**This is purely self-indulgent. Expect a very crackish storyline with some serious moments. I just couldn't think of what I wanted to do for my other stories so I wrote this one.

Naruto x DXD. The most popular Naruto crossover on this website. And there is a surprising lack of quality ones that have all of the original team 7 in them.

This is heavily inspired by Team 7: DXD by Razuhfy and Naruto the Owner of Team 7's Mystery Shop by fairy tail dragon slayer.

Go check those out, they're awesome.**

DXD

Team 7 was gathered around a campfire. Sat on logs that surrounded the fire, they sat in companionable silence. Laying asleep very close to the campfire were nine small animals which had once been a source of fear for their entire world.

That didn't matter now though.

It had been like this for quite a while—nearly 70 years. Yet none of them looked like they'd aged even a day.

They would sit in silence, talk, spar, joke, and sit again.

The 4th great shinobi war had ended. Naruto and Sasuke had fought and reconciled. And then they deactivated the infinite Tsukuyomi.

Or, that was what was supposed to happen.

As they made the hand sign to deactivate the jutsu, everything went wrong.

The people cocooned by the God tree had every ounce of their chakra drained out of their unconscious bodies and siphoned into the nearest source of sentient chakra.

There were only 4 sources. That being the people who had managed to avoid getting captured.

Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi.

They were the last of the shinobi.

Everyone else had been drained of their chakra and killed.

Except for the Biju, of course.

The nine beasts around the campfire had been safely stored inside Naruto's belly by the time these events had happened.

But that had all been nearly 3 years ago. The team had already long since confronted and accepted the fact that the people they loved were dead. Well, Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi had. Sasuke still had everyone he loved alive, sans his brother of course.

He'd made sure of that.

Anyway, Team 7 simply roamed the dying planet, raiding all the empty hidden villages, and taking all their cool toys for themselves. The seven swords of the mist, the Scroll of sealing, the Sages tools, the Raijin no ken, the Jingou scroll, Clan secrets, everything the world had to offer was now theirs.

But it had no use, none of them wanted anything from them anymore. Kakashi had gotten the White Fang sword from his family home already. And he had gotten copies of all of Jiraiya's Icha Icha that had never been released.

Sasuke had emptied the Uchiha library and Orochimaru's hideouts. He knew every jutsu the Uchiha had ever collected, and every one Orochimaru had in his possession as well.

Sakura had read every medical text in the world. She had discovered all the known ways to perfect chakra control and then had gone even further.

Naruto had read everything in the Scroll of seals and had visited his home island, Uzushio. Now he was an idiot and a seal master.

But that could only hold them over for so long, 55 years to be exact. The last 15 years had been spent roaming the empty lands, looking for things that had perhaps never been discovered.

They'd found some things. They found out that people were living on the moon. They weren't friendly, though.

So they had to destroy the moon.

One solid punch from Sakura and the moon were blown to bits.

Some parts of it had fallen to the earth, but it wasn't nearly enough to destroy the planet.

At least, not immediately.

Destroying the moon wasn't very well thought out and the core of the planet had taken damage.

Naruto could feel it and told everyone with him.

The planet was dying.

It was slowly crumbling. And the core was slowly exploding.

But none of them were worried. They would probably be fine.

Probably.

DXD

"Come on, guys. Let's fight. I'm bored."

Naruto was so, so, very bored.

After some in-depth research(read: someone had bothered to try), it had been discovered that the cause for Naruto's unfortunate lack of educational capabilities was his clan.

Due to being hard-wired for sealing and because of their immense amounts of chakra, a majority of Uzumaki possessed dyslexia and ADHD.

To say Naruto was shocked when the seals he studied made total sense instead of looking like a pile of jargon would be an understatement.

That is beside the point, though. Due to his ADHD, this monotone way of living had been more of a living hell for Naruto than anyone else.

"No, Naruto. We fought yesterday and ended up accidentally destroying the Land of Mountains. We don't want to speed up the destruction of the planet any more than we already have." Sakura replied.

Naruto pouted at her response. Sakura sweatdropped at his childish response.

"We have to be careful, Naruto. Even if we can survive Earth's demise, we have nowhere else to go. We need the planet intact for as long as possible."

Naruto was a big fan of Seiken, the 6-tails. She was very nice and never made fun of him. Unlike a certain grouchy fox that he knew.

"Fine, I guess you're right." Naruto relented

As though insulted by the thought of staying intact, the earth began to violently shake and pieces of the earth around them could be seen collapsing in.

Sasuke and Kakashi subconsciously activated their Sharingan in response to the imminent danger.

Sakura's seal activated as the concentric lines spread across his body.

The tailed beasts all turned into whisps of chakra and flowed into Naruto. He felt a click within his chakra system and Naruto knew that he and Kurama's chakra had synced up once more.

"Oi, what the hell is that?!" Sasuke yelled, pointing up at the sky.

As team seven looked up, there was a crack in thin air that was actively widening before their eyes. It seemed to be the reason for the sudden apocalypse that was happening.

Watching in shock and caution as the crack opened up enough to fit a normal-sized human, team 7 was shocked at what emerged from it.

It was…a child?

A black-haired little girl donned in gothic clothing had floated through the crack in space and looked around before making eye contact with them.

"You. You are all strong. Very strong. You can make him leave my home."

The girl's voice contained no emotion. Not an ounce. She spoke as though she had never experienced a trivial thing such as emotions.

The team sweat dropped. Sasuke had a tick mark form on his head.

"Uhhh, pardon?" Kakashi asked.

"My name is Ophis, and you will help me regain my silence."

Before much more could be done, the team was swallowed by a portal similar to the one Ophis had emerged from before the girl disappeared once more, leaving the dying earth to its demise.

DXD

Kakashi had been having a worse time than usual for the last 6 years. Whatever that little girl, Ophis, had done had sent them somewhere separate from their universe. Kakashi knew this because he couldn't feel anyone near him who had chakra.

They had all landed in a place Kakashi had discovered was called Kuoh and everything seemed fine at first. Everyone was intact and no body parts were missing.

There was just one, tinny, problem.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura had become younger. Like, a lot younger.

And the Tailed beasts all had human forms, though they were luckily all adults, not children. It seemed as though they had taken on the general appearance of their previous Jinchuriki. Shukaku looked like Garra, except his hair was dirty blonde and he had eyebrows of the same color. Matatabi, Isobu, Son Goku, and Chomei all looked identical to their Jinchuricki albeit Son Goku looked substantially younger than Roshi. Kokuo and Saiken where girls. Kokuo was a very tall lady with stark white hair, startling grey eyes, and an exceptionally curvy figure. Saiken was nearly the exact opposite. She was short, about the same height Isobu currently was, and possessed the body of a girl who had barely begun going into puberty. She had dark gray hair that seemed to be perpetually messy and a resting bored face.

Anyway, Kakashi guessed the kids had been about 3 years old when they first showed up. And they had regressed in maturity as well. Kakashi could tell they still had their memories as they all had recognized him upon seeing him and they all seemed to have the same personalities as they had before their regression.

But Kakashi knew the whole situation would be troublesome when Naruto had happily called him "Kaka!" and seemed very proud of himself. Sasuke then promptly pushed Naruto over with his chubby hands while Sakura laughed hysterically at the situation.

And things had moved on from then. Using a few, slightly(very) illegal methods, Kakashi had managed to get them registered as actual existing humans in the country they had landed in. They had been registered as Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura Hatake, the 3 children of Kakashi Hatake.

Luckily, the people in Japan have a very similar language to that of the elemental nations.

Anyway, Kakashi got to work. He had gotten them a nice 3 story house to start with, stocked it full of essentials, and nonessentials then made a clone which he forced to handle the kids. Matatabi, Son Goku, Kokuo, and Gyuuki had voluntered to help said clone. Meanwhile, Shukaku, Isobu, Saiken, Chomei, Kurama, and Kakashi explored this world's possibilities.

They had never been happier. They had this thing called the internet and it had EVERYTHING. You could even access it from this little handy device they called a phone.

Kakashi had discovered something they called internet pornography. People used it to get off, but Kakashi just watched it for fun. It was like Icha Icha had been made a movie. It was truly heaven. And the women here were rather genetically fortunate. He also had to get a job to have a reason for all the money he had. That's where all the copies of Icha Icha he had stored came in. He had started reselling Jaraiya's work and it became a huge hit. The amount of money he made off those books was honestly absurd and he barely had to do anything.

Kurama, Shukaku, and Chomei had discovered Reddit. It had everything they could ever wish for. It had everything from corny dad jokes that Chomei adored, to gory torture sessions executed by the Mexican cartel the Kurama and Shukaku got a kick out of.

Isobu and Saiken had discovered video games, Discord, and Anime. They had chosen to share a room and had Kakashi manipulate some best buy employees to hand them an entire gaming setup for free, before wiping all evidence of them having existed. As far as everyone else would be concerned, those things had simply disappeared.

Following this, Isobu and Saiken rarely left their rooms. They spent days on end grinding Call of Duty, Overwatch, or League of Legends with people they met online. They spent hours upon hours binge-watching anime they found on Crunchyroll.

As for Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, they had slowly started to regain their blurry memories and had also begun training after they turned 5. With the memories of their time as Shinobi, the rate of growth was immense. By the time 6 years had passed, Kakashi guessed they were nearly back to their original strength.

And they had started going to normal, non-shinobi school. It had been a struggle at first. Explaining Sasuke's purple-ringed eyes were a genetic mutation and that Sakura's Strength of a Hundred seal and Naruto's whisker marks were simply strange birthmarks was a hassle.

But they had believed Kakashi. Things should have gone smoothly after that, right?

Wrong.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura constantly got in trouble. Naruto for pranking his teachers, Sasuke for bullying his fellow students, sans his siblings, and Sakura for her tendency to hit anything that annoyed her with a significant amount of force.

But, in general, the past 6 years had been going well.

Now, the 3 siblings were in 4th grade and had been forced to transfer schools for the 3rd time.

Hachinohe Elementary was Kakashi's last hope. If this school didn't work out, no school would be willing to accept the siblings until they were of middle school age. A year of having the 3 disasters at home all the time was something Kakashi wouldn't wish upon his worst enemy.

Well, all his worst enemies were long dead but that was beside the point.

Kakashi stood his children(wow that was still weird) infront of Hachinohe's gates as excited and scared children were ushered off by their parents to begin a new school year.

"Welp, here we are. This school isn't nearly as strict as any of the other schools you 3 have been to. So, you shouldn't get in too much trouble even if you do something pretty bad."

Some might say Kakshi should put more effort into correcting his kids' destructive behavior. Those guys could go fuck themselves.

The 3 had once been the strongest shinobi in their planet's history. And while they couldn't remember it anymore, Kakashi thought those accomplishments afforded them more leeway than other kids.

That leeway is no consequences for their actions unless it directly affected a member of their family.

They still had a general understanding of morals, although that wasn't Kakashi's doing. Kokuo did most of that.

Kokuo, unlike the sibling relationship the other Bijuu had with the trio, had become their mother. She was kind and caring by nature and her ability to heal them whenever they hurt each other was very beneficial. Her budding relationship with the hopelessly perverted Kakashi only buttressed that idea for the 3 kids.

Anyway, back to the children and their father who were standing at the schools gates, the 3 siblings had reacted differently to their father's words.

Naruto hadn't even heard what he'd said, he was busy bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet and seemed to be trying very hard to run through the gates.

Sasuke scoffed at Kakashi. He had one hand in his pocket and the other holding Naruto in place by the handle of the backpack.

Sakura blushed in embarrassment and nodded. She usually tried not to get in trouble and she was generally a good student. But she got angry really easily and when she did she liked to break stuff to calm down.

"Alrighty then, that's all I gotta say. You kids go have fun now." Kakashi said cheerfully

At his words, the 3 started to run toward the door through the now mostly empty school yard.

Well, Sakura and Naruto ran. Sasuke just let himself get pulled along by Naruto.

Before walking through the door, the 3 turned around and faced their father.

"Bye Dad!" the 3 yelled, waving.

Kakshi waved back and watched as his kids continued to run into the school.

He sighed in contentment. It had been odd at first, being the father of the kids who had once been his students. But it was surprisingly nice, having a family.

Kakashi turned around before pulling out his phone, on the screen was a 250 page doujinshi that Kakashi was only about ½ way through. Both his eyes squinted in happiness and his smiling, giggling face was hidden behind his mask.

Yep, life was good.

**AA: Yeah, ANOTHER new story. This will act as a side project that might turn into a main project if my muse doesn't come back for my other stories.

Anyway, this will be a crack fic treated seriously but the first few chappies will be mostly crack on fluff.

Do you guys like the personalities I built for everyone. Kurama and Shukaku on something like reddit 50/50 seems completely fitting for them. Isobu and Saiken being video game and anime addicts also seemed like the best option for them. Kokuo was the only one who I could really see being Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura's mother as I feel like Matatabi would be more like a sister.

And what about Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura? I really like what I did with them.

Naruto is a lot like his canon self except he has less of a penchant for being annoying and is more mischievous.(Still love canon Naruto though)

Sasuke would most definitely be a bully and I refuse to change that. He would most definitely rip into some kid for their haircut or what they were wearing. And it would be bad to, like running away in tears and not coming to school for a few days bad.

Sakura also hasn't changed much. She still hits things when they annoy her, except now she does it to Naruto with love. Oh, and her hits are significantly stronger. She keeps getting expelled cause she woun't stop breaking kids bones.

That's all I gotta say. I hope you enjoyed.

If you did, Please…

R&R

And have a nice day!