Chapter 10 - Failed Plan

RIIIING! RIIIING!

Why?! What the hell is this ringing?

RIIIING!

Is this the stupid bell? Why do houses have bells? There is no…

RIIIIIIIIIINNGG!

FUUUUUCKK! GODS!

Nanon threw the sheet covering his body to the side, trying to beat the frustration out of his body with his feet up and down on the bed. He got up, rubbed his eyes with his hand, and made his way through the stairs to the ringing bell, one foot in front of the other. With a long sigh, he opened the door and came to face with Film.

Fuck! It's today.

"Hey, Film! I thought you were coming later!"

The small girl got in and closed the door behind her. She placed the bag she was carrying on the floor and took her mask while taking off her shoes.

"I wanted to help your mother cook."

Softly, she supported one hand on Nanon's chest and reached on the tips of her toes to Nanon's lips, planting there a kiss. Nanon smiled and pointed to a pair of yellow slippers.

"You didn't need to do that. You can take those slippers; they are from my sister."

Film put the slippers on, "Are you sure she won't mind?"

Nanon smiled, looking at the girl.

"Are you nervous? You have already met my family a bunch of times."

"Well, yes. But this is the first time I come to your house to meet them officially."

"Ma is certainly excited!" Nanon smiled, "Let me just go get dressed. Yo-..."

"I'll go with you," Film started climbing the stairs but stopped looking back, "Can I?"

Nanon chuckled, climbing some stairs until reaching the girl.

"Of course, you can!" he squeezed his arm around her neck.

"Ai, stupid!"

The girl ran to the room, laughing, and he followed her slowly. When he got to the bedroom, he made his way to the closet. He chose one of his T-shirts and some jeans.

"Not even a shirt?" asked Film, pouting.

Nanon looked at her and smiled shyly.

"You're right."

She laughed.

"I'm kidding! Wear what you want. I'm cool with it!"

Nanon smiled more to himself than anything. Then, he felt her arms around his waist, her head against his back. She turned him slowly, and he smiled back at her. Film reached up and kissed him, her hands resting peacefully on his chest. He kissed her back until the kiss was cut by a whimper of pain.

"Are you okay?" asked Nanon.

She chuckled a little, trying to ease his worry.

"Yes. Just my period."

Nanon patted her head in response.

"Is your belly hurting?" to which she nodded, "I'm sorry. You have pads and tampons in the bathroom if you need them. Do you want something warm to put on your belly or some chocolate? It will make you feel better."

She looked at him with shiny eyes.

"Are you for real?"

"Hum!" he affirmed and looked at the girl, "Don't make that face! I live with two women. I caught some tricks along the way." he grinned.

She sat on the bed.

"Uh, look at me! I have such a perfect boyfriend!"

They both laughed. After, they heard the front door being opened.


The water was falling cold on Nanon's hands. He dried his hands in the towel, some drops of water falling free to the ground. He made his way to the stairs, each step slowly taking him to the living room. From there, he could observe the kitchen and its perfect picture: his mother and his sister happily talking to the girl of his dreams.

She was precisely that. He could enumerate all the reasons for it.

1. They share many similar tastes and mostly the same way of looking at life. Therefore, they get along pretty well without fights.

2. She is fun to be around.

3. They are very good friends even before started dating. This just makes sense!

4. She is one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen in his life. They look amazing together.

5. His career won't go rock bottom with this relationship.

6. Also, his mother likes her so much.

He could see the two women talking and giggling together. His mother was truly happy. His sister, as well. This was everything he wanted. This was everything he had planned.

This is the perfect picture.

"Nanon, what are you doing standing there? Come eat!" called Mama Ning.

Nanon's steps seemed too heavy for him. So much that he seemed to be taking hours to cross the living room to the kitchen. Strangely enough, no one seemed to notice.

He sat on his chair, and Mama Ning served him a portion of green curry.

"Thank you, Ma."

She brimmed a smile at him with all her heart.

"So, tell me... For how long are you together?" asked Nonnie, "My brother didn't tell me anything!" she squeezed her eyes at him, to which he murmured a sorry.

"Oh, it has been less than two weeks since we started dating, Nong," laughed Film.

Film smiled at the girl on the other side of the table.

"Only?" Noonie seemed surprised.

"I caught them red-handed right away," joked Mama Ning, winking at her, "And two weeks is already quite some time! Enough for us to be properly introduced."

"Almost two…"

"Oh! You won't believe it."

I looked at the boy who screamed after he disconnected the phone call.

"Why are you screaming? It's too early, meung."

"Sorry, kitten. I got excited," he apologized, and I felt the pressure of his lips on the top of my head.

"Well, normally, you respect the quiet time in the morning. Don't lose that. It's your only quality."

I smirked while earning a sarcastic laugh from him.

"Sweet. It has been two months already," he replied, showing me a memory on his social platform.

The photo portrayed him and me in our shiny jackets, mine with the letters NNN on the back and his with his nickname OHM.

"Really? Two months already?"

Ohm smiled in confirmation and threw the phone away when he sat at the other side of the table, grabbing his half-eaten banana.

I was munching on my cereals when he said, "That means it has been two months since you threw yourself at me with your morning wood."

I coughed on the milk that I accidentally breathed. Look at this guy… I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I? I threw myself at you? You have such a nerve…"

Ohm grinned, and I enjoyed that smile at me. When he finished eating his banana, he curled to the table, dropping his head on his arms, and I kept going on my cereals.

His hair fell free over his forehead. I could see momentarily the V-shaped hairline that I loved and contained the urge to stroke his hair into sleep. Instead, I took off my flip-flops and looked for his feet with mine, under the table. When my feet found him, he freed his feet from his flip-flops and let mine have their way with his.

With the palm and the dorsal of my feet, I felt his. His softer and harder sides and all their warmness on mine.

"You cut your nails," I noticed.

"Well, the guy that sleeps with me likes to rub his cold feet on mine and complains about them. I don't want to make him unhappy with the bedroom service."

I chuckled at his silliness and saw how a satisfied smile came to his lips as I kept rubbing my feet on his. If I had to classify this feeling, I would have to put it on top as one of the warmest feelings I had in my life.

"…going good with a lot of sales," finished Film.

Nanon felt the heaviness of his sister's attentive eyes on him. He noted then the smile that was splashed on his own face. He hurried to control his smile, not knowing if it was appropriate for the conversation at hand. The conversation carried on, and Nanon felt like a spectator to it. Like he was watching himself and that moment from up. Not feeling anything real, he spread the position of the rice on his plate, observing its shape and contour.

"Why aren't you eating, Nanon?" asked Film, touching his hand with hers, "You don't like it?"

The heat of her hand on his ignited his skin until the bones. It burnt its way to his stomach and turned it upside down. Her worried eyes were like fuel to that torment. He broke eye contact to save his soul from becoming ash.

"No, it's perfect. I'm just not that hungry."

He showed her his dimpled smile, her worry fading away.

"Nanon, you should hurry up, or there won't be any fruit for you. And I brought you mangos!" Mama Ning said as a soft warning, "So, tell me more, Nong Film." she asked, facing now the girl.


He looked again at the two women washing the dishes and talking happily. His Ma's smile was bright, and she was energetic. Nanon should be happy.

This is exactly what I want.

But...

Film's place was Nanon's. Back in his house. He used to rinse the dishes and dry them if needed after Ohm meticulously soaped them. The soap foam sometimes would jump onto his abs (which was kind of a nice view as far as Nanon was concerned). Or, sometimes, he would do it alone while Ohm was finishing vacuuming the floor. And, sometimes, after too many discussions about Ohm's strict bathroom cleaning schedule, he would be singing on the floor outside of the bathroom while Ohm was exercising his intensive cleaning.

If there was something Nanon hates more than missing Ohm, it would be missing these little boring moments they spent together. The little boring moments that felt so right, like when you fit the last piece of a puzzle. The little boring moments like waiting for his manager to pick him up, or cooking, or cleaning and washing things together, or just being in the same division. When they would just… Just live together.

"What is happening? You are living inside your head."

Nonnie joined him on the couch, grabbing his attention.

"Sorry."

Nonnie smiled.

"So, P'Film seems to be a good girlfriend. You've always gotten pretty well with each other."

Nanon nodded, "It's true."

Nonnie's smile faded, and her expression got more serious.

"But why didn't you tell me?"

Nanon squeezed her cheeks, smiling at the short girl.

"Oin, don't be like that. There's nothing much to tell. We got closer during the promotion of My Precious, and then we sort of kissed. It was not that long ago. Then, Ma caught us kissing backstage, and here we are," he finished with a shrug.

That didn't seem to make Noonie's expression easy.

"Can you tell me what's wrong, Non? Please… Phi, I'm getting worried. Look, I know that something has been going on for some time already. You have been more distant from me for a long time. I want to know why. Because… I'm getting hurt."

Nanon's eyes widened with surprise.

"Noonie..."

The girl continued, "I gave you so much space. And that's my fault. I've also been focusing more on my own problems nowadays. I'm sorry."

"What? No, Nonnie!" he grabbed the young woman's hands, "You didn't do anything wrong. It's me. It's all me! Don't even think for once that the problem is you!"

Nonnie felt her eyes teary, and Nanon noticed the girl pushing down her tears.

FUCK! I'm a mess! I'm hurting everyone.

"What is happening, Phi? When you returned from Phi Ohm's house, you were so gloomy and quiet. Then, you surrounded yourself with people and work. Always busy. I can't get you alone. There's always somebody. Like… As if you're trying too hard to… Not be alone."

Nanon felt his heart pumping blood throw his body, getting his body ready for an unnecessary fight-and-flight response.

"Let's talk after Film…"

Nonnie didn't let him finish.

"Ma, Phi! Sorry, but I need to sort out some things with my brother. I cannot believe he didn't tell me the details of this romance!" she said, giving her brightest smile to the other women and grabbing his hand.

She pulled him towards the stairs, "We will come back in a few minutes. After I kick his sorry ass to the grave…"

"Kids, don't take too long! That will be rude for N'Film."

They still managed to hear Film's voice easing Mama Ning's worries before reaching the bedroom.

She pushed him to the bed, where she sat and crossed her legs.

"Sorry, Non. But I can't wait anymore. Start."

Nanon got up, aiming his walk for the nightstand.

"Nanon, come on!"

"Meung, relax! I'm just taking a pill. I don't want to have a panic attack now, right?"

Nonnie frowned her eyebrows but didn't say anything else.

Upon returning, Nanon started, "Ai tao, I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to do that. You know you are the most important to me. I would have never hurt you intentionally. I love you, you know, right?"

"I know. I know that. You have always been making sure I know that. That didn't change."

They hugged tightly, feeling safe in each other's comfort. Nanon felt the little girl's body against his and patted her head. She is the most precious thing in his life.

"Enough with this slushy mess! Let's talk business!"

Noonie pushed him again, drying his tears with the back of his hand while he did the same to her.

He smiled, "Okay, but you have to promise me you won't tell anyone. I hope you don't get disappointed in me…"

"Why should I?"

Nanon's smiled withered.

"I made some mistakes... And I think I'm doing the biggest of them now..."

Nanon explained what had happened since the day of the fan meeting, synthesising it to his best efforts. He slightly opened this chapter again for his sister to read. From the friends-that-play-with-each-other agreement to the domestic life, from some of the fights to the absolute comfort, from the confusion mess of feelings to the clarity of the conversation with Chimon...

In the end, Noonie had a small smile on her face.

"Fucked up Thai was right..."

Nanon was confused by her first reaction.

"Who? Nong Thai?"

"Hum," confirmed Nonnie, "When you came back home after staying at P'Ohm's, he also returned home."

Nanon's eyes opened in surprise.

"He moved back home!?"

"Not exactly. He moved back to his parents' house for some time. But now he's back at his. Thai tried to investigate what happened. From what he had told me, he didn't figure out anything. But we had our suspicions. Especially him. He was of what he thought," Nonnie frowned her eyes - an idea that made her angry popping up in her head, "Or maybe he did find out something but didn't tell me. That fucker!" her expression softened, "I won't get mad just because I would have done the same exact thing!"

One eyebrow knit on Nanon's face.

"Since when do you talk so much with Nong Thai?"

She shrugged.

"We were both worried about you guys…"

"Both?"

"Yes. You were so... Bright when you were staying with P'Ohm. You were confident and sassy and also... Calmer? Centred. As if you were freer. Does this make sense? Anyway... When you returned home, there was something that went out on you. Like your light was switched off. You were sad and depressed. And then, Mom had some sort of conversation with you, and you started to… Do everything. You involved yourself in multiple projects at the same time, you were always at the company or having friends over... I felt like you disappeared."

Nanon sighed.

"Mom told me I shouldn't fall into the same depression I had back on COVID time. That was heavy on all of you, and she hated to see me like that. She was worried, so she encouraged me to focus on work and friends, and it worked."

Noonie knit an eyebrow, "Did it? Have you been going to therapy?"

Nanon replied fast, "No!"

"Why is that?"

Nanon took a deep breath.

"I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. I'm back on antidepressants," he raised his hands in a calming way, "A lower dosage."

"And that one you took. Is it your anxiolytic?"

"Yes."

"Are you still taking it only when you need it?"

"In theory. But I am taking it almost every day."

Noonie tightened her lips.

"Oh, of course. It's clear you don't need therapy at all."

Nanon faced away, his leg starting to shake with him.

"Maybe I do. I just can't afford it now."

"Money?" asked Noonie in a softer voice.

He chuckled.

"No. It's a time and a focus issue... If I go to therapy right now and start to talk about this with her, I... I don't know what will happen and if I can sustain myself because... I... Because I miss him, and talking about him feels too good for me to, foolishly, get entangled on that."

Noonie smiled, and Nanon smiled back.

"You were talking about how Ohm returned home…" he asked with (not so) hidden curiosity.

"So, that's what interests you," she laughed, "Thai was feeling the same from Ohm's side. I think Thai guessed. He said something like «his eyes shine when he sees P'Nanon». According to him, it was obvious he was in love with you."

Nanon tensed. His heart pumping blood that rushed to his cheeks.

"Who?"

Noonie stopped long enough to look at Nanon and laughed.

"Who are we talking about? P'Ohm!" she squeezed his cheeks, "Oh my crazy Phichai! Didn't you know?"

Nanon couldn't contain a sad smile.

"I don't know..."

He knew he loved him. He knew about Ohm's feelings most of the time. Because it was obvious in Ohm's eyes and actions. Because he knew him. Because Ohm didn't make him question if he was loved by him.

But in love... And said out loud by a third party. This was making him feel giddy and sad at the same time.

"We should return..."

Before he could leave, Noonie grabbed his hand. Nanon turned and looked down at his sister.

"You can't do this to P'Film. You have to end it before things get deeper."

Nanon tried to swallow through the dryness and the knot in his throat.

"I know..." his teary eyes turned to the door, and he shook his head, "This is everything I've dreamt of. It should have worked..."

Noonie got up and hugged Nanon.

"Maybe it is no longer what you dream of."

The sweet moment of her hug was interrupted by her hand smacking his head.

"And get back to therapy! I can't be your psychologist; I'm too impatient for that! It's as stupid as seeing two clumsy penguins trying to run away from each other, but ending up bumping together with their slippery moves."