his wife back, Xenk was certain he would not have left her side. Either they were unable to claim the tablet at all, or he'd decided against bringing her back. Either way, Xenk doubted it was a topic Edgin wished to discuss with him.
"Are you staying here?" Doric asked.
"I will be staying in Neverwinter, yes," Xenk agreed. "I do not believe I will stay in this establishment. I will see if there is a temple of my god where I can rest."
"You could stay in the forest, if you want," Doric offered. "With the Emerald Enclave. I'm sure no one would mind."
Simon looked at Doric with some dismay on his face, so it seemed that he minded, for some reason. "Thank you for the offer," Xenk said, inclining his head. "I will take it under consideration."
"Sit down," Holga said, kicking out a chair. "No reason to just keep standing there."
Xenk looked over at Edgin, wondering if he would protest, but he just rolled his eyes again. Xenk sat.
"So…" Simon said, looking around the table and then back at Xenk. "How, uh, how have you been?"
Ah, small talk; Xenk disliked it, but he could manage it for a time, if he kept to a script. "I have been well. And you?"
"We've been good, yeah," Simon said, looking about as awkward with the small talk as Xenk felt. Xenk wondered why he was bothering with it, in that case. Simon looked around at the others, eyes a bit wide, and Kira stepped in.
"Did you really come just come here to congratulate everyone?" she asked, looking slightly suspicious. Xenk supposed she took after her father in that way.
"That was part of my reasoning, yes," Xenk said. "It is no easy feat to thwart a Red Wizard, and the entire continent ought to be grateful that you were able to stop the Beckoning Death from spreading once more. I am… well aware of its dangers. Thanks to your actions, the tragedy was mitigated."
"Not a bad speech," Edgin said. "I liked Lord Neverember's better, though. He gave us money."
"Indeed. I heard of such things." Xenk looked around at the group and suddenly felt horribly out of place. They were a family, they had gone through an ordeal together, and he was an outsider who had forced his way in. He often felt like an outsider - often was an outsider - but rarely so keenly, not anymore.
"I came upon Forge Fitzwilliam attempting to flee justice," he offered. "I brought him to a nearby town, and he will be charged and sentenced. I imagine he is likely to end up in Revel's End, and I doubt he will be able to leave for some time."
Simon and Doric looked relieved, but Edgin and Holga scowled, and Kira's face went completely unreadable. "He deserves worse," Edgin grumbled. "So much worse. Like, unbelievably worse."
"They better not let him have any potatoes," Holga agreed.
"I can understand the urge for vengeance, but justice will be served, and Forge will be unable to harm anyone else," Xenk said, looking from Edgin to Holga. "Is that not the ideal outcome?"
"Spineless rat," Holga huffed, and Xenk hoped she wasn't referring to him.
"Why else did you come?" Kira asked, her voice surprisingly forceful. "If it wasn't just to congratulate everyone, and you said it wasn't to pick up the helm either?"
Xenk turned to her. "I wished to help in the aftermath of the Red Wizard's attack. I know well the destruction that the Beckoning Death can wreak. I would not leave the people of Neverwinter to handle it on their own, not when I may help."
"Why did you leave my family to deal with the spell on their own, then?" Kira accused. "You helped them get the helm, and then you left."
"Kir," Edgin protested, looking vaguely uncomfortable. "Xenk's definitely not the stupidly perfect paladin that everyone thinks he is, but that's not really fair."
Xenk ignored the first part of that statement and shook his head. "No, your daughter makes a valid point. Kira Darvis, I should indeed have assisted your family in defeating the Red Wizard and stopping her spell. Had I known what she intended, I would indeed have joined them. Regrettably, I only knew that a Red Wizard was involved, and there are many Red Wizards who spread evil throughout the world. I do what I can to defeat them, but I cannot fight them all on my own. Would that I could. Instead, when I find groups who seem strong and competent enough to defeat them on their own, I give them my blessings. I thought your family was one such group."
"Oh." Simon looked oddly delighted by the statement. "That's flattering."
"You should have helped them," Kira said stubbornly. "If you had, then maybe-" Alarmingly, her eyes filled with tears; Xenk wondered what he'd done wrong.
"Oh, hey, bug," Holga said, reaching over and patting Kira's hand. "We were all okay in the end."
"You died!" Kira cried, and Xenk's chest went cold. "You died, and we almost didn't get you back, but if he'd been there, then maybe-"
"You died?" Xenk repeated, his voice coming out far calmer than he felt. He remembered his dream, of everyone caught up in the red clouds of the Beckoning Death. Obviously, that hadn't happened to Holga, but something had, something almost as bad.
"I'm fine," Holga said, shifting in her chair. "Edgin fixed me."
"Ah." Xenk looked over at Edgin. "The Tablet of Resurrection."
That explained the lack of Zia Darvis at the table; Edgin had been forced to use the tablet otherwise. Xenk felt firmly that he had made the right decision, but he had seen the pain in Edgin's eyes when he spoke of his wife, and he saw the pain in his eyes now. Edgin had made the right decision, but Xenk didn't think he wanted to hear it, especially not from him.
He certainly hadn't thought much of Xenk's advice before, and Xenk tried not to make the same conversational missteps twice.
"Yup, tablet," Edgin agreed, a bit hurriedly. "But Kira, it's not Xenk's fault. It's Sofina's fault, and Doric beat the crap out of her, so we're all good now."
Xenk still thought Kira looked upset, but she didn't protest her father's words, just nodded and leaned against Holga's side. Holga kissed her forehead in an obviously maternal way that briefly made Xenk's chest twist. Kira had lost one mother already, and Xenk hated to think that she had, even briefly, lost another.
He remembered his mother still, even though it had been over a century since he lost her. It was a loss that grew more bearable with time, but never went away. Kira would have been too young when Zia died to remember her, but Xenk was sure the loss still affected her, if only in the way it haunted her father. But Holga had raised her, and Xenk was glad she didn't have to live with that loss as well.
"How long are you staying?" Doric asked Xenk.
"As long as I may," Xenk replied. "If something goes wrong and I am needed, I will need to go where my oath leads me, but I will stay until then." He looked around the table and added, "If my presence is welcome, of course."
The group visibly deferred to Edgin, who shrugged. "We don't own the city. Not sure how long we'll be staying anyway."
"Does that mean my presence is welcome?"
"It means you don't need my permission to stay," Edgin said. "You can stay whether I say you're welcome or not."
"Ah. I understand. However, should I wish to spend time with all of you specifically, would my presence be welcome?"
The question seemed to take the group by surprise, given their wide-eyed looks. "Us?" Simon asked, looking around as if the table's occupants might have changed when he wasn't looking. "Like… us?"
"Indeed, you," Xenk agreed. "But only if you would find it agreeable. I would not wish to push my company somewhere where it was unwanted."
"I'd be fine with your company," Doric said.
"Yeah, me too," Simon added quickly.
Holga shrugged. "You're fine, just don't mess with me when I'm eating my potatoes."
Xenk inclined his head. "Thank you. And Holga, I would not 'mess with you,' regardless of whether you are eating your potatoes or not." He looked over at Edgin and Kira. "If you two are disinclined to my presence, I will of course avoid you whenever possible."
Edgin looked vaguely constipated. Xenk wondered if his food disagreed with him.
"It's a free town, like I said. You don't have to avoid us. I mean, I don't think we'll ever be buddy-buddy, but I'm not going to run away screaming if I see you."
"I would be surprised if you did," Xenk replied. "Although there have been instances where people have."
"It was hyperbole," Edgin said, rolling his eyes.
"You can hang out with me too, if you want," Kira said suddenly. "But you have to give us a way to contact you too. So if we're in trouble again, you can come help."
"Of course," Xenk agreed. "Tomorrow, we may procure sending stones that we can use for that exact purpose." It would make him feel more comfortable as well, to be honest; he was glad that Kira had come up with the idea.
Kira nodded. "Okay."
"Good idea, bug," Holga complimented.
"Pardon, but why do you keep referring to her as a bug?" Xenk asked. "It seems a rude term of address."
"It's a nickname," Edgin said, an edge of exasperation in his voice. That was a tone that Xenk had had reason to learn well, and he could recognize it more easily than other tones. He still missed it, often, and sometimes ignored it, but this time, he was quite aware of it. He wondered if, despite what Edgin had said, he had outstayed his welcome.
"Ah. I understand." He still didn't understand why someone would use such a term as a nickname, which he generally understood to be a shortened, fond term of address, but he assumed that Holga and Edgin most likely knew more about nicknames than he did.
"I should leave," Xenk said suddenly, standing. If he had indeed outstayed his welcome, he didn't want to make it worse, and he had done what he'd wanted to do; he'd confirmed that the group was alright and untouched by the Beckoning Death. "I ought to find a temple to sleep in for the night."
"Oh. Okay." Edgin looked around the table. "If you can't find a temple, you can come back here with us. We'll figure out a place for you to sleep. There'll be room on someone's floor or something."
Xenk bowed slightly. "Thank you for the offer. And I am relieved to find you all well. You did an impressive thing, defeating the Red Wizard. I, and all of Faerûn, owe you a debt."
"Right, yeah, cool," Edgin agreed. "Maybe we'll call that in someday."
"If you have need of me, I certainly hope you would."
"You might not like what we ask you to do."
"As I said, I owe you a debt. If you have need of me, I will do all that I can to help you. My oath demands it."
"Right. Oath." Edgin looked at the others and added, in a voice he must have known wasn't quiet enough for Xenk to miss it, "Anyone else wanna take over?"
"We'll try not to ask you to steal too much shit," Holga said, which must not have been the help Edgin was looking for, as he bent over the table with a long groan.
"I appreciate that," Xenk replied gravely.
"Alright, you're all terrible," Edgin declared. "Except you, Kira. Xenk, like I said, if you need a place to sleep, we'll figure something out for you. If you promise not to be too paladin-y about it."
Xenk had no idea what Edgin meant by "too paladin-y," but he would do his best. "Thank you, Edgin Darvis."
Edgin groaned again, although Xenk had no idea why. "You're incorrigible. See you later, I guess."
Xenk bowed once more to the table and left the tavern. Edgin's offer had been a kind one, but Xenk had seen a temple of Tyr on his way into town. He would be able to stay there, either in a spare bed if they had one or on the floor. He had slept in worse places, and the temple would be comforting in the way temples almost always were.
He hadn't slept since his nightmare, but he hoped seeing Edgin and the others alive would keep it at bay for the night.
He woke in a rush, scrabbling at his sheets, gasping for air that felt too thin. His hopes had been too high; the nightmare had torn through his sleep relentlessly, filling it with visions of Holga dying and the whole group being swallowed by a red cloud. Kira joined the dreams as well, and Xenk had watched history repeat itself as her father dragged her into the spell. He had reached for her, tried to help, and then there had been hands on him as well, pushing and pulling and refusing to let go no matter how much he struggled-
He needed to see them alive. He needed to know this was just a dream.
He snuck out of the temple as quietly as he could. He didn't want to wake anyone else, not when they'd been so kind and welcoming and given him not only a bed but also dinner and the promise of breakfast the next morning. He'd promised to help with some of repairs in return for their kindness, even as they assured him it was unnecessary. And he would help, he would return to the temple before the night was done, but first, he had to check in at the tavern.
The Golden Boar was quieter in the middle of the night, though still not entirely silent. Xenk looked at the windows and wondered which ones had Edgin and the others behind them. His plan to see them was fracturing around him, now that he was awake enough to consider the practicalities. How was he supposed to find them? Simply go up to the front door and ask? If there was anyone downstairs at all, he doubted they'd be very receptive to his request, and they would have no reason to trust him.
He was being foolish. There was no reason to think anything was actually wrong, so he would return to the temple and leave them to their rest.
He was turning to do so when he spotted the shadow skulking behind the tavern. He was unarmed, only in plain clothes with his teal jacket over them, but he still knew himself to be a formidable opponent, and he would do what he had to to keep Edgin and the others safe.
He approached the figure quietly, scanning them for any visible weaknesses until he got close enough to recognize them. At that point, he relaxed slightly, but he kept approaching until he reached them.
"Edgin Darvis."
"Holy-!" Edgin whirled around, eyes wide. "Xenk, what the- You scared the shit out of me."
Xenk's eyes went wide for a moment, then it occurred to him that that was probably one of the colloquialisms that Edgin and the others seemed to favor so much, if a revoltingly crass one. He personally didn't think much of colloquialisms, but he wondered if he would have to learn more of them if he wished to communicate properly with Edgin.
"I apologize. I did not mean to frighten you."
"Yeah, no, it's on me," Edgin sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I should have been paying more attention."
"Did something happen?" Xenk asked, wondering if Edgin had been outside as a - woefully ineffective - guard.
"Nah, just couldn't sleep," Edgin replied. "What about you? Did your super paladin senses tell you that I was up?"
"I do not have super paladin senses, at least none that would grant me such knowledge," Xenk told him. "I also could not sleep. I thought I would go for a walk."
It was true, technically. Something must have given him away, though, because Edgin studied his face with a frown. Xenk had heard before that his face tended to either be blank as stone or show all of his feelings clearly. He wished for the former, but he had feeling it was a case of the latter.
"Nightmares?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Did you have a nightmare?" Edgin elaborated. "You've got that sort of look on your face. I had a nightmare, and like hell was I going back to sleep after that."
"I- Yes. The use of the Beckoning Death once more has… reawakened memories."
"Ouch." Edgin winced sympathetically. "Yeah, reawakened memories are a bitch."
Xenk frowned slightly. "That is… a colloquialism?"
Edgin laughed. "Yeah, it is. It means they're painful and generally awful."
"Ah. I would agree." Xenk studied Edgin a moment. "Was your nightmare about your wife?"
For a moment, Xenk almost thought Edgin was going to hit him. Perhaps he shouldn't have asked, especially given how Edgin had reacted when Xenk tried to talk to him about his wife back when they were searching for the helm, but he wanted to help, and he didn't know how. Defending people from an attack, he could do. Providing spiritual wisdom to those longing for meaning, he could do. But Edgin definitely hadn't been interested in hearing Xenk's spiritual wisdom before, and there was no one he could fight. That meant he had to try to help with his own words, and he wasn't sure he was very good at that.
"Talking to you isn't great," he could almost hear Edgin say, and he was fairly certain Edgin had meant it at least partially as a joke, but Xenk also knew it wasn't entirely untrue.
If Edgin had tried to hit him, Xenk would have deflected as gently as he could and let Edgin get out his frustrations in a fight, but Edgin didn't even try; he just deflated and leaned against the wall. "Yeah. It was."
"I am sorry for your loss," Xenk offered. "I don't recall if I said so before, but it is true."
"I lost her fourteen years ago." Edgin looked up at the sky and chuckled humorlessly. "Fourteen years. I was a mess at first. Really, a huge mess. And then… I mean, I accepted it, I knew she was gone, but I didn't really accept it-accept it, because the second I thought there was a chance of getting her back, I jumped on it. The whole thing was sketchy, and Sofina was super sketchy, and I did it anyway, because I thought I could get that stupid tablet."
Xenk eyed Edgin and tentatively moved to stand next to him. He kept a careful distance so they wouldn't touch, but he hoped the proximity would make Edgin feel a bit less alone.
"I told myself it was about Kira and Zia, but it wasn't. It was about me. Kira didn't even remember her mom, and Zia… Zia's been dead for fourteen years. You were right. She's… wherever she is now, and dragging her back would be unfair. But that doesn't… It still…"
"I believe you did the right thing," Xenk offered when Edgin's voice trailed off. "When you used the tablet to resurrect Holga Kilgore."
"I almost didn't," Edgin confided. "I watched her die, and for a moment, when I thought about using the tablet, I just felt like… like I couldn't do it. I couldn't lose my chance at getting Zia back. But Kira was crying, and Holga was her mom more than Zia ever had the chance to be, and I couldn't lose my best friend. And I used the tablet, and I lost Zia all over again."
Xenk had no idea what words could help, so he stood silently, listening to Edgin's hitched breathing smooth back out. After a few long moments, Edgin slumped further against the wall and looked at Xenk for the first time since Xenk had asked about his nightmare.
"I don't even know why the hell I'm telling you all this. I haven't talked to anyone else about it, and I'm sure as hell not going to. Is this some sort of weird paladin magic? Are you charming me to get me to talk?"
"I would never do such a thing," Xenk replied. "This is something weighing on you. Speaking of it will help to unburden you. A burden shared is a burden halved."
Edgin snorted. "Is that one of your tenets of the ancients?"
"No, it is merely something I have heard spoken many times, by many people."
"What about your burdens? I shared mine, so apparently they're halved. Wanna share yours?"
"My burdens?" Xenk repeated dumbly.
"You had a nightmare too. What was it about? Other than just 'the Beckoning Death,' because that's way too general."
Xenk hesitated. He understood, of course, that it made perfect sense for Edgin to turn his own words against him, but it didn't mean he liked it. Perhaps a burden shared was a burden halved, but he had never wanted to share his burden. He could carry it alone.
"Was it about your parents?" Edgin asked gently.
"My parents?" Xenk repeated, more sharply this time.
"You said you were a kid when the spell happened," Edgin said. "And you said something about parents turning on their kids. And I heard some stuff that kinda implied you were alone when you fled Thay, so… If I'm way off base, tell me to piss off, but…" He trailed off and shook his head. "I don't know. I'm probably being an ass. Ignore me."
Perhaps Xenk was uncomfortable about discussing his dreams with Edgin, but he didn't want to make Edgin feel he'd done something wrong in asking. "You are not an ass. My parents were indeed caught in the spell, and they do feature in many of my nightmares."
Xenk had half expected Edgin to be somewhat smug at having guessed correctly. He was wrong; Edgin looked mildly nauseated and heavily sympathetic. "I'm sorry."
"You were not even born when Szass Tam cast his spell," Xenk said. "It was no fault of yours, and nothing you must apologize for."
"No, but I'm sorry that you went through that, and that you still have nightmares about it," Edgin said. "And I'm sorry you were alone."
Xenk flinched, then wondered why the word hit him the way it did. He knew he had been alone when he fled Thay, of course, and he spent much of his life alone, but he rarely felt the sting of it like he did when Edgin said it aloud.
"It was long ago," Xenk said quietly. "I- I do not dream of it as much as I used to."
He would have said he only dreamed of it rarely, but he didn't think his dreams were infrequent enough to call them rare.
"Still sucks when you do," Edgin said, which Xenk assumed from context was a negative thing. He would have to memorize these colloquialisms if he was to continue spending time with Edgin.
A breeze cut through the alley, and Edgin shivered. Xenk shrugged out of his coat immediately and draped it over Edgin's shoulders, pulling the edges tight around him.
"What- Xenk, what the hell?"
"You are cold."
"This- I'm not taking your coat!"
"I will be fine without it. I have endured much colder areas."
"I'm still not taking your coat," Edgin said, shucking it off and shoving it back in Xenk's arms. "I- I should probably go back inside."
"I can give you a blessing for a dreamless sleep," Xenk offered.
Edgin eyed him. "Does it work?"
"Indeed. I would not offer a blessing that did not work."
"Then why aren't you using it for yourself?"
"Unfortunately, I am unable to perform the blessing on myself, but I am fully capable of performing it on others."
Edgin was still looking at him with some suspicion, but after a long moment, he nodded. "Might as well give it a try. If it works, it'll be the only thing that gets me to sleep tonight."
Xenk stepped forward and placed his palm on Edgin's forehead, which prompted a strange full-body flinch. He focused the divine will of the Triad, channeled it through his hand, and secured the blessing as firmly as he could.
"There you are," he said, taking a step backward and removing his palm. Oddly, despite Edgin's strange reaction to the touch, he leaned forward slightly as if chasing it before he pulled himself back.
"And it'll really work?"
"It will. I felt it take."
"Then, uh, thanks."
"You are most welcome, Edgin Darvis."
Edgin walked over to the tavern door, but he didn't go in. "Are you going to be okay? With your nightmares, I mean."
"I will be fine," Xenk assured him. "If I cannot sleep, I will meditate, and it will refresh me for the morning."
"Uh, if you say so," Edgin replied dubiously. "And the temple is okay? You don't want to come in with me?"
"The temple is more than sufficient for my needs, but I thank you for the offer."
"Right, yeah, you're probably right." Edgin nodded, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and tucking his hands against his sides. Xenk wondered if he was cold again and pondered offering his coat once more. "I'll go upstairs, then, and you can go back to the temple, and we'll see each other tomorrow."
"We will," Xenk agreed. "We must find the sending stones I promised Kira."
"Definitely. You can't break a promise you made to Kira."
"I endeavor to never break my promises, no matter to whom I've made them."
"Of course you do," Edgin sighed. "Alright. I should go up. Goodnight, Xenk."
"Goodnight, Edgin."
Edgin shot him a look as he opened the tavern door. "You can call me Ed, you know. All my friends do."
Xenk couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. "Ed, then."
Ed disappeared into the tavern with one last look. Xenk waited until he heard the door latch, then he turned and began walking back to the temple. He was, of course, unable to perform the same blessing on himself as he did for Ed, but he still felt more settled than he had when he first woke up. He even thought he might be able to sleep without dreams.
And in the morning, he would wake, and he would visit with Ed and the others, and perhaps they would even arrange to spend more time together in the near future. Ed had even called him a friend.
It had been a long time since Xenk had had someone he could truly call a friend. Having one now made the future in front of them, in spite of everything else, seem a little brighter than it had before.
