A Floating Life
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
Fate
"Bella." Jacob said cautiously.
She heard the change in his voice. She looked up, still breathing heavily, her eyes confused.
"Jake, how did you – "
"I don't know." Jacob admitted, his gaze fixed on her protruding belly. The skin was now perfectly creamy and smooth, tinged with a faint pink that made it look like it was glowing with health.
"I told you I believed in magic, Jacob, didn't I?" Bella gasped, half laughing, half crying. Tears were running down the concave of her cheeks as her eyes fixed on him like he was some miracle worker. "And here you are -working yours!"
"This is not magic!" Jacob snapped. "I don't know what happened, but it definitely had nothing to do with me! Maybe it's the placebo effect!"
Bella frowned. She raised one hand and touched the place where his eyebrows were mashing together. Her fingers smoothed his forehead for a moment while she tried to make sense of it.
"I don't pretend to understand what happened, either, Jacob. What I do know – what I've always known – is that you've got the ability to heal people. You were like my own personal sun when Edward left, you balanced the clouds nicely, pulling me out of my depression just by being yourself. Maybe you're utilizing that same ability now, but healing me in a different way. It makes sense, don't you think?"
"Only to you!" Jacob snapped. "To me it makes no sense at all!"
Bella recoiled under the force of his fury, but he wasn't done yet. He was sick of sugarcoating his reaction purely for her benefit. Imprint or not, he was going to fucking have his say and be damned.
"Listen to me, that thing inside you will be the death of you. Deep down inside you know that any child of his will be a killer." When he saw her face pale, he sighed. "You know it's true, it's in their very nature."
Bella shook her head in denial, cradling her oversized bump protectively.
"No, Jacob, if you think I'm going to kill my baby and replace him with some generic substitute, well I won't do it! No, hell, not even if it was with yours!" She was mad now, the color rising in her cheeks as she yelled at him. Her eyes were wet with tears as she turned her head aside, refusing to look at him anymore. "All life is precious, Jacob. Even this one." Her hand traced across her belly as she mumbled the last part.
Bella's words stung, lacerating an already festering wound. She wouldn't even think twice about having his baby instead, even though he hadn't verbally offered, she must have known how much her refusal would hurt him.
They sat knee deep in silence after their terse exchange. The faucet dripped continuously into the sink in the Cullens immaculate kitchen, each one reverberating around the room like a cymbal, yet no-one blinked or moved to stop it. Outside even the sound of birdsong was muted.
"I know what you're trying to do, Jacob." Bella was the first one to speak. "And I understand, I do. There isn't much you wouldn't do for me, I know that. I don't deserve you – I know that, too."
"Whatever I say isn't going to make any difference, is it?"
"Not this time." Bella sighed. "I wish I could explain it to you right so that you could understand. I can't hurt him" – she pointed her to stomach – "anymore than I could pick up a gun and shoot you. I love hm."
"Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?"
"I don't think I do."
Jacob cleared the lump out of his throat so that he could make his voice hard like he wanted it. "Trust me – you damn well do!"
He started to get to his feet.
Bella immediately began to panic, her hands reaching out to grab him before he could leave. "Where are you going?"
"I'm not doing any good here."
Her thin hands remained held out in front of her, pleading. "Don't go. I need you, Jacob. I need you here."
Jacob could feel the addiction – or rather the imprint pull – sucking at him, trying to keep him near her.
"I don't belong here, Bella. And you don't need me, not when you've got your leech family to look after you. I've got to get back."
More tears wet her thick eyelashes, she blinked them away, gazing up at him forlornly. "Was it only the imprint that made you come here today?" She asked in a small voice, still reaching limply. "Was there no other reason?"
"No." Jacob retorted harshly, even though it killed him to lie, he kept his voice and face hard. "I just wanted to check you were really alive. I didn't believe you were sick like Charlie said. As I already told you, my life is tied to yours. Once you die, so do I. If my time is limited, I want to spend it with those I really love."
Bella flinched, the remaining color draining from her face again, making her skin look almost transparent. "Of course. You're right. You should go."
Jacob headed for the door, feeling dejected in both heart and mind, knowing that because he was so easily able to go, that Bella had shut him out, pushing him away because of what he had said. Still, he couldn't take his words back, even if he hadn't meant any of them.
"Bye." She whispered from behind him, breaking him just a little more. "Love you, Jake."
Jacob almost went back. He almost turned around and fell down on his knees and started begging again. But he knew that he had to quit Bella, quit her cold turkey, before he ended up spending his last days in the vampire crypt. No, he would rather spend his last days with his family, his pack, not imprisoned in the cold mansion with his mortal enemy.
"Sure, sure." He muttered on his way out.
Jacob didn't see any of the vampires on the way. He ignored his bike, standing all alone in the middle of the meadow. It wasn't fast enough for him now. His dad would be freaked out – Sam, too. What would the pack make of the fact that they hadn't heard him phase? Would they think the Cullens got to him before he'd had the chance? He stripped down, not caring who might be watching, and started running. He blurred into a wolf mid-stride.
They were waiting. Of course, they were.
Jacob, Jake, eight voices chorused their relief.
Come home now, the Alpha voice ordered. Sam was furious.
Jacob felt Paul fade out, and knew Billy and Rachel were waiting to hear what had happened to him. Paul was too anxious to give them the good news that he wasn't vampire chow to listen to the whole story.
He didn't have to tell the rest of the pack he was on his way- they could see the forest blurring past as he sprinted for home. He didn't have to tell them he was half past crazy, either. The sickness in his head was obvious.
They saw all the horror – Bella's mottled stomach; her raspy voice: he's strong, that's all; the burning man in Edward's face: watching her sicken and waste away….seeing it hurt her; Rosalie crouched over Bella's limp body: Bella's life means nothing to her; him touching Bella's swollen stomach, the bruises the fetus had inflicted on her fading, her mottled skin healing; his own bitter voice: You've forgotten one of the golden rules of imprinting. Nothing else matters. You do anything, be anything for her. You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, a lover, or a friend – and for once no one had anything to say.
Their shock was just a silent shout in Jacob's head. Wordless.
He was halfway home before anyone recovered. Then they all started to meet him.
It was almost dark – the clouds covered the sunset completely. Jacob risked darting across the freeway and made it without being seen. He met up with the pack about ten miles out of La Push in a clearing left by loggers. It was out of the way, wedged between two spurs of the mountain, where no one would see them. Paul found them at the same time Jacob did, so the pack was complete.
The babble inside his head was total chaos. Everyone shouting at once.
Sam's hackles were sticking straight up, and he was growling in an unbroken stream as he paced back and forth around the top of the ring. Paul and Jared moved like shadows behind him, their ears flat against the sides of their head. The whole circle was agitated, on their feet and snarling in low bursts.
At first their anger was undefined, and Jacob thought he was in for it. He was too messed up to care about that. They could do whatever they wanted to him for circumnavigating orders. He didn't have long left anyway.
And then the unfocused confusion of thoughts began to move together.
How can this be? What does this mean?
Not safe. Not right. Dangerous.
Unnatural. Monstrous. An abomination.
We can't allow it.
He imprinted on the leech lover? Not possible!
We would have known.
The pack was pacing in synchronization now, thinking in synchronization, all but Jacob and one other. He sat by whichever brother it was, too dazed and upset to look over with his either his eyes or his mind and see who was next to him, while the pack circled around them.
The treaty does not cover this.
This puts everyone in danger.
Jacob tried to understand the spiraling voices, tried to follow the curling pathway the thoughts made to see where they were leading, but it wasn't making sense. The pictures in their thoughts were his pictures – the very worst of them Bella's bruises, Edward's face as he burned.
They fear it, too.
But they won't do anything about it.
Protecting Bella Swan.
She's Jacob's imprint.
We can't let this influence us.
The safety of our families, of everyone here, is more important than one human.
But she's Jacob's imprint!
If they won't kill it, we have to.
You can't! Bella is Jacob's imprint. If you hurt her. You hurt him!
Jacob shook his head, rising slowly to his feet. He felt unsteady there, like the circling wolves were making him dizzy. The wolf beside him got up, too. His shoulder pushed against Jacob's, propping him up.
Protect the tribe.
Protect our families.
We have to kill it before its too late.
Another of Jacob's memories, Edward's words this time: The thing is growing. Swiftly.
Jacob struggled to focus, to pick out individual voices.
No time to waste, Jared thought.
It will mean a fight, Quil cautioned. A bad one.
We're ready, Paul insisted.
If we catch them divided, we can take them down separately, Jared thought, starting to strategize now.
The threats toward Bella's wellbeing brought out the protective urge within Jacob. He felt the imprint pull overwhelm his reason, making him growl menacingly at his brothers.
She is Jacob's imprint! We can do nothing! Embry warned loudly, his thoughts rising above the others. We do anything to hurt her, we hurt him. We cannot risk it. Sam?
It was in that instant that Jacob realized that it was Embry's wolf who had been propping him up this whole time.
This is not something our treaty anticipated. Sam spoke for the first time. This is a danger to every human in this area. We don't know what kind of creature the Cullens have bred, but we know it is strong and fast growing. And it will be too young to follow any treaty. Remember the newborn vampires we fought? Wild, violent, beyond the reach of reason or restraint. Imagine one like that, protected by the Cullens.
We don't know – Embry tried to interrupt, feeling as he did, Jacob's will beginning to break.
"We don't know, Sam agreed. And we can't take chances with the unknown in this case. If an imprint wasn't involved, I would absolutely take action right away as we cannot be absolutely sure that the Cullens can be trusted to contain this thing.
They don't like it anymore than we do, Jacob panted, he was barely holding it together. His legs were shaking with the effort to remain standing. Something was wrong with Bella; he could feel it. The desperate urge to return to her side beat at his subconscious, dragging him down. Sam was aware of it, just like the others.
Jake, buddy, Quil sympathized. I'm so sorry.
I can't hold on, Sam. I have to – to go. I can't stay. I must go. Jacob gasped. Something is wrong with Bella.
This is crazy. Paul piped up. We need to kill it before it kills us. The leech lover is dying anyway. We'll just shorten the process.
That did it. Jacob leapt away from Embry, toward Paul, with his teeth bared. He was about to sink his sharp teeth into the silver wolf's hind leg when he felt Sam's teeth cut into his flank, dragging him back.
Jacob howled his pain and fury and turned on his leader.
Stop! Sam ordered in the double timbre of the Alpha.
Jacob's legs began to buckle under him. He jerked to a halt, only managing to keep on his feet through sheer willpower.
Sam turned his severe gaze onto a chastened Paul. You will not be cruel to him, Paul. He commanded. Bella is Jacob's imprint. Whatever happens to her affects him. To hurt a wolf's imprint in any way is against everything we stand for. To make an exception to that code is a bleak thing, as well as the fact that we know what this outcome could mean for our brother. I refuse to make that call. For now, we watch and wait, keeping our distance until the pivotal moment. Do I make myself clear?
The pack rumbled in nervous agreement. The tension had everyone's fur standing on end. The pacing was quicker, and the sound of the paws against the brackish floor was sharper, toenails tearing into the soil. Jacob knew that Sam had given him a much-needed reprieve. He saw understanding and pity in the Black's wolf's eyes. He, more than anyone, understood Jacob's dilemma.
I must go, Sam. I can't hold on. Jacob's voice was barely a whisper.
Then go. Sam said, releasing him from the Alpha command. Stay safe, Jacob. And keep in touch. Don't worry about Billy or Rachel. We'll be looking out for them. Concentrate on your own wellbeing for now, and know that we will be thinking of you.
Jacob butted his head gratefully against Sam's side, then fluidly turned on his tail, heading back the way he had come – back to the Cullens, back to Bella, back to whatever fate awaited him.
A/N-thanks for reading!
