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Chapter 3

The cancer card

Tobias' POV

Two years ago, after Tris' fear landscape.

"You, okay?" I ask Tris, I reach out to touch her cheek. I feel the electricity between us, I know she does too. I can see it in her eyes.

I was so proud of her today, both as her boyfriend and as her trainer. I have trained dozens of Dauntless over the past two years. But never have I ever met a person like Tris, Beatrice. The fire in her eyes, her passion, her ability to be both tender and strong.

Her eyes grow with passion as my hand moves to cradle her head, running my fingers through her hair. I think of the Abnegation life she would have lived, if she hadn't come to Dauntless. Her gorgeous wavy hair wrapped up in a bun at all times. What a shame that would have been. She obviously made the right choice, she is too brave for them.

I smile like the hopeless man I am. Only she can bring out this part of me, the Tobias part of me out. I lean in, letting our lips crash against each other in a fit of passion. I have never wanted to be closer to a person than I want to right this very moment with Tris. My hand falls to her shoulders, pushing her offensive jacket off her shoulders. I'm stunned when I feel her body go stiff in my arms as her jacket falls to the floor. Her strong hands pushed my chest away from her, surprising and hurting me at the same time. I'm left stunned feeling foolish in my apartment, as I watch her cover her eyes with her hands.

"What's wrong?" I ask, needing to know what brought on this change. Maybe this was all in my head, maybe my wants and needs are stronger than hers. Anger rises in me as I see her shake her head, refusing to tell me what the hell is going on. . "Don't tell me it's nothing." I demand. No she doesn't get out of this that easily. I need to know. I reach out for her arm, grabbing ahold of it. Forcing her face to me. "Hey look at me." She finally lets her hands fall to her sides. Letting me see nothing but fear in her eyes. My jaw clenches, tightening at the sudden change in the environment.

"Sometimes I wonder what's in it for you. This. Whatever it is?" She stutters. Her words only confuse me more..

"What's in it for me?" I step back. What the hell? "You're an idiot Tris."

"I'm not an idiot. Which is why I know it's a little weird that from all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me." She says, "So if you're just looking for… You know…That." She finally gets out, her voice cracking towards the end showing the embarrassment she feels about talking about this. Are we talking about….

"What sex?" I burst out. The feeling of rejection falls over me. "You know, if that's all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I'd go to." I confess. It's true, does she not realize how many women offer themselves to me. To be with the almighty Four. But here I am, wanting her and only her.

"I think I better go now." She says, her voice filled with pain and hurt. Shit, maybe that wasn't the best thing to say to her. She can't leave, not like this.

"Tris please." I call out, but it's too late. She is already at the door, refusing to stop and listen and hear me out. I want to tell her I don't care about sex, that if I did need or want it I could have had it, but I choose not to. That it's her, only her I have ever felt this way for. My feet move forward wanting to reach her, touch her, make her understand. But I'm too late, she's already out the door and running down the hall.

"Let me go!" She screams out, her tone catching me by surprise. Did she think I would force myself on her? Maybe I was too forceful, too cruel, too….

My feet stop moving when I reach the door, my hand falling on the knob, I'm frozen in place. She's scared of me? ""I'm sorry.:" I whisper, wishing she would hear me. Wishing she would come back and give me a chance to explain. But she '. She doesn't even give me a second glance. I close the door softly, heartbroken and feeling foolish.


That night

I enter the familiar dark room, not bothering to turn on the lights. I place the wooden box on the table next to the computer again not bothering to turn that on. I open the box, staring at the syringe.

My thoughts go back to Tris and this afternoon, what a mess I have made of things. How could she think that I would just want her for…That? I need to know, I need help to know how to fix this. I lift the needle to my neck and push the plunger in. The cold liquid immediately dispenses into my veins. I take a deep breath as I place the empty syringe back in the box. I feel myself beginning to slip away into the world that awaits me. That holds my worst fears.

I watch as the dark room transforms into the highest spot in the city. I stand hopelessly on the cable wire that connects two buildings together. The cable that only the Dauntless dare to ride on once a year, testing just how courageous they truly are.

My body shakes like it has done thousands of times before tonight. I stand, unbalanced looking at both my options. I can try and make it off this cable, walking to the closest building to me. Or just give in and jump… Not one option is better than the other. I take a deep breath, trying to steady my breathing. I close my eyes, feeling my body fight for any balance it can find. I let go, feeling the world around me pass me by as I fall. Damn I hate the feeling of falling.

My body crashes to the floor, and just like all the other times I open my eyes to find myself in a fucking box. Damn claustrophobia. Fucking Marcus. I try to fight against the walls. Standing up, trying to find a way to stop the walls from closing in on me. To jam them. But there is nothing. I try to remember what helped me last time I went through this with Tris. It was so much easier with her, so much faster to have her by my side. Her words made no sense, but something about her tone, and her body so close… It comforted me. I shut my eyes, trying to imagine her once again here with me. By my side.

It works, the walls disappear as I am able to straighten up. Only confusion has taken me. I look around the gray concrete house. This is normally my fourth fear. The fear of being trapped in this house again with marcus. But if this is now my third fear then that means… My fears have changed?

I hear his footsteps approach me from behind, I turn feeling the same fear trying to overwhelm me. I turn to see the anger in his eyes, the same clenched jaw I share with him. In his hand is the same belt that I have seen millions of times growing up.

"Tobias." He says, his voice full of anger. "This is for your own good." He tries to say, only I no longer shrink in fear. I think about the last time I was here, his belt didn't touch me. But it touched Tris. I stop his advances taking a swing at my father like I did that day. It's one thing to go after me, but not her. No he won't touch her.

The room converts once more into another surrounding. I'm taken by surprise when I am in no other than my apartment. I look around, dreading whatever is next. This fear is new. I see Tris and a version of myself emerge from the main doors. Tris is upset, clearly as she throws a bag on the couch. She stops midway turning around, full force.

"How dare you speak that way to me?" She says, outraged.

"How dare I?" I challenge her. Without so much of a second thought I charge towards her, back handing her to the ground. "Who do you think you are?" I say, not waiting for a response from her before I cowardly kick her in the stomach. I hear the pain in her cries.

I clench my jaw tightly, as my hands ball up into fists. What the fuck is wrong with him? Me? This can't be. No, I would never hurt Tris.

"Stop. Please." Tris begs the other me. But the other me refuses to stop. As he bends over grabbing Tris' hair and yanking her to her feet.

"Stop?" She demands. "Stop," He yells, before taking another swing at her. This time Tris is ready for it, she blocks it with her arm almost too weakly.

"Please." She says, once more. "That's it. I can't do this anymore." She says, desperately trying to get out of his hold. She makes her way to the door, trying desperately to be faster. But she isn't and he catches up to her like nothing. Grabbing the top of her arms, he shakes her violently.

"And where do you think you are going? Ugh. Do you think you can just leave me?" He says, suddenly coming to his senses, he stops shaking her, but keeps his hold on her until he comes to the realization of what he must do. "If I can't have you, no one will."He says, his voice sounding more like Marcus than mine, before he throws Tris out the window and to her death.

"Fucking Bitch." I spit out, as if she was nothing but trash that had to be thrown out.

The scene before me transforms into the dark fear landscape room. I fall on my hands and knees, wiping the tears from my eyes. I haven't cried in so long. But Tris, how could I have? One thing is for sure, that could never happen. I could never do that to her. To watch the flames in her eyes go out because of me. No. I have to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen. Even if it means I'm not with her.


6 Months later

The crowd is heavy on the pit floor. The air stinks of nothing but alcohol that seems to be passed around. It's ridiculous the way the Dauntless celebrates the dead. Ridiculous to see something that seems so tragic to me, be so honorable to those around me.

My eyes fall on the group that is left from last year's initiates. It wasn't long ago that they stood in this very spot for another initiate of their own, Al. Al was a coward, nothing like Will. He along with two other of their co-initiates bullied and terrorized one of their own…For the sake of ranks.

But tonight, we are here to honor Will. Will, who to me always seemed like a stand up guy. He and Christina, another former initiate, hit it off from the start. I could tell long before they could that there was something between them. Something special. I envied it, I'll be honest. Envied their freedom to explore their feelings for one another.

I glance at Christina now, her eyes are swollen from the heartbreak. Uriah and Marlene both have their arms around her, supporting her weight as her body shakes and her eyes continue to cry. Her hand covering her mouth, muffling her cries.

"Quiet down everyone." Eric calls out, banging the gong. The room immediately responds by quieting down. You can actually hear a pin drop as if that could be possible with this crowd. Eric of course is pleased with all eyes on him as he begins, "Thank you. We are here, because as you all know Will Parkerson passed away yesterday. And with much investigation it has come to the conclusion that his death was a tragic accident. As you all know, here in Dauntless we do not mourn the dead, but instead we honor those that leave us behind. For those are the bravest of us all, seeing that they are venturing out into the beyond and the darkness. Will may not have been a member for long, but we can assure you that he was and still is one of the bravest."

The room breaks into a cheer, as more alcohol is passed around. Christina willingly takes a bottle already half empty and downs it as quickly as she can. I can see her desperation to want to block the rest of the world out.

I spot Tris quickly, as she is the only one standing still. She refuses the bottles that pass around to her, her eyes swollen with grief and guilt. She walks up to Christina carefully, I may not be able to hear everything that is being said. But I can assume Tris is attempting to apologize. Only Christina wiggles her finger at Tris accusingly, just before she takes a swing at Tris slapping her across the face. Tris' hand flies to her cheek, surprised by her friend's action. Christina struggles to walk away, obviously needing some space between her and the person responsible for Will's death.

I walk slowly down a hallway, not in a hurry to get really anywhere. I am not scheduled for work tomorrow and let's face it, my apartment isn't a home. It's just a place to sleep. At one point I did think of making the place a home, a place for Tris and I to make our own. But that could never happen now. No, I can never let that happen.

A bundle of slurring words from down ahead of me, snaps me out of my thoughts. I guess I'm not the only one walking around, not really wanting to sleep tonight. But the words that are being said alerts me to it being much more than that. My feet speed up a little more, wanting to get a closer look at what exactly is going on.

That's when I see them, Christina practically leaning against a strange man. Her body is limp and tired as she can't even support herself. Obviously drunk after the night she has had. Her words come out slurred, almost like another language entirely. Where is Uriah and Marlene? Why aren't they with her? Helping her?

My feet move faster, approaching them. The man comes into view, he is tall, but not muscular in any way. "Hey," I called out, getting their attention. Christina struggles to look my way, as the man turns easily towards me.

"Hey, what?" He says, trying to portray his voice to be tougher than what it is.

"What the hell is going on?" I demand.

"Mind your own business." The man says, trying to wave me off. But I'm not budging, I'm not going anywhere.

"Christina. Christina it's Four," I say, reaching out for her and ignoring the idiot all together.

"Four?" She asks, reaching for me. Her face is questioning, as if she isn't trusting her own eyes.

"Yeah. Hey, I'm here," I say, taking her right elbow. At this point it's like a Christina sandwich, the man is holding her one side, as I hold on to the other. Her face turns back and forth unsure of herself.

"Man, get your own female." The douchebag says.

"Fuck off!" I say, taking the other arm that he holds, I turn her body towards me. "Hey, do you know where you are? Do you want to be here?" I ask. I can see her face shrink, shaking her head, no. Okay thats all I need to know. "Come on, I'll take you home."

The douchebag is smart enough to actually let go of her arm without a fight as he mutters something under his breath, turns and walks away. I think about reporting him to Max in the morning. Dauntless is a lot of things, but we aren't about this. We respect women, at least most of us do. I bend over, supporting Christina's back with my right arm as I scoop her legs up with my left. Her face turns a shade of green, I swear I do everything I can trying to avoid the inevitable But I fail, feeling the disgusting warm chunky vomit run down my back. Fucking perfect.


A/N

I know many of you have so many questions... I promise with time all will be answered.

Until then, keep reading and reviewing… We will keep writing.

Revised by: FDFobsessed

Like always, happy reading everyone, be safe and stay healthy,

Trini