September had turned to October and yet, despite the weeks gone by, Matthew still wondered what he was still doing here. Downton certainly had its charms, but he just didn't belong and everyone knew it. Lady Mary certainly knew it.
Every meeting with the family left Matthew drained. Drained from the illusion of family bonds and the false niceties, the unspoken rules and strict etiquette expected of a simple family dinner. Every meal was a test of him and his mother. Every meal was full of silent estimations of his character from Lord Grantham, looks of displeasure from Lady Grantham and Dowager Countess, and slight smiles of amusement at their predicament from Lady Sybil. Even though the estimations were favorable, the displeasure lessening, and the amusement in good heart, it didn't make the general pleasantries any less fake. The only thing that felt real at times was Lady Mary's open hostilities.
Every evening he returned to Crawley House simultaneously worn from the pretense and yet somehow invigorated by the disagreement. The bland small talk turned lively through cutting barbs and challenges of wit meant to make him stumble. It infuriated him. It intrigued him. It made him lie awake each night thinking of cold, coffee colored eyes and a bitter, beautiful woman. A woman determined to tell him he was a peasant, a thief, a sea monster. He was not one of them.
Lady Mary was everything Matthew expected of Downton and yet, despite her showing just how clearly he was unwanted and didn't belong, it also frustratingly drew him closer. It drove him mad and he would like to think he would have left long ago if it was only her who treated him with such open sincerely, but she wasn't.
Lady Edith had reached out her hand the moment they arrived and hadn't taken it back since, despite the clear divide it created between her and some of her family. She was the first to welcome them. The first to introduce them to the village and take care to point out different places and people of interest to them. The first to care and learn what their interests were. Lady Edith Crawley was a warm ray of sunshine in their new world of traditional English grey weather.
Mother pointed out Edith's many attempts to smooth over conflicts and ease their way into the family after every meeting, praising her in ways Matthew only remembered her doing with a few people. It made him feel at once profoundly grateful but also frustratingly indebted. Other than a potentially more harmonious home, she gained nothing by helping them belong. There was nothing Matthew could give her or do for her personally in repayment for her kindness that he wouldn't do already. At least, not directly.
Lady Edith cared about them, but more than that she cared for Downton. Matthew only first noticed the charms of the rolling hills, lush forests, and quaint town through her caramel eyes. The devotion she felt for it was clear in every sentence, every action. He still didn't understand why, but if all he could do to repay her was take the meetings he had with Lord Grantham seriously, he would. For her, if nothing else.
The meetings in the study were somewhat bearable. Going over record books and tenancy contracts felt like an extension of his job. Something where he could turn his mind off and pretend he was called in to aid the conveyancing of the estate instead of being the benefactor himself.
It all seemed much more complicated than necessary to Matthew, not that Lord Grantham let him delve too deeply into the books themselves. Every in depth question was hand waved as unnecessary business for the estate agent. Most tenancy contracts were dated long before present day, some even before Matthew was born, but his concerns were dismissed with promises of "don't worry, his father and grandfather were tenants" or "their family has had it hard the last couple of years". What contracts had been rearranged verbally but not on paper was not something Matthew had any idea of, no matter how many meetings they had together to "teach" him the running of the estate. He wasn't even allowed to truly study the finances of this traditional, legal nightmare.
Matthew initially thought that it was because Grantham thought of him as an outsider despite his claims otherwise. However, it soon became apparent that Lord Grantham had this mindset with nearly everyone except his lawyer and accountant. Even Edith, despite prior claims otherwise, was largely barred from anything of importance. Every suggestion or question Matthew had was met with a laugh, a comment about how similar the two were, and no answer of any substance. It was rather shocking to find out over dinner from Edith herself that what little he received as a male, outsider with no interest in the estate was more than she ever received from her father. Maybe that's why Matthew found himself returning to the Downton study frustrating Saturday after Saturday to scrap together what little information he could. If he could gather enough information to give her, could pitch her ideas for the estate to her father, maybe he could stop feeling like he owed her something. Still, Matthew would take any number of maddening mornings in the study before he did this again.
A grey, wet October day was apparently the ideal time for Lord Grantham to give his new heir a tour of the estate grounds. So now Matthew had been stomping behind him and his dog, Isis, for the better part of two hours in borrowed boots, trying to pretend he wouldn't rather have a cup of tea and a good book back at the house.
"To the North are the pastures of the Blacks." Lord Grantham said, happily climbing about the rocky, muddy hill to gesture out at his kingdom. "Most of the land surrounding the house grounds we keep forest for hunting, but in ninety-nine Daniel Black, the current tenant's father, ran into some trouble. Well, one could say luck I suppose. Regardless, he asked if he could expand and I didn't see an issue since the land was not good for much hunting. I think it was amended in his contract? I can't remember. To the Northeast-"
Matthew looked down the hill to the house as the other man spoke. From a distance, it just looked like a block of greystone in a brown field. Nothing of any importance. Nothing that could change his entire future. How long until all this work was his. The land itself was a hassle, and the house as well? What was he supposed to do with it all? Why couldn't they give it to Mary? Or Edith for that matter? He would accept that possibility with grace, with pleasure even. Anything to get him out of this.
"You don't love the place yet." Matthew didn't know how long he had spent staring at Downton when Lord Grantham stepped beside him.
"Well, obviously, it's-" Matthew struggled, ripping his eyes away from Downton only to be cut off by its owner.
"No, you don't love it," Lord Grantham said. "You see a million bricks that may crumble, a thousand gutters that may block and leak, and stone that will crack in the frost."
"But you don't?"
"I see my life's work," Lord Grantham turned and began to walk down the hill, Isis and then Matthew on his heels.
"Was it ever in danger?" From more than just him, Matthew thought.
"Many times," the Earl chuckled. "It's my dear Papa who thought the balloon would go up in the eighteen eighties."
"What saved it?"
"Cora."
"What?"
"It's hardly a secret," Grantham smiled sadly. "I was a foolish young man, desperate to save my home and willing to do anything for that end. Even marry an American heiress for her money."
"I- I didn't know. You two seem so… happy."
"And we are, now. God granted me the best wife I could dream of, but even love can't always change the past. It's a dishonor I will forever have done to her, no matter how much people of our class will generally accept that sort of arrangement."
"So, it's normal then? Marrying for status or money is just the done thing?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is. It's why-" Grantham stopped and turned to him. "Matthew, let's not pretend we both don't know about what my wife wants, for you and Mary."
"Yes," Matthew coughed awkwardly. "I have been made aware."
"You must understand, among our class, it isn't just accepted. Such a marriage is the expected, the right thing to do. Whether it was you or… or another, it would be expected in our circle that you would marry one of my daughters."
"And that was the case with Patrick Crawley and Lady Mary?"
"Yes," Lord Robert leaned back on his heels, looking back at Downton. "Did Edith tell you about that? A terrible affair."
"She didn't tell me much. Just that the whole house expected them to marry like they do now with me."
"Yes, the whole house." The man sighed, looking down with sad blue eyes and furrowed brows. "It was our fault, my fault. I said my whole life I wanted my daughters to marry for more important reasons than I did, better reasons. And yet, when the time came, I encouraged a material match over my girl's happiness."
"But, your marriage turned out alright."
"Ha, that's what Cora says," Robert barked a sad laugh. "But I don't think it would have happened. Patrick and Mary were… different. Oil and water in ways that no one really understood. Well, no one but Edith."
"Edith?"
"She opposed the marriage from the start."
"She did?"
"Yes, it was the source of many conflicts. Still is, I'm afraid. In truth, I'm just as ashamed of how I treated Edith as I am for how I treated Mary and Patrick. She wanted them to marry for better reasons than status or because it was the done thing. We all just assumed it was jealousy."
"Jealousy? Over what? Downton?" Matthew had a hard time imagining such a thing with the girl he saw Edith to be. But for Downton, perhaps she would.
"No, it was worse. We assumed it was over Patrick."
"Oh," Matthew hesitated. That made little sense to him, but he hardly knew anything about the last heir. "But it wasn't?"
"She says she didn't, and that is enough for me. I won't doubt her again, not over matters of her own heart… Now, come!" Robert said, turning to tramp on down the muddy hill. "We still have much to see, and only so much time till dinner. We'll go see some of the tenant's cottages next. To the South."
From that day, Matthew felt as though a breakthrough had been made between him and Lord Grantham. Now three members of the upper class Crawley's acted and spoke with true sincerity, and the scales were tipped from dismissive to kind. Robert was much more inclined to listen to him as well, and slowly the frustrating study sessions became something more enjoyable.
While Robert still largely refused to let him update any old contracts or agreements for tradition's sake, Matthew was able to get him to invest further into property to bring in tenants that would be held to better contracts. Hopefully, in time, Robert would see the benefits of this over the faulty verbal agreements. If nothing else, it seemed to make Lady Edith happy.
"I really must thank you," Edith said, walking him to the door. Out of all the ladies, she seemed to be the only one, even over Lady Grantham, who took note of when Matthew would be at Downton. She was the one to offer tea, ask about his work, or, as it was now, see him to the door. "You have made Father change more in a month than I have seen him do in many years."
"It's hardly that special. Anyone could have done it," Matthew stopped, looking at the woman at his side. "Well, anyone in my position could have done it."
"But they didn't," Edith retorted. Her whole face softened in a warm smile, eyes shining with joy as they often did when they discussed plans for the estate. "You did. Patrick never took the initiative you do, and he grew up in Downton."
"Maybe it is because I am an outsider that I want to change it."
"Then it is truly good you were once an outsider. I look forward to seeing what else you will encourage my father to do."
"I'm sure you have some ideas about that."
"Oh, I do. But we can talk about it later. Are you sure you won't stay for dinner?"
"No. My mother is expecting me."
"Well, you both are welcome if you change your minds. Thomas," Edith turned and called to the footman. Matthew nearly jumped, still not expecting people to just be lingering silently around corners waiting to be summoned.
"Yes, my lady," the dower young man entoned, glancing distastefully at him.
"Please fetch Mr. Crawley's bicycle, and William-"
"I can get my coat," Matthew interrupted, taking his coat and hat off the hall tree before any other man could jump for them. Edith gave him a look as the young men opened the front doors.
"You will have to get used to it some time."
"Why?"
"Because the system isn't just about you, Matthew, and it doesn't change just because you want it too."
"That's hardly what I-"
"Matthew!" Robert called, suddenly coming up to them as Thomas braught Matthew his bicycle.
"Robert," Matthew greeted, pushing down his lingering frustration at the redhead.
"Father," Edith nodded.
"Hello to you too, my dear," Robert smiled at his middle daughter before turning back to him. "About your scheme for restoring the estate cottages-"
"You don't mind my interfering?"
"My dear fellow, I brought you here to interfere. In fact, why don't you stay for dinner and we'll talk about it? Well send down to Molesley for your clothes."
"I'd better not. As I was telling your daughter, my mother is expecting me," Matthew said, glancing at Edith. "But in fact, I've been meaning to speak to you about Molesley."
"Oh?" Robert quirried.
"Matthew," Edith sighed in dismay. He ignored her and continued on.
"Would you think me very ungrateful if I dispensed of his services?"
"Why?" Robert's gaze turned serious and full of calculation and concern. "Has he displeased you in some way?"
"Not at all. It's simply that he's superfluous to our style of living."
"Is that quite fair? To deprive a man of his livelihood when he's done nothing wrong?"
"Well, I wouldn't quite put it-" Like father like daughter, Robert didn't give Matthew room to retort.
"Your mother derives satisfaction from her work at the hospital, I think. Some sense of self worth."
"Well, certainly."
"Would you deny the same to poor old Molesley? And when you are master here, is the butler to be dismissed, or the footmen? How many maids or kitchen staff will be allowed to stay? Or must everyone be driven out?" Robert said, looking increasingly ardent. Matthew hadn't felt so admonished since his own childhood when his father still lived. "We all have different parts to play, Matthew, and we must be allowed to play them."
"Well said, Papa," Edith nodded, looking proudly at her father. Funny, Matthew couldn't remember her calling him that before. Robert too, seemed to notice, as he smiled brightly and reached out to take his daughter's hand. Together, they nodded at him and walked back into Downton, leaving Matthew to peddle back home and think on their words.
Over the coming weeks, Matthew found himself softening, changing maybe, although he didn't like to admit it. He let Moseley do more. He tried to accept more of the rules and etiquette he didn't fully understand. He learned to be more than an outsider.
Matthew felt his Mother's pride. It practically beamed from her face. A similar familial pride shone from Robert's face as well. Lady Grantham, the Dowager, and even young Lady Sybil seemed happy at his acquiescence. Although, admittedly Sybil seemed a bit sad that her entertainment was gone. Even Edith, who had been trying to get him to do this for two months, was relieved and happy at his change. Her shoulders were no longer as tense at dinners, her face was less pinched, and she seemed to shine with contentment at every dinner gone by with minimal disruption. The only member of the family not enjoying his change was Lady Mary who seemed to have preferred his original, unchanged self.
Lady Mary still hissed and glared, even more displeased to have no reason to do so than when she did. She still did her best to keep him on the off foot, to catch him in fault. Matthew couldn't help but be glad that, in some way, her opinion of him hadn't changed despite his changing attitude. But he would not back down.
Matthew still wished it was not true, wished for another path, but Robert and Edith were forcing him towards the truth. He was the future of Downton. Whether he or they liked it or not, it was reality. A reality he would face with them both beside him and Lady Mary against him.
If only Matthew could stop thinking of her. But May's dark curls and darker eyes invaded his mind each night. The taunts of being an outsider, a sea monster, rang loud and true in the echoes of his mind. In so many ways, he still knew he didn't belong, but he had to try. If only for the trust and hope the others placed in him if not because, deep down, Matthew wanted to stay at Downton. For his Mother, Robert, Edith, and even for the hideously spiteful yet enchantingly beautiful woman known as Lady Mary, Matthew Crawley would remain at Downton Abbey. The sea monster was here to stay.
