A/N: I've been in the process of reading and revising two Austenland fics I've written over the course of the last few days, and I was rewatching the movie today to gather my thoughts once more, and I ended up having a particularly strong reaction to one scene. After rehearsing, when they spot Amelia and Captain East, Nobley almost says something: he trails off, leaving his thoughts unexpressed. I ended up screaming at the screen this morning "what was he going to say?!" So, I decided to write what's going through his head in that moment.
This will just be a short one-shot. It will actually be part of a series of fics I'm working on publishing—I'm calling them my Never Too Far, Too Fast fics—but each of these fics can be read on their own. I hope you enjoy it!
"If you'd have asked me a week ago…"
He trailed off. It wasn't that he had no intended ending for that sentence. On the contrary, he had, perhaps, too explicit of an intention behind the ending of that sentence.
They had just spent hours together, rehearsing. And while he had known from nearly the outset of his time at Austenland that he had feelings developing for Ms. Erstwhile, this was, definitively, the closest he had gotten to expressing them.
There was no need to ask what had changed. Hours they had spent together, rehearsing, laughing, getting to know each other in a real, authentic way. It was the first real thing he had experienced at Austenland.
Now, compounded by the fact that Ms. Erstwhile was asking such questions—poking, prodding, clearly grasping at any possibility that what they had was real… He found that he was more tempted than ever to take the leap: to jump in and make sure she knew, beyond a shade of doubt, that he was genuine in his developing feelings for her.
"I'd have said no," he continued, only to pause once more. His eyes locked upon her face. He saw the pain upon her expression as she watched, disgustedly, at the pure passion Lady Heartwright and Captain East were expressing mere feet away. He supposed he shouldn't dare to assume, but he could feel the origin of her disgust: the public quality of their interlude, the remaining question of was any of this real, the desire to discover if what they had was real.
He was going to do it: he was going to say it.
This is real.
I'm real.
I'm here and ready to take the risk with you.
Do you believe me?
Can you believe me?
My—my heart beats for you.
I—I love you.
"Ms. Erstwhile?" he started. He took advantage of every second. She started to turn to face him. He took a deep breath. He gathered his courage.
"Yes?"
Her eyes met his. He melted at the sight of them: those chilling, pale grey-green orbs that could almost look right through him. The mix of emotions he saw there was just as startling as the eyes themselves: disgust at Heartwright and East, concern of surviving the game that was Austenland. But most importantly, he thought—hoped—that he could see his sentiment that what they had was real reflected there as well.
This was it: this was when he knew, beyond a shade of doubt, that he loved her.
But he looked at her, and he couldn't know if she, beyond a shade of a doubt, loved him. After what had happened to him… After what he had gone through… After all that had already happened at Austenland to make him utterly miserable…
He couldn't risk it. He couldn't risk pushing Ms. Erstwhile too far, too fast. He couldn't risk pushing himself too far, too fast.
"You're shivering," his mouth offered before he had even realized his mind had given it consent to speak.
And before he knew it, he had shed his coat and given it to her. She thanked him, but he was doing anything but thanking himself. She walked off, and he followed closely, never more frustrated with himself than he was in that moment.
A/N: Thank you for making it through my fic! If you liked this, make sure you check out the sequel, which is a continuation of the movie. In addition, if you really liked this, check my profile for a link to buy my young adult fantasy novel on Amazon! Thank you for any and all support!
