You Are Way More Than Sea Foam
Kyoko had a very bad feeling, and she'd been through more than enough in her life to not ignore such things. Sitting still wasn't in her nature, anyway. The problem was that the source of her bad feeling was nowhere to be found.
"Why are you so determined to find her?" Kyubey asked as Kyoko was scanning the streets down below for any magical activity with her binoculars.
"Because I want to," Kyoko replied without looking at him. It was a useless answer, but that served the little weasel right, for everything he'd kept hidden from her and the other magical girls.
Damn it, Sayaka, where the hell are you? she thought to herself.
It had only been a few days since the fight against Elsa Maria, and by all rights Sayaka should have been at home given the amount of energy she'd expended, but the girl was too stubborn for her own good. She'd even refused the Grief Seed, something that pissed Kyoko off almost as much as wasting food did. If she kept fighting like she was, her Soul Gem would surely corrupt entirely, and then…
"Not going to happen," Kyoko cut off her own thoughts through gritted teeth. She wanted to take a bite out of her protein bar, but realized she'd already finished it and impatiently reached for a new one.
"You'd probably find her quicker if you just went witch-hunting with your Soul Gem," Kyubey said idly.
"I don't really care about fighting any old witch or familiar right now. I'll deal with them after I've found Sayaka and beaten her face in for being such a pain," Kyoko said.
"She probably won't take kindly to your appearance, so it seems useless to me, but I can't stop you," Kyubey said.
Though his tone was neutral, Kyoko couldn't help but feel he was a bit annoyed, which again was oddly satisfying to her. She'd never completely trusted Kyubey in the first place, but she'd never had much of a problem with him either, until she and the others had discovered the truth about their Soul Gems and the nature of their powers as magical girls.
She hadn't been religious for a good while, certainly not since she'd lost her family, but somehow the idea of being nothing but a gem, while her body was just some disposable meat suit, still didn't sit right with her. Truthfully, she'd stopped believing even in souls a long time ago, but the recent revelations had made her somewhat fearful all over again, as much as she hated to admit it even to herself.
But more than her own soul, now she was worried about Sayaka's, and that's why she had to find her as soon as possible. This particular rooftop seemed to have exhausted its usefulness, however, so with one last, fruitless glance at the city below her, she made her way back down to head for a new vantage point.
It was still early in the evening, so there was plenty of time yet to find that idiot Sayaka. Who did she even think she was, with her high and mighty ideals? She couldn't even keep herself from crumbling, and she wanted to save the world? Ridiculous!
And yet, part of Kyoko sympathized with her, recognizing that if nothing else, she'd once been that idealistic too, before she found out the hard way that reality was far harsher. Justice was a lie, and now that rotten concept was going to bring down another person who'd done nothing to deserve it.
Kyoko's angry thoughts were pushed aside when her Soul Gem began to glow faintly. Judging by the faintness of the light, it was only a familiar, and ordinarily she would ignore it, but despite what she'd said to Kyubey earlier, she felt compelled to go and check it out on the off chance Sayaka would be tracking it as well. She was the stupidly noble type, after all.
Kyoko followed her Soul Gem's lead until it eventually led her into an alleyway, which began to warp and distort the further she went. She spotted movement from the corner of her eye and raised her spear — but before she could attack, someone else had already jumped in and sliced the familiar in half, causing the alleyway to return to normal when she landed.
Sayaka swung her sword like some kind of samurai to clear off the blood, then turned around, angrily flourishing her cape as she did so. Was she still trying to act cool even now? Idiot.
"I thought you didn't bother with familiars," Sayaka said. Her blue eyes were cold, and if Kyoko had been anyone else she'd probably have shivered at how unnatural the expression looked on her face.
As it was, she just got angry. "I wouldn't have to bother with them if I hadn't been looking for you, moron," she said.
She slowly walked towards Sayaka. "You can't keep fighting like this. You're going to get yourself killed."
Sayaka shrugged. "So what? It'll just prove that I suck at being a magical girl, just like I suck at being a student, being a friend, being a human…"
Her voice trailed off and she angrily shook her head. "If I die, that's fine, so go away. I don't need your pity."
"Is that how a hero should be talking? You were going to things differently, weren't you? You were going to show all of us how a real magical girl should be acting, how you were going to surpass even Mami, and who knows what other bullshit you've been spouting. The way you're going, all you're going to outdo her in is how messily you'll die!"
Kyoko felt a bit guilty at using Mami's death the way she was doing, but right now, the ends justified the means.
"What do you care?!" Sayaka exploded. "You tried to kill me when we first met, you wanted to fight me again afterwards, and now you suddenly want to save me? Make up your mind! What are you doing wasting your time on a lost cause like me?"
Again, the volume of her voice lowered as she spoke, and Kyoko hated how her tone went from brash and challenging to fragile and resigned.
"I don't waste my time with lost causes, so since I'm here talking to you, that means you're not a lost cause, got it?" she asked, jabbing her finger in Sayaka's direction to emphasize her words.
Sayaka seemed momentarily stunned, and then shook her head and said, "Whatever. Just...leave me alone. I've got work to do."
She stepped forward, intending to step past Kyoko, but Kyoko spread her arms wide to block her path.
"You're not going anywhere. That crazy girl can handle the city for one night, and you're going to rest up," she said.
"I'm not going home," Sayaka said, looking away as she did so.
"I never said anything about going home," Kyoko said, and for the first time that evening, she smiled faintly. "Let's go and grab something to eat, okay?"
Sayaka incredulously stared at her for a moment, narrowing her eyes as she seemed to be thinking hard about something.
"You don't have money, though, do you?" she asked eventually.
Now it was Kyoko's turn to look away. "No," she said a bit unwillingly. In her mind, 'going to grab something to eat' was a fairly literal description of the activity, and it doubled as an evening jog, to boot. Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes would obviously be against that, of course.
Sayaka sighed and then resignedly gestured with her head. "Come on, then. I'll pay for a burger. I doubt I'm going to get rid of you any other way…"
There were awkward silences, and then there were awkward silences. This was one of those latter cases. Kyoko had basically reached both her goals of the evening — finding Sayaka and getting something to eat without having to pay for it — and she honestly didn't really know how to begin the conversation now. What did she even want to say? She'd already told Sayaka her story and she'd been amazed at how natural that had felt, but it clearly hadn't been enough to get through to her. Somehow, she had another chance now, but for the life of her she didn't know what to say.
What she wanted to do was reach into her pocket, take out the Grief Seed Sayaka had given her after killing Elsa Maria, and tell Sayaka to purify her Soul Gem already and stop being an idiot, but despite being brash and sometimes impulsive, Kyoko was by no means stupid, and she knew that Sayaka was far too stubborn to accept something like that right now.
So, unwilling to let the silence become even more awkward than it already was, she said, "Talk to me."
Sayaka looked up from staring at her fries, at which she'd been looking as if they'd committed the gravest of crimes.
"About what?" she asked flatly.
Kyoko shrugged. "I don't know. Anything. I told you my story, after all, and before my father lost his marbles he often said that talking about a problem made it seem less bad." She shrugged again. "It...helped when I told my story to you, anyway."
She wasn't entirely sure why she'd admitted to that out loud, and she quickly began stuffing her face — which felt like it was suddenly on fire — with her own fries to hide the embarrassment.
Sayaka gave a non-committal grunt. "Not much to tell. I don't really have a tragic backstory like you, or Mami, or, I guess, Homura. I grew up in a normal family, with loving parents, and I've been friends with Madoka forever, at least until I screwed that up."
"Not everyone has to have a shit life, you know," Kyoko said with a roll of her eyes. "But fine, tell me about that boy, then. You made your wish for him, after all, didn't you?"
"I don't want to talk about him," Sayaka said with a clenched jaw. "I couldn't...inflict myself on him the way I am now, anyway. He deserves better than that. Besides, I...already lost my chance with him. It's better like this."
"Right, and I'm the Easter Bunny," Kyoko said. "Listen, you gave up your humanity for him. You might be an idiot, but I don't believe he'd find someone just as willing to give up their soul just so he can play his instrument again as you. He'd damn well better appreciate what you gave up."
"It's not like he knows, does he?" Sayaka asked. "And I'm not going to tell him, either. It's fine. As long as he's happy, I–"
"You're happy?" Kyoko interrupted. "Bullshit. Just because you found out you're a zombie doesn't mean you have to act like one, dammit."
"Do you know the Little Mermaid?" Sayaka asked.
Kyoko blinked, caught off guard by the sudden random question. "Uh, what? You mean the movie?" she asked.
Sayaka shook her head. "No, the original story. The mermaid wants to become a human and get a soul, so she gives up her voice and suffers intense pain in the feet she gains as part of her deal with the Sea Witch, all because she wants to be with the prince, but he doesn't care about her at all and intends to marry a girl he thinks saved him, even though it was the mermaid who did. And she can only go back to being a mermaid if she kills him, but she can't do it and dies instead, and her body becomes sea foam. But she does become some kind of spirit, and if she does enough good deeds for three hundred years she'll gain a soul and go to heaven."
She gave Kyoko a small smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I wonder, will I get my soul back if I do this work for three hundred years, or will I just end up as sea foam?"
"You are way more than sea foam," Kyoko said without thinking. "That prince didn't know what he had, just like that boy of yours doesn't know what he had. He's just not worth it."
Despite not even knowing the boy Sayaka had made her wish for, Kyoko felt an intense desire to go over to his house and beat him up for contributing to Sayaka's current state of mind.
"Then what is?" Sayaka asked softly, and Kyoko realized that she'd probably said the wrong thing.
Seeing her expression, Sayaka said, "I'm not mad. I disagree with you that Kyosuke wasn't worth it, but...I don't really know what is, anymore. I already pushed Madoka away. I can't stand Homura. Mami is dead. You...you somehow refuse to leave me alone, despite how much of a failure I am…"
She shook her head. "Even Kyubey said I'm weak, and he was right. I'm the worst magical girl ever…"
Kyoko could see the tears that were beginning to form in Sayaka's eyes and wanted nothing more than to reach out to her, but her hands stayed on her second burger, knowing that Sayaka probably wouldn't appreciate it anyway. Instead, she said, "You're not. Not by a long shot. You're a naive idiot, yes, but that witch you killed the other day, Elsa Maria, was tough. If you'd been weak you wouldn't have been able to do it. But if you're going to keep fighting witches, you have to purify your Soul Gem."
"I don't care. I don't want to anymore," Sayaka said. "I'll fight until I can't keep going, and then I'll die and I won't hold any of you back anymore."
"You're not holding me back!" Kyoko shouted, and people at nearby tables looked up at her outburst. "For fuck's sake, Sayaka! You– I– I haven't opened up to someone like I did to you in years. Seeing you...reminded me of what I used to feel. What I...what I still feel. I don't think anyone else could have done that, you know. So I don't care if you want to die, I don't want you to, and I doubt Madoka wants it, either." She gave a small smile. "No promises about Homura."
The corners of Sayaka's mouth twitched, but her expression darkened again almost immediately. Still, Kyoko counted the almost-smile as a victory. She wondered what Sayaka was thinking about the sudden outburst. She was probably surprised, at least. Hell, Kyoko herself was surprised about the things she'd said. Even more surprising, it was all true. In the short time she'd known her, Sayaka had had a tremendous influence on Kyoko, and admitting it had somehow made those feelings even stronger, to the point where Kyoko was beginning to wonder if she even saw Sayaka as just a fellow magical girl and friend, or...as something else. But no, that was stupid, wasn't it? She barely even knew her, for one, and Sayaka clearly had other preferences. Still, she was certain that no matter what, she wanted to keep Sayaka alive, even if Sayaka herself wasn't all that keen on it.
She looked at the tray on the table, which was now filled with empty wrappers, and one single fry left on her side of it. She reached out for it, but then stopped and said, "Wanna share the last one?"
Sayaka blinked, shaken from her own thoughts by Kyoko's question. To Kyoko's great surprise, she nodded slowly.
"Yeah. Sure."
Both of them reached for the middle of the fry, and when their fingertips touched, Kyoko felt a light shock going through her, but not in an unpleasant way.
Well, shit.
Kyoko raised her half of the fry in a sort of 'cheers' gesture and quickly ate it, while Sayaka just gave another almost-smile before following suit. For a moment, they sat in silence, and while it was still awkward, it was far better than it had been at the start of their conversation.
Then, unwillingly, Kyoko made to get up and said, "We should get some rest. So no witch-hunting, got it?"
Sayaka shook her head. "I'm not going home. I told my parents I was staying at Madoka's place tonight."
"Should a paragon of justice be lying like that?" Kyoko asked before she could stop herself.
No, you moron, don't say that!
Sayaka merely shrugged, however, and Kyoko breathed a sigh of relief.
Then, she had an idea. "Well then, you'll just have to come with me. Then I can keep an eye on you, too."
"Come with you? Do you even have a place to live or do you just break in somewhere? Because I'm not going to–"
"I have a place," Kyoko said, a bit annoyed at how quickly Sayaka jumped to conclusions. "Technically, it's not mine, but I'm allowed to use it, anyway. Mami helped me get it when...you know," she went on.
Sayaka seemed to be debating whether she believed it or not, so Kyoko sighed and dug up the key of her front door from her pocket.
"See? I've got a key and everything. Now come on, let's go."
Sayaka hesitated for a moment, and Kyoko was half-afraid she'd decline and just go back out to fight more witches, but then her resistance seemed to crumble and she said, "Fine. Lead the way, then."
It seemed to be the night of awkward silences. When Kyoko and Sayaka had arrived at the apartment, Kyoko had obviously offered Sayaka some snacks, so now they were once again sitting in silence, lost in their own thoughts and staring at the low table in front of the couch.
Kyoko was happy, at least, that Sayaka had consented to come with her, but there was still the issue of her Soul Gem. Ideally, the situation would be resolved before they went to sleep, but Kyoko was no closer to knowing how to broach the subject now than she'd been before.
It came as a bit of a surprise, therefore, when Sayaka said, "Thanks. For...I don't know...coming to find me, I guess." She looked up and looked at Kyoko before she went on, "I...I hate being alone. If you hadn't shown up, I'd have stayed out fighting all night long. I honestly intended to do that even after we left the burger place, but when you told me to come with you… I don't know, it...meant something to me. I don't know what, exactly, but something."
She laughed, and though it was humorless and a bit bitter, Kyoko was glad to hear it all the same. "What kind of crazy world do I live in where the guy I've grown up with doesn't even tell me when he gets out of the hospital, while a girl who was trying to kill me when we first met is now offering me snacks and trying to save my life?"
She fell silent for a moment, but Kyoko said nothing, waiting for Sayaka to continue.
"I don't think I could do it," Sayaka said eventually. "What you do, I mean. Using magic only for myself and not for others. I don't want to. I...I don't know why I even want to protect the world anymore, but I can't bring myself to turn my back on it completely, either. I can't live up to Mami's example, and I'm a terrible friend, but...I still want to protect Madoka...and...and I also want to...protect...you…"
She trailed off, and Kyoko realized that Sayaka was probably having the same sort of odd epiphany that she herself had had earlier that evening. Her heart pounded wildly, and she wondered idly why a zombie like her even needed a heartbeat to begin with.
"Well...we can always protect each other, right?" Kyoko said awkwardly. She wasn't used to being so open, but it didn't feel bad at all. "And Madoka too, I guess. I mean, I don't know her that well, but she seems nice."
"Madoka has that effect on people. They just want to protect her. I bet even that weirdo Homura would want to if she got to know her," Sayaka said. "I never thought someone would feel that way about me, though."
"Me neither," Kyoko said. "But!" she went on, holding up her finger and mildly startling Sayaka. "If we're going to protect each other, I can't have you dying on me. So…"
She pulled the Grief Seed out of her pocket and held it out to Sayaka.
"Purify your Soul Gem, and then it's a promise. I'll protect you, and you'll protect me, and you won't have to be alone."
"What about yo–"
Kyoko pulled out her own Soul Gem, interrupting Sayaka's question. It was bright red, with barely the faintest trace of black.
"All taken care of," she said with a smile.
She held out the Grief Seed to Sayaka, who reluctantly took it and tapped it against her worryingly dark Soul Gem. Like a dark cloud, the corruption was pulled into the Grief Seed, which seemed to turn an ever darker black in response, but Sayaka's Soul Gem had gone back to its deep blue color, and for the first time since the fight against Elsa Maria, Kyoko felt the tension going out of her body. Sayaka was safe for now, or at least as safe as a magical girl could be.
"I feel so much lighter," Sayaka said, a hint of amazement in her voice.
Kyoko grinned at her. "Well, duh. That black isn't just for show, you know. And it's the sort of thing you only really feel when it's suddenly all gone. Good to have you back, Little Mermaid."
Sayaka smiled and blushed a bit in embarrassment. "I guess it beats being sea foam."
She gave Kyoko a scrutinizing look.
"What?" Kyoko asked apprehensively.
"What kind of nickname should I give you, though? Little Red Fighting Hood? You don't have a hood, though…" Sayaka said.
Kyoko laughed. "We can't both be 'Little' either, can we?"
"Why not? We could make it some kind of naming scheme…"
"Kyubey could be 'Little Bastard', I guess," Kyoko conceded.
Sayaka nodded vehemently. "Definitely! Okay, I know Madoka isn't a magical girl, but she needs a name, too…"
Her train of thought was then interrupted by a huge yawn, and she said, "But I guess we can think of that some other time. So, uh...where do I sleep?"
Kyoko shrugged. "You take the bed. I'll take the couch. I've slept in worse places."
Sayaka immediately shook her head. "No way. What kind of hero would I be if I took your bed? You take the bed, I'll take the couch," she said.
"Like hell," Kyoko said bluntly. "You've barely been getting any sleep lately, so you need it more than I do. If you're that hellbent on me taking the bed, fine, but you're getting in it too. So, your choice, either we share, or I'm on the couch."
Sayaka's face turned crimson at the thought, and Kyoko wasn't quite hypocritical enough to ignore the burning in her own cheeks, but she wasn't going to back down on this. Sayaka was sleeping in the bed, period.
"We'll...share...then…" Sayaka said uncomfortably, and Kyoko briefly grinned at her before realizing just what she'd done: convince the girl she'd only just realized she had a crush on to sleep in the same bed as her.
How the hell did I end up in this situation?! she thought while she and Sayaka were getting ready for bed.
At least she had a spare toothbrush lying around, to prevent further awkwardness.
Soon, Kyoko and Sayaka lay in Kyoko's bed, which, while wide for a single bed, was still a single bed.
"Not a word about this to anyone, okay?" Sayaka asked.
"Obviously not," Kyoko replied.
"Good. Then...good night, I guess," Sayaka said.
"Yeah...good night," Kyoko replied, still wondering how her day had taken this particular turn.
"And...thank you, Kyoko… It honestly means a lot…" Sayaka whispered.
"You're not alone, Sayaka. You mean a lot to me, too," Kyoko replied. And for the first time since her family had died, Kyoko didn't hate being a magical girl.
Okay, I really wanted them to kiss, but it just didn't feel like the right moment yet. I also knew I had to finish this, because if I left it until later it would be doomed to never get posted, like all my oneshots I don't finish in one go. Of course, since this isn't canon you can assume that this takes place in one of the loops Homura resets in the end, but fuck it, I'm headcanoning these two being happy together, dammit. Anyway, feel free let me know what you think, and don't be afraid to get critical. I'm neither magical nor a girl, so I won't turn into a witch in despair if you don't like the fic.
