Chapter 14 - Scratched Plan

Nanon jumped the few last steps and ran out the door, halfway into his snickers. Ohm's car was parked in front of his door. He headed to it and got in.

"Hi!" Nanon greeted, smiling.

"Hello."

He was here. Finally! Picking him up from home, taking him to his. He missed being in his car. It smelled nice, and Ohm driving has always been a "kink" of his. It was strangely sexy when Ohm was attentively driving or parking with so much ease or even filling up the gas tank. And he liked to be chauffeured around. Not that he hated driving. It was okay. But he enjoyed having Ohm picking him up from everywhere.

Ohm was still dressed in the same clothes. They were wrinkled from the night, and he smelled a little like beer and food.

"Put the seat belt on."

Batting his eyes, Nanon noticed he was staring.

He chuckled at his stupidity. He was so happy. A plan was already forming in his mind. Tomorrow, he wasn't working, not at the company at least, but he had to practice his new song. He knew Ohm had the day off as well. So, it would be possible for them to laze around the house all day.

The moment he put his belt on, the car started. Nanon didn't exactly know how to start this conversation. The only thing they had said to each other after the kiss was through short messages.

[Nanon: I can't sleep.]

[Ohm: I think we need to talk.]

And that was about it.

"It's getting colder."

Before he could think about something better, his mouth was already commenting on the weather to cut the silence. Ohm turned to him.

"Do you want me to turn on the AC?"

He raised his hand to the AC button, but Nanon caught it on time. He beamed at Ohm, delighted at the feeling of his hand again. However, it didn't last long as Ohm took it away weirdly slowly but too quickly at the same time.

He could feel it now. Something was off. There was something on Ohm's face. A twitch of the lips. A face without a smile or glow. He was not at all on the same page as Nanon.

"Ohm? Did something happen?"

Ohm squeezed the wheel, knuckles becoming white.

"Did something happen?" repeated Nanon in a lower tone.

Ohm didn't answer, and that built up even more the sense of doubt and worry in Nanon.

Did I do something wrong? Was I too fast?

They didn't ride long. Before he could understand the situation, Ohm was already stopping the car just a few streets ahead of his house in a dark alley. He turned off the lights, and Nanon needed a few seconds to adapt to the darkness, just some moonlight shining on them.

"Ohm? Why are we here in this alley?"

Ohm kept staring at his knuckles, now on his lap.

"We don't need to go further. What I have to say won't take long," he took a deep breath and continued, "I can't keep doing this."

"This what?" asked Nanon, confused.

"Us."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, this doesn't work for me. This push and pull, this uncertainty, I don't want it."

For a moment, there was a buzzing in Nanon's ears. Then, he remembered he needed to breathe and with the air came a sharp pain in his chest.

"Yo-... You don't want it?"

His voice came out cracked, just like he was feeling. It made sense. He waited too long. He took too long and too much.

"No, Nanon. I'm sorry."

Breathing was becoming harder because of the pain.

"Tha-… That's what I wanted to say." finalised Ohm.

The tears were way too full to not escape Nanon's eyes when he blinked. The growing pain in his chest forced him to bend forward.

"Nanon? Nan-…"

The whimper came louder than he expected, and after the first one, he could not control the next one. His body was the one ruling him, out of his control.

"Nanon, please don't cry!"

Nanon felt strong hands pulling him up, and then he was being held against his chest. In an uncomfortable position, he cried the hurt to Ohm's chest, gripping Ohm's t-shirt.

"Non, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't have to feel guilty. It was stupid of me to assume and to get hopeful. It doesn't have anything to do with you. Please, Non… Please, stop crying. Please, smile."

Everything was confused, questions overflowing his brain and, at the same time, a total emptiness. Why? It didn't make sense. Or maybe it did. Everything has been done to his own rhythm, not to Ohm's. And now Ohm's sick of everything. Sick of waiting. Sick of Nanon always having some kind of problem, some kind of issue. Things were never right because of him.

He cried and cried, losing the notion of time, space and self, the knife in his heart controlling his life. Until there were no more tears to drop. Returning to his body, he felt Ohm's hands holding and caressing his head and heard his voice.

"Sssshh… Non, please, please. Smile. Please, stop crying. I am so sorry. I'm so stupid. It's not your fault. Please, smile."

Nanon breathed deep and pushed back, feeling Ohm's grip giving in. Nanon only raised his eyes to Ohm when he handed him a water bottle.

"Drink some water."

Ohm was crying as well, the tears falling free over his cheeks. Nanon took the bottle, and Ohm raised his forearm to his eyes, rubbing them on it. A sobbing hiccup escaped loudly from his wet lips. One after another. Ohm was trying hard to control his tears and failing miserably and that was hurting Nanon even more.

"What? Ohm," he forced away Ohm's forearm, exposing his red eyes, "Why are you crying?"

Ohm seemed still not in control of his tears.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to make you hurt. I was so mad at you. I cried and was so sad," it was necessary to be attentive to get everything he was saying as words were interrupted by sobs and his nose was blocked by the accumulation of snot mixed with tears, "I didn't want to hurt myself. But I really, really didn't want to hurt you."

The last sentence came in a prolonged sob, and suddenly, a willingness to laugh overcame Nanon.

"You seem like a baby!" he tried to lock his laughter but was unsuccessful, "Look at that pout."

Was it the nervousness, was it the need to make Ohm stop crying, or was the scene truly funny? He didn't know. But Ohm was still crying, and he was laughing.

"Oh, come here."

Nanon opened his arms and received Ohm in them. And it felt so good. So fit. His heart felt so full. Ohm was there in his arms, letting him hold him. Even if it was just for a moment.

He had to clean his hand on his trousers when it got all too wet after cleaning the tears and the thicker substance from Ohm's face. His face and eyes were red and bloated. Nanon pulled Ohm to him and planted a kiss on his forehead, wet from the crying effort sweat.

"Why? Ohm, you… You don't love me anymore?"

Ohm's eyes widened slightly.

"Of course I do. You must know I do."

"I thought you did. But now, you reach here with this conversation…"

Ohm pressed his lips together while Nanon observed him attentively.

"I cannot handle this push and pull."

Was he referring to the messages?

This "start all over again"? He seemed fine the past month. I mean, it was indeed weird at first.

Anyway, Nanon was actually enjoying falling in love with him all over again. Better said, he was enjoying falling deeper in love with him. And more: all this in a "normal-typical" way. At a nice and slow pace. Through messages, small talks, well-thought-out picture messages... Through proper dates with awkward silences, flirt tries and embarrassing moments... Not rushing, just excited for each step to come. Slow, because Nanon already knew that he loved Ohm, and Ohm loved him. Or he thought he did.

"Are you referring to us not talking about the past? Or about the future, for that matter. Because we can, Ohm. I… I was just enjoying my dates with you. The little «first» things. We started so upside down. From friends to sex to living together to falling in love. Or everything at the same time, I don't know… When you said you didn't–"

A can being kicked at the entrance of the alley startled them. They docked their heads, hiding behind the seats. But the mumble of the drunk man down the street walked away indifferent. They checked the alley for somebody else but were once again alone.

"Aham…" Nanon cleared his throat and continued, "So, when you said you didn't want me to rush my decision, it didn't come as a surprise that my life makes much more sense with you in it. But you were also right. I still needed to think about my work, family, friends, and you… Make a new plan. One that includes us. I just wanted us to begin again and have a nice love story."

Ohm's face wrinkled confused.

"See? It's these mixed signals you give…"

Nanon's eyebrows jumped in surprise.

"The hell you're talking about? I think I've been way too clear. Some would call it «ridiculous», and some did," a picture of Chimon shaking his head in funny disgust danced in his mind.

"So, what's up with that pulling away when we touch? And what was that stupid attitude after we kissed?"

His face changed slightly, his eyebrows heavier with anger. As a copy, impatience and anger were also starting to build inside Nanon.

He was happy, very happy after the kiss. He was thinking they would, at the bare least, cuddle and kiss throughout the night. But then, Ohm "broke up" with him, made him cry his eyeballs out, cried as well, and got him slowly and slowly into a spiral of doubt and confusion. This was not how the night was supposed to go!

"Ohm, I'm starting to get a little pissed with this. The pulling away when we touch is because I don't want you to feel pressured, but the kiss... What are you talking about?"

Ohm turned away, facing the wheel and crossing his arms over his chest, his breathing making it go up and down.

"Oh, you're getting pissed? Imagine me!"

Nanon groaned in frustration, catching Ohm's eyes once again.

"You were sulking after we kissed. Angry and maybe sad."

"What?"

"Yes, don't deny it. Then, Chimon took you to the bathroom, and you came back all refreshed. All it took was a trip to the bathroom with Mon to make you the happiest man alive."

Is he saying what I think he's saying? Oh, I'm going to break this fucker's face.

"Are you, by any chance, insinuating something?"

Nanon floated a little around the thought of how this guy had the power to change his mood in seconds.

Is there something wrong with me or him?

Nanon laughed, irony in its pitch.

"Lord! You're such an idiot. Ohm, what the fuck? Is that why you broke up with me? Because you think something happened with Mon in the bathroom?"

Ohm's eyes leap to him and then to the wheel again.

"I didn't. But now, I am. Did something happen between you two?"

"Yes! You happened and ruined our peace! Look at me properly," Nanon made his body turn to him, "Why did you break up with me?"

Ohm still kept his head down.

"We didn't even start."

"For me, it started long ago."

Ohm finally raised his face to him.

"If that's so, why were you angry and sad? Is kissing me that bad?"

"After the kiss?"

"Yes."

"Geez, I just got bothered for a second, and you took it all the way to break up with me?"

Ohm exhaled sharply, his eyes still shining slightly wet.

"Well, it fucking sucks to fall in love with someone that breaks up with you. To try your best to move on, just to end up spending a night together with the same person, who parts ways again. To restart talking and having dates, your hopes build up once again. To kiss that person, the best kiss you have ever had, to then open your eyes to see that the person you love didn't like it as much as you."

Nanon laughed once more, but it didn't last. The lines on his face became heavy, strict and serious. Hastily, he squeezed Ohm's collar between his fingers, pulling him to him.

"Ohm, let it be the first and last time you break up with me in a rush move. I would prohibit you from breaking up with me ever again. But I don't want to seem like a toxic psycho," he let go of his shirt, his face softening, and laid back on the seat, eyes away from Ohm, "Honestly, what were you thinking? I was mad because my plan didn't go as expected."

Ohm swallowed the well-known tension that always came when Nanon's eyes would sparkle with that dangerous twinkle.

"What are you talking about? What plan?"

"I wanted to take you to that bridge. You remember? Where we took that photo and sent it to P'Aof. That time we kissed accidentally," he exhaled sharply in an ironic laugh, "Anyway, I just wanted to take you there, buy you some drinks, and stand there watching the sunset with you. Once it would get dark, I would ask you to be my faen, you would hopefully say yes, and we would–"

The surprise hit Nanon like a bullet.

Did he just say that?

"Aaannh!" he groaned, hitting his head on the top of the glove compartment, "What the fuck am I saying? It could still be possible."

"Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don't hit your hard head on my car!"

Ohm put one hand on his forehead and pushed him to the seat, cleaning the surface where he hit with his other hand. He looked at Nanon and chuckled at the defeated look he had.

"So, you wanted to ask me to be your boyfriend on that bridge," still no answer from Nanon, "And when I'd said yes, what would happen?"

He didn't move an inch, but after a long sigh, he answered with a dragged voice, like there was no more hope in talking.

"We would kiss for the first time as boyfriend and boyfriend. It would be our first kiss since we started talking."

Ohm felt all giddy inside and smiled with a disgusted expression.

"You're so corny."

"I ruined it…"

"So, you liked my kiss?" asked Ohm, hesitating still a little.

Nanon didn't answer, a defeated look still hovering over him. Ohm scutched closer, his face only a few centimetres away from Nanon's.

"Nanon?"

Nanon's eyes fell on him.

"Come on, show me your dimples."

Nanon groaned.

"Come on..."

He pressed his lips in a closed smile, and his dimples appeared.

"Cute. Did you like my kiss?"

"Obviously."

A complete smile reached Ohm's mouth. That's the answer he wanted to hear.

"Let's put your seatbelt back on."

Ohm extended his body to grab the seatbelt Nanon had taken off somewhere along the conversation. He pulled it, and while coming back to his position, his mouth barely escaped Nanon's. His eyes connected for a moment.

"Is this a drama?"

Nanon finally laughed, deepening his dimples.

"Let's go."

"Where?"

Nanon crossed his arms on his chest while Ohm started the car and returned to the main road.

"You know where."

"I don't want to go! I want to go home and sleep."

Ohm ignored him and kept driving.

"Ohm! Just go back."

"Ah, shut up already! Plans don't always work. That's life. What kind of karma am I living to have fallen in love with such a stupid guy?"

Blood rushed to Nanon's cheeks, and he smiled.

"I'm the stupid guy? You came all the way to break up with me, and now you're taking me somewhere else. I have pride, you know?"

"Pride is overrated."

They sat in silence for some minutes, but Ohm broke it.

"You said there were still things to figure out about your family, work, friends and me... Do you still have doubts?"

Nanon nodded.

"I'm full of doubts."

Ohm's heart clenched in pain. He was not surprised. Nanon has always been clear regarding his insecurities.

"But you said something that night we spent together... Something like if I were sure I wouldn't regret the time I would spend with you. As many doubts as I have, I'm sure I don't regret the time I spent with you until now. Nor the time before all this started, the time we spent in your house, the nights we spent together after that, or the few dates we have been having. And I'm sure I won't ever regret the time I'll spend with you from now on. Of that, I'm absolutely sure. My doubts lay elsewhere."

Nanon pushed down the lump forming in his throat and continued.

"We will fight so many battles. Will we make it through? We are different in many aspects. That accounts for many difficulties communicating with each other. What happened now? Case and point. Will we be able to understand each other all our lives? My mother will emotionally blackmail me. I don't want you to misunderstand her. She doesn't do it with a bad intention. It is just her trying to protect me the best she can. But will you and I be able to understand her, and will I be able to manage things well enough to keep you and her in my life? When we come clear to people, we will face backslash. Will we be able to keep our careers and achieve our dreams?"

Ohm felt the pressure on his chest. Sure, he shared all the same doubts, but not like Nanon. Ohm could even forget about it most of the time. But he knew this occupied a vital part of Nanon's brain, and he felt guilty to not have to go through the same.

"Did you figure some of those out?"

Nanon smiled. His response came the second Ohm pulled the hand brake, stopping the car in an isolated place.

"Not totally. I made some plans, though. But maybe I won't have to figure this out all alone?"

Their eyes reconnected. It was dark, but not as dark as the alley, and Nanon could see the dark chocolate in Ohm's eyes. His smile reached there, and that's one of the things Nanon loved the most in the world.

"We're here," stated Ohm.

"I noticed."

"Be my faen."

Nanon's eyes broadened.

"What?"

"Be my boyfriend, Non."

His lips were parted in awe of surprise.

"What?"

"Do you-"

"No! It's I that is supposed to ask you to be my faen," Nanon pushed on his shoulder, "Take it back!"

"No," Ohm shook his head firmly, "You snooze, you lose!"

He got closer to Ohm with daring in his eyes.

"I hate you!"

But Ohm didn't back up and got even closer.

"I love you."

Nanon shortened the distance, lips brushing each other. He licked his lips, dry swallowing in anticipation of the kiss he knew was coming.

He watched as Ohm closed his eyes, and before completing the final millimetres, he answered, "Yes."

The first touch was soft. Ohm's lips pressed on his, and the warmth of the electric charge went straight down, tickling his heart and stomach. The lips swept each other with some pressure, feeling their soft texture. Nanon took his lower lip, sucking it slightly, his tongue wetting it. Their mouths separated momentarily, but his foreheads remained connected, eyes closed. They were breathing the same air, and that was mouth-watering for Ohm. He bit his lower lip, passing his tongue through the same spot licked by Nanon just some seconds ago. Without even trying to control it, he grabbed Nanon's neck, pulling him to his mouth once again.

Now, the kiss was sloppier. Their hearing sense became full of the wet sucking and the trying-to-breathe sounds. It was addictive, Nanon thought. He could spend hours kissing this man without getting tired of it. The soft feeling of Ohm's tongue on his was all he wanted right now. He curled a leg on the seat to reach deeper. The hand on Ohm's nape didn't let him escape this kiss, even if he wanted to.

But the space was cramped, and Ohm ended up pressing the honk with his arm. Nanon was startled by the loud sound, jumping and banging his head on the headliner.

"Shia!"

Ohm laughed at him.

"Are you okay?"

Nanon was rubbing his head on the hurt spot.

"Damn! We better get going before we get arrested for public indecency or worse... Before we get caught eating each other's face by some lunatic fan."

Ohm laughed, nodded and reached to kiss Nanon's head before turning on the car, getting away from the bridge and onto the road once again, heading to his house.

"Do you mind going to my house?" questioned Ohm.

"That's the thought I was having when I got into this car."

"That way, we can talk more privately."

"After all this, I'm waiting for more than just a talk, Khun Pawat."

Ohm pressed his lips, containing his smile, while Nanon chuckled nervously, somehow regretting his impulsive mouth.

"Maybe that was too rough. I meant some cuddles and stuff are totally fine if you are not ready. Like, maybe, if you are, aham…"

"I definitely am."

Nanon chortled, "Good. Geez, this stupid car cracked my head open, and now I don't even know what I'm saying!" he complained while rubbing his head, looking at the back seat, "I'm telling you: you have until we get married to enjoy this car. There's no way we'll be able to fit a kid o-."

Nanon froze, the sound of his own words reaching his ears. This time, even Ohm lost his senses for a small number of seconds. Noticing that, he lighted the blinkers and stopped the car at the side of the road. They stayed there quietly for a moment. The only movement indicating Ohm was alive was the up and down of his chest. Otherwise, he was turned into ice still with one hand on the hand break and another on the wheel.

He woke from his stupor with the sound of Nanon trying to open the car door in panic.

"Non…" his voice was low as if his vocal cords didn't remember how to work, "Non," he repeated again, this time louder.

But Nanon didn't seem to be hearing, trying to force the door open. Ohm ripped himself out of the trance.

"NANON! Stop! Lord!"

He yanked Nanon's hand from the door handle, containing his movements.

"The hell you're doing, Nanon?"

"Let me leave!"

Ohm thanked the heavens for his habit of locking all the car doors once inside to prevent accidents like some fan trying to open his car door with him inside.

"No. Come on, Non. Let's talk."

He tried to make him look at him, but he pushed his hand away and covered his face with his arms, bending forward and hiding in the corner of the car.

"Don't look at me!"

Ohm furrowed his eyebrows, looking at the ball of Nanon, an excited smile growing on him.

"So you want to marry me…"

Nanon groaned, the sound muffled by his arms.

"Non teerak, look at me. Come on."

He forced Nanon to open his sphere figure. Nanon was not quite willing but was now facing forward, shoulders and head bent.

"You said you made some plans. Marriage was one of them?

Nanon groaned, making crying sounds.

"My gosh, how can I ruin this night so much?"

"Non, come on."

"Don't get it wrong, Ohm. I don't want to marry anytime soon. But I'm serious with you. Eventually, a long time in the future, after our careers get bigger, when we are ready to tell everyone about us, I would like to marry you," Nanon sighed heavily, still looking away from him, "But it's way too early in the relationship to be talking about this!"

"Yes…" agreed Ohm.

"Good."

There was a moment of silence. Only their breathing could be heard.

"Have you thought this throw?"

Nanon pressed his lips in a thin line.

"I thought you agreed it is too early to be talking about this."

Ohm ignored him and turned to face him, "You are the one that makes plans for everything. It's early, but I don't mind considering it right away."

Nanon was nervously playing with the bracelet on his wrist, his teeth digging into his lower lip. Ohm kept quiet, waiting for him to continue.

Nanon sucked a deep breath into his lungs and started, "I really want to keep our relationship a secret from most people, just our closest friends, like Perth and Chimon, family and necessary people will know. Not even our managers at first. I think it's for the best until our relationship gets stronger and we get more confident. And if you agree, of course," he looked at him apprehensively, "Then, we could start sharing it with more and more people, and then we would come out publicly. We could use this «secret time» to prepare the field if we ever need to use a plan B. Maybe studying English or doing other courses that could help… If we cannot make it here, career-wise, we can move to Europe or America. Maybe Canada. And start all over there. Marriage is legal in many parts of the world. If I cannot be a director in Thailand, maybe I can be one elsewhere. What I really want to do is to tell stories worth sharing. I could also try doing that some other way."

"Non…"

"I know. I'm talking about a thing that may happen many years from now. But you know I like to have things figured out."

Ohm took Nanon's hands in his. He was overwhelmed. Nanon was a very strong-minded person. He knew what he wanted, and he worked hard for it. Also, he was strict with his plans. He liked to have things under his control. Ohm remembered one of the first serious discussions they had when they were chosen to do Bad Buddy. Nanon came with a conversation about Bad Buddy promotion: how much fanservice he was willing to do, what was allowed and what wasn't, how long it was going to last, and how they were going to fade the CP out. It came out as arrogant and rude, and Ohm, a person who is more into the flow of things, got very mad.

Now, Nanon made up another whole plan to accommodate him into his life.

"I love it. I think it's a great idea."

Finally, Nanon looked into his eyes. Ohm could feel the fear and hesitation in that dark liquid. He loved the person in front of him. A wave of gratefulness, not exactly directed to Nanon but to the Universe, washed over Ohm. Gratefulness for having Nanon in his life again. For loving him so. Even for being different enough from Nanon to be able to truly grow together. Grateful for the opportunity of trying to do just that for the rest of his life. Hoping to pass all these thoughts to Nanon, he smiled at him. Nanon hummed, smiling back.

"And the kid?" Ohm teased.

Nanon rolled his eyes to the back of his head.

"Can we let that one go?"

Ohm laughed and shook his head, patting Nanon's chin.

"Not a chance, faen."

Nanon beamed, his cheeks flushed with blood.

"I mean, I know you want to be a father. You have mentioned it before. And I really want it as well. So, I had to think about, in the case we make it that long: how to make that happen as we are both men."

Ohm shallowed hard, trying not to feel disturbed by the Nanon's doubt: "in case we make it that long". Nanon has this habit of accounting for the worst possible situation. That made him sore sometimes, as it seemed that Nanon lacked confidence in himself and Ohm. But he had to admit that Nanon's preparedness had saved them from many awkward situations. Instead, Ohm usually accounts for the best-case scenario, which is nice to keep a positive mindset and live in the moment, but also makes him choose poorly and impulsively many times.

"And?"

Ohm tilted his head with curiosity. Regarding kids, he knew he wanted to be a father eventually. But he was ready to suspend it for this relationship.

"There are some countries that allow international gay adoption. I think Brazil is one of them. I'm not sure. I just searched about it briefly. We will need to see it better at the time. But it is possible."

Nanon made a pause and squeezed Ohm's hand strongly.

"Please, Ohm, don't get panicked. Don't stress. This is just for me. It doesn't have to happen. I understand—"

Ohm's lips muted Nanon's words, and their mouths melted together in a tender kiss.

"I love you so much," Ohm said against his mouth, "I won't get panicked, baby. I'm always up for the challenge with you."

Nanon pulled his neck to him. He brushed his tongue on his lips, asking permission. Ohm conceded easily, opening his mouth to him. His tongues touched and pressed each other, their flavours mixing.

"I love you," Nanon replied with a smile against Ohm's mouth.

There it was the melted chocolate of his eyes, infinite to Ohm. He imagined that looking at Nanon's eyes was something like floating on a sensory deprivation tank. Probably a more accurate description was that it was like floating in the Universe. Ohm chuckled at the turn of his thoughts.

"Damn you, stop that."

He looked at Nanon's serious face, confused.

"What?"

Nanon licked his lower lip, biting right after.

"Your laughter."

The electricity of that sentence descended through Ohm, nestling in his centre. He remembered the many times Nanon lost his control with his laughter, and the yearning for him grew. All the lonely nights heavying on him now.

They kissed softly. The promise of more lingering in the kiss.

"Let's go."

Ohm restarted the car, the sound of the motor roaring.

"Home?" asked Ohm.

"Home."


Here lies the last chapter.

I'd like to take this time to thank my beta. She really helped me a lot with this, being that OhmNNN is not even one of her CPs. But mostly, I'd like to thank all of you who took the time to read it.

I really enjoyed this ride with you and my versions of Ohm and Nanon. I hope you also did. You can check out my new PatPran ff Déjà Vu! See you soon (maybe with some one-shots in the same universe as this ff). :):